


Eight to One

by Anorlost



Series: Never tell me the odds [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Cuddling, M/M, Original Male Characters - Freeform, Polyamory, complications of dating a hive mind, eventual childhood trauma, silliness, some seriousness too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2018-07-14 17:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 56
Words: 208,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7183613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anorlost/pseuds/Anorlost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>General Hux joins the Knights of Ren on a mission to an ancient temple.  Hux just hopes he can survive all the delightful strangeness that is the Knights of Ren so they can complete their mission; a challenge that is intended to test the mettle of the strongest of Force-Wielders. </p><p>Sequel to Seven to One</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. All Hail the Queen

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so here's what's up. 
> 
> People clearly wanted a sequel, and I wanted to hold off until the fic was finished so I could de daily updates like last time, but life got in the way. So instead, I'm going to post chapters weekly until the story is finished, in which case I will switch over to daily updates. I'm a bit busy at the moment, but hopefully in the next few weeks I'll be able to post more quickly. We'll see how it goes. 
> 
> In the meantime, this fic will be slightly more serious than the last one, but there will still be lots of fluff and cuddles. Rating might go up depending on how violent the fighting bits get (I might just Tarantino it...I dunno.) 
> 
> For the uninitiated, this is a sequel to my fic Seven to One. If you haven't read it, you'll probably be wondering who all these OCs are. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

Experiments had only confirmed what Kylo had already known, proximity to Hux made him stronger.

Prior to their meeting with his Master, or the Supreme Leader as Hux called him, a test of Kylo’s powers had been conducted. They were simple enough tasks, and while they might not give a perfect measurement of Kylo’s abilities or potential, the technology on the Finalizer would certainly show the difference in his power. Weights and dummies had been set up and Kylo would attempt to lift them or knock them across the room with the Force as best he could. In the first stage he had lifted as much weight as he could, and pushed the dummy back as far as he was able. At that point, Hux had been on the bridge at the other end of the ship.

Next, Hux had not been in the room, but he was close by, observing Stormtrooper training exercises with Captain Phasma. Kylo found that the second time he was tested his capacity to lift and push objects with the Force had increased by about twenty five percent.

That percentage had jumped to fifty when Hux was in the same room as him. The General hardly looked up to watch, instead busying himself by alternately looking at the monitors the lab technicians were working at and his datapad, watching the computers crunch numbers to the best of their abilities. As if a machine could properly measure the Force. Occasionally Hux’s blue-green eyes, surrounded by light bruising from sleepless nights and framed by wispy orange lashes would flick up towards Kylo before returning to the monitors.

Kylo had allowed the weights to clatter to the floor as he had looked over at Hux, who had seemed determined to keep his eyes glued to a screen. Hux had starting acting strangely, and Kylo, despite trying his best to scan his emotional profile and the Force that moved around him, could not figure out what it was. It was more than the General’s usual unfamiliarity with emotions or physical affection. Normally he responded to those positively, displaying curiosity, comfort, relaxation, and occasionally a sliver of happiness would bubble up from under Hux’s usual stress, frustration and ambition. Over the last few weeks though, something had begun to seem off. They would kiss, hold each other, and for a few hours everything would be fine. Then Hux would stiffen, make up a reason to excuse himself and make a hasty retreat.

It was incredibly confusing for Kylo. Hux did not project fear or nervousness, as had been Kylo’s worry the first time it had happened. It was not really even dread or worry that Hux seemed to be feeling. Kylo could feel Hux’s gut instinct calling to him to pull away, and then the General would. The only reassurance Kylo could gleam from the situation was that the Force that moved through Hux at those moments was always disappointed, slightly melancholic and certainly regretful. Hux did not want to stop, but something in his mind had compelled him to.

As small a consolation as it was, Kylo was grateful to know that whatever it was that was making Hux act this way, it had nothing to do with him.

After the experiment had concluded they had gone directly to the Holochamber. They walked in silence, which was normal. At Hux’s behest, the General being ever the strategist, they were keeping their relationship quiet. They still had a tendency to bicker and Hux did not want any serious debate they had over tactics or management to be dismissed as a lover’s squabble. They took very few pains to hide their relationship, but they did nothing to flaunt it either. Hux had set a few, admittedly understandable limits though. No public displays of affection and no discussing anything personal while they were both on duty. Kylo, in turn, had Hux agree that the bed would be a work-free zone. When they lay together there would be no datapads or talk of work. If Hux was called away by an emergency, that was one thing, but Kylo liked to have at least a few hours of Hux’s attention uninterrupted by the sounds of messages being sent and received or the clatter of furious typing.

The holochamber was not technically private, but it was private enough. As the blast doors closed behind them and they approached the large projector in the center of the room, Kylo could not help asking, “Are you alright?”

“Fine,” came Hux’s automatic reply. He always said he was fine, though at Kylo’s behest, and as part of his emotional training, Hux had begun to follow up the knee-jerk response with a more elaborate analysis, “I’m tired, I suppose. Last night was another bad bout with my insomnia. I’m surprised I didn’t wake you.”

“You know I can help you get to sleep if you need it, you just have to ask,” said Kylo with a slight groan. Hux had not mentioned anything about having a rough night before.

“I have medicine, I’m still not comfortable with you doing something with my brain to knock me out,” insisted Hux.

“Then you should have woken me up so I could get your medicine for you,” argued Kylo.

“I took it, it just didn’t work,” said Hux, adding, “It’s an herbal medicine. If I take it too often my body builds up a tolerance for it and it stops working. I have to go to medbay and have a doctor prescribe me something else to cycle with it.”

“And when are you going to medbay?” asked Kylo.

Hux stayed silent.

Kylo groaned and rounded on the General, “Hux…”

“I just don’t have time,” said Hux, “After this there’s a problem with the shield generator that needs immediate attention, then I have a meeting with sanitation to discuss all these bloody monsters that seem to be popping up in the trash compactors and killing people, and then after that-”

“If you’re sick you need medicine!” snapped Kylo, much more angrily than he meant to. It still happened occasionally. Nerves and strong feelings would compel him to snap at Hux, or tease him or say something rude despite Kylo’s best intentions. He groaned, “Promise me you’ll see a doctor and get your prescription changed.”

“Ren, I can’t, not today, I’m busy,” insisted Hux, furrowing his brow.

“One of these days you’re going to collapse. Is that what you want?” demanded Kylo, “How much of your precious work will you be able to accomplish if you’re passed out and hooked up to an IV drip because you’re exhausted, malnourished and dehydrated?”

“It won’t come to that. I know how to take care of this,” said Hux, his voice becoming lower. Hux, unlike most, did not shout when he argued. He became more firm, more deliberate and much quieter, but the effect was nearly as intimidating as being shouted at.

“Hux…promise me, please? You’ll take five minutes. You’ll get someone to go for you. You’ll pull rank on some medic. But promise by the end of the day you’ll sort this out,” insisted Kylo, trying to be a little more gentle.

“No promises, but I’ll try,” said Hux, relenting only slightly.

Kylo sighed and let out a huff of laughter, “Of course, if you want to collapse so I can carry you around the Finalizer, just say the word. I’m not as big as E’Chon, but I can still give a decent piggyback.”

Hux coloured slightly, undoubtedly at the memory of being paraded around his ship over the shoulder of the Order of Ren’s largest knight, all while the brilliance of his tactics and shapeliness of his ass was proclaimed to the crew. Hux crossed his arms and gave Kylo a glare out of the corner of his eye, “Never again, Ren.”

“But you’d be so cute, all sleepy and curled up against my back,” teased Kylo. He watched Hux’s glare intensify with each word, “Adorable, absolutely precious, so sweet and harmless while your head nods up and down and you barely succeed in keeping your eyes open.”

“I am none of those things,” said Hux with a slight growl.

“You’re a bit on the clueless side,” insisted Kylo, patting Hux on the back, trying to be reassuring to make up for his ribbing, “But don’t worry, it’ll come to you. Once you work out your feelings, learn what they all mean, the rest comes pretty naturally.”

The Force around Hux was suddenly laden with that odd instinct that Kylo could not quite figure out a name for. Not fear, not anger, not sadness…a little frustrated and disappointed. Kylo sighed and slid his hand down to slip it in Hux’s, “Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Yes,” said Hux automatically before adding, “Just something on my mind. I’ll try to have it sorted out soon.”

Hux squeezed Kylo’s fingers lightly as a way to indicate that their conversation was over. Kylo sighed through his nose. He wished Hux would just tell him what was wrong, but chances were that even if the General wanted to, if emotions were involved, Hux might not be able to communicate what was happening. He understood basic emotions, anger, fear, sadness, disgust and happiness, and seemed to have a grasp of more nuanced emotions where fear and anger were concerned, but he simply did not have the vocabulary for most of his feelings. From time to time Hux would describe something to Kylo and ask him to name it. It would have been sweet if Hux had not been in his thirties and struggling to identify things Kylo felt were fairly self-explanatory.

Suddenly the massive hologram of Kylo’s Master appeared. Hux sprang away from Kylo like a frightened wamprat and snapped to attention. With his mask, regaining physical composure was not an issue for Kylo. He turned his face upward and rubbed his gloved fingers together as Hux’s warmth slowly seeped out of them.

“I trust the results of your tests were satisfactory,” observed his Master.

Kylo nodded as much as his neck would allow while it was craning to look up, “Yes, though the equipment used could have been more specialized.”

“It was short notice. It was the best we could do,” Hux nearly growled back, now on the defensive. Hux still took comments about his ship, men and equipment far too personally.

“And the conclusion?” asked his Master, ignoring Hux.

“When the General is present, I become more powerful,” explained Kylo, “My feelings for him strengthen me.”

Hux turned his head down slightly at that. He knew that his Supreme Leader was aware of their relationship. It was impossible for him not to know. Deciding it would be better to be upfront about it rather than trying to hide it like a pair of naughty children, Kylo had announced to his Master that Hux was the vessel for the Knights of Ren’s concurrence and that he was the primary care-giver. His Master hardly seemed surprised, and warned them not to let their personal interests and feelings interfere with their respective missions. All the same, Hux did not seem terribly comfortable with their relationship being brought up at meetings. Due to the nature of the dark side and its connection to passion and emotion, it was impossible for Kylo not to mention it occasionally, but he did his best to avoid it.

“I would like for him to accompany us to the Living Temple,” said Kylo, “Do I have your permission, Master?”

Kylo heard Hux’s boots click as the General rounded on him. Hux’s voice growled out, “And when exactly did you plan on asking _my_ permission?”

“After I asked my Master,” replied Kylo bluntly.

“The Living Temple is a test for only the strongest with the dark side of the Force,” said Snoke warningly, “You may need to expend all the strength the Queen of Ren provides in order to ensure his survival.”

Kylo felt outrage radiating off of Hux. It was clearly all he could do to bite back an exclamation and interrupt his Supreme Leader. He mouthed the offending word at Kylo, ‘Queen?’

_‘You haven’t made mention of his official title?’_

_‘No, Master. His masculinity is…fragile.’_

“The Knights of Ren, through the generations, have made use of a vessel for concurrence. Until recently, that role has always been filled by a woman,” said Snoke, turning his attention briefly towards Hux, “I prefer this. A male vessel will bring the benefits of strength and release to your knights without the nuisance of procreation.”

Kylo could feel discomfort and humiliation rolling off of Hux in waves. He could only guess which of the revelations felt worse. That Hux had been given a woman’s function, that his superior was speaking so brazenly about him having sex, or that his superior was implying that he wanted Hux to have sex with seven different men in order to make them more powerful.

_‘Master…this is upsetting for him.’_

_‘It is his function. If you wished to spare your vessel, Lord Ren, you ought to have informed him yourself.’_

“However, the presence of the Queen of Ren may be as great a boon as it is a detriment,” warned Snoke.

“Supreme Leader, Force-Sensitive or not, I’m hardly fragile,” protested Hux.

“The longest the First Order can spare General Hux is two weeks and he must be able to function upon his return. Consult with your knights and ensure that I am informed of your decision,” instructed Snoke, “And should General Hux accompany you, be sure to leave an allowance of time for preparations to be made for his absence.”

_‘Master, if it is possible, if another could be trained and the General requested it…Would he be allowed to retire? So he might dedicate himself fully to-’_

_‘General Hux is, at the moment, an indispensable asset to the First Order. He may serve the Order of Ren in addition to his military duties, but he is not to forsake them. Bear this in mind as you move forward, Lord Ren.’_

The hologram disappeared and Kylo felt a pair of angry hands give him a rough shove. He ought to have expected it, but it caught him off guard and he felt his anger starting to boil as Hux slapped his chest harshly.

“Queen of Ren!?” barked the General.

“I was going to tell you!” insisted Kylo, “It’s just a title.”

“A woman’s title!” snapped Hux, “Well, I suppose all that ‘care-giver’ nonsense makes sense now! I suppose I’d need one of you to help me look after all the bloody babies, is that it!?”

“Calm down Hux!” Kylo snapped back.

“No, I will not calm down!” growled Hux, “For once, _I’m_ going to have the outburst! Why didn’t you approach me about this first!? You can’t just go volunteering me for away-missions!”

“I was going to!” Kylo shouted back, “Alright? I was going to ask my Master first, then let you choose if you wanted to come or not. I figured it was better this way.”

“And you didn’t think I didn’t deserve some warning!? And that was…completely humiliating and uncalled for!” thundered Hux, taking a moment to search for the right words.

“I said I was sorry!” Kylo yelled, “Once again, everything is all my fault! Forgive me General, I just can’t seem to do anything right for you!”

“Don’t give me that self-pitying tripe!” said Hux, lowering his voice to a hiss as he regained some of his composure, “I’m going to check on the shields. I’m going to walk away and pretend this didn’t happen for the rest of the day, but don’t think I’ll forget it. We’re going to have a very serious talk about this later.”

“Go ahead and run away,” growled Kylo. He instantly regretted the entire exchange. Clearly he had miscalculated and was in the wrong here. He should have talked to Hux first. He at least deserved some warning. Kylo could see that now. And Snoke talking about Hux’s function had only made things worse. Kylo wanted to apologize, sincerely, say he never meant to hurt Hux, send out his feelings and hug him close until all the hurt and embarrassment went away.

Instead he put his foot in his mouth by calling after Hux, “You can’t just boss me around like one of your pawns!”

Hux turned and stood before the now open blast doors, “Oh, can’t I Ren? After all, I’m your god damned Queen.”

Kylo sighed. Hathor was going to kill him…

   ***  

_‘You WHAT!?’_

_‘Dearest brother of my heart, I beseech you to stay your wrath-’_

_‘No! No, no, no. Absolutely not. What were you thinking, Master of Ren!?’_

_‘I just…I thought if I asked him first and he said yes, then our Master told him he couldn’t, it would hurt him.’_

_‘So you tell him that it’s tentative! Ugh…You are all going to make me go grey before my time…’_

_‘I should have thought the vessel would have been informed of his true title by now, not to mention his functions.’_

_‘I thought you were going to tell him, Kylo. If he’s involved he deserves to know everything. And you really should have asked him first too.’_

_‘The poor dear must have been so embarrassed. He might be physically and mentally sturdy, but he’s still delicate when it comes to emotions.’_

_‘He’s got a good head on his shoulders. I’m sure he’ll bounce back okay. Pain’s part of the whole emotional gig.’_

_‘Ugh, I know…I just think about him getting embarrassed and walking off alone and…I need to mother him.’_

_‘Gentle love…seeing you so struck with deadly pain causes endless misery…’_

_‘I agree with the dandies! Were the slight not caused by a most moronic misunderstanding I would behead whoever dared wound our soft-handed General and make a present of his skull!’_

_‘…thanks E’Chon, I feel a lot better now.’_

_‘I see you have begun using the General’s sarcasm! He will be most pleased!’_

_‘Either way, you should make it up to him tonight. It sounds like he’s going to have a long day, and if he isn’t sleeping he’ll be really tired.’_

_‘If Eleo Ren’s sleeplessness is any indication, the vessel will require a great deal of care.’_

_‘Yeah. If he’s like me, he’ll go back to his room ready to kill for a decent massage and sellout his own mother in exchange for a hot bath.’_

_‘…would you really…?’_

_‘Yup.’_

_‘Your ruthlessness never ceases to delight.’_

_‘Seig, stop encouraging him.’_

_‘Although methinks I agree. Our divine claret treasure would surely appreciate a soothing gesture after such a trying revelation.’_

_‘And then you will conquer him!’_

_‘N-no E’Chon, apologize first, conquer later. Without the conquering. Being on the receiving end of conquering is really scary.’_

_‘Right, well, a bath and a massage are wonderful, but please apologize to him Master of Ren. I understand how difficult it is for you to verbalize feelings, but I have to insist on this.’_

_‘I know, I know…I don’t like hurting him it just…comes out. I promise I’ll talk to him. But in the meantime…if he forgives me and wants to join us, should we bring him along? Our Master doesn’t think there will be a significant benefit.’_

_‘The Living Temple will devise a trial for each member of our party. As we journey deeper and take longer to complete our tasks, it will learn more about us and our challenges will become more difficult. An extra person will mean an extra level, giving the Temple more time to test us and increasing the chances of failure.’_

_‘But Kylo said he gets almost twice as strong around the General. If that goes for all of us, then we should be able to get through levels twice as fast as we could on our own.’_

_‘Indeed, and the General himself is not to be taken lightly! Surely he can hold his own in combat and assist us in our battles!’_

_‘Yeah, but remember with the Rathtars? Sure he helped, but after he was a wreck, and during the fight it was all he could do to keep himself together. Besides, it’s a temple designed to chew up and spit out Force-Users. Someone like the General, tough as he is, will have an awful time.’_

_‘A lot can be said for a powerful bond, though. Mako and I are decent on our own, but we’re unstoppable together. When the love of your life’s survival depends on your performance in battle you fight significantly harder than you would if you were only protecting your own skin.’_

_‘Well spoke dearest brother. Though the blessing of the Force has passed him o’er, I believe a case might be made for that wily tenacity. T’was his command to rain fire from the sky betwixt us and our foes.’_

_‘I get that, and you can get a lot of mileage from a decent arsenal. All I’m saying is someone with no training is going to have a bad time. Do we really want to drag him into that?’_

_‘I think if we tell him about the danger beforehand he can make the best decision for himself. He has a lot of people who depend on him. I don’t think he would take on a challenge that would put him at too big of a risk.’_

_‘This…does not bode well with me. It is a temple and a Rite of Passage intended for us alone. Though he is our vessel, and perhaps it would serve us well to rally about him before the battle for strength…the thought of that blasphemous man running about a sacred temple with his guns and poisons…’_

_‘Hey, I fight with guns and poison. What does that make me?’_

_‘A grease-monkey who likes butts.’_

_‘Not helping, priss.’_

_‘Maybe let him decide? I still think with his crew needing him to come back safe he won’t take on something he can’t handle.’_

_‘But his sinful thoughts…’_

_‘Probably aren’t any worse than yours Seig. Thanks again for last night’s episode of Wet-Dream Theater, by the way. Really could have done without that while I was fixing the hyper-drive.’_

_‘Yeah…that was…that was…that was a thing your subconscious produced…’_

_‘I can’t believe your subconscious wants to do that to Hux…’_

_‘You all snivel as if you haven’t thought of compromising him.’_

_‘Uh right…well…this conversation is getting weird, and it’s hard to stay connected with you all so far off. I’m going to go get that bath ready.’_

_‘Oh! Don’t forget the perfumes and salts!’_

_‘Show the knots in his back and feet no mercy, Master of Ren!’_

_‘Don’t forget to rub his neck and play with his hair a lot. It’s short, but I think he likes having it touched.’_

_‘And speaking of hair, after a long day of thinking, nothing beats a scalp massage.’_

_‘And be sure it is done with the proper technique.’_

_‘And do remember us to the fair General. We do miss him dearly.’_

_‘I will. I’ll tell you how it goes next time we have joint-meditation.’_

_‘Fare thee well Master of Ren.’_

_‘Please, please do your best to apologize.’_

_‘Grab his ass for me when he’s feeling better.’_

_‘…really, Eleo?’_

_‘What!? It’s a nice ass!’_

   ***  

Hux sighed as he stood outside his quarters. Another day another fight with his ‘boyfriend’ it seemed. He was still not used to calling Ren by that term. It seemed like such a juvenile thing to say. There had to be something more mature. Hux did not think it was appropriate to call themselves anything so forward as ‘lovers,’ but there had to be something else. Partner? Bedfellow? Co-habitator?

Either way, what might have been called the ‘honeymoon phase’ had run its course. The novelty of being in a relationship had worn off slightly. While at first they had both taken great pains to be more civil and courteous than usual, they had quickly gone back to bickering over everything from military structure and training regimens to whose fault it was that chores around their now shared living space had not been done properly. Kylo still had his quarters, but he spent more nights beside Hux than he did in his own bed.

It was probably for the best that they went back to squabbling so quickly. There had been something slightly disingenuous about being so careful around each other. If this was going to work, they needed to be honest with themselves. Hux was stubborn and Kylo was verbally awkward. They were going to fight. That was the simple truth of the matter. Fondness or no, it would likely always be a part of how they interacted with each other.

Hux entered his quarters and saw Kylo. There was nothing unusual about that anymore. He had his mask off and looked dejected, which was slightly unusual. He looked away and sighed, “Look…I thought about it and I should have warned you…you were right.”

Hux let out another sigh and began the process of removing his boots, jabbing a heel into the nearby bootjack, “I could have told you that.”

Kylo scowled slightly, “I’m trying to be nice.”

“Ren…Kylo, that was the Supreme Leader. My superior. The person who gives me commands. Then he…talked about the seven of you using me for release…can you begin to understand how awful that was. I’m not going to get over this as quickly as you might like,” said Hux firmly.

“Look,” said Kylo, crossing the room and taking Hux by the shoulders. Hux was not sure how he felt about the gesture. With the size of Ren’s hands covering the pads inside his uniform it always made him feel small. Hux did not like feeling small, but the warmth and security that came with Ren having his hands on him always felt pleasant. The knight continued, “We don’t want to use you like that. It’s an emotional experience. Thinking of you as a tool for release sort of defeats the purpose. And…I’m…I’m sorry that happened…I could feel how embarrassed you were.”

“Would he…order it?” asked Hux quietly.

“What? N-no!” protested Kylo, giving Hux a slight shake as he reeled from the shock of the question, “I…why would you think that!?”

“He commands me, and he wants you to become stronger. I’m not an idiot, I can put one and two together,” said Hux with as flippant a shrug as he could manage, “It would be a sound, tactical deci-”

“He won’t,” said Kylo firmly, “That’s not how the…what you are…works.”

Hux grimaced, though he was grateful Kylo did not use his proper ‘title.’ Hux crossed his arms and looked up at Kylo slightly, “I don’t suppose you could call me the King of Ren instead?”

“Well, technically I’m the King of Ren,” said Kylo. He thought for a moment, “Consort of Ren? That’s gender neutral.”

“And yet somehow sounds worse…” muttered Hux, “If you _have_ to call me something, ‘vessel’ will do.”

“Anyways, I know today was rough, so I made you a schedule,” said Kylo.

“Oh, you remembered I like schedules. You’re so romantic,” chided Hux sarcastically.

“First, you’re going to take a bath before the water gets cold. Then you’re going to lie down and let me work on your back and feet. Then you’re going to take your medicine and I’m going to mess with your hair until you fall asleep,” instructed Kylo.

“I suppose it’s a good thing I picked these up from medbay then,” said Hux, pulling a telltale prescription bottle from his pocket, “Otherwise you’d be trying to tangle yourself in my hair all night.”

“You went to the medbay,” said Kylo with unabashed relief.

“Of course. I couldn’t have you following me around the ship and whining about how I can’t look after myself,” replied Hux. He walked toward the refresher and could already smell the salts and scents the knights seemed to love putting in his bath water. They were nice, but Hux had not quite adjusted to them. All of the smells could be a touch overwhelming for his senses. He glanced over his shoulder at Kylo, “Thank you for the bath.”

“Don’t stay in too long, or you’ll wrinkle,” warned Kylo, “And Hathor will never forgive me if I let you wrinkle.”

“No, I image he wouldn’t,” said Hux with a slight grin.

“Oh! I almost forgot to tell you!” said Kylo suddenly as Hux began to turn to enter the refresher.

“What?” asked Hux, his brow furrowing in concern.

Kylo sighed slightly, “That you’re beautiful.” His mouth curled into a grin, “Really Hux, I’ve gotten you with that every day this week. What happened to that genius level intellect?”

Hux rolled his eyes, “If you weren’t on the other side of the room, I’d slap you.”

Kylo shrugged and replied, “I know. Why do you think I’m standing over here?”


	2. The Dog-Pile of Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gang's all here!!!

“Is this…a dog-pile of victory?”

“No. It is the dog-pile of reunion. A most ancient tradition.”

Hux lay splayed out on the floor of the hanger. Unlike the last time this had happened, he managed to back up enough to keep his head and part of a shoulder free as six knights tackled him to the ground and piled on top of him. He tossed his head and jerked, trying to wriggle out from under them to no avail. Thankfully the maintenance crews that milled about the hanger were ignoring them. After three months of Knights of Ren coming and going, they had become numb to the sight and sound of black clad Force-Users giving their General raucous greetings.

Hux tried to tap out, but both of his hands were pinned down. Instead he groaned, “Having a bit of trouble breathing…”

The knights sprang off of him and E’Chon Ren, the biggest and most boisterous of the knights hauled him to his feet and began brushing off his front, “It is good to see you again, General!” He reached behind him and pulled out a pouch opening it, he produced a skull and handed it to Hux. “I make you this gift of my slaughtered foes! May it bring you good fortune in battle!”

“I’ll just put it with the rest of the collection then, shall I?” said Hux, holding up the skull and examining it.

“That is so gross…” said Hathor, shaking his head and causing the lights in the hanger to bounce off his smooth, polished mask.

Hux gave a light shrug, “In ancient times on Arkanis kings and chieftains kept them as a display of power. I don’t mind them.”

“You see! He accepts my offering!” shouted E’Chon proudly and thumping Hux on the back.

“Ugh…” said Hathor, backing away slightly, “I’m glad to see you General, and I see you’ve been taking better care of yourself, just keep that thing far away from me.”

Hux let out a gasp as he felt something brush his backside. Behind him he saw Eleo Ren crouched down, an extended hand level with his hips. The knight raised his hands in surrender, “There was dirt! I was brushing it off!”

“Somehow I don’t believe that…” grumbled Hux.

“Stay your hand brother and treat our beauteous rose of war with deserved decorum,” said Mako Ren, sauntering up beside Hux, unmistakable with his poetic language and checked pattern on his mask. He raised a gloved hand to cup Hux’s chin and added, “Gaze upon his delicate visage and become lost in the storm of his eyes. Such a beauty must be appreciated with delicacy.”

Hux pulled back and tried to will away the blush that crept over his face. Even after all these months he still was not used to Mako Ren’s outrageous flirtations. He could remain stone faced when told he looked good, or handsome, but Mako took things to a level that Hux could not even begin to quantify.

“So you would join us, General?”

As Hux pulled away he had nearly stumbled into Seigurd Ren. The most spiritual and in a strange way, probably the most unhinged of the knights stared up at him sternly through his mask. His arms were crossed, his body language displaying contempt and defensiveness. He continued, “The Living Temple is not to be taken lightly. Especially for one such as yourself.”

“Kylo explained it to me and I did some research. I believe I stand a decent chance,” said Hux firmly, “And from what I understand of the situation I like to think myself more of a help than a hindrance.”

“I do not say these things because I dislike you, vessel, though you might keep your arrogance and blasphemy in check,” said Seigurd austerely, “The Living Temple, by design is meant to break any and all who dare enter. You must not underestimate it because you have a sharp mind and strong, shapely thighs.”

Hux reddened and backed away.

“Okay, I’m the butt-toucher, and even by my standards that was weird!” protested Eleo.

“But his thighs are indeed shapely! As are his buttocks!” thundered E’Chon, “His form is most pleasing to behold!”

“I’m not arguing that, I’m just saying the way he said it was creepy,” continued Eleo.

“Would you three knock it off!? You’re embarrassing the poor thing!” snapped Hathor.

“Brother, do you mean to say you do not find him most provocative and nubile!?” demanded E’Chon, waving his hands in an outline meant to match Hux’s slender frame.

“He is indeed firm of leg and comely of visage, yet stay your speech lest thy words render him tremulous,” protested Mako.

Hux found a bench to sit on and waited, red faced and not knowing where to look, clutching his new skull in his lap. He felt a hand slip over his and a voice enter his mind.

_‘Hi.’_

“Hello Gaius,” replied Hux quietly. He sighed, “Thank you for being normal…”

 _‘No problem,’_ the smallest knight replied, _‘And thanks for coming with us. We’ll make a great team.’_

“I believe so as well. I looked over what we know of the Temple and survival ratios, and I think our chances are decent,” said Hux, “And studying survivor’s accounts, it sounds a lot like simulation training. I’ve a good deal of experience with that.”

 _‘Oh, I don’t doubt it,’_ assured Gaius. He looked about the hanger, _‘Where’s Kylo?’_

“You don’t know?” asked Hux, “I thought you were connected.”

 _‘I know he’s here but…sorry, all the halls on your ship look the same to me. Oh, he just said something held him up,’_ said Gaius, sounding a bit disappointed, _‘I thought you would know.’_

“I’m sure whatever he’s up to, he’ll be here soon,” said Hux. He watched the five other knights shout very loudly about his skin and hair and build before sighing, “Very, very shortly I hope…”

 _‘They don’t mean to be rude, they just think you look nice,’_ said Gaius quietly, leaning against Hux and patting his hand reassuringly, _‘I think you look nice too.’_

“Thank you,” replied Hux quietly.

Gaius let out a slightly pained grunting noise, _‘Yeah, Kylo’s on his way…he really didn’t like the ‘nubile’ comment…you can’t hear it but he’s really letting E’Chon have it.’_

Hux could only imagine what Kylo was shouting at the other knights, who suddenly became quiet. Within a few moments, Kylo strode into the room. To anyone looking on, it would have seemed as if Kylo, fierce in his silence, approached the knights who all bowed reverently before him. Hux, who was familiar with their shenanigans, figured Kylo was probably half cringing and stammering awkwardly about his knights way of talking about him, and the knights were half apologizing and half bickering like a bunch of children. Either way, he still hated being left out of the conversation, especially when he could deduce that he was one of the topics being discussed.

Hux got to his feet, tucking his new skull under his arm as he approached the knights. When they paid him no mind he coughed softly to get their attention. Six masked faces turned towards him and Hux asked Kylo, “What held you up?”

“One of your trash compactor monsters got out,” seethed Kylo, “I thought you took care of them.”

“Do you have any idea how large this ship is? We have more than one trash compactor,” sighed Hux, “So, you took care of it?”

“The one that got out, yeah, apparently they’ve been breeding,” groaned Kylo, “Why do we even have those things?”

“It’s more ecologically friendly than just spacing everything,” said Hux simply.

“Does it have to be a gross tentacle monster though?” sighed Kylo. He paused for a moment and sighed again, “…They’re all having a hard time keeping their hands to themselves, and your skull is really grossing Hathor out. You mind if we just…go somewhere private and talk.”

“You mean, can we go to the guest suite, throw all the mattresses on the floor and tangle ourselves around each other,” corrected Hux.

Kylo paused, “Not how I’d phrase it, but yes.”

“We have missed you dear. We’ll do our best to refrain from doing anything in front of your underlings, but it’s been a while,” said Hathor.

“Indeed. How I have longed to behold our martial flower with my own eyes. Clasp the rose of war to my bosom. Give comfort to our dear, lonely anemone,” Mako sighed languidly, swooning against Hathor who in turn sighed and supported him.

 _‘We missed you,’_ said Gaius, working his smallest finger around Hux’s, _‘So, if it’s okay, could we…’_

“I knew you were coming so I arranged to take leave,” said Hux, trying to sound official and indifferent.

“Great,” said Eleo, patting Hux’s rear. The General nearly squeaked at the sensation and backed against Kylo, who glared down at his brother in arms. Eleo groaned, “It’s been months. Cut me some slack.”

“Indeed, the absence has been long,” agreed E’Chon.

“A long time to go without indulgence,” added Seigurd.

Hux clapped a hand over his eyes in frustration, “You really have no idea how normal people phrase things, do you?”

“I am aware. I simply choose to ignore it,” said Seigurd. His voice behind the modulator became slightly more irate, “I do so despise denial and posturing.”

   ***  

Upon reaching the guest suite Hux was promptly pounced on. Gaius, desperate for a hug, threw himself at the General so forcefully that the larger man was nearly knocked to the ground. Kylo felt Hux hesitantly place his hands over the small knight’s shoulders and awkwardly hug him back. Gaius did not seem to care in the least that Hux still struggled with giving affection. His appreciation for the gesture nearly overwhelmed everything else that that his brothers were feeling.

If this had been anyone else, someone in Hux’s bridge crew, or a group of strangers, Kylo would have scared them off. However, he and his knights, his brothers in arms, shared a unique connection. Kylo could feel through their nerves, see with their eyes and access all of their senses. He could also feel all of their emotions, and hear all of their thoughts, though distance would weaken the connection and extra concentration was required to make things clearer. When his brothers touched the General, Kylo could feel it, and he could feel the joy in brought them. He could share their sensations and feelings, communing with them and allowing their usually conflicting opinions and personalities to have a moment of peace and agreement. They all felt the same of about Hux. They appreciated his fearlessness, admired his features and were, in varying degrees, attracted to him. Being around Hux and being able to exist in a state of concurrence felt like taking a rest after a long day of work.

Kylo pushed the beds out of the way with the Force, being careful not to completely crumple them as he had last time. Hux was still very adamant about things on his ship not being destroyed, so Kylo indulged his request as best he could. From time to time his temper would get the better of him, but an effort was being made. He lifted the mattresses and set them on the floor as he felt his brothers begin to pull their masks and helmets from their faces.

“So happy to see you again General,” said Hathor, putting his hands on Hux’s shoulders and standing on the tips of his toes to kiss the air by the General’s cheek, “I see you’ve been keeping clean and neat. Have you been eating enough? I’ve heard you’ve had trouble sleeping.”

Kylo snorted, _‘He’s not really used to being mothered, Hathor.’_

_‘That will change. Oh, he feels thinner…has he gotten thinner?’_

_‘Not that I’ve noticed. I think he’s been eating the same as always.’_

_‘…so he hasn’t really been eating, has he?’_

_‘I make him eat something whenever I can, but he’s always running off to work!’_

“I’m quite alright,” said Hux, slightly flustered by the attention. Gaius was still clinging to his side and Hathor was practically draping himself from Hux’s shoulders.

“Ah, my sweetest pearl, my lamb, my dove,” sighed Mako, now hugging the General from behind to keep Hux pressed between himself and Hathor, “How I’ve longed to feel your svelte form in my arms again!”

That brought a full on blush to Hux’s face as Kylo watched and laughed to himself. He could feel Hux’s warmth, his back and chest pressed against him. He took off his mask and shot Mako and Hathor a warning glance despite the smile he could not quite erase from his lips, _‘Come on you two. You’re always complaining that I tease him too much and remind me about how shy he is.’_

_‘Yes, but he seems to have gotten better.’_

_‘I noticed too. He’s not nearly as shaky and nervous as before.’_

_‘Indeed, he rests much more easily.’_

“Come on, I’m not having that,” protested Hux, swatting lightly at Mako’s hands.

“But I’ve so longed to expound upon your beauty, General. Do thy graces refrain to do me due delight?” asked Mako forlornly.

They were all distracted when Seigurd reached up and dragged a hand through Hux’s hair. Out of all of them, the fair haired knight seemed to have the biggest fixation on Hux’s hair colour, likely due in no small part to it being a shared trait with Darth Sidious in his younger days. Kylo could feel the coolness of Hux’s hair in his own hand and it brought a smile to his face.

“I don’t have our brother’s love for flowery language, but I agree, for a Forceless hellion, you are lovely,” said Seigurd.

_‘I’m impressed. That was almost normal Seig.’_

_‘I speak as I am compelled to speak by the darkness. The vessel possesses many desirable traits.’_

_‘He looks nice. Just say it like that. He doesn’t get embarrassed by that anymore.’_

_‘I was talking about that chasm of fear and hatred that’s festering inside him…but yes, he is…incredibly tempting.’_

_‘Watch out Kylo, Seigurd is being seduced by the dark side of your boyfriend.’_

_‘Seigurd…’_

_‘I will refrain at your command, Master of Ren.’_

E’Chon enveloped the whole lot of them in his massive arms, even managing to get all five of them a few inches of the ground. Hux seemed amused by this, even smiling a little. It was a rare thing to see him actually smile, not just grin viciously, and Kylo savored it. Eleo, on the other hand, sighed and joined Kylo on the mattress.

_‘You guys are blocking his ass.’_

_‘Not everything needs to be about butts you artless gear-head…’_

_‘Indeed. Join us in our embrace dear brother.’_

_‘I’ll wait until he gets that tunic off. I want to hug him, not all of his padding.’_

_‘I shall bring him to you forthwith!’_

_‘E’Chon? E’Chon, no!’_

Before anyone could react, the large knight hand wrestled Hux from his brothers, lifted him up, and tossed him on the pile of mattresses before pouncing beside him, shooting Hux no less than half a yard into the air before E’Chon caught him again.

_‘I have secured the soft-handed General!’_

_‘And terrified him!’_

_‘He got some good air though.’_

_‘Eleo I swear by the Force…’_

_‘What? He did!’_

_‘H-hold on…is he okay? E’Chon, is he alright?’_

_‘Hm? Of course! I would not allow harm to come to…oh dear…perhaps I…’_

Hux had rolled off of E’Chon and tucked his hair back into place. Kylo felt it again, that slightly off, half-dead instinct that compelled Hux to pull away from people. He called out to his brothers,

_‘That thing I told you about. He’s doing it now. What can you make of it?’_

_‘I…can’t tell. I’m not good with the Force. He seems a bit upset though.’_

_‘Not happy, whatever it is.’_

_‘Gloomy, and perhaps…reticent? It has its roots in fear and hesitation.’_

_‘I sense disappointment! Is he not satisfied?’_

_‘No…I’m getting that from him too, but it seems to be tinged with self-loathing. He hasn’t happened to have mentioned a bad relationship in the past, has he? Perhaps he’s once bitten, twice shy…’_

_‘I can sense…conflict. He very conflicted. He desires companionship and affection, but there is something I cannot sense holding him back. May I have permission to probe deeper, Master of Ren?’_

_‘No. I don’t want anyone reading his mind without him asking. He doesn’t like that.’_

“Goodness, you startled me,” said Hux, recovering and swatting E’Chon’s shoulder lightly, “Oaf.”

It was a front and Kylo could sense it, but Hux was trying hard to be agreeable. Not wanting to waste his efforts, Kylo settled beside Hux and nuzzled against him, “Good to have everyone together, isn’t it?”

The instinct was beginning to fade and Hux was slowly becoming more comfortable as he forced himself to be personable. It was not a technique Kylo approved of. He would prefer it if Hux was open with all his emotions, good or bad, regardless of the situation, but he had had and lost that argument fairly early on in their relationship. Hux had been using that technique for years, and so long as his job required a certain degree of stoicism and fronting, he would continue to use it.

_‘I…I really wish he could settle down, even for an extended leave of absence. I just want to help him work through this.’_

_‘We all do, but he really likes his job, his crew and his ship.’_

_‘I know…I just…if he retired to be our vessel full-time, maybe he could be happier.’_

_‘He doesn’t seem the type to sit still for very long, Master of Ren.’_

_‘Chasing orders and numbers seem his chiefest delights.’_

_‘…I know…still…’_

“So, since we’re all here. Anything I should know about this Temple aside from what I’ve read?” asked Hux.

“That is uncertain,” said Seigurd, settling onto the mattress, “What have you read?”

Hux pulled out his datapad and projected something at the wall. Kylo slapped his hand to his forehead. It was a slideshow. Of course it was a slideshow.

Hux pointed at the projection as it came into focus, “It’s a Temple located on the planet Heian, dubbed the Living Temple for its ability to extract information and adapt to the minds of those who enter it.”

He pressed a button and a far off image appeared, “Its outward appearance is that of a step pyramid, however, accounts of those who survived various trials inside indicate that there is either a powerful hallucinogen inside the Temple, or it is capable of warping space. No two accounts can agree on the layout of the interior.”

“There are no chemicals,” explained Seigurd, “As you are accompanying us, you may be informed. The living Temple is controlled by ghosts of the Sith.”

Hux blinked at that before arching his brow, “Ghosts?”

“You are aware of ghosts, aren’t you General?” asked Seigurd.

Gaius flopped onto Hux’s lap before piping, _‘Spooks!’_

“Things that go bump in the night,” added Eleo.

“Phantoms of the darkest minds,” declared Mako.

“Spirits of the departed,” explained Hathor.

“What you turn into after three days without sleeping,” teased Kylo.

E’Chon shuddered, “I do not approve of ghosts…” Gaius patted him on the shoulder.

“When a Force-User dies, they are capable of using their powers to bind their consciousness to the material world. It is beneficial in passing on knowledge, however, a ghost may only be seen or heard by those with sensitivity to the Force, and will be bound to wander the galaxy without rest. Or, in the case of those who inhabit the Living Temple, take up residence with a person or place. If they are powerful enough, they can have an influence on the world of the living,” explained Seigurd.

“So it’s haunted,” concluded Hux.

“After a manner,” replied the fair haired knight, “I sense you have some familiarity with the subject.”

“I’m from Arkanis. We’ve plenty of ghost stories. I never believed them though,” said Hux.

“I advise you to start believing in them,” warned Seigurd, “They will not be as tolerant of your insolence as we are.”

“I see…anyhow. I also understand the Living Temple will modify itself to prey on the weaknesses of those who enter, often singling them out one at a time in an attempt to break the entire group,” continued Hux, switching slides to a chart, “Of those who enter, there is a high survival rate, most pull out if one of their number is critically injured, however, there is an abnormally high rate of mental trauma, which often manifests as post-traumatic stress disorder. Success rates also seem extremely low.”

“It’s pretty much, by design, meant to break anyone who goes in. It’ll be who knows how many ghosts of incredibly powerful Sith knights and masters, against us,” explained Eleo.

“And they’re going to be looking in your mind,” Kylo warned Hux, “You can barely handle it when we do that.”

“I can handle it, I just don’t like it,” corrected Hux stubbornly. He switched slides again, showing a small metal coin held in someone’s hand, “Those who have succeeded describe completing their final challenge, then upon leaving the Temple, they find one of these located somewhere on their person. This is the only known image of one.”

“We don’t, however, know what the Temple will make of you. Most Forceless beings stumble upon it by accident. Should you accompany us, yours will be the first case of a being without the Force’s blessing entering of their own accord,” warned Seigurd.

“Is there normally such a prejudice?” asked Hux.

The knights became quiet. Gaius laced his fingers in Hux’s and tried to explain, _‘Not with all…but with some. The stronger one is with the Force the more tempting it is to look down on people who can’t sense it. Rather than looking at them as a being with a different skillset, they can sometimes be…well, you’ve seen how Seigurd gets.’_

Kylo heard his brother’s voice in his head, _‘I have no idea what it is you speak of Gaius. I have been most courteous with the vessel.’_

_‘His name is Hux.’_

_‘I will address him as vessel or General, as those are the functions the darkness has ordained him for.’_

The blond knight arched his brow before crossing his arms and Hux grimaced, “I think I understand now. Though, there’s also a possibility that it might underestimate me.”

“And should the Temple besiege him, I would protect him!” called E’Chon, “Ghosts or not, I would not permit harm to befall him!”

“It’s a nice sentiment, but there’s no guarantee. We won’t know what we will be facing until it happens,” reasoned Hathor.

“Which is all the more reason I ought to come with you. I’m a tactician and strategist,” said Hux, “You’ll need someone who can coordinate a combat situation and solve problems that arise swiftly. That’s what I was trained for.”

“I believe it would be preferential if the vessel refrained from entering and simply performed his function,” said Seigurd.

Hux stiffened slightly.

_‘…he is upset by this?’_

_‘Um, before…when our Master talked about it…he phrased it in a similar way…and he was sort of alluding to…you know…’_

_‘Ah, I see, he is mistaken.’_

“So we may rally our strength beforehand,” continued Seigurd. Hux screwed his mouth in a frown and glared.

_‘Seig…you’re making it worse.’_

_‘What exactly did our Master say? I would like to know that I may dislodge my foot from my mouth Master of Ren.’_

_‘Heh, Seig is pulling a Kylo.’_

_‘What do you mean, ‘pulling a Kylo’!?’_

_‘Did our Master say something rude to him?’_

_‘He…mentioned that the vessel’s function was to help the knights gain strength and…release…and…that Hux being a man was good because he wouldn’t complicate things with children.’_

_‘All sound observations.’_

_‘Seigurd!’_

_‘But I can understand his discomfort! I am not as callous as to repeat it to him out loud but you must admit they are all sound and logical observations in keeping with our traditions.’_

_‘I can believe our Master would say that, he’s usually pretty blunt about these things but…that must have shocked him pretty bad…he doesn’t think we only want him for that, does he?’_

_‘Oh…poor thing…’_

Hathor approached and wrapped his arms around Hux, “I think you misunderstand our brother. We have no intention of pressuring or using you.”

Gaius kept his grip on Hux’s fingers, _‘We want you to be able to help, but we want you to stay safe too, that’s all he meant.’_

“I would crush anyone who dared compromise your honour!” bellowed E’Chon.

Hux’s brow shot up at that, “But didn’t you try to do that when we first met?”

“It was not my intent!” protested the large knight, “I wished to end the Master of Ren’s pining for you! I would have simply cut off your means of escape and left you for him to confess his devotion!”

“Really…?” said Hux dryly.

“Indeed! For he was also indeed fond of you being tied-”

Mako clamped a hand over E’Chon’s mouth and shouted, “-to his soul! Spirits bound for eternity! Two hearts joined as one until the end of ages! Is that not a wondrous thought!?”

_‘Thanks for the save Mako…’_

_‘T’is my pleasure sweet Master.’_

_‘E’Chon…’_

_‘I thought we agreed the soft-handed General deserves truth!’_

_‘Ugh, not THAT truth!’_

_‘Kylo should probably be the one to tell him that.’_

_‘Ah, I see!’_

_‘Heh…’_

_‘Dammit Eleo it’s not funny!’_

_‘It’s a little funny…’_

A tone sounded from Hux’s datapad. The General sighed and closed the projector function. With a blur of fingers tapping and swiping across the screen he glowered, “There are more of those things in the compactor than we thought. The herd needs a serious culling.”

Hux looked up at E’Chon and gave a devious grin, “You like battle, don’t you?”

“I do indeed!” said E’Chon, flashing a smile as bloodthirsty as Hux’s was conniving.

“How would you and your brothers like to help me with exterminating a little infestation?” asked the General sweetly.

It was a wonder E’Chon’s smile did not split his face in half. It made Kylo’s cheeks ache just looking at it.


	3. Meanwhile in the Garbage...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Kylux fic that takes place in a Trash Compactor. This may be the most appropriate setting for a fic I have ever used in my life.

If someone had told Hux months ago that he would voluntarily go down into a trash compactor with Kylo Ren, he would have had them shot for their insolence. Granted, he was not really in the trash compactor itself, he was on an observation and maintenance platform with Mako, Hathor and Gaius Ren. The other four Rens, Kylo included, were the ones who were actually in the compactor. The sound of blasters firing, metal clashing and a lightsaber humming echoed through the small, contained space. His life had become exponentially more strange thanks to the knights, but Hux found himself not exactly minding it.

 _‘Too close!’_ something in the back of his mind thundered at him.

Hux sighed and shot a large, bulbous eye as it surfaced in the compactor. He had been taught by observation and been lectured on the dangers of close bonds. They could compromise his dedication to the First Order. Still, the knights were his allies. They were all fighting on the same side, so in theory it should not complicate anything. The only thing that might be compromised was a few hours of sleep spent talking and caressing instead of resting properly.

Unless, of course, Kylo felt drawn to the light again.

Kylo had confessed to that one night. He had been moodier than usual and, strangely enough, less violent. Hux could tell he was upset, but nothing could have prepared him for what Kylo explained to him. He did not fully dedicate himself to the dark side of the Force as his brothers did. He could use the light side as well, which the Supreme Leader claimed would make him stronger. That would have been all well and good, but Hux recalled the Jedi Order belonging to the light and their affiliation with the Republic. When Kylo had confessed that part of his attachment to the light was attachment to a family, parents and distant relations, who were on the opposite side of the conflict, that made Hux’s misgivings all the more real and pressing.

It was not Hux’s place to declare Kylo a liability and remove him from active duty. He was the Supreme Leader’s apprentice, not a member of the First Order military. And surely, out of everyone, the Supreme Leader with his vast power was more apt to understand the nature of Kylo’s conflict. Even so, it nagged at Hux’s mind. He was determined to keep Kylo focused, to help him feel that pull less and less. Otherwise…otherwise…

‘Don’t think of that. You’re in a trash compactor with a pack of Rens shooting at monsters. You should be thinking of almost anything else,’ Hux thought to himself.

His boyfriend was problematic. He had known that the second he had agreed to his relationship with Kylo. It was worth it. It made him happy. It could be good. He just had to stop thinking so hard. Kylo was always telling him that he had a tendency to overthink everything, and the knight was probably right. There was no problem. He was stressing himself over an issue that may never become relevant.

He shot another eyeball, “Another fifty or so should do it. We do need some of these things alive.”

   ***  

_“Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew…I am so tuning you four out…everything feels gross! I am going to have ten baths after this!”_

_“You’re not even in the trash compactor.”_

_“I’m closer than I want to be!”_

_“Bwahaha! See how I crush the garbage-eaters!”_

_“Looking good biggest brother!”_

_“Such filth, such foul monsters, all the bloodshed! The darkness smiles upon us!”_

_“Watch out, tossing a grenade your way.”_

_“Eleo, you’re ranged, why are you wading through garbage?”_

_“We don’t know what we’re going to be up against. I might need to brush up on close-combat. Mako might want to do the same.”_

_“Mako is not going anywhere near that trash pit!”_

_“Ay me…t’would seem I am obliged to remain aloft…”_

_“Say, do you think the General would join us? Might be good to try again now where things are a bit more contained.”_

_“I don’t know, last time took a lot out of him. Let me ask…”_

“Hux!” Kylo called upwards.

“What?” Hux called back.

“Mind if we patch you in again?” asked Kylo.

Hux paused and shrank down to one knee. He looked through his scope and closed one eye, “Alright, I’m ready!”

Kylo patched Hux in and immediately felt his discomfort and confusion as he adjusted. He also overheard Hux’s plan this time. Hux was not looking through the scope so he could aim properly - the scope was not even activated - it was so his field of vision would be the only one without proper depth perception. He would be able to focus on his own sight easier that way. He was also the only one remaining still with one knee on the ground. By positioning himself and adjusting the way he held his weapon, Hux had given himself something to anchor onto.

 _“Hux? Are you okay?”_ Kylo called out with his mind.

Hux responded by sending the image of a four man cell coming into a formation.

_“Use the center mound as the rallying point. Maintain high ground. Eleo, concentrate throwing explosives into the watery pools. Get them before they surface. Ranged units protect center mound. Seigurd, keep your mind open, we need to let at least five of them live.”_

The General was overwhelmed, but determined to keep going. Kylo kept most of his focus on Hux. Was he okay? Was he too overwhelmed? His mind was a whirl of tactics, calculating probabilities and pain. Beneath his surface thoughts, commands, was another layer of thoughts. He was worried about being overtaken by the seven other minds he was connected to. Hathor had said fighting with a partner brought strength but seeing Hux in pain like this was…

 _“I’m fine Kylo, concentrate!”_ Hux called with both his mind and out loud. It seemed he still had trouble with that.

_“You heard the boss.”_

_“Oh, nice throw Eleo. I think you got one!”_

_“Bwahaha! See chunks of it fly everywhere!”_

_“It explodes as the darkness commands.”_

_“Hold on dear, I think we’ll have the last of them soon.”_

_“Verily our foes will soon be vanquished and the fair General may take deserved repose.”_

_“Remember to leave at least a few alive.”_

***  

Kylo watched and felt Hathor visibly cringe as he, Seigurd, Eleo and E’Chon took the lift out of the compactor. He seemed to want to shrink back more, but was helping to support Hux between himself and Mako. The General himself was repeating a sluggish, somewhat lucid mantra of, ‘I’m fine, you can put me down,’ that the knights were ignoring. Hux certainly seemed better than he had after their fight with the Rathtars, but he still looked worn and winded. Kylo briefly connected to his mind to send him his feelings and hopefully give him some relief. He sent fondness, admiration, reassurance, and something he discovered Hux particularly enjoyed, praise. Hux always seemed to perk right back up no matter what his former mood had been if he received even the simplest praises for doing a task well.

_“You did so good, Hux.”_

Hux’s mouth twisted into a slight, rare smile and he sighed, “Well. You did so _well_ , Kylo.”

Kylo moved to embrace him when Hathor pulled the group back, “Not a step closer! I love you all like brothers but you’re covered in filth!”

“Aw, but I wanna give you a hug,” said Eleo devilishly.

“Absolutely not!” shrieked Hathor, taking Hux from Mako and pulling back, “You are all going straight into the refresher and not coming out until you’re clean!”

“We are indeed filthy!” agreed E’Chon triumphantly.

“Yes, truly we have done as the darkness bid,” Seigurd cackled lowly behind his mask.

“Indeed, however I believe the rot of flayed flesh is of sweeter scent,” said Mako, also pulling back slightly.

Gaius consciousness piped in, _‘Yeah, you guys could really use a shower. It would be rough sitting in a shuttle with you like this.’_

“So nobody wants a big group hug?” asked Kylo teasingly, spreading his arms and looking at Hux.

Hux narrowed his eyes, “I won’t let any of you touch me unless you wash first.”

The knights froze. They looked at each other before Eleo finally exclaimed, “First! Called it!” then took off down the hall.

Kylo lingered a moment so he could confirm, “So we all get to hug you as a group once we clean up?”

Hux coloured, but only slightly as he replied, “Yes, now go before you stink up the hall.”

“Would someone mind explaining to me what exactly this is?”

Kylo peered behind Hux and saw Captain Phasma, her armour shining brightly in the hall, flanked by a pair of Stormtroopers. She looked about and he could sense her confusion and disapproval. She had been sent to take care of a disturbance, someone had heard blaster fire coming from this sector, and found her General, his Co-Commander, and six Knights of Ren, half of which were covered in trash. Hux detached himself from Hathor and stood at attention. He turned to face the knights, looking stoic as ever, “Captain, these are the Knights of Ren. They were assisting with our little infestation in the trash compactors on this level.”

“I see…” said the Captain slowly. She seemed to be resisting the urge to shake her helmeted head, “Seems foul work to say the least. You’d never catch me going down there.”

Hux looked towards the knights. Kylo could sense confusion coming from him. The General had never introduced them before and had no idea how he was supposed to address them as a group. Kylo resisted the urge to laugh at Hux’s need for posterity and mentally supplied, _‘Knights.’_

“Knights, this is Captain Phasma, head of our Stormtroopers,” said Hux. The General discreetly touched Gaius’ hand and Kylo overheard him mentally add, _‘My partner in bimonthly inebriation.’_

 _‘Your drinking buddy?’_ Gaius replied.

Hux gave a discreet nod.

“The Stormtrooper Chieftain!” cried E’Chon, moving forward, “I have heard tell of your prowess in battle!”

“And this is…?” asked Phasma.

“E’Chon Ren,” replied Hux, “The one who tried to haul me off the bridge, as you may recall.”

“Ah,” said Phasma, raising her head slightly to look the knight over.

“I shall have the rumours confirmed for myself!” declared E’Chon, making a declarative swing of his massive, almost club-like blade.

“No, absolutely not!” snapped Hux, “No fighting outside the training areas. E’Chon? E’Chon are you listening to me!?”

_‘You don’t want to do that.’_

_‘I shall do battle with the First Order’s mightiest warrior!’_

_‘You really don’t want to do that.’_

_‘Why’s that, Kylo?’_

Without flinching, Phasma crouched down, seized E’Chon by the middle as he charged her, lifted him over her head with a grunt of effort and threw him to the floor, setting a foot over his back to hold him down. Hux sighed and covered his eyes, rubbing his temples with his thumb and fingers.

_‘That’s why.’_

_‘…she…she lifted…’_

_‘We saw, E’Chon.’_

_‘Brothers…I…I am in love…’_

_‘Thanks for the warning. If you get anywhere with her let us know so Mako and I can tune it out.’_

_‘Ah, right, you both rather dislike anything that involves women.’_

_‘Women are indeed soft and comely, though they satisfy not our needs.’_

_‘Remind me to get a girlfriend on the side sometime…’_

_‘Ugh…’_

_‘Brothers, she is beautiful.’_

_‘You haven’t even seen her face.’_

_‘It matters not! She is strong of arm and it is a thing of beauty!’_

“Terribly sorry about that Captain. I trust you have been made aware of my upcoming absence?” said Hux, changing the subject.

“All preparations have been made. We wish you success in your endeavors in this temple,” assured Phasma. She stepped off of E’Chon’s back.

“Very good Captain, you’re dismissed,” said Hux.

“Hold!” said E’Chon, rising to his feet. He bore down on Phasma, bellowing from behind his mask and modulator, “Should we return triumphant I would like the honour of a rematch! You are indeed a worthy opponent!”

Phasma looked him over, “Perhaps, schedules permitting of course.”

_‘I shall do battle with her again! Fortune smiles upon me!’_

_‘Heh, E’Chon’s got it bad…’_

_‘Does this compromise your feelings towards the vessel?’_

_‘My heart is vast enough to contain them both! Strength is most pleasing to me, but the General’s flesh is truly the most-‘_

_‘Could we not talk about my boyfriend’s flesh?’_

_‘But it is soft and pleasing to touch!’_

_‘Not the point E’Chon…’_

_‘He is looking much better since he started washing properly. His skin probably feels much softer than before.’_

_‘Hathor I believed in you!’_

_‘He looks so soft and appealing it’s almost sinful. Truly he belongs to the darkness.’_

_‘Oh my god…’_

_‘He does look like he’s doing a lot better now though.’_

_‘Yup. Man I missed his ass…_

_‘…’_

_‘And the rest of him, just mostly his ass, alright?’_

_‘He is indeed most firm of thigh and buttocks with soft and pleasing flesh. Especially if the Master of Ren’s memories serve-”_

_“Oh my god E’Chon!’_

“Alright, enough excitement, I’m not getting into a shuttle with you four smelling like that,” said Hux as Phasma and her troopers disappeared down the hall, boots stomping and armour clicking as they went. He looked at Kylo, “Well? Don’t tell me you’re all doing it again.”

“I wasn’t talking about your soft, pleasing flesh!” Kylo blurted out, his face flushed behind his mask.

Hux started slightly, then glowered before pointing down the hall, “Just go get clean already…”


	4. Kisses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, the complications of dating a hive-mind when you were raised to be monogamous... 
> 
> Things have been sort of crazy with me lately. I'm moving in August, so lots of packing and other fun stuff. I will try to keep updates regular, but it looks like I'm going to have to keep them weekly for a little while longer.

Four out of seven knights were in the shower, together, and Hux still had no idea how they all managed to fit. He stopped thinking about possible logistics almost the second he started. He did not want to think about a bunch of Rens piled in the refresher, especially when the other three were gathered around him. Preparations had already been made. Kylo’s Upsilon-class command shuttle had been supplied, given some last-minute maintenance and was ready for takeoff. Everyone seemed to have their bags packed. Hux knew he was ready. His tactical gear, which had gone untouched from quite some time, was packed up, along with a spare uniform and basic toiletries.

Though those basic toiletries, thanks to Hathor, had increased quite a bit. Hux, at Kylo’s behest, continued what had been dubbed, ‘proper care’ and after a few weeks in, when Hux had skipped a day due to work, he had felt disgusting. Eleo had warned him it would happen, though the General had not believed it at the time.

 _‘You’re all ready to go?’_ asked Gaius, who was resting on one of Hux’s crossed legs. It seemed to be his favorite place to recline.

“As I’ll ever be,” replied Hux, who was taking care of a few last minute messages on his datapad.

 _‘Are you feeling okay? You felt a little…off before. It’s a bit hard for me to describe,’_ said Gaius.

Hux kept his focus on the datapad. Yes, something was bothering him, and he would not have minded telling Gaius, but the issue there was that the small knight had a mental link to Kylo and the other knights. It was hard to privately confide in someone who had six other people constantly accessing their thoughts and emotions. Besides, something about him was ashamed to admit that he was so insecure over this. It was, in the grand scheme of things, a big problem. If Kylo’s pull to the light caused him to desert or defect, it would be disastrous for the First Order and that was very worrying. On the smaller, more personal scheme though, if Kylo left him, it would hurt. It would hurt terribly and Hux would be left with the choice of remaining loyal to the order or…no, the Order came first. The Order always came first.

“I’m working on it,” said Hux quietly, “I want to try to get through this one on my own, if you don’t mind.”

“If it’s something about Kylo, we could help. We know him best after all,” offered Hathor, who had settled next to Hux and absentmindedly carded through his hair, “Sometimes it’s better to have mediator.”

Hux sighed through his nose, “Then you know about his…inclination.”

“Which inclination might that be, fairest of Generals,” asked Mako, who was stretched across Hathor’s lap and resting his head on Hux’s other leg.

“…to the light,” said Hux quietly.

Hathor and Mako exchanged a slightly worried look as Gaius’ voice sighed in his mind, _‘We know. And we worry, but as bad as it is for us, it’s worse for him. He always feels like he’s being torn up.’_

“I daresay I wasn’t expecting him to be like that,” said Hux, “And I worry…” He could not finish the sentence.

“It would complicate things…and that’s putting it lightly, I know,” said Hathor, “But what guarantee do any of us really have that our bonds will be long and lasting? We fight constantly, for all I know I could die tomorrow.”

“Never, brother of my heart, for I would withstand a shower of plasma, be bloodied by a thousand blades, leaving the enemy to tread ‘cross my-”

“You can tell me how you’d die for me later, love, I’m making a point,” said Hathor, pressing a finger to Mako’s mouth, “The point is, nobody can say how long a bond will last, but it’s there, it makes you happy and it makes you stronger. I think you may need to stop overthinking it and enjoy what you have.”

“But-” Hux began to protest.

 _‘It’ll be okay,’_ assured Gaius, patting Hux’s leg, making sure to avoid the newly discovered ticklish spot on his knee, _‘This is one thing you really can’t plan for, and I know it makes you anxious, but you just have to let it happen and see where it goes.’_

“My dearest brother and I were fraught with nerves and fright when we began,” explained Mako, “For should death come to one while the other lingers on, t’would cleave even the stoniest heart in twain. Though as the needle turned it soon came clear no sweetness was bought by the strain.”

“Meaning…?” asked Hux.

“We used to worry about the same sort of thing, but it didn’t help, so we eventually stopped,” explained Hathor. He smiled slightly, “Though it’s nice to hear that you want your time with Kylo to last as long as possible. You’re very sweet under all your posturing.”

Gaius lifted himself slightly and raised his hand suddenly. Hux had no idea what he was trying to signal, but was distracted when he felt a pair of lips touch his cheek.

Hux turned bright red and placed a hand on the side of his face where the knight had kissed him and stared at Hathor’s dark features in disbelief. The other knight cocked a brow, a movement that was emphasized by the heavy paint around his eyes, then he gasped slightly and said, “Oh dear. I’m sorry General, I wasn’t thinking.”

“I…” Hux began and found he could not continue. It was as if his brain had turned to gelatin and now rested uselessly inside his skull.

 _‘It’s something Hathor’s always done,’_ Gaius tried to explain.

“I’m just…I’m attached to Kylo so…” said Hux slowly as his brain slowly remembered how to function.

Hathor stared at him quietly, slightly disbelievingly then began laughing lightly, “Goodness, it’s not like that at all General, where I’m from it’s a friendly gesture.”

“Oh,” said Hux, feeling a bit stupid for not realizing that sooner.

“If I wanted to gesture a more intimate affection, I would have done this…” said Hathor.

He leaned down and touched his nose to Mako’s, nuzzling against him gently before kissing him. The other knight’s arms came up to stroke his lover’s hair. Hux, never having had to deal with a couple kissing passionately on his lap, was incredibly flustered and leaned back to give them as much space as he could. Gaius patted him on the shoulder reassuringly and Hux sighed slightly. He was still not quite sure how his life had come to this, but it was certainly never dull.

Hathor finally came up for air, leaving Mako lying satisfied with a blissful look on his face as he lay on Hux’s leg. Hathor panted lightly before brushing his hair back into place, “See the difference?”

“Yes,” said Hux quickly.

Hathor laughed lightly before Hux got his usual composure back and asked, “Where are you from, anyways?”

“Atem,” replied Hathor, “You may not have heard of us. Our technology is so far behind yours it’s hardly funny anymore, and we don’t have much in the way of resources. At least ones that other systems want.”

Hux thought back to the navigational charts he had studied, “That’s a desert planet if I’m not mistaken.”

“It is,” said Hathor with a slight nod, “And it’s incredibly backwards. To my knowledge they still worship the sun and other things like that.”

Hux cocked his brow, “They worship the sun?”

Hathor gave a light sigh, “Before I was a Knight of Ren, I was a priest at the Temple of the Sun. I didn’t know what the Force was, but I did know occasionally people in my family would have the ability to lift things with their minds. Everything I read and everyone I spoke to said the power came from the sun and the stars, and it was how the sun marked his…I mean, its priests.

“Everyone believed it, so I never questioned it. I was just a child as well. Then, one day some strangers came in a ship from the sky. They were scholars who wished to learn about our way of life. They stayed with my family and we told them of our religion. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I could hear their thoughts.”

Hathor paused for a moment before he continued, “For my whole life up until then I believed the sun and stars were powerful gods with names, personalities and that they lived a life beyond my understanding. They were my constant companions filled with power and light. I killed for them. I ordered men to die for them. Then I heard the visitor’s thoughts say the gods were just burning hydrogen and helium.”

“What did you do?” asked Hux. He had never encountered someone in this sort of situation before. He had heard of it happening, but he had never been able to ask about it.

“Well, first I panicked,” admitted Hathor with a slight laugh, “I excused myself from the room…I cried a lot, because I knew it was true but I didn’t want to believe it. Then…well, I’m still not quite sure how, but I realized I couldn’t live on Atem anymore now that I knew the truth. So I left.”

“That sounds…serendipitous,” said Hux. It was quite the coincidence that Hathor came to his epiphany and was able to leave the planet right away, “What did you do next?”  

“To make a long story short, I stowed away on the visitor’s science vessel and, in time, the Force led me to the Knights of Ren,” said Hathor.

“How old were you?” asked Hux.

“By the standard calendar, I have no idea,” replied Hathor, “I’m not quite sure how to convert Atem’s calendar to standard. In fact, I haven’t a clue how old I am.”

“It would be easy for me to do it for you, I’m quite good with numbers,” offered Hux.

Hathor shook his head playfully, “Oh no dear, don’t do that. This way I can avoid turning thirty for as long as I like.”

Hux looked down at Mako, who had been surprisingly quiet and found him squeezing his lover’s hand. It must have been more difficult for Hathor to talk about than he let on. Hux hoped he had not touched anything too sore, but Hathor seemed fairly open. If something was difficult for him to mention, surely he would have said something, or Mako would have interrupted.

“So, to go back to what we were discussing earlier, are you comfortable if I kiss you on the cheek?” asked Hathor.

Hux furrowed his brow. That was not a question he thought he would be asked today, “I’m not sure. Where I’m from it’s a much more intimate act. Usually only women do it if it’s between friends. We’re also…fiercely monogamous.”

Hathor laughed, “That’s an interesting way to describe it.”

 _‘Fiercely?’_ asked Gaius.

“We take relationships incredibly seriously on Arkanis. So much so that divorces are only allowed under the most pressing circumstances, and even then they’re frowned upon. If the couple separates and their union isn’t officially annulled and they find someone else, it’s considered living in sin,” explained Hux, “And doing anything illicit with someone else is…well…”

“You think a kiss on the cheek is illicit?” asked Hathor with a laugh, “I had no idea you were so _vanilla_ , General.”

“I think it a fine trait. A simple softness amidst all his martial airs,” added Mako.

 _‘So, basically you just don’t want to do anything that would betray Kylo’s trust,’_ concluded Gaius.

“More or less…” said Hux.

 _‘Well, he’s in the refresher, and he’s been listening the whole time, and he can feel with our nerves. I think if he was upset with Hathor kissing you he would have let you know,’_ assured Gaius.

“Verily,” said Mako, adopting something akin to a thousand yard stare.

“He’s fine with it, so, if you’re comfortable with and enjoy being kissed, can we kiss your cheek?” asked Hathor.

Hux took a moment to think about it. If they were lying, Kylo would have kicked the door down by now and made them stop, or contacted Hux telepathically and told him they were playing a trick on him. Being kissed like that was pleasant, and so long as it was only a friendly gesture, there did not seem to be anything wrong with it.

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind,” said Hux quietly.

 _‘Um…could I try, maybe?’_ asked Gaius, looking away sheepishly and tugging at Hux’s sleeve to get his attention. He stopped and let go, _‘Oh, maybe not. My lips must feel strange.’_

“I already told you, I’m not afraid of excessive collagen tissue,” said Hux with a shrug, “If you want to, I don’t mind.”

Gaius rolled off of Hux’s lap and - due to their difference in height - the small knight had to kneel beside him. Hux was not exactly sure what the protocol for this sort of thing was. Was he supposed to look in a certain direction? Make eye contact? Tilt his face a certain way? He had no idea. He knew Kylo’s preferences, but that might not stand for the rest of his knights. Gaius, apart from a moment’s hesitation seemed more certain. He pressed his lips to Hux’s cheek, quickly like Hathor had done, and then pulled back.

 _‘Wasn’t strange, was it?’_ asked Gaius, taking a sitting position and holding Hux’s hand.

“No…well, yes, but it was more the kissing itself than anything to do with you,” admitted Hux. He looked at the refresher door. He had been kissed by two knights and still was not hearing any threats of violence, jealous outbursts or sounds of heartbreak. He sighed slightly, “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Might I then come to your aid sweet ruby of war?” asked Mako.

Hux cocked his brow, “…how?”

“Perchance I might also caress that snowy cheek to bring thaw to the inhibitions that plague thy martial mind?” said Mako.

“I have no idea what he’s asking…” Hux muttered to Gaius.

 _‘He wants to kiss you too, if it’s okay,’_ explained the smaller knight.

It soon became clear to Hux that the rest of the knights would want to try as well. It was just kisses on the cheek and Kylo seemed perfectly fine with it, so it was not doing anyone any harm, least of all himself. He sighed lightly, “If you want.”

Mako got up off of his and Hathor’s lap and kissed Hux’s cheek. He tapped the General’s lip – Hux recalled he had done that last time as well – and once again began spouting his poetry, “T’is a beautiful paradox of wintry warmth and white hot marble I find in the softness of thy-“

“You should try it,” said Hathor, nudging Hux as Mako continued talking.

“Pardon?” asked Hux.

Hathor tapped his own cheek invitingly, “I said, you should try it.”

Hux furrowed his brow and called to the refresher, “Kylo, Hathor is asking if I want to kiss him.”

“He can hear through our ears, dear,” chided Hathor, “No need to yell.”

 _‘And he feels through our nerves. So kissing Hathor is a little bit like giving Kylo an indirect kiss,’_ explained Gaius, _‘If you want to think about it that way.’_

For a few moments, Hux forgot he was dating a hive-mind. The knights could connect themselves to each other, not only tapping into each other’s thoughts, feelings and memories, but they could also borrow each other’s senses and experience each other’s sensations. It was fascinating, though Hux had found his forays into joining their connection, temporary and limited as they were, to be jarring and uncomfortable. He was more than happy to keep his senses and thoughts to himself.

It also occurred to him, even if the knights were kind enough to tune out when he and Kylo wanted privacy, they would probably see, hear and feel everything whenever Kylo thought about it. It was impossible for them to keep secrets from each other. Really, when he thought about it, he had been indirectly kissing, embracing and cuddling the six other knights whenever he made contact with Kylo.

So much for monogamy…sort of.

Hux leaned in without a word and kissed Hathor’s cheek. The knight seemed pleasantly surprised before he grinned haughtily, “How does it feel to kiss the mouthpiece of the gods themselves, General?”

Hux could not think of a good reply, but thankfully Mako chimed in with several, “The gods are jealous and undeserving of such grace and charm. His brilliance outstrips the stars, slays the moon and blots out the sun which are dull and lightless compared to the fairest-”

“I love you,” said Hathor, grinning and running a hand through Mako’s thick, artfully mussed hair.

Hux found the whole thing a little ridiculous, but let them have their moment. Gaius tapped Hux on the shoulder, _‘Um…if you don’t think it’s gross…’_

Hux rolled his eyes before leaning down and kissing Gaius’ cheek as well. The small knight seemed stunned and Hux said sternly, but not unkindly, “I don’t like repeating myself. Your scars don’t bother me. I hope you won’t forget again.”

Gaius smiled brightly and patted Hux’s hand, _‘I’ll do my best to remember. Oh…um…I think Mako wants one too.’_

“Of course he does,” sighed Hux, looking at the poetic knight, who had just finished singing Hathor’s praises, for the moment, and looked up at the General hopefully.

“T’would make my blood alight to receive a kind touch from those-” he began.

Hux raised a finger and cut him off, “You’re going to stop talking or I’m not going to kiss you.”

Mako stopped and looked over at Hathor, the dark-skinned knight looked back at him and mouthed, ‘tell me later.’ That seemed to be enough for Mako who remained quiet and smiled at Hux expectantly.

He had caught the other two knights off guard, so he had not really needed to look at them beforehand. However, Mako was fully prepared for what was coming, and looked at Hux softly, adoringly. It was an expression he was barely used to coming from Kylo. He was used to awe, respect, even reverence, but this was something else all-together. Not unpleasant, just different.

His mind thundered at him _, ‘You’re too close!’_

Hux ignored the thought and kissed Mako’s cheek just to spite it.

Mako beamed brightly, “May I expound upon the softness of your rose petal lips and-”

“I’d rather not…” said Hux, willing the flush from his face and looking away.

‘Later,’ Hathor mouthed to his partner. He turned his attention back to Hux, “So how do you show affection to friends on Arkanis?”

“Oh, that’s easy, you hit them and call them a bastard,” replied Hux plainly.

Mako stared at Hux in disbelief. Gaius let out a light sigh and patted Hux’s back. Hathor looked at him with slight disappointment and said, “Honey, no.”

“I don’t let just anyone slap me and call me names. If I allow it or reciprocate without causing serious injury that means I like someone,” explained Hux.

“There has to be something in the water on your planet…” muttered Hathor.

 _‘I think I understand what you’re saying…’_ explained Gaius, _‘I mean, we’re like brothers, so of course we wrestle and get kind of crazy when we play around. Do you mean it like that?’_

“Precisely,” said Hux, “It’s all in good fun.”

The refresher door opened and the four other knights came out surrounded by steam and the overpowering scents of whatever soaps and products they had been using. Hux swore every time he used Kylo’s wash area or the knight left his toiletries behind that he had stumbled into someone’s flower garden or spice rack by accident.

Hux had been a little worried that Kylo might be upset with him for kissing his knights and allowing himself to be kissed by them. He did not seem bothered at all though. On the contrary, he seemed more than content, almost proud. Hux tilted his head at that slightly. Perhaps Kylo considered this part of his ‘emotional and physical affection’ training. In which case, he had probably just jumped ahead by leaps and bounds.

“I’m glad you’re getting along so well,” said Kylo.

It was a bit silly for a grown man to be so thrilled by simple praise like that, but Hux found himself eagerly responding to it every time. Praise had rarely been afforded to him, and when it was usually followed by stinging remarks for anyone nearby to ‘be more like Hux.’ It was a phrase that had been the source of many of his problems at Arkanis Academy. Now that those days were long behind him, he was never praised. He was doing his job; why should that be worthy of praise? Kylo on the other hand praised him in simple, gentle ways, always in private, telling him how much progress he was making or that he had done something particularly well that day. It was novel, it felt amazing, and Hux found himself looking forward to it every time he hit a new milestone.

“So, kissing, huh?” asked Eleo, scratching the back of his head.

“So it would seem,” replied Hux.

“Huh…” replied the knight.

The four other knights remained standing, looking at Hux expectantly. The General sighed and got to his feet, “You’re all overgrown children…”

“You love us,” said Kylo.

Hux said nothing and rolled his eyes. An image suddenly popped into his mind. It was himself in an apron, like he had seen civilian women wearing on Arkanis. The knights were lined up as he gave them each a goodbye-kiss on the cheek, one by one, as he told them to have a good day, and remember to wash thoroughly after eviscerating their enemies. He nearly groaned. He felt like less of a Queen of Ren and more like a beleaguered Mammy of Ren.

“Alright, which of you is first?” asked Hux.

Eleo moved forward and Hux pointed at him, “You keep your hands where I can see them!”

“Fine…sheesh you’re so bossy,” said the knight, holding his hands up, relenting slightly.

Hux approached and gave him a kiss on the cheek, some light stubble scratching his lips slightly. Seigurd looked over at him, not exactly eager, but not with disinterest either. Hux cocked his brow. Was he going to approach or did he expect Hux to…?

The General sighed, “Would you like me to give you one as well?”

“If it is your desire to do so. I would prefer you give in to your dark urges rather than succumb to social pressures,” said Seigurd with a slight grumble, “Otherwise the gesture, while pleasant, would be an empty one.”

“That’s nice, but do you want one or not?” repeated Hux.

Seigurd sighed, “I am not averse, but only if it is your desire.”

At the moment Hux’s most pressing desire was for the preachy knight to give him a straight yes or no answer. Either way, he was not going to spend the rest of his day arguing with the knight. Hux knew how to pick his battles and could recognize a lost cause when he saw one. Seigurd clearly was not going to give him a straight answer. Hux probably could have gotten a straighter answer from his tin of boot polish.

He leaned down and kissed the blond knight on the cheek. Seigurd looked up at him and gave an approving nod, “Restrained, but you are making excellent progress, General.”

Hux shook his head and looked up at E’Chon, “Promise not to pick me up or toss me?”

“You have my word of honour!” replied the large knight boisterously.

Hux could not recall a single time since he hit his last growth spurt that he had needed to stand on the tips of his toes to reach anything. Yet, here he was, not only on his toes, but having to hold onto the larger man’s shoulders for proper leverage. Even at that, E’Chon Ren still needed to bend down slightly for Hux to reach his cheek and kiss it.

He felt a pair of large hands settle on his waist and looked up at E’Chon with surprise and confusion. The large knight let go and replied, “Forgive me General, I thought it the most natural place to put my hands!”

Hux stepped back and tried to clear his ear out with his smallest finger. One of these days, E’Chon was going to blow out one or both of his eardrums. Hux looked over at Kylo, “You too?”

“No,” he replied carelessly.

The answer surprised Hux, but if he had been feeling the kisses through his six knights, perhaps he was getting tired of it. Hux was surprised by how disappointed he felt by the answer. Kylo very rarely refused intimacy from him, and usually there was a very good reason for it. He had a long day and just wanted to sleep. His dual nature was aggravating him and he wanted to be left alone. He was not feeling well and touch would make it worse. All reasons Hux could understand and appreciate, and yet the disappointment lingered despite the logical part of his brain doing its best to justify everything.

Kylo grinned and pulled Hux against him, kissing him full on the mouth and bending him over backwards as if he were dipping him during a formal dance. He’d never done that before. Hux tried to remember if Kylo ever mentioned learning any sort of ballroom dance. He had not, but Hux recalled showing Hathor how to do it after they had fought off a nest of Rathtars. The knight had quickly relayed the information to Mako, so it was not implausible that Kylo learned how to do this through his connection with his knights. It seemed useful, but at the moment it was a bit hard to concentrate on that with Kylo’s lips locked against his.  

Kylo finally let him up for air and teased, “I think I prefer kissing you like that. I like getting you tongue tied.”

Hux would have answered but he was still reeling, and his position had caused a lot of blood to rush to his head. He stood up and looked around. Looking at all the knights, who in turn stared back at him. Hux began to colour as it suddenly hit him that a kiss with one of them was a kiss with all of them, and while he had told himself that he was perfectly alright with that, suddenly he felt self-conscious and embarrassed to have done it. Probably because it was the first time they had all been in the same room. He could pretend nobody was watching or feeling it when he was alone with Kylo, but now the reality of his situation was beginning to hit him. He was not upset or frightened or even angry. He was not sure what this was. All he knew was he would not classify it as good or comfortable. Awkward? Awkward. That might have been it.

“Right, well, salivating on each other’s faces and smashing our oral cavities together…” mumbled Hux, going to find his rucksack and hoping his pallor had returned to normal.

As he did he heard Eleo whisper in awe, “Huh, I think the General just pulled a Kylo…”

“We are _not_ calling it that!”


	5. Lost bets and Claustrophobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've been working on this for a while, long since before Hux's name was revealed, and I'd already given him a name in this fic. I'm going to stick with the one I made up (I hope people don't mind) though I might try to work in more canonical parts of his backstory. His name isn't revealed this chapter, but it will be fairly soon. Again, I hope nobody minds.

It had been ages since Hux had been inside a shuttle, and he’d never been in one with a pack of Rens. Thankfully the assault vessel was larger than most small transport vessels, but with eight bodies inside, it soon turned into the hot, sticky, uncomfortable atmosphere Hux was used to. Normally troopers and officers would never remove any part of their uniform during transport, even if it was a long journey, except during meal breaks. Hux was not sure why he expected the knights would be the same, but they were not. Almost immediately they had begun taking off their masks and stripping down, making themselves comfortable as Hux, still fully uniformed, back straight, posture perfect, stood in the middle of them.

“Don’t you want to lie down?” asked Kylo, who was lying on the floor.

“No, this is fine,” insisted Hux.

“You’re looking kind of sweaty and tired,” noted Eleo.

“I’m perfectly fine,” said Hux stubbornly.

 _‘Maybe you should sit down?’_ suggested Gaius, tapping Hux’s ankle.

“I will if we need to make evasive maneuvers, and barring that, I will when it’s my turn to fly,” said Hux, looking towards Mako and Hathor in the cockpit.

“Just so you know, Mako has to stay in the cockpit and the door needs to stay open,” warned Kylo, “He needs to be near a viewport and have a bit of room to move around.”

“Does he get flight-sick?” asked Hux, cocking his brow slightly. Getting sick during flights must have been awful, given the amount of time the knights seemed to be flying around on missions and spiritual journeys.

“No, he just feels better if he can see out a window,” explained Kylo.

 _Perhaps he’s a nervous flyer_ , Hux thought to himself, or perhaps the romantically-minded knight was happiest when he had a view of the stars and it helped keep the group harmony in balance.

“Okay, but could you maybe put on something more comfortable? I’m getting hot and sticky just looking at you,” said Kylo.

“That’s what she said…” muttered Eleo. Kylo kicked him lightly.

“Your discomfort is bothersome to yourself and everyone around you. You should do us all the kindness of allowing yourself some comfort,” pressed Seigurd.

“I would volunteer myself as pillow again!” declared E’Chon.

“No, that won’t be necessary,” said Hux with a slight sigh, “Well, if you’re going to keep badgering me, I suppose I’ll change into something more breathable.”

   ***

_‘Guys…?’_

_‘Yes, Master of Ren?’_

_‘He’s in the wash area…changing clothes…’_

_‘So?’_

_‘So…he’s getting naked…’_

_‘…I understand how that might fluster us, but don’t you live with him? Surely you’ve seen him in several states of undress.’_

_‘W-well…no, actually…he always changes clothes in private.’_

_‘Always?’_

_‘Y-yeah…’_

_‘Isn’t it inconvenient for him? It must be a lot of trouble to always have to go to another room to be alone when you get dressed.’_

_‘I think so, but he doesn’t complain.’_

_‘I believe I will require to research more deeply into vessels. Does he require time for adjustment, or are we supposed to seduce him to darkness and corrupt his modesty?’_

_‘…please don’t talk about corrupting my boyfriend’s modesty when he is probably naked behind a very, very breakable door.’_

_‘Hold on. I don’t think he’d have to change his underwear, so he’s probably not-’_

_‘He is completely naked. Do not ruin my mental image, Gaius.’_

_‘So you have not conquered him!?’_

_‘No, and I’m not going to ‘conquer’ him. I’m going to wait until he’s comfortable and then we’re going to come to a mutual agreement.’_

_‘How are you ever going to mutually agree over that one thing with the waterbed and the-’_

_‘We are going to come to a mutual agreement!’_

_‘That doesn’t sound very dark…’_

_‘Not all that is veiled in dark prove foul and perverse.’_

_‘Hey, are you holding up alright Mako?’_

_‘Indeed. T’is better to have many companions to staunch misery’s hold.’_

_‘You need anything love? I have the climate controls set as comfortable as they can go, but-’_

_‘You do more than your share, brother of my heart. All’s to do is to stay fast while the sun spins her course.’_

Kylo looked up when the door to the small wash area opened and Hux emerged wearing…well it was something Kylo had certainly never seen before. He had seen the inside of Hux’s closet, both of them coming to the conclusion that it was easier if Kylo left a few changes of clothing with Hux instead of always trying to sneak an overnight bag around the Finalizer, Kylo was now familiar with everything Hux kept in his closet. He could not recall ever seeing those sorts of clothes being worn by anyone before, or on any First Order officer for that matter. Usually he worked with Stormtroopers in the field and officers stayed on their ships.

The most jarring thing was Hux being in some sort of uniform without Jodhpurs. It looked a bit like his usual uniform, with a high collared tunic – no padding it seemed – and pants covered in pockets. The fabric looked a lot different as well. It still seemed like it was heavy, but as Hux had mentioned, it definitely looked more breathable. It was not pristine and smooth, it was baggy and seemed to be designed for functionality. It had the usual First Order patches on the sleeves, stripes to indicate rank, and a red stripe running down the sides of the pants.

_‘He’s still fully covered. You guys owe me and E’Chon five credits each.’_

_‘Bwahaha! I knew the soft-handed General would not show himself lightly!’_

_‘I thought for sure he’d bring something a bit cooler…’_

_‘It’s a shame he covers up so much, but I’m surprised you lost that bet, Master of Ren.’_

_‘He usually wears sweatpants and a tank top…I didn’t think Seigurd would bet on shorts though.’_

_‘…wishful thinking Master of Ren.’_

“I see you’re all doing it again,” Hux muttered to himself and went to sit in a mostly open spot off to the side.

_‘You think if he laid down he would let me rest on his ass?’_

_‘I doubt in truth it would be a vain request.’_

_‘He seems to be okay if you want to lie on his lap though.’_

_‘Helpful, but not the point.’_

Hux turned his attention to the schedule that had been drawn up for flying. Mako had already taken the first shift, Hathor had the second, Hux would take the third and Eleo had the fourth. Hux had readily volunteered himself to take a shift, which Kylo was grateful for. He hated flying. He could do it, he had been told he was quite good at it. If Darth Vader’s skill at piloting a TIE Fighter was any indication, it probably ran in his blood. However, it reminded him too much of two other people in his bloodline he would rather not think about. It always grated him whenever he heard someone say, ‘Good job, Ben, just like your father.’

Hux still did not know about his family, and now that he knew the General was so insecure about him being pulled to the light, now would be a terrible time to tell him. Hux knew his family had ties to the Resistance, that had been difficult enough for the General to process, but if he knew Kylo was the son of General Leia Organa herself…he could not imagine it going over well.

_‘…he has a right to know, though.’_

_‘I’m not disagreeing, I’m just not sure when a good time to tell him would be.’_

_‘Why didn’t you tell him right away Kylo?’_

_‘I…I got scared. I was afraid if he knew he might leave or try to use me for some sort of propaganda scheme. Or both…’_

_‘He is rather obsessed with his military pursuits, but he also agreed to be our vessel. He will surely take your feelings into account once he overcomes the initial shock.’_

_‘It’s the initial shock that’s worrying me…but speaking of shocking things, do you think you could tell him about Heian, Mako?’_

_‘Hm? Oh, verily sweet master, I shall attend him anon…’_

_‘If you aren’t up to it you shouldn’t push yourself. I could do it for you.’_

_‘Nay, t’would be a fair thing to put my thoughts to a worthy task.’_

“Sweetest General, hast thou knowledge of the distant world ‘pon which we make our venture?” Mako called from the cockpit.

“Heian has a trade agreement with the First Order supplying tea, grain and lacquer wares in exchange for basic weaponry and occasionally medical knowledge,” recited Hux. He shrugged lightly, “That’s all I know though, I’m afraid. The Heian Warlord prefers to keep the planet fairly closed off. Few members of the First Order are allowed the privilege of going on diplomatic missions, and even at that they’re kept sectioned off and only deal with Heian diplomats.”

“Your words all ring with truth, sweet General. And you shall be the sole member of the First Order to gaze upon all Heian has to offer,” assured Mako.

Hux furrowed his brow at that, “But I’m not allowed. As part of the agreement First Order members must attend their business and leave as soon as possible with no dalliances.”

“You will be treated not as an outlandish stranger but as dearest kin. My request has not fallen upon deaf ears or been cruelly cast aside,” assured Mako, he turned and Kylo could tell he was struggling a bit to keep his grin. Mako hated enclosed spaces, but talking with Hux was helping. Especially since he finally had the opportunity to dramatically reveal,

“For I am the Heian Warlord’s youngest brother.”

   ***  

It had taken Hux a few minutes to recover from what he had heard. Hathor was an ex-Sun Priest and Mako was the next best thing to Heian royalty. In fact, being related to the Warlord was probably better than being royalty. From what Hux understood Heian had an Emperor, but he was just a figurehead. All real political power lay with the Warlord, a position that seemed to be hereditary unless one family wrested power from another. If two of the knights had such lofty backgrounds, what on earth had the rest of them been before joining the Order of Ren?

He had moved up to the pilot’s seat to take over from Hathor, who insisted he did not mind flying the Assault Vessel a little longer. Hux was not the best at interpreting emotions, but Hathor was clearly reluctant to leave the cockpit. He stood, lingering in the doorway just outside, his eyes flicking to Mako. Whatever the former Heian noble’s qualms with flying were, they were obviously severe enough to put his partner on edge. Normally they were all over each other, but Hathor was keeping some distance between them, with great difficulty if Hux was reading the look on his face correctly.

“T’will give me great delight to finally allow my dearest brothers to gaze upon my home world through eyes of their own,” said Mako with a shaky laugh.

Hux furrowed his brow, “Mako, are you alright?”

The knight kept his eyes fixed on the vastness of space stretched before him, “To be fixed within so small a space gives me pause, as does being crowded within them.”

“You’re claustrophobic?” asked Hux incredulously. It was probably the worst phobia to have combined with space travel. Nearly every space was small and contained.

“Ay, I’ve heard it called by that name afore,” said Mako, “Though allowing my mind some light and pleasant task relieves the worst of this vexing fear.”

“I see…” said Hux, “But you hardly seem bothered being in a small refresher with six other people. Is it different now somehow?”

“Great indeed are the differs that fall,” said Mako with an uneasy laugh, “Chiefly escaping the area for cleansing would be a task to be done with ease. Relief can be found but a short walk away in a greater hall should I require it. In this fragile vessel though, there is no such assurance…I am loathe to speak of the fear it gives me to enter such spaces.”

“I think I understand,” said Hux, slowly processing Mako’s flowery language, “So…could you tell me about Heian? What should I expect?”

“We keep much to ourselves and more from strangers,” explained Mako, “We are a closed and hard people towards outlandish ones. You will be treated with every dignity and polity, but before you are Hux or General or vessel, to my kin you shall be thought of as the foreigner.”

Hux had heard about missions to Heian before. The members of the First Order who had been selected for the trade meetings and negotiations were kept in a building where only diplomats and servants could enter. Living there was more or less like being placed under house arrest. They made one formal visit to the Emperor, which the Warlord might or might not attend, and the Emperor was kept hidden behind a curtain while an interpreter asked whatever questions he might have had for him. It all seemed cold and clinical, but Hux could live with that. It was all the warm rambunctiousness that the knights seemed to be full of that unnerved him.

“Also, I shall interpret for you. Your technology will prove itself little use, for within my former house, all that is said is conveyed through the sweetest lyrics the mind can conjure,” continued Mako.

The thought was nearly enough to make Hux shudder. A whole planet of Makos. Thankfully they did not all sound like they would be quite so flirtatious. Still, he could see where translating technologies might fall short. Even if he did have the best Protocol Droid available to translate the language, he would still need to decipher the poetry, which Hux figured did not lend itself well to translation in the first place.

“We wear not shoes that have tread upon the ground within our homes, and we refrain from touch save with dearest friend or kin. Should you wish to make greeting or acknowledgement, a simple bow at the waist suffices,” advised Mako.

Hux was not sure how he felt about bowing, but he was not going to jeopardize already precarious diplomatic relations on account of his ego. He made a note to avoid trying to shake someone’s hand in case he offended them.

“It should also be made known, fair General, that the features that do us most delight, thy fiery tresses, the ocean orbs of thine eyes and wintry frost of thy skin are things almost unknown to us. They will attract attention, though most will not give voice to it, but some, in their curiosity and surprise may do more than comment,” warned Mako, “Some may endeavor to touch thy cheek or tug a claret lock of thy hair. I must entreat thee to bear this with patience.”

“Can’t be any worse than nearly being hauled off the bridge,” noted Hux.

“I have since repented!” E’Chon called with a slightly exasperated lilt to his usual shouting.

Hux glanced past Hathor to see the big knight sulk and Gaius pat his shoulder, no doubt giving him telepathic reassurances.

“My kinsmen also…disapprove of foreign arms,” said Mako cautiously, “They will take dark umbrage to all who bear them.”

Hux arched his brow, “But you use a blaster.”

“Verily I do indeed,” said Mako, “A blade is considered the truest weapon for a warrior, the symbol of his martial spirit. To slay thy enemies from far distance without use of bodily fortitude is a heinous thing in their eyes. I was trained in the art of the sword, and in truth I still do for the peace it brings a weary mind, however to have my enemy bear upon me with my armour already constricting in its needed protection…”

“It makes you claustrophobic,” finished Hux.

“A Warlord’s son who fears his own armour, t’is a curious notion that,” replied Mako, “By keeping my foe at a greater distance I stay my fear, but that does little to preserve familial honour.”

“Is that why you left?” asked Hux.

Mako shook his head, “I ventured for lands unknown for the sake of the Force that moved through me and the call for worlds beyond my own. Though I lived a shameful existence, live I did and in comfort as well. Greater was my curiosity for sensations beyond those of fair Heian than any desire to discard the disgrace of an unfavorable choice of arms.”

He glanced behind him where Hathor stood in the doorway, “And my curiosity was sated by the lips of the gods themselves.”

“Get a room!” Eleo called from the back of the shuttle.

“We’re in a shuttle you wretched grease-monkey, there is no room to get,” Hathor called back at him, annoyed.

“The people of Heian disdain what is not their own. While it safeguards our ways and culture while others erode with exposure to greater powers, it keeps the beauties of the galaxy far beyond our reach,” said Mako. He looked at Hux seriously, “I mock you not when I speak of your beauty, General. T’is not my intent to jest and tease. Had I lingered among my kin, never would I have seen such things as fiery hair and ocean coloured eyes. Never would I have known the contrast of ivory skin and ebon warlike tunic. I take that beauty not for granted and mean each and every word that breaches my teeth’s barrier.”

Hux turned bright red and glanced over at Hathor, “Are you absolutely sure you’re alright with him saying those sorts of things to me?”

“Of course, as long as I get to enjoy the show,” replied the knight lightly. He ran a hand through Hux’s hair affectionately, “Really, you have such delicate sensibilities.”

_‘I can’t touch him right now. Can I use you as a proxy?’_

Hux was surprised to hear Hathor’s voice the way he normally heard Gaius. He looked up at the knight and fixed his thoughts. It was difficult, but with Kylo’s instruction he was learning to manage it.

_‘Is Kylo alright with it?’_

Hathor smiled slightly, _‘It doesn’t bother him. Normally we would ask Gaius because he’s smallest, but I don’t want to crowd the cockpit. Also, he can watch without needing to tune out the sensation if it’s too much for him.”_

_‘What if he wants the sensation?’_

_‘Then I’ll go manhandle Gaius.’_

Hux nodded and felt Hathor bend down, wrapping his arms across his shoulders. He looked over at his partner with a look Hux guessed must be reassuring judging from the way Mako settled back slightly and watched them. He lifted his arms to touch his shoulders, around the same spot where Hathor was holding Hux, “Not in all the galaxies have I ever seen brighter sun or moon as I do before me here.”

“Hm…go on,” said Hathor, his grin audible in his tone.

Hux blushed and kept his hands on the controls as Hathor squeezed his shoulders tightly.

_‘Thank you.’_


	6. Hide your General, Hide your wife...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having lived in Japan for three years, I sort of have to make a disclaimer saying that Japan is much more multicultural than people think. I live in the foreign quarter of a city currently and there are all sorts of people living here. From time to time there are people who are a bit racist, but most people are nice and extremely welcoming. 
> 
> However, when I do something a bit off or silly, it's not uncommon to hear someone laugh to themselves, shake their heads and mutter, "Gaijin..."

By the time the shuttle landed everyone was properly dressed, Mako looked ready to tear the door off the shuttle and Hathor looked ready to help. Hux was not sensitive to the Force, but somehow, as soon as the gangplank was deployed and Mako left the shuttle behind him, something in the air felt a little lighter, though that could have just been the sudden rush of fresh, non-recycled air.

Hux followed the knights, looking out over the landing pad as he descended the gangplank. The guards were dressed in armour that was nothing like anything he had seen. It was made with lacquer in some places, and what looked like tightly woven, coloured reeds. Their faces were covered as well with masks that were reminiscent of monsters. In a strange way he was reminded vaguely of the knights in the way their helmets were shaped. Almost instantly he saw what Mako had been talking about. The heads of all the guards turned and stared at him. Even when they approached Kylo, they seemed to glance to the side to catch a glimpse of him.

The man who must have been the head of the guards approached Kylo who, to Hux’s surprise, bowed at the waist and addressed the man in what sounded like perfect Heian. When Hux gave it some thought it should not really have been that surprising. Either Mako had been supplying his master with the information he needed to make a proper greeting, or Kylo had sifted through his knight’s memories in order to figure out what he had to do.

The head guard bowed in turn and greeted Kylo. Hux could not understand a word of it, but he heard Kylo mention Mako by name once or twice. He also heard the words ‘First Order’ and his own name at one point and was instantly unnerved. They were talking about him, but Hux had no idea what exactly it was they were saying. Judging from the context it was probably something about the agreement between the First Order and Heian. Technically he was visiting as the – Hux grimaced as he thought about it – Queen of Ren, not a General of the First Order, which seemed to be the only reason he was not being instantly quarantined. It seemed Force-Users, despite being foreign, were granted the special privilege of accessing Heian without being penned in and watched.

Eventually Mako stepped forward and began speaking. His speech seemed to be much quicker than Kylo’s. He did manage to catch the guards saying something over and over again when addressing Mako. “Shinichiro Sama.” Whatever that meant.

They finally seemed to move. Hux followed, keeping close to the knights and wishing he had some way of understanding what was going on. It must not have been good though, with the way Mako cringed slightly when he heard it.

Gaius slipped a hand in his, _‘We’re going to the castle now.’_

“Of course it’s a castle…” muttered Hux, “What does ‘Shinichiro Sama’ mean?”

 _‘No, it’s Shinichiro-sama. Lord Shinichiro. That was Mako’s name before he became a knight,’_ Gaius voice explained in Hux’s mind _, ‘Before we became knights we had other names. When we joined the order we left our former selves, including our names behind. We’re not supposed to use them, the people we used to be are considered dead to us, but Mako’s family won’t use his new name.’_

“Why not?” whispered Hux, looking at the coloured armour of the guards curiously, wondering how it was fastened and where the weak points were.

 _‘They don’t acknowledge his choice to become a Knight of Ren…they’re…um…Mako says they’re waiting for him to be responsible, stop playing with blasters and come home,’_ explained Gaius. He tapped the back of Hux’s hand with his forefinger as he added, _‘Which is kind of unfair if you ask me.’_

“Are all of the knights from such high ranking castes?” asked Hux.

 _‘That’s not really my place to tell you. If they want to tell you, they’ll let you know,_ ’ said Gaius, _‘In the meantime, we have to be quiet. It’s probably best if you try focusing your surface thoughts for me to read. I promise not to pry, and you’ve gotten pretty good at that.’_

Hux tried not to let the praise make him too giddy. For goodness sakes he was a grown man. He was not supposed to feel giddy at all.

Everyone was being awfully quiet though. He was not entirely used to it. Normally when he arrived somewhere new he would be given a briefing, and then most of his work would involve a lot of talking. He had not gotten off a ship and ordered to move about silently for a very long time. There was more than enough to distract him though. Everything on this planet was new to him. The architecture with sloping then upturned roofs, the plants, and the mountainous terrain was all new. There were new sounds, wind blowing, distant birds, and leaves on nearby trees rustling. Thank goodness the climate was comfortable, otherwise his senses might have become completely overloaded.

They stepped into some sort of open-top transport and one of the guards approached Hux. He spoke quickly in Heian language and thrust a wide brimmed hat with an opaque screen hanging from it. Hux examined it and understood, they wanted him to cover his hair and face. He looked down at it disdainfully before complying. He did not want to be the one responsible for mucking up First Order relations with Heian. Fitting it over his head, he found the screen was semi-transparent. He could see through it well enough that he would not bump into anything, and he could still make out shapes and objects, but he did not want to have to track and shoot something from a long distance with the screen over his eyes. He also guessed nobody would be able to see his face and become alarmed at the sight of someone who was clearly foreign in their midst.

 _‘Mako and Kylo say they’re sorry. If we’d known before we’d have had a mask made for you,’_ said Gaius, squeezing Hux’s fingers as they boarded the transport.

 _‘Is that allowed?’_ Hux asked. It was not so hard to focus when he had questions. Questions and curiosity had always come naturally to him.

 _‘Hm…Seigurd is telling me no. You’re not a knight, so you shouldn’t wear one like ours. But there’s no rule that says we couldn’t have a mask specially made for you. You’re the first Qu- vessel to fight with the Knights of Ren, so you ought to have something, we’re just not sure what yet. We’d have to design it ourselves from scratch…’_ explained Gaius.

Hux tried to imagine himself in a mask like one of the Rens. He did not expect that he would like it. They seemed like they would cut off his field of vision and be more of a hindrance than a help. He supposed with the Force and their connection the knights would not be terribly bothered by a limited field of vision, but Hux relied heavily on his eyesight in a skirmish. He would not want to obstruct it at all.

That and he would look absolutely ridiculous…

   ***  

_‘I-is he okay Gaius? He doesn’t seem scared but…’_

_‘He’s fine. He’s been trying to study the plants we pass by and taking in the scenery. He’s a bit annoyed, but mostly curious.’_

_‘Curiosity becomes him. More so than that arrogance he usually projects.’_

_‘Why’s he got to wear that thing on his head, exactly?’_

_‘For Heian the sight of an outlander would prove most vexing. In ages past they came anon and, t’is believed, would have sullied our culture and overtaken our lands. To see one come with knights and arms, clad in martial black would awaken festering fear in Heian hearts.’_

_‘Can’t say I can disagree with trying to prevent an invasion…’_

_‘Nor can I, smallest brother.’_

_‘Still, it’s weird…’_

_‘He’s going to have awful hat-hair when it comes off.’_

_‘I just feel sort of bad for not being able to talk them out of making him wear that thing.’_

_‘T’is for his own comfort as well good master. Should he walk about unveiled for all, t’would verily signal wandering eyes to his graceful form. I doubt in truth such homage, though innocent in its ignorance, would bring a smile to his downy lips.”_

_‘Like I said, he’s okay, just maybe a bit annoyed with it. I don’t think he likes having his eyes covered.’_

_‘Then when all is done I shall do battle with the shroud-hat that causes him annoyance!’_

_‘…you’re going to beat up a hat?’_

_‘An **insulting** hat!’ _

_‘…you do that E’Chon.’_

_‘Seig? What are you…?’_

Kylo watched Seigurd, who sat on Hux’s other side, press himself closer to his shoulder before resting his head against Hux.

_‘I am reassuring him as I reassure my brothers.’_

Kylo could not see Hux’s face, but he could feel his surprise and slight discomfort at the action. He made no move to push Seigurd off of him, but it was fairly clear that he resented not being asked permission to be used as a pillow.

_‘You can’t just touch him without asking.’_

_‘Ah, yes, forgive me Master of Ren. May I rest my head the vessel’s-’_

_‘I meant ask HIM Seig…’_

_‘I must do the bidding of the darkness…’_

_‘Look, we know you grew up in that weird, repressive, commune place, but most people think it’s really rude to touch them without asking.’_

_‘Gaius doesn’t ask.’_

_‘I’m physically incapable of talking.’_

_‘Seriously Seig, just ask him.’_

_‘You touch his backside without asking.’_

_‘That’s different, when I do it it’s cute and funny, when you do it it’s weird and creepy.’_

_‘I fail to see the difference.’_

_‘I’m going to ask for you before this gets weird… …okay, he said yes, but he wants you to ask first.’_

_‘If he’s just going to say yes, what is the point in asking!? Never before have I encountered such a haughty, vexing creature!’_

_‘Bwahaha! I feel you turning red, brother!’_

_‘His vexing nature doth make his docile moments all the more precious.’_

_‘Keep in mind this is new to him Seig, and he has that hang-up over monogamy to deal with. Not to mention how vanilla he is.’_

_‘It will make his conquest all the sweeter when he accepts!’_

_‘Can we not talk about conquering my boyfriend?’_

_‘He does raise a good question. It’s been months. Why haven’t you asked him yet?’_

_‘Well, there’s that weird thing he does, for one thing. And…’_

_‘…and you’re afraid of asking him…’_

_‘I’m terrified of asking him!’_

_‘If you begin conquering him he will either make his displeasure known or accept the advance!’_

_‘I’m starting to think you have no idea how romance works E’Chon. Really, how can you be connected to Mako and I and have no idea how to sweep someone off their feet?’_

_‘E’Chon is merely giving in to his desires, as should all of us.’_

_‘Uh, not without permission you weird old geezer.’_

_‘…what did you call me Eleo Ren?’_

_‘Weird. Old. Geezer.’_

_‘Truly your insolence knows no bounds…it’s no small wonder you and the vessel are so amicable with each other.’_

_‘Oh, methinks I’m no longer perplexed by dear Seigurd’s shortness.’_

_‘Oh my…you’re head over heels for our darling General, aren’t you?’_

_‘Great is my desire for him…but he seems to have his preferences. His favorites…’_

_‘He obviously doesn’t hate you, but maybe he doesn’t want to be preached at. I know I don’t.’_

_‘That is because like him, you are insolent and need guidance in the ways of the dark side of the Force!’_

_‘…you really don’t know how this whole ‘being social’ thing works, do you?’_

The transport came to a stop and Kylo let Gaius help Hux down. He was not sure how much of Hux’s vision was obstructed by the dark veil, but he did not like the idea of Hux trying to move around half blinded. Besides, he was expected as the Master of the Knights of Ren to lead them, along with Mako, who was probably the only reason they were allowed to set foot on Heian, let alone be invited to stay at the palace of the Warlord.

According to his own reading, as well as Seigurd and Mako’s childhood observations, Heian’s spiritual beliefs seemed to go hand in hand with the Force, with ideals centering around harmony and balance. Hux may or may not have noticed, but everything in Heian was designed to be aesthetically balanced and to harmonize with nature. On one hand, it was natural, like the dark side. Heian seemed to live and embrace the natural world in all its turbulence. On the other hand, all of the cities were built on a sort of grid structure. Everything had its place and was clearly organized. However, they were built in the places that gave the best energy.

Kylo felt more at ease here. There was light and dark, but they did not pull at each other. They blended, they worked together. There were plants and gardens everywhere, but they were all maintained precisely and in an orderly way. There was art and beauty everywhere to stimulate the senses, but it was all balanced and calculated. It was strange to see something that took both elements and harmonized them, but it was a very welcome sight.

“The Warlord would speak privately with Lord Kylo Ren and Lord Shinichiro,” said the head guard, “He will grant an audience with the other warriors and the foreigner once he has spoken with his brother.”

“Of course,” replied Kylo, searching Mako’s memory for the correct reply, “However, there is no Shinichiro, only Mako Ren.”

“If you do not wish to insult our Warlord, I suggest you locate Lord Shinichiro. He is already displeased enough with your foreigner,” said the guard, nodding in Hux’s direction and leering at him slightly, “You know our laws concerning outsiders.”

“And we thank you for making an exception,” said Kylo. He was beginning to get angry, but felt relief when Mako sent him calming thoughts, and pleaded with him to hold his temper in check. He continued, “Your people must hold a high regard for the will of the Force to bend your laws for us.”

“The foreigner is not to leave palace grounds except for his task. He is not to speak to the Warlord or gaze upon him. He is not to speak to any women or look upon them either. He may ask his questions and will be given any explanation he desires, but he is not to make any attempt to sway any citizen of Heian to his way of thinking. Is this understood Lord Kylo Ren?” asked the head guard.

Despite the calming, soothing thoughts his brothers were sending, Kylo could not help replying, “That seems fair. Having a strange man look upon your wife would be unsettling, wouldn’t it?” He leaned down, his mask pressed close to the head guard’s as he whispered, “’The foreigner’ as you call him, is _my_ wife. You are not to look upon him and will show him every courtesy.”

_‘D-don’t any of you dare tell Hux I called him my wife!’_

_‘Oh my god…’_

_‘Master of Ren, in your position I would have done the same, but I’m trying not to make a poor impression on the people who might become my in-laws.’_

_‘M-might, dearest brother of my heart? You desire for us to wed?’_

_‘Perhaps someday, once the Galaxy has settled down a bit.’_

_‘Sweetest star in the night sky, my dearest treasure, lifeblood of my heart, I would make war with a thousand Galaxies for the sake of thy love!’_

_‘Somebody, I don’t care which of you, just kill me now before they get even mushier…’_

The Force around the guard became tainted with fear and shame. His eyes, on the other hand, visible above the mask that covered his mouth, remained stoic, the way Hux’s usually did when he was using his poker face. If Mako’s memory served, this was a fairly common thing for the people of Heian to do, especially among the upper ranks and their servants.

“Forgive me, Lord Kylo Ren, we were unaware that he was your…wife. Our rules must still be observed, but the servants will be instructed not to look upon him or speak to him if you so desire it,” said the guard.

“They may speak to him to ask if he requires anything or if he addresses them first,” said Kylo, “Otherwise, you will see to it that his needs are met. If anything you do upsets him…” Kylo trailed off and let his fingers trail absentmindedly along the hilt of his lightsaber, “I trust I will know who to hold responsible.”

_‘…Hux is going to kill me if he finds out about this conversation so nobody say anything…’_

_‘No, Lord Ren, give in to your anger! Strike him dead for his slight against the vessel!’_

_‘I don’t think that will impress Mako’s brother.’_

_‘Hm…our brother’s brother is a Warlord! That must make him a worthy adversary indeed! I would very much like to-’_

_‘E’Chon, no!’_

_‘But if he is a worthy-’_

**_‘No, E’Chon!’_ **

_‘…I never get to fight worthy opponents…’_

   ***  

Kylo and Mako went on ahead, leaving Hux with five other knights. They were escorted into an entranceway with shoes lined up near the entrance with slippers of some sort already laid out for them. As soon as he was inside, Hux took off the veiled hat and placed it on what looked like a shelf. Hopefully that would be alright. The building itself seemed to be made of wood, with what looked like paper for walls. It was all very plain and very clean, which explained why they must have been so hung up on shoes being changed when entering a home. It probably helped a great deal in keeping things clean.

The knights began to pull off their boots, loosening buckles and Hux dug through his kit bag. Not finding what he was searching for, he set it down and began rifling through it. He knew he had packed it…he had used it to take off his boots before on the…

 _‘Is something wrong?’_ asked Gaius, putting a hand on Hux’s back.

“I forgot my bootjack on the shuttle…” muttered Hux.

 _‘Boot-jack?’_ asked Gaius.

Hux brought the image of it to his mind, “You know, this. I use it to take my boots off.”

_‘Can you get them off without it?’_

“Yes, but it’s…difficult, and I would need help…” said Hux, slightly embarrassed. He had never forgotten anything before and as if that was not bad enough, it meant he would need assistance in taking his shoes off. Like a child.

 _‘It’s okay. How can I help?’_ asked Gaius.

Hux groaned, “I…need to lie on my back, then one of you would have to straddle my waist looking towards my feet. I’d need to hold my leg up, then one of you would pull up on the boot to get it off.”

_‘…are you serious?’_

“Unfortunately Gaius I am very serious,” said Hux irately.

_‘Well…uh…I don’t think I’m heavy enough to keep you down or tall enough to get the right leverage…E’Chon is too big though, he might squish you…hold on, let me see if I can sort this out…’_

Hux stood awkwardly in the entranceway as Gaius approached his fellow knights. There was a moment of silence before it was broken by Eleo snickering, before he crescendoed into a full on laughing fit. Hathor glared at him and tapped him lightly with his foot, “It’s not funny, gear-head!”

“You’re right priss, it’s a god damned riot!” laughed Eleo. He looked over at Hux, “Seriously!? That’s the only way you can get your boots off?”

“There isn’t a zipper or buckles or laces, so yes,” muttered Hux.

“Okay, okay, I think I’ve got it worked out,” said Eleo, containing his laughter slightly, “E’Chon’s going to have to get on top of you to keep you on the ground. Seig will get one boot off and Hathor will grab the other.”

Hux could feel himself turning red as he laid down on his back and whispered under his breath, “This is absolutely humiliating…”

“Fear not General! I shall help to free you from the jackless boots!”

The large knight sat on top of Hux as Seigurd and Hathor approached. Hathor sighed, “Don’t worry dear, we’ll make this as quick and painless for you as we can…”

“Your uniform seems most constricting, General, perhaps you might consider making more practical modifications in the future,” suggested Seigurd.

“It’s fine so long as there’s a jack to get them off,” protested Hux as they took hold of his legs.

   ***  

_‘So…they’re helping him. What do we do, Eleo?’_

Sitting on the threshold of the entrance, Eleo wrapped an arm firmly around Gaius. Hathor had one leg, Seigurd had another and E’Chon was holding the General down. Gaius watched the whole thing with concern and consternation.

“We, Gaius, are going to watch,” said Eleo in a low voice.

_‘Watch?’_

Hearing the mischievous tone in his brother’s voice, Gaius turned. He could feel a broad smile spreading over Eleo’s lips. He focused on his brother’s eyes and point of view, which were trained on the General’s…

 _‘Eleo! That’s mean…’_ protested Gaius.

“No, look at it little brother, it’s glorious. We have ourselves a prime view of the General’s perky ass and until they get those boots of his off, nobody can stop us from looking all we want,” said the other knight devilishly.

“Eleo when I get this boot off I am flinging it straight at your head!” snapped Hathor, “Stop corrupting Gaius with your ass fetish!”  

“Yes, what astounding hatred!” Seigurd half growled and half purred, “Give in to it! Let it flow through you!”

“I can’t believe this…” said Hux, covering his face.

“Pull harder brothers! I will not be defeated by boots!” bellowed E’Chon.

   ***  

Yamada Taro, a low ranking servant to the Warlord, wondered what was taking the knights and the foreigner so long. They were supposedly just taking off their shoes. How could anyone take so long to take off their shoes? Hearing some shouting, he pulled back the door carefully to see what exactly was holding them up.

The foreigner was on the ground. He had a shocking, outlandish hair-colour and frighteningly pale eyes and skin. The big knight was sitting on him. Two of the knights were holding his legs. One of the knights was laughing and watching while holding the small knight, who hung his head and palmed his forehead. Aside from the small knight and the foreigner, everyone was shouting.

“Gaijin…” muttered Yamada exasperatedly, shutting the screen door with a sigh.


	7. Cruel by the Dropkick Murphys plays in the Distance...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought the last chapter was Austin-esk...we now have family feuding and class/racial tensions! By the way. The original 7:1 is at 1100 kudos...that's more than twice the population of my hometown, and I can't imagine many people there giving me kudos, so a big, massive thank you to everyone! 
> 
> Also...WE HAVE FANART THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!! Go check out smalhyena's drawing of precious baby Gaius' face and give it lots of love! smalhyena.tumblr.com/post/147616260359/I-think-youre-going-to-be-my-favorite

Kylo, not for a lack of wanting to, did not turn as his knights and Hux entered the audience chamber. It was a plain room by the standards of most royals and leaders he had known. There was no furniture to speak of, just cushions. The floor was made of thin, tightly woven strips of flexible wood, and the walls, rather than being papery, were covered in gold leaf and elaborate paintings of predatory animals. The Warlord, Amakawa Hirotomo sat before them, fully armoured, save his helmet, as if he expected to do battle at any moment. Observing the two swords at his side – a katana and wakizashi, Mako supplied – Kylo noted that if they did fight with the Warlord, he likely would not stand much of a chance. His weapons were outclassed and he had no command over the Force.

_‘And yet, mock not for he knows his own domain.’_

_‘We could take him.’_

_‘I understand. I mean, we could probably beat the General in a fight, but taking him on would mean fighting everyone on his ship…not that I’d want to fight him at this point.’_

_‘His roundhouse is indeed mighty despite his smallness!’_

_‘And he’s cuter than Mako’s brother…no offense Mako.’_

Warlord Hirotomo spoke, “The river runs ever on, but all waters eventually return to their source.”

Kylo could decipher the meaning, but heard it clearly in the man’s thoughts, _‘You run away to have your fun and here you come crawling back…’_

He looked over them, pausing briefly as he came to each one. He lingered on Hux in a way that made Kylo want to gouge his eyes out, “It falls from the sky to rain on distant fields and in spite of it all, the waters must return.”

“I do not thrust men to the wall so lightly,” replied Mako, “We pay homage and will attend our task as is the will of the worlds.”

The Warlord’s brow shot up at that. He had maintained a perfect, stoic calm before he Mako had spoken. In their private audience he had spoken to Kylo, and then sat in silence, considering them. He furrowed his brow and rounded on his brother. His voice quavered, his mind now too unfocused for flowery speech as he spoke in a low voice, “You speak like one of _them_.”

“The will of the worlds, the binding Force bade me leave these halls to see and hear the beauty of the universe,” said Mako, “T’would be folly to think one would not change. Shinichiro is no more, before you is Mako Ren, Knight to my goodly Master.”

“And the moths are drawn to the eternal flame of challenge once more,” said Hirotomo lowly, “Our place is to grant repose as your place is in one beyond realms. As it has been and so it shall be.”

“And for that we are grateful,” said Kylo, hoping to interrupt the family feud before it escalated. He felt for Hux’s feelings. He was alright, just very confused and flustered by the experience. He had no idea what was being said and he found it uncomfortable.

_‘He’s okay, we’ll take care of him, you focus.’_

_‘He’s not the one I’m most worried about. Hathor, don’t move.’_

_‘He’s insulting us Master of Ren...you know what he implied about the General.’_

_‘He’s wrong. We know he’s wrong. Concentrate on his foolish error.’_

_‘We need not his permission to complete our task.’_

_‘My warrior’s blood runs hot for battle!’_

_‘Woah, guys, cool it. We can’t go to the temple and get off the planet in one piece if we start a war.’_

_‘And you’ll probably make the General really mad…’_

_‘Yeah, there’s that too.’_

Kylo continued, “It is an honour to have Mako Ren in our ranks. The Force is strong with your family. It has supplied many worthy knights of Ren in the past.”

“And all eventually returns to the earth which gave it life,” said Hirotomo, “The past is twined with fate and neither will be denied.”

Though from what Kylo understood, what he meant to say was, _‘We never expected him to leave. We want him back.’_

Typical.

“T’was fate that drew me to the stars,” said Mako.

“Then the stars call you to burn,” said Hirotomo quickly, bordering on forceful, “Tranquility is found within the truth of your blood. Beyond it is fire and death.”

_‘I think we should try to bring this meeting to an end…this is looking like it’s going to get ugly…’_

_‘Mako, back off. We’ll sort through this later.’_

_‘And were it your kinsman, would you accept their harsh words and ignorance?’_

_‘…’_

“Verily our paths doth diverge and acceptance might ease that parting,” insisted Mako, “I was never the warrior, nor the monk as was desired or preordained. There is great power beyond your borders brother, and should you let it in-”

“It would overtake us,” Hirotomo turned his face towards Hux, “ _He_ would overtake us. I am not ignorant of the First Order’s plans for conquest. You would betray us all for want of outlandish flesh.”

_‘Master of Ren it would be my honour to-’_

_‘Hathor, I feel it too but I can’t let you do that.’_

He turned back to Mako, “If it is the delights of walled gardens and secrets you desire you may have them. Renounce this and return to us.”

“The Force calls me thusly…mountains would be swayed with more ease by your command,” said Mako.

“And your blood bids you stop being a fool, lay down the coward’s weapon at your side. You could be proud among us once more. Leave this wayward lot and bind yourself to a lady of standing.”

_‘He did not just say that…’_

_‘We’re going to send you calming thoughts. Just try to bear with it a little longer.’_

“Continue your bloodline.”

_‘He’s pissing me off…’_

_‘He’s pissing all of us off, but you can’t attack him.’_

“Be part of a real family.”  

_‘That! Is! **IT!** ’ _

_‘Hathor no! Stop him!’_

Hathor jerked and convulsed with tiny shocks as his brothers tried to hold him back. There was a snap as his gloves were ripped from his hands and slapped against the mats. He rose, despite the mild shocks that were being sent through his body. It was clear that Hathor was not going to be held back as he pressed a palm to his blade and surged forward.

_‘Are we fighting the Warlord!?’_

_‘E’Chon, no! Stay down! Seig, help me hold him back, would ya?’_

_‘It seems an unfortunate necessity given the circumstance…’_

_‘I’m sorry everyone, this is going to hurt!’_

Kylo stretched out a hand and Hathor froze.

_‘I don’t say this often Hathor, but you need to calm down.’_

_‘Unfortunately making war with this man will keep us from our task. I agree with the Master of Ren, Hathor.’_

_‘For the sake of our mission this is one opponent we must not challenge! I too shall hold my blade in check!’_

_‘Let me go!’_

_‘Dearest of my heart do not make an enemy of him for my sake…’_

_‘I am not going to sit here and let him insult my-!’_

_‘Hathor, sit down or I am going to make you sit down.’_

_‘I’ll kill him! I’ll kill-’_

Kylo pulled his hand back and Hathor flew back to where he had been sitting. He thrust down hard and Hathor sank to his knees.

_‘Apologize.’_

_‘What!? No! You heard what he-’_

_‘Hathor the temple is on his planet, the grounds are guarded by his army, if we start a war, we are not getting out of here unscathed and we probably won’t get to the temple for a long time. Apologize.’_

_‘I will not!’_

_‘…Hathor I’m really, really sorry.’_

With another wave of his hand Hathors body bent at the waist and his bare hands flew to the floor to catch himself. Kylo could feel every ounce of pressure he put on his brother, could feel his body struggling and felt every wave and burst of outrage, anger, betrayal and frustration. He tried to send calming thoughts, the sounds of insects of cool summer nights, looking out over water, but none of it seemed to help. The quiet of the room was filled with Hathor’s grunts and heavy breathing as he struggled against the Force pulling him down and forcing him to bow.

“Forgive my knight’s temper. He will not raise his sword to you again,” said Kylo.

Hirotomo looked over at Hathor, particularly his bare hands as they clawed at the mats. He sighed through his nose, “So this is the valley you chose to take your repose in. At least you had the sense to choose a warrior.”

“This is Hathor Ren…” said Mako, quietly, frankly, “He is my brother in arms, dearest of my heart and companion of my soul. Master of Ren for pity’s sake let him up.”

_‘Beloved, stay your anger for my sake. Let me send my love and accept the sweetness of its relief.’_

_‘You heard what he said! A real family!? I’ve never heard such Nerf shit in my life!’_

_‘Hathor, you’re scaring the General. He isn’t connected and hasn’t heard a word of what’s going on. If you keep making Kylo hold you down, you’re just going to scare him more.’’_

Kylo noted Gaius’ words had some effect on him, combined with the emotions Mako was sending him. Hathor stilled slightly and took in the energy of the Force around him. Kylo also glanced at Hux worriedly as he felt the coolness of fear pierce through all the anger and hurt. To say Hux was scared was an oversimplification, though Gaius may not have been able to pick up on the more subtle emotions. Hux was confused, disoriented, feeling helpless at not being able to take charge of the situation or even understand what had just happened. He was not even permitted to look up.

_‘…I’ll be calm for his sake. Let me up, I’ll let this bastard live…’_

He was angry, but Kylo could feel he was sincere. Kylo let go of his hold on Hathor and let him up. The knight sat back up and adopted a proper sitting stance.

_‘I volunteer myself as training partner! You may work through your anger with me upon the field of battle.’_

_‘Might need to take you up on that E’Chon…I want to hit something before the day is up. Especially after this…’_

“My deepest apologies…” Hathor growled through his modulator.

“All act in accordance with their nature. Outlanders will be outlanders,” said the Warlord. He glared at Mako, “I trust you will find what you are seeking among their ranks, but I pray the Force will show you clarity in its stead.”

“Mock not my wanderlust when thou hast not seen beyond thy walls,” countered Mako.

“I’ve seen enough,” said Hirotomo, once again forgoing any attempt to make his words sweet or poetic. He sighed, “Take your rest, keep your foreign vessel in check, and should you display any sort of aggression again, it will be war between us.”

Kylo could feel the Warlord’s true sentiments, despite the impassivity of his expression. Hathor had not frightened him. He was a bit like Hux in the way that he was so sure of his power that he did not feel the need to actively defend himself. He was, however, fiercely jealous. His youngest brother who he had grown up with, laughed with, cried with, fought with and cared for deeply had chosen strangers, outsiders over his own flesh and blood. Hirotomo could not understand it and it was eating away at him. He felt deep and devastating loss. He had been so certain that once Mako returned, looked upon his home, saw his real brother that he would insist upon staying when his task was complete and become the respectable nobleman he had been raised to be.

Mako was not ignorant to this and spoke, “Amongst my fellows we share our thoughts and feelings betwixt us. If…perhaps you would accept them you might under-”

“Force-Users and their techniques are hallowed among our people, but not so much that we would permit mind-games. Besides, you have your _outlandish vessel_ for that,” said Hirotomo with forced evenness and glaring in Hux’s direction. He did not mean it, and everyone in the room but Hux could sense it. He wanted reconciliation with his brother, but would not have it at the cost of lowering himself, of appearing weak.

“Then I shall take my leave. My humble thanks Warlord Hirotomo for thy hospitality and lenience is boundless as space itself,” said Mako politely, bowing with practiced ease.

“You may have your leave, though I would have a word with the Master of Ren,” said Hirotomo.

“You may have as many words as you wish,” replied Kylo.

_‘Hathor, Mako, I can sense you’re both out of sorts. Will you be alright?’_

_‘I’m going to go hit something. That was disgusting.’_

_‘All will be well, all will be well and all manner of things will be well, in their time. A moment’s repose in solitude would do me much goodness forsooth.”_

_‘E’Chon, can you look after Hathor?’_

_‘It would be my honour! If it had been permitted I would have attacked the Warlord alongside him!’_

_‘That means a lot E’Chon, really. When we’re done I’ll help you untangle yourself.’_

_‘Seig, Eleo, Gaius…how’s Hux?’_

_‘Frightened, confused, anxious, but calm enough to remain still and keep his face downcast in spite of it. The vessel is indeed sturdy in the face of chaos.’_

_‘Sturdy, but he looks like he’ll flip out as soon as we get him out of here.’_

_‘I’ll look after him. If Mako remembers right there’s a nice bath and gardens. Those might help him calm down.’_

_‘Just make sure he’s okay, and be sure to tell him I’ll be with him as soon as I can.’_

_‘Will do, boss.’_

The knights filed out of the room. Kylo felt hesitation from Hux when he did not accompany them, but left anyhow. He seemed to instinctively know that if his presence was required Kylo would have asked it. He was a mess of nerves though, and along with Hathor’s barely suppressed rage and Mako’s dejection the room was a swirl of dark and varied emotions.

Warlord Hirotomo regarded him with as much stoicism as he could muster, “I will speak plainly with you, as seems to be your custom. I have read all I could find regarding your order. As I understand, a knight may terminate his service at any time.”

“That choice lies with Mako Ren,” said Kylo, trying to match his stoicism. How did Hux manage it so well? It seemed no matter how insulted or angry he felt if he put his mind to it he could appear to be nothing but calm and collected. He would have to remind himself to ask the General how he had learned to set his face like stone and seemingly ignore any rage or chaos around him.

“He will come back. With all due respect Master of Ren, Shinichiro’s place is among his people. In the past the knights who hailed from Heian were rarely required to leave,” the Warlord pressed.

“This was also Mako Ren’s choice. Neither I nor my Master forced him to take leave of this place,” explained Kylo.

“He will come back,” repeated Hirotomo quietly. He added, “Though, until he does, would you do me the kindness of affording my brother protection through this trial. He fears being trapped in his armour and opponents who press too close.”

“Hathor Ren takes care to watch over him at all times,” said Kylo.

“His lover…” noted the Warlord with the smallest hint of spite creeping into his voice, “It is not uncommon for our young men to take male lovers, especially between masters and apprentices. But he should have left such a boyish sentiment behind him by now…had he stayed he surely would have had children by now. I mean no insult to you, but this is not our way. He should not be permitted to continue this self-indulgent behaviour.”

“Our affiliation with the dark side commands a certain degree of self-indulgence. Surely you came across this in your readings,” countered Kylo. He was not about to impose Heian rules on Mako, which he could see full well was Hirotomo’s goal in this exchange of theirs.

“This Hathor Ren, is he of good breeding. Is he respectable?” asked the Warlord, “Aside from his temper and lack of decorum.”

“You insulted him and our vessel,” Kylo pointed out, unable to help showing some frustration at that, “Hathor Ren is my lieutenant along with E’Chon Ren. He is proficient in ranged and melee combat. He is strong in the ways of the Force and descended from the Sun Priests of Atem. Of all my knights he is the most devoted and caring. You will do him no further insult in my presence.”

“His credentials seem sufficient,” noted the Warlord. He looked at Kylo more harshly, “But I do not approve of the General, your vessel as you call him. He is no warrior and his plans for conquest are cause for suspicion. I do not trust him.”

“At the cost of seeming rude, I must be blunt with you Warlord Hirotomo. Mako Ren is free to make his own decisions. Whether he associates with General Hux or not is his own choice. I will not sway him one way or another,” said Kylo firmly, “General Hux is was raised in a warrior’s camp, practically bred for battle and strategy, and he informs me that he has had the best training the First Order can provide. Among his people he is regarded as a great leader and tactician.”

“A scholar in a warrior’s mask,” said Hirotomo with a slight scoff, “I do not care for the opinion of his people, though you in turn do not seem to care for my opinion of your choice of vessel.”

“I don’t,” said Kylo bluntly.

“I have not the Force, I have not your clairvoyance nor your ability to see the thoughts of others. I do, however, have history texts and intuition. Your vessel will betray you,” warned Hirotomo, “The heat of battle will overpower him, his devotion to his own Order will take his mind and heart from him, and he will prove to be your destruction. He has the eyes of one who kills far too lightly.”

“The Knights of Ren select our vessel based on mutual feelings of admiration and respect. Do you believe yourself to have superior judge of character than not one, but seven Force-Users?” asked Kylo. He added, unable to help being haughty at this point, “Mako warned me that you were arrogant, but this reaches a level so high it’s insulting, Warlord Hirotomo.”

Hirotomo made no response but Kylo could sense his answer. He believed himself right. In his arrogance and fear for his brother he had convinced himself he knew best. Kylo was very rapidly growing tired of nosy families who thought they knew what was best without taking the time to even begin to try and understand the hurt they had caused. He was starting to regret halting Hathor’s attack.

“You may take your leave. Rest well and see to your challenge. Do me the kindness of repaying my hospitality by ensuring Shinichiro survives his encounter with the Living Temple,” said the Warlord.

“He will live, Hathor Ren will see to that personally,” assured Kylo.

   ***  

“Would any of you like to tell me what exactly the hell just happened!?”

Hux stared down at Seigurd, Eleo and Gaius. Hathor had stalked off with E’Chon. Even without the Force Hux could feel all of the rage and hate coming off of him. Mako, curiously, did not follow them and wandered off on his own with a silence and slowness that seemed completely contrary to his usual demeanor. Kylo had stayed behind, they had almost nearly killed the Heian Warlord, and Hux had no idea what was going to happen to them.

“Priss lost his cool,” said Eleo, scratching the back of his helmet awkwardly, “The Warlord wanted Mako to, and I quote, ‘start a real family’ and said a bunch of other nasty things. But it’s fine. Sounds like there was no harm done. Having his little brother on our side probably gives us a lot of brownie points, but I doubt he’ll be that forgiving again.”

“It is as Eleo Ren says. Personally I would have preferred it if Hathor Ren had been allowed to indulge his lust for violence, but the mission unfortunately must take precedence,” added Seigurd.

 _‘It’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. Kylo’s just tying up some loose ends. He’ll be back soon and everything will be fine,’_ assured Gaius, taking Hux’s hand, _‘Come on, let’s lie down and wait for the others to come back. It’s really peaceful here.’_

“I’m sorry, I’m still not over the fact that Hathor _almost killed the Heian Warlord!”_ raved Hux, “Do any of you understand what a political nightmare that would have been!? Not to mention the whole planet probably would have hunted us down and gutted us like tauntauns!”

“But he didn’t, Kylo held him off and it all worked out…well…mostly worked out. Priss is still pissed and flowers-for-brains wants some alone time,” said Eleo.

“The energy of this place lends itself to meditation. Perhaps learning to empty your mind will help your nerves, General,” advised Seigurd.

“I don’t want to empty my mind, I need that for thinking,” groaned Hux, massaging his temples.

“Your ‘brain’ and mind are two separate entities. You may find taking time to care for your mind and emotional needs will better enable your capacity to think,” scolded Seigurd.

 _‘There’s not much you can do right now, but it would help us all out if you relaxed. You’re sort of our rallying point, and if you’re stressed out we get worried,”_ explained Gaius, _‘If you don’t like meditating, what do you do to relax?’_

“I read,” sighed Hux, “I organize things. Completing tasks put me a little more at ease.”

 _‘Did you bring any books?’_ asked Gaius.

“A whole database worth,” said Hux, touching the datapad in his pocket.

“Good, then let’s keep cool, send out good vibes and wait for everyone to calm down,” said Eleo.

“I have no idea how you can stay so calm with all this…” said Hux with a slight groan.

“Cool-headedness is Eleo Ren’s strength, though it can come off as a touch lethargic,” observed Seigurd, “I would prefer if you would allow yourself to feel anger for more things than early mornings.”

“What can I say? I’m the worst dark Force-user ever and mornings suck,” said Eleo flippantly. He pointed down a wood and paper hallway, “Guestrooms are this way if Mako’s memory serves.”


	8. Hot Spring Scramble (Part I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm stressing out, but at least our heroes get to have a relaxing outdoor bath. Or, well, they try... 
> 
> Also, where I'm at I don't have access to any of the new Star Wars novels, visual guides, ect, so I don't actually know the social-political structure or history of Arkanis. I just made up my own based on a particular country during a certain grouping of centuries. So anything I say here, not canon, just so we're all clear.

The guestroom struck Hux as a bit odd.  It was an empty room with floors made out of that matted straw stuff and paper walls.  The rooms all had a sweet, grassy smell to them that Hux recalled from field training at the Academy and simulations.  He had thought that his own quarters were relatively Spartan, but in these rooms there was not even furniture.  Gaius knocked on one of that walls to get his attention when Hux was observing this, and slid the wall panel open to reveal a closet with bedding and cushions. 

Even without them though, the flooring was strangely cool and comfortable.  Hux was not naturally inclined to lie on the floor, but being the only one standing while the three knights lay or sat on the ground made him feel out of place.  So Hux gave in and stretched out on the floor, pulled out his datapad, and began to read about the History of Moisture Farming on Tatooine.  Not the most engaging topic, but it was something Hux knew nothing about and he preferred to broaden his knowledge base.  Who knew when something mundane might prove invaluable? 

Concentrating was difficult.  If Hux thought he could get through it without feeling like he was indulging an excess he might have tried fiction.  He had heard escapism was good for these sorts of situations.  Hux glanced at Seigurd and envied the knight’s ability to completely empty his head and sit seemingly oblivious to the world around him.  Eleo was working on one of his weapons.  Hux had offered to help, if only to give himself something to do, but the knight refused.  “Sorry General, I like you, but nobody touches the arsenal but me.  As someone whose catchphrase might as well be, ‘don’t destroy my ship,’ I think you can understand.” 

At some point Gaius had wandered off, leaving Hux with the other two.  He sighed.  The knights, whatever their business had been, were taking forever.  It occurred to Hux that he had never seen Hathor angry.  He had seen him snap and scold, but never in a murderous rage, and never at the cost of abandoning Mako.  It was not like Mako to be quiet either, wandering off by himself, or for Kylo to be diplomatic.  Nothing was making much sense, but of course, the Knights of Ren had never made much sense to him before.  Why should they start behaving in a way he could comprehend now? 

He wondered if he might be able to find Gaius.  If he was on the grounds than he ought to be able to join him, wherever he was.  He looked over at Eleo, “Where did Gaius run off to?” 

“To have a bath, I think…yup, definitely in the bath.  He left when you stopped freaking out, and would have invited you, but he knows how you feel about communal naked time,” said Eleo with a shrug, “He says he’ll come back if you want to take a walk.” 

“Actually, a bath sounds wonderful,” mused Hux.  Shuttle travel always left him feeling overtired and like he was covered in an extra layer of grime.  If not for his inclination towards insomnia, he would have probably passed out by now. 

“They don’t really do private baths on Heian.  Baths are actually social things.  We’ll have some privacy since we’re guests, but the bath is outside, in the open air, and we’ll be able to pop in and out whenever we like.  Are you okay with that?” warned Eleo. 

“Not exactly, but if it’s all that’s available beggars can’t be choosers,” muttered Hux.  He would have preferred to wash in private, but if it could not be helped, than it could not be helped.  He would rather not spend the rest of the day holed up in a small room feeling and smelling disgusting.  It was not as if he had never set foot in a communal shower before, and the knights seemed slightly less inclined to try to whip him with a towel or point out his red pubic hair. 

“Alright then, turn left and go down that hall, then go through the last door on your left and inside is the changing area.  Then you go outside, give yourself a scrub and hop in,” instructed Eleo. 

“And you know all of this from being connected to Mako Ren,” observed Hux before musing quietly to himself, “Fascinating…” 

“When you’re connected to six other people you learn all kinds of stuff,” said Eleo with a shrug, “Some you want to know, a lot you don’t.  But it keeps things interesting.” 

“If you desire knowledge you are welcome to commune with us,” said Seigurd so suddenly that it made Hux start slightly, “It may even help you accustom yourself to our connection should you need to coordinate us in battle.” 

“I prefer to keep my head to myself, no offense,” said Hux, his words coming out a bit more dry than he intended.  As much as he was curious, connecting with the knights was disorienting, uncomfortable and a little painful.  If he was eased into it he could manage, but he was still unsettled by the idea of seven people combing through his thoughts and memories.  Those belonged to him, they were private and he hoped the knights could at least appreciate that, even if they could not understand it. 

“Come on, can’t say you’re not a little interested in being able to access seven sets of memories,” teased Eleo. 

“I have things I don’t like other people seeing,” insisted Hux. 

“A most curious sentiment indeed,” noted Seigurd. 

“So neither of you can honestly say you don’t have a single memory you’re uncomfortable with someone else seeing?” asked Hux. 

“Pained, yes, unsettled, no,” replied Seigurd, “However, we can feel each other’s pain and embarrassment and do what we can not to dredge up anything unsavory.  The process is trial and error though, unfortunately.” 

“We can see theirs, they can see ours.  It’s a bit like a communal bath in a sense.  Everyone is exposed just the same, so nobody really has anything to be embarrassed about.  We’ve all got one or two things we’re not exactly proud of doing or being,” said Eleo with a shrug, “We might act like a bunch of goofs, but we are trained fighters and killers.  We all got our start somewhere…” 

“I’d still prefer not to,” said Hux, “Public baths are more exposure than I’d like as it is.” 

Hux found the halls and changing area exactly as Eleo had described them.  He was surprised with how clean and neat the place was, despite not seeing a single cleaning droid about.  When he thought about it, he had not noticed anything mechanical apart from the transport they had arrived in and lights on the landing pad.  There had to be light coming from somewhere though, since there were no windows.  Perhaps there was something inside or on the paper that made it luminescent.  A quick inspection of it as he walked through the halls proved that to be the case.  It was interesting to see a place that was so minimalistic they did not even want light fixtures to throw off the aesthetic. 

The first thing Hux did when he arrived in the changing area was perform a sweep for bugs or hidden weapons.  It was not so much out of mistrust for anyone on Heian - even though he was not really confident that they would not hurt him if given half a chance - it was more from habit.  If he was going to make himself vulnerable he wanted to make sure he was doing so in a secured place.  The first thing Hux noticed was that there were no locks on the doors.  Anyone could walk in at any moment.  With this in mind he made sure to cover himself with a towel as he was taking off his uniform.  He was not normally in the habit of doing so, but he did not like the idea of being exposed to some stranger if someone happened to walk in. 

He could feel the heat and moisture from the bath before he opened the door.  Once he did open the door, Hux was left stunned.  He had never seen a place quite like it.  It appeared to be a natural spring, surrounded by gardens.  Being accustomed to seeing nothing but durasteel walls and the blackness of space for vast stretches of a time, being confronted with so much colour and naturalness was a shock. 

Gaius waved to him from the water and pointed at the door.  Hux was temporarily stunned by the sight of him.  It was not his first time seeing Gaius, and he knew how the small knight’s face was covered in scars, but for some reason he was not prepared for him to be completely naked.  It was a stupid thing to think; they were in a bath and people did not wear their clothes when they washed.  It had been such a long time since Hux had used a communal shower or bath that the sight of another naked body was shocking to him. 

He tried not to stare and looked around the doorway.  He saw a mat with Gaius’ borrowed slippers on it and supposed he had to go in barefoot.  Hux kicked off his slippers before entering the bath area.  Gaius pointed to an alcove by the door.  There was a line of faucets and stools to sit on.  That was right, Eleo said he was supposed to scrub himself before getting in the bath itself.  Hux had to admit it was much better than stewing in his own and other people’s filth. 

He supposed he ought to have brought his kit bag and the soaps that Hathor had prescribed him, but Hux could hardly be bothered to go back for them at this point.  Besides, there was something pleasantly eerie about being outside and half exposed like this.  It was unsettling being vulnerable in an open place like this, and yet it seemed like a perfectly natural thing to do.  Perhaps it was something ancient in his blood harkening back to a time before technology that was getting back in tune with nature. 

After sitting and unwrapping the towel, Hux would occasionally glance over his shoulder to see if Gaius was still in the bath.  Out of all the knights he knew Gaius was the least likely to do something that would make him uncomfortable, even by accident, but he felt instinctively compelled to know exactly where everyone was when he stripped himself.  It may have been a side effect of the boyish pranks cadets would play on each other in the showers that had made him paranoid, or perhaps he came by it a little more honestly.  It could have been an animal compulsion or being raised in a society that taught him that it was wrong to allow other people see him naked or to stare at another naked person.   

Hux could not really help wrapping the towel around himself again before he got up again.  He could also not help noticing that Gaius, while not exactly staring, had been watching him.  As he approached the bath, Hux held up his hand, extending his index finger to point at the ground and twirling his wrist, signalling for the knight to turn around.  Gaius let out a noise that sounded a bit like a giggle as Hux took off the towel and folded it before setting it aside and slipping into the bath.  It was pleasantly warm, though it smelled slightly of sulfur.  One of the mountains nearby must have been a volcano then. 

After a few moments the knight turned again and Hux was compelled to look away.  Through his peripheral vision and feeling the water ripple around him he could tell Gaius had approached and settled beside him.  He felt something entwine with his smallest finger and heard a laughing voice in his head, _‘You really are kind of a prude, aren’t you?’_

“I’m not used to this,” said Hux lamely.  It was a poor excuse, but it was the only one he could think of that would not require ten minutes worth of anthropological speculation. 

 _‘There’s nothing wrong with it, I just didn’t think you’d be this shy,’_ noted Gaius, _‘Is everyone like this where you’re from?’_

“I suppose we’re like every other culture.  Some of us are, some of us aren’t.  But we don’t normally bathe together like this, so if I had to guess, most Arkanisians wouldn’t exactly be comfortable in this position,” replied Hux. 

 _‘That seems about right.  The people I met there seemed friendly, though they had sort of a weird sense of humour,’_ noted Gaius. 

“I suppose you only met civilians,” said Hux. 

 _‘Yeah, I wasn’t anywhere near your Academy, and I only stopped there for a little while on my way to and from the Outer Rim.  It seemed like a nice planet though,’_ said Gaius.  He paused for a moment, _‘What does ‘arseways’ mean?’_

“A complete and utter mess,” replied Hux. 

 _‘Thought so…that’s what someone was calling something about the local government,’_ explained Gaius. 

“Hardly surprising,” scoffed Hux, “After the fall of the Empire the New Republic attempted to ‘help’ Outer Rim planets by imposing Inner Core regulations upon them and trying to stamp out Imperialism.  As I understand it things weren’t exactly stable beforehand, but things are far worse now than they ever were before.  There’s still a political divide between north and south that has made things, well, not pleasant.” 

 _‘I see…I figured something must have happened to make everyone so tense, and it looked like there were a lot of local militias,’_ said Gaius. 

“Yes, they’re a credit a dozen on Arkanis.  You couldn’t swing a dead Draz on Arkanis without hitting a militiaman,” said Hux dryly. 

 _‘See, there’s that sense of humour that I don’t understand at all.  I can sense you’re trying to say something funny or witty to make light of a sore subject, but I just don’t see how it’s funny,’_ said Gaius, sounding slightly confused and exasperated, _‘I feel bad for the poor Draz…’_

“I suppose Arkanisian humour is an acquired taste.  Being on the Outer Rim life is fairly rough and tumble.  We’re quite sarcastic, we enjoy a bit of wordplay, observational humor, quick quips and responses, and of course the darker and more morbid the subject matter, the better,” explained Hux. 

 _‘Well, E’Chon thinks you’re funny, so I suppose everyone has different tastes…’_ Gaius conceded. 

“Where are you from, if you don’t mind my asking,” inquired Hux, glancing slightly to the side but still not quite able to manage eye contact. 

‘ _Remes…’_ came Gaius’ thoughts quietly, _‘I’m from Remes, in the northern hemisphere.  I’m of the Helvetii tribe.’_

“Your planet has a tribal based system of government?” asked Hux. 

_‘No, there were many cultures on my planet once.  I belonged to a country in the north called Helvetia.  There was a country that invaded mine and…to make a long story short, Helvetia doesn’t exist anymore.  There’s just Remes now.’_

Hux furrowed his brow slightly, “Gaius…you’re aware of what I…the First Order does…is doing right now.  Are you…?”

_‘Does the First Order turn the executions of the leaders of captured planets into a carnival act?’_

“No…that’s barbaric.” 

_‘Does the First Order enslave their families, small children included, and sell them on an auction block?’_

“No…that’s…” 

_‘Does the First Order rip out the tongues of people who disagree with them and then carve up their faces for a cheap laugh at dinner parties?’_

“Gaius…” 

_‘Does the First Order make slaves and prisoners fight to the death for the entertainment of a mob?  Do you watch and cheer while two people fight and kill because maybe, just maybe if the mob is happy this time, they might be set free?  Do you groan with displeasure if your Supreme Leader declares a prisoner may live?  Do you let out an overjoyed shout when he sentences a slave to fall on his own sword?  Do you laugh when children are sentence to be torn apart by wild animals or unarmed men are hunted down in an arena for your entertainment?’_

Hux had nothing he could say in response to that.  The water rippled weakly around Gaius as his anger spiked and then cooled.  He let out a wordless sigh and gave Hux’s smallest finger a squeeze. 

 _‘Emme Helico was the last Prince of the Helvetii.  He died and Gaius Ren was born,’_ said the knight in Hux’s mind, _‘And he was rescued, adopted by a strange but happy family, and so far he’s living happily ever after.  So…I’m sorry if I got a bit heated there and scared you, but don’t be sad.  I didn’t want to make you sad.’_

“If it were me, I’d be a more than a bit heated,” said Hux through his teeth, “Where exactly is Remes?” 

 _‘Mid-Rim, officially, but it’s pretty close to the Outer Rim,’_ replied Gaius. 

“Not too far out of the way then,” growled Hux.  He turned and looked down at Gaius and all of his scars. 

“Would you like me to blow it up?” 

   ***  

Gaius took in the General’s stern features.  He did not need the Force to tell that Hux was deathly serious about his offer. 

_‘Uh…guys?’_

_‘Yup?’_

_‘I think I might have accidently given the General a new planet to target.’_

_‘I felt you speaking of Helvetii.  Ah, I can feel his thoughts.  So he wants to attack Remes, does he?  Such an odd vessel…’_

Gaius sighed slightly to himself.  Seigurd was incredibly talented when it came to Force arts while Gaius struggled to do things like share thoughts and lift feathers.  It seemed no matter how hard he trained he would always be the weakest of the bunch in that regard.  He was a little jealous, and Seigurd knew it.  The blond knight sent him the Force equivalent of a reassuring pat on the head before adding, _‘The Force works in its own way in its own time.  You may become stronger yet.’_

“Because really, it’s no trouble at all,” said Hux, his pink lips, usually relaxed in a practiced sort of calm were pulled back slightly in a snarl, “It might even be a good field exercise.  Phasma loves those.  We get another planet for the First Order, Phasma gets to have some non-simulated training, and the bastard who did that to you will get what’s coming to him.” 

 _‘Well…E’Chon sort of beat you to it,’_ admitted Gaius, focusing his thoughts towards Hux, _‘Our Master, your Supreme Leader, not Kylo, sent him to look for something important on Remes and said he would know what it was when he found it.  Then he found me.’_

“I could still blow it up for you, though perhaps it would be too quick an end,” seethed Hux. 

 _‘You usually kill quickly?’_ asked Gaius. 

“And cleanly.  No suffering, no pain at all if it can be helped.  Of course the First Order would rather add more territory and peoples to our collective than kill them unless it’s a necessity…though in this case I’m willing to do it because the whole planet sounds arseways and foul as a hooer’s boot…”

_‘Okay, trying to concentrate on guns but…has he always talked like that?’_

_‘Well, sometimes people talk different when they’re mad or being informal.  And I guess he always has to act professional on his ship.’_

_‘No, not so much the language.  He’s a soldier so I figured he secretly had a mouth on him, but I could have sworn his accent changed for a second there.’_

_‘Really?  I didn’t notice.’_

_‘Seig?  What’s your take on this?’_

_‘I am meditating Eleo Ren…’_

_‘Yeah, but, come on, is the General hiding an accent or not?  What do you think his deal is?’_

_‘…it sounded more like a colloquialism.  He was likely groomed for his position and taught to speak with a Corruscanti accent from birth.  His dialect however may have been more difficult to account for.’_

_‘I-I feel bloodlust coming off of Hux!  I-is he okay!?  Is he in trouble!?’_

_‘He’s fine Kylo, I just sort of accidentally made him a bit mad…He’s fine though.’_

_‘…Gaius…I can feel you’re in the bath…’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘And Hux is with you…’_

_‘Um, yeah…?’_

_‘So he’s…Oh god!  Gaius don’t look at him!  I can’t handle that yet!’_

_‘Huh?’_

_‘I just got out of that meeting with Mako’s brother.  I was tuning you out to concentrate and just…d-don’t look please.  I’m not…I can’t…’_

_‘Wow…you’re not usually bothered when other people are naked.’_

_‘N-no, but…i-it’s Hux and…I…’_

_‘Why not come join us then?  Everyone will be naked so nobody should feel weird about it.’_

_‘B-But what if I get…you know…’_

_‘Don’t worry boss, we’ll be on standby to kill your boner.’_

_‘The Master of Ren should simply indulge his desire.  Once he has given into temptation, it will surely uncloud his mind.’_

_‘S-Seig, I can’t just walk up to him and start…you know…he might not like that…’_

_‘He has red hair though.’_

_‘…what’s that supposed to mean?’_

_‘In addition to being a most appropriate and pleasing colour for those who use the dark side of the Force, among my people there were…superstitions.  Red hair supposedly denoted wanton tastes when it came to sins of the flesh.’_

_‘As weird and probably wrong as that is, the Geezer has a point.  Maybe he’d like it if you were a bit more forward and assertive.’_

_‘Eleo Ren I hope for your sake that name will not stick.’_

_‘You_ are _the oldest.’_

_‘By a standard week.’_

_‘Look, the point is, how do you know he isn’t into that sort of thing?  Have you ever asked him?’_

_‘W-well…no…he’s shy and I’m shy and it’s…’_

“You’re all doing it again, aren’t you?”

Hux had turned away again, if the water moving was anything to go by.  Gaius sighed apologetically, _‘Sorry, it comes to us a bit more naturally than talking…are you mad?’_

“No, I’m not angry, it’s just frustrating sitting with people talking about who knows what while I just sit there.  Though perhaps you have good reason to do it.  Our conversation clearly upset you and your brothers seem better equipped when it comes to giving comfort,” said the General. 

Gaius was not particularly good at picking up subtle emotions, but base ones, happiness, anger, sadness, fear and disgust came easily enough.  There was a mix of disgust and anger.  Frustration maybe?  That would make sense.  When he was by himself in a room full of people and could not communicate with them he got very frustrated.  It must have been worse feeling like people who were his friends might be talking behind his back all the time, and doing it right in front of him.  They had no intention of offending or making fun of Hux, but if it made the General feel bad then he wanted to fix that. 

 _‘We can’t exactly stop.  It would be a bit like asking us not to breathe, but we can try to be more verbal when we’re all together with you,’_ offered Gaius. 

“You’re…awfully considerate,” noted Hux, “All things considered.” 

 _‘My brothers can all use the Force to pick up on people’s feelings.  I could probably avoid making you uncomfortable in the first place if I was better at it,’_ said Gaius. 

“Oh, I very much doubt that,” said Hux with a slight huff.  Gaius looked up at Hux with some surprise.  Hopefully Kylo would not mind if he looked at the General’s face, “It seems that even with the ability to sense my emotions, you knights rarely seem to know how exactly to address them.  You mentioned yourself that sometimes a strong connection to the Force breeds a sort of disconnect.  Perhaps that’s why you’re able to better understand those of us without the Force.” 

 _‘I still wish I was just a little bit stronger, just so I could keep up and maybe talk to people easier,’_ replied Gaius. 

“I think you’re fine as you are Gaius.  This collective of yours would hardly be as effective if you were homogenous,” observed Hux.  Gaius felt the General’s slender fingers scratch amiably at the back of his scalp as he deadpanned, “And you’d hardly be my favorite if you were all exactly the same.” 

Gaius snorted slightly at that.  He felt Seigurd begin to stew a little bit with some jealousy of his own and Gaius sent him what relief he could. 

_‘You know that’s just sort of our ‘thing’ right?  He’s not actually ranking us based on who he likes most.  He still likes you.’_

_‘I suppose with seven of us though some are bound to be liked more than others…it’s inevitable, really.’_

_‘Not more, just differently…I promise.’_

_‘Is that so?  I suppose as the Force-Null says, you are able to pick up on various nuances the Force deems fit not to reveal to me.’_

_‘You could join us if you want.  I sense you feel a bit lonely.’_

_‘It is…empty without our three other brothers.’_

_‘Are you kidding?  I’m finally getting a break from Mako’s awful poetry.  This is great!  The fact that he’s in a rut, not so much, but the silence is kind of nice for a change.’_

_‘H-hold on…almost there.  Oh god…I can sense he’s still there…and he’s naked…oh god…oh god…’_

_‘Just be yourself.  You’ll be fine.’_

_‘Right…okay…deep breaths…I’m coming in!’_

Gaius heard the doors to the bath open.  Kylo called out, “Oh, Hux, I didn’t notice you were there.” 

The General nearly glanced over his shoulder but checked himself.  He looked embarrassed.  Gaius could feel him focusing his surface thoughts as he called out, “Didn’t you, now?” 

In his mind he asked Gaius in a slightly fretful tone, _‘He didn’t…come here just to watch me take a bath, did he?’_

_‘Um…well…yes and no?’_

_‘Oh god…’_

Gaius saw the General curl his legs up to cover himself as Kylo gave himself a quick scrub down.  Really, these two were so shy and ridiculous that it was absolutely adorable.  Kylo was awkward and the General seemed weirdly inexperienced when it came to anything beyond professional relationships.  It was more like watching a pair of teenagers fumbling around than grown men.  But then, Kylo had been trained as a Jedi, and Hux’s life seemed to have been devoted to the First Order since he was born, so while it might not have been a first physical relationship for either of them, it was probably the first time either of them experienced a deep emotional connection like this. 

Kylo must have sensed Hux’s apprehension, or heard his thoughts in Gaius’ mind, because he quickly began to flounder through his words, “No, I didn’t!  I came out to have a bath and you were here!  That is all that is going on and nothing else!” 

“Then stop shouting and take your bath,” said Hux, curling his knees up to his chest and hugging his arms around them. 

_‘You two are so cute.’_

_‘N-no we’re…it’s just that he’s…o-okay, I can do this…but what if he thinks I’m…’_

_‘You’ll be fine.  Come on in.’_

‘K-Kay…’ 

Gaius watched Kylo settle into the water and move to the other end of the pool so he could sit across from them.  Hux kept his eyes on the nearby plants the whole time and took to watching a caterpillar from the looks of it.  He turned a deeper shade of pink that had nothing to do with the heat of the bath as Kylo sat across from him and said nothing, trying to appear cool and aloof.  Inside his head, however, was another story altogether. 

_‘H-He’s so small and cute…’_

_‘Boss, you know he’s over six feet tall, right?’_

_‘I mean just…he’s really thin and…wow he’s pale and…l-little freckles on his arms and legs…’_

_‘Seeing someone without scars is a bit weird.  He’s cute and all, but let me know if you get a good look at his ass.’_

_‘He is most lovely to behold.  The darkness made an excellent choice in gravitating to him.’_

_‘He…he has a real nice collar bone and…ah!  Oh Force I can’t look!  H-his…his nipples…’_

_‘Yeah, everyone has nipples.  No surprises there.’_

_‘…p-pink…cute…I’m going to die…and I’m going to die happy.’_

_‘That’s kind of exaggerating, don’t you think?’_

Gaius could feel a weird sort of happy and frightened energy coming off of Kylo.  Hux was oblivious to it, though he knew Kylo’s eyes were on him, and had begun to play with the caterpillar, prodding it and trying to coax it onto his finger. 

_‘…maybe you should say something to him?’_

_‘I-I can’t!  He’s so…and I’m…and he’s…’_

Gaius tapped Hux on the shoulder.  The General looked down at him and the small knight nodded in Kylo’s direction.  If Kylo was not going to say something, surely the General could.  Kylo had a lot of memories of him making speeches and addressing crowds.  Talking to one person must not have been so difficult for him. 

Hux sighed lightly before dryly asking, “Is the water warm enough for you?” 

Kylo said nothing.  He was too tongue tied, too nervous. 

“Well?” asked Hux, feeling like he was about to inch towards the caterpillar again. 

Kylo said nothing and began to fidget. 

“If you aren’t going to say anything…” groaned Hux, turning slightly again. 

“Your nipples are cute and pink like candy!” Kylo yelped. 

For a few moments nobody said anything.  Everyone was far too stunned by the exclamation, except for Kylo, who filled up their collective headspace with embarrassment, regret, and excessive cursing.  Gaius looked over at Hux nervously.  The General sat, stunned as if someone just told him the Resistance had won the war, his jaw slightly dropped and his brow furrowing as the caterpillar crawled up his finger. 

Finally Eleo chimed in. 

_‘Heh…heh  heh…ha ha…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Oh man!  Oh man!  Ha ha ha ha!  This is too great!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”_

“What the _hell_ Ren!?” snapped Hux, his caterpillar friend still firmly attached to his hand as his arms flew to cover his chest. 

“Huh?  W-what?  I didn’t say anything!  Gaius, you didn’t hear anything, did you?” asked Kylo hurriedly, trying and failing to act indifferent. 

  _‘Kylo, just say sorry and tell him you got flustered because he looks nice…’_

“It’s not like I said I wanted to slather them in cream and lick it off!” protested Kylo. 

_‘Ah ha ha ha ha ha!  Oh my god!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  You’re going to kill me!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!’_

_‘I can’t stop talking!  How do I stop talking!?’_

_‘Heh…heh heh heh…’_

_‘Not you too Seig!’_

_‘It is…his caterpillar.  Yes…the caterpillar…heh…amuses me…’_

_‘Seig, you liar!  I expected more from you Seigurd!’_

_‘Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!’_

Eleo’s fevered cackling could be heard faintly from inside as Kylo continued to insert his foot into his mouth inch by inch, “Which I don’t!  Because only a real creep would do that!  I don’t even like cream!  There are much better condiments for-!” 

“Kylo…” groaned Hux, whose becaterpillared hand had risen to cover his eyes while his other arm strategically covered his chest, “Just…stop talking…” 

_‘I blew it…I’m gonna drown myself in this onsen…’_

_‘Ha ha ha…ha ha…ow…ha ha ha…ah…it hurts but it’s still great…ha ha ha…’_

_‘Do not drown yourself Master of Ren, that is one desire I will not permit you to indulge.’_

_‘Maybe…give him a minute or two to get over that and we’ll try again…’_

_‘Kay…’_


	9. Hot Spring Scramble (Part II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written MONTHS ago, long before the Armitage Hux reveal. So Hux has a non-canon name in this. I hope nobody minds too much. 
> 
> Also, I wrote the full sonnet to prove my stupidity knows no bounds.

Kylo visibly sighed with relief when Seigurd entered the bath.  The knight took a moment to survey the scene with his own eyes.  Gaius had managed to calm Hux down and they passed the caterpillar between them as Hux explained insect anatomy, how caterpillars formed a chrysalis and turned into butterflies, as well as typical colouration patterns on poisonous insects.  Kylo, for his part, remained on his side of the bath and felt horrible and awkward.  He had felt like he needed to say something and the worst possible things all tumbled out of his mouth. 

_‘Not the worst possible things…’_

_‘Yeah, boss, the real worst possible thing would probably be the one with the soft cheeses and plastic-’_

_‘They were the worst possible things, okay!’_

_‘Sure…’_

Seigurd stepped into the bath and sat by Kylo.  He had a naturally ethereal and eerie appearance, something Kylo had envied when they had first met, and he seemed to be even more striking against the dark stones that lined the outside of the hot spring.  He became less striking and more unsettling as he continued to stare at Hux.  Kylo looked down at his knight awkwardly when it became obvious that Seigurd was not going to look anywhere else. 

_‘Seig…could you…um…’_

_‘I cast my eyes as the darkness commands.’_

_‘Yes, I know, you’re always very clear about that, but do you think maybe, just this once…’_

_‘He is a beautiful vessel.’_

_‘Yes, we know and that’s very flattering, but…’_

_‘He is very beautiful…’_

Kylo paused and felt a number of things he was not used to feeling from Seigurd Ren.  Normally the knight pursued what he wanted relentlessly, as the darkness and his desires commanded, his inhibitions having been cast away a long time ago.  He had a lot of desires concerning the vessel – that arrogant Hux creature, the Forceless blasphemer, as Seig sometimes referred to him – but for now he was content with looking.  The knight felt peaceful and calm, as if he was meditating, and relaxed. 

_‘Who are you and what have you done with Seigurd?’_

_‘I am he, Master of Ren, of that I can assure you.’_

_‘Well in any case, you have Hux’s attention.  Is there anything you’d like to say to him?’_

_‘In addition to or apart from how his nipples look like confectionaries?’_

Kylo grimaced and splashed a handful of water into Seigurd’s face.  As he dripped and made no move to wipe off his face or hair, he looked Hux over again, “You like insects?” 

“They’re interesting…” replied Hux, who was still understandably unsettled and a little embarrassed. 

“Does the insect please you?” asked Seigurd. 

“I suppose…” said Hux slowly. 

“I see, the vessel is pleased by insects,” noted Seigurd. 

He still kept on staring. 

_‘That was good, Seig…but you should really stop staring now.’_

_‘Gaius Ren my eyes move as the Force dictates.  If it would have me look at the lovely vessel than I must do as the darkness bids!’_

_‘Wait…Seig, I’m sensing a lot of dark energy…what are you…?’_

It was impossible to ignore the sudden rippling in the bath water or how the surrounding trees shook with a sudden jolt.  Immediately a swarm of butterflies, all flashing green, blacks and brilliant blues flew into the bath area and swirled about, making several laps around the bath before flying upwards and away. 

Seigurd watched Hux, now speechless, as he asked, “Did the insects please you, General?” 

Hux gave a stunned nod. 

“Good.  Being awed and reverent becomes you,” said Seigurd. 

_‘Wow…how did you do that!?  Eleo!  Did you see it!?’_

_‘Yeah Gaius, I saw it…show off…’_

_‘Simple detection and a Force-push.  When that failed I used force suggestion.’_

_‘On a swarm of butterflies!?  Without saying anything!?’_

_‘Small insects are incredibly easy to influence.  Their minds and desires are small and paltry.  Had they been reptiles, amphibians or mammals I would have been required to voice the command.’_

_‘Well, Hux isn’t upset or mad anymore so…good job…I think…’_

_‘Can you teach me to do that?’_

_‘We can practice the techniques later, if you wish.’_

The door to the bath suddenly opened again.  Kylo had been so caught up in the butterflies that he had not noticed Mako approach at all.  He was still tuning himself out of their connection, shutting himself off slightly, but he put on a brave front.  He grinned in his usual way and looked about, “I saw the last of a swarm of painted wings.  Was our brother brazenly displaying his mental fortitude?” 

“Yeah, that was all Seigurd,” said Kylo.  Mako did not answer when he called out with his mind, so he asked out loud, “Are you alright?” 

“As fair as ever I well may be sweet Master.  I did…not expect this encounter to strike such strenuous blows upon my soul…” said Mako as he wandered to the wash area. 

_‘Hey, boss…flowers-for-brains is okay, right?’_

_‘He’s not really projecting and he’s not letting anyone in.  I think he’s still upset.’_

_‘His brother said a lot of…he said a lot of things.  We can’t really expect him to bounce back from that.’_

_‘Right…well…I’ve got grease all over my hands, so I think I should wash up too.  I’ll be with you guys in a minute.’_

_‘Eleo, you’re wearing gloves.  You can’t exactly hide the fact that you’re concerned.’_

_‘Would you mind humouring me and pretending I’m a cold-hearted ass where those two are concerned?’_

_‘If it is your desire for us to do so.’_

Hux set the caterpillar he and Gaius had been studying back on a branch.  He looked over and Mako and instantly seemed to understand that something was off with him.  He called over to him, “I could use your assistance when you’re finished.” 

“My assistance, fair Rose of the Battlefield?” asked Mako. 

“Yes, I can’t reach my back,” lied Hux.  He added, “I’ll return the favor after.” 

_‘B-but…I wanted to…’_

_‘I think Mako needs to though.’_

_‘I know…but…’_

_‘Well, maybe you shouldn’t have talked about licking cream off of him.’_

_‘It was an accident!’_

“T’would be my pleasure, gentle lamb,” said Mako, his smile becoming slightly more genuine. 

Hux was projecting discomfort, but he seemed to take some pride in the fact that he was slowly learning how to comfort people.  He had made quite some progress since his attempt at comforting Kylo by putting his head on his shoulder.  It had been a sweet, if clumsy gesture, but Hux seemed to be getting better at recognizing what other people needed and how they needed to be offered comfort. 

He also seemed to resent being called a lamb, though he was slowly getting used to being called a rose. 

 _‘Could…I have a turn later?’_ Kylo heard Gaius ask Hux telepathically. 

Hux glanced over at Gaius before shrugging, “If you like.” 

 _‘I noticed you don’t give straight yes or no answers very often,’_ noted Gaius. 

“That’s because the Arkanisian language has no words for yes or no.  It’s become something of a planetary verbal tic,” explained Hux, “I had to break myself of that in the Academy though.” 

“But if thou hast no words for yea or nay, how wouldst thou answer when questions make their pose?” asked Mako, approaching the edge of the tub. 

Hux gave a careless shrug, “Rephrasing the question usually.  If you asked if the bath was hot I would say, ‘it is.’  If you asked me if the journey here was tiring I would say, ‘it was.’” 

Mako slipped in behind Hux, “And should the question, ‘Is this a radiant sun or shimmering star I see before me?’ how wouldst thou answer then?” 

Hux flushed bright red and hugged his legs to his chest again, “I’d say ‘get your kriffing eyes checked.’” 

_‘My time for sulking hast drawn to a close, now with his brothers Mako takes repose.’_

_‘Always need a god damned entrance, don’t you poetry-brain?’_

_‘Mako’s tuned back in!?  Ah!’_

The knights let out a collective grunt of pain and Hux started slightly, “What was that!?” 

“Ugh…Hathor must have been monitoring from a distance…he was so surprised that he tripped and faceplant- Ow!  Okay, okay, he gracefully swooned and definitely did not land on his face!” Kylo amended. 

“I’m still mad at you…” murmured Hux.  He shuddered slightly as Mako began running a wash cloth over his back. 

“Not so great is your anger that thou wouldst not have the strength of arm to aid my smallest brother?” asked Mako, summoning a spare cloth to his hand and passing it to Hux over his shoulder. 

“No, I suppose not, come here,” said Hux, motioning for Gaius to sit in front of him. 

_‘Bwahaha!  The dandy fought valiantly!  Truly he is worthy to be called my equal in rank!’_

_‘Ah, my love returns to me anon.  How I’ve pined…’_

“It’s been less than a god damned hour!” 

Eleo burst through the doors so suddenly and so loudly that everyone turned to look.  Hux gasped and turned as soon as he noticed Eleo was not wearing a towel.  He marched to the edge of the pool, glaring down at Mako, his bare feet slapping against the smooth and wet stone tiles as he went.  He crouched and glowered, “You actually made me feel bad for you, so I come all the way out here to make you feel better, then you have the nerve to cheer yourself up!  That’s just kriffing typical…” 

_‘Welcome back asshole.’_

_‘Returning hath given me greatest pleasure.’_

_‘My Mako is not an asshole!’_

_‘Ah, our usual chaos has returned.  How sweet it is.’_

_‘Bwahaha!  Shall we join you brothers!  Between the journey and the dandy’s aggression I have truly become filthy!’_

_‘Yikes…I can feel how sweaty you are on my skin…’_

_‘It’s good to have everyone back, and Hathor…um…about making you bow…’_

_‘You did what was required Master of Ren, forgive my impulsiveness.  Though, promise me that the next person who tells me that this is not a ‘real family’ may have my blade delicately inserted in their chest cavity.’_

_‘Of course.’_

“Eleo could you please either get in the water or put on a towel…” pleaded Hux, using one of his hands as a makeshift blinder. 

“Oh, right, you’ve got hang-ups about seeing other people’s junk,” said Eleo lazily, “Don’t worry, I’m turning around.” 

“I don’t have hang-ups, I just don’t make a habit of looking at other people’s genitals!” protested Hux. 

“Sure…” replied Eleo teasingly. 

“Though, those scars…are they painful?” asked Hux as he returned to washing Gaius’ back. 

_‘Hoo-boy…do I tell him?’_

_‘It’s up to you, really.’_

_‘I’m sure he’ll be fine with it.’_

“Um…a long time ago I needed some surgery.  Our order’s rules state that we can’t have scars removed so others can see our courage and or cowardliness.  So, long story short, the scars had to stay,” explained Eleo, moving to the wash area and scratching the back of his thick and wavy brown hair. 

“Gracious…was it serious?  Did you have some sort of accident?” inquired Hux. 

Eleo stilled.  Hux was alarmed by that but Kylo could feel amusement spilling off of him and filling the bath area with waves of joy and delight.  Eleo slowly began giggling again before he broke into a full on cackle.  His laughter became so loud and so hard that he began to clutch his gut, “Ha ha ha!  Yeah, yeah I guess the whole thing sort of was a big accident!  Ha ha ha ha!  Kriff, General, between you and your boyfriend you’re going to kill me!” 

_‘Eleo Ren at least make an attempt at allowing your laughter to subside.  You’re making all of our muscles ache.’_

_‘Kriff I can’t help it!  Ha ha ha ha!  An accident!  Oh man!  Ha ha!  If only he knew the half of it!’_

_‘Wouldst thou tell him the truth of your nature?’_

_‘Ha ha…heh…personally I don’t think it matters much.  I might, but I don’t think I need to.’_

_‘It’s all your personal pref- E’Chon!  E’Chon, no!  Dammit E’Chon I can still walk!  I didn’t land on my leg you oaf!’_

_‘Behold my brother in arms!  See his worthiness and how his face greeted the earth!  Look upon him and see what a superior warrior he is!’_

_‘E’Chon what the hell!?’_

_‘I sensed your displeasure so I am exalting you!’_

_‘That is not going to fix this!’_

_‘You’re all seriously trying to kill me...ha ha ow…’_

_‘E’Chon is bringing Hathor,’_ Gaius called to Hux, _‘It’ll be all eight of us soon.’_

“Wonderful…” sighed Hux. 

_‘E’Chon I can walk!’_

_‘Dead skin cells and oily hair tremble before him!  Look upon him and know your better!’_

_‘Ugh…’_

_‘Here’s something to cheer you up Priss, get a load of what Kylo said before you guys tuned back in…’_

_‘It was an accident!’_

_‘And it was hilarious.’_

_‘…oh…oh my…N-now Master of heh Ren…ha ha…th-that’s not a very…he…g-good way to…c-compliment…ha heh- him…’_

_‘BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!’_

While Eleo’s laughing had been stifled when he laughed inside the palace, E’Chon’s voice carried loud and high through the air.  Kylo groaned and splashed Eleo when he entered the bath, _‘You’re a jerk.’_

_‘Yes, but I’m your jerk.’_

_‘Give in to your joy Hathor Ren, holding back will do you no great service.  E’Chon gave in.  Look at how happy he is.’_

_‘BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!’_

_‘I-It’s not…tee hee…th-that funny…besides, the poor thing will never learn to flirt properly like this.  If you must make comments Master of Ren, we can show you how it’s done.  Mako, if you would be so kind?’_

Mako sat up slightly and glanced over Hux’s shoulder.  He gave a slight nod before he settled back.  Kylo heard a swirl of adjectives, metaphors, similes and homonyms, measuring out words by beats and figuring out their rhythm.  He hummed to himself as he hunted for the words that pleased him most and gave another nod when he felt he had everything he needed to proceed, 

_‘Upon this pearly snow white chest we find,_

_Soft rounds of flesh by frosty air pulled tight._

_A gentle pink that bring sweet things to mind,_

_For ‘pon that stainless breast they seem most light._

_These velvet tips which-'_

_‘STOP WRITING A SONNET ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND’S NIPPLES!’_

_‘But sweet Master, I hath ten more lines of verse-’_

_‘I’M THE MASTER THE KNIGHTS OF REN AND I AM BANNING NIPPLE SONNETS!’_

Eleo had, once again, lost his mind with laughter and seemed like he might accidentally drown in the bath if this went on much longer.  Kylo kicked out his legs, splashing Mako in the face while accidentally getting Hux and Gaius wet in the process.  Hux looked about as pleased as a wet kitten as he glared over at Kylo.  Kylo in turn pointed at Mako, “He had it coming!  He was-”

Hux’s arms shot up, splashing water over Kylo and Seigurd, “You’re unbelievable!” 

“He started it!” accused Kylo, splashing back. 

Gaius threw up his arms in delight, splashing everyone around him, _‘Water fight!’_

_‘Aquatic battle!  I shall make all haste!  Come Hathor!’_

_‘W-watch out for that doorway!  Stop running!  E’Chon you oaf, stop running dammit!’_

The ‘battle’ teams divide seemed to fall between Hux, Gaius and Mako versus Kylo, Eleo and Seigurd.  Kylo had not been trying to start a fight, but this was harmless enough, and Hux seemed to lose any and all inhibition the moment any sort of challenge was presented.  The General made a valiant effort, even managing to catch Seigurd in a headlock while Gaius mercilessly splashed him.  Kylo kept trying to pin Mako down, which proved surprisingly difficult with his knight’s proficiency in escaping wrist and arm locks.  Eleo proved the least effective in the water fight.  Still in the middle of a laughing fit he barely managed to get a few splashes in, and mostly pointed at Seigurd yowling about how Hux was an, ‘abhorrently alluring Force-null’ and spluttering when Gaius splashed water into his mouth. 

That was, of course, until E’Chon cannonballed into the bath fully armoured with Hathor still slung over his shoulder. 

“I have emerged victorious in the aquatic combat!” declared E’Chon. 

“I am going to kill you!” screeched Hathor, “I am going to shoot you in the head and kill you!” 

“Ha ha ow…ow… ha ha ha…I’m seriously dying…” Eleo groaned out between laughs. 

“I take an hour of personal time and you all start acting like animals!” scolded Hathor, scrambling away from E’Chon and out of the water.  He took off his smooth, polished mask and shook excess water out of it, the usually elaborate and sharp paint around his eyes smudged and running.  He glared at his brothers and Kylo felt himself shrinking back slightly.  Between Hux and Hathor the General had the stronger death glare, but Hathor Ren was a very, very close second.  He fixed his eyes on Hux, “General I expected a little more maturity from you.” 

Hux let go of Seigurd and pointed at Kylo, “He fired the first shots.  I was acting in self defense.  Seigurd was an unfortunate casualty.” 

“It wasn’t me!  Mako started it!” protested Kylo. 

“I don’t care who started it!  I’m finishing it!” yelled Hathor. 

“Nay!  I have already completed the combat and proved myself the victor!” exclaimed E’Chon triumphantly, “And to the victor goes the spoils!” 

_‘We didn’t actually decide on spoils biggest brother…’_

“It matters not!  Oft times a hard won battle is its own reward!” proclaimed E’Chon with an emphatic nod, “And the soft-handed General has finally shed his war tunic!” 

Hux, who seemed to have forgotten that he was naked, slowly ducked back into the water and pulled his legs to his chest.  He looked away as if nothing had happened and tried to ignore everyone else.  E’Chon projected some confusion at that and tilted his masked head to the side. 

_‘I thought he had triumphed over his modesty!’_

_‘He’s not going to change overnight.  I think all things considered he’s doing okay.  I mean, he’s still in here with all of us, and he even put Seig in a headlock.’_

_‘Um..S-Seig…what was…it like…with his arms and against his chest…’_

_‘He was cutting off the oxygen to my brain as Gaius Ren attempted to water-board me.  I found these things more pressing Master of Ren.’_

_‘…’_

_‘It would have been very nice had the General not been trying to kill me.’_

“E’Chon, get out of the bath.  You’re still wearing all of your armour,” called Hathor, who was stripping his own robes and armour away, shaking and wringing them out respectively. 

“I have indeed become wet!” shouted E’Chon happily, slogging his way through the water before pulling himself out, water pouring out of his drenched robes and armour.  He took off his helmet and squeezed excess water from his braided hair before pulling it loose with the Force. 

Hathor sighed, “Just…start washing yourself off and I’ll sort out your hair later.” 

Kylo settled back as things started to calm down again.  Everything was silent, aside from the usual mess of thoughts flying around and distant birds and insects providing a welcome sort of white noise.  He watched Hux squeeze water from his hair, now a dark, almost bloody shade of red due to being drenched.  He glanced at Kylo as he continued, “So is this what things are normally like when you go on missions together.” 

“The bath is new,” replied Kylo. 

“I see…” replied the General. 

Gaius reached up to help Hux wring out his hair, _‘Your whole face looks different when your hair isn’t combed back.  Not in a bad way.  You just look a lot younger.’_

“So I’ve been told,” said Hux, glancing at Kylo.  It was not his first time seeing Hux with his hair down, so to speak.  Gaius was right though.  With his hair freely falling over his forehead and threatening to obstruct his eyes, it took about ten years off of Hux’s appearance. 

 _‘Hux is your last name right?  Do you have a first name?’_  asked Gaius. 

“Of course I do.  Hasn’t Kylo told you?” asked Hux. 

He glanced at Kylo, who in turn looked at each of his knights.  His thoughts betrayed his dilemma and the knights incredulously chorused,

**_‘You don’t know his name!?’_ **

_‘I’ve always called him Hux.  It’s never come up!’_

_‘While knowing the vessel’s given name is not an absolute necessity, one would think after several months of cohabitation…’_

_‘Yikes, between this, the wife thing, and that bit about his nipples, you’re definitely going to be in the dog house.’_

_‘Conquer him and force the name from his lips!’_

_‘E’Chon, honey, no.’_

_‘But-!’_

_‘No.’_

_‘Um, okay, just…maybe admit you don’t know and hope he doesn’t get too mad?’_

Kylo wanted to take the advice, he really did, but what came out was something much different, “Of course I do.  It’s…um…Brendol?” 

Hux wrinkled his nose, “Wrong Hux.  Try again.” 

“Um…well of course I know it’s…you…um…your name…which is definitely…yours and…” Kylo trailed off. 

A crooked smile crossed Hux’s lips, “Do you mean to tell me you had that silly crush on me for a long time, and now you’ve been living with me for months, and you have absolutely no idea what my name is?” 

“N-no!  I know it!  It’s…it’s…aaa…nn…br…” said Kylo, sounding out multiple possible beginnings for names and hoping Hux responded positively to one of them.

Instead, Hux covered his mouth with his hand as his body shook.  He made a few quick, stifled snorting sounds as he tried to cover his laughter.  Eventually it became too much for him and Hux laughed, despite trying to muffle himself with his fingers.  Kylo was slightly stunned by the sound.  Hux did not laugh.  He scoffed, he sneered, he quipped sarcastically, and occasionally let out a loud, single ‘Ha’ that sounded more like a bark than a laugh, but this was the first time he had seen Hux break off into a full on laugh.  He did not have a cute or pretty laugh, Kylo thought he really ought to have anticipated that.  The sound of it was full and deep when he finally let loose though. 

_‘He has a nice laugh.’_

_‘I wish he wasn’t laughing at me, but…yeah, he does.’_

_‘Tis a shame he jealously guards his lips with his hand.  T’would be a pleasure to see those rosy lips part in a gentle smile.’_

“I’m not going to tell you,” said Hux haughtily as soon as he stopped laughing. 

“Wh-what!?” exclaimed Kylo. 

“I’ll give you hints, but I won’t tell you,” explained Hux mischievously, “It’s Arkanisian, and it’s something to do with water.  I’m sure you can figure it out between the seven of you.” 

_‘Gaius, use your secret weapon.’_

_‘My secret weapon?’_

_‘That thing you do with your eyes and lips.’_

_‘Oh, that.  I dunno…it might not work on him.’_

_‘It’ll work, trust me.  Do the thing, Gaius.’_

Kylo grinned confidently as the smallest of his knights moved to face Hux.  Gaius’ ‘secret weapon’ was not a Force technique, or any sort of real technique for that matter, but it was almost as effective as Force persuasion.  The small knight opened his eyes wide, making them appear larger as he looked up at Hux.  He furrowed his brow.  His lower lip started to quiver.  He put his hands on Hux’s knees in supplication and pleaded, _‘Pleeeease?’_

Hux was, as Kylo had anticipated, completely taken aback by this.  Hux’s brow shot so high up his forehead that it seemed for a moment like it would leap clean off of his face.  He looked around for assistance, but only saw the knights giving him smug and somewhat knowing looks. 

Finally the General relented, “My first name is Murtagh.  Alright?  Murtagh Edan Hux.” 

“Meh,” said Eleo, flashing a grin. 

Everyone else cocked their brows at that and Eleo explained, “Your initials spell ‘Meh.’”  The knight gave an exaggeratedly indifferent shrug to drive the point home. 

“And yours spell ‘Er,’” Hux pointed out, making a gesture as if he was nervous or hesitant. 

“It is a strong name!” E’Chon called over, “I approve!” 

“Mer-tah,” Seigured repeated ponderously, “It sounds dark…” 

“It may lend well to creative verse and rhyme,” mused Mako.  He gave it some thought, “A flying beat my heart struck ‘ere I saw, the frosty face and eyes of sweet Murtagh.” 

Hux turned red as a saber and came very close to squeaking, “Never do that again…” 

Kylo was not sure what he had been expecting.  In his mind, Hux was Hux.  His name suited him just fine.  It was a bit like when he saw his knights’ memories and heard Mako being referred to as Shinichiro, or Gaius being called Emme.  It was a toss-up as to whether Eleo being called Celeste or Seigurd going by Jedidiah - Jed for short - was stranger.

He knew Hux’s real name was probably not going to be something soft or sweet sounding.  From what Kylo understood about Hux’s father, his philosophies and his theories on education, he never would have given his son a name that sounded pretty or nice.  Murtagh sounded hard, sharp, like it was exactly the name a soldier ought to have.  Edan sounded a little softer, and didn’t scream masculinity the way Murtagh did.  There was something slightly feminine and wild about it.  Kylo thought he liked Edan better, though the whole name seemed to fit Hux perfectly. 

“It suits you,” said Kylo.  He teasingly added, “I guess I can stop calling you my little airstrike now.” 

“Don’t start that again,” growled Hux, kicking water in Kylo’s direction. 

Hathor, called over his shoulder, “No splashing in the bath or I _will_ come over there!  I’ve had a trying enough day as it is…” 

He trailed off, muttering to himself, and through his lips and eratic, angry thoughts Kylo could see that even in spite of sparring with E’Chon, Hathor was still very angry, reciting every curse and insult he could recall as he thought of the Warlord.  Kylo was far from happy with Hirotomo, but the idea of disappointing his Master by failing their training mission kept him in check. 

“I mean, barring all of the other awful things he said, I can’t understand why anyone would want to almost completely cut themselves off from the rest of the Galaxy.  That’s what happened on Atem and it did nothing but breed ignorance…” grumbled Hathor, “Many of our problems could have been solved if someone shared their knowledge with us.  There were many people who might be alive today if someone had told us blood didn’t sustain the sun and stars.”    

“Though,” said E’Chon, reaching up and touching his brother’s hand as he worked through a particularly stubborn tangle, “Atem is but one case.  On my planet things may have been very different without interference from foreign peoples.” 

Hathor stopped and for a moment his anger crossed into confusion.  He was still angry with the Warlord, his insults and his stance on remaining isolated, but he knew, recalling from E’Chon’s memories, that the large knight had a very valid point.  He swatted the knight’s hand away as he sighed, “Don’t touch it dear, you’ll make it worse.” 

“Should I ask…?” Hux whispered to Kylo. 

“I hear your curiosity through the Master of Ren’s ears!” called E’Chon with a laugh, “It is well!  We must be mysterious to you yet!” 

“If it’s difficult you’re under no obligation to tell me,” said Hux, with slightly flustered feelings coming off of him. 

“Nay, it is well!  The more peoples who hear my tale, more likely the Galaxy is to take heed of it!” called E’Chon, though his voice became slightly quieter as he continued, “My planet, like Hathor’s is what most will call primitive.  We were not consolidated, we had many nations and tribes, and we frequently made war with each other.  When I was very young strangers from a faraway system came to trade with us and teach us their ways.  Our relationship was tumultuous.  They decided their ways were superior and believed we ought to learn them, while we rejected their notions because they were useless when applied to our planet and culture.  There was no war between us and the strangers, though we fought regularly with another tribe who were supported by a different faction than those who visited us.

“It was during that time many of my people became ill.  None of our medicines or healing techniques proved effective.  In a very short time it spread to most of my kinsmen, and when we were weakest, that was when our enemies and their allies struck, killing us and a number of our foreign visitors.  It was a most cowardly and dishonourable act, and it was one that would be doomed to repeat itself.

“I discovered afterwards, travelling as a vagrant through the Galaxy, that the disease that claimed my tribe and spelled our doom, was what you refer to as Cathan Flu.  A common and easily treated illness among yourselves, but one we had no cure for or immunities against.  The sickness spread across the planet, claiming victims from every tribe and nation, leaving them weak and ripe for invasion.  Very few of us still live, and fewer were able to keep our languages and heritage alive.” 

E’Chon turned and glanced back at Hux, “The Warlord was indeed making insults against us.  For that I should have liked to challenge him.  However, I will not fault him for safeguarding his people.  I find him to be a petty man, but a shrewd leader.” 

“You…” Hux began, trying to work through how to phrase his statement, “Your mask has an extra filter, doesn’t it?  That’s why your voice rasps when you wear it.” 

“Indeed it does!” said E’Chon, recovering his usual carefree attitude.  Kylo noticed E’Chon was often quick to recover, though even with the connection it was difficult to tell whether it was because he had made his peace with what had happened, or if he was forcing himself.  “I shall not be defeated by the likes of puny microbes!  Nor shall I dishonour my opponents by infecting them before engaging in combat!” 

“Our medical bay on the Finalizer could probably keep you updated on vaccines, if you were interested,” offered Hux. 

“Yes, this would interest me!  Though…your Stormtrooper Chieftain interests me as well,” admitted E’Chon, “She is a true and noble warrior…so…is she…bound to another already?” 

Eleo whistled, “E’Chon’s got it bad for your Chrome-trooper.” 

 _‘Not many people can toss him around, so it’s always kind of exciting when we meet someone he can have a fair fight with,’_ noted Gaius. 

Kylo noticed Hux seemed taken aback by this and remembered he would not have heard E’Chon’s declaration of love.  He laughed a bit behind his hand as Hux awkwardly replied, “Not to my knowledge, no.” 

“Worry not, General!  My heart is vast enough for you both!  She may be the better fighter, but your presence makes me feel at rest and your flesh is soft and tender!” declared E’Chon. 

Hux turned to Gaius, “I changed my mind.  I am perfectly alright with you having conversations in your head.  I would not mind if I never heard another word of this.” 

Gaius patted Hux on the knee.  Kylo rubbed his own head as he felt Hathor flick the back of E’Chon’s, sending the sensation through the group, “Be nice.  He’s still not used to it.” 

Kylo furrowed his brow, _‘Didn’t you tell Mako to compose that Sonnet about his…you know…’_

_‘Yes, but I didn’t tell him to say it out loud.’_

_‘Was I wrong?  I thought he would be most flattered!’_

_‘Our vessel seems to be a flighty creature indeed…’_

_‘Yeah, like you wouldn’t at least be a little freaked out if someone waltzed up to you and said, ‘Hi Seigurd, your nipples look like gumdrops.’’_

_‘Th-that’s not what I said!’_

_‘You really might as well have…it was pretty bad.’_

_‘…still not what I said…’_

“Gaius, General, you’ve been in there a while.  You’d best get out before you start to prune,” advised Hathor, still combing through E’Chon’s hair with his fingers. 

Hux looked around at the knights and Kylo sensed his apprehension.  He sighed lightly, “Want us to turn around while you get out?” 

“If…you don’t mind,” admitted Hux.  He glanced at Eleo, “Especially that one.” 

Eleo raised his hands in defense, “Hey, I haven’t done anything to your ass this trip!” 

“Yes, _this_ trip…” glowered Hux. 

“Come on, turn around,” said Kylo, signalling for his knights to turn, “By the way, I forgot to tell you earlier.” 

“Hm?” grunted Hux, reaching for a towel. 

“That you’re beautiful,” said Kylo with a grin, “And just a little gullible.” 

Hux rolled his eyes and Kylo turned as he got out of the bath. 

_‘Well done Master of Ren, that was very sweet.’_

_‘Verily, the shortness of the statement rings of sincerity.’_

_‘You are all going to give me diabetes.’_

_‘Bwahaha!  You may conquer the disobedience of your tongue yet!’_

_‘The vessel enjoys this sort of banter?’_

_‘Not banter, flirting.  And I think he does.  He seems pretty happy.’_

_‘…duly noted.’_

“Right, you can turn around, I’m decent again,” called Hux. 

_‘Wait…did he say ‘decent’ or ‘day-cent’?  I’m really starting to think he’s hiding an accent.’_

_‘I’ve been with him for a long time and never noticed one.’_

_‘You also never noticed his name was Murtagh.  I’m willing to bet ten credits he naturally speaks with an Arkanisian accent.’_

_‘I am with the Master of Ren on this matter.  He was clearly raised to speak as if he were from Coruscant.  What you’re hearing is bits of local dialect.  I would match your wager on it.’_

Gaius let out a quiet, but audible laugh as Kylo rolled his eyes.  Hux might have kept his name secret for a long time, but with the number of impassioned speeches he gave and their heated arguments, Kylo was certain if Hux had an accent, he would have heard it by now.  From time to time, on certain, specific words, his pronunciation seemed off by just a touch, but Kylo never gave it much thought.  Hiding an accent for any amount of time, especially with all the talking Hux did seemed improbable.  He was sure he would have noticed something like that by now. 

And when Hux let out a yelp of surprise followed by a string of quiet curses in his usual accent, Kylo felt that more or less clinched it for him. 

“M-Mako?  Is this one of yours…?” asked Hux, gesturing to a naked Heian man who was standing at the entrance of the bath when Hux had opened the door. 

Kylo recognized him as the middle brother in Mako’s family.  Unlike the Warlord who bore only a passing resemblance to Mako, this man was much more like his brother with wild hair and a mischievous glint in his dark, almond shaped eyes.  Mako looked up when he glimpsed his brother in Kylo’s eyes, then turned and called out to him in Heian language, “Ryunosuke!” 

“Shinichiro!” he called back excitedly.  He paused, caught himself slightly before correcting, “Though you’ve returned under a different banner.  Mako Ren, is it?” 

“Aye,” replied Mako with a light shrug.  He felt elated at the acknowledgement though.

“Well, I’ll just leave you all to be naked and incomprehensible together, shall I?” muttered Hux, trying to make his exit. 

“Your companions are…” Ryunosuke trailed off, looking around the bath.  Kylo could appreciate his surprise and curiosity through his other knights.  While he had grown up around many different races and cultures, the other knights, but especially Mako, had rarely encountered someone whose skin and hair was different from theirs before leaving their planet.  Ryunosuke’s eyes eventually settled on the shockingly blond, pale and blue eyed Seigurd, “He’s so white…His hair is yellow…”

The knight gave an acknowledging nod and muttered a soft greeting, “Indeed.” 

“He speaks Heian language!” exclaimed Ryunosuke. 

“My brothers may access my memories and thoughts at their leisure.  Any tongue I speak they may as well,” explained Mako. 

“He speaks it well…” said Ryunosuke, clearly impressed, despite Seigurd having only spoken one word.  He pointed at Hux, “His eyes are _green_!  How are they green!?”  

“I have no idea what’s happening…” muttered Hux.

Mako slipped back into standard language, “This is my kinsman Ryunosuke.  He too marvels at the striking colour of your sea-storm eyes.” 

“Good for him.  May I get dressed now?” asked Hux. 

Mako laughed and reverted back to Heian, “Dear brother, thou doth obstruct the passageway with thy person.” 

Ryunosuke looked about before stepping out of the way.  Hux gave an awkward nod and slipped around him, with Gaius humming a light laugh to himself and following at the General’s heels.  Ryunosuke watched after them until Hux somewhat indignantly shut the door, glaring at Mako’s brother when he did not stop staring.  Ryunosuke turned his attention back to Mako, “Your friend seems…odd.” 

“He speaks not our tongue,” said Mako with another light shrug, “And hails from a land where they doth not bathe with their kin or companions.  I beg your patience with him.”

“Then he was the General,” reasoned Ryunosuke, “And which is the illustrious Master of the Knights of Ren.” 

Illustrious was a new one.  Kylo raised his hand lightly and gave a slight nod.  Ryunosuke’s eyes bulged, “His nose is huge!” 

…so much for illustrious…Hux was not the only one who would require patience…

 

**Bonus:**

 

In Praise of a General's Nipples

A Sonnet by Mako Ren

_Upon this pearly snow white chest we find,_

_Soft rounds of flesh by frosty air pulled tight._

_A gentle pink that bring sweet things to mind,_

_For ‘pon that stainless breast they seem most light._

_These velvet tips which may be soft to touch,_

_Lie veiled behind a modest lily hand._

_These cherry buds that maketh roses blush,_

_When slips that veil to offer views unplanned._

_Forgive the lust that makes itself to gleam,_

_Upon thy breast for the first time made bare._

_How sweet the cerise skin sincerely seems,_

_Since softness draws these sinful eyes to stare._

_Permit my hand to go where eye doth tread,_

_Reclined in kind upon a loving bed._

Translation by Eleo Ren:  "Nice tits.  Let's Bang!" 


	10. Sets of Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise only two more filler chapters before we get to something a bit more meaty... 
> 
> I'm moving, so this is my last upload from my current country of residence :( I'll try to keep weekly updates regular! And as for Seigurd's Earth-culture equivalent...he's from a horror-movie sort of Luddite commune :P
> 
> Ack! And I almost forgot WE HAVE FANART: http://henryk-gurzsky.tumblr.com/post/148696794627/it-was-5-am-when-i-made-this-but-i-had-to-since
> 
> Henryk-gursky drew Gaius and Hux at the onsen. GO CHECK IT OUT!!!

Hux had thought very wrongly that the culture shock would end after the bath. 

It seemed as if the floor, or very low tables was where Heian people conducted almost all of their business.  It felt odd not sitting in a chair or a table, but strangely comfortable.  It was a bit like being a child again, being so close to the floor all the time, though Hux could not recall rolling around on the floor at all when he was young.  At least outside of melee combat practice.  He tried to follow Gaius’ lead, and the other knights as they slowly filed in from the bath. 

One thing that struck Hux as odd though was that the servants would not look him in the eye.  They would not even look in his general direction.  They would look at Gaius, or at least at his armour, but they seemed to be ignoring him altogether.  He thought perhaps it had something to do with rank, and since Gaius wore armour they deferred their attention to him.  However, when the other knights returned Hux began to suspect it had something to do with armour.  Heian’s ruling class seemed to be made up of warriors, so perhaps they were obligated to pay respect to warriors, but not to someone who by all appearances had never been on a battlefield in his life. 

He was also surprised that Mako’s other brother decided to stay.  After the tense meeting with the Warlord and near silence of the servants, Hux expected that all of the people on Heian preferred to mind their own business.  Ryunosuke seemed to be the exact opposite of everyone else.  He was loud, he spoke openly and Hux was not used to it at all.  Even outside the First Order or military functions, he was used to etiquette.  Being around a member of the ruling class who seemed to lack the manners that Hux had observed in everyone else. 

What was worse, he had absolutely no idea what the man was saying. 

And what was even worse than that was he had no idea how to eat with the two stick utensils that had been placed in front of him. 

On the bright side, he was several hours into a mission and nobody had tried to shoot him.  That was nice. 

Gaius patted his hand sympathetically, _‘If we patch you in we can translate for you.  We’ll be able to hear your surface thoughts sometimes, but that’s it.  We won’t patch in your senses if you don’t want us to.’_

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer I’m just…not comfortable with other people in my head,” replied Hux quietly.  He pointed to his temple, “I’m used to this being my space where I can think what I like without repercussion or judgement.” 

 _‘We wouldn’t judge you.  Everyone has mean, weird, or sad thoughts every now and then,’_ Gaius projected back. 

“It takes all I have to filter thoughts I want you to hear and offer them for detection,” said Hux, shaking his head slightly. 

 _‘Then don’t filter.  It’s okay.  It’s us.  The thing about this is we get thoughts and emotions.  If you think something snarky we’ll mostly be able to read your intention.  You don’t have to worry about offending anyone.  And as for weird streams of consciousness…nobody beats Kylo, trust me,’_ assured Gaius. 

“If what comes out of his mouth is anything to go by…” muttered Hux.  He sighed, “Alright, patch me in…but don’t go digging, if you don’t mind.  I really don’t like it.” 

 _‘Of course,’_ Gaius’ voice chirped in his mind, _‘I’m bringing the General in.  Everyone be nice, okay?’_

Hux started as suddenly he could understand what everyone else was saying.  It was not as if he was suddenly hearing the language in standard, or like everyone had suddenly started speaking in standard.  He had perfect command of the Heian language.  It was like a computer not being able to access a file, and then suddenly having the correct software to do so.  All of the sudden his brain could make all of the connections, accessing some other database or processor to allow him to understand what was being said.  On top of that, he was getting images, feelings, instincts that were not his own.  He felt the need to change his posture.  The sticks for eating suddenly had a name and seemed like the most natural things in the world to use at a dinner table.  He felt his mouth shift slightly, not changing shape, but he suddenly knew what he had to do with his tongue, lips and nasal cavities to make the correct sounds. 

_‘This is strange…’_

_‘It’s okay, you get used to it.’_

The knights seemed to be allowing him to access language processes, but it seemed Gaius was still the only one who was going to communicate via thoughts.  Hux wondered if this meant, if the others wanted, they could speak with any of the sparse Arkanisian vocabulary he had, as well as use any of the dialect he had picked up while he had lived on Arkanis. 

He spotted Eleo groan lightly and slip something to Seigurd, who looked smug about whatever it was. 

“Outlanders use a small pitchfork of metal, not hashi?” asked Ryunosuke. 

“Verily, brother,” replied Mako. 

“We have spoons too,” added Hux in Heian, testing his new capacity to use the language.  His pronunciation came out slightly different.  It seemed despite knowing how to make the sounds he needed to develop his own muscle memory to make it sound natural. 

Ryunosuke’s jaw dropped, “He speaks Heian so well!” 

Hux thought he had sounded awful, but he was not about to argue with the man. 

“I thought he was ignorant to Heian language and culture,” noted Ryunosuke. 

“He can’t, but he’s connected to our collective consciousness now, so he’s accessing the part of Mako’s mind that understands and uses languages,” explained Kylo, “Most can’t adjust right away.  He’s been training to get used to the connection.  He’s pretty good at it now.” 

Hux felt that ridiculous giddiness again and Gaius laughed lightly, _‘You really like praise, don’t you?’_

_‘No…I…maybe…’_

Gaius snorted slightly. 

“You must see so many new lands with learned people and wondrous sights,” said Ryunosuke wistfully, “And such lovely young flowers…” 

“Many beauteous blossoms indeed, but you’ll find I claimed the loveliest for myself,” said Mako, leaning against Hathor, who rubbed his nose against Mako’s.

Eleo nudged Seigurd and whispered, “Shoot me.” 

“I don’t like blasters and you know it,” Seigurd mumbled back, “They’re uncivilized.” 

“This sustenance is most curious!” declared E’Chon, “It appears paltry but is very filling indeed!” 

“So you won’t need seconds,” asked Kylo. 

“Let us not make such rash conclusions!” laughed E’Chon, “I shall conquer this bowl of white grain yet!” 

“Are all foreigners this loud?” asked Ryunosuke, gesturing at the large knight. 

“Nay, t’is only our brother E’Chon who commands such…volume,” explained Mako. 

“And are all foreign stalks so fair and bright…” he inquired more quietly, glancing over at Seigurd. 

Mako shot his brother a worried look, “There are many who possess his flaxen tresses…if it is the shade that pleases you, perhaps I might suggest one slightly less…temperamental.” 

“You mean to say your other blond friend might shoot twixt wind and water?” asked Ryunosuke. 

“…I haven’t another blond companion…” said Mako with some confusion. 

“The tall one, the General,” said Ryunosuke. 

Hux, who had only been listening casually and trying to master using the ‘oh-hash-ee’ looked up with a piece of baddered shellfish hanging out of his mouth.  Blond?  He was certainly not blond.  He chewed and swallowed it back before correcting, “I’m not blond.  We call this shade red.” 

“It seems more of an amber,” said the Heian nobleman pensively. 

“That’s the part that bothers you!” said Kylo, slightly hurt.  He projected at Hux, _‘H-Hux…he’s hitting on you!’_

“And I’m not available,” Hux added quickly, turning slightly pinkish.

“Ah, yes, so he’s not…” Ryunosuke trailed off, “In truth I’m not sure I comprehend it, but he is bound to all of you?” 

“After a manner…” said Mako lightly, “T’is a fine thing to attempt at kenning…’

“He’s my lover,” said Kylo quickly, awkwardly, and so desperate to secure his claim that he nearly crushed Gaius in his attempt to throw an arm around Hux. 

“We haven’t gone that far!” protested Hux, turning bright red.  He pushed Kylo back, “That’s hardly talk for the dinner table!  And you’re crushing Gaius!” 

 _‘I’m okay,’_ said the small knight. 

“I wouldn’t crush Gaius!  Besides…you…want to…eventually, right?” asked Kylo. 

“Can we not talk about this now!?” demanded Hux, holding Gaius in front of him like a tiny shield, “Gaius doesn’t talk about sex at the table!” 

“Gaius doesn’t talk!” protested Kylo. 

 _‘He’s got a point there,’_ admitted Gaius. 

“Are all foreigners…” began Ryunosuke. 

“Just them, dear,” said Hathor, holding up a porcelain vessel, ready to pour it out, “Rice wine?” 

Hux grumbled wordlessly about impropriety before returning to his dinner. 

Seigurd arched his brow slightly as he looked over at Mako’s brother, “So you wish to indulge your dark desires?” 

“Well…if…if one were willing to share this indulgence,” said Ryunosuke, slightly taken aback by that. 

“Very well.  However, I must return to commune with my brothers and the vessel.  I can spare you a few hours,” explained Seigurd so casually that Hux nearly choked on his fish again. 

“Does every culture but mine talk about this sort of thing over dinner?” asked Hux nervously. 

“It is as the darkness desires!” exclaimed Seigurd extatically.  He jabbed his ‘o-ha-shee’ at Hux as he raved like a fiery preacher, “One must always yield to the darkness, General!  Allow the hate and lust that fills the universe to flow through you!  To deny it is foolish!  It is the truest path to power!” 

“Here he goes again…” muttered Eleo. 

“Yes but there’s such a thing as table manners,” protested Hux. 

“Manners!?” exclaimed Seigurd, “You dare speak of manners!?  Manners are as much of a lie as peace!  Rules that restrict the darkness and the flow of the universe were made to be defied!  General I beseech you to let go of your propriety and give in to the dark side of the Force!” 

“None of this serves to deter your advances…?” Mako asked his brother curiously. 

“Nay, he is…endearing like this,” said Ryunosuke with a grin on his lips. 

“Your brother has…interesting tastes…” noted Hathor. 

“Must run in the family,” quipped Eleo.  Hathor flicked his ear. 

“I too was once bound by these ‘manners’ and wretched ‘decency,’” explained Seigurd, “My people had a strict code of conduct, shunning any technology or learning that might sway them from their ridged ways of thinking and conduct.  They did not even have knowledge of the Force!  I was forced to defend myself while being tried for witchcraft!  I was made to prove I didn’t weigh the same as a duck!  But did it end there?  No!  Every time I was found having an impure thought I was forced by my parents to spend a night in the tool shed with oven mitts strapped to my hands until my lust had left me!” 

Eleo sniggered and Seigurd glared at him.  The wavy haired knight snickered, “Come on, the thought of you trying to kill your boner in a tool shed while wearing anti-masturbation mitts is a little funny…you think so yourself from time to time.” 

Seigurd growled, “I left as soon as an opportunity presented itself…had I been asked to raise one more barn with the Force, just one more I would have murdered them all and watered the alfalfa fields with their-!” 

“Ooookay, time for grandpa to stop telling his stories,” said Eleo, putting a hand on Seigurd’s shoulder, “You’re gonna scare the kids.” 

“I’m the oldest by a week!” protested Seigurd. 

“But I was enjoying this story!” said E’Chon a little sadly, “We had just reached the part about blood and battle!  Let us regale each other with tales of adventures and woe!” 

“We all know each other’s stories though.  It wouldn’t really be entertaining if we just sat around talking about things we’ve already heard before,” noted Kylo, “Except for Hux and Lord Ryunosuke.”

“Surely the General and the Warlord’s brother have tales of battle as well!” said E’Chon excitedly.

“Ah, you wish to hear a tale of battle?  The Heian Warlords have kept piece for five generations.  There has not been war in Heian for nearly two hundred and fifty years,” said Ryunosuke with a laugh. 

E’Chon frowned slightly at that before looking at Hux expectantly.  The General sighed, “Most of my combat training was simulation based, and I tend to direct battles more often than I fight them.  Besides, being a sniper doesn’t make for very exciting stories.  It’s mostly watching and waiting.” 

As E’Chon continued to frown Hux pondered, “There is an old Arkanisian story though…

“Long ago in ancient times when Arkanis was ruled by High Kings, a war was waged by one of the western kingdoms against the North.  A curse had been set upon the North that none of the men in their country would be able to do battle. They had but one warrior who had escaped the curse on account of his youth.  Being just on the cusp of manhood he had escaped it.  And so the boy, known as The Hound, went out to meet the armies of the West alone.” 

Hux paused before he continued in a perfect deadpan, “And then the battle began.  The Hound outmatched all of his opponents, but in the end he was struck by a spear.  As his enemies regrouped, The Hound realized he was dying.  And so to keep his enemies away as he died he pulled out his own intestines and tied himself to a standing stone.  Which is actually really impractical when you think about it.  It’s difficult enough tying yourself to a structure with a rope.  But considering the amount one would bleed out, not even factoring in shock, it would make it nigh impossible to maintain fine motor skills necessary for knot tying.  Not to mention how difficult it is to properly work human intestines in order to-”

Suddenly Hux felt something smack against the back of his head as Seigurd gave a long wave of his arm, “How dare _you_ mock my dinnertime conduct!” 

“Right, so, Seig and the General are both banned from telling stories at dinner now,” said Eleo. 

“Agreed,” mumbled Hathor, his left eye twitching slightly in horror. 

“Bwahaha!  It is an excellent tale!” said E’Chon, “I especially enjoyed the curses and intestines!” 

 _‘Are all Arkanisian stories that…intense…?’_ asked Gaius. 

“For the most part…” muttered Hux, rubbing the back of his head. 

“U-um…Hux…do you um…want me…it better?” asked Kylo quietly. 

“You have healing powers as well?” asked Hux.  He removed his hand from the back of his head, “It was just a swat.  It hardly requires medical attention.” 

“N-no, I mean…it better…” said Kylo hopefully. 

“You really need to speak up,” said Hux. 

“…k-kiss it better…?” asked Kylo. 

It was amazing how a man who had the audacity to scream out that his nipples looked like sweets and had bizarre sexual fantasies that Hux would rather not think about got so tongue tied when asking for a kiss.  When Hux thought about it though, Kylo usually asked first.  Hux could count the number of occasions Kylo had kissed him without asking his express permission on one hand.  It was incredibly courteous, but Hux had a feeling that Kylo did it more out of fear of taking a misstep than any sort of propriety. 

It was also amazing that he would use such a feeble excuse to kiss him.  Saliva was far from the best thing to improvise as an aid while giving medical assistance.  It may have been a custom where he was from.  All of the knights seemed to come from varied and diverse places.  The only one he had not heard from was Eleo, but Hux was certain if the knight wanted to tell him or felt the information was necessary to impart, he would disclose it.  Still, kissing someone to take pain away seemed like a charming, if childish custom. 

_Too close…you’re too close…_

Hux started and silenced the nagging voice in his mind.  He was enjoying this.  He was learning new things and spending time with people whose company he enjoyed and he was not going to let his inhibitions take that away from him. 

“Alright,” said Hux. 

Kylo grinned before leaning in behind him to kiss the back of his head.  Hux noticed the other knights had paused when he did so and it struck him again that it might have been Kylo kissing him, but six other people could feel his hair and scalp pressed against his lips.  It might have been one set of lips, but in that moment, seven people were kissing him.  It has a hard thing to try to quantify.  Hux had had a few flings in the academy, and a few more as a private before his career made him far too busy for any sort of relationship.  Or so he had thought.  Really he simply had not been a part of a relationship that was worth making the time for. 

That aside, Hux was used to one person.  Him and someone else blindly groping and clumsily kissing in some dark, secret space and hoping they did not get caught and feeling incredibly guilty afterwards.  There was never any real feeling between him and his other partners.  There was mutual attraction and a desire to get urges out of their respective systems, but never anything more than that.  Now there were seven people, who by their own admission were all attracted to him and admired him, all kissing him through one set of lips.  Hux wondered, briefly, what it might be like and what it might mean if he ever took things further with Kylo.  Having sex with one knight would mean having sex with them all.  Even if Kylo was kind enough to ‘tune-out’ during the proceedings, the other knights would eventually come across what they had done in their master’s memories.  Being with Kylo meant he would not be able to have an exclusive relationship.  Six other people would have access to him and Kylo would be privy to all of the knight’s partners and exploits. 

Hux liked Kylo, and he had been taught when these sorts of feelings were involved, two people should give themselves to each other exclusively.  The idea of being in a relationship with Kylo and kissing anyone else in a way that was more than friendly seemed a bit off.  At the same time though, so long as he was kissing one of the other knights, he would be kissing Kylo at the same time.  It was a strange situation to be in, and one that would likely take a long time to properly adjust to. 

“I believe I shall retire.  It was good to see you Shi- Mako,” said Ryunosuke, quickly recovering. 

“And I you goodly brother,” replied Mako, “To hear my name upon your lips has breathed new life into my fainting soul.” 

“It was lovely meeting you,” added Hathor. 

“Then I shall accompany you, and together we shall do the darkness’ bidding!” declared Seigurd, rising to his feet, “I hope you have plenty of rope.” 

“Why does he need rope?” Hux whispered.

“Um…w-well…Hux…s-sometimes when two people um…” Kylo began shyly. 

“Never mind, I’ve decided I don’t want to know…” said Hux before finishing off his tea, “If Lord Ryunosuke is taking his leave, I should like to be disconnected.” 

 _‘Okay, as soon as he calls it a night, I’ll count you down and sever the connection,’_ said Gaius. 

“As…strangely as this even’s course turned…” said Mako, “I am glad that we were indeed well met.  Do give Keiko my deepest affection.” 

Hux arched his brow slightly at that.  Who was Keiko?  Obviously somebody who both Mako and Ryunosuke knew, but what their relationship was to the brothers was a mystery.  With Mako’s language ability still hooked up to his brain, Hux knew it was a woman’s name.  A niece?  An old friend? 

“And the children as well, I assume,” said Ryunosuke with a slight laugh. 

Hux forced himself to keep his expression stoic as everything clicked its way into place. 

From the sound of the conversation Keiko was Ryunosuke’s wife, and he had children.  A man who was married with children was about to…  Such a thing was not unheard of on Arkanis, but it was always spoken of as if it were a horrible thing for a spouse to do.  Hux willed himself to look past it.  This was not his planet.  He could not tell people how to live their lives.  He doubted he would be listened to, or that it would be taken kindly to, especially after Hathor nearly tried to kill their Warlord.  It was none of his business.  If this man wanted to-

“How doth they fare?” asked Mako. 

“They grow as saplings, and thankfully do so in another garden tonight.  I should hate for them to be wanting while their mother and father are engaged…” said Ryunosuke with a slightly embarrassed laugh. 

Hux pretended to drink more tea.  A married couple and a lover.  A married couple and a lover.  A married couple and a lover.  No matter how many times he tried to make sense of it or repeated it, the statement could not work itself out in his brain.  Marriage was supposed to be exclusive, wasn’t it?  But if both partners agreed to bring in a third, it was not being unfaithful, really, but if two people had sworn to only have each other and then there was a third but they both consented to… 

“Do not dwell long on it General.  Allow the notion to flow through naturally and it will become clear to you,” said Seigurd.  He waved his hand and Hux felt something pat him on the top of his head. 

“Is he well?” asked Ryunosuke. 

“Just a bit of culture shock, he’s fine,” said Eleo casually. 

“He shall overcome it!” laughed E’Chon, “As he has overcome many a challenge!” 

Hux wondered if he would ever get over that revelation.  Or if he would ever stop subconsciously wondering what the hell the rope was for and how three people would be involved in that sort of thing from a purely logistical standpoint.  He had theories, but he did not like the sounds of any of them. 

 _‘You’ve really never heard of any of this stuff?’_ asked Gaius. 

“Yes and no…” Hux muttered discreetly.  He’d heard of polygamous arrangements, yes, but never positively.  He’d heard of odd things that people liked to do in closed quarters, but always that they were deviant and ought to be supressed.  He’d heard of them, but he’d never heard of them being taken in stride and treated as something completely normal.  It was strange to think that he was the odd man out in this situation. 

The way the knights made it sound there was nothing wrong with it.  Nobody was getting hurt, everyone had obtained consent, and everyone seemed happy about their various arrangements, but something felt off.  Was this something he would have to get used to?  Would he eventually fall in with their mindset and adapt to it?  What would happen if he didn’t? 

“Good night General, I hope you don’t lose sleep over this,” said Seigurd plainly before rounding on Ryunosuke, “As for you, I sense great desire within you.  It will serve the darkness nicely.  Are you prepared to submit yourself fully to the dark side of the Force?” 

“Is this what they call being seduced by the dark side?” asked Ryunosuke before grinning, “If it is, I think I quite like it.” 

As soon as they left, Hux continued to try to wrap his mind around what just happened and Hathor noted quietly, “Well…your brother is hooking up with Seig.” 

“Verily…” said Mako slowly, “I might have lived without want of that knowledge, but it is not the most uproarious path the night might have taken.” 

“Yeah, I mean, Priss could have killed the Warlord,” said Eleo. 

“Don’t act as if you didn’t want to.  I’m sorry Mako, I know he’s your brother but I really couldn’t take another second,” seethed Hathor. 

“Verily he is of my blood, though that means not that I must stand his slights.  To slay one’s kin is a deed most foul, though not all revenge must be in blood,” said Mako, grinning slyly. 

“Oh?  What are you thinking dearest?” asked Hathor, grinning in kind and arching a well-manicured brow.

“Shit, I know exactly what he’s thinking!  Didn’t need to see that!  Tuning out!  Tuning out!” spluttered Eleo. 

“We’ll be back when we’ve…voiced our contempt,” said Hathor, taking Mako’s arm, “Don’t wait up.” 

“Then we shall retire for the night?  I would volunteer myself as pillow!” said E’Chon gleefully.

 _‘He really likes it when you lie up against him,’_ explained Gaius, tapping Hux on the hand, _‘Oh, wait, hold on, I almost forgot you were connected.  See?  It’s so non-invasive and painless that you barely even notice it.  Okay, three…two…one…there, you’re out.’_  

Hux sat still as something in his mind shifted.  He could recall the Heian language that he had used, as well as a few bits of vocabulary he had glimpsed, but his ability to use the entire language had suddenly left him.  It was strange how moments ago he had encyclopedic knowledge of Heian and was reduced to a handful of words and phrases in a matter of seconds. 

“I…suppose I’ll call it a night,” said Hux, waiting for his brain to adjust to the loss.  If that was just a small amount of the information he could access while connected to the knights, then he could see why they were constantly connected.  Just the ability to have seven different skillsets at one’s disposal would have made the arrangement worth the loss of privacy.  Not that any of the knights seemed to miss the idea of privacy.  It would take a lot of adjustment, and training, but joining in the mental connection was undoubtedly not without its benefits. 

“Usual position?” Kylo asked, reaching up to stroke Hux’s hair. 

“It’s the only one that seems to work with so many people, isn’t it?” replied Hux, “Do you suppose Seigurd will be back at some point during the night?” 

All the knights chorused positive replies, nodding their heads and laughing slightly. 

“I just thought he would be out for most of the…” Hux trailed off. 

“Oh, he’s one kinky bastard, no doubt about that,” laughed Eleo, “But…well…he’ll tell you if he wants you to know.  Just know he'll be back.  He wouldn't miss a concurring session.” 

Hux did not particularly care for that sort of answer, but it seemed to be the only one he would be getting.  He sighed and leaned against Kylo and observing dryly, “Your knights keep breaking my brain.  It’s like you’re all trying to scandalize me…”

“It’s not our fault you’re such a prude,” said Kylo, wrapping an arm around him, “Bed?” 

“Bed,” replied Hux, stifling a yawn. 


	11. Back to Business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I just moved half way around the world and I spent the last week taking care of some family obligations and getting over jetlag. I'm still gonna try to post every week on Sundays, but things will be hectic. Just a heads up.

As it had been predicted, Seigurd had in fact returned at some point during the middle of the night.  Hux woke up to feel him settle in at his usual place by his shoulder and felt fingers comb through his hair.  Hux registered the scent of something vaguely musky before he drifted off again.  He was glad all of the knights seemed to be heavy sleepers.  If one of them had been prone to tossing and shifting this never would have worked out. 

The second time he woke up there seemed to be some activity.  He heard armour being clicked into place and the flutter of robes.  Glancing up briefly Hux saw Mako and Hathor adjusting each other’s armour, checking straps and clips and tugging on plates to make sure everything was properly fitted and supported.  Hux would have moved, but Gaius, Seigurd and Eleo were still more or less on top of him.  He glanced at E’Chon and Kylo, who both seemed to be in a deep sleep.  There was nothing for it but to wait, perhaps sleep for a few more minutes before the other knights decided to get off of him. 

The third time he woke, Hux noticed his position had changed drastically.  He thought he might have noticed if someone moved him, but if the Force had been involved it was possible that the knights could reposition him without waking him.  Hux noticed he was lying on his side facing Kylo.  E’Chon was gone, and so were Gaius and Seigurd.  Just as he was wondering where Eleo had gone, he felt something shift against his rear and settle back against it.  Hux flushed and checked over his shoulder.  Sure enough, the knight was still asleep, resting against his backside like a pillow and snoring lightly. 

The position was a new one for Hux.  He had never shared a bunk in the Academy, and when he lay with Kylo he never did…that.  In fact, he seemed to take care not to touch him anywhere too forward.  Hux willed away his flush as he hissed out, “Kylo…Kylo, wake up…” 

“Hm…?” asked the knight, opening his eyes groggily, “Wha’s wrong…?” 

“Eleo is on my ass,” said Hux, trying not to panic. 

Kylo grinned slightly with a light hum and settled against his pillow, “He is…feels nice…” 

“Wh-what!?  No!  Stop touching that through his face!” Hux whispered insistently, “I need you to get him off of me!” 

“‘s it hurt?” asked Kylo, half-asleep and quizzical. 

“N-no it’s…I don’t…” Hux tapered off.  It was a silly thing to get upset or worked up about.  Nothing awful was being done to him.  Really the whole thing was incredibly silly and was only becoming more ridiculous when Hux made a big deal out of it. 

“Not used to people touching your butt?” asked Kylo, looking at Hux with a strange mix of concern and amusement. 

“No…” admitted Hux. 

“It’s a cute butt,” said Kylo, patting Hux’s hair and cheek, “It takes a lot of self-control to not slap it when you walk away from me.” 

“Kylo…” Hux groaned lightly. 

“But, in all seriousness…do you need me to move him?  Is it uncomfortable?” asked Kylo. 

“He’s…he’s fine.  I just…this is going to take a lot of adjustment…” sighed Hux. 

“Would it bother you if it was me lying against you?” asked Kylo. 

“Yes…or…maybe…I really don’t know,” muttered Hux, trying not to wake the other knight.  He recalled how much Eleo hated mornings.  Hux sighed quietly, “I…it doesn’t hurt.  It’s not unpleasant...” 

Kylo rubbed his cheek against the pillow and hummed, “I hope you get used to it then…it feels really nice.”  He grinned slightly devilishly, “Now I _really_ want to slap it.” 

“You want to slap things that feel nice?  You’re odd,” said Hux, settling against the pillow and closing his eyes, “If he’s not awake in ten minutes, pry him off me so I can get ready.” 

“I will but…um…th-the thing is…you feel really, really nice.  I don’t- don’t want to pressure you or anything, but…we don’t have to…all the way but maybe…more than cuddling and kissing sometime…” suggested Kylo quietly

Hux flushed slightly at that and whispered back, “I’d need to know exactly what I’m getting into and…just us?  It’s not that I don’t like the others, I do but…I’m having a hard time thinking about seven people…” 

It had taken a lot of getting used to, but having the other knights cuddle against him, touch his hair or arms or back gently, or working at his nails was incredibly pleasant.  Still, having all seven of them touching him so intimately was a bit too much too fast.  Perhaps if he got used to it with Kylo he would have an easier time entertaining the idea, but for now it sounded far too intense. 

“Just us then,” said Kylo with a not, “I understand.  And…I know I said some…weird…stuff yesterday but…I liked finally getting to see you.  You’re…you’re really…cute…” 

Hux closed his eyes, still slightly flushed as he admitted, “Not so bad yourself.  I’d kill for muscles like that.” 

Kylo looked over at him with some surprise and flushed slightly, “You…you mean it?  You think I look nice?” 

Hux arched his brow, “Why wouldn’t I?” 

“You know…” Kylo said quietly, “…ears…and moles…” 

Hux opened his eyes again and gave Kylo a serious look, “Cartilage and melanocytes.  I don’t care.” 

“You don’t?” asked Kylo, “It’s just that you’re…”  He gestured to Hux, waving his hand to gesture around his face before doing the same thing to himself, “And I’m…” 

“I’m sure you heard what I told Gaius, but I’ll say it again for the last time.  I’m not bothered by any of that, so stop making me repeat myself,” said Hux, sounding sterner than he intended.  It was the same sort of tone his father had taken with him when he had said or done something overly silly like jumping in puddles or mashing up his food to make sculptures and pictures with it.  Brendol Hux had been particularly unimpressed when his son unveiled a mashed potato likeness of Emperor Palpatine.  ‘For goodness’ sakes…Murtagh, if you want to build something, that’s wonderful, but stop playing with your food.’ 

“People used to comment on them a lot when I was a kid.  They were joking, and when I got a bit older I could sense that they were just trying to be funny and friendly, but I never liked it,” said Kylo with a slight sigh.   

“I used to get that for my hair.  I’d say ‘don’t let it bother you,’ or ‘they’re just words,’ but that doesn’t seem to work for you or Gaius,” sighed Hux.  He reached out and worked at a tangle he had spotted in Kylo’s hair.  He had seen it a few moments earlier and it was starting to bother him, “For what it’s worth, I really don’t care about those sorts of things.” 

“Explains why you used to wash with hand soap…” muttered Kylo, “I’m going to clean up.  I’ll give him another five minutes before giving him a dream-smacking.” 

Hux furrowed his brow, “Dream-smacking?” 

“Oh, yeah, with the Force you can access a person’s subconscious, so if someone needs a wakeup call, we just enter their dream and giving them a light slap, or tickle them, or just do something really jarring to wake them up,” said Kylo, rolling away and getting to his feet, “We call it dream-smacking.  Seigurd started it, but Gaius named it.  Anyways, I’m going to get cleaned up.” 

“Remind me never to oversleep around any of you…” murmured Hux.  So the knights could enter people’s dreams.  That sounded unnerving, but fascinating.  It opened up a whole new realm of possibilities in terms of psycho-analysis.  Why ask someone to monitor their dreams or try to figure out their subconscious when a person could simply enter their dreams and have a look around at how a person’s mind decompressed and reorganized itself?  He was surprised the only use the Knights of Ren seemed to have for the ability was a glorified alarm clock. 

And yet, somehow, Hux was not terribly surprised. 

 

   ***  

 

Kylo looked about as his knights prepared to leave.  Eleo was still projecting irritation, despite washing and having several cups of caf.  Seigurd was…Seigurd...his energy flowed around him naturally, melding with everything about it in a well-practiced and somehow completely organic sort of way.  He seemed happy enough though, patting Hux on the head and telling him he had been a very good vessel and he was pleased that his mind was still intact.  Hathor felt smug, very happy about what he and Mako had done mere meters away from the Warlord’s bedchambers, though Mako was starting to have some slight regrets about the action.  Hirotomo was not the only person who slept in that wing and Mako was worried he had bothered someone who had not deserved it. 

Gaius was already sitting in the transport, psyching himself up.  He was projecting nothing but nerves, worried that his lacking ability to use the Force would be a hindrance.  E’Chon was beside him, feeling like a giant ball of excitement, happy to be facing a challenge.  He patted Gaius’ helmet reassuringly and hoped the others would hurry. 

It seemed they would be a few moments yet.  The head guard arrived, ready to take them to their shuttle, with Ryunosuke and his wife in tow.  Hux immediately looked away.  Kylo overheard him recalling the instruction that he was not to look at any women, and heard the head guard think something similar when he caught a glimpse of Hux’s hair flashing.  The guard approached Kylo and passed him the hat Hux had worn the day before, “He needs to be covered so as not to cause alarm.  I beg your understanding, Master of Ren.” 

Kylo resisted the urge to sigh.  They would have to get Hux a mask or helmet or something in case this sort of thing ever happened again.  Searching Mako’s memory he knew it was a covering that high ranking ladies used to avoid having their skin damaged by the sun, in addition to preserving modesty.  If Hux knew he was being forced to wear a women’s garment he would have been livid.  The General was incredibly fussy when it came to his masculinity, and Kylo suspected it had something to do with having such a slight and delicate appearance, as if it was something he had to make up for. 

“Hux,” Kylo called over, waving the hat.  Hux sighed as he approached, taking the hat and sorting out the screen that draped around it.  He was projecting irritation and resignation.  He disliked wearing it, but it was a small price to pay for the massive exceptions that had been made on his account. 

He felt a pair of arms wrap around him and mentally searched for the source.  He saw Ryunosuke wrapping his arms around Mako and giving him two firm pats on the back.  It was an incredibly rare gesture in Heian culture, being given such an emotionally charged touch in front of a group of bystanders.  He could feel Mako’s surprise and overwhelming gratitude for the gesture as he said, “Return with the winds of misfortune far behind you.” 

“Verily I will endeavor to do so,” said Mako, hugging back eagerly.  He lingered a moment before pulling away.  He did not want to, but he had to.  The Living Temple awaited them and they would be departing soon.  He did not want to leave just yet.  He did not want to leave with the place feeling so…somber. 

It always amazing Kylo when Forceless people managed to pick up on the emotions of others.  With just Mako’s modulated tone and his body language his brother seemed to be able to tell exactly what he needed.  He grinned slightly, “Bring your friend back too.  He was amazing.  We did _everything_.”

“I am…endeavouring not to think upon it…” said Mako awkwardly. 

“He is most welcome to return,” added Keiko.  She had a slight, polite sort of smile with oceans of mischief glittering in her eyes, “It is rare that we find a companion who is so-”

“V-verily…” said Mako awkwardly. 

“It seems your nerve is as impermanent as spring blossoms.  We heard your boldness mere paltry hours ago,” teased Keiko. 

Ryunosuke grinned, “We hope you recover that boldness soon.  Otherwise you may make anxious your companions and…forgive me, foreign names are difficult.” 

“Hathor, brother of my heart and brightest among the stars,” said Mako. 

His brother furrowed his brow and pointed at Hux, “I thought that one was Hathor.”

“Nay, he is called Hux, and seldom times Murtagh,” explained Mako. 

Ryunosuke’s thoughts were a jumble of names and faces as he tried to attach the strange names to the stranger features.  He remembered Seigurd and Kylo, but the others were confused and mismatched in his mind.  He shrugged, “It is a difficult sound though…that ‘th’.  I will endeavor to master it by the time you return. 

 _You will return_ , Kylo heard in his thoughts.  The sentiment was mostly for a successful mission and safe return, but it seemed this brother, like the eldest, also had a small hope that Mako might stay, at least for a little while, before they had to part again.  Mako must have heard as well and Kylo felt a sad sort of smile cross his lips.  Kylo understood his brother’s pain well enough and sent him feelings of understanding and comfort.  Mako was not quite so torn.  He loved Heian and his blood-family, but his future was not here.  He felt a call to be something more meaningful than the third brother and fighter who was scared of his own armour.  The call showed him beauty beyond his homeworld and Mako had leapt at the chance to find it.  He regretted nothing. 

Kylo on the other hand…

“So, is this hat stupid, or is it just me who thinks that?” asked Hux, giving Kylo a slight hip-check. 

“No, it’s stupid, and as soon as we have the chance, we’re making you your own mask,” replied Kylo, shoving him lightly in return. 

“I thought I wasn’t allowed one,” said Hux. 

“Technically no, but Qu- vessels have never accompanied the Knights of Ren into battle before.  Might be time to start a new tradition,” said Kylo.

“What’s wrong with my tactical gear?” asked Hux. 

There was absolutely nothing wrong with the General’s tactical gear.  It seemed very practical.  There were lots of pockets and pouches, as well as holsters for a set of blasters.  He had an armoured vest as well as his upper and forearms, though most of that was covered by the shroud on the hat.  It was exactly the sort of thing an objectively minded person would wear for protection and functionality into unknown territory. 

And the pants fit Hux’s butt just right, and there was no tunic to block it from view. 

“Nothing.  Looks good.  Really intimidating.  You should wear it more often,” said Kylo quickly. 

_‘He’s so cute…he’s so cute I’m going to die…’_

_‘He’s gotten very good at distracting you Master of Ren, I’m impressed.’_

_‘I’m surprised you’re not with Mako right now.’_

_‘He’s…where he needs to be I think.’_

_‘Is my presence required?  I shall fly anon-‘_

_‘You’re fine, love.  Take your time.’_

_‘Um…we’re leaving soon though, right?  Really leaving…’_

_‘Worry not smallest brother!  I disapprove of ghosts, but I shall conquer even the undead to prevent harm from befalling you!’_

_‘I just don’t want to hold you guys up.  If it tests our Force abilities…’_

_‘All shall be as the Force decides.  Allow yourself to worry, but do not wallow in it.  Surely the darkness is with us.’_

_‘But you know what’s not with us?  Caf.  Why didn’t I bring more caf?  Why…?’_

_‘I think there’s caf on the shuttle.’_

_‘Indeed there is!’_

_‘Oh thank the Maker…Can I just sleep all the way there?  Do you think Red will let me use his ass as a pillow again?’_

**_‘Red?’_ **

_‘Yeah, why not?  I have nicknames for the rest of you.  I don’t think he’d appreciate ‘meh’.’_

_‘The colour suits him, and not just because of his hair.’_

_‘I like calling him an airstrike though.’_

_‘You call him what you like and I’ll call him what I like…’_

“Alright Red, get that sweet ass in gear.  Time to go,” said Eleo, his voice slightly gruff from lingering morning fatigue as he gave Hux’s backside a firm slap. 

Hux gasped and whirled around, glaring through the shroud.  He growled lowly, “One of these days…I’m going to figure out a way to rig a pressure sensitive trap into the seat of my pants.” 

“But until that day arrives…” said Eleo, cracking his first grin of the morning, “Consider it a compliment?” 

“I’m going to ‘compliment’ you all over your face…” Hux grumbled to himself as he made his way to the transport, taking care to stay behind Eleo at all times. 

 

   ***  

 

The ride to the shuttle and the consequent journey to the temple was a quiet one, at least verbally.  The knights barely spoke to each other at all.  Hux supposed they were either communing or meditating, which was fine.  Everyone had their own pre-mission rituals, things they did to mentally prepare themselves for danger.  Hux recalled several cadets and comrades having ‘good luck’ rituals that they felt would keep them safe if they performed them before a battle.  Others did exercises or looked over their equipment to take their minds off of what could be their impending death. 

Hux was in the latter camp.  Having something to do with his hands and his mind helped take his mind off of things, and making sure everything was in its best possible condition was a practical thing to do.  He checked over his helmet, making sure all of the devices near the visor were functioning correctly, one by one.  He adjusted his boots and tactical vest, making sure the fit was comfortable and left him with enough freedom of movement.  He checked over his weapons, making sure there would be minimal chances of malfunction.  He performed the tasks slow and systematically, one by one.  Eleo Ren seemed to be doing the same thing, and his arsenal, Hux had to admit, was certainly impressive.  It was hard to believe he could even carry so many weapons on his body. 

Seigurd appeared to be meditating with Kylo.  Hux had once scoffed at the idea of violent, impulsive Kylo Ren doing something that seemed so serene, but it came to him much more naturally than Hux had anticipated.  So much so that it was no longer shocking for him to walk in on Kylo while he was in some sort of trance. 

It was hard to tell what Mako and Hathor were doing.  They were probably speaking with each other with their thoughts, but with their masks on it was hard to tell what they might have been feeling or thinking.  Mako was probably not enjoying the shuttle ride with his claustrophobia though.  Hux wondered what he did to make himself ready for a fight when his feelings were all out of sorts due to his fears.  He was sure Hathor knew how to handle it though, and if the knight wanted help calming Mako down, he would ask for it. 

Gaius seemed to be having the worst go of it.  Even with his armour and robes on, Hux could tell he was shaking as he sat beside E’Chon.  He seemed to be nothing but a little bundle of nerves.  Hux was used to seeing that, but usually from green units who were seeing simulations or real combat for the first time.  This was certainly not Gaius’ first battle though.  It was probably the Temple that was doing it to him.  Hux had to admit, a building that was alive, could read minds, and was going to prepare challenges tailored specifically to assault their minds and senses was not going to be pleasant.  Perhaps Gaius was more than able and willing to go into regular combat, but the idea of being tested so intimately must have been a frightening one.  E’Chon put a large hand on Gaius’ head and kept it there, causing the small knight to stop his shaking, if only slightly. 

Hux thought about what he had read of survivor’s accounts and interviews regarding the Living Temple.  Very few had discussed the nature of their challenges, which was hardly surprising.  If they were tailored to a person’s trauma or weaknesses, it was likely that they would not want to speak of them.  However, as they spent more and more time in the Temple, it had more time to study them and challenges became increasingly difficult.  The best scenario Hux felt he could hope for was that they would get through each challenge quickly and give the Temple as little time to familiarize itself with them as possible.  If they could manage each challenge quickly, it would greatly increase their chances of success.

 _‘Would it even let me through though,’_ Hux thought to himself.  If any of the challenges were designed to test one’s capacity to use the Force, he would almost certainly fail.  Seigurd also seemed to think the Temple would make a target of him, having no Force related abilities and having the arrogance to think he might stand a chance against the ghosts of the Sith.  It was not an unreasonable assumption to make, and one he would likely have to prepare himself for.  It was entirely possible that the Temple might use some mystical power or other to completely bar him from entering. 

Hux opened one of the pouches on his vest, “Would you mind taking one of these?”

He held out seven com devices as the knights looked on.  He sighed, “If it doesn’t let me in, or something happens and we get separated, I’ll need a way to contact you.” 

Seigurd cocked his brow as he examined it, “If you are concerned about losing contact, you may commune with us.” 

“That takes a lot out of me,” said Hux, shaking his head slightly, “I can manage it for one, maybe two engagements before it becomes overwhelming, and in the heat of a skirmish you won’t be able to keep the connection’s intensity levels low.  With this I can talk to you all without overwhelming myself.” 

“He has a point,” Hathor called from the cockpit, “Best save his strength for when he needs it.” 

Gaius reached out and tapped Hux’s gloved hand, _‘I can’t talk though.’_

“There’s a code.  I’ll teach…no, probably more efficient if I let you all have a look in my head and see for yourself,” said Hux, somewhat begrudgingly, “It’s a code made up of tapping sounds. If you tap your finger on the receiver then I’ll be able to understand.” 

 _‘I can do that then…’_ replied Gaius, taking one of the devices and fitting it to the collar of his robes.  He reached out and took Hux’s arm, pausing for a few moments before he began tapping the device with a mix of quick and long touches. 

Hux looked at the others, “Did everyone catch that?” 

“He didst say it was a quizzical thing, but one he felt adept to learn,” replied Mako. 

Hux cringed slightly at the idea of all seven of the knights rooting through his mind, but reminded himself they were just going through basic knowledge, specifically language.  There was nothing private or sensitive about that.  There was nothing wrong with letting seven people have access to a part of himself that was usually his own and he had the natural compulsion to protect from outsiders.  This was fine.  He could be fine with this… 

“Yes, but be fine with it on your own.  You shouldn’t _make_ yourself fine with it.  That’s not the point,” chided Kylo, accepting one of the coms and fitting it to himself. 

Seigurd had said something similar when he had offered to kiss him on the cheek.  It was clear that the knights wanted him to be more open with them, but it seemed they did not want that openness to be forced or coerced in any way.  Something about their connection required it to be natural, and consequentially consensual.  Hux supposed it might be difficult to feel relaxed, contented and at ease with the universe if someone was constantly screaming their discomfort and humiliation into their consciousness. 

“Says the man reading my mind…” observed Hux dryly as he passed out the coms.  He stopped at Seigurd who looked at the device suspiciously.  Hux sighed, “Look I know you prefer using the Force over technology, but if you wouldn’t mind doing it for my sake.” 

“My preference is irrelevant…though you are correct, the Force is far superior to any of this,” Seigurd grumbled slightly, looking at the com with some disdain before admitting, “I’ve observed my brothers using them, and I am familiar enough with it, but I’ve never used such a thing before.” 

Hux recalled using Mako’s speaking ability and understood.  Seigurd might have the knowledge of how to use a com, and probably a good deal of technical information since he was connected to Eleo, but it was a different matter when trying to apply that knowledge.  Hux had a complete, encyclopedic knowledge of the Heian language, but his pronunciation had been awful because he had not been used to using it. 

“But you’ll take one?” asked Hux. 

“It is…strange, but if it is for your comfort I will permit it,” replied Seigurd.

“Right,” said Hux, beginning to fit the device to Seigurd’s collar under his robes, “We’ll try a few exercises.  The button that opens the channel so you can speak is near the one closest to the receiver.  Wait a moment before speaking so others can open their channel.  If you someone reply, that means the channel has been opened and you’ll be able to communicate.  Let’s give it a try then.” 

“You aren’t wearing one,” observed Seigurd. 

Hux touched the side of his helmet, “It’s fitted in here.  Ready to try it?” 

Seigurd reached for the comlink and fumbled for the button for a moment or two before pressing it.  All of the coms made a noise.  Hux touched his and spoke evenly, clearly, “This is General Hux.  Go ahead.” 

Seigurd paused for a moment, listening to Hux’s voice coming from his mouth and slightly warped from the device at his collar.  He leaned down and spoke a little more loudly than necessary, “So it’s on then?” 

“Yes, it’s on…” said Hux, flinching slightly, “Speaking at your usual volume is fine.  It will pick up your voice.” 

“It is indeed good to have a contingency plan!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

Hux gripped the sides of his helmet before gasping, “Volume!  Please!  Mine is right next to my ear!” 

“Ah, my apologies,” said E’Chon, reaching over and patting the top of Hux’s head. 

Hux heard a tone come from his com and opened the channel, “This is General Hux, go ahead.” 

“This is Seigurd Ren…” said the knight, speaking into the com a little more naturally this time.  He paused for a moment and then said, “Salutations.” 

“Hello yourself,” said Hux dryly. 

“Grandpa’s finally leaning to use a com.  That’s precious,” teased Eleo, speaking into his own comlink. 

“Don’t make me come back there again, you two,” warned Hathor from the cockpit. 

“So, we may commune this way,” observed Seigurd. 

“We can,” replied Hux. 

Seigurd paused for a moment before stating, “I prefer other means of communion.  Perhaps we might attempt them.” 

Gaius began tapping his com, the sound slightly incredulous as Hux deciphered the coded message, _‘Did you just try to use a pickup line?’_

“I was moved to it by the darkness!” said Seigurd defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You want to…do that cuddling thing before the mission?” asked Hux.  He looked about, “How many of the rest of you…” 

All of the knights slowly began raising their hands and Hux sighed.  He removed his helmet and carefully set it aside.  If this was a pre-battle ritual than he did not want to interfere with it.  He knew how important they were for morale, and a fight could end before it started if someone went in feeling unprepared or somehow jinxed.  Besides, he did like the knights, he enjoyed the physical contact and emotional experience, but there was still something.  That nagging doubt.  That little voice that popped into his head and told him he was getting too close, making himself too vulnerable. 

“Where do you want me?” asked Hux. 

“Probably sitting in E’Chon’s lap is best,” said Kylo, “We’ll settle in around you.  Um…thanks…for this…if it’s weird you don’t have to…” 

“This is part of why you brought me, isn’t it?  I knew that when I chose to involve myself, and I don’t mind,” said Hux, letting the largest knight help him settle in. 

“We’re close to the Temple.  Mako’s taking us down,” reported Hathor, “Do you think it would be alright to take a few minutes to…gather ourselves before entering?” 

“I think it would be best.  We can open the doors for Mako as well,” said Kylo. 

Mako let out an audible sigh of relief and punched in the command to open all of the doors, sending fresh air through the shuttle.  Hux wondered at the strange pre-battle ritual as he settled against E’Chon and felt a large hand stroking his hair.  He was used to psyching oneself up for a fight being a solitary exercise.  The idea of involving another person was strange to him, but Hux was sure there must have been people who craved contact before a battle, if jokes about not wanting to die a virgin were to be believed. 

He felt the knights begin to settle in around him, beside E’Chon or by his legs or in front of him and felt hands touching him gently.  Hux closed his eyes and rested against the E’Chon’s shoulder.  His first time doing this it had been overwhelming, but now used to it he found himself increasingly enjoying it.  He had felt strange at first, not used to the levels of attention or affection involved, but now he was coming to like it for exactly those reasons.  He liked being appreciated and doted on.  It was more than being the center of attention, he was almost immune to being thrilled by that due to his rank and position.  The idea of being liked simply for being himself was more comforting than anything Hux had known in his life and he was slowly becoming more open to the idea.  It had felt awkward accepting so much attention that he had done nothing to deserve at first, but the more it happened the more he could allow it to happen without feeling undeserving of the attention. 

“Feeling okay?” asked Kylo.  His voice was coming from his usual face in front of Hux, and the General recognized the unmistakable feeling of Kylo’s hand on his cheek. 

He nodded slightly and affirmed, “It’s fine.  It feels nice.” 

He felt Gaius shaking next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.  He was less overwhelmed than the first few times and could now manage reciprocating slightly.  For a few moments he wished he had some Force-sensitivity.  If he could send out his feelings like the others perhaps he might succeed in calming the small knight down.  He was sure the others were doing all they could, but for a few moments Hux caught himself feeling a little jealous of their abilities. 

 _‘This collective of ours would hardly be as effective if we were homogenous,_ ’ Gaius reminded him gently, recovering slightly. 

Hux could hardly argue with the knight when he was quoting him almost verbatim. 


	12. Under Pressure Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At my Grandpa's house for a visit, but grandpa has no wifi...so I'm at the local Tim Hortens stealing their internet. Hopefully this uploads okay!!!

Hux was used to certain procedures before entering an unknown area.  First scouts and recon units were sent out to survey the area and map out enemy positions.  Then time was taken to formulate a strategy before the engagement began.  It was a slow process, but it made sure that the best information was had before taking unnecessary, uncalculated risks against unknown numbers in strange territory. 

The Knights of Ren simply walked into the Temple without a second thought. 

“Are you sure we should just walk in?” Hux muttered as he followed after Kylo. 

“It knows we’re here.  If it was going to ambush us, it would have done so the second we walked in.  Can’t you feel it calling?  It’s strong enough that you should be able to feel it,” said Kylo. 

Hux could feel something, but it was not a call or an invitation.  It was the sort of feeling he had when he was a small child and had to get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or get a glass of water.  It was that feeling of stumbling around in the dark in a place that ought to have felt safe and familiar but was turned sinister by the lack of light.  It was a feeling that had compelled him to run back into bed and hide under the blankets because his safe, secured home, located on a military compound, suddenly felt like it was full of monsters watching, waiting to snatch him up.  Hux had not felt this sort of feeling since he was six or seven at most, but he could remember it well enough.  It seemed Seigurd was right, the Temple definitely tried to keep non-Force-sensitives away. 

“I don’t feel that.  It’s…eerie,” said Hux, trying to put the feeling into words, “Like I’m being watched.” 

“I think it’s doing both,” observed Hathor, looking about as they descended down a set of stone steps into the dark.  Hux switched the light attached to his helmet on so he could look about.  The inside was made of stone bricks, nothing decorative at all, just a long climb down into the darkness.  Hathor continued, “It’s definitely calling, but it feels…mocking.  Like it’s daring us.” 

Hux felt a finger curl around his smallest finger and heard Gaius voice, ‘I don’t like it…’ 

Hux considered replying, ‘none of us do,’ but wondered if the Temple would take it as a provocation.  Was it listening?  Was it already in their heads and trying to figure out how to pick them apart?  The air began to cool and felt a bit more moist than usual.  Finally the descent ended, leaving them in a large empty hall.  Hux looked about, and finding two glowing lights illuminating the hall, switched his torchlight off.  The only decorations were a set of large, glowing columns on either side of the room.  It felt like an austere sort of place, but hardly a dangerous one.  It was just a large, empty room.  If it was a challenge, Hux did not understand how it might test them. 

“The path continues o’er yonder,” said Mako, pointing at the other side of the room. 

“Doesn’t seem like this place is trapped either,” observed Eleo, “See anything, Red?” 

“No, strangely enough,” said Hux.  If this had been his base of operations, he would have laid multiple traps. 

“I’m unable to detect anything living in this place,” said Seigurd. 

“Then…you detect the undead?” asked E’Chon, more quietly than usual. 

“Some, though they do not seem malevolent.  They are passive, perhaps simply observing for now.  I’m sure they would become more obvious if they were hostile towards us, E’Chon Ren,” said Seigurd. 

“I do not approve of ghosts…” muttered E’Chon. 

“This is too easy.  There has to be something,” said Kylo.  He moved forward, putting a hand out in front of him. 

Suddenly he stumbled, pulling himself back before he fell over.  Hux found himself moving forward without thinking to try to catch him.  Kylo wound up catching him instead and pulling him as me moved back, “Don’t go out there!  There’s pressure…” 

“Pressure?” asked Hux. 

Hathor approached where Kylo had been standing and cautiously put his hand out.  It suddenly made a sweep downwards as if something had slapped his wrist.  “He’s right.  This room is…it basically feels like someone’s using a continuous Force-push.”  He raised his hand again and held it in place, “It seems like we can move forward if we push back on it.” 

Gaius took a slight step backwards and Hux furrowed his brow.  So the Temple was attacking what it perceived as the weak links, though whether this was his or Gaius’ challenge, Hux had no idea. 

“It shouldn’t be a problem,” said Hathor, reaching out towards Gaius, “If we work together we’ll be able to get everyone- Ah!” 

Hathor suddenly cried out and doubled over, bringing the other knights with him as they all hissed in pain.  Hux looked about, not knowing what exactly to do as the knights slowly recovered.  Mako was at Hathor’s side in an instant, “Brother of my heart?  What’s happened?  What ails you?”

“I…It shocked me…” said Hathor, rising up again.  He looked about for a moment before saying more smoothly, “I was going to surround Gaius with the Force, but then I felt a shock.  Like the ones we use to stop each other but…worse.” 

“I thought that’s what it felt like,” grumbled Eleo, “So it’s making us do this alone…this is going to suck…” 

“Hux can’t use the Force at all though,” said Kylo, “If someone doesn’t help him he can’t cross.” 

Hux looked about the room and glared at it, “It thinks it can keep me out, does it?”  He reached for the grappling gun at his hip, “We’ll see about that.” 

“Hux, what are you doing?” asked Kylo.  He watched Hux take aim high at the other side of the room and exclaimed, “Don’t do anything stupid!” 

“The situation is under control,” said Hux evenly as he fired the weapon.  As expected, the pressure forced it downwards, but it still managed to hit the other side of the room at about knee height.    

The second it pierced the stone wall on the other side, Hux pressed the recoil trigger and braced himself.  As the metal cord retracted itself into the Gun, pulling Hux along, he was immediately forced to the floor.  The pressure was almost suffocating, like someone had suddenly draped a hundred pound blanket over his body.  He snarled as his body was pressed into the stone floor and scrapped along it as his gun dragged him forwards.  It felt like holding onto the back of a ground transport with someone latched to his back.  His arm muscles and hands burned as he tried to keep his hold.  If he let go he would be trapped in the middle of the hall. 

Hux suddenly felt the pressure leave and barely had time to throw his hands up to protect himself as he crashed into the wall.  He took a moment to collect himself as he lay on the ground, his whole body aching from being dragged and pressed.  He managed to get to his knees before he noticed Kylo, already halfway across the room shouting at him, “Hux!  Hux!?  Are you okay!?” 

“I’m alright,” Hux called, pressing a hand on the wall to steady himself as he got to his feet.  He could already feel where bruises were bound to form on his legs and chest. 

Kylo sighed with relief and slumped over slightly, his distress no longer giving him an extra boost in energy, “Good…just…stay there, I’m coming to get you.” 

Hux nodded and waved slightly as he shook.  That had hurt a lot more than he had expected it to.  He took some time as he calmed down to look around the area.  He approached the entrance, inching forward with one durasteel-toed boot sliding along the floor in front of him.  Hux continued inching until he could feel the boot pressing in around his foot and called out, “It stops here.”  He looked down at the grappling gun and checked the measurement history, “It’s about twenty meters…”  He checked his equipment.  He did not have anything that measured pressure.  He ought to have brought a dive computer.

He looked up and saw Seigurd also crossing the room, an oddly determined look in his eye as he worked his way over at a quick march.  Hux watched with surprise as he managed to overtake Kylo, whatever was bothering him seeming to spur him on.  He finished crossing, marched right up to Hux and cuffed him firmly on the back of the helmet. 

“Can you not manage a whole day without blaspheming against the Force!?” demanded Seigurd, “Ignorance is one matter!  Shooting a sacred Temple enshrining the spirits of Sith Masters is another!” 

“How else was I going to get across!?” snapped Hux. 

“I haven’t an answer for that at the moment, but until one comes to me,” growled Seigurd, seizing Hux by the collar and giving him a shake with each syllable, “Do.  Not.  Shoot.  The.  Temple!” 

“Seig!  Seigurd, stop!” Kylo called, finally crossing the room and prying them apart, “He didn’t know, alright?” 

“He shot the Living Temple!” exclaimed Seigurd. 

Kylo sighed, “Hux…apologize to the Temple for shooting it.” 

“What!?” exclaimed Hux. 

“It’s alive and you shot it.  Say you’re sorry,” instructed Kylo. 

Hux looked from Seigurd, who was fuming, to Kylo, who seemed very awkward but insistent.  He relented and looked over at the stone wall, “I’m sorry I shot you.” 

He felt Seigurd’s hand on the back of his head forcing him to bend downwards, “You will prostrate yourself and beg the forgiveness of the Sith Masters and Knights that you shot so…so carelessly!” 

“Are you serious?” Hux asked, looking up at Kylo for confirmation. 

“It’s sort of like if you were at a funeral, walked up to the casket and shot the corpse in the face…” explained Kylo, “It was…pretty offensive.” 

“Oh, so you demolish entire areas of my ship whenever you feel like it, but I chip one stone on one of your Temples and I have to get on my knees and beg its pardon…” grumbled Hux. 

“To be fair, the Finalizer isn’t alive,” said Kylo, “And…you don’t want to make the spirits mad at you.  I know this is strange for you, but it’s in your best interest to apologize.” 

Hux looked around.  He honestly had not thought about that.  Most stories about hauntings or possessions that he heard about had petty and vindictive spirits.  It was not such a great stretch of the imagination to think the Temple would somehow try to punish him later on for this misstep.  He was sure that if he had done something wrong he would have been shocked, the way Hathor had been, but it had not.  Still, Kylo seemed fairly serious about this, and Seigurd was next to livid. 

“Right…let me know when I should finish grovelling to the poor masonry, if you would,” muttered Hux, crouching before laying down on his stomach. 

“And watch your tongue!” shouted Seigurd warningly, “Have you no respect for the Force at all!?” 

“I’m lying on the ground apologizing to the brickwork!  What more do you want from me!?” exclaimed Hux. 

Seigurd raised a hand to the visor on his mask, “Absolutely infuriating Force-null…you’re lucky your features are so alluring…” 

Hux grumbled and turned his face back towards the floor, “Let me know when I can get up again…” 

  

   ***  

Gaius had been shocked when the General had, with such a calm and collected expression and body language, found a way to launch himself across the room.  It looked like it had hurt, a lot, being pressed and dragged along solid, rough bricks like that, and the way he had stumbled and hesitated at the other side seemed to indicate that he was a little hurt, and probably scared before he recovered.  Hux didn’t have an ounce of Force-sensitivity in his body.  If Hux could get across, even after shooting the Temple, then surely he could do it as well. 

Kylo and Seigurd started their way across almost immediately after the General.  Kylo to rescue him, and Seigurd to scold him it seemed.  The eldest knight was projecting a lot of anger, but it soon switched over to a mix of anger and happiness.  Relief, perhaps? 

_‘Yes Gaius Ren, I am relieved.  I thought for certain the Living Temple would strike him dead…’_

_‘He’s okay though?  He looked shaky.’_

_‘He’s fine.  Arrogant and haughty as always, but fine.’_

_‘Y-you didn’t have to be so rough Seig.  He’s still learning.’_

_‘I thought he was going to die…my emotions overwhelmed me.’_

_‘How was the crossing you two?’_

_‘Not going to lie, a little rough.  If you work yourselves up a bit before going it helps.’_

_‘Ah, so we must will ourselves to anger, then!’_

_‘Verily I am no so quick to let my temper take my heart and mind…’_

_‘Anger isn’t the only passionate emotion love…’_

_‘Right, I’m going to start before the two of you make me heave.’_

_‘Gaius…Gaius are you feeling okay?’_

_‘I just…I don’t know if I can…’_

_‘You can and you will Gaius Ren.  Use your frustration, trust in your power and do not give in to despair.’_

_‘I shall walk with you smallest brother!’_

_‘What!?  N-no, that’s okay E’Chon.  It looks like just standing there is going to hurt.  I’m just going to slow you down.’_

_‘Then we shall be slow and hurt together!’_

Gaius watched as Eleo started across.  In terms of Force power he was somewhere between Mako and E’Chon, making him fifth strongest in their collective.  He stiffened and hissed as he fought against the pressure and took another step. 

_‘Damn…no wonder Red looked so beat when he finished…’_

_‘Eleo, are you-?’_

_‘Fine!  Fine…just…damn this sucks…’_

_He took a few stumbling steps forward as Mako looked at Hathor._

_‘Dost thou think it might permit our hands to twine themselves?’_

_‘Only one way to find out, unfortunately…’_

_Mako and Hathor tried to touch hands and Gaius felt the shock their received in turn.  He clutched his own hand, which felt like he had accidentally got it caught in a socket._

_‘Dammit you two!’_

_‘Oh hush, it wasn’t even as bad as the last one.’_

_‘Still bad.’_

_‘The Temple truly desires that we each make our own crossing, it seems.’_

_‘Um…Seig…how long should Hux stay on the ground.’_

_‘Until that foolhardy hellion has learned his lesson!’_

_‘Smallest brother, shall we endeavor to cross?’_

Gaius looked across.  Hux said it was about twenty meters across.  It was not terribly far.  Almost like crossing a bridge.  He could walk something like that in well under a minute or run in even less time.  The General had done it, showing the Temple that it would not let his handicap stop him, so surely he could do it as well.  Besides, even if he was not on the ground, he was not being dragged.  If he went at his own pace it might not hurt so badly.  Feeling with Eleo’s nerves it was a lot like trying to shove something back while wearing weighted clothes.  It was strenuous, but not too painful. 

_‘Almost ready…give me a few minutes…’_

He watched Mako and Hathor.  Hathor felt the pressure a lot less than Mako, able to summon more of the Force to himself to push back.  They two of them were having a much better time than Eleo, who was already breathing hard as he kept pushing back and trying to move forward.  He was struggling pretty hard. 

_‘Eleo Ren, lift your eyes.’_

_‘Don’t need you preaching at me old Geezer…’_

_‘Lift your eyes and you will find your incentive.’_

_Gaius focused on Eleo’s eyes.  Kylo must have done the same as he gasped out,_

_‘My boyfriend’s ass is not incentive!’_

_‘Oh hell yes it is…I’m gonna cross this thing…I’m gonna grab that ass…’_

_‘You are such a pervert…’_

_‘You and flowers-for-brains are always all over each other and I’m the pervert!?’_

_‘Indeed thou art.  Completing a sacred challenge for such a petty reason.’_

_‘It’s getting me across, isn’t it!?’_

Eleo was still hurting, but the usual ribbing, comradeship and the thought of finishing quickly was helping him move forward.  Gaius tried to think of something to motivate him.  He would finish on the other side, feeling relieved when the pressure dissipated and it would feel really good.  He could…he might…

_‘We’ll have the biggest group hug of your life, Gaius.’_

_‘Lots of hugs, we promise.’_

_‘We shall make the pain feel a paltry thing.’_

_‘We’ll send you feelings every step of the way.’_

_‘You will do well.  This challenge will not break you.’_

_‘I shall be at your side with every step!’_

_‘Okay…okay…I’m going to do it…’_

Gaius took a step out and felt the pressure slam his foot down to the floor.  That was fine…he needed his feet on the ground anyways.  He inched forward, trying his best to stay upright as he felt the crushing pressure trying to shove him to the ground.  He felt all of his brothers sending out their feelings, their reassurance rushing through him, but it was hard to focus on it with the pressure pushing and squeezing.  It took him a long time to notice that E’Chon had moved with him and was panting heavily.  They had barely progressed a couple of feet but were already breathing hard and exhausted. 

_‘It’s not as far as it looks.  You can do this, Gaius.’_

_‘Yeah, I’m sure we’ll feel great when it’s done.  Like finishing a workout.’_

_‘It’s not so far to go.  Keep going.’_

Gaius tried to listen, but instead of the words refreshing him, they were making him anxious.  He was already trying his best.  He couldn’t give any more than what he was giving right now.  It was all he could do just to stand up and keep inching forward.  He was holding everyone back, especially E’Chon who refused to go on ahead and leave his side. 

 _‘Guys, please, I know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not…this is really hard.  Maybe too hard…’_  

He could not help thinking the last one.  It hurt.  Being pushed down like this against the floor hurt a lot.  He was pushing back with the Force as much as he could and even at that he could only move a few inches at a time and the pain.  It hurt so much…He started tuning out his brothers.  Not because they were a burden but because he needed every ounce of Force power he had to push back and do something so simple and basic as moving. 

   ***  

“Not good…” Hux heard Kylo mutter through his modulator. 

“What’s wrong?” asked Hux, still lying on the floor. 

“It’s Gaius.  He’s shutting us out,” said Kylo.  He looked over at Seigurd, “Can he stand up now?”  

“I suppose…so long as he’s learned his lesson,” said Seigurd, now barely paying attention to Hux as he kept his eyes trained on Gaius and E’Chon. 

The General rose to his feet and looked over the scene.  Hathor and Mako had just made it, shaking out their limbs before joining their brothers to watch the other three cross.  Eleo seemed fine.  He was not moving at the quickest pace, but he was making steady progress.  Gaius was nearly paralyzed though.  Every few minutes he would struggle to move forward another few inches.  Hux furrowed his brow.  At this rate it would take Gaius more than a half hour to cross, subjecting his body to all of that pressure.  He was going to come out of this exhausted, meaning they would have to wait before trying their hand at the next challenge, giving the Temple more than enough time to get more than a basic read on all of their thoughts and feelings.  In terms of strategy, this was an awful position to be in, bogged down while the enemy took their time with recon. 

And if the stress was bad for him, it must have been worse for Gaius.  The small knight had confided his anxiety about holding the other knights up with his lack of talent for Force use.  Hux could not commune the way the knights could, but he had noticed how fretful Gaius had seemed.  In fact…he had been the most… 

Hux furrowed his brow.  Gaius, who’s feelings must have been strongest, were the ones the Temple picked up on first.  Gaius had not been keeping his anxiety a secret, so it must have quickly assessed that he was the weakest of the group, had the clearest cut weakness to use, and consequently made a target of him. 

So if the Temple chose its targets by using their emotional outbursts to assess their weaknesses, than next would likely be… 

“I think you’re next,” Hux warned Seigurd as Eleo drew closer, “You or Kylo.” 

Seigurd kept his eyes on Gaius and E’Chon and did not answer.  Hux sighed through his nose, “Listen, I know this is difficult for you all, but I think I understand what this place is doing and I think you might be-”

“The future will sort itself out.  The present is far more pressing,” countered Seigurd. 

Hux furrowed his brow.  He hated being interrupted, but kept his temper in check.  He did not want to give the Temple any more information than it was already getting.  However, he wanted to talk about his hypothesis.  He did not have any way of helping Gaius.  There was nothing he could do to help, but at least he might be able to plan ahead so they might be able to figure out what to do next. 

“This doesn’t look good.  I already checked.  The Temple won’t let us help each other through touch or the Force,” said Hathor in a low voice.  He looked out at Gaius, “There’s nothing we can do to give him assistance.” 

“Can you send him feelings?” asked Hux, recalling the way Kylo’s fondness had calmed him down after their first battle, spreading through him like warm sunshine. 

“Would that it were possible, martial rose, but our brother uses all his might to keep upon his feet upright,” replied Mako, sounding deathly serious despite his lyrical way of speaking. 

So he was cut off, with nobody being able to use the Force or lift him with their bodily strength.  Gaius would have to cross on his own. 

Eleo finished his crossing and dropped to his hands and knees, panting, “Shit…that was…shit…”

“Are you alright,” asked Kylo, kneeling down to help his knight. 

Eleo waved a hand, “Yeah I’m fine just…man that was rough…how are the other two?  I can’t feel Gaius.” 

“Not good,” said Kylo, “But they’re still coming.” 

“Good, I can rest while they’re crossing,” said Eleo, trying to sound flippant in spite of his prior exertion.  He flipped over onto his back and splayed out his limbs, “Worst twenty meters of my life…” 

Hux slowly began pacing, stalking along the edge as Gaius did his best to inch closer.  This was driving him insane.  He knew what needed to be done, but there was no way that he could assist or speed the process along.  It was like waiting for a computer to load or finish an update before any work could be done, but a hundred times worse since every second Gaius stayed in the pressurized area was a second of excruciating effort to move a measly few inches. 

“Hey Red, you said something about Seigurd maybe being next?” said Eleo as he panted on the ground. 

Hux approached him, glad for something to do with his head apart from worry, “Yes.  I think the Temple targeted Gaius because he was giving off the strongest emotional response and fashioned it’s challenge in response to that.  Seigurd and Kylo both had outbursts, so I think they might be next.” 

“Right, so if you’re right and it’s one of those two, this place is probably going to mess with our minds next.  Might want to brace yourself,” warned Eleo.  He turned his head and looked out over the chamber, “Shit…there’s really nothing we can do, is there?” 

“Doesn’t look like it.  I’m still thinking,” said Hux. 

Eleo pointed at the grappling gun, “Think you can use that?” 

“I’ve been thinking about it,” said Hux.  The grappling gun could normally pull quite a bit of weight, but without knowing how much pressure was pushing down on him, Hux had no idea if he could make the crossing again while holding onto Gaius without the cable snapping and leaving them both stranded.  Gaius at least had a chance of crossing on his own, but if Hux landed himself in the center of the chamber with no way back, he would be pinned down with no escape route and the knights unable to assist him.  If he could just measure how much pressure the chamber was exerting… 

“I was pushing what felt like about one hundred and fifty pounds,” said Eleo. 

“How much does Gaius weigh?” asked Hux, readying the gun. 

“Next to nothing,” said the knight. 

“This should be fine then,” said Hux, taking aim high to counteract the pull of the chamber.  He pulled the trigger, expecting to feel the slight recoil…

And felt nothing. 

Hux pulled the trigger a few more times before taking a multi-headed tool from one of the pockets on his legs and opening up the gun, “Hold on it’s jam…wait…something’s wrong.  It’s not jammed at all.  It just won’t…” 

“Shit…they’ve learned how it works,” grumbled Eleo, “The spirits must have never seen one before so they couldn’t stop you the first time.  Now that they know they aren’t letting you use it again…which means…” 

“We can only use specialty equipment once,” Hux seethed as he closed the gun.  He had been hoping to find another solution but it was just another dead-end.  He took aim again, “I’m going to try one more time.  It might have been a-”

Hux knew what being electrocuted felt like.  He knew the jolts and the fiery pain that ripped through his body.  He had been unprepared for it though and dropped to the floor as the sensation left him numb and breathless.  His vision spotted slightly before Kylo came into view, leaning over him. 

“Hux!?  Hux!” shouted Kylo. 

“Stand back, give him air,” instructed Hathor firmly, trying to pull Kylo back. 

“I don’t think it likes me…” choked Hux as he coughed slightly, “What did…?” 

“I trust you know of Darth Sidious,” said Seigurd, settling beside Hux, “One of his most well-known abilities was his mastery of what you might call ‘Force-Lightening.’  One or some of the spirits seem to be using it when we step out of line.  However, with you it was…much rougher.” 

Seigurd touched Hux’s arm and he felt relief flowing through his body.  It wasn’t warm like Kylo usually was.  It was cold and tickled, like one of the peppermint based soaps Hathor had given him.  Hux shuddered slightly at the sensation and asked, “Because I shot it?” 

“Perhaps,” said Seigurd, “Or perhaps your nature upsets the spirits.” 

It took Hux a moment to realize that the scrapes he had gained were closing up and that the tingling feeling seemed to settle where he had been bruised most badly.  Seigurd was healing his wounds.  Hux would have liked to peel his clothing back to study and watch as it happened, but there were more pressing things to attend to.  Kylo leaned down and held his hand, “You okay?” 

“Yes.  Where’s my gun?” asked Hux. 

Kylo grimaced before holding out a smouldering hunk of metal.  Hux’s eyes widened at the sight, “Ah…I see.” 

They heard a light, modulated cry and metal striking metal.  It was followed by a clatter and a shout.  Hux looked up and saw Hathor with his hands clamped over the lower half of his mask where his mouth should have been, staring across the room.  Hux looked out and cupped a hand over his own mouth, “Oh no…” 

Gaius had fallen over. 


	13. Under Pressure Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to the cliffhanger! I'm back home again, so I should be able to get a lot more work done. Hopefully I won't be travelling for a while now.

Gaius watched as Hux tried to help him and was struck down by invisible lightening.  His heart skipped a beat as Kylo gripped his limp body by the collar and shook him before Hathor pulled him back.  Gaius could only look as Seigurd moved in.  Kylo seemed calmer after a few moments.  Hux must have been okay, but…

He had been shocked because he had tried to help him.  If Gaius had just had a little more strength, just a little more and that would not have happened.  If he had as much as Eleo, or even E’Chon he would have been finished, or so much closer.  Instead he was holding up everyone’s progress and getting them hurt for trying to help him.  He tried to move a little faster.  Just a little more.  If he could manage that than he would be less of a burden. 

He took a slightly longer step, trying to take a little more ground with his stride.  It worked.  With that one step he moved forward more than he had with the last three.  He felt better about that.  If he could make his strides just a little bigger he could shave some time off of his crossing.  It was already hurting so much.  His neck and back felt most of it as he tried to keep himself alright.  His feet and legs felt leaden, as if he had something big and heavy strapped to his back and he was being forced to walk up a hill.  He was breathing hard.  He was not going to be able to stay out like this much longer. 

He took another step and halted.  His eyes widened behind his helmet.  The step he had taken was too far ahead.  If he took his weight off of his back foot his front would not be able to support him.  He needed to move his front foot back, just a little, just enough to be able to move forward again, but if he shifted his weight too much… 

…he was going to fall. 

‘No.  No, no, no…’ Gaius thought to himself, horrified.  He was stuck.  He was stuck and nobody could help him.  They were going to fail their mission on the first challenge and it would all be his…

He tried.  He tried his best to move and keep himself upright.  He shifted his foot, but his balance was all wrong because of the pressure bearing down on him.  He fell forward, his body crashing to the floor and became pinned there under invisible weight.  He gave a short wordless shout of surprise, pain and frustration.  He saw E’Chon lean forward to help him and fell to the ground with a jerk.  Gaius felt traces of the pain he had felt through what little of the connection to his brothers he allowed himself.  Now it was all he could do to breathe under all the pressure. 

Gaius wanted to tell E’Chon to go, but he could not touch him.  If he touched his brother the temple would shock one or both of them.  He needed touch to talk.  He could reach out with the Force to re-establish the connection but if he used too much he wouldn’t have enough to move forward. 

E’Chon rose to his hands and knees and Gaius risked reopening the connection, calling out to his brothers to open their thoughts to him, _‘Please…please just go E’Chon…I can’t…’_

_‘I shall bear it with you!’_

_‘No you won’t!  Please…I don’t want you getting hurt because of me.  I want you to go.’_

_‘Smallest brother I won’t abandon-’_

_‘Leave me alone E’Chon!  You’re making it worse!’_

His burst of anger ironically was making it easier to shout through the connection at his brother, but the words were not ones he wanted to say.  Not really.  But in all his pain and frustration and confusion they came spilling out. 

_‘Let me assist-’_

_‘Stop it!  Stop it and go!  You aren’t helping!’_

He could not stand everyone getting hurt on his behalf.  It was bad enough that he was holding up, possibly ruining the mission, but he was getting the others hurt with their attempts to rescue him.  He was doing his best to cut off his nerves from their connection so they would not feel his pain, for all the good it did.  E’Chon still tried to stay by his side.  Hux tried, even without Force sensitivity he tried and was punished for it.  It would be all his fault.  All over again.  They would try to protect him and they would… 

_‘It will not come to-’_

_‘Stop!  Alright!  Please, just stop making this worse and go!’_

_‘I can’t leave you to-’_

_‘Leave me alone you…you…thoughtless…_ **_moron_ ** _!”_

Gaius regretted the words that passed through his mind as soon as he thought them.  He did not mean them.  By the Maker he did not mean any of them!  He was so tired.  He was at his wit’s end.  It hurt so badly.  He just wanted to lie on the ground and give up.  It all hurt and there was nothing he could do to fight back against it.  Everything was terrible and it was all his fault. 

He heard E’Chon get up and move. It was for the best.  There was nothing he could do by walking with him.  It was just going to cause him and the others more pain.  He closed his eyes and pushed back against the Force pinning him down, enough to allow him to breathe easily.  So this was it.  He had come all this way just to mess everything up by being so weak.  If he was stronger this would never have happened.  He would be more useful.  There were so many who might have been better off if he had just been a little bit stronger. 

He felt tears prick his eyes.  He just wanted to go home.  He wanted it all to be over. 

“Gaius, get up!” 

He started slightly when he heard Kylo’s voice shouting at him from across the room.  He closed his eyes and his mind repeated that he couldn’t get up like a broken holo-projection stuck on a loop.  He couldn’t do it.  It was too hard. 

“You have to get up!” he called again, “We need you!”

He wondered if Kylo was trying to send feelings.  Hux had described the Master of Ren’s love and fondness like sunshine.  Before he said that Gaius had thought of it as softly glowing embers.  He felt so unworthy of it.  He was so weak and useless, barely Force sensitive enough to count as a Knight of Ren and they all still included him, supported him, made up for his many shortcomings.  He said they needed him, but did they really?  What did he do that any of them could not?  Eleo was good with weapons and machines, Hathor had enough skill with everything to fill any role or position, E’Chon was strong, Mako had the quickest wits, Seigurd knew almost everything about the Force, and Kylo was…Kylo was amazing.  He was so powerful, both physically and with the Force and could even withstand the constant pull of light and darkness.  And Hux.  Even without the Force he had found a way to make himself indispensable to their group.  What on earth could Gaius do to match any of them?  He was just…scarred…small…weak… 

He heard blaster fire and Hux’s voice, a loud and commanding bark echoing through the chamber.  His blood froze at the sound of it.  The General’s voice was sharp and cold as he shouted,

“LOOK UP AND _MOVE_!” 

   ***  

Hux could feel the eyes of the knights staring at him through their masks, probably horrified.  From what he had seen and experienced of their collective they did not encourage each other like this.  They were rarely rough with each other, and when they were it seemed to be in jest.  He clutched his blaster and looked at the markings he had made.  It seemed he was allowed to shoot things, and use a standard blaster.  That did not seem to violate the Temple’s rules.  He supposed blasters were alright but anything specialized was not tolerated. 

“Have you learned nothing!?” exclaimed Seigurd. 

Hux ignored him.  He had made his marks at regular intervals.  The room might be too much for Gaius, but a meter at a time would be manageable.  He called out again, barking with his usual commanding tone, “You will pull yourself to that mark!” 

“Hux, stop!” gasped Kylo, gripping him by the arm, “That’s not how you encourage someone!” 

“Master of Ren, wait…he’s moving,” said Hathor, pointing at Gaius.  He looked over at Hux, regarding him seriously through his mask, “I don’t understand how or why that worked on him but…don’t do it again.  I don’t want you shouting at him again, do you understand, General?” 

Hux placed his blaster in its holster and gave a sheepish nod, “When I was a cadet, if one of our own got stuck like that, the best thing to do was try to snap them out of it.” 

“All the same, don’t do it again,” said Hathor firmly, “It was…you didn’t seem yourself.” 

Hux pursed his lips.  Kylo loosed his grip on his arm and held his shoulder instead, “I know you were trying to help but…they aren’t used to that sort of thing.  We’re not First Order soldiers, and we don’t train or interact the same way as you.  You kind of scared us.” 

That had been the idea.  Gaius had been shutting himself off and shutting down.  When that happened some people needed to be shocked into action again.  It had been a risk, but it had paid off.  Encouragement was not working and someone had to do something.  He felt awful about it.  He did not like the fact that he had just shouted at Gaius so viciously, but he thought it was the only thing that could be done that might help. 

“Well, are you finished shooting the Living Temple and the Spirits within it?” demanded Seigurd, looking up at him sharply, “Have you not tasted enough Force-Lightening?” 

Hux crossed his arms, “I was setting markers.  The whole room might be too much but now he can take it one-” 

Seigurd held up a hand to silence him, “This is not your domain.  You do not know it or what it will do to you.  You might think to consult us before doing something so uncharacteristically bone-headed.” 

Hux had been called many things before, most being slurs directed at his hair colour, but this was the first time anyone had called him bone-headed.  He growled, “I was trying to help.” 

“I’m not telling you to stop lending your assistance.  I’m telling you to admit that you’re out of your element and to consult someone who understands the Force before making reckless decisions!” snapped Seigurd, “That’s three times!  You have a decent brain, start using it, _vessel_.” 

Hux did not like the way that last word had come out. 

“Peace, brothers.  It does not a paltry shred of good to argue ‘mongst ourselves,” said Mako, stepping between them, holding his hands up as if to keep them apart, “Should our smallest brother hear these harsh set sounds t’would hardly make him well.” 

Seigurd sighed and stepped back, “So long as the Force-null apologizes for the damage he caused.” 

“I have a name…” growled Hux, “I’m not just vessel or Force-null.  My name is Hux.” 

Seigurd paused for a moment before muttering, “Call yourself what you like, it doesn’t change what you are.  I suggest you start apologizing again.” 

 

   *** 

 

_‘Seig, that was…’_

_‘It was not my intent to be insulting.’_

_‘We know that, we can feel it, but all he has to work with his audio and visual communications.  He can’t see or hear the emotions that led you to speak that way.’_

_‘Apologies Master of Ren…’_

_‘I…I’ve never heard anyone shout like that in my life.  It was terrifying…’_

_‘Our spritely swallow hath a lion’s roar.’_

_‘E’Chon?  How you don’t big guy, you’ve gotten quiet on us.’_

_‘I am waiting should Gaius rejoin us…’_

Kylo watched over his knights slowly making their crossing.  E’Chon was moving, slowly but steadily and managing to stay on his feet.  Gaius was dragging himself.  He had cut himself off from their connection, but if Kylo concentrated he could still sense his emotions.  Hux had scared the hell out of him, but it had gotten him moving again.  While he was grateful for the result, Kylo did not approve of the method.  He supposed it was the one that Hux was used to, but that angry barking was not a sound any of them liked to hear from Hux. 

He could feel the pressure on E’Chon’s body and wondered if he would be able to send feelings.  The Temple seemed to punish them if they offered each other assistance with the Force, but it did not seem to mind if they communicated with each other.  If he had only been risking a punishment for himself than he would not have minded attempting it, but if he was punished the others, E’Chon included, would feel it, making the whole thing counter-intuitive.  Kylo wondered if that was part of Hux’s reasoning when he fired his blaster.  If the General was shocked, he was the only one who would be hurt, making Hux the person whose mistakes would cause the least collateral to their party if a risk backfired. 

Kylo sighed to himself.  If that was the conclusion Hux had come to, the General was probably going to take more risks like that.  He was not wrong, his assessment was perfectly reasonable, but Kylo wanted him to refrain.  He had not anticipated that Hux would throw himself in harm’s way for their sake. 

He looked out at the floor and the marks that Hux had made.  They were clean hits, evenly spaced, marking the floor with plasma burns.  Gaius had just managed to pull himself to the first one and was trying to catch his breath with the room pressing down on him.  Seeing it was a stark contrast to feeling sudden relief as E’Chon finished and collapsed to the floor. 

_‘You did good big guy, hang in there.  Seig?  I can feel a lot of overexertion in his legs and back.’_

_‘Gaius is…’_

_‘He’s coming dear, just worry about yourself for a moment.’_

_‘How does he fair?’_

_‘He moves slowly and yet he moves still.  He will come anon.’_

_‘I can sense his pain.  I’ll relieve it as best I can.’_

_‘How far has he come?’_

_‘Hush dear, he’s coming.  He’ll be fine.’_

_‘How far?’_

_‘…not much further, he’s close.  He’ll be with us soon, try to concentrate on recovering.’_

_‘I should have stayed…’_

_‘He cut himself off.  If you had stayed you might have frustrated him.  You made the right call E’Chon.’_

Kylo felt E’Chon’s relief as Seigurd began to heal the large knight of all his strains and sprains.  Now there was only Gaius.  He had made it to Hux’s second blaster shot and seemed to be figuring out how to ration his energy to make it the rest of the way.  From the feel of the pressure on his body, the way it squeezed and pressed, he would need a lot of healing.  He would probably need to be ready to help Seigurd, maybe even have Hathor assist as well when the smallest knight finally made it.  Hathor gave Kylo a sideways glance through his mask and nodded his willingness to help in any way he could.

_‘Everyone…?’_

Kylo started as he heard Gaius rejoin the connection.  He sounded weak, but hardly like he had given up.  The connection was flooded with equal parts relief and worry. 

_‘Gaius!’_

_‘D-don’t shout all at once…I’m…I’m sorry I shut you out it’s…I’m trying…I’m trying but I keep holding you back.’_

_‘Don’t think about that.  Just think about getting yourself across.’_

_‘I’m…there’s four more marks.  I’m going to try to get to the next one.’_

_‘You can do it Gaius, you can kick this challenge in the ass!’_

_‘E’Chon!  Stay down and let me heal this strain!’_

_‘But-’_

_‘I don’t say this often but staunch the desire.  Unfortunately it won’t do us any good.’_

_‘…who are you and what have you done with Seigurd?’_

_‘You aren’t doing us any good either, Eleo Ren…’_

_‘Verily I shall compose a sonnet to-’_

_‘Um…that’s nice Mako but…I really need to concentrate.’_

***  

Gaius had been ready to give up.  He had been ready to let the Force bearing down on him crush him against the floor.  He had been so ready to just lie there and admit that he was the weak link on their team, the dead weight, useless.  Even the General, a Force-Null, had found a way to succeed while he was…he had always been so… 

Then he heard the General barking at him, loud, vicious, his voice echoing off the wall with the lingering reverberation of blaster fire.  It had been so sharp, so frightening, that it had given him a spike of adrenaline.  His instincts, trying to get him away from the danger, somewhere safe had all but forced him to scramble to the first marking on the floor, fear giving him a sudden burst of strength.  It had been horrible, terrifying, but strangely enough it had been exactly what he needed.  He’d been so spooked all he had been able to think about for a few minutes was making progress. 

Slowly his self-doubt crept back in though.  After those few almost blissful moments of head-clearing fear his thoughts started to irk and needle him.  He could see everyone waiting.  He was holding them up.  The thought of it stung, but something new was there.  They must have been worried.  He could not sense it, but he intuitively knew if one of his brothers had been suffering and suddenly cut themselves off, refusing companionship or comfort, he would be worried.  And E’Chon…E’Chon hadn’t deserved that.  He had been angry and frustrated and had not meant a word of what was said, but that didn’t excuse any of it. 

He decided he had to make it across.  He had to apologize.  He had to make things right again.  The first step to doing that would be rejoining the connection. 

He managed to do it when he made it to the second burn.  He was surprised that it was waiting for him, his brothers were waiting for him, like always.  It was a comfort he did not feel entirely worthy of, but he was not going to refuse it. 

He had to concentrate.  It was not so hard to pull himself to a goal that felt a little closer.  It still hurt, it still squeezed and pressed, but it was a little easier.  When it was just a short ways away it was easier.  Everything hurt, everything ached as he pressed his fingertips into the grooves of the brick work and dragged himself across the ground, his armour scraping along underneath him.  He could see his mark, just a few feet away.  Just a little more and he would be half way from where he wanted to give up. 

He made it to the third burn and took a quick rest, or as much as he could.  He constantly needed to push back to avoid being crushed.  His arms needed to rest though, since they were doing most of the work.  He stopped.  He just needed a little while, just a little rest. 

_‘Hey, you’re looking good Gaius.  Don’t give up.’_

_‘I just need a little break…everything hurts so much…’_

_‘We’re all ready for you.  The Master of Ren, Seigurd and I will patch you up.’_

_‘You can do this, I know you can.  Just a little more.’_

_‘It’s so close…it’s so frustrating…’_

_‘Attempt to harness it.  Turn it into anger and it will give you strength.’_

Gaius tried to follow Seigurd’s advice.  It had always confused him.  Being angry never really helped him with his Force abilities the way it seemed to help the others.  He needed to concentrate hard every time he used the Force and when he got angry he lost that concentration.  He tried to think about it like the fear though, that animalistic burst of energy that came from being scared.  Was it something like that?  Was he just supposed to let the emotion take complete control over his body and mind?  When he had been a slave he had been commanded to keep any anger he felt in check, so even now it was hard to give in completely. 

He tried anyways.  He thought about the pain and frustration.  He tried to get angry at the room.  The room that was constantly squeezing and pressing and trying to make him give up.  He was doing his best but the room kept holding him back.  He tried to do it, get angry, get so angry he could charge forward the way Kylo and Seigurd had. 

It was not quite a charge, but he was managing a steady, slow army-crawl, which was much more than he had been managing before.  He tried to get angrier. 

_‘Guys…send me angry thoughts.’_

_‘What?’_

_‘Truly those are not ones that best assist-’_

_‘Not bad ones just…pet peeves, annoyances, irritating but nothing overwhelming, I think I’m getting the hang of this.’_

_‘Eleo Ren is a brash miscreant.’_

_‘He said make_ **_him_ ** _angry, not me, Grandpa!’_

_‘Sand and small rocks in your shoes.’_

_‘A verse made imperfect by an awkward phrase.’_

_‘Hux’s shift getting an unexpected extension on date night.’_

_‘Okay…I think that should do it.  I’m plenty annoyed now.’_

It was new, but Gaius felt himself getting the hang of it.  Instead of focusing on how awful the frustration made him feel he was using it, like the fear to propel him.  Was this how Seigurd did it all the time?  Was this how everyone else managed it?  He had always thought if he lost all of his concentration by giving into anger he would not be able to harness the Force, that fully giving into anger would hold him back.  He understood it better now.  He understood that concentration helped, but sometimes what he needed was to pour his feelings into something productive, use it for energy.  He had heard the words constantly, Seigurd was always saying it and it was the foundation for using the dark side of the Force, but he never really understood it.  There was always that block, that barrier. 

He made it to the fourth.  Just two more and then he would be there.  He focused more and it became easier.  He could not stand, not quite yet, but he was moving a bit more quickly.  He used the feeling, the frustration of being forced to crawl like an animal, like a slave again and finally let that frustration out, letting him move forward.  He made it to the fifth in what felt like record time.  The sixth and the finish were in sight now. 

He gave one final push, one more burst, anger welling up inside of him and let it all come bubbling out as he pushed back against the force surrounding him.  He managed to get on his hands and knees, moving faster and faster. 

Then suddenly he flopped forward, the pressure was gone. 

_‘Gaius!  Hold on…this looks pretty bad.’_

_‘Scrapes and overexertion mostly.  He’ll be fine Master of Ren.’_

_‘Hold still dear, we’ll take care of it, you did so well.’_

_‘E’Chon…I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean it.  I wanted to say I’m sorry.’_

_‘You’re not the first to lash out in anger.  It’s an easy enough thing to forgive.’_

Gaius lay back on the floor, boneless and let his brothers tend him.  He did not have much choice.  After everything he felt like he was barely able to move.  He felt the familiar cool, healing energy and the comfort his brothers sent him.  Kylo, warm like sunshine, Seigurd like the cool and refreshing taste of mint, Hathor was like jumping in a cold bath after slogging through brutal heat and sand, Mako was peace and serenity, watching flower petals fall in a spring breeze, Eleo was the elation felt when pieces of a puzzle finally fit together, and E’Chon was mirth, merriment and the rowdy comradeship of friends gathered around a fire. 

“Is he alright?” asked the General, sounding a bit more worried and uncertain than usual. 

“He’s alright, he just overdid it,” explained Kylo. 

Gaius could sense a bit of what the General was feeling.  Sad and shy.  Was he embarrassed?  He did have quite the outburst.  He reached up a hand and let out a gasp as his hand shot up, unused to being free and his muscles screaming at any movement he made. 

He took Hux’s hand and called out, _‘I’m fine.  Thanks for helping me.’_

“I’m…sorry I shouted.  I’ll avoid it in the future,” the General mumbled back.

_‘It wasn’t nice, but I learned from it.  Don’t be sorry.  You were just trying to help.’_

“Still…” said Hux, as if determined not to excuse any small failing on his own part. 

 _‘It’s okay, you’re learning,’_ assured Gaius. 

He felt better as relief continued to wash over him and the healing energy subsided.  He was still tired, there was no avoiding it, but the pain was gone.  He sat up and panted lightly before darting to E’Chon and wrapping his arms around him as much as he could.  E’Chon was almost too big for him to hug properly. 

_‘I’m sorry.  Really.  I’ll try not to do it again.  I’m really, really sorry.  I didn't mean it at all!  I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am.'_

_‘All is well smallest brother.’_  

E’Chon wrapped his arms around him and Gaius felt a squeeze that was far more pleasant than the one the temple had given him.  He smiled as he felt his other brothers close in around him.  It was over.  His challenge was done.  He had not held the rest of them back.  Moving forward was not going to be easy, but he felt more confident now.  He could do this, they could do this. 

_‘Too close.’_

Gaius looked about, _‘…Who said that?  A spook?’_

 _‘I most certainly hope not…’_ Gaius felt E’Chon squeezing a little bit tighter. 

_‘Likely a spirit…’_

_‘What does that mean though, ‘too close?’_

Kylo pulled back, “Hux, did you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” asked Hux. 

“Nothing…thought I heard something,” said Kylo, "It sounded a bit like you but...gruffer." 

Hux shook his head, "I didn't hear anything." 

_‘Best not to dwell on it.  If it’s something to do with the dark side or the Force he won’t be able to figure it out and it’ll drive him insane.’_

_‘Why didn’t he hear it though?’_

_‘Probably because he can’t use the Force.  Or this place hates him.  It shocked him pretty bad.’_

_‘In any case, the vessel has meddled enough.  If he prods about much more I fear he’ll be badly injured.’_

_‘Then you should tell him.  Just say you like him and want him to be safe.’_

_‘…in good time, but that time is not now.  We have our task.’_

Gaius peered towards the door.  It looked like there were more stairs leading down to the next challenge. 

_‘Red had a theory either Kylo or Seig would be next.  In any case, get ready for something to get up in your head.  It’s had some time to study us.  This’ll probably get rough.’_


	14. He Will Give Me All The Empty Reasons Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This challenge will take a while...sorry :P

The first thing Hux felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  Suddenly he stood on some sort of terrace of a building he had never seen before.  He looked down at his clothes.  White.  He never wore white.  He was hardly ever out of uniform.  He felt something on his head, solid near his ears.  He reached up and felt cool metal, some sort of diadem around his head.  Looking out there was a sea of people bowing to him.  Turning he saw Kylo by his side, not in his usual robes and armour but some sort of regal, dress armour. 

“This isn’t real…” muttered Hux. 

As if someone turned a switch the chamber and its barren trappings returned.  He looked about and saw the other knights glance about in the same sort of confusion and disorientation he seemed to be feeling. 

“That was…surprisingly easy…” said Eleo suspiciously. 

“It seems it was a test of our senses,” said Seigurd. 

“Truly t’must ha’ been,” added Mako. 

Kylo looked about, surveying his knights, especially the way Gaius was panting, “We’re a quarter of the way there.  I think we should take a few minutes to recover.  Once we’re all feeling better we can move on.” 

Hux would have preferred to keep pressing forward, but there was wisdom in that decision.  They would all need to be in good physical condition if the next challenge was physical, and E’Chon and Gaius were still tired.  He sighed slightly.  He disliked sitting on his hands when he could have been making progress, and unfortunately this place would probably not allow him to scout forward. 

“The floor doesn’t look too dusty.  It might be good to sit,” suggested Hathor. 

“Come on, priss, even if there was dust it’s not like it could hurt you,” said Eleo, settling himself in a corner to stretch out. 

“And if there is dust, it is easily conquered!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

Hux felt Kylo put a hand on his shoulder, “Come on, let’s take a break.  You took a lot of punishment before.” 

“I think Seigurd took care of it,” said Hux. 

“You’re stiff.  I’ll rub out your shoulders while we wait,” suggested Kylo. 

It was hardly common practice to halt a mission for a shoulder massage.  It felt off, but this seemed to be the way the knights did things.  Besides, there was nothing else to be done.  E’Chon and Gaius needed to rest, and they all needed to stay together. 

“Alright,” said Hux, “Though I hope you won’t make this a habit when we go on missions.  We do have an objective.” 

“I know,” said Kylo, leading him to where the knights had gathered, “Just a quick rest and we’ll get going again.” 

   ***

The first thing Seigurd felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  He could feel himself on his knees.  Looking up through his mask he saw Kylo presenting him with a kyber crystal, a crucial component in making a light-saber.  Using the weapon was an honour reserved only for the Master of Ren, as were the rules of their older.  He could feel Eleo Ren thinking something along the lines of, ‘some traditions were made to be broken.’  The other knights were there, regarding him with admiration and esteem. 

“This isn’t real,” said Seigurd, annoyed that the temple would make such a feeble challenge. 

The real world came back into focus suddenly.  They were in a chamber, infinitely larger than the previous one.  It was so large that the lanterns on the walls cast them into darkness as they stood in the middle of the room.  Mako seemed worried, “I don’t see an exit…” 

“Hold on, there’s something written there,” said Eleo, pointing at one of the walls. 

Hux took out his blaster and looked through the scope, “An overflowing river will break the dam.  Flood the seal with darkness to open the floodgates.’ 

“So the door will be opened with enough darkness!” concluded E’Chon, “It is simple enough.  This chamber shall not defeat us!” 

 _‘So we all just…think dark thoughts?’_ came Gaius’ piping voice. 

“I suppose,” said Kylo, “Though if the last chamber was any indication, it won’t be as easy as that.” 

“How would we go about producing sufficient energy then?” asked Hathor, “We don’t hate each other, and it’s hard to scare someone if they see it coming.” 

“T’is passion then,” concluded Mako, glaning at Hathor, “I believe we might…” 

“No, no, absolutely not you two!” snapped Eleo. 

“Wait…we have to…?” Hux trailed off. 

Kylo, sheepish as usual when it came to the vessel and his modest proclivities, removed his mask before saying quietly, awkwardly, “It’s…the only alternative that’s coming to mind.  I think we need to be…passionate.” 

The vessel pressed a hand to his mouth, “How far?” 

“We don’t know yet,” said Hathor, becoming a bit more sympathetic.  He moved towards Hux to put an arm around his shoulders, “Who knows?  If emotional intensity is all that matters, maybe it’ll open after a few kisses.” 

“If we pair off, that might work but…sheesh, these ghosts are pervs.  And that’s saying something coming from me!” exclaimed Eleo. 

“There’s no way around it then?” asked the vessel, “There’s no getting out of here otherwise?” 

“It looks that way…” sighed Kylo.  He frowned, “Hux, I’m really, really sorry that it’s going to be…like this.  We can wait, see if the others make any headway.” 

“No…this is why I’m here.  I…I understood this was a possibility when I accepted the mission,” said the vessel, clearly frightened, but firm in his resolve, “When you told me…the way I was raised made it hard to accept that I would…with all of you…but I knew this would be a possibility.  I’m ready for it, I’ll be alright.” 

He took off his helmet and let it fall to the ground.  Kylo and all the other knights for that matter stared in shock as the vessel began to undo all the clasps and straps that held his tactical vest in place.  He was red in the face from shame, the feeling wafting around him as the vest joined the helmet on the ground.  He stammered, “It’s…more tactically sound, don’t you think?  Hi…hit it with all we have right from the start.  It seems…th-the idea is to flood it…” 

“Hux…” said Kylo softly. 

“It’s okay…I’m okay with this,” the vessel assured them.  He was nervous, but not deathly opposed.  He pulled away all the little instruments on his arms before tugging at his shirt, “It’s…been a while though.  Don’t be too rough?  I need to be able to walk after this.” 

He said the words with an uneasy laugh before he tugged his shirt off over his head.  His blush spread down his chest as he crossed his arm to guard himself from the cold.  He glanced at Seigurd, shy, but seeking some guidance, “I don’t know anything about these rituals…how should I…?” 

Seigurd sighed lightly.  He could sense this was not the vessel’s first choice, but circumstances had led him to willingly volunteer.  They had provided other options, but this was the one he had chosen.  Seigurd pulled off his cloak before draping in on the floor, “You’ll want something more than stone floor to lie on.  Just on your back should suffice.” 

“Al…alright…” he said, hesitant, but somehow resolved.  He lay back on the cloak, settling as comfortably as he could.  His pale skin was striking against the dark cape, and despite the darkness his hair and eyes shone brightly.  Something about it seemed so lewd, though Seigurd supposed that was the whole idea of this. 

 _‘Look!’_ called Gaius. 

Turning, Seigurd saw the light dim ever so slightly.  This seemed to indicate that they were doing something correct.  He looked down at the vessel, still shy at the notion of being half dressed around so many men who admired him.  He glanced up at Seigurd, “I’m doing it right?” 

“You’re doing very well, vessel,” said Seigurd, hoping he sounded reassuring. 

“I just…do I need to hold still?” he asked. 

“As still as you can manage,” replied Seigurd, stroking his hair back lightly, still doing his best to be comforting. 

Kylo knelt down and joined them, rubbing a hand over the vessel’s cheek, “I’m sorry I can’t make this better for you…” 

“There’s candlelight.   I suppose that makes it romantic enough,” said the vessel, pretending to be flippant with his bizarre, dry humour.  He sighed as he screwed his courage, “It’s okay, I’m okay with this…just…it can’t hurt.  It’d be a hindrance...” 

“It won’t hurt,” The Master of Ren promised, “We promise it won’t hurt.” 

   ***  

The first thing Kylo felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  There was a sudden feeling of peace.  No pulling from light or dark, no tearing, just peace.  He was in some sort of forest with large trees, like the one he grew up in.  He had spent some of the happiest days of his life there, despite the memories now being touched by melancholy.  He smelled something, barbeque, something cooking on a fire.  There was also something burning.  He approached, driven by the smell. 

He saw Hux by the fire, waving a stick about.  The stick he had been using to cook the meat had caught fire and made him panic.  Kylo heard a familiar laughter and his blood ran cold in his veins.  He saw Han Solo approach General Hux, put an arm around him, laughing as he tried to get the red haired man to stop. 

“Easy there, kid,” said Han amicably, “Waving it around just feeds the fire.” 

“I had it under control, and I’m not a child,” said Hux irately. 

“Kylo?  Kylo what are you doing there?  We sent you to get more kindling hours ago.” 

Kylo felt his mouth go dry as he saw his mother, heard her speak to him chidingly and using his real name.  She waved him over, “Come on, your father and husband cooked your share for you.  Let’s get inside before the flies eat us alive.” 

“This…isn’t real…” Kylo choked. 

The next thing Kylo knew he was in a chamber.  He was on his back with Hux leaning over him, “Thank goodness!  You wouldn’t wake up.” 

Kylo rose, still in a slight daze.  What he saw had not been real, it was just a shadow, a desire that had manifested itself to distract him.  It hurt as the usual pull and tearing returned, but it was real, his desire was not.  He knew that it would never come to be true.  It couldn’t.  His mother and Hux were leading opposing factions in a war and his father…his father…he had disappeared, as usual. 

“I’m alright,” Kylo said finally, “It was an illusion…it…it wasn’t bad.  It was so good.  I really wanted it to be true.” 

“What was it?” asked Hux quizzically. 

Kylo pursed his lips.  Hux wasn’t ready to hear it.  Not now, not like this.  He sighed, “It was us, our family…what was yours?” 

“Us…” admitted Hux sheepishly, “I think I was some sort of king.” 

“It suits you,” said Kylo, happy to change the subject as he sat up and looked around.  They were in a small room with one door opened and the other one closed.  He looked over at Hux, “What’s this?  Have you figured it out?” 

“I came from there,” said Hux, gesturing to the open door.  He pointed to the closed one, “The room I came from looked just like this, except the door was open.  I think we can advance as the others snap out of their dreams.” 

“Must be Seigurd’s challenge, you were right,” concluded Kylo, knowing Seigurd had a particular difficulty when it came to reigning in his desires.  If Seigurd had a fantasy like that he might stay in it for hours. 

“I’m quite clever for a Force-Null,” said Hux, crossing his arms slightly, “But unfortunately all we can do is wait for the door to open.” 

Kylo sighed.  He didn’t like waiting like this, not when his knights might be in trouble.  They were strong though, and he trusted them.  They could make it through this.  He glanced over at Hux as the minutes slowly ticked by, “I don’t suppose you brought a back of cards.” 

“No, unfortunately,” said Hux.  He paused for a moment, “Oh, but I did bring this…” 

He opened one of the pouches strapped to his leg and set up a small tray.  Kylo recognized it as the sort of thing portion and mealbread was made in.  Hux pulled out a beige and red flecked portion packet, “In case we were here for longer than expected.  I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a few emergency rations.” 

“Good thinking,” said Kylo, feeling Hux’s emotions flutter at the praise. 

Hux mixed the paste with a little water.  To Kylo’s surprise, there was no bread.  Instead it looked like a tart sized apple pie.  He laughed slightly, “Is that regulation, General?” 

“No,” admitted Hux, “But I thought…well I thought you might like it.  You seem to like sweets.” 

“I do,” said Kylo, “I’ll split it with you.” 

“Sure…just hold in, it’ll be messy if we break it.  I have a knife,” said Hux. 

Kylo reached over and took the tart.  He took a large bite, about half of it, before passing the rest back to Hux.  The General sighed, “Or you could be a barbarian and do that.” 

“It’s good,” said Kylo through a mouthful of pie.  For instant stuff it was actually really good. 

Hux nibbled at his half gingerly.  Kylo tried not to watch him, feeling it might be a bit rude, but there was really nothing else to watch.  He occasionally glanced over at Hux, especially his mouth as he took small bites, occasionally licking his lips or brushing his thumb over them.  Despite his efforts he dropped it, groaning in disgust as he got a large dollop of filling all over his chin and neck.  He sighed and set the now empty crust aside, “That was graceful of me…” 

“Here, I’ll get it,” said Kylo, wiping away most of the excess with his fingers.  He licked it off while Hux sat back and rifled through his pouches and pockets. 

“Damn, of all the things to forget it had to be a handkerchief…” he muttered. 

“It’s…not all that bad,” said Kylo, “I could um…get…get the rest of…for you…um…” 

Hux arched his brow, “Sorry, I don’t speak stutter.” 

“I…you…neck…pie…” 

The General shook his head slightly, “Lucky for you, I can piece it together.  It’s alright.  So long as the doors won’t open we need to kill time anyways…” 

“It’s okay?” asked Kylo, “I know this sort of thing…it can make people feel weird.  I have a lot of…if it makes you uncomfortable you don’t have to do any of it.” 

“It’s alright,” assured Hux.  He lay back against the wall and lifted his chin, exposing where the pie filling had stained his skin, “I need to get it off anyways…why not like this?” 

Kylo sighed with relief, “I was so worried you’d get scared if I asked about any of this…” 

“I haven’t been scared of yet, have I?  Go ahead,” said Hux. 

Kylo leaned in and kissed him first.  The setting was a bit odd, but he was relieved that Hux wasn’t going to be scandalized or angry with any of his fantasies.  It had been one of many hurdles he knew they had to cross, but having one less made things so much easier.  He kissed Hux again, appreciatively before lapping at his neck, tasting the General’s skin, apples and cinnamon.  He nuzzled the flesh once it had been adequately licked clean. 

“There’s…more rations…if you like,” said Hux, a bit shyly. 

Kylo grinned before giving Hux’s neck a gentle kiss, “Maybe one or two more.” 

   ***  

The first thing E’Chon felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  When his senses reoriented himself he found himself sitting in a longhouse.  He recognized it as the one he grew up in.  He saw the young men and women he had lived with for years, but not as he remembered them.  They were older, healthy, an age they had never been able to reach with their lives cut short by uncurable illnesses. 

E’Chon narrowed his eyes, “I care not if you are the spirits of masters.  I will not stand for these memories being used against me.” 

The scene fell away and the sound of blaster fire rang in his ears.  As soon as his vision came to him he saw the General backed into a corner.  He was shooting down rows of enemies as they fell upon him, but there were too many for one man to handle by himself.  It would not be long before the General was overwhelmed by his enemies. 

E’Chon surged forward, bludgeoning his enemies with the flat of his club and sending them crashing into a wall.  There was a loud crack as their skulls were smashed against the brickwork.  These puny minions, whatever they were, could not withstand him.  He made short work of them, the edge of his blade slicing through them like a hot knife through butter and the flat of it clubbing scores of them out of the way as he rallied to the General. 

Despite his position being pinned down by his enemies, the General fought valiantly, defending himself as well as he could and occasionally trying to blast more of them out of E’Chon’s path to make his way easier.  In a short time E’Chon managed to make it to the General, shielding him from the oncoming onslaught, “Where would you have me General!?” 

“On point, I’ll cover you!” he called back. 

The two of them made an excellent team.  It was a pity there was no sensitivity to the Force in the General, otherwise he might have made an excellent knight and partner on the field of battle.  He had a head for tactics, calling out where and when E’Chon should strike and concentrating his fire where it would make the most difference.  It took some time, and much effort, but in the end they won the day. 

They panted heavily, both of them caked in blood, slogging through a mound of bodies before the General gasped out, “Where…the others…” 

“I know not…” panted E’Chon, looking about the room and realizing they were alone.

They stared at each other for a moment, panting, coloured by the gore they had ripped from the bowels of their enemies.  E’Chon reached up to wipe some of it from the General’s face, finding it only smeared and coloured him more. 

He sighed and rested his face in E’Chon’s palm.  He liked the feeling of the soft-handed General.  He was strong, that was undeniable, but he felt fragile, something that made E’Chon incredibly protective of him.  He looked up to meet his eyes when E’Chon spotted it.  Post-battle lust.  The General’s gaze was heavy with it as he trembled from exhaustion.  He nuzzled against E’Chon’s palm, “I suppose…the others will be along…once they break their illusions…” 

“They shall indeed,” said E’Chon, catching his breath slightly.  He trailed a finger over Hux’s lower lip. 

The General hummed quietly, appreciatively before he asked, “It’s…it’s alright?  Kylo will feel it too…so it’s not…” 

“There is no dishonour,” assured E’Chon. 

“Good,” Hux panted before catching E’Chon by the shoulders and kissing him roughly. 

E’Chon kissed back, matching, then outstripping his passion.  He gripped his blood-drenched hair, pressing the General’s mouth firmly against his as he kissed him fiercely.  He gripped the slighter man’s backside, causing him to gasp as he was lifted up off the ground.  The General wrapped his legs around E’Chon’s waist and groaned sharply as his hair was tugged back so E’Chon could kiss his neck. 

“You submit yourself for conquest?” asked E’Chon. 

“If that means more of what you’re doing, yes,” gasped the General. 

   ***  

The first thing Eleo felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  In the blink of an eye he was looking around the neighbourhood he had grown up.  It wasn’t a particularly neat, or even safe place, but it was home.  He adopted is old posture, hunched over slightly, trying not to draw attention to himself as he straightened his plain shirt and tugged a cap over his eyes.  He looked around, it was always a good idea to look around, always be aware until the slum was behind him. 

“Salino!” someone called. 

Eleo looked up and furrowed his brow slightly as he saw his sister, Ria, trot up to him.  She held a box out to him, “You almost forgot your tools.” 

Eleo arched his brow.  He had lived with Ria and the rest of his family for several years, but they had never called him Salino.  He had not taken that name until he had disguised himself so he could become an apprentice to an inventor.  He had never been Salino to Ria.  Ria had only ever known him as her older sister Celeste. 

“Heh.  You think this is my greatest desire?  Just ‘cause I was born a chick?” Eleo sniggered at the Temple, “You’d have had a better shot of distracting me if you’d given me a nice piece of ass to stare at.” 

That was when he woke up.  He looked around the room, seeing parts everywhere and two doors with complex locks.  Beside him, the General was lying passed out.  It was fairly clear what they were supposed to do.  Figure out a way to open the doors and meet up with the others.  He leaned over and slapped Hux’s cheek lightly, “Yo, Red, wake up.” 

Hux groaned lightly before he opened his eyes.  His brows furrowed slightly, “That dream…” 

“An illusion.  The Temple was trying to distract us.  I think you were right about Seigurd being next.  He’s going to have a rough time pulling himself out,” said Eleo.  He looked from the locks on the doors to the parts, “It looks like it separated us while we were passed out.  If we want to meet up with the others, we’re going to have to figure these doors out.” 

“Can you sense the others?  Are they alright?” asked Hux. 

Eleo concentrated, listening for the six other voices that were usually bouncing around in his head.  Nothing.  He sighed, “Either they’re still passed out or this place is cutting us off.” 

Hux looked around, “It might be something meant to challenge our strengths.  We’re both technically minded, so this is probably rigged to frustrate us.” 

“So long as it’s not morning I can keep my cool,” said Eleo with a shrug, “I’ll take the one on the left, you take the one on the right?” 

“Fair enough,” said Hux.  He looked around at all the parts on the floor and shifted onto his hands and knees to examine them and the lock.  Eleo watched him for a moment.  He had never seen Hux get onto the floor to fix something.  Maybe he moved around like that normally, but something about it seemed a little off.  He was having a hard time imagining General I-have-a-mile-long-stick-up-my-amazing-ass Hux crawling around on the floor. 

The General sat down and began fiddling with a battery and some wires, “It looks like at least part of it is electrical.  I’m going to start making some circuits.” 

“Yeah…you do that,” said Eleo. 

“Something wrong?” asked Hux. 

“Nothing just…nothing, guess being in an illusion kind of faked me out,” admitted the knight, though it was not exactly the most distracting thing on his mind at the moment. 

“And you wonder why I don’t like having my mind tampered with,” muttered the General dryly. 

“Fair point,” said Eleo, moving to study his own lock as Hux leaned over and seemed to be taking inventory of the parts they had available, organizing them into piles.  He kept glancing from the lock over to the General who didn’t seem to be aware of the wonders that position and his tactical gear were doing for his ass. 

A nice piece of ass…

Eleo grinned, “I don’t like my mind being messed with either, but sometimes it’s interesting to see how it goes…” 

   ***  

The first thing Mako felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  Suddenly he was facing Hathor, dressed in white Heian wedding robes.  He looked out and noticed that he was, in fact at a Heian style wedding, but it was not being held on Heian.  He was on The General’s ship, the Finalizer, but everything had been prepared after the style of his own culture.  Everyone was there, the knights, the General, and…

He saw his brother, the one who would not be caught dead setting foot off of Heian.  The one who wanted nothing to do with worlds beyond his own.  Hirotomo sat solemnly beside his own wife, Ryunosuke and Keiko. 

Hathor prodded him lightly, “Now’s the part where you kiss me, love.” 

“T’is not a thing I have the heart to do…” said Mako sadly, “For no part of the scene we set is true.” 

Mako woke up and found himself crushed against Hathor’s chest.  Both of their masks had been removed and his lover nearly wept for joy, “I was so scared.  You weren’t waking up.” 

“See how your love bids me rise,” said Mako, wrapping his arms around Hathor, “I am well, stay thy fear and rest easy.” 

Looking about the room he spotted the General standing awkwardly to the side as the two knights embraced each other.  He seemed to be the only one there with no sign of the others about.  The room was incredibly spacious, but closed.  It was worrisome, but not as much as it might have been if the room had been smaller, tighter.  As it was it was tolerable, but Mako would have appreciated being able to see a way out.  They were so far underground…

“How fare our boon companions?” asked Mako. 

“We don’t know…” said the General uneasily.  He looked about the room, “I think it’s trying to divide and conquer.  I deciphered an inscription on the wall.  We’re…” 

“Damsels in distress,” said Hathor with a slight grin and a shrug, “The doors are locked, can’t be forced from the inside and our mental connection is being cut off.  Basically we have to trust that whatever the others are doing, they’ll come rescue us.” 

It was an odd challenge.  Mako could not quite figure out who it was supposed to target.  The temple’s spirits had been so brutal with Gaius, obviously it was not exploiting his claustrophobia.  Being helpless annoyed the General and Hathor to a degree, but it was hardly debilitating.  Perhaps it was to test Kylo’s leadership abilities with one knight, a lieutenant, and his lover disappearing. 

“I don’t like sitting on my hands like this…” muttered Hux as he got down on the floor. 

Hathor waved him over, “Come now dear, don’t sit off by yourself.” 

“I was just going to read and pass the time…” said Hux, “It doesn’t really make much difference if I’m close to you or not.” 

Hathor let out a slight laugh and kissed Mako before moving closer to the General, “It’s much more pleasant to have company.  You should join us.” 

“I don’t really want to be a third wheel…” the General explained quietly before taking out his datapad. 

Mako leaned in closer and shook his head, “Thy presence is most welcome and fills us with mirth.  Thou art welcome a thousand times over.” 

“Don’t be silly,” Hathor more or less translated as he took Hux by the shoulder, “And there are better ways to pass the time than studying tactics.  There are other subjects you could use catching up on.” 

The General turned an appealing shade of red as he held his datapad, not really looking at it but refusing to put it down, “I…don’t think that’s…Kylo…” 

“Won’t mind,” said Hathor, putting an arm fondly around the General, “But if you don’t want to we understand.  This sort of thing really shouldn’t be forced.” 

“Love is blind but stumbles of her own accord,” agreed Mako, “Ne’er should she be forced from her nat’ral path.” 

“It’s not that it’s…I don’t…” said the General, trying to find the words to explain, “It’s not as if I’ve never kissed anyone before, I have, I just…I’m not…” 

“Well, if you want to practice, the three of us are stuck until someone breaks us out,” sighed Hathor, “It’s not as if any of us really has anything better to do.  Our powers are being blocked so we can’t even figure out how far away they are…” 

“That isn’t a strange thing to ask?” asked Hux. 

“I don’t mind, I like being kissed,” said Hathor, moving in a little closer to the General, “Don’t you?” 

“I…” the General began, likely not used to being asked that sort of question or admitting to it. 

“It’s a simple enough question to answer, General,” said Hathor smoothly, “Yes, or no?” 

The General seemed nervous before he timidly replied, “Yes…” 

Mako watched as Hathor closed the gap between them and gently kissed the General on the lips.  He had always been good at easing others into the idea of being touched.  On Heian it was rare for lovers or spouses to show their affection in public, so it had taken Mako a while to adjust to giving and receiving so much physical affection. 

It had actually started with Gaius, who enjoyed receiving hugs and other kinds of attention.  Hathor had been more than happy to oblige and Mako felt everything through the small knight’s nerves, finding himself tuning other things out so he could focus on the sensations.  It had not taken long for Hathor to notice Mako focusing attention on him.  He still remembered when the former sun priest looked up from where he had been holding Gaius, projecting playfulness and intrigue as his thoughts drifted over, ‘We could try it, if you wanted.’

He watched Hathor continue to kiss Hux, slow and careful, giving him plenty of opportunity and time to pull away if he felt he needed to.  Soft kisses gave way to gentle touches, Hathor lacing his long, elegant fingers in the General’s fiery locks.  Hux was visibly responding to it, relaxing and kissing back softly.  They were beautiful together, the General’s light skin and blazing hair contrasting brilliantly against Hathor’s dark hair and complexion.  They were like the sun and moon meeting and basking in each other’s glow. 

Smiling slightly to himself, he searched his mind for words to construct a poem about these two celestial bodies intertwining in a strange moment’s repose. 

   ***  

The first thing Gaius felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  He was sitting in what looked like a medical ward with an unfamiliar weight in his mouth.  He started slightly as he put a hand over his mouth and couldn’t feel the familiar ridges of his scars.  With a gasp he opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue.  But that wasn’t right.  This was against the rules.  Knights of Ren were not allowed to have their scars removed. 

He looked around and spotted Kylo, who smiled kindly, “We made an exception.” 

This wasn’t right.  Gaius had been upset when he realized after taking his vows that he couldn’t have his face reconstructed, but his brothers had supported and comforted him, helped him make his piece with the loss and gave him a way to communicate in spite of it.  This was something he had wanted, badly, but it was something he had learned to live without. 

“This isn’t happening,” said Gaius firmly, using his restored speech for the first and last time. 

He woke up sprawled out in the General’s arms.  Hux sighed and slumped forward slightly from relief, “Thank goodness…I couldn’t find any of the others.” 

Gaius moved his mouth to speak but all that came out of his mouth was a wordless tone.  He sighed lightly before holding the General’s hand, _‘What happened?’_

“We’re stuck in a maze,” said Hux, “Nobody’s contacted me, so either using powers isn’t allowed or they’re unconscious.  I’ve been trying to find my way around by following the wall.  You’re the first one I found.” 

 _‘So we’re all running around this maze?’_ asked Gaius. 

“Seems that way.  If we can make it to the exit I’m sure the others will be able to find a way out as well,” replied the General. 

Gaius got to his feet and brushed himself off before taking Hux’s hand again, _‘Guess we better get going.  We lost a lot of time with my challenge.  It’s starting to learn more about how to get to us.’_

“You made it through, that’s what counts,” said Hux, planting his free hand against the wall and following it, “And I am sorry…for shouting.” 

 _‘It worked, didn’t it?  Though…you’re kind of scary when you want to be,’_ noted Gaius. 

“I frighten you?” asked Hux curiously, “You’re all so much more powerful than me though.  Surely a little shouting isn’t anything that alarming.” 

 _‘It’s a bit hard to describe, but…when you want you can be really intimidating.  It’s kind of impressive.  You get this kind of aura, like you’re going to destroy everything in your path,’_ explained Gaius. 

Hux shrugged lightly, “Perhaps I will.” 

  ***  

The first thing Hathor felt upon arriving in the second chamber was the floor falling out from beneath his feet.  He looked about and saw that he was standing at the altar in the sun temple.  He looked about at the bright lights reflecting off mirrors that filled the room with a brilliant, golden glow.  He looked up and saw the face of the Sun God himself.  Not a statue, his true face, strong and regal, looking down at him evenly. 

Hathor scowled, “You aren’t real.  You never were.” 

The scene dissolved and Hathor found himself embraced by Mako, “Dearest brother of my heart!  How happy I am to find you well.” 

Hathor pushed him back and snarled.  This was not Mako.  After listening to hours of Mako’s poetry he understood his lover’s rhythms and word choices.  So there were two layers to this illusion.  He growled, “You aren’t Mako.  I’ve had enough of this!  I don’t want to stay here for another second!  I want you to let me out of this right now and-” 

He woke up, finding himself on his stomach.  He was on his feet as quickly as possible as he looked about.  Everyone was there, passed out, face first on the ground as if they had all suddenly fainted.  Hathor’s heart leapt in his throat as he tore his helmet off to look them over with his own eyes.  His voice quavering, he commanded, “Get…Get up.” 

Nobody moved. 

Hathor looked about, “You tried to fool me twice…that’s enough.  Trying to show me everyone like this.  It isn’t real.  Let me go.” 

The scene didn’t dissolve.  Kylo, Seigurd, E’Chon, Eleo, Gaius and Hux all lay lifelessly on the ground.  Hathor moved to Mako’s side, falling to his knees, gathering his love in his arms and shaking him, “Mako.  Mako wake up!  Wake up!” 

Mako didn’t respond. 

Hathor clamped his hands over his mouth as his breath began quickening.  He looked about, hearing nothing but silence where there were supposed to be thoughts and emotions buzzing about.  His love, his master and his comrades were all fallen about him and deaf to the sound of his voice.  With shaking, numb fingers he removed Mako’s mask.  Panicking, he tossed it aside and gave Mako another shake, “Mako wake up!  Please wake up!” 

Mako wasn’t moving.  His eyes were glazed over and his jaw was open and slack.  Hathor let out a shaky gasp as Mako lay unresponsive in his lap.  He shook his head, “No…you’re not dead…you aren’t dead!  Mako!  Mako wake up!  Wake up!” 

He lost all feeling in his arms when Mako did nothing but lie limp in his lap.  Hathor brought them to his face, unable to feel them grasping and clawing into his own skin and hair.  He could feel fearful tears start rolling down his cheeks, still unwilling to believe his own eyes.  He shook his head, tossing it wildly as if physically denying the situation could have some hope of changing it.  Mako still lay motionless across his legs. 

Mako was…

Hathor’s scream echoed through the chamber and fell on deaf ears. 


	15. He Will Give Me All The Empty Reasons Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Challenge continues. Bit of a warning for one character threatening another with noncon in this chapter. Also the next couple of chapters may contain...saucy...content. I'll try to keep it T, mostly because I don't think it's fair to change the rating without warning after like 15 chapters of fic. However, I've seen some T or pg-13/14 rated films that were pretty raunchy...

Hux lay with his back settled against Kylo’s chest.  The knight’s fingers glided through his short hair as he sighed contentedly.  He still wasn’t particularly happy about taking a break, but Gaius needed it and it was admittedly pleasant.  He waited a few minutes before he started to get anxious.  Every minute they stayed still was a moment the Temple could be analyzing them for weaknesses.  Hux glanced over his shoulder, “I think we should get moving soon?” 

“Soon,” replied Kylo soothingly, “We’re not quite ready to go yet.  Just relax for a minute.  You’re no good if your tensed and stressed out.” 

“I know, but I don’t want to give this place too much of an advantage,” said Hux. 

“It’ll be alright,” assured Kylo, “You really need to stop thinking so hard.” 

Kylo wrapped an arm around him lazily.  Hux settled against his shoulders as he tried and failed to relax.  All he could think about was an unknown, invisible enemy sifting through his mind and watching them while they sat and did nothing.  He did not even have any way to defend against this sort of surveillance.  He set his hand over Kylo’s, “This is making me very anxious.  Could we at least set a timer so I’ll know when we’re going?” 

“It’ll be fine, sit still for a little while,” said Kylo. 

This was not right.  Hux glanced over at Kylo.  He and the knight argued, but when something made him uncomfortable, the knight backed off.  If it was something that could not be helped they at least attempted to talk through it.  Kylo, right now, was giving him a command.  It was fine when they were working, giving each other commands in various scenarios was part of that.  Not like this though.  Not when it was the two of them alone, and especially not when one of them had vocalized their discomfort.

“I want to stand up,” said Hux firmly. 

Kylo tightened his grip, “I told you to relax.”

Hux froze.  This wasn’t right.  None of this was right.  He looked to the knights for some sort of acknowledgement that this situation was horribly wrong.  They were watching, regarding him with cold looks, not seeming to be themselves at all.  They weren’t ignoring him or what was happening, watching what was happening accusingly. 

“Kylo, let go,” said Hux quickly, “I don’t like this.”

“This was never about you ‘liking this,’” said Kylo coldly.  His voice darkened as he growled in Hux’s ear, “Force-Null.” 

Hux’s eyes widened, “This isn’t real.  You aren’t Kylo.” 

He expected the scene to fall away, like the terrace had before.  But it stayed.  The cold, accusing stares and Kylo’s arm, firm as a band of durasteel wrapped around his chest all remained.  Kylo, or a spirit that had taken his shape and used his voice chuckled in his ear, “Go ahead Force-Null, try to struggle.  You managed to pass due to an oversight before.  Are you really arrogant enough to think you stand a chance among us?” 

Hux moved to take ‘Kylo’s’ arm, to flip him, but his body froze.  It felt like the previous room, except this time the Force was squeezing him on all sides.  The spirit using Kylo’s appearance cupped his jaw in his hand, “Such a pretty human.  It’s the only reason they chose you.  Your face is the only part of that head of yours with any value.  Everything inside it is useless.”

“Stop it!” snapped Hux, “I saw through your illusion.  I don’t want to be here.  Let me go!” 

“Still thinking you can make commands, how arrogant,” huffed ‘Hathor.’ 

“You draw breath at our pleasure, Force-Null,” added ‘Mako.’ 

Hux felt an incredibly large hand, the size of E’Chon’s, wrap around his neck and squeeze.  He heard the large knight’s voice, “We could break you now.  It would be easy.” 

 _‘We could scramble your precious mind into nonsense,’_ teased Gaius’ piping voice in his head. 

“And yet you still struggle,” observed ‘Seigurd,’ “Very odd for a Force-Null.” 

“You can’t win.  We’ll break you.  No…” said ‘Eleo,’ grinning to himself, “Let’s have them turn on you, have them break you.  Just what a two-faced Force-Null like you deserves.” 

“I don’t know…” said ‘Kylo’ from behind him with a dark chuckle.  Hux felt a kiss being pressed to his neck and redoubled his efforts to break away, “This would break you wouldn’t it?  If I held you down and forced you while wearing this face?  Your little Force-Null heart would snap in half.”

“Don’t!” Hux snarled. 

“You’re defiling this place with your presence.  Why not return the favor?  Lie still and there’ll be less pain while your precious mind is reduced to nothingness,” said ‘Kylo,’ kissing at the corner of his mouth and tugging at his tactical vest, “Unless you swear to leave this place.” 

“No!” Hux gasped before he steeled himself.  He would be calm.  He wouldn’t let these spirits shake him.  He wouldn’t give them the fear they wanted.  Hux continued, growling, “Can’t you sense it?  All the hate I have inside me?  You think I’ll break?  I’ll use it against you.  I’ll get out of this and use all my hate to make them stronger and send them after you.” 

‘Kylo’ squeezed him tighter and blew against his ear, “Your desire is apparent, but would they obey that command if they knew what you’ve done to everyone who drew too close to you?” 

Hux gritted his teeth, “Why don’t you stop using your powers as a crutch and see exactly what I do when someone gets too close?” 

The spirit gave a slight laugh, “Very well Force-Null, enjoy your knights while you have them.  A few hours is all you’ll have before they turn their backs on you.  I hope you’ll make that precious time last.” 

   ***

Hathor had only noticed Mako was breathing after what felt like hours of clutching his motionless body to his chest and sobbing like a child over him.  He had started when he felt breath against his neck.  Laying him down Hathor finally realized he was alive, just unresponsive.  He shook with relief and took a few minutes to gather himself.  Mako was alive.  This must have been the end of the challenge, a two layered illusion.  He just needed to wait for the others to catch up to him. 

When feeling returned to his limbs he set to work.  He needed to do something while the others were like this.  He got them onto their backs in what he hoped was a more comfortable position, removing masks and helmets, thinking perhaps they might breathe a little easier.  With that done he walked about the room, circling fretfully, waiting for them to show any sort of sign of life.  Calling out with his mind proved useless as well.  Aside from breathing and a heartbeat, the seven of them were dead to the world. 

He circled around, again and again, watching intently for anything.  A twitch, a gasp, but there was nothing.  Just the sounds of his own footsteps echoing off the walls.  He thought about sitting down, but he wanted to be on his feet.  They might need him, and he didn’t know which of them might wake up first.  He looked over seven pairs of dead, glazed eyes, hoping one of them might blink or flutter. 

Suddenly Hux bolted upright and gasped for breath. 

“General!” Hathor cried, rushing to him. 

“Stay back!” Hux shouted, reaching for his blaster. 

Hathor stopped, recalling how he couldn’t tell if anything was real or not after the second illusion.  Hux was trembling, clearly having experienced something awful.  Hathor could feel fear and agitation spilling off of him in spades.  He had felt this before, on other people.  People who had nearly been…

“General, it’s me,” assured Hathor, raising his hands, “There were only two layers.  This is real.” 

“How do I know that?” snapped Hux, “Prove it.” 

Hathor breathed in sharply through his nose, trying to think of a way to prove he was, in fact, the real Hathor and this room was real.  He glanced about, “We first met in a lavatory on your ship.  You were trying to wash your hands with that disgusting pink slime.  You were flustered because Mako was flirting with you, and you weren’t used to it.” 

“This place accessed my memories, I can’t trust that,” said Hux, calming only slightly with his hand still hovering over his blasters, “Hathor please, I want you to be real, but I need to know.  It’s learned how to put on decent impressions of all of us.” 

“Mako isn’t waking up and I’m scared!” exclaimed Hathor, waving a hand over the others.  He took a few breaths before asking, “Your second illusion, what was it?  Are they all being…?” 

His outburst seemed to affect Hux, who was surprised and then concerned.  The General slowly moved to his feet and looked about, “Are they still breathing?” 

“Yes, and they all have a pulse but…I can’t sense them.  I can see them but they aren’t here,” said Hathor, trying to calm down again. 

“What was your second illusion?” asked Hux. 

“I…I can barely recall.  Mako, or someone pretending to be him spoke to me.  It sounded disgustingly wrong, so I told it to stop.  It all happened in a few seconds,” explained Hathor. 

“It didn’t attack you?” asked Hux. 

Hathor shook his head, moving in closer now that he was confident Hux wasn’t going to try to shoot him, “It was over so fast, I couldn’t tell…you were…?” 

“It tried,” admitted Hux, crossing his arms over his chest.  Hathor did not need the Force to know Hux felt incredibly violated.  His posture was defensive and he suddenly stopped making eye contact, “It…it was pretending to be all of you.  It used my memories, held me down and…god, it kissed me…” 

Hathor reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, “You know it’s not…it’s not being unfaithful if you thought it was Kylo the whole time.” 

“Hathor it…” Hux shrank in on himself slightly and his voice became much quieter, “It kissed me after it held me down…I told it to stop and it kept…” 

Instinctively he pulled Hux against him, holding the taller man tightly, “It’s over now.  It’s all over, General.” 

“I’m…forgive me…” said Hux, awkwardly pulling back, “This…this must be very trying for you as well.” 

“You need a hug, I need to hold something,” said Hathor bluntly.  He pulled Hux back in, “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry that happened.  We wouldn’t have brought you if we knew it would do something like that.” 

“It’s alright, let’s…let’s wait for them a while.  I’m sure they’ll wake up soon,” replied Hux. 

   ***  

Gaius followed Hux, holding the General’s right hand as he trailed his left along the wall.  It was a smart way to solve a maze like this.  Time consuming since there were no markers to tell how much progress they had made, but it was the surest way to find the end of it.  He kept an eye and ear out for sound and movement, hoping he might spot one of the others or hear armour clicking.  He kept his mind as open as possible as well, in case one of them reached out to him. 

They followed the wall to a clearing and a doorway with eight sections.  Hux looked it over, “What do you suppose this is?” 

Gaius looked over the door and touched one of the eight tiles.  It moved in slightly and stopped.  He tried to touch another, but it wouldn’t budge.  He looked up at Hux, _‘Looks like there’s a section for each of us.’_

The General selected a tile and pressed it.  It slid inwards the way Gaius’ tile had before stopping.  Hux sighed and looked at it disapprovingly, “I guess this is all we can do until the others arrive.  Eleo Ren should be able to figure this out fairly quickly.  I’m a bit worried for E’Chon though…” 

 _‘He’ll be okay.  He’s not that good at puzzles, but he doesn’t give up,’_ said Gaius.  He had a hard time believing E’Chon would let himself be defeated by a bunch of cunningly arranged bricks. 

“No, I suppose he doesn’t,” said Hux quietly.  He looked about, trying to peer around corners at the exit, “Though I hope he figures it out soon.  Or charges through the bloody walls.” 

Gaius sat down on the floor and rested with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hand.  The others would come soon, he was sure of it.  The General sighed again before settling in beside him, taking a similar posture, keeping a hand on Gaius’ leg in case they needed to talk.  They waited a while, but the lack of sound or movement coming from the maze was disheartening.  Eleo at least should have made it by now or possibly Seigurd, divining his way out with the Force. 

Gaius leaned against Hux, _‘I’m…I’m getting worried.  Can I stay like this?’_

“Of course,” said Hux softly, wrapping an arm around him and squeezing reassuringly, “I’m sure they’re fine.  We just need to be patient a little longer.” 

 _‘I know…waiting is just so hard.  We separate for missions a lot but we can still sort of feel each other.  This is…’_ Gaius tried to explain. 

“I know,” replied the General, resting the top of his head against Gaius’.  He nuzzled close, “How about we try to take our minds off of it?  A word game?” 

 _‘I know one Mako taught us.  You say a word that starts with the last character of the one that came before it.  So if I said ‘coil,’ the next word could be something like-’_ Gaius began to explain. 

“Love,” replied Hux. 

_‘Enter.’_

“Rest.” 

_‘Try.’_

“Yearn.” 

_‘Nerf.’_

“Fear.”

Gaius paused.  He had not expected those sorts of answers from Hux.  They were all correct, but he would have expected Hux to reply with military terms, tactical positions, mathematical words, or perhaps geographical points.  That was where his mind usually tended to wander.  Perhaps he was tired.  Perhaps this was all starting to get to him.  Or maybe worrying about Kylo was making his mind wander to places it usually didn’t. 

 _‘He’ll be okay,’_ assured Gaius, _‘He gets frustrated easily, but he knows you’re waiting.  He won’t let you down.’_

“Thank you…It’s very difficult waiting,” said Hux. 

Gaius wrapped an arm around him in return and snuggled himself close, _‘It’ll all be fine.  I promise.  Is there anything I can do to help?  You tried so hard to help me before.’_

“I…” Hux began awkwardly before trailing off.  He managed to find his voice again after a moment or two, swallowing on nothing before he spoke, “I liked when you kissed me…” 

It was surprising, coming from the General, but these sorts of situations sometimes made people crave affection.  Gaius knew that was what happened to him.  When he was upset he liked to be held and cuddled.  He leaned up and kissed Hux’s cheek.  Hux smiled softly at that, “And…could I kiss you as well?” 

 _‘Of course,_ ’ said Gaius. 

“On your mouth…could I kiss you on the lips?” mumbled Hux. 

 _‘You want to?  I mean…I know you’re always saying you don’t mind I just…so many people get scared or say how gross it looks…’_ Gaius replied nervously. 

“I’m not afraid,” assured Hux firmly before pressing their lips together. 

Hux kissed gently, but firmly, in a way that assured Gaius that the lightness and softness came from a desire not to cause pain, not because he was disgusted by all the scarring.  Gaius kissed him back, too thankful and satisfied by the attention to question it.  He had wanted this, admittedly.  He had been a little bit in love with the General for a long time but he was always worried about upsetting him.  Especially since he had been raised to be so monogamous…

Gaius stiffened slightly before pulling back, _‘Wait…what about Kylo?’_

Hux looked at him arching his brow, “You told me it was alright, that he doesn’t mind.  I believe you.” 

The shift was too sudden.  Hux was still working through everything.  Gaius knew it was going to take weeks, if not months, before Hux was comfortable enough to be intimate with knights who weren’t Kylo.  This was wrong.  Hux wouldn’t do this. 

 _‘No, you wouldn’t do this, you love Kylo,’_ said Gaius firmly. 

“I do, but…” Hux gave him a slightly coy look, “You were always my favorite.” 

Gaius stood up and glared down at him, _‘That isn’t what that means.  You’re not the General.  I don’t know what this is, but I want it to stop!  I want to go back to the others!’_

‘Hux’ arched his brow and frowned slightly, “Isn’t this what you desired?” 

 _‘No, I want my brothers,’_ said Gaius, keeping a hand over his blaster. 

‘Hux’ gave a light shrug, “Suit yourself, Knight of Ren.” 

   ***  

Gaius gasped for breath as he bolted upright.  He immediately sensed Hathor reconnecting with him, his overwhelming joy and relief, as well as worry that the others had not woken up yet.  The General was there as well, rushing over to him.  Gaius took a second to observe him, to make sure that this was the real General Hux and not just some illusion.  It seemed to be him, but something was off.  He was more closed off than usual, his posture had shifted slightly.  It was him, but something was wrong. 

“Are you alright Gaius?” asked Hux, kneeling next to him. 

Gaius took his hand and searched his surface thoughts.  It was a stream of hyper-alertness, fear, anxiety, all wordless except for recurring thought.  Violation.  If Hux’s second illusion had been anything like his own, that was easy to understand.  The whole exercise had been dubious.  Thinking he was kissing someone he loved when it was a stranger wearing his face.  Hux wouldn’t enjoy something like that at all. 

 _‘I’m okay,’_ said Gaius. 

“Oh thank god…” said Hathor, throwing his arms around the small knight, “You’re the third.  The others are still out.  Gaius, what happened in the second illusion?  I need to know so we can figure this out.” 

Gaius looked at Hux sheepishly.  It was probably going to upset him, but it would upset him more if he refused to talk about it to Hux and only told Hathor about his experience.  He brought a hand to his face, noticing he had been unmasked as he wiped imaginary sweat from his brow, _‘It started.  There was that first illusion, the one that was obviously fake.  Then I woke up in a maze and…the General was there.’_

Hux stiffened slightly and Gaius continued, _‘It looked like you, but it wasn’t you.  I hadn’t realized it yet.  It said that we had to get out of the maze, so I followed him.  We got out and then we waited for everyone else.  We…’_ Gaius looked up at Hux, _‘General, I’m really sorry.  I thought it was you and I thought you were okay with it.  It asked me to kiss it so I…’_

“It’s alright,” said Hux quietly, hugging his own arms to his chest, “It tricked you.  It’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” 

 _‘But that was when I realized you’d never do that.  I told it to stop and…it hesitated.  It asked if this was what I desired and then it…it must have let me go because I woke up,’_ explained Gaius. 

“It didn’t keep going after you told it to stop?” asked Hathor. 

 _‘No.  Why?  Did…’_ Gaius looked over at Hux who kept his eyes trained on the floor, _‘…General…I don’t…I’m so sorry…’_

 “It released me immediately when I asked it to.  I think I might have surprised it by being so quick,” murmured Hathor, “But…it’s starting to look like it deliberately attacked you.  The Temple tends to try to frighten away challengers instead of killing them.  I…think it might be best if you turned back.  I’m sure it would let you out.”

“It…it just held me down and kissed me…nothing terribly damaging.  I’ll be alright once I’ve collected my nerves.  I can keep going,” said Hux. 

“General,” said Hathor seriously, “I’ve never experienced this sort of thing, but I’ve sensed it in other people.  Just because an attack wasn’t debilitating doesn’t mean it should be dismissed.  I think it might be best to turn back for your own safety.” 

“Let’s…let’s give it a minute,” said Hux, “I’ll have my head clear and we can discuss it with the others when they wake up.  Hathor, I don’t want to turn back.  I won’t be intimidated into backing out.” 

 _‘Standing up for yourself won’t do much good if it tries something like that again,’_ warned Gaius, _‘We need you, and your crew needs you.  I know turning back would sting a lot, but nobody wants you to get hurt.’_

Hathor sighed, “I argued in favor of you coming but…I didn’t think something like this would happen.  I’m really starting to think this might be too dangerous.” 

“It was just a kiss,” said Hux firmly, “I’ll get over it.  It didn’t hurt me so I’ll be fine.” 

_‘He’s so unbelievably stubborn…’_

_‘I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.  His command is really important to him.  He wouldn’t put that in danger.’_

_‘I don’t think he realizes how serious mental trauma can be.  Typical soldier, thinking he can muscle through anything that doesn’t make him bleed…’_

_‘I’m not good with sensing what he’s feeling exactly but…is he okay?  I didn’t…I didn’t make it worse did I?  By thinking those things about him…’_

_‘He feels…he feels shocked, and violated, but not because of you.  He knows how we feel about him and he knows you didn’t do it to hurt him.’_

_‘Will he be okay?’_

_‘With some time, I think so.’_

_‘Will you be okay?’_

Gaius looked up at Hathor.  Even with his limited sensitivity he could sense worry spilling off of Hathor and flooding the room.  Hathor looked over at Mako, _‘I’ll be better when he wakes up…I hope he’s alright…’_

_‘I think it’s trying to trap us.  Tempt us with something we want, but know is impossible first so we drop our guard, then show us something we still want, but it’s believable so we’re more inclined to give in.’_

_‘I suppose we can try to confirm that when more of us wake up…I broke the illusion so fast I couldn’t get much information, and I don’t want to make the General talk about it.  He still feels uncomfortable.’_

_‘Are you sure he doesn’t want to talk?  Force-Nulls can’t take comfort in the Force or connecting with someone else’s thoughts like we can.  We can ask, and then if he projects too much discomfort we can stop.’_

_‘If you think it might help him, we might as well try…’_

“General,” said Hathor, sitting back slightly to give them more space, “Would you…can you tell us exactly what happened?  We’re trying to figure out what exactly this challenge is.” 

Hux crossed his arms a little more tightly and furrowed his brow, but Gaius could feel a compulsion to press on.  He steeled himself, “I broke the first illusion without any problems.  It was incredibly obvious it wasn’t real.  Then…all of us were in a room like this one.  Kylo suggested we rest, since the last challenge had been so physically demanding.  I agreed and we all sat down.  He…It offered to rub my back.  Kylo does that so often I thought nothing of it.  I waited a few minutes but…something felt off.  Every time I asked to be let up it encouraged me to stay.  I finally told it outright to release me, that I disliked it and wanted to be let go but…” 

Hux paused for a moment, “It didn’t.  It started calling me Force-Null.  It said I was defiling this place by being here but…it was almost like it was daring me to press on.  If it wanted me to turn back right away I think it would have done much worse things from the beginning.  And if it wanted me dead…It could probably have taken care of that by now.  If we want to be realistic about this place, it could probably pick me up with its power, toss me out and forcibly keep me out if it really wanted to, but it isn’t...” 

Hathor considered that as Gaius squeezed Hux’s fingers, _‘You’re the first person without the Force to challenge it…I don’t really know what to say…It’s letting you stay but it’s obviously being hard on you.’_

“I don’t really know what to say either…” muttered Hathor, “It’s not as if I expected this to be easy.  I just wasn’t expecting…” 

He glanced over at Mako.  Gaius took Hathor’s hand, _‘He’ll be okay.  Once he realizes you aren’t there with him he’ll wake up.  I’m sure he will.’_

   ***  

It had been slow, gradual, but Hathor and the General began kissing each other more passionately.  Hathor tugged gently at Hux’s hair, whispering about how much he admired the colour between kisses and pulling the General close.  It was still nothing close to the levels Mako usually reached with Hathor, but Hux had become so caught up in the sensations that he seemed totally oblivious to anything else.  He was completely pliant as Hathor moved forward, guiding Hux onto his back. 

“See,” said Hathor, “Not so bad, is it?” 

Hux breathless from being kissed, could only nod. 

“Would you like it if Mako kissed you as well?” asked Hathor, stroking his hair back. 

“You’re…you’re sure it’s alright?” asked Hux. 

“Of course.  We’ve been giving you space, as much as we can, but we’ve all been wanting to kiss you for a long time,” said Hathor gently. 

“Oh…” replied the General sheepishly. 

Mako watched the door.  He was content to wait, knowing there was nothing that he could do.  If living on Heian had taught him anything it was the importance of patience and meditation.  It was how he survived being on a shuttle for so many hours at a time.  Something was off though.  As challenging as the Living Temple was supposed to be, he would have thought the others would be quicker with their efforts.  Kylo certainly would not be one to sit about while his General might be in danger.  He also disliked being cut off from the others, and knew Hathor hated it just as much, if not more.  Yet he was surprisingly calm. 

“Is something wrong, love?” asked Hathor. 

“Surely the sun has tarried far indeed,” noted Mako, “Does it not serve to fret thy waiting mind?  It strikes a terror in my fainting soul.” 

Hathor sighed and furrowed his brow slightly, “There’s nothing to be done.  We can’t force the door, we can’t call for assistance.  All we can do is wait…I thought doing this might help.” 

“A most perplexing place in truth I find…” muttered Mako to himself. 

“Sit with us, love, let’s just…try to take our minds off it,” suggested Hathor, “If we just sit here doing nothing it’s going to eat at us.” 

Mako looked over at Hux who seemed to be more submissive than usual.  He was used to the General looking and feeling a bit out of place when it came to physical affection, but he at least made attempts at being active in one on one scenarios.  At the moment he seemed much more lost than he normally was, allowing Hathor to guide him.  It was so close to being normal, but that fraction of strangeness made the way he was behaving eerie and uncanny. 

Mako moved in closer, “Thy martial mind doth wander with unrest?” 

Hux nodded, “I’m…forgive me.  This is new for me and…I hate sitting on my hands like this.  I just want to forget this is happening, pretend the others aren’t facing something I can’t help them with.” 

“Fret not my most worthy rose of battle, our goodly master surely makes his charge to free us from this daunting place,” said Mako, trying to comfort him as he leaned in closer. 

Hathor gave a slight sigh, “Will you let us take your mind off of it?” 

“I…if it’s…” Hux began, his strict and repressive upbringing leaving him unable to finish. 

Hathor looked at Mako and nodded in Hux’s direction, encouraging him to act. Mako wanted to help, he disliked seeing the General in such distress but something felt…off.  He couldn’t quite place his finger on it but something about the whole set up didn’t seem quite right.  Still, Hux seemed so upset, close to becoming distraught.  He had to help, and he trusted Hathor’s judgement when it came to the right time and place to give affection.  He only wished their connection wasn’t being blocked so he could send the General feelings of calm and peacefulness as well. 

He moved in and kissed Hux gently, his lips just as soft as they had been on his cheek.  Instantly he thought of things he might compare them with.  Flower pettles, downy feathers, and bolts of silk.  He put a hand on the General’s cheek to steady him.  He was admittedly not good at gaging people’s emotions without his powers the way Gaius was, but the way Hux stopped shaking so much told him that this must be helping somehow. 

The General kissed him back meekly, uncertainly, as if seeking approval.  He received it as Hathor ran a hand through his hair before wrapping his arms around his waist, “It’s alright dear, we’ll help you through it.  You’re in good hands.”


	16. He will Give Me All The Empty Reasons Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Temple spirit by design was meant to be a huge dick...

Eleo knew the Hux that was fiddling with odds and ends was a fake.  A fairly convincing fake, but nonetheless it wasn’t him.  It was also interesting to note that the fake adapted.  Every time Eleo thought it was doing something the real Hux wouldn’t, like trying to assemble a circuit without a power source, the spirit impersonating him would adapt, correcting itself based on the information it took from Eleo’s mind.  He also noted the way it positioned itself.  Unlike the General who took pains not to give his back when Eleo was around, was constantly sitting or moving in a way that pushed out his hips. 

“Hey Red, come here a minute,” said Eleo curiously. 

There was such a short distance ‘Hux’ did not even bother getting up.  He crawled over, spine arched slightly so his ass was high in the air, “What is it?” 

“I think you know what it is,” said Eleo, “What exactly is going on here?” 

“I’m making circuits,” said the fake, arching his brow. 

“Drop it.  I know what’s going on here.  You give us one illusion to fake us out, then while we’re still reeling you give us a slightly more believable one.  What’s your game, exactly?” he asked, “Obviously you don’t let us go as we figure it out or I would have been gone a while ago.” 

The fake looked at him quizzically before laying on its side, curling up seductively, “You must have heard stories about incubi before.  Think of me as something like that.  In life I specialized in illusions and mind tricks, most specifically when it came to desires.  I love getting a chance to seduce and torment again.” 

“Interesting, but that doesn’t answer the question,” said Eleo. 

“Well I gave you enough hints to make it obvious,” said the fake, spreading himself out and making a noise halfway between a moan and a sigh, “It feels good to drop that act.  I don’t know much about mechanics, and your Force-Null is so repressed and stuffy.” 

“His name is Hux,” said Eleo,

“Well, Hux is too stuffy,” said the fake, still all smiles with the General’s face, “Though you all want him.  I can see why.  He’s got a nice face, a good body, and you all get to baby him while he learns to emote.  You can be nurturing with him while having no hang-ups about fucking him the way you would if you were really his care givers.” 

The fake rolled onto its back and hummed as it opened its tactical vest and reached up its shirt, running gloved hands over his bare chest, “Mm…I looked in his mind for a little while.  If he didn’t hold back so much he’d be the things perverted dreams are made of.  He can be domineering or naïve, an experienced commander but shy when it comes to emotions and affection.  So versatile.  He can fill each and every one of your fantasies once he gets over his issues.  It’s easy to see why you keep him around.” 

“Yeah, okay, we’re done here,” said Eleo. 

“Are we?  You know you don’t just get to leave because you found out this isn’t real,” said the fake, “You said so yourself.  Go on, Knight of Ren, tell me how you get me to release you from this place.  If you can, I’ll let you out.” 

Eleo thought for a moment.  It might have something to do with the locks, but that was unlikely.  It might have something to do with the nature of illusions, but clearly figuring them out wasn’t the key to being released.  In all likelihood it had something to do with desire and overcoming it. 

Eleo crossed his arms and announced adamantly, “I don’t want him.  Not like this.” 

 _“_ Oh, so close.  You’re on the right track, but you haven’t quite figured it out,” teased the fake, removing its gloves to touch his bare skin, “Ah…mm…I looked into his mind to make myself seem authentic…ah…h-he’s so sensitive…so touch starved…being touched in a copy of his body feels so good…” 

“Well would you mind not getting your freak on while wearing my friend’s face?  Shit’s obnoxious,” grumbled Eleo, turning his back on the fake Hux as it touched itself. 

“The others don’t seem to mind.  All your friends are enjoying your Force-Null right now…or at least what they think is your Force-Null,” chuckled the fake, “Maybe you’re supposed to give in.  Unleash those desires and commit fully to the darkness.” 

“I’m not going to take advice from someone whose whole shtick is tricking people with sex,” said Eleo.  Though the thing did have a point.  Kylo struggled with an affinity for both light and darkness.  If the spirits of the Temple presented a challenge where Kylo had to do something heinous to give himself over to the dark side, he would struggle with it.   But if that was the case, why all the puzzles and illusions?  Why all the tempting?  Obviously the spirit’s preferred modus operandi was trickery through sex, but why use that unless there was some purpose to it?

The fake gasped and whimpered as it pulled up his shirt and circled its nipples, “Oh…b-by the Maker he’s sensitive…mm…h-he feels so good…if this is just what his tits feel like, full-blown sex must be incredi-” 

“Would you cut that out!?” snapped Eleo. 

“Come on, you practically gift wrap this amazing body for me to copy and tempt you with and expect me not to enjoy it?” huffed the fake.  It grinned at him, “You can enjoy it too.  It’s not like there’s anything better to do while you wait and think.  Maybe it’s even what you’re supposed to do.  Resisting him isn’t getting you anywhere, is it?” 

It sat up, opening its pants and leaning back slightly, showing off Hux’s bare chest, “You can’t tell me you haven’t been thinking about this.  If resisting that urge isn’t working, should you continue hoping for different results or try something new?” 

Eleo gritted his teeth as he tried to think of a way around this.  It was right, ignoring the urge wasn’t working, unless the challenge was to resist this annoying asshole to the bitter end.  He could try doing what the thing said, but his gut was telling him that it was the wrong answer, that there was another solution he hadn’t thought of yet.  But what was it?  If it wasn’t supressing a desire or giving into it, what was it?  What sort of riddle was this? 

“Well, if you’re just going to sit there and think, I’m going to enjoy your Force-Null’s tits,” said the fake with a grin, “And when I get bored with those, I know he has lots of other places that drive him insane.  You picked a good vessel, it was worth taking the time to study and copy him.  He feels amazing.” 

Eleo moved forward and closed the fake’s shirt, “Stop it.  We didn’t bring him here for that.” 

“Oh, but didn’t you?  He’s a vessel.  We all know how to make those their most effective,” taunted the fake. 

“Maybe so, but even if we did, what makes you think we’d want you touching him?” demanded Eleo. 

“Well…if you don’t want me touching him, you had better solve my puzzle,” teased the fake, looking up at him with Hux’s ocean eyes and orange lashes before darting its tongue lewdly over Hux’s lips, “Shouldn’t you?” 

   *** 

E’Chon pinned the soft-handed General to the wall.  He kissed back fiercely, his post battle haze gripping him strongly.  He could not recall the General having such a response before, but he had never been in the thick of a fight to E’Chon’s knowledge.  Blood was splattered and smeared over his lithe body as he squirmed against the wall, trying to place himself at a good angle to press closer.  E’Chon took care of that for him, keeping him locked against the wall, chests flush together as he broke off their fevered kisses to begin an assault on the General’s neck. 

“Oh…just a little high- there!  Right there…” purred the General, before breaking off into pleased, animalistic sounds. 

It was the conquest he had been hoping for.  The General was thoroughly enjoying it as well, pliantly leaning back and allowing himself to be ravished, reciprocating as best he could with what little experience he had to guide him.  He seemed to know exactly what he wanted though.  The General reached down, guiding E’Chon’s hand to the slight curve of his backside, “Here…touch me here?” 

E’Chon gripped it tightly, earning another gasp as the General clung to him and gave himself up to be touched.  He babbled almost nonsensically, “I…I didn’t know I was this…M-more…please…I need it…” 

It was not uncommon for someone to completely lose all their inhibitions after a battle.  Excess chemicals from the mind meant to spur a fighter on needed to channel the aggressions they brought on into something else.  After seeing and causing destruction there was an impulse for creation to balance it.  It was natural.  It was good to see the General finally giving in to his urges, letting them take over and have their way.  E’Chon often thought he might burst without such an outlet.  Perhaps he was bursting right now.  All of his repressed desires and urges had come welling up and he needed to have them satisfied. 

The General began clawing at the vest where he kept his weapons and contraptions, allowing E’Chon to hold him upright against the wall as he removed it.  He blushed brightly before pulling up his shirt, “H-Here too…please…” 

E’Chon revelled in it.  The sight of his submission and the feeling of his slight, trembling body trapped between him and the wall.  He ran a calloused over The General’s slim chest, feeling him shiver under the touch and press as close to his hand as he could, arching against it and looking up at him pleadingly as he rambled, “I…I didn’t know I was this sensitive…it’s been so long…” 

E’Chon shifted his grip, hiking the General further up his torso before pinning him again.  He kissed at the General’s chest, causing him to start mewling, completely undignified, as he laced his fingers through E’Chon’s long, black hair.  The General panted lightly, “Please…please…don’t stop…” 

   ***  

“Please…please…don’t stop…” 

Kylo nipped at Hux’s neck as he worked at the belt his blasters and other equipment hung from.  He hummed as he continued to kiss and taste Hux’s skin and the apple tarts.  Hux panted, begging him to keep going.  Why on earth had they been waiting so long?  Kylo had been so frightened of Hux saying ‘no,’ of thinking what he was strange, so he kept putting it off.  Hux felt so good though.  If he’d just said something weeks, months ago, they could have shared this so much sooner. 

“Is this making you feel good?” Kylo asked, pulling Hux in closer and letting his belts fall away. 

“Yes…it’s so good,” gasped Hux, wrapping his arms around Kylo and pulling him closer, encouraging him to continue. 

Kylo grinned against his skin, happy to be giving him so much pleasure.  He tugged at the loose fitting pants, dragging them down and feeling the weight of all the little devices in his pockets.  Hux wriggled out of them, eager to shed them as they were pushed down past his knees…

Kylo felt something strange under his hands.  Silk, definitely silk.  He looked down at Hux’s legs and saw a pair of pink stockings that came up just to his knee.  It was odd.  He hadn’t seen those before on Hux or in his closet.  He was about to ask about it when Hux spoke up, “I…th-they make me feel…don’t tell anyone…please?” 

“I won’t,” said Kylo, kissing his cheek.  He smiled and trailed his fingers over the soft fabric, “But they look good on you.  I don’t mind you wearing them.” 

He swiped a thumb over Hux’s neck, smearing the tart filling over him before lapping at it and teasingly playing with the hem of the stockings.  He hadn’t expected Hux to wear pink ones, or anything pink for that matter.  They looked good though, almost innocent as he laid against him dressed in pink and covered with sweets.  Kylo nuzzled him before humming and murmuring, “You’re so sweet…” 

“I…I like being sweet for you…” confessed Hux, blushing brightly. 

 _“_ Sweet and perfect,” said Kylo, kissing his cheek, “Can I give you more?” 

Hux pulled Kylo closer, “Keep going…don’t stop...I want this so badly…” 

“Okay, just lie back, I’ll make sure you feel good,” promised Kylo. 

“I trust you…I know you’ll take good care of me…”

   ***  

“I trust you…I know you’ll take good care of me…” 

Everyone was exhausted, most of all the vessel.  They had made progress, but it wasn’t enough.  It seemed the room needed to be filled with darkness.  Thankfully it did not ebb and flow, but stayed fixed, waiting for enough darkness to be produced.  Seigurd looked about the room briefly.  What they had done to the vessel filled the room partly, but it would require more, so much more, and he was exhausted.  Perhaps the Temple meant to test him and his worth as a vessel in this way.  A physical challenge as it had been with Gaius Ren. 

He lay back, panting, his head cradled on Kylo’s arm.  Seigurd lay on his other side, running a hand soothingly through his hair, “You did very well vessel.” 

Normally the vessel would turn and give him an unsettled look at such a comment before ignoring him.  He seemed to understand what he meant now, turning and nuzzling against his hand, taking in every comfort he was offered, “Did we make it?” 

Seigurd looked about before shaking his head slightly, “It wasn’t enough.” 

“I…I see…” said the vessel quietly, “Was it…did I do something…?” 

“No, you served your purpose well.  I think this place means to test you.  Your endurance and dedication,” explained Seigurd, stroking the vessel’s face.  It was soft and lovely.  Once he began touching it he felt no desire to stop. 

The vessel nodded slightly, “So I have to…again?” 

Seigurd stopped at that.  He wanted to.  He very much wanted to feel the intense darkness produced when he and his brothers converged on the vessel.  The feelings of unity, strength and the overwhelming pleasure the vessel experienced.  He did want to feel them, but there was another desire, something more…

“We’re pretty exhausted,” said Kylo.  He trailed off and kissed the vessel, explaining to him softly and kindly, “We may need to…take turns…are you alright with that or do you want to stop for a while?” 

The vessel flushed slightly at the implication and nodded before answering quietly, “I understand…it’s…it’s alright.  But are you alright with-?” 

Kylo kissed the vessel again, “I can feel you through them, and I’ll be right here.  If you need to stop, just say so and I’ll make sure it stops.” 

The vessel looked up at Seigurd, docile, deferential, ready to submit.  He flushed and removed the cloak he had been covered with to keep him warm and comfortable.  His eyes were full of worry, but there was also a deep trust and desire for guidance.  He finally seemed compelled to turn away when Seigurd supposed his gaze had lingered a little too long on the vessel’s body for his comfort, “I’m…do I please you?” 

“You please me very much, vessel,” Seigurd whispered softly, trailing a hand down the vessel’s cheek to rest on his chest, “I may not have told you…but you’re a beautiful vessel, filled with such darkness.  It is an honour that you would bare yourself for our pleasure.” 

He was still modest and demure, but he looked up, almost adoringly as he asked, “How would you…will you have me?” 

The vessel gasped prettily and flooded the area with darkness when Seigurd touched his legs and parted them gently.  The vessel raised a hand to his lips, covering his mouth to stifle a weak, uncertain noise.  Seigurd reached up and pulled it away, bringing it to rest by the vessel’s side.  He wanted to listen, to hear his voice, but more than that the Force-Null needed his voice because he couldn’t reach out with his mind.  He chided gently, “That isn’t necessary…lie still and let the darkness flow through you.” 

The vessel nodded and repeated, “I trust you…” 

_***_

The strangest thing about the situation was that Hathor had not kissed him.  Not once. 

Mako had barely noticed, given there were more pressing things, and then being enthralled by the sight of his lover and the General, two rare and exquisite beauties, embracing each other so fondly.  Now that he had adjusted to the room, and to the sight of Hux writhing in pleasure under Hathor’s lips and touch, he was beginning to realize what a strange thing it was.  Hathor often kissed them as a greeting, but he had not even done that much.  It was odd that he was keeping himself so distant. 

Mako broke his kiss with Hux to look over the General’s shoulder at his love, “Dearest brother of my heart, let us not tarry longer.  My lips long to take their repose with thine.” 

Hathor looked up and there was something…odd in his eyes.  Though Mako loved to learn new words and poetry, at first the only word he could think of for that look was odd.  Then more came.  Calculating, cunning, appraising, deceitful.  That was not a look Hathor gave him.  He dropped the look and smiled with false sweetness, “You seemed to be having such fun with the General…” 

“Thou art cold now where there was such warmth…” noted Mako suspiciously, “Wilst thou not part with a single kiss?” 

Hathor hesitated for a moment.  That was all Mako needed, “My love is not within these walls.  Speak, spirit.  State thy name and the purpose of these vicious lies.” 

“You don’t really need to know my name,” said ‘Hathor.’  Almost at once he became more physically aggressive with the General, nipping at his ear and holding him tightly. 

“Release the fair General!” commanded Mako. 

“Mm…so you only half figured us out…that’s a pity,” gasped ‘Hux,’ tilting his head and mewling softly as he was kissed and held securely. 

“So, now that you know we aren’t real…would you like to continue, Knight of Ren?  You can’t deny that you want this,” said the spirit disguised as Hathor, slipping his hands up the spirit who resembled Hux’s shirt, purring as the other spirit gasped and moaned softly.  He grinned, “It’s alright, touch us.  There’s no harm in it.” 

“I’ve no desire in my heart for you,” said Mako coldly, gripping his blaster.  He looked them over, his love and the General.  If it came down to it could he… 

“Oh?  None at all?  Seeing us doing this,” Hathor began before licking up Hux’s neck and making him moan loudly.  He grinned and finished, “Doesn’t give you urges?” 

“Where is Hathor Ren?” demanded Mako, “My desire is to see him.” 

The spirit sighed, “You win, I suppose.  Give my regards to that other Knight, the lieutenant.  We won’t let him off so easily next time.” 

Mako suddenly felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.  He bolted upright and coughed, clutching his chest.  The room was different from the other one, smaller, though he barely had time to take that in before Hathor tackled him back onto the ground.  As he fought for breath he felt Hathor’s joy and relief rushing through him, hot and crashing like being smacked in the face by wind off of a sand dune.  He felt Hathor’s mouth on his and tasted salt as the other knight cried with relief, his mind and lips repeating between kisses, “You wouldn’t wake up…” 

“All’s well that ends well, love,” assured Mako, holding onto Hathor.  The real Hathor.  This one was real.  He knew those touches anywhere, which was likely why the spirit had refrained from touching him.  He held onto him, sending his own love and relief, hoping to help calm him. 

_‘You wouldn’t wake up…you weren’t waking up and…I love you…I love you, I love you so much, don’t leave again!’_

_‘Never again.  All is well, love.  Rest easy now…’_

_‘We’re glad you’re back.  Are you okay?’_

_‘Indeed, I am well and able.’_

Mako sat up holding Hathor in his lap since the other knight refused to let go of him.  He had sensed Gaius before and spotted the General standing by awkwardly.  It was almost refreshing to see him so modest and confused around physical affection again.  But he seemed slightly… 

“What plagues you, dearest ruby of strategy?” asked Mako. 

“He had a scare…” said Hathor, wiping his eyes.  He took a deep breath to calm himself, taking in Mako’s calming memories of observing falling blossoms land in meditation pond, letting it surround him and ease his mind, “We need to talk about what happened.  Can you tell us, love?” 

Mako looked over Hathor awkwardly, “It…it was a false, deceiving thing.” 

 _‘We know,’_ he heard Gaius add, _‘There’s one illusion, then another one.  It shows us something that’s unbelievably good, then something we want that’s more realistic.  What’s important is how you got out of it.  What did you do?’_

 _“_ I made my desire to be released apparent and the spirits took their leave of me,” explained Mako. 

“I think that’s it.  We have to _want_ to leave.  We wouldn’t make very good knights if we were so easily swayed from our comrades and mission,” said Hathor with a slight sigh, “But that means…” 

 _“_ It did attack me…” Hux muttered slightly. 

_‘It made an assault upon our cherished claret flower?’_

_‘It…it got pretty rough with him.  It took on the Master of Ren’s likeness and kept touching and kissing him.  He’s a bit better now, but it was still difficult.  It…it didn’t hurt you, did it?’_

_‘Nay, I emerge unscathed.  Our smallest brother is also unharmed?’_

_‘Yeah, just creeped out by everything…’_

Hux interrupted verbally, checking a device on his wrist, “I started a timer after I calmed down a little.  About four or five minutes after I woke up, Gaius broke free, then you woke up about ten minutes after him.  If I had to guess, the others have been asleep for about twenty minutes now, possibly twenty five.  Is that…will they be alright?” 

“This challenge doesn’t seem lethal,” said Hathor, slightly skeptically, “But it wouldn’t be good for them if they stayed like this for more than a few hours.  I still can’t sense their consciousness.” 

Hux looked over at Kylo and Mako held Hathor tighter in his arms, “Our goodly master is oft carried away by his desires, but his spirit is true.  The souls of the Temple cannot hold him.” 

“Can I ask…what it tempted you with?” asked Hux awkwardly. 

Mako became slightly sheepish as he replied, “A desire that returned to my thoughts and dreams many a time…I had longed to see you and my dearest brother share and embrace.” 

“Oh…” said Hux lightly before trailing off, “So it seems to be specifically using…” 

“I read something once, about an ancient master whose command over the mind was so powerful he could seize the senses of his victims, cause powerful hallucinations, make them destroy themselves with their desires,” said Hathor, “He was so much like a demon that his name was lost to the legend.  People just called him The Incubus.  That might be who we’re dealing with.” 

 _‘So it’s strong…’_ noted Gaius, holding onto the General’s hand and pulling himself close. 

“He’s stronger.  He’ll wake up,” Hux said adamantly, looking down at Kylo, “Can you hear me in there?  You’re going to set everything back if something foolish like this stops you.  You’re no good to the Galaxy like this…I forbid you to leave me…not like this…” 

Mako held Hathor tightly.  He could see his memories, feel how agonizing it was waiting for him to wake up.  He looked towards Gaius and the General, “Pray, sit with us a while.  Take some rest a moment.” 

“I’d…rather stand, thank you,” said Hux, who left Gaius and started pacing about, glancing down at the clock feverishly at regular intervals. 

Gaius readily sat by Hathor, who wrapped an arm around him, _‘They’ll all be okay, right?  They just need to figure out it’s fake and want to leave.’_

“It might be hard.  Eleo overthinks everything, E’Chon doesn’t question things enough, Kylo is…well, he’s a brilliant Knight and fighter but he feels torn up so often he’s ready to give himself over to any relief that presents itself and Seigurd,” Hathor surmised, looking over at the blond knight, “Seigurd tends to do whatever he feels, after a fashion.  If whatever’s going on with him is really dark or really pleasant, he might just go with it.” 


	17. He Will Give Me All The Empty Reasons Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Temple continues to be an ass and Fox!Hux makes an unexpected cameo...

“Mm…oh…you’re missing out, Knight of Ren.  He’s an arrogant fool, but his body…ah…so soft, so responsive…” 

Eleo crossed his arms and tried to think, but it was hard with that damned spirit.  It was still wearing Hux’s face, moaning loudly, writhing, touching itself, trying to encourage him to have sex with it.  The first illusion had been simple enough.  Deny that it was real and it was broken.  This one…he tried resisting, but it wasn’t working.  He supposed as a dark Force-User he was supposed to give in to his lust and screw the annoying spirit, but something about that felt wrong.  Still, if one way didn’t work he supposed the most logical thing to do was to try the opposite.  He sighed.  It didn’t feel right.  Nothing about it felt right in his gut. 

“Ah…they feel good, but I’m done with his tits,” said the spirit.  Eleo started as he heard belts coming loose and hitting the ground.  He turned and the spirit grinned at him with Hux’s mouth, sliding a hand into his underwear, “It’s alright, this is my ‘body,’ I’m just copying him.  I’m not actually violating your precious Force-Null.  Mm…I bet this makes him feel good.” 

“Dammit!” snapped Eleo, crossing the room and prying the spirit’s hand away, “That’s my friend, okay!  You can’t copy him to use his body like that!  Stop it, right now!” 

“Hm…” hummed the fake, looking up at him, “I’m sensing your greatest desires are to stop me and to watch me continue.  I know you’re curious about him.  I’ve been in his mind.  Don’t you want to know all the little things that would drive him insane with pleasure?” 

“No,” said Eleo firmly. 

“Liar,” huffed the spirit, still grinning, “He’s definitely more of a bottom.  He doesn’t seem to know it yet, but you guessed his kink.  He spends so much time needing to stay in control he loves having another man, or a woman, take charge and fill his tight little ass.  Don’t make that face.  You say you want me to stop, but here you are, hanging on every word.” 

“I can’t think with you making all this noise!” snapped Eleo. 

“Well I’m not supposed to make this easy for you.  It is a challenge after all,” said the fake, “Now if you don’t mind, your troupe just gave me the nicest form to copy I’ve had in a while.  Oh…I’m going to remember him.  Maybe use him on the next bunch that comes in.  If we got rid of that pesky personality of his I’d want to keep him all for myself.” 

“I’m trying to think…” grumbled Eleo. 

“Stop trying so hard.  Just search your feelings…” said the fake, his countenance shifting slightly, mimicking Hux’s awkward, reserved mannerisms as he moved a hand to cover himself slightly, “I…I’ll act like him for you.  He’s shy.  It’s not really my thing but…I can sense you do want him.” 

Eleo covered his eyes with a hand.  He needed to think.  A third option.  The first was wrong, the second felt wrong, so there had to be a third.  What was he doing wrong?  Denying the illusions was not working, resisting was not working, getting angry was not working… 

“Hm…maybe I’m trying this wrong,” said the fake.  Hux’s skin and eyes began to darken, his hair grew out longer, his clothing changed, becoming more flowing as armour formed over his body.  He shrank as well, but not too much.  His nose became narrower, his lips fuller and dark, artistic lines appeared around his eyes as if drawn on by a pencil. 

“The fuck…” Eleo gasped, taking a step back. 

The fake looked back at him with Hathor’s face and spoke with his voice, “He’s not your type, I know, but there’s something about him.  You’re always antagonizing him.  Are you jealous?  Because he holds more rank and esteem than you?  Because he has a devoted lover and you have a lab full of machines for company and an endless thirst for ass?  Because you’re afraid that maybe, just maybe, if you mentally eavesdrop on him being loved so passionately, so unconditionally everyone will feel what a lonely, jealous, miserable mess of emotion you’ve been taking such pains to hide?” 

The fake took off a glove and examined his nails, “He takes good care of himself, that’s for certain.  Is that it?  You want him to be your mama the way he is with little Gaius Ren and your vessel?  Well, if that’s the case…” said the fake, opening Hathor’s arms and looking at him kindly, “Come here, Eleo dear, let me take care of you.” 

“Kriff…fuck that’s so wrong!” snapped Eleo, “Leave Hathor out of this!” 

“Oh?  Why so upset?” asked the fake, “I’m in your head.  You can’t lie to me.  You want to fuck the vessel, you’re jealous of your lieutenant.  Oh…I think I know what you want…” 

The fake became taller, it’s skin much lighter, it’s dark hair curled and moles began forming on his cheeks.  Kylo soon looked back at him,

“Is this what you really want?”  

***  

E’Chon had the General pinned underneath him on the ground now.  He was so eager to submit and be taken.  The knight was aware the General was no easy conquest.  Despite his thin frame, he had a sharp mind and knew exactly how to put what little muscle he had to the best possible use.  The man was fully capable of kicking him across the room if he felt like it.  But he didn’t.  The General, who was fully capable of holding his own, was choosing to submit. 

He laid back, panting and begging for more as he helped to remove all of his complicated vests and belts.  The General was fully baring himself, letting himself be conquered and given all the pleasure he had been craving for so long.  He guided E’Chon’s hands down to his hips, “Please…please I can’t wait…please t-take me?  I need it so badly…” 

E’Chon could feel it.  His lust was impossible to ignore.  Every fiber in his being loathed restraint, but he had expected to feel more of a desire to make an exception for the General.  He was small, despite his height, and he appeared so delicate, enough to be grossly underestimated in hand to hand combat.  Usually seeing the soft-handed General, especially when he felt his thinness, he felt the urge to become calm.  Every time he saw the General and held him he felt the overwhelming urge to be gentle with him.  The man had a strangely calming effect he only experienced with a few other people before.  Yet it was gone now.  It may have been his own post-battle haze but...

He moved his hands up to the General’s face to kiss him firmly.  The General accepted it and kissed back as best he could.  E’Chon pulled back, “If it is your wish to be conquered!” 

“Yes…but…volume?” panted Hux, clearing out his ear with his smallest finger. 

“Ah, yes, forgive me,” said E’Chon, grinning slightly before stealing another kiss. 

   *** 

“K-Kylo it feels so good…” Hux moaned lightly, “D-don’t stop.” 

When Kylo thought about it logically, he had no idea why Hux’s pouches would contain a feather duster.  By all accounts it made absolutely no sense.  He supposed, at a stretch, that Hux liked to clean things and had been planning on leaving it behind in the shuttle.  It was also the excuse Hux had given when Kylo had found it.  Either way, it was so good and he’d wanted this for so long he didn’t question it.  From time to time he thought about sneaking up on Hux and trying to tickle him, but knew Hux hated those sorts of surprises.  More than that, feathers against skin felt really good.  Having found a few places Hux was sensitive, Kylo brushed them lightly, watching Hux come undone from the soft touches. 

He brushed over Hux’s neck before sliding down to his chest, “You’re so cute like this.” 

Hux flushed slightly at that and whimpered as the feathers teased at his nipple, “It…it feels good there…” 

Kylo kissed him as he continued, “I know I said it weird in the bath but, I like them.  They’re so pink.” 

“Y-You like pink?” asked Hux through a series of whines. 

“I do on you,” admitted Kylo with a purr.  Hux would look so good in pink, if the stockings were any indication.  He had always been afraid to admit those things.  He knew if he asked Hux for sex these things would have to be brought up and he had been so afraid that Hux would want to break off the whole thing because what Kylo wanted was too strange.  He was so accepting of it and it was such a relief.  He almost had the courage to bring up other things.  Bright pink ribbons with fox ears and a tail…

“Maybe…l-lower?” asked Hux shyly, taking Kylo’s hand and guiding it downwards, “Will…d-does it feel good there?” 

“It feels amazing,” purred Kylo.  He paused for a moment, “N-not that I use weird things when I…” 

“It’s okay just…it feels good so don’t stop, alright?” pleaded Hux, “If you keep stopping you’re going to drive me insane.” 

“I won’t,” assured Kylo kissing Hux’s forehead, “Just relax, I promise this’ll feel good.”

He leaned forward and accidentally touched one of Hux’s discarded pouches.  Hux flushed furiously, “Th-those are for camouflage…if we’re in tall grass or a forest…” 

Kylo didn’t waste any time clipping the ears in place, tickling Hux with the feathers to make him blush and mewl while he admired his needy little fox.  He tied the ribbon around Hux’s neck, “You’re unbelievably sexy like this.” 

He was catering to all his embarrassing little desires.  His lithe body slathered in sweets, naked except for silk stockings and a little ribbon, squirming and moaning softly from being tickled, all while sporting a pair of adorable fox ears.  He was the sexiest thing Kylo had ever seen. 

Kylo held up the tail and grinned, “Care to show me how to attach it?” 

   ***  

The vessel whined as they moved in time together.  His noises were ones of pleasure, rather than distress.  For a few moments it felt as if it were just the two of them, alone as darkness flooded the chamber.  Seigurd did what he could to make sure the vessel felt safe, comfortable as they flooded the room with dark energy. 

When they stopped and stilled the vessel lay passively, sated, looking up at him adoringly, waiting for directions, to be acted upon.  The vessel may have possessed an incredible tactical mind, but when it came to the Force this was how he needed to be.  He understood nothing and would never be able to fully grasp it.  How could he?  It would be like a blind person learning to explain colour.  It was possible, but very difficult.  Before he could have a hope of doing anything he needed guidance, he needed a teacher, someone to tell him how to put all of that dormant darkness bubbling in his mind to proper use.  And he couldn’t do that if he was constantly acting as if he knew everything.  He needed to be a little more receptive, for his own good. 

He seemed as if he might fall asleep.  He looked so calm and sated.  He was physically beautiful, and all of the darkness inside him only amplified it.  Seigurd recalled their first encounter, examining the vessel, testing how the Force moved around him, finding a chasm filled with hate, anger and fear so deep and full he could have gotten lost in it.  He had never dreamed he might encounter a vessel like this.  One so deep and full to the brim with the sort of energy they needed. 

He kissed the vessel, long past needing to.  The vessel responded obediently, turning his face to be kissed and humming quietly in appreciation.  He praised the vessel between kisses and he lay back, adoring, silent, contentedly hanging on Seigurd’s every word.  Before he had potential, but like this he was perfection, exactly as the way ancient texts had described the ideal vessel. 

The vessel flushed slightly before arching his back to thrust out his chest.  He spread his legs, making sure he was fully exposed.  It caused him some discomfort, some embarrassment to be seen this way, but he held himself in this way.  He looked up shyly, “W-would it please you to have me again?” 

Seigrud kissed the vessel lightly, “Is it your desire to submit?” 

“…yes…I’ve wanted this…I’ve been so scared,” confessed the vessel. 

“Embrace your fears and desires.  Give into them.  You gain nothing through repression,” advised Seigurd.  He kissed the vessel’s cheek, “Tell me your desires.” 

A strange smile crossed the vessel’s lips.  It may have simply been relief though. 

   ***  

Eleo felt his mouth run dry as he was face to face with Kylo, or at least a very convincing copy of him.  He held himself all wrong though.  The faker had this odd way of cocking its hip and standing in a loose, casual sort of way.  It looked back at him, grinning with Kylo’s eyes and mouth as it stepped forward, “I think this might be what you want.  You get the Force-Null’s full attention, not to mention his ass, you get knights waiting on your orders and giving you their care and support, and you get more control over the Force you’ve ever had in your life.  You might not be as weak as the pip-squeak knight, but you struggle.  You want to be this, don’t you?  I can arrange it.  Just say the word and I’ll give you what you want.  Simple as that.” 

Eleo looked up at it, eyes slightly wide, “Simple…?” 

“Oh yes.  A few illusions here, a few mind tricks there and you can have-”

“No,” said Eleo, cutting it off and grinning, “Simple…I think I have this thing figured out.” 

The knight chuckled to himself and sat back.  He’d been an idiot.  He’d been overthinking everything and letting this…this thing distract him.  He grinned up at it slightly, “You’re wrong though.  I don’t want to be Kylo.  Maybe I’ve got a few hang-ups I’ve been in denial about, but I don’t want to be the boss.  I’m way too lazy.” 

“Are you sure you want to go back to them with those things on your mind?” asked the fake, “They probably won’t like seeing that.” 

“Are you kidding?  All these years screwing with people’s heads and you don’t know how the Knights of Ren work?  We’re constantly in each other’s heads seeing each other’s baggage.  Getting pissy with each other over it doesn’t do jack shit.  If we have problems we help each other through them.  If anything I’m going to have to shove that Priss Hathor off of me when he finds out I want more hugs and sometimes the lab feels too lonely,” scoffed Eleo. 

“And your Force-Null?  You’re afraid to tell him.  You think he won’t be disgusted with you?” continued the fake. 

“Sheesh, now you’re just grasping at straws…” muttered Eleo, “I think we’re done here.  You want to know my heart’s desire?  Let me out of this place.  It blows chunks.” 

The faker looked offended and slowly morphed back into Hux’s appearance and approached him, “Last chance Knight of Ren…” 

“I think I made myself pretty clear.  Besides…” said Eleo, trailing off before roughly grabbing the fake’s backside, “There’s more to Red than you seem to think.  Especially in the trunk.” 

Suddenly he was gasping for breath on his back.  He bolted up and realized someone or something had taken his mask.  He looked about, doing a quick head count and found three knights and the General.  So he was the fifth to break out…

“Shit on a stick…” coughed Eleo as the others closed in around him, “That was creepy.  Like, super creepy…” 

“You’re alright?” asked Hathor, moving in beside him. 

“Hold on, Red, c’mere a minute,” said Eleo, waving Hux over. 

Hux hesitated a moment, furrowing his brow and likely trying to guess what Eleo wanted as he walked over.  He really ought to have known better by this point.  As the General knelt down, Eleo reached around him and grabbed one of his pert cheeks and slapped it lightly, “Yep, you’re the real deal.” 

“For goodness sakes!” exclaimed Hux, moving back and resumed angrily pacing the room, occasionally glaring over at Eleo. 

The knight furrowed his brow. 

_‘Did I do something wrong?’_

_‘He’s…Kylo hasn’t woken up and the Temple’s been hard on him.  He’s really on edge.’_

_‘Ah…’_

_‘You were stuck for a long time.  What happened?’_

_‘I figured out it was a fake pretty easy.  I tried to play it, thinking I could get more info, but the damned thing played me instead…’_

_‘What didst thou attempt?’_

_‘I thought I could get it to tell me how to leave, throw it off but…well, it kind of threw me for a loop instead.  Started doing all kinds of weird shit.  Here, have a look.’_

_‘…’_

_‘…that’s…that’s so wrong…’_

_‘Right!?  Damn pervy spirit…’_

_‘So it’s probably gotten more aggressive with the others…’_

_‘E’Chon probably got caught up in it.  Kylo’s been wanting this for so long he probably wouldn’t question it if the General asked him for it.  And Seigurd…’_

_‘Damn.  The pervy old geezer probably just went, ‘well, this is what the darkness wants’ and just gave in to it.  The other problem is this thing learns and adapts fast.  It’s going to try to keep them in those illusions for as long as it can.’_

_‘To what end does it let this malice keep?’_

_‘I can’t say…There’s a chance it might be trying to keep them forever.  That perv was pretty insistent on me staying with it.’_

_‘Then we might be here for a while?’_

_‘Looks that way…hope someone brought snacks…’_

Eleo looked up and watched Hux pace around the room, his eyes trained on Kylo, watching like a hawk circling a mouse.  He kept pressing his fingers into his gloved palms as he stalked back and forth from one side of the room to the other.  He called over, “Red, you holding up okay?” 

“I’m fine!” snapped Hux. 

“Obviously you’re not,” said Eleo, “Wanna get back over here, talk it out?” 

“Talking won’t wake him up…” growled Hux. 

“Right, and pacing will,” muttered the knight, “Look, come here, sit down and wait it out with us.  Maybe we can try to figure out the next challenge.” 

Hux paused at that, “It’s been learning though.  Do you think it might change its patterns or selection to throw us off?” 

“I dunno, but trying to plan something is better than walking around and stinking up the room with anxiety,” said Eleo. 

Looking after someone else made dealing with the mind-fuck the Temple put him through easier to handle.  Just having something to fix and plan made things better.  Hux relented, walking over, crouching down and letting out a long sigh.  He shook his head, “I was trained as a sniper.  As a rule we’re patient…I think this is the first time I’ve ever been this impatient over anything in my life…” 

He looked up, “Sorry, Eleo, are you alright?”  

“A bit frazzled, but no real harm done,” replied the knight, “So, tell me what you guys know.” 

“This thing is trying to distract us based on our desires,” said Hathor. 

“And it tends to choose its next target based on emotional outbursts,” added Hux.  He paused, “Hathor and I both got fairly worked up earlier…” 

The lieutenant shook his head, tossing his black hair slightly, “That was nowhere near the state I was in when I woke up and saw everyone lying on the ground and not breathing.” 

Mako put a hand on his lover’s shoulder, “The Temple gave me grave warnings.  That it would not permit my love such an easy escape.” 

“So I’m next…” muttered Hathor. 

Eleo patted the knight’s free shoulder, “Probably a good idea to start thinking about how this thing might put you to the test.” 

 _‘I was worried about failing.  I kept thinking it was too much pressure, and the room did that pressure test,’_ Gaius chimed in, _‘Do you think it molds the challenge based on what we’re feeling?’_

Hux shook his head, “But if this is Seigurd or Kylo’s challenge, what did they do to bring on this type of test.  If this is based on an outburst of caring or at least attraction, what did either of them do to trigger it?” 

_‘Oh boy…nobody’s told him about Seigurd’s big dumb crush, have they?’_

_‘We thought t’would be best to let our brother confess to our flower of war in his own time…’_

_‘We know it was probably Seigurd rushing to scold him and check on him that did this.  Should we tell him?  He can help us figure it out if he knows everything.’_

_‘But Seigurd won’t like that at all…’_

“Well, it’s the best theory we have, so if priss freaked out after thinking we were all dead, it might have something to do with getting separated,” said Eleo. 

“It’s the only theory we have…” muttered Hux, “Though…isn’t it a bit odd that they leave us hints and clues to follow?  If I was dealing with an enemy the last thing I would want to do is give them a glimpse of what I was planning.” 

 _‘It’s not exactly an enemy against enemy situation though.  In the end we’re on the same side.  It’s more like…really, really intense training,”_ explained Gaius. 

“Tossing cubs off a cliff to see which ones are worthy of survival.  I can understand that,” said Hux. 

_‘That analogy was…kind of sick.  It’s so strange to hear such awful things come out of such a pretty mouth.’_

_‘He’s always done that.’_

_‘It’s still strange…’_

Suddenly E’Chon bolted up.  He coughed several times, his chest heaving against his armour and he gripped his breastplate as if he was planning on tearing it off.  He gasped for breath and let out long ragged breaths.  Eleo started slightly.  It sounded almost like E’Chon was choking on something.  He was projecting alarm like he was choking as well. 

Hux got up and dashed forward, trying to see what was happening to the knight.  E’Chon’s hand shot out and caught him around the hip, the exact same way he had done the first time he and the General had met.  Hux touched his arm and seemed to be trying to examine him, “E’Chon, can you breathe?  Do you need help?  Nod ‘yes’ if you want me to help you!” 

The large knight didn’t make a move to say yes or no.  Instead he pulled Hux against him, crushingly hard, and so quickly that the knight’s didn’t even detect E’Chon’s thoughts.  Hux pressed his hands against the big knight to brace himself. 

Hux was not sure what he had been expecting by that point.  However, he wasn’t expecting a large hand to glide gently through his hair, petting him lightly as someone might with a newborn kitten.  The knight’s coughing subsided and he glanced over his shoulder.  Spotting his brothers, E’Chon called out, “This one is real, I’m very sure of it!  He makes me feel calm!” 


	18. He Will Give Me All The Empty Reasons Part Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this there will only be one part left to go on this challenge!

E’Chon insisted on keeping Hux in his lap and the General, frankly, didn’t have the energy or the heart for putting up much of a fight.  The big knight simply sat with his fellows with his hands loosely wrapped around Hux’s waist, as if he were a pillow or large plush toy.  Hux supposed he was filling the same function as a large plush toy; providing comfort to an oversized child and helping him to calm himself.  Hathor looked over at them quizzically, “E’Chon, honey, you don’t need to hold him.  He won’t disappear if you let go.” 

_‘It’s okay biggest brother, really.  He won’t leave.’_

“It is not that I fear for his departure!” scoffed E’Chon.  He shuddered slightly before holding Hux tighter, “It was a ghost…I did not intend to perform such acts with a ghost…” 

“Care to tell us what happened big guy?” asked Eleo. 

Hux listened as E’Chon gave him another little squeeze.  Gaius, who had remained closeby since E’Chon’s declaration about feeling calm was leaning over the large knight’s shoulder and resting against his back.  He patted E’Chon’s head, stroking over the brain in an effort to calm him further.  The large knight reached up and patted the small knight’s hand before resuming his usual squeezing, “It was a ghost!” 

“Volume, please?” pleaded Hux, covering his ears with his hands. 

“Ah, yes, my apologies,” said E’Chon more quietly, “I knew not that it was a ghost.  It wore the face of the soft-handed General so I believed I was among my comrades.  Together we slew many foes!  It was a glorious conquest as the halls were splattered with the blood of our-!”

“Volume!?” Hux called out again. 

E’Chon sheepishly patted Hux’s head before giving another squeeze.  Hux had not been around the other knights for a particularly long time but it felt for an odd thing for E’Chon to do.  It was like the knight was trying to test whether he was solid or not.  Given his fear of ghosts it may have been exactly what he was trying to do. 

“Your foes fell before you as leaves in the autumn breeze,” pressed Mako. 

“Indeed!  And once they were felled…” E’Chon trailed off.  He gave Hux another sheepish pat on the head as he reiterated, “I truly believed he was our General and had given his blessing…” 

“You…” Hux trailed off, barely containing his blush, “With fake-me?” 

“After the rush of battle had subsided and all was sated, the ghost with the General’s face pleaded to be conquered a second time,” explained E’Chon, “Since my wits had returned I realized that our General would ask for no such thing, for despite his supple form and most pleasing flesh-”

“Palpatine’s sake…” muttered Hux, covering his face with his hands. 

“He is not one who is so easily conquered!” concluded E’Chon, “For despite his smallness he is indeed a mighty warrior!” 

“So you just realized it was fake and popped up over here,” said Eleo. 

“I know not how, but this is indeed true!” replied E’Chon. 

 _‘It might sound odd, but you broke out of the illusion because you wanted to,’_ explained Gaius, _‘This place seems to be weighing our desire to succeed against our desire for…well, the General, think.’_  

“Hold on Gaius, you think Red’s the common denominator here?” asked Eleo. 

Hathor sighed, “I caught a glimpse of him in mine.  I was in and out really quickly, I saw a flash of red.  So far the room’s been testing us with the General.  It might be trying to see whether we want to succeed more than we want…oh dear, are you alright General?” 

“I’m fine just…should have seen this coming I suppose,” said Hux glumly, keeping his hands over his face. 

“Take it as a compliment!  Not only do your brothers in arms find you most desirable, the masters of old think you fit to test us, as you are lithe of body and firm of buttocks!” announced E’Chon. 

“Thank you E’Chon,” muttered Hux sarcastically. 

“That might not be as much of a compliment as you think,” said Eleo, scratching at the back of his head awkwardly, “I…tried talking to it when I figured out it was fake.  I wanted to see if I could get some intel out of it but…let’s just say it thinks you’re hot.” 

“Wonderful,” growled Hux, “It’s using my face to hold the man I…” 

Hux trailed off as he realized what he was about to say.  The man he loved?  He loved Kylo?  Certainly he had come to care for him, very much so, and he enjoyed it when they lay in bed together or sat closely beside each other and cuddled close.  Did he love Kylo?  That seemed accurate.  Love was the word he was supposed to use in this context, wasn’t it?  Love was the appropriate word.  So did he love Kylo?  If he was in love with Kylo that meant-

_‘Too close.  There’s no place for that.’_

Hux started.  That wasn’t a nagging doubt or a slight misgiving.  That was a voice, clear as a plain quartz crystal, and it was inside his head.  Was it a spirit or was this place amplifying negative thoughts?  It wouldn’t have been the first time the Temple had tried hurting or violating him in an attempt to make him leave.  Hux shook his head and ignored it. 

“T’was quite the clamour thou didst make upon thy rising,” noted Mako, “Fare you well brother?” 

“Come to think of it, Eleo had quite the cough too,” recalled Hathor.  He looked at Mako, “And you dear.  Not as much as the other two, but you still coughed a bit.” 

Gaius eyes widened and he looked at Kylo and Seigurd, _‘We were barely breathing!  It can’t be good for them to be like this for too long!  How long has it been!?’_

Hux brought his watch up to his eyes, “In another ten minutes it will have been an hour.  How long can a person last in a…a Force-coma?” 

“The person who could’ve answered that question is out like a light, and without him connected we can’t pick his brain for answers,” grumbled Eleo.  He shouted, “Hear that you pervy old geezer!  We can’t solve this because you’re thinking with your dick!” 

Seigurd continued to lie on the ground completely unresponsive. 

“Huh…that usually gets him,” muttered Eleo. 

“Can’t one of you get in their heads and wake them up?” asked Hux. 

“I wish we could…” said Hathor, “Normally it would be easy, but right now I can’t sense either of them.  It’s like being in a room with a pair of rocks, there’s nothing coming off of either of them.  It’s why I thought everyone was dead at first.” 

So the chamber was deliberately keeping them separate.  It no doubt sensed the bond the knights had and felt the best course of action was to cut them off from each other.  If he had been in charge of coming up with a strategy to go toe to toe with the Knights of Ren, it would be the first thing he would attempt to do.  They were still strong by themselves but they were at their strongest when they could quickly communicate with each other and provide support to each other. 

“So all we can do is wait…” grumbled Hux. 

 _‘Kylo’s going to be fine,’_ assured Gaius, patting Hux’s shoulder, _‘As soon as he realizes that you aren’t there with him, he’ll wake up.  He wants to be with you a lot.’_

“And what about Seigurd?” asked Hux more worriedly. 

“Evading such a trance will prove complex,” said Mako, moving and sitting next to them, “Our brother does what desire and darkness bids.” 

“Seig is laid back in a weird sort of way.  He goes with the flow of the Force and just does whatever he feels like doing,” Eleo said by way of translation. 

Seigurd was always railing about how his rude actions were what the darkness was telling him to do.  Hux supposed if the knight was trapped in a space where the Force was telling him to do something, and he wanted to do it, then he would just keep doing what felt right in his mind.  It was worrying, to say the least.  If Seigurd was stopped by this then their team would lose one of their most powerful Force-Users, and access to his knowledge of the Force and spirits. 

What stung was Kylo’s unresponsiveness.  It had taken Hux a few minutes to get away but Kylo was taking close to an hour, held back by some perverted spirit who was no doubt using his face to seduce his boyfriend.  The others had said Kylo was just desperate to feel something other than being torn apart and would not linger after he discovered the truth of the illusion, but Hux couldn’t help thinking that this was somehow his fault.  Kylo might feel a little less desperate to feel whole if he could satisfy him.  He might be able to tell a fake from the real think like Hathor and Mako could if Hux had been more affectionate. 

E’Chon gave him another little squeeze and Hux tried to relax against him.  It was difficult though.  He had never felt so useless in his life. 

   ***  

The vessel kissed him insistently, curling around him and humming when he was touched in turn.  The darkness was thrumming around him and the air was drenched with the vessels desire, finally, truly free from the inhibitions that usually left it hesitant and pulled in tight.  Now it was flowing around freely as he gave into his desires, powerful enough to drown out everything else.   That beautiful, pure energy combined with his physical charm, his stunning hair and eyes made him irresistible. 

So Seigurd didn’t resist. 

“I want to please you…” said the vessel, kissing him sweetly, “I know you’ve wanted this for so long, ever since you saw what I had inside me…I know I was harsh but…I did want you, I just didn’t know how to say it.  I was embarrassed because I thought my desires were wrong, but now…” 

Seigurd ran a hand through his hair and down his back.  The vessel purred at the feeling and continued, “Tell me your desires.  You helped me free mine, let me do the same…tell me what you desire…” 

Suddenly the vessel gasped and turned, his hands bound tightly behind his back.  He laughed lightly, “Mm…so rough.” 

“Because I know you can withstand it, vessel…” assured Seigurd, drawing his hands over the vessel, “You’ve always been strong, capable, efficient…it’s admirable…”  He slowly raked his nails down the vessel’s sides, making him gasp.  Seigurd kissed him, “Show me your strength vessel.”

And the vessel smiled broadly.   

   ***  

Hux buried his face in Kylo’s chest.  For someone who supposedly hadn’t had sex in a long time, if ever, Hux had been amazing.  Extremely sensitive, but he didn’t let it stop him or overwhelm him.  They lay next to each other, comfortable in the afterglow, legs tangled around each other.  Kylo kissed the top of his head, “You were incredible.” 

“Not so bad yourself,” said Hux, snuggling as close as he could, “I wish we had done that sooner.” 

“It’s alright, you weren’t ready,” assured Kylo rubbing his back gently, “I’m glad we can be like this now, but I’d never want that to come at the expense of you feeling safe.” 

“Never felt safer,” replied Hux, tilting his face up to kiss just under Kylo’s chin. 

Kylo smiled and pulled Hux against him, “You make me feel whole again…you really don’t know how much you mean to me.” 

Hux’s breathing faltered slightly when he said that.  Kylo held his shoulders, “Hey, are you okay?” 

“Oh, yes, I just hiccupped a little,” said Hux, pulling back a little, “We should…we should probably get dressed.” 

“Probably,” agreed Kylo, “Are you sure you’re alright?” 

“Yes I…I just never expected anyone would say something so sweet to me,” said Hux, smiling down at him as he sat up. 

“Getting a bit overwhelmed?” asked Kylo. 

“It’s been a long day, a lot has happened.  I think we need to get serious now that we’ve had our fun,” said Hux, gathering up his discarded clothing and gear, “Time for me to get focused.” 

“But there’s nothing we can do, the door’s closed,” said Kylo. 

“Hm, that’s true...so we should get dressed and wait for it to open,” replied Hux, “I have some supplies, are you thirsty?”

“Well, yeah…” said Kylo, wondering why on earth Hux was suddenly acting so flighty. 

“Punch?” asked Hux. 

Kylo had no idea where the massive punch bowl had come from.  But there it was in the middle of the room, with Hux, still very naked, curled seductively around it, stirring with the ladle.  It was just so absurd.  There was nowhere it could have come from.  It was like he was having some sort of weird…

“Dream…” mumbled Kylo, “This is a dream…and you’re not Hux!” 

“’Fraid not, sweetheart,” said the spirit, waving goodbye with a bitter smile on its lips, “Those sweet nothings are always for someone else, never for me...” 

Kylo bolted up and clutched at his throat.  He couldn’t breathe.  It was like trying to breathe with a collapsed lung.  He pounded just beneath his ribs along his belt, trying to get it to inflate faster.  When he could breathe he coughed, everything coming out chalky. 

“Kylo!  Kylo, breathe!” ordered Hux, kneeling beside him, “Can you breathe on your own or do you need help!?” 

‘Help!’ Kylo wanted to say.  Without thinking he called out with the Force, _‘Help!  Hux, Help!’_

Before he knew what was happening Hux was shoving something in his mouth, “Breathe in as deeply as you can!” 

Kylo inhaled, but it was shallow.  As he did a spray shot out of the plastic tube in his mouth.  The effect was almost immediate as his respiratory system relaxed under the spray’s influence.  He could feel that Hux was holding him steady, “Keep breathing deeply, is it getting any easier!?” 

Kylo jerked his head aside to get the tube away from his mouth.  He coughed slightly and choked out, “I’m fine, I’m fine…shit, what happened…?” 

_‘You were out for over an hour!’_

_‘Are you alright Master of Ren!?  That felt like it hurt.’_

_‘The cough was more aggressive than my own!’_

_‘I…I dunno I just woke up and couldn’t breathe.’_

“You were asleep, your mind didn’t have any of…you in it so nobody could wake you up,” explained Hux, “I gave you a small dose of muscle relaxant.  Can you breathe now?” 

“Yeah…yeah…” said Kylo sitting up on his own and looking around at the chamber.  All of his knights were there, with Seigurd lying next to him on the floor.  He furrowed his brow.  He could see his knight but he couldn’t sense him at all. 

_‘He isn’t dead.  He’s like you were just a few minutes ago.  He’s been sleeping for a long time…’_

_‘You mean, none of you dream-smacked me?’_

_‘What dost thou mean, goodly master?’_

_‘The illusion.  It was being convincing for a long time, then it did something weird out of nowhere and shocked me out of it.’_

_‘…that wasn’t us.  Did it tell you something boss?’_

_‘It said it was time to get serious and…I think Seig’s in trouble.  That thing let me go so it could focus all its attention on him.’_

_‘…shit, now I hate that perv even more…’_

Hux latched his hands around Kylo’s shoulders, “You’ve been sharing your head for the last hour!  Emperor’s sake, could you spare me a minute!” 

Kylo looked down at him.  He hadn’t meant to space out while he was communing.  He looked down at Hux, who was clearly hurt and confused by what was happening.  He could sense worry lingering around him, then a perceived rejection and jealousy.  He stared down at the General incredulously, drawing blanks as to what he was supposed to say. 

_‘The soft-handed General was fraught with worry for you, Master of Ren!’_

_‘He spent almost the whole hour waiting for you to wake up, say something to the poor dear!’_

“I, uh…I’m sorry,” said Kylo, reaching up a hand and cupping the real Hux’s cheek.  He felt flashes of guilt, having just had sex with that…thing that had disguised itself as his boyfriend.  He knew that he had been tricked, that he never meant to cheat, that the spirit had been the one in the wrong, but if he had just thought a little harder, not let his desire for relief and for Hux get to his head, none of this would have happened.  He knew he needed to come clean too, but would Hux still want him after finding out what he had done? 

“Hux I…that thing…” said Kylo. 

“I know…” said Hux, “You were taking so long I…I know, and it’s not your fault, it’s mine.” 

Kylo stared at Hux, completely stunned.  Before he could react, Hathor grabbed him by the shoulders and gave the General a good shake, “Absolutely not!  Why would you even think that!?”

“Because…because I was taking too long,” said Hux, who was emitting nothing but shock at being shaken like that, “If I hadn’t waited Kylo would have been able to tell the difference between use like you and-”

“You were waiting because you weren’t ready and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!” snapped Hathor, “If that spirit hadn’t used that weakness it would have found a different one.  None of this is your fault.” 

“If you’re gonna blame anyone, blame that damned pervy ghost…” growled Eleo. 

Gaius patted Hux’s hand, _‘It isn’t your fault at all, really.’_

Hux still hung his head slightly.  Kylo reached forward and replaced his hand, “I should have figured it out sooner.  I’m really sorry.” 

Hux sighed and looked down, “Must have been one hell of an illusion.  I could use this to improve training simulations…train units to withstand psychological torment…” 

“I thought it was you the whole time.  You’re the only one I want like that,” assured Kylo. 

“Also, it is only the thought that counts!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

Everyone regarded the large knight curiously.  He shrugged his large shoulders and explained, “Our minds were transported to another space, however our physical forms were here the whole time!  While this was deeply troubling indeed, it was only our minds that were tricked so heinously!  So within that realm, our intentions were all that mattered!” 

“Like…some sort of weird Schrodinger’s orgy?” asked Eleo. 

“I know not of this Schrodinger or his orgies!” exclaimed E’Chon, “Was he renowned for them!?” 

“Nah…uh…I’m sending you my info…you’re so weird, big guy…” replied Eleo. 

 _‘I think I get it!’_ piped Gaius, smacking his fist over the flat of his hand with realization, _‘Since our minds were somewhere else, and this was all happening inside of them, it was like a dream.  We honestly didn’t know it was fake, so nobody was actively choosing to be with that spirit.  As far as our bodies are concerned, they were here the whole time doing nothing, we didn’t do anything with anyone else.’_

“That thought is a relieving one I find,” agreed Mako, giving Hathor an apologetic look. 

“So…it was like having a sex dream…” reasoned Kylo.  He grinned at Hux, trying to cheer him up, “Then you’re my sexiest dream…” 

“We have other concerns at the moment,” groaned Hux, “Your Seigurd Ren is still trapped in a malevolent sex dream and we can’t wake him up.  The longer he stays in there the harder it will probably be to resuscitate him.” 

Kylo stared down at Seigurd and his eyes widened, “Kriff, I don’t know if he’ll be able to tear himself away!” 

“I do not approve of what Schrodinger did to that cat!” bellowed E’Chon, “Were he alive I would strike him down where he stood!” 

“Nothing to do but wait…” muttered Eleo, ignoring the outburst and rubbing at his ears. 

Kylo looked down at Seigurd.  He was worried for his knight, but he couldn’t sense him.  There was nothing he could do for the knight but watch over him until his consciousness returned to his body.  He looked over at his lieutenants, “Who woke up first?” 

“I did, Master of Ren, then the General, Gaius, Mako, Eleo and then E’Chon,” reported Hathor. 

“And E’Chon said waking up got harder each time?” asked Kylo. 

“When the first few of us woke, it…it was a bit like coming up for air after a long time underwater.  But as time drew on, there was coughing and then...were you choking, Master of Ren?” asked Hathor. 

“Sort of?  It wasn’t as if I’d swallowed anything.  It was more like my lungs just decided to stop working,” said Kylo. 

“But you could start breathing again.  So the old guy’s gonna be fine, right?” asked Eleo. 

 _‘It’d be better if he woke up sooner, but I think he’ll be alright.  Could you keep your spray out just in case, General?’_ asked Gaius, linking his smallest finger in Hux’s. 

“I suppose that’s all we can do,” said Hux, “So what should we do in the meantime?” 

Kylo paused, it was eerily similar to how the fake Hux had talked in the dream.  Judging from the uncomfortable feelings and memories he felt from his knights, some of them had similar experiences.  Hux cocked his brow, not seeming to have realized he had said or done anything odd or questionable.  He knelt down by Seigurd and sighed, “I don’t suppose anyone knows a good way to kill time on missions.” 

_‘Nobody suggest making out with him!’_

_‘It seems three of us had similar scenarios…’_

_‘Trapped within the foeman’s walls with naught to do save enjoy the company of our fair General.’_

_‘So you all…with the fake Hux?’_

_‘Indeed I did!  Though…it was actually a ghost…’_

_‘It’s okay biggest brother, you got out alright and the General isn’t hurt.’_

_‘Most of us made it out before it came to that.’_

_‘Eleo…you’re being kind of quiet.  Oh…shit…it did that!?’_

_‘I thought I could get some information out of it, then it put me through a mental wringer.  I’m fine now, it was just really uncomfortable.’_

_‘We can feel how awful that was.  Maybe…do you want to-?”_

_‘What?  Talk about my feelings while we all braid each other’s hair?  I appreciate it Priss but I’m not really in the mood now.  No hard feelings?’_

_‘No, though if ever you would like to have your hair done, I won’t judge you.’_

_‘Ugh…knew you’d say something mushy like that.’_

Hux groaned, “Perhaps something that I could be a part of as well?” 

“Why not jump in with us?” asked Eleo. 

“You would be a most welcome addition!” declared E’Chon. 

“I just…I’m flattered, but I know there’s at least one thing out there combing through my thoughts, and that’s quite enough,” explained Hux.  He sighed, “Sorry, please continue, I’ll find something to occupy myself with.” 

“It’s okay, I won’t leave you alone,” said Kylo. 

Hux paused looked around then palmed himself in the forehead, “For goodness sakes…There was something I could have been doing…” 

He wrapped his arms around Kylo, burying his face in the crook of his shoulder, “This…makes people feel better, doesn’t it?  Am I doing it right?” 

The first feeling Kylo felt was a little alarm.  For a moment he wondered if this was the fake Hux in a third layer of illusions.  When a few seconds passed and he realized the hug was a purely plationic one, he knew it had to be the real Hux.  The General rarely offered affection this way, but when he felt it, Kylo recognized it and wrapped his arms around Hux. 

“It is, and we can all feel it,” assured Kylo, sending Hux feelings of affection and appreciation, the ‘sunshine’ feeling as Hux had dubbed it.  Hux felt slightly embarrassed by it, since it sounded so juvenile, but at the time it was the only word he had to describe what he had felt. 

“I’m sure he’ll wake up,” said Hux, trying to offer what comfort he could. 

Kylo looked over at Seigurd and wished he could say the same. 

"So...what exactly was that spirit using to distract you?" asked Hux. 

Kylo pinked slightly and muttered, "Um...w-well..." 


	19. He will Give Me All The Empty Reasons Part Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't intend for this challenge to be a six chapter monstrosity. I'll try not to let it happen again in the future.

Seigurd felt nothing around him but darkness as the vessel purred for him, intent on pleasing and being pleased, fully in tune with his own desires.  The darkness that had been lurking inside him was spilling out as he gave in to his emotions.  There was so much of it, enough to drown out everything else.  The vessel had never seemed more desirable than in that moment.  He was perfection, exactly what the texts had described, exactly what he had been longing for. 

“Stay with me?” pleaded the vessel, “I want you to stay with me so badly.  You’ve helped me break free…you’ve been trying to help me all along, I just couldn’t understand.  Stay with me, please?” 

Seigurd stroked the vessel’s face and regarded him lovingly, “I’ll fulfill your desires vessel.” 

“Thank you,” said the vessel, kissing him sweetly, “Thank you so much.” 

He sent the vessel his affection, his desire, things he had refrained from letting him feel because of those awful inhibitions he had.  The vessel nuzzled against Seigurd, still naked with only what remained of his bindings to cover him, “Say you need me…please?” 

“I need you, vessel.” 

“Say I’m the only thing you need, then I’ll be yours forever.” 

The ultimatum gave Seigurd some pause.  He sensed a desire, a need for the vessel to hear those words from his mouth and for him to mean them.  Before, the first time they all concurred with the vessel he had been so touched by the idea of being needed simply for who he was that the vessel had nearly been brought to tears.  He didn’t want to deny him that.  The second part seemed more suspect.  His forever?  Then what of the Master of Ren?  What of his ship and his order and those other things that had made his darkness so deep and full. 

“Don’t…don’t you want me?” asked the vessel, sounding hurt. 

“I want you very much,” said Seigurd. 

“Then stay with me,” pleaded the vessel, kissing his hands and kneeling submissively before him, “It’s been so long.  I just want someone to stay with me.” 

“Of course I’ll stay,” said Seigurd, cupping the vessel’s face, ready to wipe tears from his shimmering eyes. 

“Then…you know what you need to tell me,” said the vessel. 

   ***  

“So…there was an apple tart?” 

“Um…yeah…”

“Silk stockings?” 

“Really cute pink ones…” 

“A feather duster?” 

“Uh…” 

“Animal ears?” 

“Fox ears…and a tail…” 

“But the thing that gave it all away was a _punch bowl_!?” 

Thankfully Hux didn’t seem angry because of any of Kylo’s kinks.  He flushed at them, but he wasn’t angry, just disbelieving that Kylo hadn’t realized the whole situation was an illusion.  Kylo looked down at him sheepishly, “Well, yeah…” 

“Kylo, why would I have any of those things with me?” demanded Hux, completely exasperated. 

“W-well…fake-you said the tarts were rations,” said Kylo. 

“Almost believable,” muttered Hux. 

“And the stockings just…made you feel pretty,” continued Kylo. 

“Understandable but something you know for a fact I don’t own,” Hux mumbled to himself. 

“The feather duster was for cleaning…” 

“Cleaning what!?  The Temple!?  What tactical use does a feather duster have!?” 

“And uh…th-the ears were camouflage for forests and tall grass…” said Kylo. 

“Yes, because running about naked with a tail shoved partway up one’s ass is precisely how to avoid detection!” raved Hux, “Really!?  Just… _Really_!?” 

_‘He’s…heh…got a point boss…’_

_‘S-stop laughing Eleo…ha…i-it’s not funny…’_

_‘My beloved is right…ha ha…t-tis not a goodly thing to…heh…mock our sweet master…’_

_‘BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!’_

_‘You probably should have noticed sooner.’_

_‘I…I couldn’t help it…he looked so cute with his little ears and tail making these adorably whiny noises…Here, look at my memories!’_

_‘…damn…’_

_‘Oh my…’_

_‘Such a spritely kit he makes…’_

_‘Were that not a ghost he would be most pleasing!’_

_‘It really knew how to cater to your imagination.’_

_‘Right!  I mean, I didn’t mean to get distracted but…look at that and tell me you wouldn’t be the least bit interested!’_

_‘He looks cute like that alright.’_

_‘It’s a bit much for my tastes.  Bringing food into the bedroom seems too messy.’_

_‘Priss, the whole point is to make a mess.  What’s a little more mess in the scheme of things?’_

_‘It just seems unsanitary and depending what you use is probably terrible for the skin.’_

_‘Right…because you’ve never done anything unsanitary.  You know I’m linked to your head, right?’_

“I suppose it can’t be helped now, and you did get out eventually…” sighed Hux.  He looked up at Kylo questioningly, “So that’s…what you like?” 

Kylo looked away and muttered, “I wasn’t brought up as strictly as Seigurd but I was watched a lot.  I knew I liked things but didn’t have an outlet.  And nobody ever talked about desires or things like that.  I thought I was the only one and kept it to myself and suppressed everything.  So now I've finally got an outlet and...I know they’re kind of juvenile things…” 

“We’ll talk about it later.  Not sure I like the idea of…being covered in pie…but we should probably talk about it, even if we don’t do anything right away,” reasoned Hux. 

It was a relief to know Hux wasn’t going to freak out or leave him over this, like Kylo had feared he would.  He also raised no objection to the fox ears or pink ribbons, he just thought they should have given away the illusion for what it was.

Eleo leaned down and looked over Seigurd, “Damn, he’s really out like a light…” 

The knight crouched down beside Seigurd’s prone, unresponsive body and leaned over him, prodding lightly at the armour under his robes.  A pattern came into Eleo’s mind as he breathed heavily over the armour to fog it and began to draw a-

“You’re seriously drawing a dick right now!?” snapped Hathor. 

Eleo shrugged and groaned, “He’s the last one up, serves him right.  It’s not like we have anything better to do.” 

“Bwahaha!  It’s funny because he is oblivious!” laughed E’Chon. 

“Well, seems you’re not the most juvenile one here…” mumbled Hux, giving Kylo a playful hip-check. 

“Mako I know what you’re thinking and you will not!  I forbid it!” snapped Hathor. 

“T’is only in jest,” argued Mako, stifling a laugh as Eleo traced another dick on Seigurd’s armour. 

“I shall join in the drawing of the dicks!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

_‘That’s not a very nice thing to do…’_

“Well, if he was being less of a dick, he wouldn’t be covered in dicks, now would he?” reasoned Eleo.  He moved in to trace another and stopped, “Hold on…someone help me get this off of him!  Now!” 

Kylo sensed his knight’s panic and instantly felt his observations.  The rise and fall of Seigurd’s chest had stopped.  Eleo had only noticed because his face had been so close and he stopped feeling the other knight’s breath on his face.  E’Chon helped Eleo pull the armour away and Kylo froze as he felt a quickly weakening pulse in Seigurd’s throat.  Normally Seigurd was the one Kylo would call on in an emergency like this but now who could help with this. 

The other knights felt their brother starting to fade away and Kylo could feel their horror, their helplessness and dismay.  Gaius clung to E’Chon and Hathor kept his hands clasped over his mouth as if to stifle a scream.  Hux moved closer to Eleo, “What’s wrong?  What’s happening!?” 

“He stopped breathing!” exclaimed Eleo. 

“Alright, step back!” commanded Hux, giving the knight a shove, “I know how to do CPR but I need all of you to step _back_!” 

E’Chon pulled Gaius back as Hux looked over the knight before he began to initiate chest compressions and mouth to mouth breathing.  Kylo moved in closer only to earn a bark from Hux, “I said step back!” 

“What can I do!?” asked Kylo. 

Hux grunted through the compressions, “I may need you to take over doing this if I tire out!”

He didn’t know how.  He had no idea how to do what Hux was doing.  He looked over the General and said regretfully, with some resolve, “Then I need to get into your head for a minute.”

“What!?” called Hux.  

“I don’t know how to do this so I need to see how to do it in your mind!” insisted Kylo. 

Hux gave him a wary look before glancing down at Seigurd, “Fine, just make it quick!”   

The situation was life or death.  Normally he would have talked over the procedure with Hux, waited a moment for him to come to terms with what was going to happen, but there was no time for that.  Kylo reached out and entered Hux’s mind.  The information he wanted was just on the surface since Hux was accessing it himself.  Kylo saw a first response class at Arkanis Academy, students lined up with medical dummies as they were taught how to preform basic first aid while in the field and drilled about how the survival of their unit could mean the success or failure of an operation. 

He saw through the eyes of a very young Hux, listening to him grunt and count out compressions and measure out his breaths as he inflated a set of artificial lungs, trying to successfully resuscitate his dummy, desperate not to fail the class.  Kylo memorized everything, where to put his hands, how many compressions and how many breaths.  He pulled back and relayed the information to his knights. 

_‘Everyone got that!?’_

_‘Yeah, so we’ll take turns until he wakes up?’_

_‘It’s all we can do…dammit Seigurd, what the hell are you doing in there!?’_

   ***  

“You aren’t our vessel, are you?” 

The vessel, or the spirit who wore his face gave him a needy, pleading look, “Does that mean you don’t want me?” 

Seigurd looked the creature over.  It wasn’t the vessel, he knew it wasn’t, and yet his desire for it was great.  It had copied his body so perfectly and behaved perfectly in accordance with the texts.  It had mastered the darkness within it and poured it out just as willingly as it accepted affection.  More than that it understood him.  It understood that the title of vessel was a sign of respect, not an insult.  It understood that every lecture, every touch was given because Seigurd cared about it.  There was no snark, no callousness, no misunderstandings…

…no spine…

The vessel placed Seigurd’s hands over his chest, “Please…what did I do wrong?  I’ll fix it.  I can be perfection for you.” 

It already was perfection, dark and so eager to serve.  It nuzzled against him, pleading, “See, isn’t this better?  That awful Hux creature can be so cruel, can’t he?  He just never understood, but I do.  I can make you happy.  I also have so much knowledge about the dark side of the Force.  You can have it all, and all of me, just tell me how much you need it and it will all be yours.” 

‘That Hux creature.’  That was how Seigurd had called him, but hearing it out loud it seemed so strange to him.  It suddenly occurred to him how low and degrading the words seemed now that they rang in his ears.  Perhaps it was no wonder the vessel constantly misunderstood his intentions.  Usually he was in the minds of his brothers and knew how to approach them, but without that access he couldn’t see the insult he might have been doing the vessel. 

“He won’t let you, he never will, you know how awful he is,” said the vessel, “With his rules and stagnation.  You hate those, you’ve been stifled for too long.  I’ll give you the freedom you can’t have with him.” 

And yet that was part of his charm.  Seeing one who had been something like himself, suppressed by a strict upbringing and just now beginning to experiment with his emotions.  Watching him learn, grow and develop with the hope that perhaps he might grow to fulfillment.  He was not a perfect vessel, but his charm was in his potential, how hard he was trying to reach it, his fear of intimacy and resolve to press through it… 

“He’s an awful, two-faced creature,” the vessel warned, becoming more frustrated, “He’s unfit to be a vessel.  You have no idea what he’s capable of doing.  I’ve been in his mind.  He’s a wretched, monstrous, vile-”

“That’s enough.” 

Seigurd kept the creature with the vessel’s, Hux’s face, at arm’s length, “I’ve seen and heard enough.” 

“I’m saying this for your own good, Knight of Ren!” exclaimed the spirit fretfully, “You don’t know what he does.  It’s in his breeding.  He’s been trained to-”

“I am aware he is hiding something, but more than the danger I sensed his shame,” said Seigurd, “And I would return to him.  My task cannot be completed here.  I’ve been a fool to allow you to distract me.” 

“He’s not what you think he is,” seethed the spirit. 

“No…I once thought him a creature, something base and low because he had no connection to the Force.  I thought him an ill-mannered, disrespectful being because he did not immediately fall into his roll.  Unfortunately I find myself still thinking those things of him on occasion, but I know different now.  I know he will be an excellent vessel because he tries so hard to become one,” said Seigurd, he sighed slightly, “He is beautiful and puts forth such efforts, and I owe him an apology…and perhaps I owe you one as well.” 

The spirit shrank back, startled by those words.  Seigurd approached and it stepped back, “I sense your loneliness spirit.  Your frustrations.  You can give any being whatever they desire with your command over the Force, and yet to gain their approval you must become someone other than yourself.  It seems a lonely existence.  I apologize for worsening it.” 

Seigurd bowed to the spirit, a sign of respect for someone who must have been a true master of the mind and darkness.  The spirit looked across at him as he rose, tearful, clenching its hands the way Hux did when he became upset.  The spirit sobbed as it began to furiously wipe its eyes, “Go away!  How dare you…how dare you say those things…after all I did to you and your…I’m not lonely, I can have anyone I want grovel at my feet…I’m not lonely…I’m stronger than you’ll ever be…I don't need you or anyone else...you'd just leave like everyone else anyways...” 

“I must complete my mission, spirit,” said Seigurd. 

“Go then,” said the spirit, loneliness and anticipation of years without contact flooding the room, displacing the darkness Seigurd had thought belonged to Hux. 

Seigurd blinked and woke up.  He had thought the creature was done with him, and yet it persisted.  He lay on his back with Hux’s lips pressed aggressively to his own.  Seigurd’s anger and frustration took him instantly.  He bolted up, thrusting a hand out to push the spirit away with the Force.  It flew back, helpless as a ragdoll before Seigurd drew it up with one hand by the throat, choking it.  Force flowed out of him in all directions, stinging, biting and flinging everything away as the full force of his anger make itself known. 

“Did you not hear me spirit!?  Attempting to snare me in another illusion!?” he snarled, drawing it close until it’s white throat was nearly fitted into his palm, “My pity is not so lasting!  I tire of your tricks and lies!  You are unfit to wear the face of one so true in his desires and in possession of such pure darkness!  You will feel my wrath you depraved, wretched, incubus!” 

“Seigurd!  That’s the real Hux!” 

Seigurd felt the heat of a plasma blade at his back and the Master of Ren’s frightened, even voice, “Seig, put him down…this isn’t an illusion.  That’s the real Hux.  Let him go Seig…” 

Seigurd looked at Hux, whose face was beginning to turn a furious, purplish-red and dropped him instantly.  He coughed and breathed deeply, clutching at his throat.  Hathor Ren approached and rubbed the vessel’s back soothingly as Kylo deactivated his lightsaber and moved to Hux’s side, “Are you okay Hux?” 

“Fine…fine…startled is all…” Hux coughed. 

Seigurd stared in shock.  He had just strangled their vessel with the Force. 

_‘Yep.  Yep you did.’_

_‘Seig...say you’re sorry.  You really hurt him.’_

_‘I’m aware of that, Gaius Ren.’_

_‘Then say something!  He looks hurt pretty bad…’_

Seigurd approached and put out his hand, crouching slightly so he could look Hux in the eye, “Are…is he alright?” 

“He’ll be fine, but he’s hurt,” said Hathor, about to place a hand over the vessel’s throat to heal him. 

“No…I ought to,” said Seigurd, coming closer and sending Hathor his thoughts, _‘Let me make amends for this.’_

Hathor pulled back and Seigurd placed a hand on the vessel’s throat.  He sent the Force through the sore flesh and did what he could to soothe it while Hux tried to regulate his breathing. 

Hux took in the sensation of Force-healing.  He’d never felt it before.  It was something like the sunshine fondness that Kylo sent him in the way it comforted and soothed, but it wasn’t as warm.  Then Seigurd sent him something else.  It felt cool, in a refreshing sort of way.  It was like a piece of peppermint candy that Hux had snuck into his kit, claiming, to anyone who asked, he used them in lieu of lozenges.  Cool and refreshing, a guilty, secret and pleasant little comfort on frosty evenings that he had never told anyone about. 

“How do you fare?” asked Seigurd. 

“I’m alright,” said Hux, a bit lost in this strange feeling.  Kylo hand joined in and now everything was sunshine and peppermint. 

_‘Holy shit Seigurd, all he did was give you mouth to mouth!  You stopped breathing and everything.’_

_‘My guilt was sufficient before Eleo Ren…you are not being helpful.’_

“Vessel,” said Seigurd automatically before correcting to, “General…” 

“Yes?” coughed Hux, rising to his feet. 

Seigurd looked up at the Hux, his mouth twisting for a moment before muttering a single word, “…apologies…” 

It was more than he had ever gotten from Seigurd in the past.  Hux sighed his own blunt response, “Accepted.” 

“Oh, here Seig, you need your armour,” said Eleo Ren. 

“Indeed!” said E’Chon, sounding a great deal less mirthful than before, “It bears a fitting emblem in light of your impulsive strangling!” 

The large knight shoved Seigurd’s breastplate against his chest.  Hux covered his mouth with a hand, doing his best not to laugh.  To laugh at such a thing would be unfit for someone who was supposed to be mature and authoritative.  He tried hard not to laugh, but a few snorts came out despite his efforts. 

Seigurd had a massive dick drawn on his armour, made apparent by smeared polish. 

The knight didn’t seem to notice and put on the helm Eleo handed him, which had two other dicks similarly smeared near the mouthpiece.  Hux now had both hands clamped over his mouth and held his breath to keep from laughing. 

“Is something amiss?” asked Seigurd. 

“…no…” Hux squeaked in an attempt to stifle himself. 

E’Chon’s usual jubilance returned when he saw Hux trying to hide a laugh.  He patted Seigurd’s head and explained the joke, “You see!  It is funny because it is a penis!” 

Seigurd looked down before growling and grasped E’Chon by the shoulders, having to stand on the tips of his toes to reach that high as he raved, “How dare you make a mockery of the sacred symbol of a knight’s honour E’Chon Ren!?  Feel how the darkness flows through me as I-”

“Time to chill, grandpa,” said Eleo, cuffing Seigurd upside the head, “You’re supposed to be less cranky after your nap.” 

“Consider how the lines would be made out, had it been an ass you’d been, dear lout,” teased Mako.  Hathor grinned and gave him a discreet high-five. 

 _‘I think that’s enough,’_ piped Gaius, grabbing onto Hux’s arm, _‘I think we’ve been fighting each other too much lately.’_

“But, come on, I did draw a really great dick,” protested Eleo, turning Seigurd to face the others, “Is this not an amazing dick!” 

“Yeah, that’s certainly a dick,” said Kylo, rolling his eyes and looking at Hux before he replaced his helmet, “You’re okay to keep going?” 

Hux nodded, his mouth quivering as he held back a few more laughs, “Let’s keep going.  Only six more challenges left.” 


	20. As Long As I Have You Near Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally on to the next challenge! Sorry that last one got long. I will try to keep them more concise from now on!

_‘Right, so let’s focus on what we’ve learned.’_

_‘It chooses its targets based on who’s displaying some sort of weakness.’_

_‘And then attacks in a way that targets that weakness…Gaius was afraid of not being able to keep up and Seigurd was letting his attachment to the General get the better of him.’_

_‘So was I though.  Why didn’t it make me its primary target?’_

_‘It might mean to save our leader for last!’_

_‘Does it do that normally?’_

_‘None speak freely of their challenges.  After witnessing this much I can understand the compulsion.  However, if it perceives our Master as the strongest among us, it might mean to wear him down to a point where he might be more susceptible.’_

_‘And…it doesn’t like the General.  Kylo…it threatened to hurt him if he didn’t leave.  N-no don’t look at him Master of Ren.  You know he’ll hate it if you stop the mission to question him.’_

_‘Make thyself calm good master.’_

_‘But we have to get him out of here!’_

_‘Do you think General Airstrike is just going to let that slide?  He'll take care of it on his own.’_

_‘I don’t care!  If he’s in trouble he needs to go back...wait... **that's** what it did to him!?  He didn't...why didn't he say something!?'  _

“Hux,” said Kylo, “Stop a minute.” 

Hux stopped and turned, looking up at Kylo, “Something wrong.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were attacked?” demanded Kylo. 

He looked over at Gaius and Hathor.  He had told them in confidence, but he supposed with their connection Kylo was bound to find out, “It wasn’t relevant.” 

“If it affects the mission, the team, it’s relevant and if anyone here should know that, it’s you!” said Kylo, almost accusing through his mask, “It might even be modifying challenges because of you.  I think you should go back.” 

Hux glared up at him, “And in spite of that I’ve passed two of your challenges faster than you did!” 

 _‘General, please, he’s just trying to keep you safe,’_ explained Gaius, taking Hux’s hand, _‘I know how much it would hurt your pride to turn back, but your crew needs you too.  If this place is trying to hurt you, the smart thing to do might be to fall back for their sake.’_

“Gaius…” said Hux, slowly trying to formulate a counter argument.  He shook his head, “If it gets worse I’ll fall back…” 

“We’re not asking you to do this because we think you’re weak,” said Kylo, “You know what would happen if this place put you out of commission.” 

“Chaos,” replied Hux, looking around at the other knights, “I don’t want to turn back.” 

“We know,” said Hathor quietly, “But if this next challenge involves being separated and helplessness, we might not be able to look out for you.” 

Hux pursed his lips slightly, “If our theory is right the one we should be looking out for is you…” 

Hathor shrugged slightly, trying to act indifferent, but Hux could see the whole thing was a façade even without the Force.  His eyes kept looking about, waiting for a sign of anything that might come at him, and his hands hovered over his weapons.  Usually Hathor was much more relaxed, more comfortable with his surroundings. 

Mako seemed to sense this as well and was practically glued to his lover’s side.  He linked his arm in Hathor’s, “T’was ne’re an enemy that could pry my desert flower from me.” 

Hathor smiled, but didn’t reply verbally.  He might have said something through their connection, but if he did, Hux would not have been able to hear it.  They stayed close to each other.  Perhaps if they were physically linked the temple would have a difficult time separating. 

“Pairing up might be a good idea,” said Hux. 

“Good thing we’ve got an even number,” said Eleo, wrapping an arm around Seigurd and smacking their helmets against each other. 

The knights collectively placed a hand to their heads, all having heard the clatter next to their ears.  Gaius stayed by E’Chon, slipping one hand into the other knight’s large one.  Kylo put an arm around Hux, “Whatever it threatened to do to you, I won’t let it happen.” 

“My hero,” sighed Hux sarcastically as he kept his hand on his blaster. 

Approaching, they saw the hall split into four paths. 

Eleo groaned, “Well it’s not like we have to split up!  We could all just take the same path.” 

“But will it let us?” asked Kylo warily. 

Hathor narrowed his eyes at the diverging paths, “I think it’s going to make us find out…” 

“Right…Eleo and Seigurd first, then-” Kylo began. 

Hux cut him off, “Then I’ll try to follow.  If this place shocks one of you all seven will feel it.  If it shocks me there’s less collateral damage.” 

Kylo glared down at him through the mask, “That’s completely out of the question!” 

“The Ve…General makes a valid argument,” Seigurd protested, “The lightening we felt was not fatal, it was meant to correct, not kill.  Looking at the situation in that light, it makes sense.” 

_‘Which isn’t to say I approve, Master of Ren.’_

_‘I don’t want him getting shocked every time we need to test something!’_

_‘I shall withstand the shocking!’_

_‘E’Chon?’_

_‘I shall remove myself from our connection and withstand the shocking!  It shall not defeat me!’_

_‘Are you sure biggest brother?  It hurt a lot.’_

_‘All will be well!  I am very hardy indeed!  I can withstand the punishment!’_

_‘…and you want to get back at that ghost…’_

_‘It was a most heinous, unsavory ghost!’_

Kylo looked down at Hux, “E’Chon will test it.” 

“But he’ll have to disconnect himself from the rest of you,” said Hux. 

“He volunteered and I know how much he can take before it’s too much,” argued Kylo, “Just stay back for a few more minutes.” 

“You brought me here to make strategies and now you’re undermining me,” growled Hux. 

“Yes, make strategies, not be a human Force-lightening rod!” snapped Kylo, “We stay in pairs, E’Chon checks for traps.” 

It was more or less his original plan, only with E’Chon taking the additional risk.  Hux knew he ought to back off, but he disliked the nagging feeling that Kylo didn’t think he could take it.  He had spent years trying to become strong, the strongest.  In Arkanis Academy his survival had depended on it.  Would he need to prove himself all over again?  He didn’t like the idea of Kylo coddling him because of their relationship, and he absolutely hated the thought of Kylo imagining him to be weak. 

“Alright, let’s just focus on trying not to get separated,” said Hux, relenting in the hopes of keeping thing together. 

“Come on grandpa, I’ll help you cross the hall,” said Eleo, grabbing Seigurd’s arm. 

“Your disrespect knows no bounds Eleo Ren!” snapped Seigurd, “Feel how the darkness-!” 

“Yeah, yeah, come on old timer,” replied the other knight dismissively as he pulled him towards one of the middle halls.

They took a few steps in before turning around.  Eleo called back, “The floor’s slanted a bit.” 

Mako looked down and swiped his foot back and forth over the tiles, “Seems as flat as worlds were thought to be.”  

“It’s not flat…” said Seigurd.  His pale blue eyes suddenly flicked up, “Hold on to something!” 

The floor suddenly dropped beneath their feet, and this time it was real. 

It wasn’t a slow re-angling of the floor.  It swung down immediately, along with the passages, sending them into a free fall.  Hux could feel arms around him and began to panic.  He couldn’t land in this position.  If the ground at the bottom of this floor was solid he would have to roll to avoid breaking his legs.  He couldn’t do that with someone wrapped around him. 

He didn’t have time to think.  His training took over.  There was a man attaching him preventing him from making a safe landing.  He needed to get the man off him.  If the man didn’t get off of him… 

It was only when he shoved the man away that he remembered the man was Kylo. 

He fell down into the darkness and lost all track of the others. 

   ***  

Hathor wasn’t sure how he had lost Mako.  They were holding each other tightly one moment and the next they had been pulled apart, torn, like something had latched onto them and wrenched them away from each other by force.  Or with the Force.  That was more likely. 

He landed alone, tucking and rolling, keeping an ear out for the sounds of seven other bodies dropping.  He kept his mind open, waiting for six other voices to join his thoughts.  Feel six bodies recover from the landing.  There was nothing, as they had predicted, the Temple had separated them.  He was alone now. 

Quickly, he surveyed his surroundings.  He was in a hall.  He didn’t think that it was luck that kept him from hitting a wall instead of the ground.  This was part of the Temple’s plan, it had to be.  Looking up he couldn’t see the top of the walls on either side of him.  He could use the Force or try to climb to a better vantage point, but there was no telling how long that would take or how much energy he would expend.  Which left two directions to go, forwards or backwards. 

Hathor closed his eyes and listened, finding the idea of listening with only one pair of ears for the second time that day incredibly jarring.  He couldn’t hear anything coming from either direction.  Both of them were equally likely to help him find the others or lead them further apart. 

“We predicted this,” Hathor said out loud through his mask, “You all have to have known that.  We were prepared for this.” 

He doubted that the Temple was letting them off lightly.  It was meant to test and try and break any who challenged it.  There was no such thing as easy here. 

Cautiously he chose to move forward. 

   ***  

Hux hit the ground and rolled to minimize the damage.  He stopped, waiting to hear something that would tell him which direction he ought to go in.  Hearing nothing he reached for his com…

…then retracted his hand. 

The quickest way to make contact was with the coms he had handed out.  However, if it was anything like the grappling gun they would only have one chance to communicate before the Temple figured out how it worked.  If he only had one chance to contact everyone he had to make it count.  The only other knights he could imagine would instinctively reach for the com were Eleo and Kylo.  Eleo had realized that the Temple could figure out their technology as they used it.  Hopefully Kylo wouldn’t get emotional and try to contact him on a whim. 

He closed his eyes and cursed to himself.  If Kylo did that it would be his own fault.  He had shoved the knight off of him when they were in free fall.  There had been no time to explain that he had acted on instinct and hadn’t meant to hurt or confuse him. 

In any case, he had to move.  Standing where he was wouldn’t help anyone, least of all himself.  He’d had enough sitting around during the last challenge.  He had landed facing in one direction and was inclined to follow it, but that might have been what the Temple expected, pointing him in the direction that it wanted him to go.  If he went the wrong way the Temple could force him to go the way it wanted.  He checked behind him and saw it looked exactly the same as what was ahead of him. 

Turning on the light on his helmet he found the flashlight did little to penetrate the darkness.  He took a flare gun from his belt instead and fired it in front of him.  He listed to see how far it went, if it would strike a wall or light up any obstacles.  He did the same to the hall behind him.  They both seemed the same, like they both stretched forward and went on forever.  Both the same, both having equal chances for success or failure.  He shot a third flare straight up to see if he could send out a signal, and cursed at himself once more when he found the walls stretching upwards as far as the flare could fly. 

He decided to move backwards.  He drew his blaster and walked along at a quick, but cautious, pace.  The flare hadn’t revealed anything for several meters, so the advance would be safe for just a little longer.  He reached into one of his pouches for a set of infrared goggles and stopped himself.  It might help him spot an ally up ahead, but if he was dealing with the Force or some other energy-based entity, it probably wouldn’t show up in his field of vision.  He didn’t want to go in blind against enemies that might be ahead. 

Of course in the dark like this he was blind anyways, so it might be prudent after all. 

Hux pulled off his helmet for a moment to strap the goggles on.  He couldn’t see anything up ahead.  The only heat signature he saw was from what remained of the flare.  The one consolation was that he could keep moving forward and felt some kind of control over his actions. 

He heard a sound up ahead, armour clattering, but there was still no heat signature to be seen.  Hux reached up and ripped the goggles off from under the visor.  No heat meant that it wasn’t one of the knights for certain.  He couldn’t see anything ahead in the inky blackness and the light on his helm did nothing to penetrate it.  It was less of a lack of light and more like trying to see through smoke.  He was blind and could still hear the armour advancing. 

Hux watched as blacked robed forms suddenly came into view and watched a red plasma weapon ignite.  Hux’s eyes widened.  It wasn’t Kylo.  There was an undead Sith knight advancing on him. 

He began to take a few steps back when he heard screaming up ahead of him.  It was pained, desperate, screaming for help.  Hux’s blood froze when he realized who was screaming.  He had to get to Kylo, even if he had to go through the ghost of a Sith knight to do it. 

Hux snarled and began unloading shot after shot of plasma at the knight, advancing as much as he could.  He stood little chance in close quarters so long as the knight had its lightsaber, but Hux felt certain that if he couldn’t kill the knight with his blaster, he could push him back enough to continue advancing. 

He heard his name being called out, desperate and pleading, mingling with howls of pain.  Hux moved forward, barely out of reach of the knight as it swung its saber at him.  It felt real, radiating heat like a small furnace.  The sword seemed real, and Hux knew if he charged into it he wouldn’t be able to save himself, let alone Kylo. 

He finally gave in, reaching for his comlink.  He opened the channel and hoped someone, anyone would respond.  He continued to fire, the knight dodging and deflecting the bolts of plasma as if he could predict where Hux would fire them.  He probably could. 

“Hux, this is Kylo!  I’m coming!  Just hold on a little longer, I’m coming!” Kylo shouted through the com in a frenzy. 

Hux stopped his assault and pulled back.  Kylo couldn’t be screaming and reassuring him at the same time.  One of them was fake, and since the Temple likely hadn’t encountered a comlink before, he was probably speaking with the real Kylo. 

“Kylo, I’m fine.  What you’re hearing isn’t me.  Fall back,” said Hux, calmly.  

“What!?  How do you-?”

“Because it’s doing the same thing to me,” said Hux quietly, ducking away into the darkness and running from the knight, “We need to contact the others before this place figures out how we’re talking.  It’s trying to trick us.” 

As soon as Hux turned off the com he heard desperate tapping against the receiver, _‘Someone help!  E’Chon is in trouble!  I can’t get to him!’_

“It’s a trap, fall back,” Hux repeated as he ran.  He supposed if he hadn’t figured it out the challenge would be quite plain.  Charge to his death to attempt to rescue his ‘comrades’ or abandon them for the sake of the mission.  “Try to reach the others.  We won’t have much time before this place figures us out.” 

“Hux, I contacted E’Chon!” 

“The battle is a trap!?” 

“I think so,” said Hux, “It’s mimicking our voices and trying to make us fight.  Fall back.” 

“Shit, I almost forgot we had these things!  Has anyone heard from Seigurd!?  All I can hear is him screaming his lungs out!” 

“I am here Eleo Ren…which one of you is real?” 

“…Shit!  I know what this thing is doing and we need to fall back!” 

That left Mako and Hathor.  Knowing the two knights if they heard the other being brutally attacked, neither of them would be inclined to stop and pick up a com.  If either of them did, it would probably be Mako.  While Heian technology was not what Hux was used to, it was present and had a place in their society.  Mako probably grew up with and trusted machines to an extent.  Hathor had spent a good portion of his life without them, so reaching for a com might not occur to him as something to do instinctively. 

It would only take a few moments.  Just a press of a button to open the channels on their ends and then someone could warn them.  Hux kept moving, passing the streaks on the walls from where the flares had burnt them.  He recalled reading how the Temple could change its shape to create challenges.  Hopefully, like Hathor in the illusion challenge, they had caught it off guard early enough to have some sort of advantage. 

That seemed to be the case.  Hux came into a large room with seven halls that linked into it.  No doubt the knights would be in each of the other halls.  If they were retreating, they all ought to meet up soon. 

“Hello, Force-Null.” 

Hux whirled around and saw the knight that had been chasing him.  Hux held up his blaster spoke quietly, “They’ll be here any minute now.  I doubt you can face all seven of them.” 

“Hux!?  What’s happening!?  Who are you talking to!?” 

“You have interesting weapons, Force-Null,” noted the knight, “Tell me, why do you persist?  These challenges aren’t yours.  This sort of training is not meant for one such as yourself.” 

“Training?  You’re trying to break them,” said Hux firmly, ignoring Kylo’s voice over the com. 

“As your training broke you, over and over?” asked the knight.  It wasn’t mocking him, Hux noted, it sounded surprisingly gentle as it kept its distance, “We’ve been in your mind, Murtagh Hux.  We know all about you.  We also know there isn’t an ounce of Force sensitivity in your body or mind.  This is no place for a Force-Null.” 

“I was asked to join them,” said Hux by way of explanation. 

“Ah, yes, the Knights of Ren would fight harder to protect their Queen and draw strength from your presence,” continued the knight, “Many of our own found their powers increased when the combined feelings of passion and fear fueled their actions.  You, however, are a most unusual Queen.  I assume you’re aware that this is a non-combative roll.  Your place is to wait, to comfort, to restore…and yet I sense nothing but destruction in your past and your future.” 

“Look, are we going to fight or are you trying to make some sort of point,” demanded Hux. 

“General!  How fares my love!?  Has any among us heard his voice!?” 

“Mako, try to stay calm.  It’s a trap.  We haven’t heard from Hathor…and it’s going to try to take over the com soon…” warned Hux as he stared the knight down. 

“That makes six, correct?” asked the knight, “You speak to them through that device.  In a few more moments we will understand it and it will be of no more use to you.  Before that happens though…”

The knight offered his arm, “You may contact your knights to inform them of your departure.  If you wish, I will escort you out of our sanctuary.” 

“I’m not leaving them…” growled Hux, “I will see this through to the end no matter how much you threaten me.” 

“Hm, yes, my comrade was quite brusque with you,” said the knight, sounding regretful, “I disapprove of those actions.” 

“So some of you have an honour code, but not all of the spirits here share your feelings,” said Hux. 

“Our personal conduct and philosophies vary, yes.  Now come with me Murtagh.  It is best that you leave this place, for your sake and for those who depend upon you,” continued the knight, taking a step forward and offering his hand. 

It was a friendly gesture, and strangely there was none of the eeriness that the previous spirit had possessed.  It seemed genuinely sincere about wanting to lead him away from harm.  It took another step forward, “My fellow spirits will not grant you further quarter and many do not wish for your continued advancement.  They will do all they can to crush your mind and spirit to force your retreat.  Consider your comrades on your ship and choose wisely.” 

Hux stared up at the knight, who was a towering presence, almost, if not just as big as E’Chon.  He stepped away, “The First Order needs Kylo Ren and his knights as well.  I will do what I can to assist them in their challenge.” 

There were other answers.  Answers that claimed the bulk of his reasoning in staying.  It wasn’t a well thought out, mercenary answer like the one he had given, and the thought of that terrified Hux slightly.  He wanted to stay because of their bond.  He wanted to stay to make sure Hathor picked up the com and realized the ruse.  He wanted to make sure he and Mako were reunited.  He wanted to see if he could make adjustments to his equipment to fool the Temple with Eleo.  He wanted to hear Gaius’ gentle voice of reason balancing out their group and mediating between so many strong and unique personalities.  He wanted to talk with Seigurd now that the knight had stopped calling him ‘vessel’ all the time.  He would miss E’Chon’s hugs if anything happened to him.  And Kylo…he needed to explain himself to Kylo.  Even if the knight understood, Hux wanted to say his piece and make sure all was mended between them. 

“I see…” said the knight, pulling his hand away. 

Suddenly noise erupted from the com.  There were seven voices crying out in pain and desperation.  Hux’s eyes widened.  They hadn’t heard from Hathor yet.  If he opened the com the Temple’s fake voices would be all he would be able hear. 

“Halt!” Hux barked, leveling his blaster at the knight, “You said I could give them one last message if I left.  If I go can I speak to them?” 

“Your pride is not so important that you would not forsake your comrade.  You would leave the challenge for the sake of sending one last message to your compatriot and assisting him with his challenge.  Admirable.  However that invitation has expired.  I can grant you no further quarter, Murtagh,” replied the knight apologetically, “I hope you survive this, I truly do.  You did well to come this far.” 

“No!” snapped Hux, “Restore the comlink!”  The knight did nothing.  Hux growled at him, opening fire, “Restore the comlink!” 

The bolts passed through the knight as it disappeared down the hall from whence it came.  Hux followed, only to be knocked back by an invisible pulse of energy.  He stood and called after it, “Come back!  Dammit!  Come back…” 

Hux stared as the knight disappeared into the empty blackness and Kylo's fake screams poured through the comlink. 


	21. As Long As I Have You Near Me Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, the titles from the challenge chapters are song lyrics. :P 
> 
> I wish I had more time to write. I can't believe I started updating this weekly since JUNE. I really wanted to get to a point where I could do daily updates. I really want to thank everyone who's stuck with the story so far. I'll keep working at it, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do daily updates between family and work...

Hux tried charging the entrance he had come through, only to find himself repulsed by the Force.  He couldn’t believe he had done this.  If he had just agreed to leave when the spirit requested it he could have spared the knights not one, but possibly two challenges.  If he was not in their number, whatever challenge the Temple had in store for him would never be sprung on the knights, and he could have made sure Hathor knew the trick to safely evading this trap as well.  He should have just said he would leave right away.  He had let his pride, his need for control get in the way not just of the mission but the greater good for his comrades.  He should have turned back. 

He had no idea how he was going to explain that to Mako. 

Hux listened in on his comlink, fake screams coming through with no sign of the real voices that had said that they were coming for him.  He wondered if something had happened, if they had turned back when they started hearing screams coming through the coms.  Or was it something else?  The spirits had the coms, they could be saying anything, using his voice and telling them to charge to their deaths.  He looked at the other halls.  There was a knight in each of them.  He left a marker by his own hall and tested the others, seeing if he could get through only to be repulsed by an invisible push. 

“I said I would leave,” Hux growled, “I said I would go if you let me speak to them.  Don’t you want me to leave?  Let me talk and I’ll go and never come back.” 

There was no response.  This spirit, unlike the last didn’t seem hostile towards him, but it was hardly benevolent, despite its language.  It spoke to him like he was a child, using his first name, chiding him and offering him special treatment.  He preferred dealing with it to the spirit that liked its illusions, but it was far from being helpful. 

He heard something approach, footsteps, two sets of loud ones.  He listened to each entrance and found the one it was coming from.  He peered through and shone a light through. 

“Ah!  Hux get that out of my eyes!” shouted Kylo. 

Hux turned the light off and within seconds Kylo barreled into the hub chamber that connected the halls.  He turned in time for them both to see a knight, the same as the one Hux had seen before retreated back down the hall.  Kylo watched it, panting slightly before turning to Hux.  He couldn't see Kylo's face through his helmet, but he could hear his distorted voice say disbelievingly, “I thought they were…I thought they hurt you.” 

Hux had prepared a litany of things to apologize for.  He had shoved Kylo away, he hadn’t been able to get them a shortcut through the challenge, and he continued to be more of a burden than an asset.  He was about to say all of this to the knight when he felt a pair of arms around him, “…you’re okay.” 

The words caused him to freeze for a moment.  He wasn’t used to this.  Hux couldn’t recall a time when someone had put his wellbeing before the mission.  He had made a horrible mistake, possibly two of them, and yet Kylo sounded relieved.  Hux could barely quantify it; that someone could put someone else, anyone else, before a goal or organization.  Putting one’s self first, that was something Hux had encountered before, and while he didn't like it he could understand it.  This was something completely different though. 

“I’m alright…we need to talk about what happened and what we’re going to do,” said Hux, pulling away slightly and changing the subject, “Could you hear me over the com?” 

“Yeah, just…what I heard sounded really real and with what they threatened to do to you during the last challenge…” said Kylo, trailing off. 

“Kylo, whatever happened in there is over, now you have six knights who aren’t here yet,” replied Hux, trying to coax the knight to calmness, to reason, “That’s what we need to be concerned with right now.  So did you hear me over the coms?” 

“Yes,” said Kylo with a sigh. 

“And could you hear the knight talking with me?” asked Hux. 

“I heard it offer you an ultimatum,” replied Kylo. 

Hux sighed through his nose, “I tried to accept it, I really did.  As soon as I realized what I could use it’s offer for I tried.” 

“I heard that, but I found myself rooting for you to stay.  As much as I want you to get out of here safe...well, you know what they say about going anywhere with strange people,” admitted Kylo.  He looked at his own passage at the knight, “I don’t know who that was but he was more than impressive with a lightsaber.  You did good standing your ground like that.” 

“You did well,” Hux corrected quietly.  He moved away from Kylo and scuffed the ground with his boot, marking it with a K, “I can watch these three halls if you watch the other three.  Will the others come soon?” 

“They cut us all off again,” Kylo grumbled slightly, “I can’t say for sure right now, but if I had to guess, we can expect Eleo or Gaius next.  Probably Eleo since he can run faster, but he might stay back if he thinks he can figure something out.  Seigurd’s a wildcard, he’ll do whatever his instincts say, and that might not be coming back right away.” 

“Still!?” exclaimed Hux, “Did he learn nothing from last time?”

“I don’t know.  He might have, I definitely sensed him wanting to change some of his ways, but we can’t count on that habit to die quick,” replied Kylo, “E’Chon might try to fight it even though it’s a trap, mostly because he can.  Mako…he’ll probably hesitate.  If he thinks fighting might get him to Hathor faster, he’ll probably try.  And Hathor…” 

“He’ll try to help everyone, but he doesn’t know…” Hux trailed off.  He shook his head.  There was nothing he could do.  The spirits were keeping him penned into this room, probably until the others arrived.  He glanced at Kylo, “Can you push through the barrier?  It keeps pushing me back.” 

Kylo lifted a hand and placed it against one of the entrances, “Not alone I can’t, it’s too much for me to do by myself.  And even if I could, I could only get to one, and then I’d need to rest before I could break through another one again.” 

Hux nodded.  They didn’t know which corridor was Hathor’s, and even if they figured it out, Hux wasn’t sure they could dissuade him from fighting the spirit without Mako there with them.  Once they had Hathor and knew which corridor to take, they might be able to mount a rescue attempt. 

Hux kept an ear open for footsteps as he asked, “How do you choose which ones are your lieutenants anyhow?” 

“Same way you do,” said Kylo, “Merit and skill.  If you had your choice, which ones would you choose?” 

Hux shrugged, “Hathor’s an obvious choice.  He’s versatile and can occupy most any position.  Normally I would say Seigurd since he’s so strong with the Force, but like you said, he’s a wildcard.  Eleo might be good, but he’s also the best suited in your group for technical work, so I wouldn’t want to risk him.  I’d say it would be a tossup between Mako and E’Chon.  Mako is more reliable, but E’Chon has less reservations about entering a combat zone…and I can understand him when he speaks most of the time.” 

“Not Gaius?” asked Kylo. 

Hux shook his head slightly, “He acts best as a mediator within the group.  I’d want him on operations that required tact and delicacy, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him into a hostile situation without backup.” 

Kylo nodded, “I felt bad.  Seigurd and Eleo are older and more experienced, but like you said, for all E’Chon’s faults, he’s intimidating.  Usually we can end a fight just by giving our enemies a good look at him.  And even if they don’t give up, going up against a giant like him is pretty demoralizing.” 

Hux nodded in turn.  E’Chon’s presence was a psychological weapon within itself.  Usually having a large weapon was enough to make people think twice before attacking.  There were counterexamples, most notably with the Deathstars, but hopefully those had been flukes that wouldn’t repeat themselves. 

He heard footsteps and shone a light down the hall, aiming down so he wouldn’t shine a light into the oncoming knight’s visor. He saw long robes and drew back in surprise as the knight rushed past. 

“Seigurd!?” asked Hux incredulously. 

“We entrusted you with strategy Ves…General,” said Seigurd, panting slightly as he replaced his blade, “I thought it wise to follow your judgement in this matter.” 

Kylo arched tilted his head slightly as Hux scraped the ground with his boot, marking an ‘S’, “Who are you and what have you done with Seigurd?” 

“Did the spirit continue its assault as you retreated?” asked Seigurd, ignoring his master’s question. 

Kylo shook his head, “No, but I was moving pretty fast.” 

Seigurd looked over Kylo’s much taller and muscular stature and sighed slightly, “I suppose if one doesn’t move fast enough it will continue fighting.” 

“Right,” said Kylo, “Could you sense anything coming from it?” 

“Nothing that might aid us.  It was calm, but there wasn’t a trace of regret or misgiving over its actions.  I doubt we would be able to even make it hesitate,” replied Seigurd. 

“There are barriers,” reported Hux, “If you and Kylo both used your power at the same time, how hard would it be to break one?” 

“To break one, difficult, but not impossible,” Seigurd put his hand to an opening.  After some pause he continued, “We might be able to break three, but our strength would be spent.  That estimation excludes the power we might gain from the darkness within the General.” 

“There’s five passages left,” said Hux, “We’d have a twenty percent chance of getting to Hathor on the first try.” 

“And we would likely require Mako Ren’s presence to convince him to retreat,” Seigurd agreed. 

“This power inside me, what do I have to do to make it more accessible to you?” asked Hux. 

Seigurd approached and waved a hand in front of Hux’s face, “You would have to bring it to the surface of your mind, riding on feelings of passion.  In laymen’s terms, General, it would be most beneficial if you had an emotional outburst.” 

Kylo snorted, “Good luck with that.” 

Hux turned and barely resisted the urge to shoot the knight a crude hand gesture that was common among cadets.  Seigurd shook his head, “No, no, General, you would require much more anger than that.” 

“How much anger are we talking?” asked Hux. 

“With the amount you tend to hold back, a moderate amount should suffice,” replied Seigurd, “But you must be open with it.  Allow it to flow through you naturally and make no attempt to mask or hinder it.” 

“I can do that,” said Hux.  It sounded like the simplest thing in the world. 

“You become irate, exasperated, annoyed, but I’ve yet to see you in any sort of rage,” said Seigurd, “You’re almost inhuman in how tightly you contain your feelings.” 

“I can be angry,” Hux protested. 

Kylo gave another snort.  Hux repeated, “I can!  See, I’m cross with you right now!” 

“That isn’t anger, it’s annoyance.  Be angry, General,” instructed Seigurd, “If there was ever a time when you should be angry or afraid, it is now.” 

“Why?” asked Hux. 

“Because if it is fighting them there are those of among us who have difficulty holding their own,” said Seigurd grimly. 

   ***  

Gaius wasn’t one for close up combat and he knew it.  It wasn’t because of any weight on his mind that he thought that way, like his ability with the Force.  His aim was better than his fencing, it was a simple fact.  There was also the matter of his reach.  While Mako’s memories were a treasure trove of techniques a smaller person could use against a larger one, but he couldn’t reach Mako’s mind and he hadn’t practiced those things for a long time.  Most of his experience fighting in an arena didn’t help him in a hallway like this either.  It was best for him to keep his distance. 

But outrunning tall enemies was difficult on short legs. 

He tried to keep a distance.  Pausing occasionally to fire back at the knight that chased him and found his bolts were easily blocked by the spirit’s red saber.  It was closing in fast and he didn’t have any way to stop him aside from his blaster.  It wasn’t approaching fast, as if it knew how easily it could catch him.  Gaius gritted his teeth in frustration at the thought of it. 

He turned and fired again, but the spirit continued at its even pace, slowly closing the space between them.  He tried to remember the feeling from the room with all the pressure.  Being annoyed, angry, and allowing those feelings to flow through them.  He wasn’t a slave anymore, he didn’t have to contain his feelings on someone else’s command anymore.  He was allowed to let loose.  He needed to let loose. 

Concentrating on what he was feeling, Gaius thought back on all the other times he’d been underestimated like this and it had genuinely bothered him.  Most of the time he was glad for it, because it gave him a slight advantage, but not like this.  When he was underestimated like this by a fellow Force-User it hurt.  It had happened a few times but the worst had been when he joined the knights. 

Hathor had done it, not meaning to, they hadn’t been connected yet so he couldn’t have known.  They had been in a training hall to test his skill and the other knight had been babying him as if he had never held a sword or blaster in his life.  ‘Are you sure that isn’t too heavy dear?  I can find a lighter one.  Oh dear, that one has far too much recoil for you.  Maybe you want something shorter?  But maybe we shouldn’t do this in armour, it might be too heavy for you.  Oh…maybe we shouldn’t do this at all.  Surely there’s another wa- well that was rude!  Swinging at me like that!  What on earth’s gotten into you!?” 

Gaius tried to remember that moment.  That feeling of being so angry that he had wanted to take a swing at Hathor.  It had been quickly quelled by E’Chon’s boisterous laughing and Eleo’s bored calls to get on with it, but it had been there.  He tried to remember it as he was pushed back and the knight came closer.  That feeling of being thought of as weak and it actually hurting.  It was hard.  He’d never want to hit Hathor now, he knew the knight had never meant to make him feel badly about himself, and that made it hard to concentrate, to put himself back in that moment where he was ready to actually take a swing at Hathor to make him stop patronizing him. 

He’d never hurt Hathor, but he tried to focus on that feeling, how angry and frustrated he had been.  He needed that feeling for the fuel it gave him.  Gaius stretched out a hand and concentrated, pushing the Force in and around him away from his body and towards the spirit. 

He was surprised when the spirit actually took a small step back to catch its balance. 

Gaius didn’t waste any time celebrating or standing around stupefied.  He’d bought himself an inch and he would make the absolute most of it as he made his retreat.  He heard E’Chon’s voice but knew it was fake.  He trusted that Hux wouldn’t tell him to fall back unless he thought it would help them in the long run, and he wouldn’t lie about the voices being fake. 

He turned to fire over his shoulder.  The spirit was still closing in on him.  He brought the feeling to mind again, and gave another push.  It wasn’t much, but the spirit staggered slightly, giving Gaius another chance to run again.  If the hall was a little more open he would feel better about fighting at close range if he had a bit more room, but this didn’t give him as much room as he would have liked.  He needed to manoeuver around an opponent to find weak points, he didn’t have the reach to break through the front.  All he could do was run. 

He spotted a light up ahead and ran towards it, crashing into another body and knocking it down. 

He looked down and saw that he had landed on top of General Hux, who was glaring over his shoulder.  Gaius turned and saw the spirit lingering in the hall he had just burst out of.  It was lingering, watching, its saber still hot and active in its hand.  It nodded slightly, “Excellent push, little knight.” 

Gaius arched his brow at that.  Had the spirit just…? 

“What was that about?” asked Hux. 

Gaius turned back and moved off of the General, _‘I-I’m sorry!  I was just trying to get away and I wasn’t thinking.  Can I help you up?’_

The General accepted the offer and let Gaius help haul him to his feet.  He felt himself reconnect with Seigurd and Kylo, their feelings, the sensations in their bodies, their knowledge.  It all came back and it felt so comforting not to be alone again.  He felt their concern and their confusion over the spirit’s parting comments. 

_‘When we fought I used a Force-Push.  It wasn’t very good, but I did it…I’ve never been very good at it but it was good enough to help me get away.’_

_‘And it…complimented you on it?’_

_‘I guess so.’_

_‘Did it say anything else to you, Gaius Ren?’_

_‘No, that was it, you can search my memories but it didn’t tell me anything, and I don’t think it was trying to signal me either.’_

_‘It didn’t talk to any of us except…’_

Gaius remembered the coms, just before the real voices cut out and all of the screaming started.  The spirit, the one with the same voice as the one who commented on his Force-Push had been talking to Hux.  He watched the General use his boot to scuff a ‘G’ mark into the ground and looked at the other markings.  Gaius immediately realized he was keeping track of where they had come from, trying to guess who might make it out next.  He took Hux’s hand, _‘The spirit, what did you think of it?’_

“It was…it wasn’t as bad as the last one, but it was using my first name.  It spoke softly, like I was some sort of lost child,” said Hux. 

“It may likely be because you are a Force-Null,” suggested Seigurd. 

Hux glared at the knight and Gaius could sense that he was mad at him.  Seigurd crossed his arms and explained, “Force-Nulls usually don’t come here of their own volition.  They come here by accident, to get out of the rain, because they’ve crashed and they’re looking for help.  It may well be he’s begun to feel empathy for beings like them, or a sort of guardianship, especially given how hostile the other spirits are.” 

“So how does this help us?” asked Hux, “Do you think it would come back if I was distressed?” 

“It may not assist us, but it helps us know our enemy.  It treats the General like a child, it takes the time to comment on Gaius Ren’s technique…” began Seigurd, “…It was much harsher with me.  Was it not the same with you, Master of Ren?” 

Gaius saw their memories as they reanalyzed what happened to them.  Kylo and Seigurd’s fights had been far more intense.  Kylo was strong and fast, it had been easy for him to break away and run, but occasionally he had to turn around and fight, close range, the spirit using lethal Force against him.  Seigurd was worse off.  His blade barely able to counter the lightsaber, and being less physically fit than Kylo, had a harder time breaking away and running. 

Gaius clutched Hux’s hand, _‘It’s the opposite of the others!  It’s harder on the ones who are stronger with the Force.’_

“This place is meant to be a test, to push us to our absolute limits.  However, the spirits are all individuals with their own minds, they each have their own ideas of what exactly that will entail, and which of us ought to be pushed the furthest,” concluded Seigurd, “I think this explains why we each have our turns as the target.” 

“Hathor’s strong.  It’s probably not going to go easy on him at all,” said Kylo.  He thought for a moment, and Gaius heard his whirl of thoughts.  The spirit and Hathor had something in common.  They both cared for others, especially those who they felt needed help or protection. 

 _‘It knows exactly how to get to Hathor because they have something in common.  They both want to care for people who are weaker than them.  But if Hathor can figure that out, maybe he can hold it off until we can get to him,’_ reasoned Gaius, _‘He’s gonna be okay, right?  The spirit’s strong but…Hathor’s smarter, right?”_

“There’s also the possibility that it bit off more than it could chew,” said Kylo, “Hathor’s always at his strongest when Mako’s in trouble.  Even _I_ don’t want to get in between those two if one of them’s in trouble.” 


	22. As Long As I Have You Near Me Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should just be one more chapter to this challenge after this one. They're getting a bit harder to write :P

As soon as he had heard screaming Hathor stopped thinking.  He ran without question towards the sound and saw an apparition in his path.  In a flash his Mandelorian Iron blade was in his hands as he charged towards his opponent.  He didn’t expect an easy fight, not from anything in this place, but he wasn’t prepared to be so easily knocked back, as if he and all his armour weighed nothing. 

_“Hathor!”_

He heard a voice, strangled, tortured, crying his name.  He barely recognized it as Mako’s as it cried out wordlessly.  Mako almost never used his name, preferring to use flowery terms of endearment.  The only time he used Hathor’s name was when he was too panicked or stressed to think straight.  It almost never happened.  Hathor gritted his teeth behind his mask and swung harder at the knight, their blades singing in the air and crashing as plasma kissed the Mandelorian Iron.  They locked, Hathor pushing back with all his weight and strength as the spirit held on. 

“You cannot remain like this,” said the Spirit.  The way it spoke, languid, relaxed, as if it were nothing to hold him back made Hathor’s blood boil. 

“Get out of my way!” snarled Hathor. 

“A knight must be able to function alone,” continued the spirit, “Kindness must be tempered with wisdom.” 

“Take your wisdom and shove it up your ass!” shouted Hathor pulling back enough to shift slightly and take another swing. 

The Knight raised a hand and caught his blade.  Hathor raised his other hand to push back with his own control over the Force.  He barely needed to concentrate.  There was so much anger and fear in him that he didn’t need to channel or focus it.  It came spilling out of him, so much so that he didn’t even revel in being able to push the knight back and reclaim his blade.  He took a blaster from his belt and wasted no time in firing. 

The spirit blocked his blade and deflected the plasma bolts.  It was fast, inhumanly so.  Hathor charged again.  If the spirit wouldn’t let him pass he would make it move.  He slashed at it, fired with wild abandon, anything to keep pushing it back, to let him get a little closer. 

“Mako I’m coming!” shouted Hathor, “I’m coming so hold on!” 

His blade sang in the air before it collided with the lightsaber again, failing to drown out the sound of wordless screaming.  Each one was like a stab to the heart that spurred Hathor into fighting more fiercely than he had before.  He pushed through, his blade crashing into the spirit’s armour and taking a slice from the corner.  In less pressing circumstances Hathor might have teased about the ugly, shoddy armour.  He wasn’t in any mood for it though. 

Instead he growled, “Your armour’s shit!” 

Their blades crashed again and the spirit caught Hathor’s wrist to hold the blaster’s muzzle away from its mark, “I’ve spoken with your Force-Null.” 

Hathor’s eyes widened, “What did you do to him!?” 

“I did nothing, Knight of Ren,” replied the spirit calmly. 

It was only then that Hathor noticed it, a faintly blinking light, a tone that had been drowned out by the sound of fighting.  He pulled back, just enough to put some distance between himself and the spirit.  He had forgotten about the com completely.  He never had to use one before, and when he did it was usually attached to the control board of a ship or a wall.  He touched the button the General had showed him. 

“This is Hathor, what’s happening!?” 

All he could hear was Hux gasping and groaning.  He was quiet, controlled, but clearly in pain as he tried to withstand something being done to him.  He glared up at the spirit.  It regarded him evenly, coldly, “He declined the offer to be escorted to safety.” 

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” shouted Hathor, charging the spirit once more, “LET HIM GO!” 

“He refused to leave,” said the spirit blankly. 

 _“Hathor!  Help!  I can’t-”_ Mako's voice carried through the hall, followed by a tortured shout.

“MAKO!” shouted Hathor, he swung wildly at the spirit, “I’LL KILL YOU!  YOU SON OF A BITCH!  I’LL KILL YOU!” 

The spirit pushed him back with the Force, remaining firmly in place, “Such a temper over nothing.” 

   ***  

“Right, four passages are accounted for, which means if we have enough power to break through two barriers we have a fifty-fifty chance of reaching Hathor,” reasoned Hux. 

“And we’d be too exhausted to do anything if we did find him in trouble,” said Kylo, “We need him back but we can’t just go in with blasters blazing.  Besides, those odds are too low for my liking.” 

“Unless we can tap into the vessel’s rage,” sighed Seigurd, “General, it is the most natural thing in the world.  If you are angry or frightened, allow the feeling to flow through you.  Hold nothing back.  All you have to do is let go and allow the darkness to flow out of you.” 

“I’m doing that!  I’m angry!  Look!” said Hux, waving his arms in exasperation, “I’m very angry.” 

Gaius looked up at Hux and patted him on the back, _‘It’s okay if you can’t.  Most of what I’m getting from you is concern and frustration.  It’s letting a little energy out, but you’re keeping most of it locked up.’_

“Hux was trained not to show emotion.  It would take a lot to make him go ballistic the way I do,” said Kylo. 

“Ah, yes, that thing you do where you cause thousands of credits in damages and disrupt an entire sector’s operations.  That’s exactly what’s going to solve everything,” replied Hux as he began to press his fingers into his palms and pace. 

“See, you’re holding back and masking it with sarcasm,” said Kylo, “Sometimes letting things like this out is more helpful than holding back.” 

“You think I don’t want to help!?  Every minute we waste standing around here is a minute Mako is panicking and Hathor is trying to fight that spirit!  We also haven’t seen any sign of Eleo or E’Chon!  I’m trying to do whatever it is you want me to but I can’t even tell if it’s working or not because I can’t feel what you do!  For kriff’s sake I’m sorry I can’t use the bloody Force!” shouted Hux. 

Seigurd suddenly grabbed his arm and reached out towards one of the unmarked door and panted slightly, “That will do, Vessel.”  He paused, “General.  General Vessel…” 

“Right, well, it doesn’t seem to have any interest in attacking me, I’ll go look,” said Hux. 

“No, you need a guard,” said Kylo, grabbing his shoulder, “If it changes its mind, you need a guard so you can run, and possibly to break the barrier again if that spirit decides to restore it.” 

“Whoever’s in there should be able to provide backup,” argued Hux, “You and Seigurd need to be here to break another barrier in case this isn’t Hathor’s corridor.” 

“Then take Gaius,” pressed Kylo.  With a slightly frustrated sigh he added, “For my sake?” 

“Right…let’s go,” said Hux, nodding towards the corridor and turning on his helmet light. 

 _‘Right behind you General,’_ came Gaius’ piping voice as he patted Hux’s lower back. 

Kylo shook his head as he watched them leave.  He wasn’t comfortable sending Hux out like this, even with a knight at his side and that he was nervous about him being-

_‘I’ve got him, and we’re still connected.  See if you can sense anyone.’_

_‘Right, I’ll try.’_

_‘Sonuvabitch can pack a punch!’_

_‘Eleo?’_

_‘What the…boss!?  Is that- shit!’_

Kylo hissed and grasped at his arm. 

_‘Pull back!  Eleo, pull back now!  Gaius and Hux are coming!’_

_‘Thought I could figure it out.  Pulling back now!’_

_‘Did you learn nothing from the last challenge, Eleo Ren!?’_

_‘I was fighting to save fake-you’s ass before the call came through!  Lay off!’_

_‘Just focus on getting away!  We’re coming but I can sense your arm is hurt!’_

_‘Any word from the others?’_

_‘If you can’t sense them, we haven’t made contact.’_

_‘Did priss get the message?’_

_‘We know not. We are planning out actions under the assumption that he did not.’_

Kylo could feel Eleo’s disappointment with the reply and the frustration at fighting an opponent who outmatched him.  He could feel his knight’s teeth grinding and his thoughts flying by in a flurry as he tried to figure out what tool would be best for this situation and which ones he wanted to save for future challenges.  His concern for Hathor seemed to override some of his rational thinking as he chose a new weapon from his arsenal. 

_‘Tell Red to hit the deck.’_

_‘Eleo that thing’s-’_

_‘Hit the deck!’_

Kylo felt his knight pull back, take aim and pull the trigger.  He saw a massive explosion through Eleo’s eyes and felt the fire as if he had been standing next to it.  The armour would protect him from burns, but he held his breath along with his knight to keep himself from breathing in the scalding air.  He felt Eleo turning to run. 

_‘Got him!  Grab Red and…shit!  Don’t got him!  Don’t got him!’_

Kylo saw the spirit advance through the flames only to take a blaster bolt to the face.  It stunned it, but the knight advanced.  Kylo focused on Eleo’s field of vision, _‘It has a chunk taken out of its armour!  Right side, aim for the shoulder!’_

Kylo watched three bolts plant themselves neatly in their mark with rapid succession.  Gaius had good aim but precision like that had to be…

_‘G-got him!’_

_‘Red!?’_

_‘I let him in, just thoughts so he could get information from Eleo.’_

_‘Gaius and I are providing cover, fall back as quickly as you can!’_

Kylo could feel Hux’s fear through the connection.  Worry that someone would go rooting around in his brain.  Worry that his privacy was going to be violated by this, but it was outweighed by his need for a cleaner field of vision to hit his mark. 

_‘On my way to you guys, get ready to double back!’_

_‘I see you, he’s following fast!’_

Kylo could feel Hux’s body, how tense it was as his mind was bombarded by sights, smells, sounds and sensations from four different individuals and trying to focus on his own.  He felt one eye closing, changing his depth perception to make his own sight discernable from the others.  He would move, then falter, unable to tell if he was holding still or running or backing away. 

_‘Hux, focus, you need to move back while Eleo catches up.’_

_‘I-I’m trying…I don’t know which legs are mine...sorry.’_

Kylo was about to ask what he was sorry for when he felt a pinch in his left leg. 

_‘Right, this one is mine…’_

_‘We have got to get you a better system for figuring this out.’_

_‘Our blaster fire isn’t slowing it enough.  We need a push.  Kylo and Seigurd-’_

_‘On it.’_

Stretching out his arm and feeling Seigurd do the same, they sent off a pulse of Force energy.  Knowing it was coming, Hux and the two knights hit the ground before they could be caught up in it.  As soon as the pulse passed and the spirit was knocked back they were up again and running towards the entrance. 

They bolted through the corridor and ran, Hux crashing into Kylo as the connection was severed, “I’m not sure I like doing that…” 

“You did just fine…” said Kylo wrapping an arm around him and letting his free hand hover over his lightsaber. 

As the knights panted, the spirit approached slowly.  It didn’t speak, only watching from the corridor, as if it was stalking them.  Kylo watched it through its helmet and saw its heavily damaged armour.  Eleo must have done a number on it.  It tilted its head and finally spoke, “Do not struggle.  I control this place.  The one you seek will be the last you find.  I will ensure it.” 

“Go suck an egg…” panted Eleo, waving the spirit away as he caught his breath. 

The spirit seemed to ignore him as he settled on Hux, “They care for you.  It gives them strength.  I would not risk such an asset again, Master of Ren.” 

Kylo instinctively held Hux tighter as the knight disappeared.  Hux pulled away and marked Eleo’s corridor with an ‘El.’  He looked at the other three, “We might be able to get to E’Chon next.” 

“If your luck holds out.  If that spirit decides you’re too much trouble to keep letting you go then you won’t get off lightly,” said Kylo.  He looked at Eleo. 

_‘What were you doing?  We agreed to bring Hux to decide on tactics, why didn’t you fall back when he told you to?’_

_‘As if you fall back every time he says so…’_

_‘Eleo Ren, show some decorum.’_

_‘We were worried…why didn’t you come back?’_

_‘I was studying it.  I know it got me in trouble last time but I was just trying to confirm something I saw.  As soon as I did, I was going to come straight back.  Check through my memories…’_

_‘…’_

_‘It’s armour…’_

_‘I didn’t cut that piece off.  We’re all fighting the same guy.  We take him out, he can’t get to the others.’_

_‘Yeah but…he’s a ghost, right?  I don’t think we can force him to stop.’_

_‘Cut off the arms, the legs.  If he’s not regenerating his armour why should those things come back?  Could be part of the challenge.’_

_‘I fail to see why it would be so easy…If this were the case, why would it allow us the chance to fight it with our combined power?’_

_‘But it wasn’t.  When it started it was counting on all of us fighting it one on one to get to whoever’s voice was calling…oh no…’_

_‘I’m thinking what you’re thinking and I don’t like the conclusion you’re coming to…’_

_‘It…it can’t do that!  That’s too cruel!’_

_‘It’s going to fight back, let Hathor Ren win, then let him think he was too late…’_

_“Shit, I don’t know if Hathor can handle that…”_

_“And this place is rigged so no matter what we do it will get to Hathor first.  Now it’s just…toying with us.’_

_‘No, Master of Ren, it’s letting the others watch, trying to decide which of us is next and how to entrap us best.’_

_‘…I think I hate this place.  0/10, would not recommend…’_

_‘Remain calm.  The Temple will be watching for signs of weakness, ways it can manipulate us…’_

_‘But…but that’s…it’s so horrible…’_

Gaius pressed closer to Hux, “Gaius, what are you doing?” 

 _‘Can I just…stay like this for a minute…?’_ he asked, pressing against Hux’s back. 

Hux looked up, “Kylo, what’s wrong?  What’s happened?” 

“We figured this place out, and we know what it’s going to do.  We can make it act faster, but we can’t stop what we think it’s planning,” explained Kylo, “As soon as we defeat it, we think it’s going to do something.  Make it look like we were too late to get to whoever we were trying to save.” 

The General took a moment, processing what he heard, “And if it has control over the environment…it can do that…Your assessment is correct” 

He looked at the three unmarked passages, “So help me break these.” 

“What?” asked Kylo incredulously, “Hux, didn’t you hear what I just said?” 

“I’m about to sound very cold right now, so please try not to get overly upset,” said Hux evenly, “We can’t save Hathor from this challenge, that’s a fact we need to come to terms with as soon as possible.  We do, however, have a possibility of saving Mako and E’Chon.  We have at least five more challenges, and we need as many of us to be as fit to fight as we can be.  If we proceed, we should make those two the priority and operate under the assumption that Hathor is incapacitated and there’s nothing we can do about it.” 

“Mako’s gonna hate that,” mumbled Eleo. 

“Mako isn’t here,” replied Hux, examining the three corridors, “No matter which one we choose the spirit is going to decide which one we get to.  On one hand, we can wait, preserve our strength, energy and ammunition for future challenges, but we’ll be letting the spirit proceed at its own pace in its own time and risking two more of our own falling prey to this thing.  On the other hand, we try to help the others, possibly saving them from this place as well as forcing it to accelerate it’s plans.  I don’t know about you, but when most people work fast, they work sloppy, so we might be able to lessen the blow dealt to Hathor as well.  We can’t save him from the challenge, but we might make things a little easier for him.  However, if we do that, we’re risking ourselves and using up our energy and equipment.  As far as I can surmise, that’s the situation we’re in.” 

“I’m drawn towards the latter,” said Seigurd, his robes rustling slightly as Force energy flowed around him, “It is what I feel compelled to do.” 

“Hate to sound cold, but Red has a point.  Our weapons are mostly unconventional tech that this place can use against us.  You all heard what it did to the coms.  I want to help, I do, but don’t want this place to use my weapons against Hathor,” said Eleo.  He sighed, “If we do this I won’t be able to go all out.” 

“Gaius?” Hux asked. 

 _‘I just…I want to believe that we can save all of them…I want to save Hathor,’_ Gaius argued, shivering against Hux’s back. 

“I do too…” admitted Hux, “I tried…I’m sorry to have gotten everyone into this.” 

“It isn’t your fault,” said Kylo, “We all knew the risk in coming, Hathor included.  And if anyone’s at fault for trying to hurt anyone here, it’s the Temple.” 

“So what’s your call?” asked Hux. 

“If you can get mad again, we can do this without wearing ourselves out too much.  If not, we’re still going,” replied Kylo. 

Hux nodded, looking at Seigurd and Eleo, “Make me angry or scared.” 

The two knights looked at each other for a moment.  Seigurd finally spoke up, “I looked into your mind, General.  I saw many things.” 

Hux froze and Seigurd took his hand, blasting away another barrier.  The knight looked up at Hux, “I didn’t, but I knew the thought was a great source of fear for you.” 

Hux stood paralyzed before mumbling, “Right…well…who’s up ahead here?” 

_‘You will not hinder me!  Even if you are a ghost!  Taste my blade and know your-’_

“E’Chon,” chorused the knights. 


	23. As Long As I Have You Near Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This should finish off Hathor's challenge. Three down, five to go!

E’Chon didn’t pull back despite the others reconnecting to him.  Kylo could feel the desire for battle built up in him as he tried to scan for E’Chon’s reasoning for staying behind.  He knew E’Chon had heard Hux’s warning and the call for everyone to fall back.  He sifted through his knight’s memories and caught it.  E’Chon turning, reaching for his com again to ask what was happening and hearing Hux screaming, ordering everyone to keep falling back and not to come for him.  Despite Hux’s previous warnings about the spirit figuring out the coms, E’Chon had heard trouble and instinctively fought. 

Kylo could feel his rage with the spirit.  He knew the cries he heard in the distant were fake, but didn’t think to question Hux’s voice coming through his device, even with the warning.  It was a careless mistake, but an honest one. 

_‘E’Con stop!  We have Hux, pull back!’_

_‘But…I heard him through the-’_

_‘It was a trick big guy, the spirit took the com and mimicked his voice.’_

_‘I can feel your pain…biggest brother, are you hurt!?’_

_‘It’s only exhaustion!  Are we going to attack the ghost together?’_

_‘This challenge is not about combat, E’Chon Ren.  It has nothing to do with us.  It is holding us back from its true target.’_

_‘The last two spirits tried to test us all but this one doesn’t care.  It has its target and it’s willing to toy with some of us, but it’s goal is to keep us from Hathor from as long as possible.’_

Kylo saw a plasma bolt in E’Chon’s field of vision collide with the spirit.  He felt Hux’s consciousness join theirs with all its nervousness and feeling of being overwhelmed.  He heard Hux’s thoughts focusing on E’Chon’s eyes so he could figure out where to aim while Gaius did the same. 

As soon as the bolts were deflected the spirit disappeared.  The knights stared after it for a moment before Eleo muttered, “Anyone else think that was too easy?” 

Kylo saw something in his peripheral vision, a hand reaching from the wall towards the back of Hux’s head.  He struck at it, severing the hand.  Hux heard the sound of a saber singing through the air before the thud of a dead limb hitting the ground.  He whirled around and pointed his blaster at the spirit.  The other knights did the same. 

The spirit fled, flying cross the ground like a shadow before he was at a safe distance, “If you wish to protect your vessel, you ought to send him to a safer place.  If he is precious to you, you ought to protect him.” 

“Is that a threat?” asked Kylo. 

“It is no threat, I wish to bring him somewhere safe.  In life, I too had someone precious.  She was ever at my side, on and off of the field of battle.  Her death was my end.  I lost all control, all desire to live.  It is my task to warn others of this danger,” said the spirit, “Love and concern can provide great strength, but it can also lead to-”

A powerful blast fired from the mussel of a blaster.  The spirit deflected it and retreated.  Eleo lowered his weapon, “This guy is fucking annoying…” 

_‘I can see why they sent him against Hathor…I don’t like this…please, can we hurry?  I don’t want to give it more time to hurt him!’_

“We’ll hurry,” said Kylo with a nod, “Hux, think you can work yourself up again.” 

“A ghost just tried to grab the back of my head.  I think I can manage it,” replied the General. 

He had broken off from the connection, but Kylo had picked up on another thread of thoughts.  Worry about Mako.  Regret that he couldn’t stop the challenge before it began.  Hux wondered how Mako would react to the fact that he wasn’t able to save Hathor, that his pride had stalled him from making a more tactically sound decision.  Kylo put a hand on Hux’s shoulder and tried to send what comfort he could, “Come on, let’s keep going.” 

Hux nodded and moved back toward the hub of the corridor, “Just two more to go…” 

   ***  

Mako was confused.  He heard the fake screams, he barely caught any of the General’s messages.  The only thing that he knew for certain was that nobody knew what had become of Hathor.  It made him hesitant to move either forwards or backwards.  The General wouldn’t lie about information.  If the voice he heard screaming was real, then he didn’t believe the General would give him false information.  On the other hand, the com had been taken seconds later.  How did he know that the spirit hadn’t used it sooner?  That it had been the spirit telling him to fall back to keep him from Hathor. 

For a long time he did nothing, staying in place as he tried to figure out which direction would help him accomplish what he needed to.  It all hinged on whether or not he could trust the voice that had come through the coms moments before it had turned into incoherent screaming.  He could trust Hux, he felt sure he could…

But his brother had seemed less certain. 

Mako knew of the First Order’s plans for conquest.  He knew their ruthlessness, just as every other alliance of planets or peoples was ruthless.  He sensed his brother’s apprehension, his expectation that someday, when the First Order was tired of submitting to Heian rules and abiding by Heian terms for trade agreements, the Order would betray them and subdue them.  It was not an impossibility, Mako knew that.  Their Master and the Supreme Leader of the First Order were one and the same, and they had been sent on missions of combat and conquest.  If Hux was given an order to turn the military might of the First Order against Heian, he would have to do it, and while Mako understood that orders from their Master must be followed, it gave him pause. 

Could Hux be trusted?  They were on the same side, served the same Master, but his brother seemed to think differently.  They had never been in a position where his goals and the General’s goals didn’t line up.  If they were put in a position where they disagreed, if their points of view didn’t mesh, what would the General do then? 

He wondered, what if Hathor was really in trouble?  Their connection was gone, but something wasn’t right.  Something in his gut and in the Force around him told him that something was wrong.  He heard Hathor’s voice up ahead and nobody had confirmed that Hathor had heard Hux’s warning and order to draw back.  What if he was closer to Hathor than to Hux?  The General had been with a Temple spirit, what if he had been forced at the point of a blade or put under the control of the Force to say something to draw him away from Hathor?  His instincts were screaming that something was wrong, and rallying to the General didn’t seem like the right decision.

“Forgive me, General…” Mako muttered to himself and pressed forward. 

He moved quickly, he needed to make up for lost time.  He didn’t like how narrow the hall was.  It wasn’t the worst, but it wasn’t inspiring confidence.  His armour made it worse.  At times like this he felt like it was compressing, squeezing, making it hard to see and breathe.  Mako ignored it.  He had to find Hathor, no matter what.  He couldn’t let a slight discomfort keep him from saving-

A red saber ignited up ahead.  Mako stopped and drew his blaster.  The spirit moved forward, strong, confident, looking down at him through a black visor, “Another Heian knight, I see.  It has been some time.” 

Mako spoke slowly, “Another thou sayest?  Could it be thou art my ancestral spirit?” 

The spirit paused and Mako felt the Force move about him.  It was familiar, though he had never felt it before, “From a very long time ago, it seems.” 

“If thou art my kin, then let me pass,” said Mako, his mind becoming too anxious to think of flowery words. 

“There is nothing for you beyond here,” replied the spirit. 

“Then tell me where my love is,” commanded Mako, charging his blaster. 

“He longs to see you,” said the spirit calmly. 

“Damn you, tell me where!” shouted Mako, slipping into Heian as he spoke. 

“This was not meant to be your challenge.  Another has one more daunting for you.  However, this seems to be a lesson you must learn before you can proceed,” said the spirit, “Your attachment makes you strong, but it leaves you vulnerable.  I will not make exception for you, though we share some blood.” 

“You will fall by my bolts and you will tell me where he is,” growled Mako. 

“He is crying for you,” replied the spirit. 

Mako heard the voice up ahead.  That had to be what the spirit meant.  Hux had been wrong, or perhaps it hadn’t been Hux at all.  He could hear Hathor crying out for him and opened fire on the spirit. 

   ***  

“Alright Red, think angry thoughts,” said Eleo. 

“I’m trying…I was always taught to keep calm in these situations and it’s hard to shake,” said Hux. 

“I am in your mind,” said Seigurd. 

“You can’t fool me twice with that,” muttered Hux.  He shook his head, “Try something else.  Something that will make me feel something so strong that Seigurd can break the barrier without straining himself.” 

Gaius looked out into the hall anxiously as he marked E’Chon’s passage with a ‘Ec’.  The big knight rubbed the top of his helmet reassuringly, though he seemed anxious himself.  Kylo looked down at Hux awkwardly.  Hux was going to hate this… 

“Hux,,” said Kylo firmly as he approached.  He  took the General’s hand,“Have sex with me.”

Hux turned bright red and his jaw dropped slightly.  Seigurd grabbed his hand and pushed through the door, “We’re in.  I can sense Mako Ren already, but he is far ahead.” 

Hux pulled back slightly, “Kylo…th-that was good thinking.  I shouldn’t have underestimated you.” 

_‘I want to get ahead too but…Kylo, was that really okay?'_

_‘I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, let’s save Mako, I’m an idiot…’_

_‘I am confused, it was not to inspire our soft-handed General to release his Dark miasma!?’_

_‘I’m sensing a yes and no…Boss that has to be the worst almost-fake proposition ever.’_

_‘We’ll worry about that later, just focus!’_

_‘He will be most angered with you when this is finished, Master of Ren…and I nearly asphyxiated him.’_

_‘Not helping Seigurd!’_

***  

Mako heard his brother’s thoughts and immediately felt like a fool.  It had been Hux on the com.  If he had turned back, he could have wasted less time.  He backed away from the spirit, “You lied to me.” 

“I said nothing that was false, Knight of Ren,” replied the spirit calmly, “It seems your feelings have clouded your mind.” 

Mako drew back, “What have you done to Hathor Ren?” 

“I haven’t lied to him, I haven’t killed him.  I spoke to him, my companions made their noises.  All that has befallen him, he has done to himself,” said the spirit, “One’s own mind can be one’s own worst enemy.  It sees disasters where there are none and overrides all reason.  You should know this full well...” 

“Monster…” Mako growled.

“Perhaps.  Though I fail to see why you waste your time with me.  Your vessel is coming, he’s competent in battle and cares more deeply than he knows.  You ought to take better care of him,” said the spirit, “I had a companion like him once.  It was folly to let her take the field.” 

Mako lowered his weapon as a history lesson, one he thought long forgotten, sprang to his mind.  A knight from long ago who had spent his time between missions training his daughter in battle arts.  Their bond was strong, and despite being blind to the Force proved herself invaluable to her father.  Until one day when their good fortunes turned and the daughter was slain.  Her father, overwhelmed with grief, made no move to defend himself when his enemies came for him as well. 

“This does not make painful memory mend,” said Mako lowly as he replaced his blaster, “And does not train the heart to stay its grief.” 

The spirit cocked his head, “Perhaps…but you weren’t my student in this, were you?” 

“Mako!” called Kylo. 

He turned and saw his master approach with the others.  Glancing at the vessel he called, “General, I apologize for my doubts.  I should not have questioned the fortitude of thy mind.” 

The General’s eyes widened behind the clear visor of his helmet.  He shook his head, “No I should have-”

“Rescue my love now, feel guilt anon?” suggested Mako. 

“Anon sounds good,” replied the General, nodding and heading back down the corridor, “Only one hall left.  He has to be there.” 

   ***  

Hathor suddenly caught sight of the knight’s severed left hand.  Had he done that?  He hadn’t noticed if he did.  He was focused on the moment, the fight, looking for any way to overpower his opponent, the one thing separating him from Mako.  He heard the General’s voice through the com attached to his collar.  His cries and pleading was growing weaker as well.  They were hurt, they could be dying and this damned spirit wouldn’t move. 

“Get out of my way!” shouted Hathor, but his voice was coming out scratchy and hoarse.  He could feel his strength starting to fade.  He had been fighting, hacking and slashing, only backing away to shoot when he thought it would do any good.  His arms felt like they were turning to liquid, and yet his opponent wouldn’t counter.  It would step forward, spread its body wide and block the way ahead. 

“Let me pass!” shouted Hathor, “They’re dying!  Let me pass!” 

“Think on your mission.  Is this the way to complete it?” asked the knight bluntly. 

“I’m not going anywhere without them!” countered Hathor, bringing his blade down again. 

The General’s voice suddenly became quiet.  Hathor heard something hit the comlink attached to the other man’s clothes.  He couldn’t hear any noise at all coming from it.  He pulled back and shouted into it, “General!  General are you still there!?  Can you hear me!?” 

Nothing. 

Hathor felt his hands go numb.  He had already thought he lost everyone before.  Was this real?  Was it really happening.  He repeated more quietly, “General?” 

He listened he couldn’t hear anything.  He called up ahead, “MAKO!?” 

Nothing. 

The shout he let out was feral, barely human.  His body moved by itself.  First he emptied all of the plasma charges in his blaster.  None of them hit their mark.  The spirit deflected them.  One of the deflected blasts caught Hathor between plates in his armour, burning his side.  He discarded the blaster when it was empty, surging forward with his blade.  He swung, over and over, barely aware of where he was aiming.  The knight countered him all too easily.  Over and over he felt himself being pushed back and pummeled by the hilt of the blade or kicked in the legs.  He swung again and was repelled, a heavy foot crashed into his thigh and sent him falling towards the ground. 

He felt his knees buckling under him.  Had he lost them?  Was this real?  He didn’t want it to be real.  It didn’t feel real.  More than when his gods proved to be nothing but burning gas out in space, this didn’t feel real.  He didn’t want it to be true.  He clasped a hand over his helm, unable to get at the tears underneath it that streamed stinging and hot down his face.  They couldn’t be gone, but he couldn’t hear them, he couldn’t feel them.  He hadn’t been able to do anything for them. 

He didn’t even feel himself fall.  He heard his armour crash against the stone floor and prayed that his senses were lying to him. 

“You can’t even stand…” said the spirit, sounding pitying, “If you can’t walk on your own, how can you be a knight?” 

Hathor had no response.  He tried to wrap his mind around it.  Mako was gone?  How?  Why hadn’t he been stronger?  Faster?  They hadn’t said goodbye.  They was their fall through the dark going to be his last memory of him?  This was the end of it all? 

“You can’t fight anymore, not like this,” said the knight quietly, “You poor thing…” 

He barely registered the knight stepping forward.  He heard the saber whirring in the air as it leveled itself close to his face.  The spirit drew it back as it continued, “So this has broken you…I will make your end quick.  I’ve no desire to prolong your pain or let you live in nothing but agony.” 

His mind was reeling.  All of his thoughts were on Mako, their first meeting, the first time they really started to notice each other, long nights together, his habit of touching his lips affectionately, the way he smelled, and he tried to quantify all of that being gone.  He had been with Mako so long, he had been such a central part of his life, his first thought when he woke and his last before he slept.  He couldn’t imagine his life without Mako.  And The General…just when he was becoming comfortable with his feelings and was moving forward with Kylo, was he really gone too?  Both of them gone.  How was he supposed to move on from all this loss? 

Instinctively he raised his blade above his head.  The lightsaber collided with it just above his head.  It hurt, everything hurt, as if pain was the only thing he was ever going to feel for the rest of his life.  The lightsaber pulled back and fell again, and Hathor’s body moved on its own to block it.  He looked up at the knight, gritting his teeth and forcing himself to move onto one knee into a stronger stance. 

The knight cocked its head, “I see your thoughts.  You think you’ve nothing left to live for.  Why not end your pain?” 

Hathor really didn’t have an answer.  He felt like dying, and a part of his heart and mind felt like it would be a good idea.  Sleep forever, be free from the pain and loss, feel nothing.  But another part of him refused to stop, refused to let go and let it all end.  It hurt, but his body kept moving despite his mind being nothing but a numb echo, trying to process what had just happened.  On pure instinct he refused to die and his mind was in such a fog that he couldn’t even tell himself why he wanted to live. 

Then he thought of Mako. 

Mako wouldn’t want him to die.  Even if they could both become spirits themselves and be together forever, Mako wouldn’t want him to give up.  Not like this.  Mako wouldn’t want to be the reason he chose death over life.  The General probably wouldn’t forgive him if he gave up.  And the Knights…what sort of Knight of Ren would he be if he stopped?  The others might still be alive, were probably still alive.  With Mako and the General gone they would need him.  And if they were gone…the Knights of Ren couldn’t end here.  He couldn’t be the last.  If they were all gone there would have to be more knights, another generation, and they would need all the guidance they could get. 

It wasn’t the reason he wanted to live, but it was a reason.  His heart felt like it would never be whole again as irreplaceable memories played over and over in his mind.  He would never have that again.  Even if he could find it in himself to love again, there would never be anyone like Mako, and he doubted he would ever feel anything so perfect again.  Part of him felt dead now, and there was nothing he could do to bring it back, but it wasn’t the end.  He refused to let it be the end. 

He rose to his feet and extended his hand.  He pushed the spirit back and advanced slowly, “Do you feel it?” 

He pushed the knight back again, and then down, pinning it like Gaius had been pinned in the pressure chamber.  The moved forward, his feet inches from the spirit’s mask, “This is how deep my loss is.  And this…” 

He pushed down harder, the armour on the knight starting to buckle.  Hathor listened to it pop and crackle like a dry fire in the summer, “This is my hate.” 

The armour buckled further and Hathor pushed down as much as he could, “Does it hurt?  It will never match the pain I feel.  But I hope it hurts.  I want a small fraction of my pain to be the last thing you feel.” 

The spirit’s voice came out strained and broken, “You…pass…Knight of Ren…” 

The armour finally gave way, flat against the floor.  Hathor looked down at it and recognized Heian patterns in its armour.  So it was a knight from Heian.  Mako often told him that his family had supplied the Order of Ren with knights for centuries.  That his bloodline was strong with the Force… 

And now that was over, he was gone.  Hathor sank to his knees again, letting his fingers trail over the armour, sensing no life or energy coming from it.  Either it was gone for good now or it had gone away.  Hathor couldn’t bring himself to care either way. 

“Hathor?” 

He glared at the armour, “Haven’t you finished with me yet?” 

“All is well, open thy mind…” 

“No, for the gods’ sakes no…I’m finished with you.  You said I pass now leave me alone.” 

He felt a pair of arms around him and cried out, “You’ve done this to me twice!  I can’t take anymore!” 

A familiar energy started to move through him.  It had been a long time since he had seen Atem, but the heat and harsh environment was still a part of who he was and how he saw the world.  Just like The General saw…had seen sunshine as the ultimate form of comfort, Hathor thought cool weather and colour were the most calming, the most beautiful. 

He didn’t see it, but he felt it.  Pink, lots of pink, raining down from the trees and falling soft against his skin and hair.  The serenity of a reflecting pool with elegantly finned fish making rounds in a slow and steady pattern.  A feeling of new life springing up all around him, a feeling of tranquility after all that grief.  A single point of calmness that he thought he might never feel again. 

“Are you real?” Hathor asked quietly. 

_‘No cherry blossoms bright as Heian stars,_

_Forger’s tools on singing steel are distant thoughts._

_My blood and land lies o’er a system far,_

_And Cicadas as well cannot be caught._

_I miss them well for long have they been dear,_

_Now replaced by unfamiliar visions._

_A balanced place with a spirit clear,_

_Bartered hence for battle and for missions._

_But as I go I will not weep again._

_I think on this and know that all will mend._

_That with my dearest Hathor I do roam._

_I need not Heian now, for he is my home.’_

It had been Mako’s first sonnet, carefully rewritten and revised as he tried to get used to using a foreign style of poetry.  Hathor recognized it immediately and turned to grip the other knight tightly, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore…twice…I feel like I lost you twice…” 

Mako said nothing as he held him tight. 

Eleo kicked at the flattened armour, “Holy shit Priss, remind me not to mess with you on a bad day…” 

He added mentally, _‘You okay?’_

_‘I…I don’t know…I don’t know…’_

Gaius approached and cautiously put a hand on his shoulder, _‘Can you stand up?’_

_‘Everything feels like rubber…’_

Eleo looked over Hathor’s discarded blaster, “You’re out of plasma.  I’m sure we’ve got some extra cartridges on us…” 

“I…I don’t think I can move for a while,” said Hathor quietly. 

He felt Seigurd put a hand on his other shoulder, “Sore muscles can be mended, and while we can do what we can for your spirit, you are the final judge as to whether it can be restored or not.” 

He felt something cool shoot through him.  Seigurd had always reminded him of something cool and sharp, and though he usually didn’t like those things, for some reason Seigurd never bothered him.  He reached for Gaius’ hand and squeezed it as he felt some feeling return to his limbs. 

“We can help you walk for a while,” said Kylo, approaching cautiously, “Or perhaps we should wait.”  

“No, don’t give it any more time,” said Hathor quickly, “They’re getting smarter, more brutal.  We can’t keep giving them information and opportunities.” 

“They I shall help with the carrying,” said E’Chon, quiet for once. 

“Where’s the General?” asked Hathor.  He clung to Mako tighter, “Don’t tell me they…” 

“I’m fine,” replied the redhead, from somewhere farther back, “I’m sorry…I couldn’t prevent this…” 

“How could you have?” asked Hathor, relieved to hear his voice and know he was unharmed. 

“It…I tried to reach you with the coms.  The spirit offered to let me speak to you if I left with it…” said Hux quietly. 

“I don’t think it would have given it to you,” said Eleo.  Hathor felt the other knight sift through his memories, “It doesn’t…it didn’t lie to us, but it didn’t tell us the straight-up truth either.  If it was gunning for Hathor from the start, it might have done something like let you say you were going, then let that other spirit take over.” 

“But…” Hux began, then relented, “If you say so…” 

 _‘I don’t want us to be split up again, I don’t know if I could stand it…’_ piped Gaius. 

“Try not to think those things…it’s listening,” warned Seigurd. 

“Are you sure you’re alright to move?” asked Kylo. 

“Yes, let’s go…I don’t want to stay in this place any longer than I have to,” said Hathor. 

“Mako…you have to let him go.  Let E’Chon take him for a while,” said Kylo calmly. 

“To feel him with my own arms is a far more pleasant thing,” replied Mako. 

“I know, but E’Chon needs to carry him for a little while,” said Kylo, “He’ll be here the whole time, you’ll be able to feel him.” 

_‘I’ll be right here love…’_

_‘I know, and yet…’_

_‘It’ll be fine…say my sonnet again for me?  For as long as you can.’_

_‘For as long as I have thoughts in my mind to convey, they are yours to command.’_


	24. We Do What We Must Because We Can Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...some may have noticed that I haven't answered any comments in like, a week. It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I've been busy. I got a copy of the newest Pokémon game and I haven't even had a chance to play it. I was lucky enough that I managed to fill most of my writing quota for the week though. I will get to the comments when I get a chance though, it just might not be until I can catch a break.

Hux still couldn’t shake his guilty conscience.  A few words, a little less arrogance, and the knights might have been spared two tasks.  Eleo had a theory that the Temple would not have spared Hathor, but every time he glanced back and saw the knight resting on E’Chon’s back while the big knight carried him, Hux couldn’t help but think his own actions had contributed to Hathor’s current state. 

He felt Gaius Ren’s hand slip into his, _‘How long do you think this hallway goes on for?’_

“I don’t know,” replied Hux, “I don’t suspect this is a challenge, unless one of us has a weakness against long walks?” 

“Can’t say I like them.  I’ve got some problems with the nails on my feet sometimes and that can make things a pain,” admitted Eleo, “But I’m fine today.”  

That was right.  In the ridiculous profiles Kylo had made for him before he met the knights, it said something about Eleo Ren frequently suffering from ingrown nails. 

“Not the most romantic walk we’ve had, love…” mumbled Hathor, “This scenery kills the mood…” 

“Aye, and our E’Chon makes a daunting chaperone,” agreed Mako. 

“When we get out of this, I say we have a long, hot bath, a good night’s rest and a decent break between missions,” sighed Kylo. 

Hux glanced at the other knights.  They could all probably feel Hathor’s exhaustion and were helping him to handle it.  If Hux recalled correctly, sometimes it was hard to separate one knights’ emotions from others, meaning that Hathor’s fatigue might be having an effect on the rest of the group.  Hux dug through one of his pouches and pulled out a ration bar. 

Turning slightly he held it up, “It tastes awful, but it might help you get your strength back.  Would you like it?” 

Hathor looked up slightly, “How awful?” 

“Let’s just say it’s this is to a decent meal what the pink hand-soap is to your regimen,” said Hux. 

Hathor snorted slightly, “That _is_ awful.  Pass it here, and thanks for warning all of us.” 

   ***  

_‘I knew he carried snacks.  And here you all thought that was an unreasonable assumption!’_

_‘Snacks, no, apple tarts, yes.’_

_‘Did nobody else think about bringing food?  I got nervous and forgot…’_

_‘It did indeed slip my mind.’_

_‘The second challenge took a few hours…what if it’s trying to starve us out?’_

_‘I doubt it would be so underhanded, Gaius Ren.  This place is meant to test us first and foremost.’_

_‘Perhaps a test of our preparedness?  We’d make sorry knights indeed if all was left to our claret flower.’_

_‘Okay, let’s pretend he’s right.  Which of us is always the least prepared.’_

**_‘E’Chon.’_ **

_‘I am always prepared for battle!’_

_‘E’Chon, sweetie, battle is the only thing you’re prepared…Oh my gods this is foul!’_

_‘Ugh…’_

_‘Oh, that is nasty!  Spit it out Hathor!’_

_‘I have felt darkness unimaginable and yet that is the foulest thing to cross my senses…’_

_‘It’s probably the only thing I’m going to get to eat for the next few hours!  Sorry…I need to choke it down…bleh…it’s so gross…’_

_‘We must make haste to victory, lest we all partake in the rose of war’s lethal repast…’_

*** 

Hux glanced at Gaius, “Everyone’s gone quiet…was it that bad?” 

 _‘It was…it wasn’t the worst thing ever,’_ replied the small knight, obviously trying to be diplomatic. 

“I feel like I got a mouthful of Bantha anus!” snapped Eleo. 

“I do not believe it was so awful!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

“Are you serious!?” countered Eleo. 

“Indeed…and how exactly do you know the taste of a Bantha’s anus!?” inquired the large knight. 

“It was a hypothetical ass on a hypothetical Bantha, big guy,” muttered E’Chon. 

“But in all seriousness, those are awful.  Is that how they weed out the new recruits?” asked Kylo, occasionally sticking his tongue out as if in might relieve what he was tasting through Hathor’s mouth. 

“No, there are better ways of doing that.  It’s just easier to make a ration that has all the calories a grown person needs with all the vitamins without adding artificial flavours.  It also ensures the rations don’t have any allergens in them,” explained Hux. 

Hathor choked down the last of the bar and made a face, “I needed that, but I hate that I needed that…your organization needs better soap and better food…” 

“We’re not exactly in the business of hospitality, but I can look into it,” said Hux, “How are your legs?” 

The knight sighed, “Shaking, I can feel them again, and I really overdid it with the Force.  I’m going to need a little while before I’ll be of much use.” 

 _‘You’ve got more plasma now though.  You perch on E’Chon’s shoulders and shoot from there,’_ suggested Gaius. 

“How undignified…” mumbled Hathor. 

 _‘B-but that’s what I do!’_ Gaius’ thoughts called out in shock. 

“No, no honey, it’s about aesthetics.  You’re small, so it works.  I’m taller, so it just looks awkward when I do it,” explained Hathor. 

“Ugh, who cares how it looks!” exclaimed Eleo, “We’re trying to kill stuff, not win a medal for arts and crafts!” 

Hux let out a huff of laughter through his nose when suddenly the knights paused.  They didn’t move for a few moments, prompting Hux to glance about and draw his blaster.  He moved towards Kylo, “Are you all sensing something I can’t see?” 

“Does this hall feel narrower to you?” asked Kylo. 

Hux tried to remember.  They had been able to walk alongside each other comfortably in the beginning.  He had been beside Gaius, and since the small knight usually held his hand so they could communicate, he hadn’t thought it unusual for him to press in closer.  Looking back though he could see it.  Mako had been able to walk beside E’Chon before and now he couldn’t.  The hall wasn’t wide enough for him to be alongside the big knight.  It was slowly but surely becoming much narrower. 

Hathor lifted his head and looked down at Mako.  All of the knights must have stopped when they felt his fear spike as Mako figured out what was happening. 

“Would it be worth it to double back and try another corridor?” Hux mumbled. 

“None of us think so,” replied Kylo, “This place is basically supposed to test us and push us to our breaking points.  It’s not supposed to be easy.” 

Hux scowled, “Say what you will about First Order training, at least it isn’t _this_ personalized.” 

“What do you mean?” asked Kylo. 

“Some things are a little like this.  Enemy units in simulation training might be altered to look like…” Hux cut himself off, “Never mind.  Please forget I said that.  We have bigger problems right now.” 

“…maybe you can tell me later?” asked Kylo. 

“I’m trying to estimate how wide the passage was when we started.  It we have that, the distance we walked and the width and height of the passage now we can figure out approximately at what rate the hall is going to become more narrow,” said Hux, ignoring the question and hoping Kylo would as well. 

 _‘Let’s just take our time.  It won’t be so bad if we take it nice and slow,’_ added Gaius. 

“T’would be a goodly thing indeed,” agreed Mako. 

“Hold,” said Seigurd suddenly, raising a hand.  He furrowed his brow, “I sense something…no, there’s more than one…”  He looked at Kylo, “Do you feel it Master of Ren?” 

Kylo looked at Hux in turn, “We’re about to be rushed from behind!” 

“Can you take Hathor?” Hux asked him, “Are you strong enough?” 

“I am,” said Kylo. 

“I can try to move on my own!” protested Hathor. 

“We don’t have time to argue right now, Priss,” said Eleo. 

“Gaius, you’re with E’Chon,” said Hux.  He looked up at the big knight, “How do you feel about being a human-stopper?” 

“You plan to plug the gap with E’Chon Ren?” asked Seigurd. 

“I approve of this plan!” said E’Chon, drawing his club-like blade, “At last we will do battle!” 

“We need to go slowly.  If we can keep them held back and let Mako set the pace we should be able to get through this better than if we run,” said Hux, “Hathor’s out of commission for the moment, so let’s try not to lose anyone else.” 

“It may not be so simple,” replied Seigurd gravely. 

“Why?” asked Hux, “How many are coming?” 

The knight grabbed him by the wrist and projected a thought into his mind.  The only thing Hux could liken the experience to was looking at thermal signatures through a pair of infrared goggles.  He wasn’t seeing exactly, but he was perceiving multiple signatures coming towards them fast.  At first it was only one, then three, then half a dozen, then within seconds he could feel an entire horde rushing towards them. 

Seigurd pulled away and regarded him seriously, “That many, General.” 

Hux let out a long sigh through his nose, “We’ll hold them as long as we can.” 

Mako was looking back from where they had come.  They were beginning to hear sounds now.  He looked down the hallway, only for a moment before looking at the others, “I cannot endanger you.” 

“And we can’t drag you down that hall.  We know what it would do to you,” said Kylo, supporting Hathor with one arm as the other knight staggered beside him. 

“Let us worry about the rest love,” said Hathor with as much of a smile as he could manage, “Go at your own pace.  We’ll give you as much room as we can.” 

Mako nodded and took a deep breath before he started walking, leading the way down the hall.  Hux looked over at Kylo, “You should go with him for now.  I’ll help the others hold them off.” 

“You’ll stay safe?” asked Kylo. 

“We won’t do anything stupid,” promised Hux, “We’ll buy as much time as we can.  Like I said, we can’t afford to lose anyone else.” 

Kylo nodded, “Careful, Hux.” 

The General snorted slightly, “I believe that’s what I’m supposed to say to you.” 

He turned back and looked at the other knights, “Alright, E’Chon will be at the front.  Eleo, Gaius and I will provide as much cover as we reasonably can.  We still need a reserve of plasma for the next few challenges.  Seigurd, I want you in reserve.  If all else fails, can you push them back with the Force?” 

“I can,” replied the knight. 

“For how long?” asked Hux. 

“Reasonably, I can use continuous Force-pushes for eight, ten minutes perhaps, with my own power.  If you could manage to release your energy again, I could last a little longer,” said Seigurd. 

“Alright.  And I want you all to understand that the goal isn’t to hold this position.  We will be falling back incrementally and trusting that Mako is making progress in moving forwards.  The goal is survival for everyone, so I don’t want to see any unnecessary risks,” said Hux, “Does everyone understand?” 

“Let them break themselves upon my blade!” shouted E’Chon with a hearty laugh. 

“I’m going to pretend that was a ‘Yes, Sir,’” mumbled Hux, aiming his blaster down the hall. 

_‘We can do this.  I’m sure we can give him enough time.’_

“Us lookin’ out for the Priss and the Princeling.  Just like old times, isn’t it Old Man?” said Eleo with a slight laugh. 

“For the love of all that’s dark, I’m only older by a standard week!” 

   ***

Mako looked ahead into the dark.  Once he had noticed the fact that the hall was becoming narrower and narrower it was impossible to ignore.  He wanted to turn back, head for somewhere more open.  Before his claustrophobia had been bad, but this was worse, far worse.  His mind had begun to play tricks on him, imagining the hall was going to get narrower much quicker than it really was. 

“We need to move.” 

He looked back at the Master of Ren, supporting Hathor.  They did need to move.  The others wouldn’t be able to hold back their enemies for long, and when they broke through they would be forced to run, if they weren’t captured or killed.  On top of that, if they broke through, as powerful as Kylo was, he wouldn’t be able to hold them by himself, and Hathor was still in no shape to fight.  If they didn’t move, they would be routed.  The only thing standing between them and a possible safe escape was his own ability to move into a small space. 

He began to walk at a cautious pace and couldn’t help recalling his training.  He had been a promising student, as his teachers had said, when he first began.  His technique with a sword was flawless, he was just as able with a bow, spear and short-sword.  He had been told that with his natural ability he could be a great fighter, and when his Force sensitivity manifested itself, the path ahead of him became obvious.  He would become a Knight of Ren, as many of his ancestors had done before him, though they had requested to be posted to Heian as often and for as long as possible. 

And then it had happened.  He received his first set of armour and found he couldn’t see.  His limbs were heavier under the weight of the plates.  He couldn’t move as quickly.  He felt restrained, weighed down, and his breath was hot and heavy behind the mask.  He had to relearn all of his techniques now that he was slow and his vision was cut off.  Then the sparing began.  The tightness, the restriction, and then someone baring down on him mercilessly had been terrifying.  He recalled falling, ripping off the mask, panicking as he tore at the armour. 

It was in contrast to everything he was supposed to become.  He was meant to be a warrior, descended from a long line of warlords, and yet just being in armour was enough to unnerve him.  He recalled how ashamed of himself he was and how much time he had spent trying to force himself to adapt to it.  In the end he had managed it, but from time to time it would become too much to handle.  He found he was best at keeping a distance, using his bow instead of a blade.  He never really achieved the levels of prowess his teachers had thought he might, at least not while he was on Heian, but he had thought that he had become strong enough. 

But not in the way his family had wanted. 

Ryunosuke said nothing, and out of kindness Hirotomo never commented on it as well.  As Mako became more in tune with the Force he had discovered that both of his brothers had decided to spare his feelings and not speak of it.  He could hear the thoughts of others though.  That it was such a shame.  That they had thought he might even surpass his older brother in sword arts.  That it seemed like he would have such an illustrious career ahead of him.  It was so shameful that he, a member of his clan, one who was bound to become a Knight of Ren, preferred to use a coward’s weapon.  Did he even begin to realize how much he shamed himself, his family and his home planet? 

He couldn’t wait to join the Knights of Ren.  He couldn’t wait to leave the voices and their judgement behind.  At first, and he would admit it, he had been running away from home.  He had gotten sick of it and just wanted to run away, and the Knights of Ren provided him with an honourable means to do so.  He Had known next to nothing about the world beyond his own borders, but nothing could have prepared him for everything he would witness and have to adapt to. 

It had been overwhelming, he’d been homesick, and there were times when he had wondered what could have possessed him to leave behind all of the comforts of his own planet.  But there was good too.  His brothers, new forms of poetry he had never heard of before…

…Hathor. 

All the while his armour had always plagued him.  Usually he was able to wander off, find a peaceful place to read, to become comfortable with his armour.  One with it, not fighting to break free from it.  But on small ships and on missions, he had to push himself through it.  He had his brothers to support him during these times of weakness, but now he wasn’t sure if they could give him the time that he wanted. 

He had to press on for their sakes though.  If they tried to hold them back while he toddled forward, it would turn into a route.  Mako realized that they might have to rush him to save themselves, and that to prevent that he would have to move.  He didn’t want to force that choice on them, and realized if they had to make that choice he couldn’t fault them.  He couldn’t be angry with them for choosing to put their lives ahead of his fear and discomfort.  Still, he dreaded it, and he hoped that it wouldn’t come to that. 

He paused as he felt E’Chon bring his blade down on a…creature.  Looking through Gaius’ eyes, he could see them.  Grey creatures with dark eyes and pointed yellow teeth.  They were awful to look at and worse to smell.  Gaius, Eleo and the General were firing at them, trusting E’Chon to take on any that broke through.  They were holding strong, but they could not hold on forever.  Feeling the excitement of the other knights during the battle, he managed to move forward at a faster pace.  He could feel their desire to move and Mako acted on their desire to move back. 

Looking ahead he couldn’t tell how narrow the hall was going to get, and it worried him.  What would the chamber do?  Would it force him onto his belly?  Force him to crawl through a miniscule passage as it squeezed in tighter and tighter around him?  He cringed at the thought and nearly stopped. 

“Mako…I can walk at least.  I can walk with you,” offered Hathor. 

Mako shook his head.  It would be too much, too tight.  There wouldn’t be enough room.  He wouldn’t be able to brea- 

“It’s alright…what would help?  Tell me what I can do,” said Hathor. 

Mako pursed his lips before saying, “Stay your distance love.” 

_‘My mind would turn to fear should you come too close.’_

_‘I…I know.  I can feel it, but you can feel my thoughts and feelings too, how much I want to help you through this.’_

_‘Your thoughts become my own and prove hard to ignore.  Yet I beg you understand…’_

_‘We do, don’t worry, just do as much as you can for now and we’ll try to make sure you have enough space to keep going.’_

_‘Yet if I tarry long.’_

_‘We’ll deal with that if and when it comes to that.  For now, let the others fight.’_

_‘Yeah poetry-brain, just like when it was the four of us.  I was always covering for your skinny asses!’_

_‘Bwahaha!  See how they fall before me!  Taste my blade, foul creatures!  Look upon our might and know your betters!’_

_‘We’ve got this!  And we’ve got Seigurd to cover us if things go bad, just do what you can!’_

_‘The darkness is at out command.  Keep going as much as you can.  We will do what we must to succeed in this.’_

Mako nodded and kept moving forward.  Slowly, but surely.  He noticed how much the ceiling had lowered since they had begun, and knew that he would not be able to comfortably walk alongside someone with the halls becoming as narrow as they were.  Soon it would be tighter.  It might just continue to become tighter until his mind shattered.  If there was a spirit tasked with monitoring and orchestrating his challenge, it had not spoken to him, and it offered no hints. 

It felt like he was walking cautiously into his imminent grave. 

_‘Analysis:  Subject is using hyperbole.  Conclusion:  Subject is illogical.’_


	25. We Do What We Must Because We Can Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo~~ So, I wound up not taking that hiatus after all. I found an eyepatch and muscled through instead! :P I know I really ought to take a break, but I can't help it. I hate to disappoint, and comments and kudos help me make it through my week (even if I don't have the time to answer them between work, holidays, health and moving.) 
> 
> Also (because I'm just that much of a masochist, apparently) I'm planning an Anorbomb! What's an Anorbomb? Basically it's when I hit A03 with everything I've got, meaning all WIPs and multichapter fics get an update, and new oneshots. I hope to have it done by Christmas, but I might have to settle for New Years.

_‘Who are you?’_

_‘My designation?  Irrelevant.  Currently administrating test upon the subject.  Duration of test is unknown.’_

_‘What are you-?’_

_‘Requesting that the subject regulate heart rate, breathing and perspiration.  Connection between subjects will remain intact.  Interference unlikely.  All subjects excluding Force-Null are capable of receiving instruction.  Four are not currently giving attention to connection.  Subjects and Force-Null are currently engaged.’_

_‘So you’re the spirit in charge of this challenge?’_

_‘Master of Ren identified. Connection between subjects optimal and satisfactory.  Subjects’ connection among the most powerful to have been sensed to date.  Subjects capable of resistance without connection.  No need to sever connection.  Force-Null provides-.’_

_‘Don’t you dare-!’_

_‘Force-Null will not be harmed by variables.  Safety of subjects dependent on main subject.  Subjects will proceed down the hall.  Hypothesis:  Mako Ren will break.  Sever anxiety and claustrophobia will overcome him.  Evidence:  Mako Ren is incapable of confronting stimuli without assistance.  Conclusion:  Mako Ren is inadequate.’_

_‘Why don’t you come out and fight like the master you’re supposed to be?’_

_‘Hathor Ren identified.  Subject is not to be confronted.  Subject attempted to permanently terminate previous proctor.  Analysis:  Hathor Ren is not to be unnecessarily provoked.’_

_‘Why don’t you come out and test me up close and personal?’_

_‘Disinterested in proposition.  Test is designed for subject Mako Ren.  Analysis:  Mako Ren displays high levels of anxiety and inability to act when exposed to distressing stimuli.  Results:  Distress and anguish on the part of relations.  Colloquialism:  He dishonours them with behaviours and general inadequacies.’_

_‘Come out and fight you disgusting-!’_

_‘Brother of my heart, you make your thoughts too warlike!’_

_‘Connection established through Mako Ren.  Subjects’ communications will be relayed through Mako Ren’s mind.  Subjects’ communications may cause harm if thoughts are too violent.  Conclusion:  Action inadvisable.  Prediction:  Subjects will cause serious harm to Mako Ren if current levels of hostility continue.  Continued actions will cause pain and anxiety.’_

_‘I’ll give you neither ear nor thought.’_

_‘Acceptable.  Observation:  This subject has served subject well in the past.  Further Observation:  Subject was rendered incapable of ignoring negativity when Force-Sensitivity manifested.  Conclusion:  Subject cannot ignore proctor.  Analysis:  Subject is incapable of removing proctor from mind.  Subject will be forced to listen to proctor.  Instructions and observation will continue as test progresses.’_

_‘So you expect us all to just stand by and listen to you berate him?’_

_‘Berate?  Definition processing.  Definition inapplicable.  Proctor does not insult.  Proctor relays analysis and observation to subjects.  Sensing hostility.  Subjects wish to commence assuault on proctor.  Analysis:  Subjects cannot handle observations.  Incapable of accepting analysis and criticism.  High levels of anxiety detected.  Force-Null is extremely vulnerable to mental assault.  Levels of Defence: None.  Force-Null is not the proctor’s subject.  Subjects use designation ‘target.’  Mako Ren is this proctor’s ‘target.’  Advisable action:  Subjects attempt to provide emotional support.  Increasing levels of assault on Subjects and Force-Null.’_

_‘We can try to help you get him out of your head, love.’_

_‘Nay…the halls already press in tight.  Should all my brothers make my mind a battleground…’_

_‘Observation:  Mako Ren requires high levels of emotional support.  Conclusion:  Mako Ren is unfit for knighthood.  Subject Gaius Ren endures pressurized environment without connection.  Subject successful.  Subject Seigurd Ren subjected to pleasing stimuli without connection including dark energy and Force-Null.  Subject successful.  Subject Hathor Ren subjected to emotionally draining stimuli without connection.  Subject successful.  Subject Mako Ren subjected to fear inducing stimuli with connection.  Subject displays crippling levels of fear and anxiety.  Colloquialism:  Pathetic.  Mako Ren is ‘pathetic.’’_

Mako shuddered as he moved forward.  He couldn’t even deny that it was pathetic.  Compared to the others his challenge was so simple.  Walk forward at a steady pace.  It was all he needed to do, but even now, especially with the voice in his head, throwing all of his anxious, self-conscious thoughts back at him, he was struggling.  He’d thought everything the voice in his head was projecting into his mind, but hearing it from someone else was so much worse. 

_‘Force-Null is displaying higher levels of competence and physical endurance than Subject Mako Ren.  Conclusion:  Mako Ren is pathetic.’_

He was holding up better.  Despite his own insecurities the General kept thinking, kept moving forward.  He didn’t seem to be allowing anything to stop him, despite his fears of being too close to others and his worries over having his thoughts read.  Usually he would think to himself that if the General, or Gaius, or any of his brothers could push themselves from their comfort zones, than he could do it as well.  They would inspire him.  Now though, all he could feel was shame as the voice continued to mock him from inside his own mind. 

_‘Force-Null should not have achieved success.  Lack of Force ability put odds at zero percent.  Subject Force-Null was subjected to fear inducing stimuli.  Subject Force-Null threatened with sexual violence.  Subject Force-Null persists.  Subject Mako Ren is threatened with a narrow hall.  Observation:  Sexual violence more of an immediate threat than narrow hall.  Conclusion:  Mako Ren is more ‘pathetic’ than Force-Null.’_

“Get out of his head,” Hathor growled out loud. 

_‘Proctor cannot be Forced from subject's mind.  Subject has also made no substancial attempt to remove proctor.  Subject is preoccupied in making attempts to walk through fear inducing stimuli.  Application of anxiety inducing stimuli already commenced.  Memories of 'shortcomings' accessed.  Proctor will access memories and bring them to subject's attention.  Pending...pending...pending...subject keeps memories out of reach.  Uses 'poetry' to keep them inaccessable.’_

“We all have our weaknesses, don’t let those thoughts get to you,” said Kylo, “We all have thoughts like those.  Every one of us has been our own worst enemy at some point.” 

_‘Master of Ren is correct.  'Call from the light' causes ample deficiency.  Limits mental capacities and places strain upon interpersonal dynamics.  Force-Null in particular suffers.  Fear of abandonment and inadequacy identified in Force-Null.  Observation:  Kylo Ren makes the Force-Null suffer.  Analysis:  Kylo Ren does nothing to stem Force-Null's suffering.  Conclusion:  Kylo Ren enjoys making Force-Null suffer.'_

“Do not give sustenance to its mockery,” warned Mako, “The more we speak the more it will cast our doubts back upon our waiting minds.” 

_‘Poetry-brain doing okay back there?  We’re pulling back a bit.  There’s no end to these things.’_

_‘Additional knight detected.  Subject has accessed collective consciousness in full.’_

_‘…shit.  Guess it was only a matter of time before one of the temple-bastards showed up.  This thing’s leeching on your bad thoughts?’_

_‘Aye…’_

_‘Hey, shit-head, go take a long walk out of a short shuttle bay.’_

_‘Subject's designation unclear.  Designation...Celeste?_

_‘…Hey Mako, mind if I kill this one if it manifests itself?’_

_‘Sorry Eleo, dear, I’m calling dibs.’_

_‘This foe I plan to fell myself.’_

_‘Proctor bears no personal 'Ill-will'.  Proctor seeks out stimuli within minds of subjects and applies them.  Subjects provide the proctor with their own insecurities.  Observation:  Proctor is amused by subjects.  Proctor desires hardy test subjects for successful experimentation.  Suggestion:  Knights of Ren should focus on test and ignore discomfort.  Subjects will face harsher challenge after pending process completed.’_

*** 

As soon as E’Chon had beaten back the closest opponent Hux called out, “Use it now!” 

Eleo aimed a long cylindrical weapon down the hall.  He fired off a projectile that soared above the heads of the enemies and whistled as it flew down the hall.  Suddenly Hux saw a flash and a wave of heat smacking him in the face.  The sound was awful as the monsters shrieked and burned.  He managed to pick a few off as they kept trying to advance, but Eleo’s weapon had taken most of them out. 

“Should buy us some time,” said the knight, his smirk made obvious by the sound of his voice. 

“I hope you have a few more of those,” said Hux. 

“Three.  I don’t keep too many on me because if they go off, well, let’s just say I’d come out of it extra crispy,” replied Eleo, “But that’s the second time I used this…I wonder why it lets me use them and not you.” 

“I can think of an obvious and unfair reason…” the General mumbled back. 

Hux checked his plasma reserves.  Shooting at these…creatures was draining their resources.  They had only managed to buy Mako a few minutes, but it was looking more and more like they wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.  Not using ranged weapons at any rate.  He reached for a pair of batons and extended them.  They weren’t the same length as a blade, but so long as they would keep the creatures off of him they would be sufficient.  He activated to electro shocks.  One touch ought to fry whatever the things closing in on them were. 

“I’m low on plasma and switching to melee,” Hux called out as calmly as he could.  He squeezed between E’Chon and the wall to get closer to the enemy.  The big knight’s massive body served to block them from getting through.  It might not be long until the hall was so narrow that E’Chon would have to start falling back by crouching on his knees. 

Gaius leapt down beside him and drew his blade, tapping Hux’s arm briefly with his free hand, _‘Same here.  I’ll go with you.’_

“Which leaves me to cover your sweet ass, Red.  I’m hopping up big guy,” warned Eleo. 

“Nothing too explosive.  Gaius and I will move forward and the last thing we need is to get burned alive,” said Hux, “We’ll stay put and try to thin them out.” 

“You don’t fear they will attack you from behind should they push past?” asked Seigurd. 

“No…They don’t seem capable of making even the most basic tactical decisions.  If a spirit’s controlling them, there are probably too many for it to give each and every one of them specific second by second commands.  They only seem to know how to advance and attack an opponent that’s in front of them,” said Hux, “So long as we can eliminate or deflect them, we should be fine.” 

“Right, no more explosions for a while.  You guys are no…shit…” said Eleo, trailing off into a grumble. 

“What?” asked Hux. 

“The Temple Ghost is after our brother!” bellowed E’Chon. 

 _‘W-wait!  We need you here E’Chon!’_ piped Gaius, letting go of Hux to take hold of his brother. 

“Easy big guy…this guy is…well, you can hear it if you listen for it.  It’s latched onto Mako’s head and it isn’t budging.  The most we can do is try to give him enough time to handle it,” said Eleo. 

“Seigurd, your specialty is with the Force.  Can you help Mako get the spirit out of his mind?” asked Hux. 

“It is uncertain.  To force it out by our power could hurt Mako more than it would aid him,” replied Seigurd. 

“Well, keep an ear…mind out.  We’re going ahead,” said Hux. 

“Fight well smallest brother!” called E’Chon. 

Gaius turned and waved before moving beside Hux, _‘This’ll be easier if the two of us were connected.’_

“But I won’t be able to concentrate with seven sets of senses suddenly attached to my mind,” protested Hux, “I would be more than willing if I could stay in a more secure location, but out here, I need my mind unclouded.” 

 _‘That’s fine.  But you’ll be communicating with us slower, and you might not hear what’s going on with Mako right away,’_ warned Gaius. 

Hux heard a creature snarling up ahead and scowled at the noise, “My priority is the security of the target and ensuring that the objective is achieved.” 

 _‘Mako.  His name is Mako,’_ Gaius reminded him gently, giving Hux’s hand a squeeze before he let go. 

Hux sighed through his nose, “Right…sorry, got caught up in things…Here they come.” 

The creatures began pouring in again.  Eleo’s weapon had packed a punch, giving them enough time to breathe and strategize, but now the fight was back on.  He stood at the ready.  These creatures wouldn’t be like fighting a simulation, or even hand to hand combat practice.  They charged, tearing and biting like a pack of animals in human form.  He just had to make sure they didn’t grab or disarm him. 

The creatures surged forward, like a wave, trying to crash into and break everything in its path.  They all reacted the same, trying to reach for him and snapping their teeth.  He caught one in the mouth with an electro baton and another across the arm.  The effect was immediate, with the creatures being flung backwards by the force of the power flowing through them.  Gaius was holding his own as well with a singing steel short-blade and a plasma shield.  He could easily knock the creatures’ limbs aside with the shield when they reached for him before cutting into their now vulnerable bodies with his short-blade. 

The ones that weren’t directly in front of them simply rushed past.  If something wasn’t blocking their path, the creatures seemed compelled to move forward.  Hux allowed them to.  After all, his role in this wasn’t to halt them, it was to think them out before they got to E’Chon and Eleo.  Once they began to tire out, Seigurd would take over by keeping their enemies back with the Force.  If all went well, they ought to be able to alternate like that once or twice before they were forced to make their final retreat.  Hopefully by then Mako will have managed to make it far enough, or possibly get through on his own.  The last thing Hux wanted to do was force the knight into a tight space, but with the safety of six other knights to consider…

He didn’t want to make that sort of call, but he knew what he would have to do in order to get as many knights through this challenge as safely as possible. 

Hux brought one baton over a creature’s head and crashed the other one into the ribs of a creature running past him.  Gaius bashed one of their heads with his shield, sending it face first into a wall and impaled another with his short sword.  Hux began to understand what Gaius had meant.  He was used to units in the field constantly communicating through coms, but with Gaius unable to talk and having both hands occupied, there was little they could do to speak with one another.  The small knight was probably too preoccupied with the fight to concentrate on communicating, and Hux had no Force ability of his own to assist in establishing a link between their minds.  However…

The General shouted back, “Seigurd, patch me in to Gaius’ mind!  Thoughts only!” 

He heard the austere knight’s voice in his mind, _‘I will have to act as a conduit, General.  Both of your thoughts will be linked through my mind.’_

“Do what you have to, but I need to be able to talk to him!” Hux shouted back. 

 _‘There is no need for shouting, General, I can hear your thoughts clearly enough,’_ replied Seigurd, an idea that terrified Hux to the core. 

 _‘It’s okay.  Just surface thoughts, we won’t pry,’_ assured Gaius. 

“Wait, I want you to probe deeper!” said Hux, as an idea suddenly occurred to him, “Seigurd, go through my memories.  First Order close combat training.  I want you to look at them and relay them to Gaius.  Can you do that?” 

 _‘It is a simple matter, but it will take a small amount of time,’_ replied the knight. 

 _‘What are you doing?’_ piped Gaius as he slashed into another creature. 

“Giving you my training!” growled Hux as he forced a creature back and jabbed it in the sternum. 

 _‘Then take mine as well.  We’ll be able to fight better together that way!’_ said Gaius. 

 _‘It is possible, but it will take time.  The memories will come to both of you, but you must focus on not being torn apart by those foul things,’_ said Seigurd. 

“Don’t bite off more than you can chew, Red!” Eleo called out above the noise of snarling and fighting. 

“Use your mighty rounded house!” called E’Chon. 

“Roundhouse,” corrected Eleo. 

“And the roundhouse as well!” shouted the big knight, “Use all the houses!” 

If Hux hadn’t been so focused on not being killed, he might have laughed. 

 _‘On your left!’_ Gaius’ thoughts called out. 

Hux instinctively thought of a memory that wasn’t his.  He had a sword in his hand, was barely armoured and plenty of sand between his toes.  He twisted, moving more like a dancer than a soldier, dipping low and sweeping to pull the legs from under the creature on his left and catch another under the jaw with his other baton as he came up again.  Glancing to the side he watched Gaius fight back a creature using the same basic patterns and techniques they taught cadets. 

Cadets….

Hux suddenly felt like panicking.  How much could Seigurd see?  How much did he know?  Did the knight know what he had done in the Academy and if so, could the others see it?  Would Kylo know that he had-

_‘Worry not vessel, I seek only your training.’_

_‘Seigurd…what did you…how much do you know?’_

_‘Nothing specific, but I can feel the pain and anxiety it causes you.  I will not pry…but I am aware of a certain rule in your Order.  One that dictated you had to kill in order to advance.’_

_‘We…we all did…’_

_‘You think the Knights of Ren pacifists?  While killing your own seems excessive and counterintuitive, we’d be hypocrites to be ashamed of any blood you shed.’_

_‘But I…they were supposedly my…’_

_‘A family that expects and encourages you to kill your brothers is hardly a family at all.’_

_‘I can’t think about this right now.’_

_‘Do what you must General.’_

_‘Too close!’_

Hux growled out loud in frustration, “Who the hell keeps saying that!?” 

 _‘Saying what?’_ asked Gaius. 

 _‘We heard nothing,’_ added Seigurd. 

“Well someone’s been talking in my mind for weeks and I’m-” Hux smashed a creatures’ face in, “Kriffing-” He planted his foot in a different one’s gut before pummeling it with the handle of his baton, “Sick of it!” 

   *** 

_‘Observation:  Force-Null experiences frequent flashes of anger and refuses to harness it.  Force-Null and four subjects have successfully neutralized variables.  Mako Ren has neutralized zero targets and has made minimal progress.  Conclusion:  Mako Ren is still 'pathetic.'”_

_‘He passed three challenges.  Don’t listen to him Mako.’_

_‘Mako Ren provides proctor with anxiety inducing stimuli.  Memories provide ample stimuli.  Fear of disappointing detected, fear of failure detected, feelings of inadequacy detected, history of causing feelings of embarrassment and humiliation in others detected.’_

_‘I see the thoughts of my eldest brother’s tomes.  Memories of texts of one who used that which binds worlds to move that which cannot.  One who masked his power as necromancy most dark.’_

_‘Analyzing.  Data contained in description matches proctor's history.’_

_‘A master who died by his apprentice’s hand when waxen wings did mount above his reach.  Who was killed for but one secret, for all else he tried ended in a failed attempt at greatness.’_

_‘…’_

_‘I may sell myself too short, yet I find thou hast overestimated what little thou hadst to sell.’_

Mako heard something snarl.  He could sense something coming.  But that wasn’t right.  He could feel in his limbs that his brothers were still fighting.  He could feel E’Chon’s massive body collide with the walls at every move because the hall was too tight for him, something that made Mako tremble in place.  And yet he could feel several things closing in.  Where had they come from?  There were no other ways in.  Nothing should have been able to sneak up on them. 

_‘Pending completed.  Temple halls reorganized.  Testing will recommence.  Difficulty increased.  Analyzing internal functions.  Proctor is...Proctor is...pending...pending...’_

There was another, much closer snarl. 

_‘Suggestion:  Subjects should run now.’_


	26. We Do What We Must Because We Can Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this week was sort of...hell? Hell is a good word for it. It was the Black Friday deals week (I wish that had stayed in America...) at our store, and I work as a cashier, so it wasn't much fun. Plus I spent a few days of it with an eyepatch on, so just looking around made me seasick. I barely got my chapters done, but I did finish, so I'm proud of myself!

Kylo pulled Hathor to Mako, “Take him.” 

Mako stared at his master in shock.  He was too close, both of them were too close.  There wasn’t going to be enough air.  He couldn’t breathe- 

“I need to get between you and whatever’s coming before they rush you.  You have to take him,” insisted Kylo. 

“Master of Ren, don’t,” began Hathor, “I can move by my-”

He stumbled forward, grabbing onto the wall when he tried to prove his point.  He gasped and hissed as his legs trembled beneath him, “I’m…I can go like this.  It’s not very graceful, but I can do it.” 

“Mako, look at him!” insisted Kylo, “He can barely walk!  I know how hard this is going to be, but he needs you.” 

“I…” said Mako, looking ahead at the corridor which would only become smaller and smaller. 

“Don’t make him do this!” said Hathor, “Can’t you feel what this is doing to him!?  I’ll wait here, Master of Ren.”  He took out his blaster, “I can protect myself should anything manage to get past you.  Please don’t make him do this.” 

_‘Mako Ren is incapable of providing assistance.  Observation:  Mako Ren prioritizes comfort over assistance to subject he claims to love.’_

Mako started and his voice hitched.  Was he truly being so horrible and selfish?  He looked at Hathor and something inside him snapped.  He was still scared, terrified that the hall was going to close in on him, crush him, suffocate him, but he knew he couldn’t go on like this.  Everyone was fighting for his sake and he had but one, simple task.  Move forward.  They all had to help each other.  Their connection made them acutely aware of each other’s shortcomings and they all tried to help one another.  That should continue, even if it was hard, even if it hurt. 

The spirit was correct, in a strange way.  Mako knew he should stop avoiding his fear.  The Knights had focused on making sure he felt safe and comfortable, so much so that he never really had to face his fear in this way.  Now Hathor needed him to face it. 

“Come with me,” said Mako, holding out his hand. 

“Mako, you can’t,” said Hathor. 

“I shall be my own judge and jury upon that matter,” insisted Mako, “And executioner if the need cometh forth.” 

“Move as quick as you can, “I’ll-”

Kylo was cut off when a creature slammed into his back.  It’s arms flailed, trying to rip into him as its legs latched on.  Kylo cut the creature away from him to get it off, then jabbed the point of his lightsaber into the thing’s throat, “Go now!” 

Mako took Hathor, holding him close and wanting to cry out for fear.  He was being rushed from behind.  There was no room.  The path in front of him was too tight.  He held Hathor close and tried to move, bringing the other knight with him. 

In his mind he felt something.  A memory, a wide open dessert.  He was on top of a dune, a cool wind whipping around him while the sun beat down hard on his head.  He wasn’t in armour, he was dressed in stiff, cotton garb.  It scratched a little, but it was light, and reflected the sun’s rays.  Everything seemed to go on forever.  It was vast, open, no end to it in sight.  There was a trail along the top of the dune.  He heard a voice, _‘He’s not the only one who can invade your mind love.’_

Mako looked beside him and saw Hathor.  He recognized the knight by his eyes.  He was also covered in white, cotton robes, something people on Atem wore when they traveled to protect themselves from the sun.  Hathor pointed along the dune, _‘Close your eyes and forget the hall, this is where we’re walking.  This is a place near my home on Atem, you’ve seen it in my memories.  I can’t take the challenge away.  I’m too weak to take away the feeling when the walls get too close, but I hope this will help.’_

 _‘It does…’_ said Mako.  Hathor’s own illusion didn’t take away the reality of what he was facing.  It would be the same as closing his eyes, thinking happy thoughts while pretending the danger wasn’t there.  He started, _‘But your power…’_

 _‘I used up most of my strength, yes.  I have a little left.  No sense in leaving it untapped while we need it,’_ explained Hathor.  He looked out across the dessert, _‘I didn’t like how those walls looked anyhow.  Too drab.  I like this much better.’_

_‘Mako Ren is still being provided with assistance.  Hathor Ren is at a weakened capacity and provides assistance.  Conclusion: Mako Ren is ‘pathetic’.’_

Hathor’s eyes shot Mako an irate look from between a covering on his head and the cloth over his face to keep sand from getting in his mouth and nose, _‘I couldn’t block that ugly bastard…’_

 _‘Let him come.  I won’t pretend that words are pow’rless.  I forge them in the smithy of my mouth and know their strength so well.  It flings my own scorns back upon me, yet I must face it,’_ said Mako, supporting Hathor as they moved forward together, _‘You looked solitude in the face and surmounted it.  I can face what causes me fear and grief with you to inspire me.’_

_‘Connection between Force-Null and two subjects detected.’_

Mako severed his connection to Kylo and the others.  This thing was after him.  It might leave the others alone, and especially the General, if he cut them off.  He still had Hathor though.  So long as the two of them got to the end of this challenge, all would be well. 

_‘Mako Ren is distrusting of Force-Null.  Sentiment is shared by subject’s older brother.  Reminder:  Mako Ren prioritizes Knights of Ren over blood relations.  Consequential animosity and emotional pain detected.  Pending…Mako Ren’s brother’s conclusion is correct.  Force-Null was raised for destruction.  Force-Null’s training encouraged slaughter of fellow subjects.’_

_‘I wonder, gentle spirit, if the sting you expect to pierce my soul by that is as great as the one that pierced your heart.  An apprentice’s betrayal is common, but no small wound.’_

_‘Proctor was providing a warning.  Colloquialism:  Rude.  Mako Ren is being rude.’_

_‘It is a fitting way to speak to an odious canker that clings to my mind as a burr upon silk.’_

_‘Good one, love,’_ added Hathor. 

   ***  

The creatures were still coming at them.  Hux struck one in the ribs with his baton before kicking it back.  The ones that rushed past him were either shot down by Eleo or met their end by being crushed under E’Chon’s sword.  All through the halls the large knight’s laughter echoed.  Hux heard it ringing in his ears.  At first he thought the knight had somehow slipped into his mind, but he soon realized that it was just the large knight overpowering every other sound with his voice. 

Then there was a voice in his head, Seigurd Ren, ‘ _They’re at our backs!  Orders, vessel!’_

Hux was so concentrated on fighting that he wouldn’t have even cared if Seigurd called him a Nerf-herder.  He sent out his thoughts as he called them out loud, “Echo and Eleo will have to hold them!  Seigurd, try to stop them from advancing on the others!  Gaius and I will route the ones that got behind us!  Can anyone sense where they came from!?” 

 _‘I know not.  I cannot sense from whence they came,’_ replied Seigurd. 

“I’ve got it Red!  Whatever it is opened up two passages into our hall!” shouted Eleo, gesturing behind himself and E’Chon. 

“Right!  Fall back!  Hold your position about five paces beyond those entrances.  Gaius and I will try to route the ones that got in behind!” shouted Hux, squeezing between E’Chon and the wall.  

“There’s gonna be three times as many, big guy,” said Eleo, thumping a hand over E’Chon’s helmet as he levelled his blaster at a charging creature. 

“Let them all come!” roared E’Chon. 

Hux had never seen that sort of lust for battle before.  The First Order emphasized calmness, remaining detached, following orders to the letter so an objective could be accomplished as efficiently as possible.  They weren’t encouraged to enjoy fighting.  The last thing an operation needed was a madman disobeying orders to go have his fun.  The sight and sound of E’Chon enjoying the fight so much, laughing at the sounds of bones crushing beneath his club-like blade chilled Hux.  He couldn’t put his finger on it, but something about it didn’t sit quite right with him. 

 _‘It freaked me out too, but it’s just how he is,’_ assured Gaius’ voice. 

Hux gasped slightly as he recalled their minds were still connected.  He’d been trained to keep his opinions of other people’s character to himself.  He would never say such things out loud and he felt embarrassed that Gaius and Seigurd could overhear them thinking about all of them.  He didn’t like it, but he needed to use the connection for easy communication. 

 _‘It’s okay.  We think about each other that way too.  However you feel, it’s okay.  If you don’t tell us something bothers you we can’t fix it,’_ Gaius tried to explain. 

“We should focus now,” said Hux, running to catch up with the creatures that were barreling down the hall.  With his taller build and longer legs he had already passed Gaius.  He might have not been the strongest during training, but his mental focus and lanky build had made him good at running. 

He was the first to catch up with the creatures, clubbing one from behind.  He was sure whatever he didn’t kill, Gaius could pick off.  He called back, “Any time with that shield or those pushes, Seigurd!” 

Suddenly a whole group of them were thrust back.  They were barely stunned, instantly scrambling to get upright again and continue their charge.  Hux knew he would have to act fast, take down the ones he could reach quickly before they reached Mako.  If the knight was as horribly claustrophobic as Hathor had made him out to be, being rushed in such a small space would be terrifying.  It might even put enough mental strain on him to incapacitate the Heian knight.  If that happened the number of fighters they had would be down to six, and they would have to modify strategies to protect Mako and Hathor while they recovered. 

A thought from his training came to him and Hux instantly cast it away.  He didn’t want the knights to hear him think it.  If they heard it he knew they would hate it.  They would hate him.  It was such an awful thought but it was what he had been trained to think.  Weakness on the battlefield wasn’t tolerated.  The weak did not survive.  The weak should…the weak should be… 

_‘You’re too close.  This is what happens when you get too close.’_

“Shut up!” Hux shouted out loud as he brought his baton over a creature’s head with a crack, “Shut up and get out of my head!” 

_‘The voice comes from within your own mind, General.  It is not a spirit.  It is a memory that you have given far too much sway over you.’_

“But I can’t use the Force,” protested Hux out loud. 

More creatures were knocked back as Seigurd continued, _‘The Force has no part in it.  Any sentient creature might have traumatic memories.  Something has brought it to the surface.’_

“I need it to stop!  Can you block it?” demanded Hux. 

_‘That is not how the mind works, General…you are the only one who can silence this voice.’_

_‘Mako sometimes goes through something similar.  There were people on Heian who weren’t nice to him.  Sometimes his thoughts were really loud and negative and he just couldn’t get them out.  He used poetry to make it go away,’_ explained Gaius. 

“I can’t make up a sonnet in the middle of this!” exclaimed Hux as he tripped a creature for Gaius to finish off. 

 _‘You’ll have to find your own way…I’m sorry to say now isn’t really the time,’_ came Gaius’ thoughts regretfully.  

Hux heard a familiar hum up ahead.  He caught sight of a red, glowing blade and instinctively drew his blaster.  It wasn’t until he could clearly make out the two prongs on the side of the blade that he allowed himself to lower his guard.  When the blade stilled, Hux called ahead, “We had to pull back!  The spirits created two more entrances for those things to pour in from!” 

“Son-of-a-bitch!” snarled Kylo, “So they can pop up at any moment!?” 

“Seems that way, where’s Mako?” Hux called ahead. 

“Shit, I let them go ahead alone!” called Kylo. 

Hux felt his mouth go dry.  Had all the fighting been for nothing again?  Had they managed to hold the enemies back just for the spirit to spring a trap on the two most vulnerable knights.  Hux growled, “Seigurd, I’m going ahead with Gaius and Kylo!  Hold start falling back slowly!  If you don’t reach us within fifteen minutes make a full retreat and try to rendezvous!” 

_‘I will see that it is done, ve- General.’_

“We have to get to them first,” said Hux, running ahead to catch up with Kylo, “Have you talked to it? What’s this one like?” 

“Worse than the second one.  It talks too much,” growled Kylo. 

Hux heard a sound from Gaius and the small knight gasped before his thoughts came clear in Hux’s mind, _‘So that’s what it does…And there’s no way we can get it out of Mako’s mind?’_

“If we try, we’d all be attacking it through Mako’s mind.  What’s worse, this thing goes for the jugular.  Some of us can take being talked to like that inside our own heads.  Others…”

Kylo trailed off and Hux understood.  Kylo was talking about him.  Whatever this spirit said or did would be too much for him to handle.  As insulted as he wanted to feel, he couldn’t help but thin Kylo was right.  He could barely tolerate having people reading his thoughts when he invited them to do it.  If he couldn’t manage that, how could he manage against someone hostile?  Even with his stubbornness, Hux had to admit he might not be able to handle something like-

 _‘Don’t, it’s listening,’_ warned Gaius as the three of them charged ahead. 

   ***  

Mako pressed on.  He couldn’t see it but he knew the hall was getting tighter.  Sometimes he would feel brick brushing against his arm and hear armour clattering against it and he would shudder.  He tried to concentrate on the imaginary scenery.  He was on top of a dune.  There was a wide blue sky, an endless sea of dessert stretched out before him.  There couldn’t be anything more open than this.  He knew it wasn’t real, but the thought of open spaces kept him calm. 

_‘Proctor has finished assessing subjects and variables.  True test commencing..’_

The scene disappeared, causing Hathor to gasp and Mako to feel sick.  He felt like his knees were going to buckle when he saw where he was.  It was like a coffin.  It was tight, so tight Hathor had been walking behind him.  There was barely any space above his head and he could see it was only going to get smaller… 

_‘Subjects will not leave until test is completed, Purpose:  Test Mako Ren's worth as a Knight of Ren.  Hypothesis:  Mako Ren will break.  Observation:  All past subjects have broken.  Variables incoming.'_

There was a sound of running feet fast approaching from down the hall. 

_‘Variables will reach subjects soon.  Variables locked onto targets, Mako Ren and Hathor Ren.  Variables will eliminate targets.  To end experiment, variables must be eliminated, or variables must eliminate one target.'_

"What are you..." Mako began. 

_'Mako Ren may end experiment at any time by sacrificing Hathor Ren.'_


	27. We Do What We Must Because We Can Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're gonna have a funny chapter next, I promise.

So it came down to that.  It seemed his life was all about choosing between two sides.  Heian or exploring the Galaxy, a warrior’s blade or a coward’s weapon, the Knights of Ren or his brothers by blood.  Now it was his safety against Hathor’s life.  The spirit, unfortunately had made one, very grave, miscalculation. 

Given the choice between Hathor and anything else, he would always choose Hathor. 

“Go,” said Mako, turning to Hathor.  It was the only word that would come to him. 

“Mako, I can fight them if you-” began Hathor. 

“Your plasma is low, you’ve used up what strength you had on that illusion and in other fights.  You need to go,” said Mako, “But I will keep your blade, if you would let me take it.” 

“No, I can’t do that,” said Hathor, “You can have my sword, but I’m not going ahead without you.” 

“We can’t fight side by side,” said Mako quickly. 

“I’ll stay behind but I’m not going anywhere,” replied Hathor staunchly, “Give me your blaster.  I’ll do what I can.” 

_‘I can feel how scared you are of this place.  You don’t have to do this for me.  I don’t want you to be in this situation for my sake.’_

_‘I couldn’t help you before, but I can help you now.  Let me do this.’_

_‘It’s too much and I’m…I’m spent.  I’m trying but-‘_

_‘No excuse is needed.’_

Mako took the blade.  The creatures, whatever was scraping and charging towards them was going to be on top of them soon.  For a moment, Mako considered removing his helmet.  Almost as soon as he thought of it he realized that it would not do him any good.  He would still be in a narrow hall and soon there would be creatures on top of him, baring down on him, forcing him back and back into a space that was tight and narrow like a coffin.  Crushing and constricting until he wouldn’t be able to move or breath- 

No, he couldn’t think like that.  He had to stay calm, make things as tolerable for himself as he could for as long as he was able.  It wouldn’t be long before the others sensed that their enemies were behind them, not in front of them, and they would turn to help him.  He just had to hold out until they came.  And they would come for him.  They had to come for him.  They were his brothers. 

…except, one wasn’t. 

It had been easy to ignore his brother’s warnings in the heat of the moment.  Tensions had been high and Mako convinced himself that the Warlord had been speaking out of pure jealousy and heartache.  Mako convinced himself that the best thing he could do for his brother was give him time to calm down, to come to his senses, and while Mako would always leave the offer for reconciliation on the table, he knew they best way to create a rift was ironically to make his pursuit of a relationship aggressive and constant.  When his brother had spoke of the General, his goals, his training, the sort of character the First Order tried to build within their troops, Mako had let it was over him. 

But when he thought about it, it made no tactical sense to rescue them.  Hathor was spent and Mako could feel himself tip-toeing along the edge of sanity and peering curiously into a chasm of madness.  They were obviously the two most expendable units.  Within the First Order, weakness was not tolerated, and even after disconnecting to give himself some mental space, Mako could tell he and Hathor were the weakest.  The General was a Rose of Strategy, and roses used their thorns to survive.  They pricked and needled at those who would pull them up and let their roots run deep, expanding and choking out others when necessary.  At first Mako had found these traits exotic, attractive in a way his dark alignment found appealing, but it made the General dangerous, and Mako had been willfully ignoring that fact up until now. 

And now, spurred on by fear, Mako couldn’t help thinking that the General might abandon them. 

Even if this was the case, if the worst happened, Mako knew he had to stand at the point of the gap.  If he moved, the creatures would get to Hathor.  If they were truly alone and this was going to be the end of them, this was how Mako would have it.  They would be together.  It was really the only consolation he had at the moment. 

Everything was closing in.  Mako had been hoping somehow that it wouldn’t happen, that the challenge would somehow stop.  The creatures were close now, close enough to see and they lunged at him. 

They closed in and it felt like he was being pushed back.  He tried to push through them but it brought him close, too close.  They were on top of him.  The space inside his armour was all he had to call his own and it was too little.  It felt like he was being crushed.  He cut into them, trying to get more space.  He felt his fear overpowering him. 

So he gave into it. 

He let the fear take over, control his movements, control his thoughts.  With fear came strength and he needed that strength now more than ever.  It was hard to see with the visor, but he didn’t need his eyes.  All he needed was the Force and his swordsmanship.  He just needed to let his fear take control.  Let it fuel him in a way that every tutor who had instructed him before joining the Knights of Ren had told him to never do. 

It had stifled him in a way that Seigurd had immediately sensed and despised.  He just had to give in to it now.  Give in to all the fear and hate and anger that was bubbling through him.  His fear didn’t have to make him cower.  His fear could make him frightening in and of himself. 

He cut into them as they came, letting the singing steel glide through the creatures like butter.  Occasionally he would catch sight of a plasma bolt as he fell further back into the tightness of the hallway.  It became smaller.  He felt the blade sing against the wall and saw the sparks as the halls closed in. 

He was scared, he was terrified, but he had to give in to the fear.  If he tried to control it or stave it off the urgency of the situation would overcome him.  He had to embrace it, let it have him.  If he didn’t, if he continued to shy away from it, it would be all over. 

It must have been what the spirit had been talking about.  Gaius learned to better harness the Force, Seigurd learned wisdom, and Hathor learned he could persevere in the face of devastating loss.  In the same way, the spirit seemed to be trying to teach him to harness his fear, not shrink from it. 

He heard a voice in his mind.  Not his brothers, he had cut them off to make the situation somewhat more tolerable.  It rang in his ears, though he was too far gone to contemplate or even discern the words.  He was deaf, even in his own mind he was deaf. 

He only saw creatures, a sea of them, and he was uncertain if he had dreamed them or if he was actually seeing them with his own eyes.  And then a flash of red. 

   ***  

E’Chon didn’t percieve Mako’s mental deafness.  He had long since given himself over to the chemicals in his brain that spurred him to move forward.  Not adrenaline.  Too many fools thought that adrenaline gave them strength in battle.  It could, but not for E’Chon.  It was a rush of pure dopamine, a rush of it, the chemical in the brain that triggered pleasure.  E’Chon enjoyed battle.  He revelled in it, whether victory was obvious or not. 

And victory seemed obvious here.  He had enemies, weak and paltry, charging into him, crashing against his armour, practically lining up to be crushed by his blade, one at a time.  He couldn’t help it.  He laughed.  He knew how his brothers perceived the sound, the way it came out after being processed by two filters and a vocoder.  He had heard it ringing in his brothers ears and agreed that it sounded demonic, hellish, but E’Chon loved to hear the sound.  He loved to hear it amidst the crashing of armour and the dull smack of flesh connecting with a club.  Bones cracking, growls and snarls- 

“Big guy!  Big guy stop!” 

But he didn’t stop.  How could he stop?  It was addictive.  It made him feel alive.  Feeling the bones of his enemies crunch under the weight of his mighty swing.  He loved it.  It brought him back to his home planet.  While his people had not always been at war, E’Chon’s lifetime had never been without it.  Then an honourable war with an honourable end had been taken from all of them, and by no fault in their own conduct.  They had been felled not by a blade, but by a disease. 

“E’Chon Ren, halt!” 

He felt something pull at him.  Something invisible.  But there were more creatures here to crush.  So many of them still writhing along the ground.  Ones who clearly hadn’t had enough.  He grinned behind his mask as he watched them try to crawl, pathetically trying to advance. 

And then he couldn’t move.  He was turned and at first he was outraged.  How dare his brothers stop him!  They knew what a fight and battle meant to him.  He was so rarely allowed this indulgence.  But because of that he knew his brothers would not stop him, especially Seigurd, who was always encouraging him to let his lust for battle free.  There had to be some purpose. 

“Big guy…” panted Eleo Ren.  He had climbed off of his back and stood on the floor, a hand outstretched to guide the Force around him. 

_‘It’s red.  They’ve cleared the ones between us and the Boss, but they went on ahead and found more of them.’_

_‘So the enemy is behind us!?’_

_‘And they must be routed before they press Mako Ren further.’_

_‘Then we shall do battle with them!’_

_‘That’s the problem…you can’t, big guy.’_

_‘WHAT!?’_

_‘Ouch!  Volume!  For crying out…’_

_‘It is this passage.  It is too narrow.  By the time we reach where Mako Ren is expected to be, you may be required to shed some of your armour and crawl.  The Master of Ren is currently trying to run with a slouch.  Can’t you feel it?’_

Focusing on Kylo’s sensations, E’Chon could feel it.  He was bending over as the ceiling above him drew lower.  If Kylo, who was a respectable size for a warrior had to duck, then E’Chon would have to get on his knees or double over to proceed.  He wouldn’t be able to fight like that. 

_‘And our brother Mako?  How fares he in his challenge?’_

_‘Last I checked, not good.  I think Hathor was burning out too, using the last of his energy on an illusion.  He’s gonna be completely drained.’_

_‘Follow as close as you can, E’Chon Ren.  Eleo and I will begin the advance.’_

E’Chon understood.  He disliked it, but he understood.  The environment kept him from fighting.  There was no dishonour in it, he was simply less suited to the terrain than the others were, but it disappointed him.  There was nothing wrong with his capacity to fight, his body was simply too large, just as for many of his former comrades, their spirits had been bold but their bodies had been wracked by illness.  There was no dishonour, and yet there was not a scrap of fairness to it. 

_‘I shall follow with haste!  Let our enemies be trampled under our might!’_

_‘That’s the spirit big…shit!  Feel that!?  We have to move!’_

E’Chon did feel it, and he did move.  He felt shock from his smallest brother and from Kylo.  He felt panic from Hathor, who he could feel now thanks to Kylo’s assistance.  Mako was closed off, but he saw what happened from the lower perspective of his smallest brother’s eyes. 

Mako had swung his blade at the General.  He could see red fluid splattering the halls. 

   *** 

“MAKO STOP!  STOP!” 

Finally the deafness left him.  His sight was slowly returning as he panted, shrinking to his knees, making himself as small as possible to avoid being crushed.  He felt something trying to crush him and flung it back with the Force.  Then pressure.  More pressure all around him. 

“I’m holding him down!  How’s Hux!?” 

Mako cried out wordlessly as he struggled against it all.  It was crushing, swallowing, constricting and there was no escaping it.  He struggled against it.  He let his fear rule him as he snarled. 

“Mako, Mako, it’s okay.  Let me in, love.  Mako please let me in.  It’s over, it’s all gone.  Nothing’s coming after us.” 

Mako howled in response.  It wasn’t over.  If it was over he would be able to breathe.  Why couldn’t he breathe!? 

“Keep him down!” 

“Hux!?  How are you!?” 

“I’ll explain later, just hold him down!” 

Mako felt something pull at his head.  Something cool smacked his face before something was shoved into his mouth.  Cooling spray shot into his mouth and down his throat.  Instantly his muscles began relaxing.  His mind was still unable to focus, but his body was beginning to go slack.  He remained there a moment, still held down, this thing held fast between his teeth as his vision began to return. 

The first thing he saw was a pale hand, holding that spray that had been used on their master in the second challenge.  He also saw Hathor, no longer saddened and worried but horrified.  Hathor had never looked at him like that before.  His command over the Force, the finesse to perceive emotion returned next.  Hathor was not disgusted by him, but he was frightened by something he had done. 

_‘Objective:  To teach Mako Ren to harness fear.  Subject successful.  Experiment complete and successful.’_

_‘What…what did I…?’_

_‘Assault on Force-Null:  Unfortunate.  Setback status:  Minor.’_

Mako felt some of the deafness return.  He had done that?  He had…He looked at the pale hand and followed it until he saw the General’s face.  There was red everywhere. 

He pulled his mouth free and rasped out, “G-General…?” 

The General touched his face.  He frowned slightly before pulling his hand away and sighing.  He removed his helmet, “It was my fault for getting too close.  I suppose I couldn’t sense the rage that the others felt.” 

Mako reached out and cupped the General’s cheek, “Did…Did I do this?” 

The General spoke calmly, “It’s alright.  I have lines filled with fluids in my helmet that operate certain devices.  You cut one of them, that’s all.  I’m fine.” 

He pulled off his helmet and held it up, “See?  I’m fine.” 

He looked at the helmet and blanched.  He had been lucky he hadn’t taken the General’s head off.  He retracted his hand and clamped it over his mouth.  He felt cold and ashamed.  He had felt such power, limitless, but he had nearly… 

“You completely decimated them, that’s good,” said the General.  Mako could sense he was trying to make things better.  Trying to make the best of the situation. 

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…” said Mako.  His usual words were failing him.  They wouldn’t come.  He hadn’t done this since he was a child.  He’d been playing with his brothers and someone had shut him inside a closet.  He had kicked and screamed until someone had let him out, and it wasn’t until later, and he saw the door filled with punctures being replaced that he realized what he had done. 

_‘Mako Ren is successful.  Subject is displaying signs of duress.  Why is subject-’_

**_‘Shut up.’_ **

_‘…’_

_‘I was taught balance in all things.  My fear did hold me back.  It needed to be conquered.  I needed to harness it, but not like this.  Not like this…’_

“Forgive me,” Mako said quietly, “If you can find it within yourselves…forgive me…” 

“It’s this place,” said Hathor, moving forward slowly, cautiously, not trying to crowd him, “It pushes us past our limits.  It isn’t your fault.  If you had been in control you wouldn’t have done that.  General, please believe me.  He'd never do this in his right mind.” 

“But my control quit me,” muttered Mako. 

Kylo stayed back, and for a moment Mako feared it would be because their master was furious.  They could feel each other’s swarms of emotions though.  Kylo could feel Mako’s regret, his shame, how sorry he was for what he had done.  Mako in turn could feel his master’s anger, barely contained after seeing his love being attacked by one of his own, his fear, his conflict, unsure of how to feel about what had just happened.  He was angry, but Mako sensed that he understood.  He almost didn’t want it.  He wanted Kylo to be angry at him, to shout at him, perhaps even to hate him a little. 

_‘You’ve always been a bit melodramatic.  For as long as I’ve known you…’_

Mako felt warmth wash over him.  It was a gentle sort of heat, unlike a furnace or a humid summer day on Heian.  He had never been able to put his finger on it until the General had coined the term ‘sunshine feeling.’  It was his Master’s care.  Even with this they were still brothers.  He could feel Kylo’s reasoning.  Mako had not meant it.  No harm had been done.  He was still angry, but he would find a way to calm himself. 

Gaius took the General’s helmet and examined it.  Mako opened more of his mind, reaching out to Gaius if the small knight would allow it.  He could hear the piping thoughts in his mind and could have cried from relief to feel his brother again.  He was frightened by the display, but he understood.  One of the main benefits of their connection was being able to feel everything instantly.  Everything was open, they all understood each other’s intentions and thoughts.  Gaius tried to wipe the fluid away, smearing it over the helmet, _‘So…what broke, exactly?’_

“The cooling unit,” said Hux. 

“The what?” asked Kylo. 

“The cooling unit.  These helmets get hot, especially in areas with heat that reaches over thirty degrees.  They have cooling units built in,” explained Hux. 

Kylo roared at him, “I was worried sick over an _air conditioner!?”_  

Hux stood up, leaning into his master’s face and growling, “I didn’t tell you to worry or panic!  Anyone could see that it was just the helmet!” 

“I couldn’t see!  You couldn’t have said something sooner!?” snapped Kylo. 

“We had bigger things to worry about than leaking coolant!” barked Hux. 

“I didn’t know it was coolant you…you…Nerf Herder!” snarled Kylo, shaking the General by the shoulders. 

_‘Well…at least they’re back to normal?’_

_‘Mako, love, are you alright?  Look, they’re fine, see?  And the hall’s getting wider.  It’s alright, it’s over.’_

_‘I see…all will be well once more, and yet…in my mind the echoes still linger.’_

_‘It will be alright.  We’re here.  We’ll help you.  But this test…what was that damned spirit trying to achieve?’_

_‘It failed, and yet I found a better lesson…balance is needed.  When this is over, will you speak to my brother with me?  My blood brother.’_

_‘…Mako…’_

_‘I know he is not a man of temperate words, yet he is my blood.  Oft have I neglected it.  It is a part of me, and I do not wish to sever a piece of my heart if it may yet be salvaged.’_

_‘We can all go with you, if you want.  I could sense he was…sad.  I’m not good at sensing things much deeper than that, but he didn’t like how things ended either.’_

_‘…for your sake I’ll go.  If you can take on a hoard of monsters, a temple spirit, and your worst nightmares, then I can talk to your blood brother.’_

_‘My love, can you move?’_

Hathor had calmed and shakily rose to his feet.  The General moved to help him stand, letting Gaius take the helmet and huffing as he let Kylo stew in his outrage.  He held onto Hathor and helped him stand.  Trying to make light of the situation, Mako heard his lover give a flippant laugh, “Goodness General, I hope I’m not too much of a liability for the rest of us.” 

A strange look crossed Hux’s face and his emotions weren’t what Mako was expecting.  He thought the General would be frustrated, angry about the set-backs and the loss of one of their best fighters for future challenges.  Instead he was…frightened.  Not by Hathor, not by his head nearly being sliced off, but by himself.  The General knew that there was a change taking place within him.  His priorities weren’t the same as they were before, his values were shifting, and the change frightened him.  He didn’t know what it meant for him.  What it meant for his comrades. 

Kylo helped Mako up, _‘Looks like you got the sadist…these creatures.  I didn’t notice before but…’_

Mako hadn’t noticed before.  He had been too panicked to notice much of anything.  It was only once he felt Kylo come to his conclusion that Mako noticed it.  The creatures weren’t all the same.  They were shaped differently.  Some had scraps of clothes clinging to their flesh.  Some had tattoos.  They were all individuals, all possibly…

_‘I don’t think you’re the first it messed with…’_

_‘No, I believe you speak the truth, good master…’_

“Aw, come on!  This is twice in the same trip poetry-brains!” 

Eleo stormed down the hall and growled, “I come here to save your life and I here you are, already rescued.  Kriffing hell!” 

_‘You’re okay?  I can feel it.  This thing did a number on you.’_

_‘Aye, all is well with all things at their end.’_

_‘You sure?  You’re both okay?’_

_‘I may need help walking again…’_

_‘I too would take solace in some assistance from a kindly soul.’_

Kylo reached out and helped Mako to his feet, _‘I sense E’Chon coming, he can take Hathor again.’_

_‘Good master, I must offer apologies the depths of which rival the seas of stars.  I never meant to-’_

_‘It’s alright, I know.  That thing was messing with you, I can see your memories…do you really not trust him though?’_

_‘T’is not distrust.  I have faith in his abilities, yet his training has made him hard.  Without a glimpse of his mind I cannot tell what paths he takes…it is unnerving, I must confess.’_

_‘He doesn’t like it though.  I didn’t like it either at first.  He needs time…’_

_‘Which I shall grant him freely.  However…would that it were so simple, good master.’_


	28. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will return to our regularly scheduled challenges after some long overdue silliness.

Hux looked over the knights.  They were exhausted.  They didn’t seem like they would be able to continue like this.  Four challenges in and they seemed about to give in.  They were rattled, all of them.  Mako and Hathor had the worst of it, but it seemed the others were being fed their anxiousness and fear through the connection.  The knights had been silent, which normally meant they were conversing among each other.  Instead of making him feel self-conscious, being the only one who couldn’t hear the conversation, Hux felt helpless.  The connection was what the knights used to comfort each other, but he couldn’t do that.  He couldn’t send his feelings, and after experiencing it, saying, ‘I hope you feel better’ paled in comparison to being sent the direct feeling, the warmth, the comfort, the concern…

He couldn’t do it and he would never be able to do it.  There was no sense in being upset over something his body and mind simply didn’t allow.  It would be like moping because he wasn’t born with a pair of wings or fins.  It was pointless and counter-productive.  He could just let the knights take care of themselves.  They had likely done so for years and didn’t really need him, but since he was there he had no intention of being dead weight. 

Briefly, he wondered what he could do.  Even though he had been brought specifically to figure out tactics, it seemed pointless.  What good were tactics if the enemy could instantly intercept them and make counter plans?  They needed something else, some sort of advantage… 

Of course, that was how he would consider a mission, which this wasn’t.  It was a test, like simulation training.  Intended to teach harsh lessons and designed to strip away any and all weaknesses.  The broken were weak, unworthy and unfit to be soldiers.  Those who survived and persisted might be shaken, but they had overcome their weaknesses.  Perhaps it was something that he and the knights were going to share now. 

But could he really say that?  ‘I know how you feel.’  It seemed presumptuous, rude, self-centered.  His own experience was so different.  None of them wanted to hear a lecture with all of this going on. 

 _‘How’s your head?’_ asked Gaius, taking hold of Hux’s hand. 

“Fine, it was just the helmet that was damaged.  How are the others?” asked Hux. 

_‘They’re…they’ll be okay, it’s just that this has been…we underestimated it.  We thought we’d get through it because every other sort of training we’ve done together has been so easy.  We were always able to get through them just with our skills and strength,” admitted Gaius, “I think that’s why our Master sent us here.  We needed this, in a weird way.  We needed to be reminded we weren’t invincible.”_

“That’s an awfully cold and logical way of looking at things,” remarked Hux, ‘ _I thought that was my area of expertise.’_

 _‘Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like it, I’m mad, but I can only hope there’s going to be some sort of bright side to finishing this,’_ said Gaius, _‘My challenge is over, so I think it’s safe for me to say, if there’s no more bright side, or we can’t find one anymore, than we’re in a lot of trouble.’_

“What can I do?” asked Hux, “I feel completely lost down here.” 

 _‘What would your family do when you were feeling like you hit rock bottom?’_ suggested Gaius. 

“My father…he would come and talk to me.  Calmly explain that I was being silly.  He had this way of talking, charisma I suppose, and when he did I always felt inclined to believe him.  So when he told me I was being irrational, I figured he was right and just stopped acting like I was.  Nobody ever told me how.  He spoke, I acted,” explained Hux. 

Gaius was silent for a moment while he considered Hux, _‘He didn’t tell you that it was going to be okay?  Or give you a hug?’_

“We had a promise not to lie to each other.  If something wasn’t going to be alright…he never lied to me, even to spare my feelings.  They were just feelings.  I suppose I’d rather deal with reality than well-intentioned lies,” admitted Hux. 

Gaius squeezed Hux’s hand, _‘Right up until the end, my father kept telling me everything would be alright.  At first it wasn’t, but things did get better.  Maybe it was a lie, since he didn’t know things would get better, but it gave me the strength to keep going until E’Chon found me.’_

Hux said nothing as he considered the words.  Gaius continued, _‘If you don’t want to say things you don’t believe, it’s okay.  But we all like you a lot.  Hearing something nice from someone you like tends to go a long way.’_

“So I should just…start embracing everyone again?” Hux mumbled quietly. 

 _‘I wouldn’t say no…just a second…Mako might not be up for a hug yet and he’s, well, he’s really upset about taking a swing at you.  He didn’t mean to.  If he’d known it was you he never would have done it, but he did, and he’s really sorry.  Is there any way you could show him there’s no hard feelings?’_ suggested Gaius. 

Usually in the Academy, ‘No Hard Feelings,’ was communicated through letting the person who slighted him live.  That wasn’t going to work here.  He couldn’t touch or send feelings, and it seemed words hadn’t been enough.  What on earth was left?  They couldn’t just stop in the middle of their journey, light a campfire and sing songs until they were all finished with their bonding experience.  So if touch, speech and feelings were out, what did that leave?  He didn’t have anything left to use or give…

He checked his reserves.  He had some ammunition left.  But would that be seen as an insult?  Hux might give it intending it as a peace offering, and a means for Mako to continue to help without overwhelming himself, but would the knight take it as such?  Hux knew if a superior officer did that to him after a psychological break, he would take it as a sign that he was wanted out of sight, that he had failed and would be dealt with when the mission was over.  He didn’t really have anything else though.  The comms had gotten them in enough trouble and the knights found his ration bars disgusting. 

Hux sighed.  If they had been on Arkanis he would have slugged Mako in the jaw.  Then they could be even and equal with no hard feelings between them.  They weren’t on Arkanis though, and the Knights of Ren didn’t seem to think that physical violence was a good bonding exercise.  At least not violence against each other. 

 _‘You know…we can sense intent,’_ Gaius reminded Hux, seeming to restrain something in his thoughts, possibly a laugh, _‘If you don’t mean something as an insult we won’t take it as one.  We’re not really as complicated as you think we are.’_

“I’m not in your heads.  I don’t know that,” mumbled Hux, still wondering what he should do.  When units were demoralized they were half-way defeated.  If the knights faced a challenge like this they were going to be torn apart. 

He looked down at Gaius, “Could I borrow you for a moment?” 

 _‘Borrow me?’_ questioned the knight. 

Hux nodded and felt stupid.  This really wasn’t his strong suit, but it was the best use he could put himself to.  He bent down and wrapped his arm around Gaius.  The others could feel the embrace through him if they wanted, and if not they could at least see the gesture.  Hopefully it would help put them all in a better mood.  After a few moments he asked, “Is this helping at all?” 

 _‘Yeah, it does.  It’s calming them down.  Mako isn’t quite ready to be hugged yet, but he appreciates it.  And you can’t tell, but Kylo’s blushing a bit,’_ said Gaius, sounding a little better already. 

Hux snorted.  As much as Kylo teased him about being easy to fluster, it seemed it went both ways.  Though Hux still wasn’t sure what he ought to make of the Knight’s fantasies regarding him.  He didn’t know how he was going to look Kylo in the face again once the knight took his helmet off. 

 _‘He’s also starting to get kind of jealous.  Maybe let him hold onto you for a bit?’_ asked Gaius. 

It was times like these with the knights that Hux began to feel a bit like an overgrown plush toy.  It wasn’t as if he got nothing from the experience.  Once his anxiety subsided he actually enjoyed being touched and held.  He supposed it must be what comforting a child felt like.  He had never actually been around children who were significantly younger than himself.  Two or three years at the most, so he never actually had to hold or soothe a child before.  This had to be what it was like though, and it had always been talked about disparagingly.  That physical comfort was something for the weak, for those who couldn’t make themselves move forward under duress. 

But Kylo clearly wasn’t weak, he was incredibly strong.  Physically he was built far more solidly than most and with his powers he was easily the strongest person affiliated with the First Order.  The knight was also capable when it came to leading small groups of troops, though Hux found his skills and tactical abilities with large armies to be lacking.  Nevertheless, Kylo wasn’t weak, and he seemed to have no qualms with voicing and displaying how much he needed physical affection.  Whenever they were alone the knight was always finding excuses for them to be close or tangled around each other. 

Hux let go of Gaius and pulled back.  It didn’t take long before he felt a big hand settle on his waist and pull him close.  Kylo asked quietly, “Are you alright?” 

“It was just my helmet.  It can be replaced,” said Hux, “How are Mako and Hathor?” 

“Hathor’s spent and Mako’s still rattled.  They’ll be fine once they’ve had time to rest…and Mako feels bad.  He knows there’s no hard feelings, but he’s still upset about it,” replied Kylo. 

“What happened to him in there?” asked Hux. 

He felt the taller man shrug, “He let fear completely take over.  It’s something that can make us strong, but we don’t think as much as we usually would.  We don’t see, we don’t listen, we just fight until the feeling goes away.” 

“That sounds dangerous,” said Hux. 

“It is.  But it’s better than freezing up.  It’s something that Mako struggled with,” noted Kylo.  He sighed, “As awful as these tests are, they aren’t just targeting weaknesses to stop us.  If we pass, there are lessons, something that we can take away from it.  It doesn’t make me happy about this but…” 

“Gaius seems to feel the same.  He seems to think that we ought to focus on something positive to get us through this,” said Hux. 

“Good idea, Red.  Of course, what’s getting me through this is the thought of using that hot spring again when we get out,” said Eleo.  He elbowed Seigurd, “What are you gonna do when you get out?” 

“I shall meditate and reflect on the experience,” replied the older knight. 

“Ugh, boring,” muttered Eleo.  He glanced back at Mako and Hathor, “How about you two?  Any ideas.” 

“Marathon sex,” said Hathor flippantly. 

“Right, so, I’m not hanging out with you guys after this either…” grumbled Eleo, “Is anybody going to be not-meditating or doing things that grosses me out?” 

“I thought you liked sex,” said Hathor. 

“Yes, just not watching you two have sex.  There’s a difference,” said Eleo. 

“I shall do battle with any who are willing!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

“So, after the battle you want more battle?  Can’t really say I’m surprised,” muttered the Knight, “Wait, hold on.  I’ve got to take a leak.” 

Seigurd stopped dead in his tracks, “I beg your pardon?” 

“A leak?  A tinkle?  A piss?  I’ve gotta pee,” said Eleo, moving towards one of the walls. 

“You plan to urinate on the temple!?” shouted Seigurd. 

“I don’t see any toilets around, and I’ve got to go.  Either I pee on the temple or I piss my armour.  And let me take this opportunity to remind you that if I piss my armour, the six of you are going to feel it until we get out of here,” said Eleo. 

“Does anyone have some sort of container he could-” Seigurd began.  He stopped, “I sense that none of you brought anything…” 

“Right, so, wall or my armour.  Pick fast because my bladder is about to explode,” said Eleo. 

“T’would not deprive my eye of sleep should the wall be soiled thusly,” grumbled Mako, “I dare say t’would be a fitting vengeance for the trial it forced upon me.” 

“Okay, one vote for the wall,” said Eleo. 

“I’m inclined to agree,” said Hathor, “I don’t think I’d lose much sleep over it either.” 

“I’d be concerned if it meant some sort of punishment down the line,” noting Hux, looking about cautiously. 

“Look, Ren, these things have proven that they can change the shape of this place.  If it really didn’t want me to piss on it, it would have some sort of bathroom pop up,” explained Eleo.  The night paused for a moment before mumbling, “Unless these spirits are real perverts…” 

“Do not desecrate the temple,” growled Seigurd. 

“What’s that?  Mr. Do-What’s-Natural telling me to ignore my instincts?  Come on, this thing has been a dick to us, why shouldn’t I piss on it?” argued Eleo. 

“It is the resting place of several Sith masters and the residence of many spirits with the ability to-”

“Okay, I’m marking you down as ‘no.’  How about you, big guy?” asked Eleo. 

“Bwahaha!  It is funny because Seigurd Ren is angry!” laughed the large knight. 

“Okay, three ‘yes’ one ‘no.’  How about the little guy?” 

Hux turned and saw Gaius Ren flailing his arms emphatically, indicating he must have been giving some sort of quick, anxious response.  He ended his gestures by holding his hands out in front of himself, crossing and uncrossing them at the wrists repeatedly.  Eleo sighed, “One more no.  Boss?” 

“I really think this is a bad idea,” said Kylo, “As mad as I am at it, I don’t want to provoke it.” 

“Well, that’s an even split.  Your vote decides it, Red,” said Eleo. 

Hux stared at him for a moment, “…what?” 

“You’re the tactician.  Tell me where the most tactically sound place to take a leak is,” said Eleo. 

“What!?  No!  I can’t do that!” exclaimed Hux. 

“Look, either way, I’m gonna pee within the next minute,” said the knight. 

“I’m not doing that, it’s disgusting!” shouted Hux. 

“I’m just kidding Red, I was going to veto the vote either way,” said Eleo, turning towards the wall and fumbling with his armour.  He looked up at the wall, “Alright spirits, last chance to give me some other place to do this.  If you really don’t want me to pee in the halls, you better do something soon.” 

Nothing happened.  Eleo sighed, “Guess they are perverts.” 

Hux turned around to give the knight some privacy.  He sighed.  Nobody ever talked about this part of missions.  The odd, awkward part where someone had to go and everyone else had to wait.  Though after a moment or two it didn’t seem like the others were content to wait. 

“Ugh, now you’re making me need to go.  How distasteful.” 

“Priss, if you don’t want to feel me piss you’re allowed to disconnect yourself.” 

“He’s not the only one.  Move over.” 

“Ouch!  Watch where you’re stepping big guy!” 

“Apologies!  I had a mighty need!” 

“Gross, too much info…” 

“Damn, I can’t hold it either…” 

Hearing Kylo’s voice, Hux shot back, “Didn’t any of you go before you left the castle?” 

He heard armour clattering.  Turning slightly he saw Gaius and Seigurd with their hands raised.  Hux turned around again and muttered, “Of course…” 

“This will spell ruin and damnation for us all…” 

“Oh, quit whining.  Mako isn’t complaining.  Are you Mako?” 

“If it ‘were not in poorest graces I might compose a verse upon this.” 

“Seriously?  A piss-poem!  Now you have to do it.  I dare you!” 

“Could we do this later?  We do have to move out.” 

“Who do you think will be next?  It seemed E’Chon was very exuberant, but the Master of Ren showed great concern…and Eleo Ren was the first to start peeing on it.” 

“All I’m saying is, if it didn’t want to be peed on, it has ways of avoiding being peed on.  Not saying the temple’s a pervert…but the temple is a pervert.”  

“You are so next…” 

“Can it priss.” 

“Bwahaha!  Urination has brought us all together!” 

“Tis not a goodly way to phrase that, dear E’Chon.” 

“Yeah…don’t say it like that again.” 

“Hm, I see!  It is most disturbing!” 

Hux shook his head, “I can’t believe that only two of you went before we left the castle!  This is ridiculous…” 

“You can turn around, we’re pretty much done,” said Kylo. 

“I’ll wait until you’re all the way done, thanks,” muttered Hux, “I mean, really, small children know that they should go before embarking on a long trip.  For goodness sakes there’s a toilet on the shuttle you could have used!” 

“We were sort of preoccupied, Red,” said Eleo. 

Hux groaned and took a small bottle from a pouch, “I want you all to use this before you touch anything.” 

“You do bring cleaning supplies!  I knew it!” exclaimed Kylo. 

“Yes, to clean my hands or an area that’s been cut so I don’t accidentally cause an infection,” snapped Hux, “Just clean up so we can go…” 

Someone took the bottle, “It seems like it’s a step up from your pink slime, but I hope this isn’t all you use for washing.” 

“It’s a disinfectant.  I use it before giving someone with an open wound first aid,” repeated Hux. 

“Smells kinda gross…” 

“Look, if you don’t use it you’re not touching me!” snapped Hux. 

“So…you’ll let us touch you if we use the sanitizer?” asked Kylo sheepishly. 

“If you promise not to talk about this ever again I’ll give you all a bunch of kisses,” grumbled Hux. 

“…pass me that sanitizer.” 


	29. They Were Cruel, They Were Ignorant, They Were Beauty, They Were Kind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I need a hiatus. I have a few stragler fics that I didn't get to, but will post this week, but aside from that, I'm taking three weeks off. Things are...mildly insane at the moment. I'm moving in less than a month, there are a few family health scares and other things that need my attention at the moment. Something had to be put aside, and unfortunately it can't be my crappy retail job. I feel bad, but this is something I've needed to do for a while, and I hope nobody will mind too much.

Hux finished kissing each knight on the cheek before they continued their mission and couldn’t help feeling a bit like a mother sending children off to school.  The way the knights all seemed to crave personal attention baffled Hux, and the fact that they were all completely unashamed about asking for it just made the whole thing more perplexing.  Asking for intimacy was weakness, asking someone else of support, physical or verbal, meant he was lacking in self-confidence.  Hux had always heard others asking for or offering intimacy in a mocking way, never seriously. 

He wondered briefly how all of that started.  He had adored his father, and his mother, even though she hadn’t given birth to him.  He couldn’t recall them ever hurting him, though he knew they were worried about him because he was so physically weak, but Hux often heard his father say, even if he was thin and useless, he had potential.  He could grow up to be stronger, and to Hux, that made up for anything his father could have said about him to other people.  Hux had considered them close, considered his family to be normal, so when had it all…

…Hux remembered.  For a moment he remembered it all too clearly and suppressed it. 

He started as a door slammed behind him.  Turning Hux found it wasn’t a door, but a wall.  He looked ahead and found them in the strangest chamber yet. 

It was large, thankfully, but instead of a large, empty hall or corridor, they were standing in a room that appeared, frankly, like it had been lived in.  There was clutter everywhere and Hux’s first instinct was to organize all of it.  He looked about and tried to figure out what sort of room it was supposed to be.  The desk and all of the papers indicated some sort of office space.  The bed seemed to mean that somebody slept here.  There was a closet with clothes, a sort of kitchenette, a display unit for holos…all in all it seemed like a sort of cluttered apartment. 

The knights looked around. 

“So what’s this challenge?” asked Hathor, “I don’t think the spirits want us to take a break.” 

Gaius moved to the other side of the room.  He looked at the door before tugging on a series of locks, seven in total.  He held them up for everyone else to have a look.  Hux noticed that they needed keys, meaning they were a very old sort of technology. 

“I don’t suppose it will let us blast through them,” said Hux.  

Gaius moved out of the way as E’Chon stepped forward.  He swung his blade at one of the locks, only to have it bounce off, leaving the lock intact, “It is indeed hardy!” 

“Okay, so, seven locks, so there must be seven keys in here somewhere,” said Eleo, “Guess we just look for the keys then.  With eight of us looking it shouldn’t be so hard.” 

“That seems too easy,” noted Kylo. 

“A gift horse is not to be looked in the mouth,” advised Mako. 

“I agree with Mako Ren.  If this challenge is simple, perhaps we should not question it,” added Seigurd. 

“So, if I had a key, where would I leave it…” Hux wondered out loud as he and the knights began to search. 

He’d never actually owned anything with an old key like that.  Most doors had combination passwords, finger print or rental recognition or something of the like.  Hux supposed though, I it was something that he would need to keep with him throughout the day, he would want to keep it somewhere that he would remember to pick it up.  So the first place he checked was by the door.  There was a table there, so he started to go through the objects in the drawers.  He found a handful of what seemed to be coins. 

“Does anyone recognize this currency?” Hux asked. 

“Yeah,” said Eleo, looking up from the bed where he was currently pulling back the sheets, “We used those on my homeworld before it became integrated with the Republic.” 

“I didn’t realize you were from the New Republic…” Hux muttered, returning his attention back to the drawers. 

“We were a united planet…sort of.  Lots of regional differences and feuding.  We joined the New Republic when I was just a kid.  I don’t remember much of that, but it was really chaotic with everything being switched over, and while the majority of the regions were on board with it, not all of us were,” noted Eleo. 

“I wonder if it will have objects from all of our homeworlds,” said Hathor, “The spirits have had an awful lot of time to study us.” 

Hux pulled something else out of the drawer.  Rolls of cotton with strings.  He’d never seen them before.  Eleo’s eyes widened and he bounded over, snatching them from Hux and stammering, “H-hey, woah there, you can’t just hold those up for everyone to see!” 

“Why not…?” asked Hux, his brow arching. 

“You…just can’t, okay, that’s sort of private stuff…” mumbled Eleo, looking around, presumably for somewhere he might dispose of the cotton rolls. 

   *** 

_‘HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW WHAT A TAMPON IS OH MY GOD!’_

_‘Before I met you I’d never seen one before, to be honest.’_

_‘We didn’t have them on my planet.  I think women just used old rags.’_

_‘Either way…I believe this is Eleo Ren’s challenge.  This is what you get for defacing The Living Temple.’_

_‘I had to piss.  Shit, do you think this place is trying to make me feel awkward until I die of embarrassment?’_

_‘Perhaps it means to bring past and present to meet and mingle?’_

_‘Maybe…but I’ve dealt with all this.  I’m okay with who I am and who I was.  Sure it’s embarrassing and weird, but it’s not like I’d throw a mission or a fight if I had to do something girly.’_

_‘Maybe it misread your thoughts.  Either way, I say take it.  These challenges have been brutal.  We could use an easy one.’_

***  

Hux found a piece of paper in the drawer.  He lifted it, carefully, unused to words printed on paper.  He read it and grimaced, “It seems this place is leaving us hints.  Listen to this:  Relax and watch a holovid.  Finding your favorite is the key.  Is there a collection of holos in that cabinet?” 

Hathor knelt down in front of it and grinned slightly, “I remember when I saw these for the first time.  I could believe what I was seeing.  I actually found it a bit frightening.”  He opened the cabinet and his brow furrowed, “Well…this is odd…” 

Hathor reached in, pulling out a collection of cases for holovids.  He held them up and his eyes narrowed slightly, “Recognize the pictures?” 

Hux looked at the cases and scowled.  There was a picture of each of them on every case.  They were also, strangely, stylized to look like actual posters for vids.  Hux looked at his own case with more than a little contempt.  It looked like the cover of a porno, with him, shirtless, seated on a desk and looking up at several cloaked figures anxiously.   He crossed his arms as Hathor sighed, “The key is finding your favorite.  So, whoever’s challenge this is, the next hint or a key itself should be in one of these holos.” 

The knights looked at Eleo.  Hux figured they must have somehow consulted amongst themselves and determined that this was his challenge.  Eleo took a step back, “Come on, you’re all my brothers.  I shouldn’t play favorites…” 

“Mayhaps it means the genre of choice,” said Mako, looking at his own cover, “A romance, methinks?” 

“As if, poetry-brain,” scoffed Eleo, “If we’re going for genres…toss-up between porn and action.” 

Hathor opened Hux and E’Chon’s cases and inspected the drives with the holos on them, “They don’t look like they’d hold a key.  Do we have to play them?” 

“I guess.  Can you handle that machine, Priss?  Won’t set the room on fire again?” asked Eleo. 

Hathor gave the other knight a light shove, something that made them all jerk slightly, before putting the drive from E’Chon’s case into the player.  It showed a holo of…they seemed like memories.  It showed E’Chon, younger, his nose unbroken, fighting a bunch of non-humanoid beings in a cantina of some sort. 

“So…see any hints?” asked Kylo. 

“Nay!  But this is indeed amazing!” shouted E’Chon, watching himself bash a male Twi’lek over the head. 

“Wait, if these are our memories and those…” Hux said, paling slightly, “Shit…” 

“We won’t watch it if you don’t want us to,” said Kylo. 

“No, make it quick.  Let’s just watch all of them.  We’ll find the hint or the key eventually,” said Hux. 

“Hey, Red, it’s okay.  We can-” Eleo began. 

“Hathor, please just put it in,” said Hux, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’m not going to let this place get to me. I can take whatever it tries to throw at me. 

To Hux’s surprise, it wasn’t the memory he thought it was going to be.  He thought it was going to be one of his times at the Academy, with some long forgotten partner in some discreet location.  Curiously, it seemed to be a complete work of fiction.  He didn’t recall bending overtop of a ventral cannon like that.  Or wearing anything that low cut.  Or owning a thong… 

“Uh, right, so…not the one we want…” said Eleo. 

   ***  

_‘Looks like the Temple found my sexy thoughts.’_

_‘So these are your memories?’_

_‘I guess.  No other way to explain that one.  Wait, let’s leave it on a bit longer.  That’s it, go ahead babe, reach down to look through that toolbox…oh, you can’t find it, looks like you have to stay bent over a little longer…’_

_‘Stop having sex-fantasies about my boyfriend!’_

_‘Kind of hard to stop when you constantly bombard us with yours.  And what the hell was that last one with the badminton court, the cable-knit sweater and the spice rack that had nothing but nutmeg!?’_

_‘That is between me and my nutmeg!’_

***  

“Right, so, not that one,” said Hux.  He looked around the room, “You don’t need all of us to watch these videos.  Maybe some of us should keep looking while one or two of you look through those for clues.” 

“A sound course of thought,” agreed Mako, going over to the less crowded kitchenette.  He started looking through the cabinets, taking out musty cans and packages of dried foods.  Almost immediately he found another paper. 

“I’ll go help him,” said Hathor, moving over to where Mako was as the knight showed his lover the new hint he had found.  He frowned, “I’m not sure we’re the best ones to tackle this one.  Eleo, did you have a look.” 

The knight in question paused for a moment before groaning, presumably having read the note through Hathor’s eyes, “This should bring back memories.  Look, hold on over there and I’ll deal with that once I’ve watched these holos.” 

Hux began looking around the room.  If this was Eleo’s challenge it was certainly tame by comparison.  Unless there was a time limit and they would be killed if they couldn’t escape, which there didn’t seem to be any evidence of.  It just seemed annoying.  Being told to pick a favorite or work on two things at once.  They weren’t ideal, but not things that Hux could see anyone caving over.  He looked under the bed and found a datapad.  It was an older model, and after scrolling through the files they seemed to be a list of transactions and images of different machines.  The owner, presumably Eleo, had taken pictures and labeled them, showing the problems and scribbling notes of how best to go about the repairs.  There was a final one, a small spacecraft that had a problem with the capacitors.  Hux caught a glimpse of someone in the background though, a blond man in black robes.  Eleo had drawn an arrow pointing to him with the label, ‘weird douche.’ 

Hux put it aside before he noticed a noise inside it.  Popping the back open, he found a key, “I’ve got one.” 

“Where was it?” asked Seigurd. 

“Just in the back here,” said Hux.  He removed it and found a piece of paper that said, ‘Freebie.  You’ve been a good sport, Force-Null.’  He looked at Seigurd, “Could it have known that I would be the one to find it?” 

“It is a possibility.  Foresight is one of the gifts granted by a connection to the Force, though it only shows possible outcomes.  Nothing is certain,” explained Seigurd as he took the key and examined it. 

“Okay, so, six keys, and we might find another one pretty soon,” said Kylo, currently looking through a pile of pillows on a chair, “That makes things a bit easier.” 

Seigurd passed the key to Gaius, who began to fiddle with each of the locks until one of them popped open.  It dropped to the ground and a compartment popped open.  Another rolled up piece of paper tumbled onto the ground.  The small knight read it then ran it over to Hux.  The General scowled.  If the hints were less personalized he might be able to work with them.  He sighed, “The last place you want to look.” 

“Well that could be anywhere!” exclaimed Eleo, letting out a slight growl before he angrily snapped open another holo case.  His frustration was evident and unusual.  Hux could appreciate it.  This seemed to be a very personalized space, and now seven people were searching through everything.  Not only that, the list of tasks Eleo had to complete grew with each new hint that was found, and there was little Hux could do to alleviate the burden. 

He muttered to Seigurd, “You’re all connected, aren’t you?  Can’t you just go through his mind and find the answer?” 

“It would be unwise,” replied the knight. 

“How?  I thought you were all open with each other about everything,” said Hux. 

“It is true, we are open to each other.  And yet, General, if another were to look at you, you would consider it common courtesy to have them look you in the eye, to not let their own eyes wander.  It is the same principal,” explained Seigurd, “There are some thoughts that, while they are quite exposed, we would rather have them left alone.” 

“So things like which of you he likes best and a food that brings back memories would be considered off limits?” continued Hux. 

“You know, for someone who likes their privacy, Red, you’re really dense,” huffed Eleo. 

Kylo immediately stepped forward, “I know this is frustrating but you can’t talk to him like that.  He’s just trying to help you.” 

“It’s a simple concept, and one he should be able to get,” growled Eleo as he looked at the holos, “Fuck, I don’t even know if I have a favorite…” 

“Seigurd, perhaps?  You’ve known him longest,” offered Hathor. 

“Not the point Priss!  I’m not supposed to have a god damned favorite.  I’m not like you and poetry-brains over there.  If I was in love with one of you that’d be one thing, but you’re all supposed to be the same in my head,” grumbled Eleo. 

Hux caught on.  It wasn’t that Eleo didn’t know the answers, it was that he didn’t want to know the answers.  Hux tried to think.  Even if they didn’t consult with Eleo and just tore the room apart looking for keys, the knight would be forced to confront several realities he didn’t want to deal with.  Any one of them might not have been insurmountable, but six would feel overwhelming, as well as the uncertainty as to what four of them might be.  It was like a death by a thousand cuts.  One little cut might not even make a person flinch, but several all at once would be too much to handle. 

Hux crossed his arms and ground his teeth.  Instead of severing the knight’s connection, this spirit had managed to find a weakness in the knights having it.  A way for all of them to get on each other’s nerves to a point where they would start to become frustrated and angry with each other. 

Hathor sighed before asking calmly, “Then what do you want us to do Eleo?  Stop trying to help?” 

“For all the help you can even be right now,” growled the knight, “Why don’t you just stay out of the way for a while.” 

Hathor’s eyes narrowed, “I’m going to ignore the way you said that and focus on that sliver of concern you sent my way…” 

“Sorry I’m not in the mood for being mister cuddles and niceness,” said Eleo, rolling his eyes. 

“Perhaps what he says rings with a shred of truth, brother of my heart” said Mako, removing his helm, “If we cannot assist, we should rest our minds and limbs, should our help be required in a challenge beyond the one at hand.” 

Hathor sighed, “You’re right, love.  We could use a rest.” 

E’Chon took over in the kitchen, looking over the rations as Kylo continued to dig between the cushions of the couch aimlessly.  Eleo sighed as he looked over the holos, still trying to figure out which knight was his favorite and not really wanting to know.  Hux supposed he could sympathize.  As a leader he wasn’t really supposed to have favorites.  At least, that was the ideal situation.  In truth, he did have some members of his crew that he had a personal preference for.  He supposed if he was ever confronted on it he wouldn’t want to say, mostly for the purposes of keeping harmony within the group. 

But while Hux found himself more concerned with the fallout of the drama, Eleo seemed to be more concerned with the hurt feelings.  At least, that was what Hux figured was happening, if he had to guess. 

It seemed the knight wanted them all to stay out of this, let him go through things at his own pace.  If that was the case, it meant sitting on his hands again.  Hux didn’t really want to, but the more hints they found, the more pressure they put on Eleo to confront them all as quickly as possible so they could move on. 

“Come sit with us, dear, there’s no sense in standing there doing nothing.  At least take a rest,” sighed Hathor, gesturing for him to move towards the bed. 

Hux supposed there was an advantage to it.  The knights had noted that his presence, just being close to him calmed them down for some reason.  Perhaps if he did this then Eleo might manage to get himself into a better headspace.  He sat on the end of the bed and tried to adjust to the idea of lying between a pair of lovers.  When it was the whole group it didn’t feel so strange, but with just three of them he felt like his presence was a bit unnecessary. 

Mako didn’t join them.  It seemed like he still needed quite a bit of space.  Hathor on the other hand looked like he might start to drift off.  Hux had no idea how the Force worked, or that if it was used too much it could be tiring, or how that concept even worked, but Hathor was content to use his shoulder as a pillow while he rested.  The knight dragged a hand through Hux’s hair, “It’s a shame your collective doesn’t let you grow it out.” 

Hux shivered slightly at the touch and thought he would look silly with long hair.  Almost as silly as E’Chon not finding anything to open a can of food and deciding just to bite through it instead.  Gaius was presumably calling for him to stop or not hurt his teeth while the big knight laughed and spat a chunk of metal into the sink.  The small knight palmed his forehead and audibly sighed as E’Chon drank down the contents of the can. 

Eleo popped in another holo and growled as it produced a key.  He turned and looked at Seigurd.  Hux couldn’t hear the mental conversation that followed, but judging from the way Hathor’s jaw tightened, it couldn’t have been anything good.  Hux shifted slightly.  Eleo wasn’t usually like this.  Of all the knights, he seemed the most difficult to irritate.  Normally he was always amiable, a touch crass and rough around the edges, but he and Gaius seemed the most grounded out of the seven knights. 

Hux looked at his time keeper and furrowed his brow.  That didn’t seem right.  He had checked the time before their challenge started and knew that they hadn’t been in the temple for as long as the time stamp was saying.  He stared at it as realization hit him.  He waited, watching the time piece as he set a timer of a couple of minutes.  Watching the seconds tick by, it seemed that time was counted down, but the actual time of day didn’t change at all.  Hux reset the device and the time.  It ought to have sought out the correct time from the nearest satellite and automatically set itself to the proper time.  It didn’t.  It set itself to the time that it had been when he first noticed something amiss. 

“Kylo,” Hux called over softly, jerking his head and trying not to disturb Hathor, who had fallen asleep. 

The knight looked over and joined him by the bed, leaning over him, “What’s wrong?” 

Hux sighed before holding up his wrist, “Can this place warp time?” 

Hux couldn’t tell if the knight had looked at the time piece with his mask obscuring his eyes.  Kylo continued, “What do you mean?” 

Hux held his arm out more insistently, “It’s four in the morning, standard time, and it has been four in the morning for the last five minutes.” 

Kylo’s head lowered as he looked at the time stamp, then looked back at Hux, “You’re joking.” 

“I’m not.  The damned temple has trapped us at four in the morning,” whispered Hux. 

Kylo glanced over at Eleo, “That…explains a lot actually.” 


	30. They Were Cruel, They Were Ignorant, They Were Beauty, They Were Kind Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is basically an 'I'm not dead' update. Hiatus went longer than expected, and I'm starting a new job. I'm probably going to skip next week so I can get used to Japan again, get myself moved in and figure out my new position. But hopefully in two weeks we can get back to weekly updates and shenanigans. :)

Hux stared down at his time piece and wondered what on earth this lesson was supposed to be.  Mako and Gaius were forced to harness their weaknesses or die trying.  Hathor had been forced to confront a possibility he tried not to think of.  Seigurd had to realize that completely abandoning everything to follow passions was just going to get him killed.  They were good lessons, Hux had to admit.  They were incredibly harsh, and he wasn’t sure if the knowledge that the knights took away from the experience was worth the pain, but it wasn’t pointless.  There was an object to each challenge. 

He wondered, if he could figure out what the spirits were trying to teach Eleo, perhaps it might be easier to bear.  It had something to do with irritating him, a lot.  If Eleo had some sort of problem with his temper, Hux had never noticed.  He thought of the holo covers.  Strategically the spirit might be trying to create a rift between the knights, but in terms of the challenge, perhaps it had something to do with their connection.  If Eleo was somehow dependent on it, that would explain why the spirit might try to make it uncomfortable instead of an instrument of solace. 

Thinking back to what Seigurd said, there was another possibility.  The knights could see and feel everything, but as a common courtesy they tried to avoid looking at anything unpleasant.  At first Hux had thought that meant things that would create disorder and disunity among them.  That didn’t seem to be the case though.  Hux supposed any drama between them would be solved before it started since the knights could sense each other’s emotions and the intent of their actions.  Drama caused by misunderstandings simply wasn’t able to exist.  But there were things Hux knew he didn’t want others looking at.  Partly because he was ashamed of them and partly because they did something to his mind when he revisited those thoughts.  And if he revisited them under high-stress circumstances…

Hux looked over at Hathor, “I think we should tear the room apart.” 

Hathor opened his eyes groggily, “Hm?” 

“We need to tear the room apart.  Forget the hints.  Let’s just find the keys and get out,” said Hux. 

“I’m not in your head, dear.  You need to explain,” said Hathor, about to rub at his eyes before stopping himself.  He flicked a finger over his eyelids, just above where his lines had been drawn. 

“I think I’ve figured out what it might be trying to do.  Is Eleo...did something happen to him.  Something that if he revisits will trigger a panic-attack or depression.  Anything like that?” asked Hux. 

“If we sense a lot of pain in a memory, we try to back off.  And it’s not as if anyone would keep something like that easily readable on the surface,” explained Hathor, “There could be.  It wouldn’t surprise me if there was.” 

“Why do you say that?” asked Hux. 

“My own upbringing, while I was raised on a lie, was comfortable.  I had my family, I lived a privileged life, as did Mako, and even Kylo.  Eleo…he mostly raised himself.  He had to go through a lot all on his own, and it shows.  Even though Kylo is the newest, Eleo’s always been-”

“Always been what?” snapped the knight in question, now going through the cabinets. 

Hathor’s eyes narrowed.  He was visibly trying to keep his temper under control.  The knight from Atem spoke in a hash, clipped fashion, “We don’t keep secrets from each other.  You’ve always had trouble adjusting to the group dynamic.  You worry a lot about what we’ll think of you and about disappointing.” 

“Gee, I wonder why that is, Priss?  I can’t think of a single reason just being myself could have ever caused someone to get pissed off at me in the past,” growled Eleo before disappearing into the cabinet again. 

“Look, if we tear the room apart, we should be able to find the keys.  We don’t have to do all of this,” said Hux. 

“Under normal circumstances I’d agree,” said Kylo, “But this place has already shown that it can manipulate spaces, technology and even the time of day within the Temple.  It’s going to make us do every challenge the way it wants us to.  I don’t think it’s going to let us try to work around it.”  He paused for a moment, “How’s your head?” 

“Fine,” said Hux, “I told you, the blade only cut into the-”

“I don’t mean that, I meant…that voice,” replied Kylo, “Even among Force-Users, suddenly hearing voices isn’t a good thing.  Is something going on?” 

“I don’t know, I just hear it sometimes.  It’s been going on for a while…it started after I met all of you.  I just assumed it was some residual effect from being around so many people who can manipulate thoughts,” explained Hux. 

 _‘Why didn’t you say something?’_ asked Gaius, tapping Hux’s boot, _‘We could have helped.  Especially if it’s Force-related.’_

“It’s nothing to do with the Force.  I believe it’s something the ves…General Vessel must come to terms with on his own,” said Seigurd.  The knight had settled himself in a corner in a meditative posture. 

“Is this the only time it’s happened?” asked Kylo quietly. 

“I think so…” Hux looked up at Kylo, “I’m not going insane.  I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for all of this.” 

Eleo growled and threw a can that was half full of something brown and chunky at the wall.  His hand was covered in it as he slammed a key down on the counter.  He was clearly on edge, breathing hard and looking like he was ready to snap at the next person who spoke or moved.  This would usually be the point at which Hux would tell him to go cool off, and possibly report for reconditioning if a person’s mood was foul enough, but Eleo wasn’t part of his crew. 

“Well, that was something I wanted to deal with today!” growled the knight, kicking the cabinet closed so forcefully that the door cracked down the middle, “What’s fucking next?” 

“You need to calm down,” said Kylo. 

“That’s rich coming from you.  You destroy everything within a five foot radius every time something doesn’t go exactly the way you want it to!” snapped Eleo. 

“You’re going too far, calm yourself,” said Seigurd. 

“Hi pot, my name’s kettle.  Guess what?  You’re black!” snarled Eleo, “What’s next?  Last place I want to look?  Great, just great…wonder what the hell that’s going to be…” 

Hux shrugged Mako off of his other shoulder carefully and tried not to wake the knight.  If Eleo found the next key and didn’t have something to look for he was just going to get angrier.  Even if it was something he didn’t like, it was better to have something to focus on than to stew in anger until he blew up.  Hux got up and started looking around.  He started with a closet and furrowed his brow.  It was full of robes, colourful ones.  He’d never seen clothing from this culture before. 

“Would you just sit down and stop touching things!?” shouted Eleo, causing Hux to start. 

“That’s enough!” snapped Kylo, “I’m not going to let you talk to him that way!” 

“Oh, are you going to cut me up with that lightsaber too!?” demanded Eleo, “Go ahead!  I really don’t give a fuck anymore!” 

Gaius had taken the key, and trying to stay out of the way, removed another one of the locks.  He took the paper and pocketed it.  Looking over at E’Chon.  The big knight continued to watch.  Hux couldn’t see his face, but if he had to guess, the big knight seemed concerned and curious with his fellow knight’s behaviour.  Eleo stomped over to the closet looking around and shouting, presumably at the temple, “I don’t care about this!  You know I don’t!  Is this where you think the last place I want to look is!?  I’m fucking over this!” 

He growled and started ripping the clothes out of the closet, revealing a cluster of boxes at the back of the closet.  Eleo clenched his fists.  Through the corner of his eye Hux saw that the boxes had been destroyed, kicked in, torn open, the contents either stolen or rifled through and spilled out on the closet floor.  The knight got down on his knees and started looking through them, “I don’t need this…fuck I don’t need this right now…” 

While he was looking through the closet, Gaius quickly moved over to Hux and handed him the clue that he had found.  Hux read it and clenched his jaw.  He had a good idea of what was going on now.  He looked over the clue, “Proof that they never understood.”

There was obviously a ‘they’ involved, which could have either been the knights or somebody Eleo had known before he joined the Order of Ren.  Hux couldn’t sense the Force, not a mite of it, but he could read a room.  If it had been the knights there would be less concern and more of something else.  Shame or regret, even anger.  The knights seemed to be doing what they could to give Eleo as much space as they could, but it was a small room.  There was no way to get around physically being in the way.  And as for their headspace, if the knights were trying to do something to keep their brother calm, it wasn’t working.  For whatever reason it seemed to be making what was going on worse. 

So there was someone in the past who had done something to Eleo.  If he had to guess from what Hathor had told him, family and feelings of abandonment were involved.  Hux sat on the corner of the bed, trying to make sense of everything.  There was something about picking a favorite, a food that made him angry, a pile of boxes that had been rifled through at the bottom of a closet and someone, presumably a family, not understanding. 

It would have been enough to drive anyone to the point of anger, being forced to confront all of it. 

   *** 

_‘You need to stop.’_

_‘Can it, I’m busy.’_

_‘I know this is hurting you, but you can’t act like this.  The General was only trying to-’_

_‘I don’t care!’_

_‘He doesn’t understand.  He can’t feel what you’re feeling.  Maybe you could tell him.  If you explained everything-’_

_‘What happened to not trying to dredge up that sort of thing!?  You don’t see me asking you to tell him all about the arena!’_

_‘But I did tell him.  He can’t feel these things.  If you want him to understand you have to talk to him.’_

_‘And then what!?  Tell him about all this shit and then what!?  You know how he feels about weakness!  Hell, I know how all of you feel about weakness…’_

_‘We are compatriots!  We support our brothers!  Weaknesses of one may be countered with the strength of another!  If this cannot be conveyed through words I shall-’_

_‘E’Chon, honey, back off.  Now isn’t the time.’_

_‘Fuck just…fuck I don’t want to do this…’_

_‘We send the pleasing thoughts we can to stay the pain.  Tell us what we may do to make this task a fairer one.’_

_‘Just…just leave me alone.  I don’t want you guys seeing me like this.  I just want to be alone and get over this so I never have to look at it again.’_

_‘We know.  Mako and I know about-’_

_‘No!  No you don’t know!  Your parents wanted you!  Up until the point you joined the Knights of Ren they supported everything you did and everything you were!  You don’t get it…you don’t know what it’s like.’_

_‘Then why won’t you show us?’_

_‘Because…shit…leave me alone.’_

_‘Because…you don’t want it to happen again.’_

   ***  

Eleo threw the key across the room with such force it lodged itself in the wall.  Hux edged back slightly, not used to this sort of behaviour from Eleo.  Kylo still threw the occasional tantrum if a mission or objective went completely, irreversibly wrong, but Eleo didn’t do this.  Eleo was always so calm and understanding.  It was shocking.  Hux actually felt his heart start racing.  The knight wrenched off his helmet and he wore an expression that Hux had never seen on another person before. 

His eyes were red-rimmed, but not with fatigue.  His teeth were clenched and his usually swarthy skin was several shades paler than it normally was.  His eyes were narrowed as he ran a hand through his hair to get it away from his eyes.  He glared around the room, “I don’t want anyone inside my head until we get out of this hellhole.  Got it?” 

The closest Hux had ever seen anyone get to that expression were his instructors.  It wasn’t uncommon for them to scream at cadets and berate them, but after a while Hux had become numb to it.  It was their job to act that way and Hux stopped caring about what they had to say after a while.  This was different.  This wasn’t how Eleo acted.  He wanted to do something to fix this, to bring the knight back to his usual calm, but he didn’t know how.  He was…concerned.  He was worried for another person.  Hux knew it had happened before, and he certainly didn’t wish harm on any of his loyal subordinates or the knights, but he couldn’t remember a time he had been so invested in someone else’s wellbeing…

…and then he could remember.  He instantly pushed the thought from his mind. 

Seigurd got up, calmly crossing the room and taking up the fifth key.  He found the lock on the second try and retrieved the paper.  He smoothed it out on the counter as he said, “I recently learned that darkness must be harnessed and controlled.  Let the anger flow through you, it must be allowed to take its proper course and quit you.”  

“Right, more lectures, just what we all need,” said Eleo.  He looked at Hux, “You’ve got the next clue right?  Hand it over.” 

“I don’t think I should give it to you until you’ve calmed down,” said Hux, forcing all emotion from his expression and voice. 

“Dammit, Red, we’re on a timer!” shouted Eleo. 

“Eleo, we’ve been here for hours.  It’s too late to try to prevent it from seeing anything vital.  There’s no time penalty to worry about, nobody’s in mortal danger, so if you need time, take it,” said Hux.  He thought about fixing himself like a massive boulder.  No feelings, unmovable, letting whatever the knight felt wash over him, “If you rush yourself through this you’ll get angrier and whatever you’re dealing with will become more difficult to confront because of it.  That’s what this place wants you to do.” 

“And I should listen to you?  The master of confronting difficult feelings?  You’re about as accurate as that as your Stormtroopers are at hitting a target,” said Eleo in a low voice. 

Hux let the words flow off of him, the way he had learned to at the Academy.  Someone else didn’t though.  Hux heard a clatter and saw E’Chon of all people gripping Kylo across the chest to stop his advance.  The Master of the Knights of Ren snarled, “You’re out of line!” 

“That is it!” shouted Hathor, stamping over to Kylo.  He pointed to the corner where Seigurd had been meditating, “You sit over there!  Gaius, on the bed with Mako!  E’Chon, sit by the door!  Seigurd…you’ve been bizarrely well behaved, you just keep standing there…” 

Seigurd gave an impassive shrug. 

“We’re going to sit and be quiet and let Eleo do what he needs to!  Nobody talks to each other, nobody touches each other, nobody communes with Eleo until he tells us to!  Are we all clear!?” demanded Hathor.  He turned to Eleo, “I’ve seen enough of your head to know this is hard, but he doesn’t deserve that, and neither do we.” 

“Is that what Mr. Sun taught you at priest-school?” asked Eleo. 

Hathor glared before turning on his heel. 

Hux could see instant regret on Eleo’s face as soon as the words left his mouth.  Now Hux really had no idea what to do.  Usually if someone fought, it could be stopped instantly by someone of a higher rank telling them to stop.  If they didn’t they were punished.  That wasn’t how things between the knights seemed to work though.  It was disorganized and chaotic and didn’t seem to be solving anything.  He could feel tension flowing through the room.  It seemed as if the knights might start to tear each other apart if one of them made a wrong move. 

Mako watched after Hathor, who retreated to another end of the room to pace.  His foul mood immediately spilled over to Mako, who seemed to be glaring at Eleo from behind his checked mask.  Kylo was still furious, but he had gone to his corner as instructed.  Gaius didn’t retreat to the bed, and was holding E’Chon’s hand, presumably holding him back.  The only one who seemed anywhere near calm and rational was Seigurd.  Hux had expected him to be elated by all the anger and tension in the room, but he didn’t seem to be enjoying it at all. 

Eleo returned to reading the clues, and now that Hux could see his face it was easy to see how much the various objects in the room disheartened him.  If the temple had constructed this room specifically to bring back bad memories, it was working.  Hux supposed Eleo could brush off a few of those, but this place had so many, too many for even the most calm and collected person to carry on without a second thought.  He supposed if this had been his challenge, if he had to confront something like this with all the knights watching him, he would be able to last. 

He didn’t like the idea of sitting around though, he never had.  But with everyone so tense and not being able to simply command them to set their feelings and squabbling aside, he didn’t feel like there was anything that he could do.  The others had their masks on, he couldn’t see their expressions, but Hux could see Eleo very clearly, and he looked ready to lose his mind.  It only seemed to get worse whenever he opened a cabinet or drawer and saw more items from a past life that he didn’t want to revisit. 

Hux stood up again and crossed into the kitchen.  Eleo immediately snapped at him, “Just sit down!” 

“I’m checking to see if the tap works.  I’m getting some water,” said Hux, setting his face like stone again. 

“Fine, whatever just…stay out of the way…” said the knight. 

Hux checked the faucet, running his wrist under it to check the temperature.  It seemed to be save enough.  He sniffed at it, getting the faint scent of minerals that instantly reminded him of the bath water.  He wondered briefly if there was some sort of water source the temple was tapped into, or if the spirits somehow conjured it.  He had no idea if the Force was even capable of that, it seemed capable of so many things he couldn’t begin to understand. 

It stood to reason though that if the temple was supplying them with running water, than there must have been some sort of power source to run the lights and appliances in the room.  By that logic, every machine in the room ought to work.  Unfortunately, it also stood to reason that every whirr, hum and alarm of the machine, or taste and smell of food could bring back some uncomfortable memory, needling the knight even further. 

He checked through his own rations.  He had a few things, mostly foul tasting, nutrient and vitamin rich, vacuum sealed things that were meant only to keep a person full and functioning.  Hux was quite certain though, that Eleo hadn’t tasted anything like them before, so in a way, they might have been safer… 

   *** 

_‘What’s he doing?’_

_‘I know not Gaius Ren, the Ves- General doesn’t permit me inside his mind often.’_

_‘I do not like this sitting!  I thought there would be more battle!’_

_‘You didn’t get enough battle during the last challenge?’_

_‘Master of Ren, there is never enough battle!’_

_‘Of course there’s not…’_

_‘Hathor…you could feel that he didn’t mean it, right?  You know he’s just-’_

_‘I’m aware, but it’s like when someone brings up what happened to you…I just need a moment.  I don’t want to hear from him right now…’_

_‘Brother of my heart if you would wish for me to-’_

_‘I don’t need anything love…I just want to be alone for a moment.’_

_‘What’s that smell?  I don’t know what that is.’_

_‘I’ve smelled it before in the mess hall on the Finalizer.  I don’t know exactly what it is though.’_

_‘As long as it is not one of those foul ‘ration bars’ of his, I will permit it.’_

*** 

Hux didn’t know what sort of cups to use.  Everything in this room was designed to be some sort of emotional trigger.  It was something Hux had never considered before.  Of course there were items, scents, foods, or even turns of phrase that brought back unwanted or embarrassing memories.  Everyone had those.  But he had always been encouraged to either ignore them or submit himself for reconditioning if he couldn’t control himself.  The reconditioning process was a surprisingly quick, if unpleasant process.  A person was bombarded with stimuli until sensory overload was achieved.  Combined with a regimen of injections, a person’s mind could be cleared by force and then slowly rebuilt with the desired information.  Everything would return, there didn’t seem to be a way to completely eliminate unwanted thoughts, feelings or memories, they could only be supressed.  Like rearranging a pile of paper, placing wanted ones at the top and unwanted at the bottom.  Everything was still there, but it was much less accessible. 

He honestly couldn’t understand why, when the technology was available, that anyone would choose to live with that pain.  If it hurt, if it festered, if it rendered a person unable to work, why not just get rid of it?  Hux recalled going through the procedure himself once or twice.  No, twice, it had definitely been twice.  Once a few months after entering Arkanis Academy.  It was recommended that all new recruits undergo it, as they would be ordering subordinates to submit themselves if they achieved a high rank.  As such, they needed an intimate understanding of the process.  Or, that was the excuse they gave.  Hux recalled after his first bout of reconditioning the First Order had suddenly climbed by leaps and bounds in his mind’s priorities.  It had always been high, but right after the procedure it had been at the forefront of his mind. 

His second time…Hux couldn’t remember why he had gone, and that was really the whole point.  He recalled being…sad.  Sadder than he had ever been in his life.  It had been unbearable.  He couldn’t eat or sleep, his grades dropped sharply.  He recalled an instructor taking him aside, _‘You’re a bright boy.  You’re beginning to show a lot of promise, so I really think this is for the best.  It’s for depression, which is minor compared to other things, so it won’t be held against you in your career as an officer.  It’s just to help get you back on track.  It’s also for the best if you submit yourself instead of under orders, it looks better in the records that way.’_

Depression was a minor reason.  Especially compared with aggression, empathy and post-traumatic stress, things that could really hold him back.  Hux had submitted himself, filled out all the forms, and whatever it was that had caused his depression, he couldn’t remember what it was anymore, and he had been functioning just fine ever since. 

He wondered why Eleo didn’t just do that.  If these things were so painful, why not just push them into a corner of his mind and never think about them again?  Hux wondered if that was even a possibility for the knights of Ren.  It was possible that in all of their sharing and constantly probing each other’s thoughts, something like reconditioning would be completely ineffective.  Whatever the case, Eleo seemed to have never used reconditioning, and made no mention of a desire for it.  Hux also had a hard time understanding it.  The knight always seemed so at ease with everyone and everything.  He hadn’t thought that Eleo was even capable of being like this. 

Hux finished what he was doing and slid the cup down the counter.  Eleo looked at the cup, then over at Hux sharply before rounding on the cup again, “The hell is this?” 

“Caf,” said Hux bluntly. 

Eleo picked it up and inspected it, sniffing before grimacing at the scent, “Smells like shit.” 

“No, shit smells like shit, that’s caf,” insisted Hux, “The Temple seems to have warped time within this space so it’s frozen at four in the morning.  Drink your caf.” 

Eleo looked at Hux, his expression softening, if only slightly.  He took a sip and coughed, “Ugh…This is really shitty caf, Red.” 

“Well, it’s all I have.  There’s caffeine in it, so it should do its job no matter what it tastes like,” replied Hux. 

Eleo sighed and downed the rest as if it were a cup of medicine with an awful taste.  He stuck his tongue out, as if doing so would get rid of the taste somehow.  Hux also couldn’t help noticing the other knights shuddering, and Mako actually covering his mouth.  Hux furrowed his brow, “It’s not that bad.  I drink this all the time.” 

“Yes, yes it is that bad,” said Kylo wrapping an arm around Hux from behind, “Never make that again.  Ever.” 

“Gotta agree with the Boss, Red, this stuff is nasty…” said Eleo. 

“But it worked?” asked Hux. 

“Yeah, it worked…” said Eleo.  He looked over at the bed, “Hey…Hathor, I, uh…” 

The other knight extended his arm with an elegant flourish, holding his middle finger aloft as he looked away with a huff.  Eleo sighed, “Okay, that’s fair, I was a dick and I deserve that…” 

“Verily,” growled Mako, crossing his arms. 

“I have been a massive dick, and I shouldn’t have taken any of this out on you guys,” said Eleo, “I’m okay…if you guys want, I think I’m good to join again.” 

“Can I ask…what exactly this all is?” asked Hux, looking around the room. 

Eleo sighed, “Go grab a seat, it’s a long story.” 


	31. They Were Cruel, They Were Ignorant, They Were Beauty, They Were Kind Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm all moved into my new apartment in Japan! I live on site at the resort I work at (not Disney or Universal, unfortunately) and I work full time, but I'm going to aim for weekly updates! If there is any deviation from this, like needing to take a week off because of a big workload or personal reasons, I will post about it on my twitter and tumblr. You can find me on either as Anorlost.

“When I was little my parents split up.  With you being from Arkanis that’s probably really shocking, but it was fairly common where I’m from.  Most times it happens and everyone just goes on their way.  Marriage is a sort of transaction, and when the transaction’s done, there’s no need for both parties to stick around if they hate each other and there’s no symbolic need to stay together.  It’s just not a big deal on my homeworld,” explained Eleo, “I had three sisters.  Before my parents moved apart they asked us which of them we would rather live with.  They didn’t say ‘pick a favorite’ but that’s what if felt like, and it’s how I always thought of it.  I didn’t want to, but I had to live with someone, so me and one of my sisters picked my mom.” 

Eleo moved to the drawer beside the bed and began sorting through it, removing items Hux had never seen before, but they reminded him of tools.  Eleo kept emptying it out as he continued, “Now, my homeworld might have been okay with divorce, but our gender roles were pretty strict.  If you wanted to do something on the other side of the divide, tough luck.  You kept it to yourself.” 

He drew a little chest out and opened it, grimacing and closing the lid before sitting down and shoving the box away from himself.  He shook his head.  He looked around at the other knights, more than likely having a silent conversation with all of them.  He looked at Hux, “Look, Red, I’m…I wasn’t always a guy.  Physically anyways.”

Hux gave a nod.  Eleo arched his brow, “You’re…not going to freak out?”

“No,” said Hux, arching his brow slightly, “Should I?” 

“I dunno, usually people go like, ‘Whoa!’ or, ‘What!?’ or act really grossed out,” said Eleo, taken aback by how calm Hux was. 

“I have eighty-thousand men and women under my command.  You’re hardly the first person I’ve met who’s transitioned.  And The First Order might recognize sex, but there really isn’t a gender divide.  If I might say this frankly, and I mean it in the nicest possible way, when it comes to gender, I don’t care,” replied Hux. 

Eleo blinked, “You don’t care.” 

Hux shifted, slightly uncomfortable, “Well it sounds rather heartless when you say it like that.” 

“No, I get what you meant, I guess I should have realized sooner,” said Eleo.  He stared at Hux with some shock, “I’m really not the first you met?” 

“No.  Some of them even transitioned on the _Finalizer_.  I find out sometimes if I’m the only one available to sign off on official changes to documents.  I was surprised the first few times, I didn’t know it was something that people did, but after the third or fourth time it was just another thing that needed a signature,” said Hux with another shrug.  He’d never talked to anyone about it though.  To Hux it was just another form that appeared in his messages that required a signature for authorization.  He knew of plenty of people, he could recall their names, but he’d never actually discussed it with anyone. 

“Well…I guess that’s one less thing to worry about.  I seriously thought you would freak out,” said Eleo, “I mean, these guys get it because they’re in my head.  They know exactly how it is, but on the outside, I can never tell how people are going to react and…” 

The knight shoved the box further away from him on the floor, “At first I didn’t know.  I just thought I was into guy things.  I snuck out wearing guy’s clothes, learned what I could about machines.  At first I thought I had a chip on my shoulder because people kept telling me I couldn’t do things that I was really into.  Then, after a few days of wearing men’s clothes…I dunno, it just clicked.  It felt better.  I felt like me.  Then…mom found where I hid everything…” 

Hux looked at the closet with all of the boxes that had been demolished.  He didn’t need to be told what happened. 

“She thought it was just dressing up too, but she wanted it to stop.  She thought getting rid of it all would turn me into what she wanted me to be.  After a while I told her and…she kicked me out,” said Eleo.  He sighed, “Dad didn’t want me either…I’d probably still be on the streets if I hadn’t found an apprenticeship.” 

Hux had no idea what to say, but Eleo continued, “So I tend to freak out, you know?  I had a family, and I thought they’d stick with me no matter what, and then they didn’t.  So when I don’t quite fall in line with everyone else, it gets me worried.  Because if I’m not exactly on the same page as everyone else, if I’m not acting the way they expect…it happened once.  Who says it can’t happen again?” 

The knight looked around, “And I know that’s kind of a dick thing to say and think, but I’m sure you’re all aware that it’s me, not you.” 

Hux looked around, “So everything in this room…” 

“A lot of it has stuff from my mom’s place…a lot of stuff from times we fought.  That can of sludge?  It's something we ate one of the first times we fought.  I can't look at it or taste it without thinking about it.  It’s not the transition, I mean, that’s years of my life that I’m never getting back, and it sucks, but…that kind of betrayal sticks with you,” said the knight, “And I could deal with maybe one or two of these things, but seeing it all again is…”  He shook his head, “Thanks for the caf, Red, I should have taken a second to cool off.” 

“I just…can’t understand what the spirits want you to learn from this,” said Hux. 

“Trust isn’t exactly one of the highest values of a Sith, admittedly the dark is notorious for backstabbing.  Like Mako Ren’s discomfort in tight spaces, it’s a situation that may repeat itself.  Fear is necessary, but living in constant fear of that situation and letting that fear choke out focus or clarity is counterintuitive,” noted Seigurd, “Also, the Knights of Ren are not Sith despite our alignment, and we are encouraged to trust each other.  Our connection won’t function properly otherwise.” 

“Wait… _you’re_ not Sith!?” asked Hux, raising his voice much louder than he intended. 

“Seriously?  That’s the part that freaks you out?” said Eleo. 

The knights all turned to Kylo, giving him an irate look.  The knight groaned from behind his mask and grumbled, “It never came up, alright?” 

Eleo shook his head and opened the box, “Well, here’s number five.  This was…she thought getting me a fiancé might straighten me out.  Literally.  A fancy key is a proposal gift where I’m from.  Like, it’s the ‘key to someone’s heart’ or some dumb shit like that.” 

Gaius took it and unlocked another door.  A bit of paper came out.  He looked over at Eleo and the other knight sighed, “I’m fine now.  I’ve cooled down.  Let’s find those last two and kick this place’s ass.  Or…” 

The knight brought his cup to the sink and looked about before exclaiming, “Maybe I’ll fill up my bladder and take a good long piss all over your walls you pervy temple!” 

“Do not urinate on the temple!” snapped Seigurd, “That is what incurred its wrath in the first place!” 

“Right, so, do you want our help, or not?” asked Hux, looking about at possible hiding places for keys in the room. 

“Look, as much as I appreciate the help, every time you open up a drawer or closet or pack of tampons, it brings back bad memories, so if I need you, I’ll tell you, but until then, you should maybe sit this one out.  I know you hate it, but I’d really rather you didn’t go and open anything suddenly again,” replied Eleo. 

Hux cocked his head, “What’s a tampon?” 

“Last one to say ‘not it’ has to explain!  Not it!” called Eleo. 

“Not it!” 

“Not it!” 

“Not it!” 

“Not it!” 

Gaius flailed his arms in an ‘x’ pattern repeatedly over his chest. 

Seigurd looked around the room before grumbling, “You are all children.” 

“Well, guess you’re getting the story from grandpa.  Have fun,” said Eleo. 

Seigurd moved towards Hux cautiously.  The austere knight was being oddly hesitant.  Usually he would march straight up to whever he wanted to speak with and say whatever was on his mind.  He began slowly, “Well…ves…General…you are aware that when a male and female come together…with the help of the Force…you see there is this mystical cabbage patch where-”

Hux arched his brow.  Was Seigurd…seriously trying to talk to him about…? 

“I know about sex,” said Hux bluntly. 

“Ah, yes, of course.  Well, you see, a female has a certain…cycle where…” Seigurd continued. 

“Menstruation,” said Hux, just as bluntly as before. 

“Yes, precisely.  So…when the cycle occurs, on some planets, females use a…tampon…to…” the knight explained. 

“Oh, like a sanitary pad.  I see,” said Hux, not bothered in the slightest, “Did I find one?  Was it that cotton thing?  I thought those were ear plugs.” 

Eleo, who had been digging through another cabinet, burst out laughing.  He fell to his knees and covered his eyes with a hand as he caught his breath, “Earplugs!?  Seriously!?” 

Hux crossed his arms, “Well that’s what they look like…” 

“Right…heh…I’ve only got one key left.  What was the hint, by the way?” asked Eleo, “Guess I should have checked that first…” 

Eleo became slightly more rigid, defensive as Gaius hesitantly passed him the paper.  Eleo looked over it and sighed, chewing at his lower lip slightly.  He closed his eyes, “This place really doesn’t pull its punches…” 

Hux couldn’t help but notice the knights looking at each other in confusion.  Kylo looked at Eleo, “Did you just cut yourself off again. 

“The last one’s not a hint, its instructions,” groaned Eleo, “Red…this is probably going to freak you out a lot…”

Hux arched his brow as the knight approached, “What’s going on?” 

“Just…try not to hate me, okay?” said Eleo. 

Without warning Hux found himself being pulled down by his shoulders and locking lips with the shorter knight.  For a moment nothing really registered in his mind, he was too shocked to think.  The first thing that Hux did notice as his senses returned was Kylo yelling, a lot.  Then something inside his mouth, something solid and heavy.  Unnerved by the sudden feeling, Hux spat the thing out.  The final key clattered to the floor. 

Holding his hands up in surrender, Eleo gave the note a slight wave, “Look, it was the note!  The temple told me to, okay!?” 

The words sounded somewhere between bored and playful, but now Hux couldn’t help but hear something else.  Eleo was afraid.  He was scared of creating a rift.  He was terrified of being rejected by a second family.  He was afraid if he did something wrong, if he wasn’t in constant agreement with everyone else, he would be turned out.  Hux spied the note and saw the directions and understood the temple’s intent.  If Eleo hadn’t calmed down and explained, just suddenly grabbed him, Hux was fairly certain he would have accepted no apologies for such an act. 

Hux only hoped Kylo would understand as well.  He couldn’t see the knight’s face, but Kylo was tense and emitting an aura that even a force-null like Hux had no trouble feeling. 

“Kylo, it was for the mission,” said Hux coolly, dragging a hand through his hair to straighten imaginary fly away hairs. 

“He should have said something,” growled Kylo. 

“Look…Master of Ren,” said Eleo, nerves forcing him to use Kylo’s title, “I was just doing what it said…” 

“Awfully eager for someone just following orders,” seethed the other knight. 

“Kylo, this is what the temple wants!” snapped Hux, “It wants you to get jealous.  This whole room was meant to serve as a set up and this was supposed to be the payoff.  Create tensions, heighten fears, then a catalyst to bring it all to a head.” 

“But it was diffused…we managed to work everything out,” noted Hathor, rising to his feet, “It must not have been able to come up with another idea in time.” 

“T’would seem our brother hath been spared a trial,” added Mako. 

“Wait…this was like the sick sort of punchline?” asked Eleo, “But Gaius saw the thing.  He could have warned everyone what was coming.” 

 _‘No,’_ said the small knight, taking Hux’s hand so he could listen _, ‘I couldn’t have.  It was…I could have sworn it was blank.  I was nervous because I wasn’t sure what it was supposed to mean.’_  

“I still do not understand this trap!” protested E’Chon, “It was not very well laid!” 

“No, it was,” Hux explained, “Eleo kept being stressed by things in this room.  I couldn’t feel most of what was happening, but his stress was overflowing into everyone else and we were close to being at each other’s throats.  If we hadn’t stopped and cooled off and Eleo had…done that, it would have set both me and Kylo off.  It would have been a bench clearing brawl.  Perhaps we wouldn't have killed each other, but nobody would come out of a scrap like that unscathed.” 

“So instead of forcing us to face an opponent or challenge, it was trying to turn us against each other…” muttered Seigurd, “Very clever…” 

The other knights looked at him.  If Eleo, Hathor and Mako were anything to judge by, they were all exasperated.  Seigurd shrugged, “I do not feel anything warm towards this place, but the masters are still worthy of our admiration.” 

“Oooof course they are,” said Eleo, rolling his eyes slightly.  In the process he caught a glimpse of Kylo, “So…n-no hard feelings, right?  You’re…you aren’t uh…” 

“Angry?” asked the knight. 

   *** 

_‘I know what you felt for him.  Your fantasies.  In this place and the second trial.’_

_‘I didn’t do it to hurt anyone.’_

_‘Kylo…you heard the General.  This is what the temple wants.’_

_‘We hardly ever kiss!  He’s…I don’t want to screw things up with him.  I’ve been afraid to touch him.’_

_‘Look, I know, but you can hear my thoughts now.  You know the thing said, ‘kiss the Force-null.  Tell no one.’’_

_‘And that makes it okay!?’_

_‘If you want to take something positive from this Master of Ren, the General is calm.  That means he’s adjusting to everything.  He was also much less nervous when I touched his hair.’_

_‘I…I wanted him to be nervous…’_

_‘…what?’_

_‘I wanted...I didn’t like him being stressed about it, but…I liked how seriously he was taking all this.  I liked how he needed me to guide him through it.  This is…this is what we wanted.  We wanted him to be okay with all of us but…I wanted him to be just with me a little while longer…”_

_“…t’is a peculiar romance, is it not?”_

_‘In any case, Master of Ren, Eleo Ren is not to blame for the temple’s designs or the General’s reactions.  Let the hate flow, savour it, and save your anger to unleash it upon a more deserving target.’_

_‘Indeed!  I do not like this temple!  Or it’s ghosts!”_

_‘I’m just…I have all these feelings and I don’t know what to do with them…’_

_‘We can feel them through you.  A glorious quagmire of darkness…’_

_‘Seigurd stop hitting on my darkness!’_

  *** 

“Well, it didn’t take you all long to start your mind-speak again,” muttered Hux. 

Eleo shrugged and approached the door, “Red…no hard feelings right?” 

“None whatsoever,” replied Hux. 

“Would you mind kissing Kylo, then?” asked Eleo, grinning playfully, “He’s _jealous_.” 

“I’m not…” protested Kylo lamely.  He was clearly convincing nobody. 

Hux wondered how this was supposed to work.  He supposed Kylo was first among equals in their little collective, and in their odd relationship.  Hux often thought he was just with Kylo, and the others were a sort of added condition in their agreement, but Kylo was jealous.  Having been under the assumption that he would eventually be expected to be physically available to all the knights, how was it supposed to work if Kylo became jealous so easily.  Was it only permissible for the other knights to do anything intimate with them if Kylo was lurking in the back of their minds? 

It was all incredibly confusing.  Hux was considering writing up a hundred page contract and terms of conditions to leaf through so he could gain and understanding of it all. 

Eleo opened the door and was greeted by the Temple Spirit. 

She, the spirit appeared female, was not quite what Hux expected.  She was short, her black armour was crafted to fit a curvaceous frame which she seemed to be trying to hide with layers of robes.  She spoke through her mask and sounded surprisingly anxious as she stammered, “Um…c-could…would you mind going back inside?” 

It took a great amount of effort for Hux to keep his jaw from dropping.  The other knights seemed stunned as well.  Eleo grinned as he growled through gritted teeth, “What?” 

“S-see, I was trying really hard to stump you, but your Force-Null…oh, I should have been hard on him like the others.  I had this great plan and he sort of wrecked it so…c—could you just wait a minute while I think of something better?” 

Eleo snarled, “Is this some sort of game to you!?  All the horrible things this did to my head was just some pet project of yours!?” 

“No!  No I just know I can think of a better puzzle and be a really good proctor if I have a little more-” began the spirit. 

“Oh fuck no!” shouted Eleo before breaking off into a language Hux couldn’t understand as he railed against the spirit.  The spirit, surprisingly, disappeared with a squeak as the knight continued to rant loudly. 

 _‘Eleo taught us all the swear words we know…’_ noted Gaius, slipping his hand into Hux’s, _‘I think I forgot most of them until now.’_

“Does he need…?” Hux began. 

 _‘He’ll probably need more support once he stops being angry.  He’s so mad he’s on a sort of high right now.  When it goes away he’s going to be sad, and when that happens we’ll be there for him,’_ explained Gaius.

“It makes sense that they would sent a spirit who had anxiety themselves to test Eleo.  Despite her disgusting behaviour she probably knows exactly how to go for the jugular,” said Hathor with a shrug. 

“Such a puny spirit!” exclaimed E’Chon, “I hope mine will provide more of a challenge!  I shall break them all beneath my blade!” 

“Do not provoke them, E’Chon Ren…” warned Seigurd.  He watched Eleo for a moment, and Hux could practically hear the feral grin in his voice as the knight continued, “Such delightful darkness…give in to your anger Eleo Ren, it will serve us all well.” 

“Hux…” said Kylo, stammering slightly, “Could…maybe…kiss…” 

Hux rolled his eyes as Eleo continued to let off what must have been years of pent up anger, much to Seigurd’s delight.  Hux looked up at Kylo, “Mask.” 

“O-oh, right,” said Kylo, lifting his mask just enough to show off his mouth.  Hux gave him a light kiss on the lips, allowing Kylo to deepen it as much as he felt necessary to alleviate his jealousy. 

“Seriously, can you believe that piece of shit son of a whore-fucker!” exclaimed Eleo, “I swear if she shows up I’m going to shove my foot so far up her ass she’ll have toes for teeth!” 

“T’would be a sight worthy of epics,” replied Mako. 

“Are you ready to be calm and civil now?” asked Hathor. 

“Fuck no!  I’m going to kick all their asses!” shouted Eleo, storming down the corridor. 

“That is the spirit brother!  Let us all do battle!” bellowed E’Chon, following hot on his heels.

Hathor sighed and put his hands on his hips, shaking his head slightly, “I don’t know why I even bother asking…” 


	32. Creek Mary's Blood Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this and the next part is going to be pretty heavy. Sorry, but with this subject matter I can't really be lighthearted, and I wanted to explore Kylo in a leadership role and what the Temple messing with his knights is doing to him. With that in mind though, I've started drafting another KoR fic where I bring the boys back to their fluffy roots. Sometimes I feel bad that I decided to bring this story in a more serious direction, but I hope at least some of you have enjoyed reading.

The corridor to the next chamber wasn’t long at all.  The lights were dim, allowing the room ahead to glow ominously in the distance.  Hux noticed that none of this deterred E’Chon who moved ahead at such a brisk pace that Hux found himself in a quick march just to keep up.  He had fairly long legs, so keeping up with the tall knight wasn’t a struggle, but Gaius had to jog to stay alongside him.  Eleo, still angry, was the one who had to be told to slow down. 

As he walked, Hux felt a bit strange.  He felt an unfamiliar congestion in his sinuses that he hadn’t experienced since childhood.  Once the First Order had organized it’s health care, especially for military personnel, he had been inoculated against everything.  He hadn’t experienced bad health or even a light sniffle since he was a teenager.  He sudden heavy feeling in his head was odd, but not insurmountable.  It wasn’t hindering his thinking or his movement, so he didn’t think it was worth mentioning.  It might have something to do with being so far underground. 

Upon entering the chamber the first thing Hux noticed was a large chasm.  He supposed, if he had a decent running start, he could jump across.  If he had his grappling gun it would have been easier, but he was still confident in his abilities.  Gaius might have trouble because of his height, but Hux supposed, if the temple allowed, one of the other knights could help him cross. 

The second thing Hux noticed was eight lumps on the ground.  Squinting, they appeared to be piles of armour.  Hux tilted his head in confusion as he examined the room.  The way ahead was shut, and there were eight suits of armour on the other side of a large gap.  He didn’t understand what the challenge of the room was supposed to be. 

Hathor and Mako moved forward, leaping across as gracefully as if they had been performing on wires.  They landed silently on the other side and examined the suits of armour, stopping as they continued their inspection. 

Hux turned to Kylo, “What’s happening?” 

“The bodies on the other side…they’re sick,” said Kylo, sounding disbelieving behind his mask. 

“There are bodies?” asked Hux. 

“Can you stand being connected?” asked Kylo. 

Hux nodded and immediately felt the assault on his senses.  He tried to focus on Mako, who was pulling the mask off of one of the bodies.  Eleo was loud, still fuming over the audacity of the spirit from the last trial treating his past like a puzzle game.  He tried to block it out, watching and feeling Mako check for the body’s pulse.  There was one, but it was feint, barely there at all.  The body had a face, but its eyes were cloudy and unfocused, with a crust of mucus around its nose. 

“You’re sick,” noted Kylo. 

“Disconnect me…” said Hux shakily, not confident in his ability to have a conversation while his senses were bombarded.  He was still awful at focusing on so many sets of senses registering in his mind.  He looked over at Kylo, “It’s just something in my nose.  More importantly though I have no idea how this challenge is supposed to work.  Obviously we’ve got to do something with those bodies, but I’ve no idea…” 

Hux trailed off as he gave a shudder, “Sorry…did it suddenly get a lot colder?” 

“No,” said Kylo, looking about for anywhere a cold draft might have come in from. 

There was a heavy feeling in his head now, like something was weighing it down.  He felt cold, but a moment later he felt the confines of his tactical suit and vest were far too hot.  His legs felt weak.  It all was happening so quickly.  All his mind could register was the discomfort of it all.  His body ached all over.  He didn’t want to stand anymore, he needed to lie down. 

“Hux!” Kylo exclaimed as he stumbled forward. 

Hux felt himself being grabbed as he tumbled forward towards the floor. 

   *** 

_‘Hux is down!’_

_‘What!?’_

_‘What happened?  What’s wrong with him?’_

_‘I…I don’t know.  He felt sick and now he’s not even responding.’_

_‘Wait, one of them is moving!’_

Kylo watched through Hathor’s eyes as one of the bodies suddenly rose.  It was moving quickly, on its feet in a second barreling towards the gap.  Hathor followed it, trying to stop it as it made a beeline, trained on Hux.  It was fast, but it was alone, and there were seven knights ready to stop it. 

It didn’t even last a second against Kylo’s saber. 

The body collapsed, dead.  Kylo looked down, convinced that killing it would restore Hux to health somehow.  Hux didn’t get up though.  He lay on the ground, unfocused, gasping, groaning as he tossed his head, alternating between shivering and trying to curl up and clawing at his clothing to try to tear it all off.  He was still sick. 

“What the hell is this…?” Kylo wondered out loud, moving to remove his helmet and take a closer look at Hux. 

“Do not remove it!” shouted E’Chon, stomping over. 

Kylo paused, not used to the large knight taking such a commanding tone with him.  E’Chon looked about at all of the knights, “Nobody remove your masks!  None of you!” 

Kylo searched the knight’s older memories, of the time when foreign diseases wracked his planet and decimated its peoples, nation by nation before only a handful were left.  People would slowly feel a heaviness in their head as their sinuses became congested.  There was fever, hot and cold flashes and aches all over the body.  Hux was experiencing it all, but it was accelerated somehow, likely by the chamber. 

“Hey, big guy…how contagious was it?” asked Eleo. 

Kylo didn’t even have to look, he knew why Eleo wanted to know.  He was examining a cut he had received during Hathor’s challenge.  Immediately Kylo heard E’Chon’s assessment in his mind; it was enough.  He felt intense worry from Mako as Hathor examined a cut of his own.  The two knights looked at each other as they determined Hathor should stay away from the bodies in case he fell and was targeted next.  Gaius examined his own armour, remembering the scrapes he had gotten while dragging himself along the floor in the first challenge. 

If all three of them were going to succumb, in a few minutes their number was going to be cut in half. 

Kylo looked down at Hux, “Hux, listen to me, I need you to focus.” 

Hux gave a groaned and looked up at Kylo.  He maintained eye contact for a moment before his head lolled to the side and he began pulling at his vest again.  Kylo reached for his face, trying to get him to focus, “Hux, I know you brought first aid supplies, like that sanitizer.  We need them right now.” 

Hux gripped his utility belt, “…here…” 

“All in here?” asked Kylo. 

Hux gave a nod before groaning and shivering violently. 

Kylo began pulling out sanitizer and bandages, ‘ _If we treat the areas, they might take a bit longer to get infected.  Maybe this can stave it off.’_

_‘If this is the challenge the Living Temple desires to pose, I very much doubt any effort of ours can stop it.’_

_‘And yet the last challenge was curtailed by the whetted mind of out Flower of Order.’_

_‘This spirit might have learned from that asshole though.  Plus, they learn about our equipment as we use it, and we already used the sanitizer.  I’m not sure how much good it will do.’_

_‘What do you think E’Chon?  You’ve got the most experience with this.’_

_‘I know this challenge and its purpose.’_

_‘…biggest brother?  You’re being really quiet…oh…no, they can’t want us to do that.’_

Kylo heard Gaius and E’Chon’s deductions.  The disease was the same as the one that decimated his people.  It happened during a time of war, different nations taking sides with different foreigners, becoming rife with their diseases and dying out in droves.  They continued to fight.  E’Chon had been young, but he was fully aware of what was happening.  People from his own planet, whether they were from his own nation or not, were dying, and they were continuing to attack each other.  He had refused to do it.  Refused to attack the ones who were lying defenseless at death’s door. 

And now the temple was trying to force him. 

 _‘It’s not the same,’_ Kylo noted, _‘Nobody is forcing you to attack them.  If we don’t move first, we’ll catch the disease and they’ll…’_

Kylo trailed off.  E’Chon said nothing, he kept his thoughts quiet, except for one, and it was that his own people came to the same conclusion.  Attack them before they attack us.  Better when they were weak than when they could cause real harm.  Focus on annihilation spurred on by foreign allies, who became vultures as soon as they were too weak to be of use.  E’Chon had witnessed it all.  With the naivity of a child he had focused on the wrongness of it all.  Conquest was to be won through battle, a fair battle.  It was not to be snatched away from those too weak to defend themselves. 

The Temple was trying to end that idealism though. 

Kylo tossed the sanitizer to Eleo.  Hopefully it would help to slow any infection that was bound to happen if the Temple had any say in the matter.  He sent out a thought, _‘Do you think the Temple will let us pass no matter which of us takes care of them?’_

_‘I shall put the matter to test forthright…’_

Mako approached one of the bodies, taking aim with his blaster.  He had it pointed directly at its temple, a shot that was certain to kill.  Kylo felt apprehension surge through Mako’s veins at the thought of killing an unarmed opponent.  He didn’t want to do it, but he knew what it would mean to let it live.  If it lived, it would attack the moment one of them fell in a weakened state.  If they were allowed to live, what happened to Hux would happen to them. 

Kylo knelt down, trying to do what he could for Hux, but there was nothing that could be done.  He lay on the floor, groaning, trying vainly to at least make himself comfortable.  Whatever he was going through seemed painful.  His skin looked sweaty, clammy as he became even paler than before.  Even his normally pink lips were starting to have the colour drain from them.  Kylo wanted to touch him, skin to skin, hold his hand and let him know that he would get through this, but he knew taking off his gloves would only expose him. 

Mako was hesitating, finding the act going against their natures.  Kylo had done it before, as had some of the other knights, executing targets who weren’t fighters, but never like this.  There was a struggle, a chase, or the person in question deserved, at least in the knights’ mind, to die.  This was…pointless.  There was no reason to kill outside of an unspoken order that they had to.  The bodies had done nothing wrong, they were lying weak and half dead, and would only attack at the Temple’s bidding when one of them fell.  They couldn’t fight back, run, even beg for their lives.  It was a complete excess. 

Kylo could feel E’Chon struggling the most.  Kylo had sensed it in him, a sort of bizarre compassion that kept him from fighting weak opponents.  While the big knight always preferred a challenge, there was also a spark in him, a nagging voice that reminded him of his past and how wrong it had been to stage routes against those who couldn’t fight back.  Feeling that, Kylo had avoided giving E’Chon orders involving routes and targets who likely wouldn’t fight back, knowing they would be orders he would struggle to follow.  Kylo had been soft on him, and now E’Chon was going to pay the price for it. 

_‘Mako, can you do it?’_

_‘T’is…a harder task than expected…’_

_‘It’s alright dear, you don’t have to.’_

_‘Brother of my Heart, if this one is left to breathe, the foul air within this place with surely-’_

_‘We’ll deal with it when the time comes.  Eleo, are you finished with that awful sanitizing stuff?’_

_‘Yeah, here it comes.  Let’s hope this staves it off a little…’_

_‘Perhaps the ves- General ought to have a mask.  For practicality’s sake…I do not like to see him like this.’_

_‘Kylo…is he going to be okay?  Do you think the sickness will last?’_

_‘I can’t say…but all the effects of the last challenges ended when they were completed.  I don’t see why this should be any different.’_

_‘Biggest brother, you’re so quiet…what can we do?  I can sense your feelings, I just…I want to take it away.  I don’t like feeling you hurting like this.’_

E’Chon said nothing, placing his hand on Gaius head.  Kylo could feel it, a slow, heavy motion, nothing like the way the big knight usually moved.  He moved towards Hux, slow, careful, kneeling down so he could have a closer look.  Kylo saw memories flash through his mind as E’Chon carefully compared the symptoms Hux was showing to ones he had seen before.  He also saw ways that it could be treated, though the big knight didn’t know the cure.  Unfortunately, nothing that he had seen being used to help victims of the disease were anywhere to be found. 

E’Chon placed a large hand on Hux’s head.  Kylo had taken notice of how, outside of their initial encounter, E’Chon tried to handle Hux gently.  Even when he was hoised over his shoulders and carried about, he took care to make sure the General wasn’t injured.  He stroked Hux’s hair back, now mussed from all his tossing. 

_‘It’s happening too quickly.  It’s supposed to take days to reach this stage.’_

_‘What are you saying E’Chon?  Is it lethal?’_

_‘I know not if the chamber will allow it to progress so far.’_

_‘I won’t.’_

Kylo paused, shuddering at the unwanted, unwelcome voice leaking into their connection.  It was a smooth, tired sounding voice, as if it was disinterested in the acts it was orchestrating. 

_‘I won’t kill the Force-Null.  Perhaps the threat of death might spur you to action, but it defeats the purpose.  I sense you’ve deduced the point of all this.’_

_‘You mean the pointlessness…’_

_‘Precisely.  It’s pointless.  You’ve no reason to kill them outside the selfish desire to move forward and complete the challenge.  If you give up, you may all leave.  If you wish to proceed, kill them.  If you wish to become stronger with the dark side of the Force, this is something you must do.’_

_‘It’s so cruel…’_

_‘The dark side is emotional extremes.  Cruelty is one of them.’_

_‘Seigurd…’_

_‘I am not granting my approval, it was merely an observation.’_

_‘I sense your dislike of my methods.  You are interesting, Knight of Ren.  Great are your efforts to master the darkness, and yet there are boundaries you are not yet willing to cross.  It’s a shame your challenge is passed.’_

_‘So you want us to kill unarmed opponents who’ve done no wrong and are forced to fight against their will?’_

_‘No, not all of you, just one of you.  If he can manage one, while they are prone like this, mind you, then you may all pass and the virus will be flushed from this room.’_

_‘And the General’s health will return?’_

_‘Of course.  As I mentioned before, he won’t die, but I can sense that the experience is very unpleasant for him.  He’s quite hardy, I’m impressed that he’s remained conscious.’_

Hux was conscious, but barely.  He let out a whimper, a sound Kylo had never heard him make before.  It was such a weak, pathetic sound coming from the usually stoic General that it made Kylo anxious.  He tried to keep his thoughts from E’Chon, knowing that for Hux to get better quickly, E’Chon would have to act.  If there was a way, Kylo would have gladly taken this challenge in his knight’s stead, he would have taken all of their challenges.  He hated seeing and feeling them suffer through all of this, no matter how necessary their master felt it was for their training. 

_‘You’re very quiet now E’Chon Ren.  Did you not want battle?  Here it is.  Take as much of it as you please.’_

_‘Don’t you talk to him like that!’_

Gaius drew his short-sword and whirled around, looking for any sign of the spirit, _‘I won’t let you!  You’ve all done enough to my brothers!’_

_‘It is well…’_

The thoughts came out resigned, tired as E’Chon continued to stroke Hux’s hair back.  The knight’s thoughts finally continued, _‘It will be done…I beg some time, Master of Ren…’_

For Hux’s sake, Kylo didn’t want to give it.  He wanted Hux to get better as soon as possible, but E’Chon needed time.  He could feel how badly the knight needed the time to come to terms with what he was about to do.  First kills were difficult, first kills against someone sick, invalid, who was incapable of running or fighting back, that was worse.  It twisted the spirit and the Force, making it darker, but the feel of it was frightening and cold.  Kylo remembered the first time he had done it, how cold and sick he felt after and wondering if he could ever recover from the overwhelming shame of it. 

In the end he had, with the help of the other knights.  It was Hathor, the former priest who helped the most.  Having practiced live sacrifice, he had ritually killed and commanded others to die.  He could feel the knight of Atem in their connection, sending out what comfort he could.  Hathor understood this best, how taxing and awful it felt, but even he was struggling to find words to say.  He moved closer to E’Chon and said out loud, “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it will be alright in time, dear, I promise.” 

E’Chon paused for a moment, and Kylo could feel him become cold as he took the words in. 


	33. Creek Mary's Blood Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was plotting this out half a year ago, my friend Countofeight said that E'Chon should cry. At the time I thought, 'Yes, brilliant, I can prove I can write some devastating stuff!' Now all I feel like is kind of a monster... 
> 
> But I am a monster with FANART!!! Some lovely portraits of the knights were drawn by Zaera-d, who drew them all by hand with traditional media: http://zaera-d.tumblr.com/post/157299252712/mako-hathor-seigurd-eleo-gaius-and-echon
> 
> And some MORE were drawn by smalhyena, who also drew a picture of Gaius some time ago: http://smalhyena.tumblr.com/post/157313674079/anorlost-ilusm
> 
> Please check them out and give lots of support! They're both lovely artists.

It was unrealistic to expect a Force-User who dabbled in the dark side not to come to this.  Kylo had avoided it with E’Chon.  Seigurd and Eleo could be trusted to be pragmatic, Hathor had made his peace with killing under any circumstance years ago, and while Mako and Gaius disliked it, they had both dispatched targets under his orders.  E’Chon was different.  After seeing his memories Kylo had not wanted to cause his knight any additional pain.  There was also something within E’Chon, a light, something that said fighting unfairly was wrong and he refused to do it. 

There were days when, admittedly, Kylo tried to keep that light intact for his own piece of mind.  The Knights of Ren did not belong exclusively to the darkness, and they each had something that gave them an attachment to the light.  Kylo tried to preserve it.  It had been their master’s wish, but on a more personal level it gave Kylo comfort.  The light was familiar, it’s call was often eerie and unwanted, but there was still something that inexplicably drew him to it. 

This challenge was sure to cause E’Chon’s light to waver.  Kylo hoped that it wouldn’t be enough to extinguish it. 

He could hear the big knight’s thoughts as he knelt next to Hux.  He knew he had to go through with it.  If he didn’t they would fail in their mission and Hux would be left to suffer longer.  Kylo felt the General’s hair under E’Chon’s gloved hand and could feel the comfort E’Chon took in the action, like petting a kitten or small dog for comfort.  Kylo could feel the love his knight had for Hux, the admiration, but also the overwhelming desire to protect him.  Despite showing how capable he was, E’Chon still tended to think of Hux as small, more delicate than the knights, someone who needed guardianship. 

A sound broke the silence; a cough.  Kylo felt it passing through Eleo’s mouth and hand as he tried to stifle himself.  Kylo could feel the symptoms beginning to take hold of the knight as well; Eleo’s head becoming heavy with congestion and his thoughts becoming unfocused.  Within moments he was starting to feel uncomfortable in his armour. 

“Eleo?” Kylo called, despite being able to feel exactly what was happening. 

“Just a sniffle,” lied the knight good-naturedly. 

“It is not.  You had best lie down before you fall,” said Seigurd. 

“Sure thing grandpa, I’ll even let you read me a bedtime story,” said the knight, trying to laugh.  He was afraid.  Kylo could hear his thoughts as he tried to gauge how much the illness would hurt him based on Hux’s reaction to it. 

Hathor swallowed slightly.  His throat tightened, but he remained quiet as he sat against a wall, disconnecting himself discreetly as he pretended to be resting.  Kylo managed to catch his last thoughts though.  He was infected as well, but was determined to keep quiet for E’Chon’s sake, not wanting to pressure him into acting before the other knight was ready for the step into darkness that he was about to take. 

Mako seemed to have sensed it as well, returning to Hathor’s side and sitting with him.  Kylo could feel Hathor slide his hand into Mako’s and squeeze, using the gesture to vent his fear and anticipation of the discomfort and pain to come. 

Gaius looked out over the divide at the bodies.  Two of them were beginning to stir on the other side, twitching, recovering their senses.  He stood waiting with his blaster for the inevitable.  All Kylo could sense in everyone was a horrible sense of the inevitable, except for the spirit.  Kylo could still feel it lingering about, watching and waiting, Through it all, Kylo couldn’t sense any malicious intent.  The spirit had tailored its challenge perfectly, and the one in their number who might have been able to think of a strategy around it had been taken out of commission.  It was being analytical, strictly business, as if creating challenges were some routine work that it had long since become bored with.  It was detatched.  So long as the spirit completed its task and completed it to a satisfactory level, it could feel at ease.  It had no interest in torture, though, if Kylo was reading it correctly, it wasn’t above harassing a challenger into action to get things done and over with. 

_‘Correct, Master of Ren.  You’re quite a powerful specimen.  It’s a shame you don’t give yourself completely to the darkness.  You would become stronger yet, like a force of nature.’_

He couldn’t.  His master had ordered him not to.  Though, he would be lying if he claimed there wasn’t a small part of him still clinging to the light, the way E’Chon held on to the light within him. 

Kylo looked at his knight.  He didn’t need their connection to see the feelings clearly etched into his features.  E’Chon was struggling.  His brothers and the General were suffering because he couldn’t act, and yet acting would force him to do something he had long thought more than despicable.  He was being made to choose between his brothers and his honour and the decision was tearing him apart from within. 

 _‘I understand.’_ Kylo sent the thoughts to him with as much comfort and relief as he could.  He sent his own feelings of conflict so E’Chon would know that he wasn’t alone in this, that there was another among their number who struggled with a constant inner conflict.  He sent an apology that he had not prepared his knight more adequately, that this challenge was such a struggle for him. 

“If not this they would have found another way to torment us,’ said the big knight, frighteningly quiet as he did what he could to ease Hux’s discomfort.  He pressed the cool plate of armour on the back of his hand to the General’s forehead, hoping it would help with his fever. 

Hux looked up at him.  He seemed so distant.  Kylo could sense his thoughts, a hodgepodge of disjointed and improperly connecting thoughts.  Hux would start a thought and suddenly start another and another, unable to focus on any of them.  It was so unlike Hux’s usual smooth, analytical and streamlined way of thinking that Kylo barely recognized him. 

Kylo reached out to Gaius, _‘I…I really don’t know what to say, or if I can even say anything that would help.’_

_‘I don’t think there is…I’m trying hard to think of something but…I hate this place.  I hate it so much.  I can’t stand what it’s doing to everyone.  Why would our master order this?  Do you think…maybe he didn’t know?’_

It was hard to believe that there was anything that their master didn’t know, and yet none of them wanted to believe that he delighted in seeing them tortured.  There was a reason for this, they had to hone their abilities with the dark side of the Force.  This was the most efficient way to do it and yet…Gaius was right.  Kylo hated this place.  He hated what it had done to his knights and to Hux.  If only he could use that hate to make himself stronger, to defend everyone against all of these relentless onslaughts. 

 _‘If I could…’_ came Gaius’ thoughts, using Kylo’s connection to everyone to broadcast his thoughts, _‘I would do it for you biggest brother.  I have enough dishonour for both of us.  If this place would let me, I’d do it so you wouldn’t have to.’_

_‘…’_

_‘Sorry…I’m just going to try to rest a moment…’_

_‘Hathor?’_

_‘Dearest of brothers?’_

_‘I’m sorry, that’s selfish of me.  E’Chon, honey, I’ll try to stay awake.’_

_‘No, rest if you must.’_

_‘No, I didn’t mean to-’_

_‘It is better to be asleep than awake when it takes hold.  Rest if there is need, companion.’_

As Hathor drifted out, Eleo chimed in, _‘I might have a little rest too.  I’ll be up in a minute, I just need a couple winks.’_

_‘I’ll grant a few minutes Eleo Ren.  I will wake you if there is need.’_

_‘Heh…I’m fine with Grandpa waking me up, but I’d prefer a smoking hot redhead with a steaming cup of caf.’_

_‘I see you’ve begun to dream already…’_

Eleo remained chipper as he disconnected, but at the last second Kylo could sense his carefully masked pain.  Just before his mind shifted and he lost consciousness Kylo could feel aches and pains in his body and a heaviness in his head.  He had sensed it more in Hathor, who was unfamiliar with the sensations and needed time to sort out what was happening to him.  Both knights had disconnected, and two of the bodies on the other side began to stir. 

 _‘Here they come,’_ warned Kylo. 

_‘They shall not take a single step past the divide!’_

_‘Seigurd, watch over Hathor and Eleo.  I want Mako and Gaius standing guard.  I don’t want them on this side at all.  Pick them off as soon as you can.’_

_‘Got it.’_

_‘I fly anon.’_

_‘E’Chon…I’m having trouble reading you.’_

_‘If I do not do this, we will all succumb.’_

_‘No, that won’t happen.  If it comes down to it…we’ll pull back.  We’ll try again.  We were tasked to challenge the Living Temple.  There’s no point to muscling through this just to come out shattered.’_

_‘Then the others will have suffered in vain.’_

One of the bodies suddenly darted to the side.  Mako and Gaius fired at it, but it was fast.  Its body bent itself unnaturally to scurry like a beetle as it clambered up the chamber wall.  Both knights hit their mark, but the body, the creature, refused to stop moving.  It reached the divide before it finally fell, plunging headlong into the chasm. 

Kylo caught something in the corner of Seigurd’s eye, _‘Mako!  The second!’_

Mako had enough time to turn before the second body lunged at him, tearing at his mask.  Kylo’s heart skipped a beat as he heard a telltale hiss in Mako’s ears as his mask was disconnected.  Gaius shot took up his blade, slashing until it stopped moving as Mako shook, _‘I humbly beg forgiveness good master.  It came in close…t’would seem my fear has not left entirely.’_

_‘Mako, your mask…’_

_‘Aye, t’was pulled from its brotherly joint.’_ Mako reached for his helmet and Kylo could feel his hands tremble.  He tried to hide his feelings, focusing on his claustrophobia, hoping E’Chon would sense that rather than his fear of being infected with the airborne disease in the chamber.  Mako finished snapping his mask back, attaching it to his helmet, for all the good it would do him now. 

“Kylo?” Hux asked.  His eyes were closed, heavy as he reached out, grabbing a fistful of Kylo’s robes. 

“I’m still here…” said Kylo quietly, taking Hux’s hand to try to reassure him that he hadn’t gone anywhere. 

“What’s happening?” Hux groaned. 

“We’ve taken down three enemies.  There’s five left,” said Kylo. 

“This…what’s happening to me?” Hux amended. 

“The challenge.  There’s something in the air…I guess this means we have to get you a mask,” suggested Kylo. 

“Blast…troopers…masks filters out debris…toxins…” Hux rambled.  Kylo tried to search out the General’s thoughts, but they were still whirling, half-focused on the problems at hand while his mind wandered to design flaws in stormtrooper helmets.  

“You should go to sleep Hux…” suggested Kylo quietly. 

“I can’t…need me…mission…” Hux groaned. 

“It’s okay, we’re winning.  Just sleep this off, it’ll be over when you wake up,” said Kylo, raising his hand, “You will go to sleep now.” 

Hux groaned and tossed his head.  It seemed mind-tricks didn’t work on the weak-minded or the skatter-minded.  Hux was far too unfocused to be susceptible to Force-influence.  Kylo couldn’t get a hold of enough of his mind to force Hux to obey his command.  If that didn’t work. 

“Hux, I’m going to put you to sleep now,” said Kylo, “You pulled one too many all-nighters.  You’re in your quarters, and now I’m going to have to tuck you in.” 

Hux focused on his words, and in his fevered state he believed them.  In Hux’s imagination Kylo could see the General’s quarters, especially his bed, the pillows, the feeling of a blanket being pulled over him.  “That’s it, you’re tired, so tired.” 

Kylo waved his hand and Hux went limp in his arms.  Carefully, he moved away from Hux so the General lay on the ground.  With Mako soon to be out of commission, they would need as many as they could on their feet to defend those who had fallen.  Soon it would be just Seigurd, Gaius, E’Chon, and himself. 

_‘I cannot let their suffering be for nothing…’_

_‘E’Chon…I won’t order you to do this.  I can feel what it’s doing to you.  This conflict…it feels so much like my own.  None of you have ever asked me to withdraw completely from the light.  I will not ask it of my knights if I’m not able to do it myself.’_

_‘Deepest apologies…how heavy the veil of sand feels one mine eyes…’_

_‘Sleep if you must, Mako Ren.  I can feel that the pain lessens during sleep.’_

It lessened, but it was there.  Kylo couldn’t feel through his knight’s nerves, but Hathor and Eleo groaned and tossed in their sleep.  Only Hux, who had been sent into a deathlike sleep with the Force lay still.  Kylo considered doing the same to his knights.  Putting them all into a deep sleep until the pain passed away.  He sought out Hux’s mind, wondering if a deeper sleep had taken all of the pain away. 

He sensed…nightmares.  Vivid ones, brought on by the fever, heightening the General’s usual anxiety.  Hux was running, scrambling.  He had to save something, but he couldn’t remember what.  Alarms were sounding, he was pushing through seas od panicking officers and troopers as he ran looking for something.  Every time Hux thought he had found it, it would disappear…a dog.  He was looking for a dog? 

Whatever the dream meant, the Force may have removed physical suffering, but sleep only brought imagined terrors into Hux’s mind. 

Mako sat beside Hathor, who slept leaning against the wall as he waited for the fever to claim him.  He clutched the unconscious knight’s hand as he waited for the-

“No, I will end it before it comes to that…I should have ended when it began.” 

E’Chon stepped forward and looked across the divide.  One of the bodies was starting to twitch as Mako began breathing heavily.  Kylo saw images flashing in E’Chon’s mind.  Raiding parties returning, describing what they had done, a raiding party from another nation, a great slaughter against people too weak in their beds to move.  He remembered having to abandon those who couldn’t walk, unable to retreat and carry the sick.  Kylo could feel E’Chon’s pain at having to leave his homeworld, once home to many nations and peoples, now an emaciated shadow of what it had once been and ripe for outsiders to take for themselves and colonize.  He remembered the pain as slowly, the last remaining members of his clan died off, leaving him alone, fending for himself as a mercenary, wandering from planet to planet… 

Kylo didn’t want E’Chon to do it, but he could feel in the knight’s heart that E’Chon would never forgive himself if he backed down now.  The shame at having succumbed while his brothers had remained strong, of Hux, Eleo, Hathor and Mako suffering when he should have acted… 

 _‘But they won’t see it that way!’_ protested Gaius’ piping voice, _‘They won’t…they’ll understand.  We all understand.  We can feel the hurt.  You…you’re not a monster for this…we all know what this is doing to you.’_

E’Chon put a hand on Gaius head, patting his helmet once before he leapt over the divide.  Kylo could feel his knight’s face twisting, his breath quickening as he considered the lives he would be taking.  This wasn’t like any battle the knight had fought where an able-bodied opponent charged him, or retreated.  These bodies had no choice, no chance, they could only lie there and accept their fate.  Would they feel pain?  Were they sentient?  Did they understand what was happening? 

He approached the body that was twitching, slowly gaining the strength that Mako was losing.  It was starting to fight, and that made it easier.  The fact that it was trying to kill him made things easier.  It wanted to fight him, so E’Chon would grant it a final combat.  The body swiped at him as much as it was able as E’Chon brought his blade down, severing its neck.  The body instantly stilled, which left the final four, prone forms. 

E’Chon approached one.  It lay, gasping, it’s nose crusted over and it’s eyes glazed.  It couldn’t fight, it couldn’t run.  E’Chon raised his blade and stopped.  It was so helpless, helpless like so many others had been before their slaughter, and for what?  Land?  Things hidden in the earth?  It had always been for nothing in E’Chon’s mind.  The whole conflict, one egged on by outsiders until it boiled into a brutal genocide and takeover had felt so bitter and pointless… 

He tried to convince himself that the situation was different, he reminded himself of everything his brothers had been through.  Gaius being pressed into the ground, Seigurd nearly having his consciousness stolen from his body, Hathor’s loss, Mako’s fear, Eleo’s anxiety, and if he turned back now they will have fought for nothing.  And now, with four of his boon companions lying prone on his account, he couldn’t let them suffer through that for nothing.  They couldn’t turn back, the way ahead his clear. 

He would make it quick.  If this thing had a consciousness he would end it quickly.  He would not allow it to remain anxious and suffering.  Yes…he was ending suffering.  That of his brothers and that of these creatures.  It was not a battle, but it was an act of mercy. 

E’Chon nearly convinced himself of that when he brought his blade down. 

Kylo could feel his knight go cold.  His body shook as the weight of his action took over him.  An unarmed, prone being…he’d just killed…murdered…murdered…he was a murderer.  It was not a battle…murder…he’d murdered… 

“Proceed.” 

The voice of the spirit rang through the chamber, bored and languid.  E’Chon started at it and the detached sound of it.  Did it know what it had done to him?  Could it feel what this place was doing to his mind. 

The other bodies vanished and Mako spoke, “It’s…the heat has lifted.” 

Gaius darted forward, _‘E’Chon!  E’Chon it’s…it’s not your fault.  This place made you…a-and…besides, they  weren’t even alive, not really.  You saw them disappear…E’Chon…don’t…don’t think that about yourself, you didn’t…you’re not…’_

Gaius thoughts stopped as the big knight looked over at him from his crouched position.  E’Chon was too ashamed to speak as he looked at his smallest brother.  A sound crept through the dual filters of the knight’s mask.  It was a wordless quiet sound, a whimper as he tried and failed to hold back tears.  Kylo’s heart broke along with his brother’s as E’Chon threw his arms around Gaius. 

Kylo growled.  This place had mocked them.  It threatened Hux, it hurt his knights and twisted their minds.  He was going to make it pay.  He was going to destroy whatever it threw at him.  He was going to end it.  If this place had a life, he would take it.  The Temple would pay for this and everything else. 

“Get the other two up,” Kylo growled at Mako and Seigurd as he knelt by Hux.  He hauled the unconscious General up, carrying him over his shoulders. 

“Master?” asked Seigurd, his eyes wide as he took in the anger flowing out of Kylo with reckless abandon. 

Kylo snarled, “I’m ending this!  Right now!” 


	34. Tears that still drip sore (part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's official, I've been writing Kylux for a year. Feb 25th was my anniversary :) 
> 
> To celebrate, have some more angst...sorry.

Hux didn’t recall much regarding the moments before he fell asleep.  He remembered feeling strange, ill, and speaking with Kylo.  He could recall lying down, and then…he thought he might have dreamed.  He felt like he had one, but as for the contents, he simply couldn’t remember.  However, he was surprised to find himself slung across Kylo’s shoulder like a hunter’s prize.  Hux pulled at the arm he felt held fast in Kylo’s grip. 

“Kylo?  What’s happened?” asked Hux. 

The knight didn’t answer.  He tried to look around, catching sight of black robes and hearing the clicking of armour.  Were all the knights accounted for?  Hux was having a hard time figuring that out and it worried him, “Kylo, what’s happening?  Put me down.” 

Hux felt hands on him, rough as he was lowered and manoeuvered into a standing position.  Now that he was standing on his own feet and could look around, he saw that all seven knights were still present, but they were quiet.  Even without the Force he could feel a sort of tension.  Not between the knights, their body language wasn’t angry, except for Kylo.  They seemed shaken.  Something had happened to all or one of them that was making them all quiet, their faces downcast.  Hux tried once more, taking Kylo by the shoulders, “Tell me what happened!?” 

“We needed you…” said Kylo quietly. 

“I don’t understand what’s going on,” said Hux. 

“We needed you and you weren’t there!” snapped Kylo, pushing past Hux. 

Hux stood, stunned as Kylo moved past him, checking his shoulder hard enough to shove Hux out of the way. Hux was completely dumbfounded by the action.  Kylo had never struck him before, never pushed him.  Feeling the knight’s weight against him was a sharp reminder of which of them was the tactician and which was the warrior.  It hadn’t hurt, but it was astonishing.  Hux had been hit before, harder, but never by someone he had cared so much about before.  It felt…it felt…he didn’t have words, but it didn’t feel good. 

He looked at the other knights, “Someone, please, tell me what happened.” 

What had he done, or rather, not done, for this to happen?  Were they upset with him?  How had this happened, he didn’t understand.  Had he really failed hat badly?  Did they…was he not wanted anymore? 

Hathor came forward, quiet as he explained through his vocodor, “It wasn’t your fault.” 

Hux looked at the knights, seeing E’Chon especially looking so downtrodden was eerie.  Something was very, very wrong. 

“What…”Hux began, unsure of how to phrase his question. 

Suddenly he saw something, felt something.  He was back in the chamber from before, right after he had blacked out.  He was looking through the eyes of one of the knights, feeling their thoughts as he looked about.  He could see himself, Kylo perched nearby.  In a flash he could see more, one of the bodies on the other side of the chasm was suddenly active.  As Hathor and Eleo fell, he could see two more rise.  So…as they became ill the bodies became well. 

He heard the spirit’s voice, explaining the challenge and could feel the knight shudder.  He stayed by Eleo, feeling helpless as he watched the proceedings, hearing E’Chon’s thoughts as he took action and…

Hux gasped as the thoughts and feelings pulled out of his head.  Was this his fault?  If he had been awake would he have been able to figure out a way to subvert the challenge like before?  That was why he had come, he said he would help with planning, tactics and he hadn’t.  Then the knights had paid for it….

“It wasn’t your fault,” repeated Seigurd, “None could have predicted what the spirits would do.  It’s likely that they had removing you from the challenge in mind when concocting its design.” 

The words did nothing to comfort Hux.  This was his fault.  This had happened because he wasn’t able to help.  If he had been awake he might have been able to help, to think of something.  He didn’t know what but there must have been something he could have done… 

“Come on, we have to move ahead!” 

Hux shuddered.  He was used to Kylo snapping.  The man had a temper and Hux had learned how to handle it, but this felt different.  Kylo wasn’t snapping at him because he was frustrated or angry with something to do with rules or results from a mission that weren’t satisfactory.  Kylo was disappointed with him.  Kylo was angry at him. 

Hathor sighed, “He’s frustrated and doesn’t mean it.  I know that doesn’t help, but…it’s not you.  He has a lot on his mind.” 

Hux clenched his teeth, “Either this is my fault or it isn’t…” 

Hux approached E’Chon.  When he got closer he could see that the big knight was trembling, the way people did when they were in shock or trying to contain their feelings.  This was his fault.  He had been brought to do something and he had failed to pull his own weight.  Would E’Chon want to talk to him?  Want to see him?  He could still feel echoes of the big knight’s feelings.  How…torn apart he felt.  Hux had only felt it for a few brief moments, but it had been so terrible and overwhelming.  His mind immediately began trying to find ways to justify the action, but the emotional, gut-response that seemed to trump and overwhelm any logic Hux tried to throw at it.  The experience had brought back so many terrible memories that even if the actions could be justified, the trauma would still stay. 

He didn’t know where to begin apologizing, or expressing condolences.  He had never felt anything so profoundly awful in his life. 

He extended a hand, but wasn’t sure where to put it.  He couldn’t tell if E’Chon wanted to be touched or not, and Hux didn’t have words to express his regret.  Even if he couldn’t have stopped what happened, he hadn’t even been able to extend support.  With the mask he couldn’t read E’Chon’s expression, how he was responding.  He supposed that was how the Knights of Ren were.  Unreadable and blank to outsiders and only revealing their true selves to each other. 

E’Chon took a step forward and placed a hand at the small of Hux’s back, pulling him in closer.  Hux returned the gesture as best he could, unable to offer more than physical comfort.  He couldn’t send his feelings, as much as he wanted to.  Words and actions didn’t seem sufficient.  He wished he could just let the knight absorb his feelings.  He couldn’t, and for the first time Hux wished he could have been born with the sort of powers the knights possessed. 

E’Chon kept holding him, gentle despite everything he had been through and all his shaking.  He heard Eleo from somewhere beside him, “You want us to let you in, Red?” 

“Please…” Hux replied quietly. 

   *** 

_‘I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry, I couldn’t stop it.  I couldn’t do anything.  I’m so sorry-‘_

_‘Shh…honey, it’s okay.  We’ve all been stopped or tricked In this place.  It’s alright.’_

_‘Hathor?’_

_‘We’re all here.  We’re just…trying to calm down after that.  You can feel it, can’t you?’_

_‘I feel…so much sadness…exhaustion.  Exhausted sadness.’_

_‘It’s called ‘depression,’ Red.  And…yeah, this place has done a number on us.’_

_‘I never wanted this for any of you.  If I could have stopped it I would have.’_

_‘That was never in doubt, vessel…General.  We were simply…taxed.  If you could, would you share your feelings with us?’_

_‘I don’t know how.  Thoughts are coming out automatically and I don’t know how feelings can.’_

_‘T’is a  like thing.  Let your thoughts come without hindrance, let feelings do the same.  We will make our powers to assist the transference.’_

_‘I can sense E’Chon, but he’s quiet.’_

_‘He is now residing on the fringe of where our minds meet.  Mayhaps thou has heard us say, ‘tuning out.’_

_‘And where’s Kylo?  I can’t feel Kylo.  Where is he?’_

_‘He has severed his ties, for the moment, he doesn’t wish to commune.’_

_‘Sometimes we do that.  Sometimes having six people in your head with you gets overwhelming, or you just want some alone time.  He’s just frustrated, he didn’t mean what he did.’_

_‘But if he’s not connected, how do you know?’_

_‘We can all feel how much he cares for you.  We can’t excuse what he did, I plan on giving him an earful for it…but please trust us.  He still loves you.’_

_‘Please, General, if you can…I can’t think of anything to say to him.  I’ve tried sending feelings but…they’re coming out forced, I just…I don’t know what to do.  He’s never been like this.  Can you try?  Please?’_

_‘I’ll try, I’m just…not sure how to do it.’_

_‘Don’t think, Red.  Just feel.  Focus on what you would want E’Chon to feel.  The stronger and more natural the feeling, the more genuine it feels.’_

_‘So Gaius can’t…’_

_‘I’m so worried, it’s overpowering everything else I try to send…’_

_‘I’ll try…I’ve never…I’m trying…’_

   *** 

Hux closed his eyes to try to focus harder.  He focused on the feeling he wanted E’Chon to feel.  All of the regret and condolences.  Then, those seemed to be out of his system, more feelings came, feelings that Kylo had been helping him explore and giving him the words to describe.  Things like comfort, support, concern, and something new.  It had been a hard feeling for Hux to identify, because to his knowledge he hadn’t felt it before he had met the Knights of Ren.  It was the feeling of missing something, not feeling whole because someone wasn’t with him or was experiencing something terrible.  He still didn’t know the word for it, or if there could even be a word for it. 

He sent the feelings, waiting, wondering if they were reaching E’Chon.  Just as he was wondering if it was useless he felt the knight coming back into the connection.  There was a sort of energy that hadn’t been there before and was growing stronger.  There was still something that felt off about it, like the twisting feeling a person got in their gut before walking down an unfamiliar hallway in the dark all alone.  E’Chon still felt torn, tormented by what the Temple had put him through. 

After some time, just sending feelings and trying to coax the knight out again, Hux began to feel something.  It was soft, comforting, pleasant, like stroking a small animal and suddenly feeling calmer.  He wasn’t sure where he had felt the feeling before, he couldn’t recall having a pet, but the feeling was still there.  Physically, he felt himself being pulled closer against a solid body.  With so much going on in his head, he’d lost track of where he was physically.  Hux didn’t think, aside from Kylo, that he’d never held or let himself be held by another man for so long before. 

E’Chon seemed to have come back, not strong, but he was there.  Hux could feel so many things from him, powerful things.  Pain from sad memories and shame.  Hux sent feelings of comfort and he could feel other knights joining in.  He could feel the differences between them as distinctly as if he was hearing different accents, and surprisingl he could figure out all of them.  Gaius was back first, bringing feelings of…community.  A big group of people gathered together, like the raucous campfire groups he’d seen as a cadet.  Hathor was next, pleasantly cool, as if Hux had been wandering under the hot sun and was suddenly caught up in a cool breeze.  Mako was…floral, some flower that Hux had never smelled before, with all the petals drifting around.  Eleo was the addictive feeling of making a connection, discovering how something worked and the excitement when suddenly everything worked and made perfect sense.  Sigurd was…it was overwhelming, feeling pure power in his fingertips and feeling like nothing could stop him. 

They were all back, except for Kylo. 

“He’s upset.  So much of this is out of his control, it’s starting to really get to him, especially since there isn’t much he can do about it,” explained Eleo, “Doesn’t excuse anything, it’s just so you know that none of this was your fault.”

“Indeed,” said E’Chon, much more quietly than Hux had ever heard him speak before, as he reached up and patted Hux on the head, “You’re not to blame for this.” 

“Come on, let’s go calm Kylo down so I can give him a piece of my mind,” huffed Hathor. 

“Are you alright now, biggest brother?” asked Gaius, before amending, “Enough to keep going?” 

“I will not let this place defeat me!” declared E’Chon, regaining some volume as he spoke. 

   ***

It didn’t take long to catch up to Kylo.  Hux had disconnected from the knights, finding it difficult to walk when there was so much flying through his mind.  Kylo’s stance was different though.  He stood outside the door, calmer, with his face downcast.  He looked up, briefly, before looking down again.  Hux couldn’t tell if he had rejoined the connection or not, if the unspoken dialogue of thoughts and feelings was currently flying about.  Either way, it was a conversation that he wasn’t privy to. 

Someone pushed him forward.  Turning slightly Hux could see that it was Gaius, gently nudging him forward.  Kylo took a slight step towards him, “I…shouldn’t have pushed you.” 

“No, you shouldn’t have,” agreed Hux, unable to help the salt that crept into his voice. 

Kylo retreated from the slight step he had taken.  He waited a moment, now more than likely talking with his knights, seeking advice.  Kylo sighed, “I got frustrated.  Everyone’s been through so much and there’s been nothing I could do about it.  I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“I’m not the only one you left behind you know,” noted Hux. 

“Yes…I know,” said Kylo quietly. 

   ***  

_‘I’m an idiot, I’m sorry.’_

_‘I wouldn’t say idiot, just rash dear.  Of course, do that again and I won’t just let you off with a warning.’_

_‘As if you could take him, priss.’_

_‘It’s okay Kylo just watch out for your temper.  Consoles are one thing, but you can’t hit the General like that.’_

_‘I know…I feel so awful about that.  And E’Chon, I didn’t mean to leave you, but I did and I’m so sorry.  I’m just so sick of feeling useless.  I wish there was a way to become more powerful, so I never have to feel like this again.’_

_‘You will, you’re the strongest of us all, Master of Ren.’_

_***_

Hux cocked his brow as more time passed.  He sighed through his nose before asking, “Do you all mind?” 

“Just sorting something out,” said Kylo, glancing behind himself at the door, “This might be the last one.  I don’t know if the Temple will have one for Hux or not.” 

“T’is a quandary…he is one of our party, yet blind to the Force,” agreed Mako. 

“The first Force-Null to challenge the Living Temple and succeed,” noted Seigurd, “It would be an extraordinary accomplishment.” 

“The point is, this challenge is either for me or for Hux.  That means two possibilities.  Any idea of what sort of tests could be waiting?” asked Kylo. 

“You don’t know what your own challenge would be?” asked Eleo. 

“I don’t know…I could come up with a list of weaknesses, but this place has a way of taking us by surprise,” explained Kylo. 

 _‘Would talking out loud help us, or do you think the spirits would just use it all against us?’_ Gaius chimed in. 

“He has a point,” added Hux, “Though this place has been in our heads.  I’m not sure we could say anything that it hasn’t already figured out about us.” 

“I still do not approve of it, my opinion remains unchanged!” declared E’Chon. 

“Yeah, it blows chunks,” grumbled Eleo. 

“So you all think we should just…face whatever’s in there?” asked Kylo. 

“We’ll be with you dear,” said Hathor, drawing his blade, “No matter what it is, we’ll help you face it.” 

Kylo nodded, “I’m glad you’re still with me after that…let’s do this.” 

Hux drew his blaster and stood at the ready, following behind Kylo as the knight opened the door and set his saber ablaze, prepared for battle.  The rest of the knights followed in after, likewise prepared. 

The temple hadn’t prepared a battle for them though.  They were in another chamber, a small one, though with enough room to accommodate their numbers.  Hux looked around for signs of traps or unusual features.  There were none.  In everything but size, it resembled the chamber where Gaius had the pressure challenge.  There were no bodies, no knights, nothing to bring back memories like Eleo’s challenge; just an empty room. 

Hux peered around Kylo and finally saw something of note.  It was a child, small, blubbering in the middle of the room.  He was clad in clothing that seemed to be from the Republic.  Hux was unfamiliar with trends, but he had a hunch that the boy, if it was really a boy, was from the New Republic.  Hux cocked his head to the side as he looked around the room once more.  Was it a trap?  Console the child and trigger some punishment or another. 

The boy kept crying loudly, sobbing into his sleeves as he sat, curled in on himself.  The only part of him visible were long, wild, dark curls that tumbled as he shook with each sob.  Hux stepped from behind Kylo, keeping his hand on his blaster as he spoke, “Hello.” 

The boy stiffened, trying to contain his crying immediately.  He still hiccupped as he tried to catch his breath.  Hux arched his brow, “Can you tell us who you are?” 

“B-Ben…M-my name is…Ben…” 

Hux felt something behind him, like a sort of surge, as if everyone had taken a gasp.  He wasn’t sure why, it was just a child… 

“Ben,” said Hux, remaining calm and taking a step forward, “Can you tell us how you got here?” 

“I-I…I don’t know…” sobbed the boy, tightening his arms around himself, “I miss my mom…” 

There didn’t seem to be a trap at all.  Was this the challenge?  Get the boy back to his mother?  It didn’t seem like a particularly malevolent challenge. 

“Ben,” Hux said, repeating the boy’s name to try to reassure him.  He took another step forward, a small one, “Do you know where this place is?” 

The boy shook his head, his dark curls bouncing. 

“Hux, stop!” 

Hux turned sharply.  Even behind the mask Kylo sounded urgent, horrified.  Was there a trap he hadn’t noticed?  Hux looked around and found nothing.  He looked at Kylo, “I don’t know what this challenge is.  I’m just trying to-”

“Stop talking to him,” repeated Kylo, reaching out as if trying to draw Hux back in, “Please…just stop.” 

Hux looked at the boy, wondering how a child could have such a profound effect on the knights.  They seemed dumbfounded, unable to act.  Hux turned back to the boy as the child spoke, “P-please…don’t leave me alone…I’m scared…” 

“Kylo, would you please tell me what’s going on?” said Hux more anxiously. 

“I don’t know what this is, but don’t listen to him,” growled Kylo, “Just…let’s try the door on the other side of the room.  He’s not a real child.  The spirits conjured him up.” 

“How do you know?” asked Hux. 

“Honey, let’s just…let’s give him some space and try the door,” said Hathor, his voice shaking as he reached for Hux’s arm. 

Hux could only watch the child as he was pulled towards the other side of the chamber by Hathor.  As they neared the boy finally uncovered his face.  His dark brown eyes were red and puffy from crying and his long nose was dripping.  What caught Hux’s eye were the moles on the boy’s face.  He knew those marks.  He had spent nights tracing them, drawing imaginary lines between them.  He was so intimately familiar with them that he never could have mistaken the pattern. 

He looked back at Kylo.  It was him?  His name had been ‘Ben’ before he had joined the knights?  He still didn’t understand the challenge.  Was the room communicating with Kylo, giving him instructions that Hux couldn’t hear? 

Unlike the other chambers, Mako exited without any problems.  As did E’Chon, Eleo and Seigurd.  Hux pulled away as Hathor and Gaius tried to pull him through, looking at Kylo, wordlessly pleading for some information as to what was happening or what the knight was going through. 

The boy, Ben, looked at him, “Murtagh...please…I miss my mom…I want to see my mom…Murtagh, help me!” 

“Shut up!” snapped Kylo, causing the boy to jump, “Hathor, get him out!  Close the door!” 

Hux felt himself violently being pulled back, with Ben reaching out towards him, begging for help.  No.  It wasn’t Kylo.  It was just another illusion, but still, this all felt…

“General…this is Kylo’s challenge,” Hathor explained quietly, “The Temple spirits want him to do it alone.” 

“Why?” asked Hux, “Would someone please tell me what’s going on?” 

“You are aware that our Master of Ren experiences frequent pulls to the light?” said Seigurd.  Hux nodded, and the knight gestured to the door. 

“That child his is the embodiment of that call.  The temple wishes for him to silence it.” 

Silence?  Hurt the child?  Kill him?  Hux stared at the door in disbelief.  He wasn’t naïve enough to think that his orders or Kylo’s missions had never killed children.  It was a consequence of war, one that Hux knew so well from the months of bombings during the fighting on Arkanis.  Still, now that he was witnessing it, had seen the child, it felt…

“He wants to do it alone,” said Eleo, who seemed unable to resist shaking his head, “Even if the spirits weren’t telling him he had to, Kylo would want to do this alone.” 

“Who is he…he doesn’t talk about his past,” said Hux, looking back at the door and wanting more than anything to run through it. 

“It is for him to say…” said Mako consolingly. 

Kylo had mentioned a call to the light, the light that had been allied with the Old Republic, and seemingly the New Republic as well if General Organa was any indication.  If so, was Kylo from the New Republic?  Did his mother live there?  Was his call to the light a desire to be reunited with his family again? 

Hux could hardly say he blamed the knight.  One of the main differences between the Order and the Republic were familial attachments.  The Order was distant, wanting their children to grow up strong, not in need of the coddling New Republic children made themselves weak with.  But Hux had wanted it.  When he heard scoffing about mothers spoiling their children by kissing bumps and scrapes or being sung to before bed, Hux, as a child, had wanted that.  When he grew up he had justified it, that it had been necessary to make him the man he was, but he had wanted that sort of love and care so badly. 

It was no wonder Ren felt called to it.  Hux always worried that perhaps Ren would leave him for the light, for this old family of his.  He would have understood, but he knew if it happened that it had hurt like nothing in his life had before. 

And now Kylo was being told to silence that call, to diminish the pull to the light.  Hux watched the door anxiously.  He didn’t want Kylo to kill the child, to harm him in any way.  He knew if Kylo did that it would be devastating.  Hux found himself, strangely, wanting Ren to emerge, saying he had failed, that he couldn’t do it.  Hux was willing to live with the risk of losing the knight if it meant not having to face such a challenge. 

The seconds ticked by in silent agony.  Ever second was one that Kylo was choosing, deliberating, what he ought to do with the call to the light.  Perhaps…perhaps he didn’t have to kill the boy.  Perhaps it was like Seigurd’s challenge where all he had to do was see through it.  The Temple was cruel, but surely the spirits knew the Knights of Ren were Sith, that their alignment was mixed.  They had to know that the call might be silenced, but from what Hux understood, it would return.  A symbolic destruction of it might be traumatic, but it wouldn’t eliminate it. 

The door remained shut for what felt like days as Hux waited for Kylo to come out.  How could Kylo stay in there for so long?  Was there more to the challenge?  Hux hoped there was.  Kylo could take on any physical challenge he was met with.  He hoped the challenge changed, that something gave, that Kylo wasn’t faced with doing something so terrible… 

The door opened.  Kylo was so massive that Hux couldn’t see behind him.  The doors closed behind the knight and Hux stood rooted to the spot.  Kylo approached, announcing, “Ben Solo was weak and foolish like his father…” 

The knights were at full attention, approaching their leader in silence.  Kylo closed in on Hux, standing almost chest to chest as he reached up to pull away his mask.  The face beneath it wasn’t one Hux recognized.  The knight’s face was streaked with tears, his eyes shining as he finished his declaration with a choking gasp,

“…so I destroyed him…”


	35. Tears that still drip sore (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely got this done on time so I hope it's good. Just a heads up, I may need to take a hiatus this weekend since I'm going to Tokyo to meet some Kylux people. Things aren't looking too busy, but I'm finding I don't like writing on my office time here because anyone who walks by my desk would be able to read what I'm writing (whereas before they would only know I was writing something in English). Also, I caught a cold, so I'm gonna be sick this week. :(

There was a long silence and Hux felt his heart drop.  Kylo…Ben…Kylo had destroyed a small, helpless child.  Even if it was an illusion, the thought did nothing to help Hux overcome his state of shock.  He wasn’t so naïve as to think this never happened, that children never died in war, but having seen the child, or copy of one, and how vulnerable he had been, it caused his heart and stomach to twist in on themselves.  He couldn’t justify it.  It didn’t feel right, even if it was a fake. 

“Why…why aren’t you happy?” asked Kylo. 

Kylo stepped forward, his face looking gaunt and wan.  He stretched out a hand towards Hux, “You…you especially worried about it.  You didn’t say it, but I could sense it.  This should make you happy.  I can overcome it, you don’t have to be afraid of losing me anymore.” 

Hux involuntarily took a step back.  He couldn’t help it.  This didn’t feel or look like Kylo.  He seemed twisted, warped by what he had done into something that wasn’t himself.  Was this Kylo without the light?  Was this what he became when he let the darkness take over completely?  It was frightening.  Hux couldn’t control the Force, or feel it, but something in the air felt wrong.  It made him feel ill. 

Kylo tried to close the gap between them, “It’s okay…he’s gone.  Maybe now I won’t feel those things anymore.  Don’t be afraid, Hux…” 

“Kylo…” Hux managed to gasp out, unable to think of anything else to say.  He was too frightened, to disturbed by what he was seeing. 

“STOP BEING AFRAID OF ME!” shouted Kylo.  He reached out and Hux felt himself being pulled forward until Kylo was gripping him by the front of his vest, “I DID THIS FOR _YOU_!” 

Hux twisted his face, trying to get away or at least not look at Kylo like this.  This was wrong.  This didn’t feel like Kylo at all, but it was.  He couldn’t say exactly how or why he knew it, but he did.  This was Kylo, physically, but destroying his former self…the small helpless child who wanted to see his mother again…it had done this to him. 

 _'Kylo,'_ said Gaius cautiously, a hand on his short sword, _'Put him down.'_

Kylo looked around and laughed.  His voice started small, but it echoed off the chambers, sounding like a broken, gurgling pipe.  Hux felt the hair on the back of his hand stand up as Kylo grinned at his knights, “This is what always happens in those Sith legends, isn’t it?  The knights and apprentices turn on their master.  Does any one of you believe, in all seriousness, that you can defeat me?” 

Hux stiffened as he hazarded a look at Kylo’s face, “Kylo…your eyes…” 

Kylo arched a brow, accenting the golden tint that had somehow leaked into his irises.  He was still grinning, confident, satisfied, smug, as he pulled Hux in closer, “You should be flattered, General.  So many powerful men are ready to throw themselves beneath my blade for your sake.  I can sense that the prospect thrills you.” 

He looked up at his knights, “I won’t hurt him, you know I won’t.” 

“Don’t be like your grandfather, don’t do what he did,” warned Hathor quickly.  

“I said,” Kylo growled through gritted teeth, dragging the back of his hand over Hux’s cheek, “I won’t hurt him.” 

“Then pray, release him,” said Mako, nodding at the hand Kylo kept on Hux’s vest. 

Kylo let out a bark of laughter before pulling Hux closer, “I’ve seen what’s in your minds.  Perhaps I don’t want to release him.  I sensed it while he slept, he’s suffered.  I can keep him safe, I can end his suffering.” 

He looked at Seigurd, “You were right, so right about the darkness.  So much power, without limits, I can feel it in this place.”  Kylo lifted Hux by the vest, as if examining him under a light like a lab sample, “And him, he’s so full of darkness, like an untapped well.” 

Hux couldn’t see what Seigurd was feeling with his helmet on, but he remained silent, still gripping his blade as Kylo grinned.  Hux spoke, trying to reason with him, “You’re not acting like yourself.” 

“Oh?” asked Kylo, amused by the statement. 

“You aren’t.  You’d never hold me like this,” said Hux.  He was trying to stay calm, but try as he might fear kept creeping into his voice, “Kylo, you’re not like this.  If you’d just look at our thoughts you would see that.” 

“I’ve grown so powerful that I can see past your thoughts,” purred Kylo, “It’s alright…I feel it too.” 

Hux looked out at the knights.  How were they supposed to stop this?  How were they supposed to stop Kylo from completely giving into the dark?  Even Seigurd was too overcome with shock and fear to be enthralled by the darkness.  Kylo wasn’t Kylo without the light.  Without that bit of light in him he was an uncontrollable force of nature.  Hux feared, feeling the knight’s grip on him, that nothing could stop him. 

“I sense so much fear in you, shame…buried for so long, carefully contained and hidden away.  But those treatments and conditioning won’t hold it.  I can make the voices stop,” assured Kylo, “I can do anything.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” said Hux slowly, trying to keep his voice even.  Was Ren going to do something to his mind?  No, he wouldn’t.  Kylo would never invade his mind like that.  He had promised, he knew how protective Hux was of his thoughts and privacy. 

“The dog, the one you had for years and years,” said Kylo, an amused smile crossing his lips. 

Hux furrowed his brow. 

“I never had a dog,” said Hux, shaking his head and pulling at Kylo’s hand. 

The knight scoffed, letting Hux drop.  Strangely though, he couldn’t move. He looked at the knights, noting their trembling.  Were they being held in place by the Force as well.  Kylo turned, looking at Hux face to face, “You poor thing, they said you were of no use when you were in so much pain.  So you hid it, created more pleasant memories in their place so you could work.  Though through it all you never understood why you had this…aversion to attachment.” 

“Kylo, stop.  Let us go,” said Hux firmly. 

“So you can attack me?  Betray me?  Don’t think I haven’t read ancient tales about the Sith,” said Kylo. 

Hux took a breath through his nose, recalling one of his first conversations with Gaius, “The Knights of Ren aren’t like that.  You’re connected.  Feel what they’re feeling.  Losing a knight would be devastating.” 

“You think you can lecture me?” asked Kylo, tilting Hux’s chin before adding teasingly, “Force-Null?” 

“Kylo, they need you,” said Hux, remaining firm, “Whatever you think you’re fixing by giving yourself to this power, it isn’t working.” 

There was a glimmer in Kylo’s eyes as the gold flickered and returned, only to glow a steady yellow once more.  Kylo looked down, taking a step back before getting back into Hux’s face, “I have the power to do anything.  I can take away the pain.  I can protect them.  I feel like I would even have the power to keep them from dying.  I had to feel their hurt six times over.  Now I can stop it, and you want me to just let it all go?” 

“Yes.” 

The answer was instantaneous.  Hux was shocked to hear six voices ringing out loud in his ears.  Kylo turned and the knights spoke,

“I’m afraid to watch others die, but this isn’t you.  You’re not the man I swore to follow.” 

“It hurt, but we learned from it.  If you keep us away from everything that might hurt us, we can’t grow.” 

“Darkness is the truest path to power, but it is not worth your mind.  This is unnatural for you.” 

“Consuming fear was a wretched thing to bear, yet I would face it tenfold more to avoid this state.” 

“If there’s one thing I know, you’ve got to be what you are, and this isn’t you.” 

“Our Master would not harm our General!  Intentionally or not!” 

Kylo looked over the knights, faltering before returning to Hux, “You…you’ve poisoned them against me.” 

“No, you’re trying to cut out a part of yourself that you need.  Maybe someday you can let go, but for now, you need Ben,” said Hux. 

“That isn’t my name!” snapped Kylo. 

“It was once, and you can’t deny that.  Denying it is hurting you.  Someday perhaps you can live without the light, but that time isn’t now,” said Hux, trying to be reasonable, “When you’re ready you can let it go, but for now…I’ll live with it.  I don’t mind the uncertainty so long as you never become…become like this.” 

“No…” growled Kylo, his eyes glowing. 

Hux felt himself being let go.  He put a hand on Kylo’s shoulder, “It’s alright…let it back in.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but let it back in.  If it’s the only way to have our Kylo back, then so be it.” 

“I…I did that for you!  I killed…” Kylo snapped, faltering into a repressed sob. 

“It’s over now,” Hux tried to assure him, “It’s all over.  You don’t have to be like this, not if it’s hurting you.” 

“I don’t want to feel this,” said Kylo, the gold in his eyes fading away, “I hate it…I feel torn.  I want both sides so badly but to lose one to have the other is…I hate it…” 

It was the most vulnerable Hux had ever seen one of the knights.  Even after all the challenges, he was seeing a part of Kylo he never knew existed, one that had been carefully hidden away.  Somewhere, Kylo had another family, one that he missed, one that he had left far away to join the Knights of Ren.  His mother…he had a mother he missed.  Hux remembered his step-mother.  She hadn’t been cruel, just distance.  His birth-mother…he didn’t really remember her, but sometimes he found himself missing her.  And Ren felt that more dearly, more intimately, it had to be so much worse. 

The strange yellow colour was nearly gone.  Hux hazarded pulling Kylo closer to himself as he spoke as softly as he could, “Let them go now.  Please?  Let them in and stop holding them back.” 

He felt Kylo grip him tightly, “…I’m sorry…” 

It was a relief to hear and feel Kylo, his Kylo, the one he knew, return to his senses.  He pulled Hux closely against him as his sobbing came to a crescendo, pausing only to say he was sorry.  Sorry for scaring him.  Sorry for using the Force against him.  Sorry for the shove.  Sorry for bringing him to this wretched place.  Sorry for everything.  

Hux felt other arms and hands around them, now able to recognize the touch and feel of other knights.  He kept Kylo close for as long as he needed while he apologized to each knight in turn out loud.  How E’Chon needed support too and he was being selfish.  How he had gotten jealous with Eleo.  His inability to help Mako, Hathor, Gaius or Seigurd.  It was strange to hear apologies from Kylo, since he was usually so rash.  He seemed so much like a child like this, like Ben…it seemed there was a whole other side to Kylo that Hux knew nothing about. 

“I’m sorry...” Kylo whispered again. 

“It’s over,” Hux replied, giving Kylo another squeeze, “No more challenges, they’re all finished now.  We can go home.” 

Kylo pulled back, “I…I don’t know about that…” 

He wiped his eyes and nose with the palm of his gloved hand, slipping from Hathor and Seigurd’s grip as he pulled back a little, “I can’t say for sure…it’s just a gut feeling.  I think you’re going to have to face something.  Something about a dog…” 

Hux shook his head, “I’ve never owned a dog in my life.” 

“Hux…think back.  You were upset about something, really upset.  It was so bad that you couldn’t focus, so your teachers said you should submit yourself for reconditioning.  That if you did it yourself it looked better than a superior sending you there,” explained Kylo. 

“Yes, I remember that…” said Hux quietly.  He furrowed his brow, “But, Kylo, it wasn’t a dog.  It was a fight with my father…just teenage emotions getting out of control.” 

“Hux, I need you to really think back, as hard as you can.  Would you really be so upset about some fight over nothing?” asked Kylo. 

Hux shook his head, “It was a hormonal imbalance and it’s corrected now.  It was just a health problem, basically a preventative medical proceedure.  I’m not sure how you found out about it, but it’s nothing you need to worry about.” 

“No, Hux, I felt it,” insisted Kylo, “When I had all of that power I could sense the spirits, all of them, I could hear them.  That’s why you have to remember before they spring this on you.” 

 _‘Spring what on him?’_ asked Gaius. 

“I felt it, I’ll try to show all of you,” said Kylo, going quiet as he relayed the information to the knights. 

Hathor looked at Hux, his voice sounding stupefied, “You…altered your mind?” 

“I…I had to,” protested Hux. 

“General, for the length of time we’ve known you, your main worry in accepting our powers has been the danger to your mind,” said Seigurd. 

“Yeah, I mean, I get it, sometimes you have stuff you don’t want other people to see but…this doesn’t seem like you,” said Eleo, “Too much for a little fight with your dad.” 

“I concur!” agreed E’Chon loudly, “Our General fears nothing!” 

“Then, pray, why would such a desperate move be made?” asked Mako. 

“I…I was young, there were hormones and chemicals out of balance.  Little things would upset them.  It was to help me with my work,” Hux tried to explain, but as the words left his mouth, they sounded horribly unconvincing. 

What had triggered it?  He remembered a fight.  He supposed he wasn’t supposed to remember the details so as not to reverse the conditioning.  All he could remember was being upset with his father.  More than upset, devastated.  He remembered after…whatever had happened…their relationship changed.  He remembered a sort of distance and uneasiness between them, plenty of criticism, but never hate.  After…something happened…he hated his father.  He avoided him.  He couldn’t remember why but until the man died Hux had kept his difference. 

A dog.  Kylo kept talking about a dog.  Was there a dog?  He couldn’t remember one, as hard as he tried.  He had seen holopics and vids with dogs in them, but he had never seen a live one in front of him before.  What would a dog have to do with anything? 

Hux arched his brow.  Just beside Kylo, by his foot, there was a red ribbon.  It seemed…familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it.  Ribbon…birthday.  It had been a formality but he had birthdays, an excuse to invite high ranking officers over.  There were never children, just grown-ups talking under the pretense of celebrating his birthday.  But at the end, if he was quiet and behaved himself, he would get a present, a small trinket.  He could remember them all since he seldom received new things, living in the far reaches of the outer rim.  Mostly practical things, a time telling device, a pad with a schedule he could modify programed into it, and…one year was different.  He got his present after everyone left because it was… 

Hux pointed at the ribbon, “Kylo, is there a note attached to it?” 

Kylo looked down, stooping to pick up the ribbon by his boot.  He swallowed, not making a sound as he held it out, “No…but…” 

Hux took the ribbon and examined it.  There was no note, just a tag, one crudely engraved by an unskilled hand with an overused diamond drill. 

_‘Molly’_


	36. I'm Gonna Tear You Apart And Make You See

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: for traumatic animal death and parental abuse. If this upsets you, I'm terribly sorry and maybe you might want to give this chapter a miss. 
> 
> Also, I'm going to have to take another break since I'm going to Tokyo again for a weekend. Also, Eight is moving away soon, so most of early April is going to be spent taking some time to hang out with them before they leave. I may need to take a bit of a hiatus. I feel bad about it, but their my best friend and I don't want to miss any time I might have with them.

Hux furrowed his brow.  The name was familiar, the way a dream that had half faded when he woke could barely be recalled.  He knew the name, but he couldn’t place it.  It was a common enough female name on Arkanis.  He had probably known plenty of Mollys, but the ribbon…he knew the ribbon.  His father never bothered with wrapping gifts, that was something his step-mother had always done.  It had always been important to her that appearances be kept.  Even if Hux’s birthday gifts were little formalities, they ought to at least look nice.  Hux recalled his father once saying, ‘He’s a boy.  He’s not interested in the ribbons anyhow.  They’ll just be thrown away.’ 

It was the exact ribbon his step-mother always chose.  A red one, very bright and pretty.  One that showed off her good taste briefly before Hux carefully pulled it away from whatever his little gift was.  He would have known it anywhere.  The width and vibrant colour were unmistakable. 

“I didn’t own a dog…” Hux wondered out loud. 

He hadn’t.  Or…had he?  There was one present he couldn’t remember.  It had been his seventh…no, eighth birthday.  He didn’t get his present when all the grown-ups were over.  His father made a point of saying that it was special and he would have to wait until everyone was gone before he could have it.  Surely he would remember something so different, and yet, he couldn’t recall it at all. 

The fight.  The one he had erased from his memory.  They had been fighting over…Hux couldn’t recall, it had been buried deep inside his mind.  Hux could only remember the vague feeling of it; anger, betrayal, a paralyzing sadness.  He had been assured when the reconditioning was finished that it was normal for teenagers to fight with their parents and feel those things, and that it was best that he had been reconditioned.  It took so long for those hormones and emotions to run their course and balance out. 

If he couldn’t recall his birthday gift, or the fight, it made sense that the two were somehow linked.  Had the present been taken away?  Had his father done something to it?  Or his step-mother?  Had the present been…

“I don’t remember…but when I was eight, I think I had a dog,” said Hux slowly, trying to remain calm as he looked over the ribbon. 

“Okay, that’s a start,” said Kylo assuringly, breathing a sigh of relief. 

“Her name must have been Molly,” said Hux, looking over the tag.  He shook his head, “I honestly can’t remember a thing.  The memories would have been supressed.  I’m not supposed to remember them.” 

“But if you had a dog during your childhood, you must have some memory of it,” said Hathor, “Those are an awful lot of memories to wipe.” 

“I…I’m trying.  I remember spending a lot of time alone, playing by myself.  I went to a junior training camp after I turned ten.  I don’t remember any animals except the cats that hunted for vermin in the storage buildings,” explained Hux. 

“Too close.” 

Hux froze.  The voice…it wasn’t in his head.  It was as if whoever was speaking was right next to him. 

He turned, expecting to see his father standing behind him, but that wasn’t the only thing he saw.  His father was there, but younger, like he remembered in his childhood.  Hux saw himself as well, younger, gangly, a bit too tall for his age, freckle-faced and thin.  Just as he suspected, his father handed him a dog, a puppy, depositing the warm, soft, creature carefully into the arms of his younger self.  Hux couldn’t remember, but his younger self was exstatic.  His blue-green eyes were wide, his mouth gaping open, eagerly asking if the dog was really, truly his. 

“She’s yours,” said his father, patting the boy on the head, “Take good care of her Murtagh.  She’s your responsibility.” 

“Thank you!  Thank you, thank you!” the younger Hux exclaimed.  The boy carefully shifted the dog’s weight so he could wrap an arm around his father’s waist, “I’ll take care of her!  You’re the best dad in the galaxy!” 

 _‘I don’t understand…’_ began Gaius, slipping his hand in Hux’s, ‘ _You seem happy.  Why would you want to forget this?’_

“I’m starting to remember a little now…” said Hux slowly, stepping forward to examine the memory that was being shown to him, his younger self adoringly pressed against his father.  He also noticed, a slight detail a naïve boy might pay no mind to, that his father hadn’t been patting him on the head, he had been trying to pry the young hux and his little yellow dog away from his uniform to keep hair off of it.  Hux touched his own head.  He remembered the way his father had stroked his hair.  Had it always just been a way to try to shoo him off?  No…it had always been just that.  Hux could remember now.  He always wanted his father’s affection, but he was always being shoved away.  Those memories…the ones where his father cared for him…they had been fake. 

“I don’t like this…” said Eleo hesitantly, drawing his blaster and holding it at the ready. 

“I remember…I wasn’t playing alone.  Molly was there too,” said Hux.  With one memory returned it had started a chain reaction, undoing all of the careful conditioning.  He began remembering the weeks after his birthday and how happy he had been, then the happiness giving way to frustration when he was having trouble teaching Molly to roll over and being scolded by his step-mother for always being covered in paw prints.  He remembered cold nights, holding his puppy close in his bed to keep her warm, and his elation when his father allowed Molly to have her bowl in the dining room, right by his chair so they could all eat together.  Hux furrowed his brow at his father’s expression.  He wasn’t proud or happy about granting his son’s request.  There was something off about it, and the way he silenced his wife’s protest in a hushed voice, carefully muttering something that his son wouldn’t be able to hear.    

The memories all played out as he recalled them.  Seeing days he was sick, and his faithful companion would be perched on his bed, whimpering because he couldn’t play.  Hours spent reading about dogs and new tricks he could try to teach her.  He remembered thinking he was a little like his father, and striving to train his little ‘troop’ to be perfect, just like the soldiers the Commandant trained. 

He remembered how sad he was when he had to go away to do his junior training.  He remembered failing to fight back tears as he made his step-mother promise, over and over, that she would take good care of Molly and follow his instructions exactly.  He kept a little holo-pic of her in his boot-locker.  Even when he had grown and boys were starting to put pics of exotic women in skimpy clothes in their lockers, he kept the one of Molly.  And he remembered how overjoyed he was when he came home. 

Every time he returned for leave or a holiday, he would be happy beyond words to see Molly racing to see him.  He would take over all of her care regimen, giving her all of the special treats he had warned his step-mother not to spoil her with.  He had been so happy.  Hux couldn’t recall ever being that happy after being reconditioned.  He was experiencing all of these wonderful things that he had blocked for a reason he couldn’t…he blocked them because…because…

“…no…” 

Hux’s voice came out quavering.  The happy memories kept playing out before him.  Holidays, swimming, giving Molly baths, the thrill when she mastered a new trick, the pride when he showed off her new skills to his father.  It was all coming to something horrible.  Hux felt dread rising in his throat.  He ran forward, grabbing at the phantoms only to have his hands pass through them.  He snatched at them, flailing wildly to try to make them disappear. 

“No!  Don’t show them that!  Anything but that!” Hux shouted. 

He whirled around, wondering if he looked as wide-eyed and wild as he felt, “Please…don’t watch!  No matter what, don’t watch!” 

Hux’s blood froze when he heard how it all started.  He was ten.  He had finished his junior training.  He had a whole month at home before he began his real training.  To be a real member of the First Order.  That was something he’d wanted more than anything.  It was the highest honour to join the Order, everything else wasn’t nearly as useful.  He was so desperate to be useful, for his parents to approve of him.  He was sure if he joined the Order his father might hug him back or touch his face the way other parents did with their children.  Even if he did bad things…Hux wanted to make him proud so badly.    

It was different this time because Molly didn’t come running to greet him as usual.  Instead his father had met him on the steps of the house.  Many of his friends, officers Hux had known since childhood, were standing with him.  Hux remembered his confusion, not knowing what was coming. 

“Father?” asked the young Hux, looking on as the men watched him come up the steps.  He remembered how awkward he felt, the eyes of all these men trained on him, clearly expecting something from him. 

“A moment, if you don’t mind,” said his father, waving his boy into the house without looking at him. 

The officers nodded and Hux bounded up the stairs into the house, glad to be away from their watchful eyes.  He looked at his father, “Sir?  What’s happen-”

“If you do not do exactly as I say, you will pray you’d never been born,” came the growling reply. 

Hux froze as he recalled the memory, seeing the flash of a small, concealed weapon in his father’s hand swiftly become obscured by a long sleeve.  His father would…he was going to…

Hux believed him at the time.  He had been terrified.  He had heard stories that cadets, not the junior ones, but the senior ones fought to the death, that the teachers encouraged them to do so, and that if cadets failed one too many times, they died.  Hux hadn’t believed it then.  He knew his father was a harsh man, but killing cadets?  It seemed too much, too extreme.  It wasn’t until another junior cadet ambushed him, nearly killed him, raving that his father had murdered his brother, that Hux began to believe the rumours.  More news of deaths and being shunned by his peers, some from hate and some from fear, brought Hux more isolation.  But it was alright…his father had to have a good reason for it.  He was just trying to make the Order better.  The cadets probably did something awful…his father was good, his father was fair…if he was threatening to kill him there had to be a good reason…

His father would kill him if he didn’t follow orders.  If he disobeyed whatever was coming, he was going to die.  He watched his younger self nod, trying to keep his timorous shaking under control. 

His father had placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, the pressure anchoring him to reality as he was lead through the house.  His father continued in a low voice, “You are going to prove the lengths to which the obedience of a First Order officer will extend.  If you fail, it won’t just be a disgrace, it will be a failing the Order may not recover from.  Those men keep our training programs running, and those programs will provide a stable future for the galaxy.  Show them their investment isn’t worthless.  If you dare disobey, there will be worse consequences than you can imagine.” 

He was lead outside, he found Molly tied to a post nailed fast into the ground.  She barked when she saw him, pulling on the rope and trying to run to greet him.  In a flash, the other men were standing around, watching carefully as Brendol spoke, “Gentlemen, you know my son and you know his pet.” 

A blaster was pressed into Hux’s hand and he watched his younger self become white with fear as he realized what was happening. 

“Cadet, shoot that animal.” 

   ***  

Kylo had never seen Hux in so much distress as when the final memory played out.  Kylo himself hadn’t been able to bring himself to watch.  He closed his eyes and listened for what he knew was coming.  There was the sound of a blast, a howl, another shot, then silence.  When he opened his eyes, the phantoms were gone and Hux was on the ground, crouched, running his hands through his hair and rocking on his heels. 

_‘…gods…’_

_‘That’s…who the hell would order…’_

_‘...so that’s why…’_

It didn’t end.  They saw more.  Hux at the Academy.  Hux trying to recover, hide his pain, assisting other classmates, trying to help them keep up so they could all be useful.  Tutoring a boy who needed just a little more help with maths than the teachers could give him.  Helping a girl who couldn’t seem to focus no matter what she tried.  Carrying things for a teacher’s assistant who had permanent ligament damage from serving the Empire.  Helping them gave him purpose, helped him heal from what he had done. 

Then Brendol would intervene.  If he decided Hux was too close, he would be ordered to kill.  It only ever took two words, ‘Too close.’  Like a code.  Then Hux would carefully, quickly, eliminate the target Brendol specified.  They watched Hux being trotted out as Brendol explained how perfectly detached his son was.  He didn’t require attachment.  He had been conditioned into the perfect weapon.  A sharp mind free from distractions.  Perfect in his loyalties.  Hux…both Huxs looked sickened by what they heard and saw. 

Then they saw another memory.  Hux, ragged, worn, curled up on his bunk, not wanting to see or speak with anyone.  Everyone he cared about, anyone he had ever wanted to be with.  They were gone.  They were gone because of him.  One of his instructors put a hand on his shoulder, “It looks better if you submit yourself, cadet.  It doesn’t hurt.  Just a little discomfort and it’s all over.” 

For the first time…Kylo felt doubt coming from Hux.  Doubt about the righteousness of the First Order. 

“Hux?” Kylo called quietly, stepping cautiously towards him. 

“I remember everything…” muttered Hux. 

“Hux, it’s over now…whatever this was, it’s over, we can go home,” said Kylo, trying to be comforting. 

“I remember…I’d been compromised,” muttered Hux, pulling at his own hair in a way that must have been painful. 

“Hux?” asked Kylo, not recognizing the man in front of him as his calm, collected co-commander. 

At once, Hux sprang to his feet, blaster drawn.  He was wide-eyed, terrified, holding his weapon in front of him as he gritted his teeth and hissed through them, “You’ve all compromised me.” 

_‘What’s happening to him?’_

_‘His reconditioning’s been undone…’_

“General, honey…” said Hathor, taking a step closer. 

“STAY BACK!”

Hux didn’t shout, he didn’t command, he shrieked like a frightened animal and whirled to aim his weapon at the approaching knight, “Stay away from me!  All of you stay away!  I’ll do it!” 

_‘He can’t be reasoned with in this state.  His mind is far too chaotic to be reached.’_

_‘Seig, there has to be a way.’_

_‘I’m attempting to find one, but his mind is scattered.  His thoughts are those of a hunted animal.  There’s too much fear.’_

_‘We warned you.  This is what he is.  This is what he does.’_

The spirits appeared, though Hux didn’t react to them.  He may not have been able to see them.  Kylo recognized one through Seigurd’s memories, the one who continued to wear Hux’s face as a disguise.  He looked at Hux, a smug grin firmly planted on his lips as he waved a hand in front of the General’s eyes, demonstrating his obliviousness.  Hux seemed to freeze in place as one spirit, the female, raised her hand.  So she was slowing or stopping time for Hux.  The shifting spirit let his grin fade for a moment, “This isn’t a challenge, we just wanted to make sure you all understood the warning.” 

He spirit, the one who directed Hathor’s challenge, made a disapproving noise and looked away. 

Kylo stepped forward, “If it’s not a challenge, what is it?” 

“A warning,” replied the shifter, annoyed at having to repeat the information, “This is what he does.  This was only the first time.  Fellow cadets, assistant instructors, anyone he got close to, he was ordered to get rid of them.  And you know what he did?  He obeyed.  He puts his precious Order above everything else.  Given the choice between it and you, he’ll destroy you.  Look at him.  He’s in his right mind now, his natural mind.  Look at what he’s doing.  If he had the power, if he had the ability, you would all be dead where you stand.” 

“Analysis: Situation too hazardous to proceed.  Advisable course of action:  Remove problematic variable from scenario to maximize efficiency,” said Mako’s proctor smoothly. 

“You mean kill him!?” demanded Eleo. 

“It wouldn’t be necessary.  With your powers he would be easy enough to restrain.  Have his mind altered again and keep your distances.  He’ll be harmless enough so long as he doesn’t become attached,” said E’Chon’s proctor with a bored shrug. 

“Seriously, look at him,” said the shifter with a snorting laugh, standing next to Hux so their features could be compared.  He smirked at the knights, “Knock down a couple mental barriers and he loses his mind.  Is this really someone you’d want to have your backs?  Be vulnerable with?  A pretty face can only count for so much before you have to understand, he’s a liability.” 

“A liability that kicked all your asses,” growled Eleo. 

The shifter paused, a short burst of anger flashing across his face before he backed away from Hux and forced himself to return to his usual grinning.  The female, the one who had proctored Eleo, waved her hands, “We’ll start time for him again.  Please understand, we don’t do these things because we hate you.  You’re all so powerful, feeling the Force around you is incredible.  We want to maximize your potential.  And…um…your Force-Null is strong, we can feel it, we’ve seen it, but…” 

“It would be a pity…” 

Kylo shuddered as he heard his own voice coming out of someone else’s mouth.  His own proctor, the one impersonating his younger self, must have been a shifter as well.  He remained robed, for the most part, only the lower half of his face being visible.  He continued speaking, “It would be a pity if he snapped one day.  Remembered his programing, poisoned you, slit your throats in your sleep.  Such potential wasted for want of an unstable Force-Null.  We will release him.  We will goad him.  What you do with him is your choice.” 

Time returned for Hux and he gasped, whirling to point his blaster at the proctors.  The shifter with Hux’s face began to change.  He became older, a little shorter, more heavy set.  His tactical gear changed to become something like a First Order Uniform.  His face broadened, his hair receded in the front slightly, became streaked with grey so hardly any red, not a light yellow, remained. 

His eyes narrowed as he spoke, “Murtagh, put that thing away.” 

Hux shook, his eyes becoming wide, but he obeyed.  Kylo took a cautious step forward, and though Hux became more agitated, he didn’t reach for his weapon again.  The shifter grinned, speaking softly, “You know what I did to those cadets, what I’ll do to you if you fail me.  You must have no attachments before the First Order.  The Order is greater than a father, mother, friend, lover, even that pet of yours.  Now…” 

The shifter pointed at Kylo, whispering to Hux.  With no other noise that awful whisper rang loud in the room, “He’s distracting you.  He’s swaying you from your duty.  His temperament isn’t suited to delicate operations.  Without him, think of how much better the Order would be.” 

The shifter took Hux’s hand and pressed it to his weapon, “You know what you have to do.” 

Hux paled as he took his blaster, aiming it at Kylo, “I do…” 

Kylo braced himself to stop the shot.  He had done it before, and he was confident he could do it again.  After that shot though…he would have to stop Hux.  Somehow he would have to stop him and- 

A shot rang out and the shifter screamed, clutching its face.  Hux remained trained on it, shooting at it as the other spirits stepped in to create a shield.  Hux was still wide eyed, the Force around him was still rife with fear, he was still trying to keep his distance, but he made his choice. 

He spoke, his voice trembling as he looked at Kylo, “The mission comes first…” 

Kylo nodded, not quite at ease, but glad to have some trace of the Hux he knew return, “The mission comes first.” 

“Did we just pick a fight with a shit load of Force ghosts?” asked Eleo. 

“I believe we did…” growled Seigurd, his hand on his blade. 

“It’s not as if I haven’t been itching to fight these monsters,” agreed Hathor. 

“I could not have uttered the words better, brother of my heart,” said Mako. 

Gaius took E’Chon’s hand and his voice rang out through their connection, _‘Are you ready for battle?’_

“Always!” roared E’Chon. 

Hux sank to one knee.  He was clearly terrified, but in spite of it he pleaded, “Let me in.” 


	37. The Man at the Back said Everyone Attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whooo....was writing this one right up until the last minute. It's cold and flu season up here, so not only was I sick for a few days, I was covering for sick people, sometimes pulling 12 hour shifts. My writing time definitely took a hit. I'm really sorry if there's mistakes or quality isn't up to snuff :(

Kylo was hesitant to connect his mind to Hux’s.  The General’s thoughts were erratic, forceful, and they hurt just to listen to.  He was in so much pain from his conditioning being undone.  Kylo knew how to hold back, make it so his thoughts at the very least weren’t hurting the other knights.  He wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do.  He didn’t know if Hux was mentally ready to let other people in after so much trauma.  He didn’t know if Hux could handle so many people in his space after being forced into such a vulnerable state. 

To his surprise, Hux’s mind practically sucked him in.  He felt…desperate.  Hux’s mind was reaching, grasping for something that would let him focus.  His thoughts would always flicker back to the mission.  It seemed to be the one thing that was getting Hux through his trial.  The mission came first.  He had to finish the mission because…and then everything would become muddled before looping back to the mission.  Hux seemed to realize the mission was important, and needed to be completed, but his usual motivation, the First Order would send his thoughts into a frenzy of doubt and betrayal. 

_‘Hux.  Hux, stop.’_

_‘Mission…the mission comes first…how many ranged?  We have to do this because…pointless…it was a lie.  Everything was a lie…mission…I have to…what good is-?”_

_‘Hux, stop, just stop for a second.  We can’t fight together like this, you know we can’t.’_

_‘We have to fight…have to control this…I need to be in control or…I was never in control…Was I?  No…it was me…I complied…I killed…”_

“I’M GOING TO WRING HIS FORCE-NULL NECK!” 

Hux bolted, falling backwards and throwing an arm up to shield himself as a wave of energy pushed him onto his back.  The shifter surged forward, his presence nearly consuming everything in its path in a pure and unbridled rage.  The spirit darted past the shield his fellow spirits had made.  He…she…they…it began to lose shape.  Flashing between male, female, something that was both, something that was neither, one creature, several creatures and something that didn’t resemble any sort of being at all.  Its rage was causing it to lose its ability to hold a defined form. 

Seigurd stopped it.  Kylo could feel his knight moving to do so the second it had made its declaration.  The knight moved in front of Hux and held up a hand, blocking it with the Force.  The creature stilled, regaining shape as it forced itself to calm down.  It took on Hux’s shape again, “You’re going to fight me, Knight of Ren?  I thought you pitied me.” 

“I do.  But not enough to permit you to continue,” replied Seigurd. 

“I’ll just have to get you out of my way first,” growled the spirit. 

Something flashed in Seigurd’s mind and bounded through their connection.  It was the voice of a spirit, _‘If you think you’re the only ones who can share abilities and coordinate during combat, you’re sorely mistaken.’_

Kylo tried to take in what was happening.  Suddenly the shifter, who was still in front of Seigurd and using Hux’s face, raised a hand and Seigurd was suddenly pounded with an overwhelming pressure, as if a giant wave was continuously crashing into him.  Another spirit, the female one, moved forward, seeming to pop in and out of existence before colliding into Eleo.  Her form changed as well, she became slighter, taller, her armour changed, fluttering into robes between pops.  Finally, she slammed into Eleo from behind.  When the knight whirled around he found the spirit had taken Seigurd’s shape and was standing over him. 

Gaius slammed to the floor almost immediately and E’Chon dropped right after him, two spirits closing in quickly.  Mako could feel pressure building around him, causing his armour to squeeze against his skin.  Hathor sensed it as well, and felt something began to pick at his mind, trying to weasel its way in to analyze and pick apart at him. 

As for himself, Kylo saw the spirit that must have been his own proctor, unchanged, not moving, observing for a moment before splitting in two, taking on two shapes.  One was like looking in a mirror, a perfect copy of himself.  The other was Hux, perfect and pristine in his uniform, save for one hand, which was ungloved so his blaster could read his fingerprint.  It had learned how to copy them both in such fine detail… 

“You really ought to have restrained him,” criticised the copy of Hux, “Now it’s come to an all-out brawl.” 

“Which suits us fine,” said Kylo through gritted teeth.  It didn’t suit any of them.  This was hardly an ideal situation.  They couldn’t plan.  Nearly half of them couldn’t move.  It was going to be like fighting an uphill battle and Hux…Hux wasn’t in any position to help them.  He could barely keep his own thoughts straight, despite his attempt to let the knights into his mind and assist them. 

“You know it doesn’t,” replied his own doppelganger as the two surged forward. 

   ***  

Hux knew the knights were in trouble.  He could see it through their eyes, feel it with their senses and hear their thoughts.  It was all swirling through his head and mixing with all his own doubts and uncertainties, making it difficult for him to get any bearings at all.   The confusion of seven minds on top of his own, still lost, was getting to him.  He couldn’t take it.  He couldn’t handle it.  He was a liability to the group in more ways than one. 

He never should have convinced Kylo to bring him to this place. 

This was his fault, this was happening because of him.  He was failing the Order, an Order he wasn’t even sure if he respected anymore, and he was failing the knights.  He was no good to anyone like this.  He knew he had this task, a task he had to accomplish, but he wasn’t sure it would do any good.  His focus that he kept on the order, the thing that motivated him was no longer working.  Why should he care about the Order after what it had done to him?  Hux still believed it could and would save the galaxy, but the methods his father had used on him…they were wrong, so wrong.  He had made some changes, but was it still happening without his knowledge somewhere?  It could be…

He could feel the ribbon in his hand, the exact imitation of the one his step-mother had always used.  His heart felt so broken.  He hadn’t known he could feel happiness like that or love that deeply, and then it had been ripped out of him, displaced by a crushing sense of sadness and hopelessness.  Even with Kylo; Kylo who spent several nights beside him, cared for him and tried to make him happy, it was like there had been a block, a barrier, something that had kept him from loving as deeply as he could.  Something that kept him from feeling…feeling anything to its fullest potential.  He still had feelings, but now he knew, the reconditioning had muted them, put a cap on his capacity to feel and now it was gone.  Now the doubt he was feeling was more intense than anything he had felt since he had been a teenager. 

He was feeling everything and experiencing more empathy than he thought he had been capable of.  He had felt sorry for the knights when they explained their pasts, when they went through their trials, but now…now it was on a completely different level.  He felt their pain so much he wanted to weep like a child.  He could feel what they had been through, what they were going through, what the spirits were forcing them to go through, and above all his own helplessness in a fight against Force-Users. 

It was making him…he felt… 

Seigurd had talked about it.  That there was a darkness inside him.  One that was deep and wide as an ocean chasm.  It was full, rich and untapped, like an infinite power source inside him waiting to burst out of him.  It thrummed just under his skin, neatly bottled up and begging for a chance to be let loose, a chance that Hux had been incapable of giving it except under pressing circumstances. 

And if ever there was a pressing circumstance, this was certainly it. 

Hux wasn’t Force sensitive.  If there was any sort of Force moving through him he wouldn’t have been able to know about it or feel it.  He could feel his own emotions though.  He was frightened and angry and felt sick with himself.  There was so much sadness as well, so much…so much despair.  Kylo used that word once and now Hux understood it.  This was despair.  This was depression. 

_‘I don’t know what I’m doing.  I almost know what I’m feeling…if the darkness is coming out of me, use it.  Use it all.’_

Could anyone hear him?  Hux wasn’t sure.  His mind was a clutter of voices, thoughts, feelings and visions.  He wasn’t even sure if his own thoughts were coherent or not.  He kept one eye closed…yes, that was him.  The one without depth, that was his own line of sight.  He needed to focus.  All he could feel was pain and he wanted to stop it. 

And if not stop it, he was going to make something hurt more than he was hurting. 

He could see Seigurd in front of him. 

_‘I don’t know if you can hear me.  I don’t know if it’s working.  If it is, take it, use it.  I want them to hurt.’_

_‘…eral…ar…ou…’_

He was starting to distinguish Seigurd’s distinct thoughts and voice in the swirl of all of them.  It was strange, he could feel him more strongly.  That cool, pleasant sensation like peppermint.  In the whirl of things he could pick it out.  He was fighting with one of the spirits, arms extended, holding it back as much as he could while it tried to overwhelm him. 

Hux felt something strange, like a wind was blowing through him.  He could sometimes feel it if Kylo used his power to stop him from tripping or passed him something with the Force.  Was it possible for someone who couldn’t use the Force to still be aware of its presence?  The question would have to wait.  When the windy feeling let up, Seigurd had pushed the spirit back.  Hux moved forward, rising, concentrating on his own footsteps in case he forgot what his own legs felt like.  He saw a blaster raised in front of his eyes.  He had to adjust.  He had to remember that he was shooting without depth.  He fired at the spirit as it was slammed into a wall. 

_‘Can they feel it?  Are they using it?’_

_‘We feel it…it’s…it’s power beyond words.’_

_‘Good.  I…I hate this…I hate them.  Destroy them...’_

_‘You’re giving in to the hate and anger.’_

_‘Is that what this is?  Fine.  I don’t care, I just want to end this.’_

_‘Apathy is will not win this battle.  I beg that you keep your focus.’_

It was strange to have Seigurd of all people remind him of that.  Hux took in what information he could as multiple visions, sounds and sensations blurred into one.  Pain…they were all in pain.  Who was in the most pain?  Where was it coming from?  …Gaius.  It was coming from Gaius.  He was pushing back, trying to fight, but he was pinned down, relying on ranged weapons to get a few paltry hits in.  The spirit was huge.  E’Chon?  No, not E’Chon, just a spirit that looked like him. 

Hux tried to focus on Seigurd.  The shifter…was that spirit going to come at them again?  It was possible, very possible, but Gaius needed assistance, and they seemed the only ones free enough to provide backup. 

_‘Watch for that spirits.  I don’t want it breathing without knowing about it.  We’ll free up Gaius.  We’re spread far too thin and we need to rally.’_

_‘As you command, vessel.’_

Hux was far too caught up in other things to bother with the despised nickname.  He focused on his own vision, the one with only one eye open.  Finding it, he looked for Gaius.  He could see with his own vision and the small knight’s, like looking at a split screen and observing a tactical mission.  He found Gaius, and the fake E’Chon closing the gap between them.  He could feel through Gaius an enormous pressure around him. 

Hux fired on it.  He didn’t have the Force, but he could distract it, annoy it enough to ignore Gaius and Seigurd.  Hux sent out a thought and hoped that the two of them were connected enough to hear it.  He was bait.  The other two would move around the back and pincer.  He watched it play out as he was slammed to the ground, barely able to breathe, much less hold up his blaster.  The spirit didn’t speak, but the pressure was even worse than it had been in the chamber.  Was this some sort of revenge?  Hux thought the spirit had electrocuted him enough times to get over its petty feelings. 

He watched Gaius and Seigurd attack it, bringing it down, Seigurd with the Force as Gaius jabbed a short sword between the armour plates near its neck and helmet.  Hux instantly felt the pressure around him dissipate as he hauled himself to his feet- 

-and was slammed back into the ground with a boot firmly planted in his back. 

He hardly registered Seigurd moving forward as the knight’s voice thundered urgently in his head. 

_‘I have him!  Go!’_

With the voice and overwhelming feeling of mint in his mind, Hux didn’t need to be told twice.  He moved towards Gaius, dropping to one knee by the knight’s side so he could assess the situation. 

_‘Who next?’_

_‘General!?  You’re-’_

_‘We can worry about my mind later.  If we don’t take the upper hand we’re going to get ourselves killed…I’m having a hard time sorting everyone.  Who needs the most help?’_

_‘If ‘tis sweet deliverance you offer, my need you’ll find most sore.’_

_‘Mako then.’_

_‘Mako…here, I’ll try to help you focus.’_

The small knight put a hand on his shoulder and it was like putting on a pair of corrective lenses.  Suddenly Mako’s vision was sharper.  The spirit, the analytical one was disguised as Hathor, sharing the shifter’s ability.  It seemed determined to keep a close distance, trying to pressure Mako into corners as the knight did what he could to keep a distance. 

_‘I need to see Mako’s memories.  Can someone show me?’_

_‘Shadows of my past?’_

_‘Yes, swordplay.  It won’t expect it.’_

Hux gasped as he was suddenly filed with more information on Heian swordplay than he would ever know what to do with.  He looked through the forms, patterns…

_‘His throat!  Go for his throat.  Tsuki!’_

He could feel Mako dropping the blaster and neatly drawing but…he hesitated.  Hux could hear his thoughts.  It was…Hathor.  Hathor’s face.  Even if it was a fake, he just couldn’t bring himself to- 

The spirit suddenly went reeling sideways, falling in a motionless heap.  Hux looked up, blindsided as he saw Hathor, furious and panting, a smoking blaster aimed levelly at his imposter’s head.  The knight said out loud, “The ugly bastard put you through enou-”

“Behind!” Hux shouted. 

Hathor didn’t hear in time.  He managed to duck, but a lightsaber caught him across the shoulder.  If he hadn’t moved at all the stroke would have been sure to sever his arm, possibly cleave diagonally across his torso.  He felt Mako’s rage as he flew at the spirit.  Between the two of them they were making short work of the spirit, though Hathor’s strength seemed to be failing.  He was so tired.  He had used so much of his power and hadn’t had nearly enough time to fully recover. 

Hux could feel the others.  E’Chon, in a rage, still fighting his proctor, though he was also struggling with the fact that the spirit was using Gaius’ image.  Eleo was grappling with the spirit, the one who controlled time.  He seemed the have a grasp of the fact that using Seigurd’s image was just that, a front, something to distract him.  The real Seigurd was fighting the shifter, keeping the angry spirit at bay… 

Then there was Kylo. 

Hux could feel him, just on the fringes, holding back his mind for some reason.  Not from the knights, only from him.  Too concerned to feel affronted, Hux saw him battling not one, but two spirits.  Gaius’ thoughts supplied that it was one spirit, split in two, one that looked like Kylo, and one that looked like him. 

“I’m getting sick of these things stealing my face,” growled Hux. 

_‘Gaius, help Eleo, that thing keeps using its power to teleport, see if you can sneak up on it.  E’Chon, what you’re fighting isn’t Gaius!  You can sense the real one, you have to know the one you’re fighting is a fake.’_

_‘We’re finished with ours.  Gods it hurts…’_

_‘Stay back, I can feel your fatigue, don’t get involved unless you have to.  Mako, keep an eye out and protect Hathor…I can sense you’re doing that already.  Watch out for Seigurd’s spirit, it’s a bit of a sadist, it will try attacking anyone with their guard down or who’s injured.  Eleo?’_

_‘This thing is a massive pain in my ass!  I can handle it now with Gaius, backup later would be nice though!’_

_‘I might be able to-’_

_‘No, stay back, I won’t risk casualties.  E’Chon, I know you can beat this…I can feel how confusing it is, how much it hurts, but remember who it really is and what it did to you.’_

_‘It’s not me!  It’s okay, it’s not me!  I’ll come as soon as I-’_

_‘Gaius, focus!  She’s using her power to stop our time and move when we’re frozen!  She can practically teleport so keep your guard up!  Kylo!  Kylo can you hear me!’_

He wasn’t answering.  Was he focusing too much on his fight?  Why wasn’t Kylo letting him in?  Either way, he needed help.  Hathor needed a guard, he couldn’t defend himself properly in his injured, exhausted state.  The rest were occupied.  He was the only one who wasn’t engaged.  Could he go to anyone like this?  Was he able to help while he was connected?  He could barely shoot straight when he was linked to all of the knights, so could he fight? 

He didn’t get a choice in the matter.  The half of the spirit with Kylo’s face charged him.  The other knights were engaged, they couldn’t defend him.  He was on his own. 

He knew it was useless to fight, but he wasn’t about to lie down and take any more abuse from these blasted ghosts. 

   *** 

Kylo watched his doppelganger take off straight towards Hux.  He reached out, trying to pull it back with the Force, shouting, “No!  Get away from him!” 

“Eyes here,” commanded the other spirit, mimicking Hux’s voice with uncanny accuracy.  It had one of Hux’s batons, cracking it over his helmeted head.  A deafening bang rang through the helmet at the impact, and he felt the pressure of it, but it hadn’t hurt.  The spirit was a skilled fighter, but he didn’t have time for it, he had to get to Hux. 

“Why?  You saw what he does.  The second his training takes over again, he’ll kill you all,” scoffed the spirit.  Kylo saw it narrow Hux’s eyes.  It was awful seeing that expression with Hux’s eyes.  They fought, Hux often glared, but not when they were alone.  Seeing Hux’s eyes filled with unbridled contempt for him, and feeling the sincerity of it, knowing there wasn’t a scrap of fondness, it almost made Kylo feel sick.  The spirit smirked with Hux’s lips, “I’ll kill you all.” 

“He’s not like that!” snarled Kylo, taking an admittedly sloppy swing at the spirit.  He was angry, almost too angry to keep his control. 

“But I am.  You saw what I did with your own eyes,” said the spirit, countering and pushing Kylo back with unfamiliar ease.  Kylo was used to opponents struggling with his strength, he wasn’t used to anyone being on equal footing with him.  It looked at Kylo seriously, “I’m a murderer.  I kill anyone I get close to.” 

“Then why get close in the first place!?” challenged Kylo. 

The spirit backed away slightly and smiled, “Why, to make it easy, Kylo.”  The spirit had the audacity to laugh, “Didn’t you see that dog?  Trusting me right up until it took a plasma bolt.  That cripple willingly following me to that ledge?  The dunce who practically leapt onto my knife?  It would be so much more difficult to make them hold still or lead them away if they didn’t like me.” 

“You’re lying,” Kylo growled lowly.  He had felt it.  He had felt how much Hux hated doing that.  He felt how ashamed he felt.  He could feel Hux’s despair at having nobody, of needing to keep a distance, because if he became too close to anyone.  He claimed people were friends, but he knew if he ever started to mean it, if he ever became close with them… 

“Don’t you understand?  Your love for me makes you pliable.  You even gave up all the powers of giving in fully to the dark side at my request.  I made you love me so I could control you,” said Hux. 

Kylo was beginning to doubt now.  He knew it was a fake.  He knew it.  But seeing Hux’s face, hearing his voice saying those awful things.  He couldn’t help it… 

“You kissed me, you said you love me,” said Kylo, gripping his lightsaber as his hand grew numb. 

Hux gave a light shrug, looking at the ground, as if disgusted with himself,

“I did what I had to do.” 


	38. Ensembles Pour Demain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's a little late. Just got home yesterday after seeing off CountofEight. If you're reading this, I miss you so much and I hope I see you again soon!

Hux had trained with Kylo before.  They had spotted for each other while using training equipment, assisted with programming practice-droids, and did exercises together, but they had never sparred.  There was a certain, unspoken understanding that if they ever fought each other with their full strength, Kylo would win.  Hux didn’t like saying it out loud, but if the two of them ever came to blows, the knight would defeat him.  The difference between their sizes had little to do with it.  Hux knew exactly where to strike to send someone twice Kylo’s size sprawling; it was the knight’s power that made him impossible for Hux to defeat.  How could he fight if the knight froze him in place?  Flung him around the room like a leaf in the wind?  Blocked bolts from his blaster with a wave of his hand?  In a fight, Kylo Ren would win.  That was the conclusion that Hux had always come to. 

And he was quickly being proven right. 

Kylo’s double wasted little time in disarming him.  His blaster flew from his hand.  Tools and weapons flew from his belt.  Hux felt a sharp vulnerability when the belt undid itself and flew to the spirit’s hand.  Just the knowledge that it could take off his clothes was… 

“These caused an awful lot of trouble,” said the spirit, dropping the belt on the ground and slowly moving towards Hux. 

He had to do something.  If he moved fast enough then maybe, just maybe he could catch the spirit off guard.  It was a gamble, and one that wasn’t likely to pay off, but if he did nothing but hold still, the spirit was just going to close in and grab him.  He might be able to stop it if he could catch hold of its head, perhaps stun it by hitting it in the nose, or just go straight for its-

“Throat?” offered the spirit, extending a hand. 

Hux felt himself fly forward, the ground falling from under his feet as he was lifted into the spirit’s waiting grip.  The feeling of Kylo’s hand on him was eerily familiar, but it had never been like this.  Kylo didn’t choke him.  Kylo would never-

“Nobody can protect you now…” observed the spirit, looking up at Hux curiously, “Why did you come?  There’s nothing for you here.  You had to know this place wasn’t for one such as you.” 

Hux clawed at the hand at his throat and recalled how he had insisted on coming.  How badly he had wanted to join the knights.  To be useful to them.  To master the techniques he was starting to learn.  He had been desperate for approval, for praise, to feel like someone cared about him.  It was not a mission he was required to be on.  He had inserted himself, almost blindly, thinking that if something went wrong…he wanted to be there.  If things went badly he wanted to be there to save-

“Such childlike thoughts,” marvelled the spirit, looking up at Hux, intrigued by what it was perceiving, “Such a pure need to feel wanted, and with a dark presence that runs so deep…You might have been perfection if not for your upbringing.” 

He felt something under his feet, something steadying him just enough to make it a little easier to breathe.  The spirit with Kylo’s face added, “You could still be perfection.  Drop your weapon, call off your knights and give yourselves to the darkness.” 

   ***  

Kylo stared at Hux, no, the spirit…the spirit who looked like Hux, mimicked him perfectly and had seen deeper into the General’s mind than he had ever dared to probe.  The spirits had undone Hux’s conditioning, they had seen everything that had driven him to take such a drastic step to try and heal himself.  It was something Kylo had known nothing about.  He’d had no idea about Hux’s upbringing or what his father had put him through.  He hadn’t known…it forced him to wonder what else he hadn’t known about. 

Hux…Hux wasn’t like that.  He did underhanded things, the First Order did underhanded things, but this…Hux wouldn’t do this.  He wouldn’t have stayed with them or wanted to help them if it was all an act.  They’d spent months together.  Kylo remembered the childish way Hux had looked up at him as he admitted he hadn’t kissed anyone since his Academy days, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be much good at it.  He remembered how stiff he’d been in bed, lying like a plank of wood because he wasn’t sure what the protocol was for initiating contact.  He remembered how Hux slowly adjusted to having another person in his quarters and how they had poured over journals and articles together, looking at the benefits of emotional exploration and how to identify different feelings. 

That wasn’t fake.  Hux hadn’t been faking it.  It hadn’t been an act, it couldn’t have been… 

“I did what I had to do,” Hux repeated adamantly, “For the First Order.  You were a wildcard that needed reigning in.  I still can’t believe all it took was a few kisses.” 

“Shut up!” snapped Kylo, gripping the hilt of his saber more tightly. 

Hux’s brow arched, his blue-green eyes briefly flicking over Kylo, “Perhaps we handled your trial all wrong.  In the end you gave into the darkness, both for power and to please him, but he also drew you back to the light.  The thought of a peaceful life with him…”  Hux shook his head, “Peace is nothing but a lie, you know.  If you thought of him as an energy source, an outlet for passions, that would be fine, but this illusion you’ve wrapped yourself up in…this idea that there will be a peaceful end for you both.  It’s a lie.  You know it’s a lie.  Just admit it and surrender.” 

“I’m gonna kill you,” growled Kylo. 

“Go on then.  I’m not resisting,” said Hux, his arms hanging limply at his sides as he watched Kylo, “Just take a few steps and cut me down.” 

Kylo grit his teeth.  It was too much like Hux.  His appearance, all his mannerisms, probably more private memories than Kylo had seen, they were all there.  He couldn’t dissociate the spirit from Hux.  This was Hux standing in front of him, looking at him passively, patiently as he waited for Kylo to act.  Kylo knew he had to, every logical part of his mind was screaming at him to slice this fake in half…but it was Hux.  Hux who had laid in bed with him, nervously kissed him and then punched him in the shoulder when Kylo told him he was a terrible kisser.  Hux who spent late nights with him, making plans for the future of the galaxy together.  Hux who would bring him a cup of caf in the mornings when he had an early shift to make sure he was awake and able to work.  Hux who saw him off before missions, stoic and proud, while Kylo could feel all the nervous, needy emotions that he wanted to show at their parting. 

Hux took a step closer, speaking with disbelief, “You…you can’t do it, can you?  You know I’m not him, but with this face…you can’t hurt him.” 

Kylo felt his grip loosen as the spirit stepped in closer.  It arched its brow, “Do it.  You should do it.  If you don’t, and you won’t heed our lessons, I’ll have to kill you.  Choose now.  You or him.  Who dies?” 

The words struck a chord.  Kylo didn’t want to die.  No sane person wanted to die.  But to live, he had to kill this being that was so much like his Hux… 

“You’ve made an interesting choice, Master of Ren.  Let’s see what your Force-Null chose.” 

   ***  

Hux glared down at the spirit.  Calling off the knights, telling them to become like these monsters…he wouldn’t do it.  He wouldn’t fail the mission this way, he wouldn’t fail the others this way.  He had seen what complete submission to darkness had done to Kylo.  The knights wouldn’t be themselves if that happened.  And the idea of losing them all like that…watching them all slip away until he didn’t recognize them was…it made him feel… 

“If you won’t, there’s no reason to spare you, Force-Null,” said the spirit.  Immediately the relief it had been giving him left.  It was like a platform was pulled from under his feet, leaving him to hang by his throat, strangled by the spirit’s choking grip. 

There was no use begging.  He had been given an ultimatum, and he wasn’t willing to give the spirit what it wanted.  He would either have to give up his knights or die in the spirit’s grip… 

…or he could kill it. 

Hux swung his foot up.  He had one weapon left, one he hadn’t used or even given much thought to.  He’d been keeping a distance, so he hadn’t needed any of his close-quarters traps.  He’d always been told he was flexible, especially by Kylo when he had watched Hux’s training regimen.  The knight had often asked him what the point of being able to put one leg behind his head or turn himself into a human pretzel was. 

It was for moments like this.  Moments when he had to practically bend himself in half with little to no leverage.  With just his hand on the spirits wrist he kicked the back of his right heel with his left foot, extending a blade.  It was a pick that was intended for scaling walls, but it was sharp, and more than that it was his last line of defense. 

Hux swung his foot up, arching it, planting it in the spirit’s temple. 

It was horrible, seeing Kylo’s face twist like that, seeing the look of shock on his face when the blade pierced him.  Watching and feeling him crumple to the ground.  Hux felt hard next to him, clutching his own throat and gasping for breath as he dragged himself away from the body.  The others…he needed to find them…he needed… 

He looked up and saw Kylo staring at him disbelievingly, as his own doppelganger looked at him with snide disapproval.  Kylo moved his mouth, as if trying to speak, but couldn’t bring himself to say anything. 

“Kylo…” Hux managed to choke out. 

   ***  

“See, it was so easy for him.  Even though we copied you perfectly, even though you can’t do it, he could.  He’s programmed to do it.  This peace you want with him is a lie,” said Hux, now close enough to press against his back and whisper in his ear, “You can have him.  Just not as a home.  Not a person you can come to for safety and security.  You know that isn’t what he is.” 

Kylo didn’t know what to say.  It had been a fake.  Hux had to have known it was a fake.  Hux made the smart choice, the sane choice, the logical choice that Kylo would have wanted anyone to make in that position.  Seeing it though…seeing Hux put a knife through his temple without even flinching…it had been the right call.  It was the call that Kylo would have told him to make…but Hux had done it so easily…he hadn’t even blinked… 

“You still love him?” asked the spirit. 

Kylo knew there was chaos around him.  He knew his knights were fighting, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Hux.  He seemed ashamed, desperate to explain himself even though he’d done nothing wrong.  He was panting, choking on his own breath, rubbing at his throat where a tight grip had reddened it.  He looked up at him, fear of judgement plain on his face. 

“I do…” said Kylo quietly. 

He stumbled forward as a powerful force struck him in the back and the crack of a blaster filled his ears. 

   *** 

For Hux, the whole galaxy seemed to stop. 

Kylo fell to the ground and he saw the flash of a blaster.  The knights stopped, a few of them even let out a cry.  Whatever small amount of a connection that Kylo had kept affected them instantly.  They all stopped and the spirits moved away, watching, judging. 

Hux hadn’t felt Kylo fall, and he didn’t know if his mind had blocked it out because it was so awful or if he had been so focused on what he was seeing that he couldn’t sense anything else.  It felt like forever, but it happened fast.  One moment he was standing, and the next he was on the ground, silent and still.  Hux felt his jaw hanging open. 

“Kylo?” 

The sound came out, barely above a whisper.  He repeated, it.  

“Kylo?  Kylo…get up…” 

Hux dragged himself to his feet, his throat burning as his mind refused to register what was happening.  Kylo wasn’t responding.  He’d been hit.  He’d been hit and he wasn’t responding.  His legs felt like jelly as he forced himself to move forward, feeling cold and frightened the whole way. 

“Kylo, get up,” he repeated more forcefully. 

“General…Hux, honey…” said Hathor quietly. 

“Get up!” Hux shouted, breaking into a run.  He tumbled down by the knight’s side.  His wound was in his back.  In his back, the center, meaning that there was extensive damage to his spine.  His ribs too?  What organs?  Hux couldn’t remember what organs…He raised his hands, trying to figure out where to put them, how he could help, how he could save...was he breathing?  Did he have a pulse? 

Hux tore off his glove and pressed a hand to Kylo’s neck. 

“Red…” said Eleo, choking something back, “Red, there’s too much damage.  He’s not going to make it out of here.” 

“No,” said Hux, refusing to believe it. 

“General, I felt it…his spine…it’s too much,” added Hathor, crouching by Hux’s side. 

“No, we can save him!” snapped Hux. 

Gaius made a sign and it seemed to draw the attention of the other knights. 

The other knights stared at him, sharing a brief conversation that Hux couldn’t hear.  Suddenly Seigurd was beside him, “General, your pain, I need your pain.” 

Hux didn’t know what Seigurd meant.  He barely understood his feelings, let alone how to give them to someone else.  The knight seemed to know though, and held his hand.  He could feel something moving inside him, aware that the knight was doing something to him, but he couldn’t focus on it.  The loss…Kylo lying on the floor, cold and helpless was too much for him. 

“It is believed that only the light can heal,” growled E’Chon. 

“But most often forget,” continued Hathor. 

“That the greatest instance of Force healing didn’t come from the light at all,” said Eleo quietly. 

“The most powerful technique, one that can even stop men from dying,” continued Seigurd. 

“It belongs to the darkness,” said Mako. 

Hux barely felt a hand press to his back when he heard a piping voice in his head, _‘And it needs a lot of power.’_  

Hux didn’t know how to give it.  He’d always been trained to keep his emotions in.  It was all breaking down now.  There was too much hurt.  The conditioning that had kept it all in check, allowed him to ignore it all and carry on like it hadn’t happened, it was gone now.  His mind was a mess of fear and hate and something else when he saw Kylo lying in front of him like this.  He couldn’t bring himself to let go of the knight’s arm.  He looked at the knights, “I don’t know how…just take it.  Take it all.” 

“Shh…it’s alright, he’s already started,” said Hathor quietly. 

Hux couldn’t feel what Seigurd was doing.  He could see the knight kneeling beside him and holding his hands out.  Glancing from the corner of his eye, he looked at Hux and took his hand giving it a light squeeze while keeping the other outstretched over Kylo.  He let out a gasp, pausing as he gritted his teeth, “You’ve no control over your darkness?” 

“No…” Hux choked out, “Why?  Is…is it not working?  Am I doing it wrong?” 

“You’re doing nothing wrong,” assured Seigurd, trying to stay calm as he winced with something that looked like pain, “There’s just so _much_ of it…can you calm yourself at all?” 

He needed to be calm?  He was doing it wrong?  He was…he was going to kill Kylo.  He was doing it all wrong and now Kylo was-

‘ _’It’s okay…’_ said Gaius, though he didn’t sound entirely calm or certain, _‘Its okay, you’re doing everything right.  There’s just so much, it’s overwhelming.  It’s going to be okay…we can reconnect.  You can feel him getting better that way.  Do you want that?”_

“Yes,” said Hux, squeezing Kylo’s hand.  If any life was being restored to him, he couldn’t feel it. 

Suddenly he could feel the knights in his mind.  Worry…they were all worried.  None of them had ever been injured this badly and despite their outward appearance, they were all distraught, barely holding themselves together, desperate to find any trace of Kylo in the Force.  He felt their energy, thrumming frantically and their thoughts hoping for the best but overwhelmingly prepared for the worst.  They were scrambling, trying to find Kylo’s presence.  It felt…it felt like what it must have been like to go blind, to lose a sense.  They were disoriented and overwhelmingly distraught. 

Hux sought out Seigurd, who was stubbornly refusing to let Kylo die.  Hux identified the same feeling he had felt performing CPR.  He was desperate, focused on his procedure and using it to cope with the situation.  He was…Hux didn’t understand it very well.  He was pulling the Force through Hux, and out of him.  There was…it was like a deep dark pit.  It went so far down and it was so thick that it felt like being sucked into a void.  That was…that was inside him? 

Thoughts were buzzing around him, Hathor and Mako trying to comfort each other, Eleo’s knuckles turning white as he gripped Seigurd’s shoulder.  E’Chon holding onto Gaius because he needed something, anything, to cling to.  Hux could hear them, but he was listening for something else.  He wasn’t sure if he would hear it or not, if he he would ever hear it again… 

_‘…I feel you…’_

Hux started when he heard Kylo’s voice in his mind.  He saw the knight shift slightly before he heard Seigurd thunder, _‘Don’t move!  Don’t move…the damage is extensive.  If you want to walk again, Master of Ren, don’t move.’_

Kylo stilled and Hux gripped his hand, _‘I’m here.  We’re all here.’_

_‘I…I can’t feel them.  Hux…you’re everywhere.  You’re all I can feel.  How are you…?’_

“I don’t know, it’s Seigurd.  He’s doing something,” said Hux out loud, forgetting that he didn’t need to speak for Kylo to hear him.  He could see memories, texts, Seigurd trying to supply him with a quick explanation for what was happening.  Hux felt memories of understanding what the ancient books were getting at, but Seigurd’s understanding of the material wasn’t transferring to him.  It wasn’t like having another language deposited into his brain, it was more complicated.  It was like Seigurd was trying to show him a new sense that his brain simply couldn’t comprehend. 

He couldn’t understand, but he felt like crying.  There was still residual pain from having his memory restored, but this…he wasn’t sad.  It was relief, but it seemed too overwhelming to be called relief.  Kylo was alive.  He was going to be alright.  Seigurd was fixing him.  The other knights could feel it too, collectively giving a sigh of relief. 

Hux didn’t understand.  He hadn’t cried in a very, very long time, though it was a shorter time than he had initially thought.  Most of his memories of crying had been removed or hidden from him.  He couldn’t seem to help it now though.  It was happening all on its own.  He felt his eyes beginning to water and his mouth quivering.  It only became worse when Gaius and E’Chon pulled him against them from behind.  He covered his face with his hands automatically as he let out his first sob in years.  He felt weak, he felt pathetic, he wanted to go home. 

He felt something like sunshine on his skin and a voice in his mind, _‘We’re both going to go home.  It’ll be okay.’_


	39. Lithium

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a product of the Nineties, at least one of these chapters had to be named after an Evanescence song. It just had to.

Hux wasn’t sure where the spirits had gone.  He didn’t care.  He couldn’t stop the tears.  Even when the embarrassing sobbing and groaning had stopped, tears continued to roll down his cheeks.  He wanted to stop, he just didn’t know how.  He felt Kylo in his mind, his love, but there was something else coming from him and Hux didn’t know what it was.  It was cold, it felt sad but…different from sad. 

Seigurd finally pulled away from Kylo and looked at Hux in a sort of awe, “General it’s…it’s spilling out of you.” 

“Figures those ugly cowards left,” grumbled Hathor, “They probably felt the energy that the General was feeding us and knew they wouldn’t stand a chance.” 

“Gotta wonder though…all the trials had a point.  They were tough, but they were supposed to show us something about ourselves.  This one…I have no idea what this was about,” said Eleo, finally releasing his death grip on Seigurd’s shoulder. 

“Who cares about lessons when those cowards _fled_!”  roared E’Chon, glaring at the walls as if he could draw the spirits from them. 

_‘The ‘point’ Knights of Ren, is while attachments can be a source of power, they have their weaknesses.  Weaknesses you should heed if you do not wish to lose your lives.’_

Hux started at the voice ringing in his head.  He felt Kylo, gaining strength and pushing it out with his power.  Hux looked down at Kylo, “Kylo…what I did…” 

Kylo made a sign with his hand and Hux heard his voice in his mind, _‘Later…I don’t really feel up to talking.  My body’s healing but I can’t quite manage doing anything yet.  Just know…I don’t blame you for it.  You made the right call.  It was a fake and you protected yourself from it.  You knew that and you stayed alive…I’m glad you did.  I’m glad you’re still with us.’_

Hux held his hand and looked at Seigurd, “How long will it take?  Will he recovery?” 

“He’s recovering remarkably…” marvelled Seigurd, “I’ve never had this much power at my disposal.  I feel even if he were dead I could revive him with what you’ve given me.” 

“Forsooth t’is truly an unrivaled depth of power,” said Mako, looking about the room hesitantly. 

_‘A great power, yes, but one that is truly without limits is unattainable for Knights of Ren until they submit completely to darkness, and for that, certain bonds must be set aside for ambition’s sake.’_

In his mind Hux could feel that the knights knew this, even Seigurd knew it, but they still refused.  Gaius had found a home, E’Chon had found a new family after losing everyone he knew, Hathor and Mako found each other, Seigurd found freedom, Eleo found acceptance, even if he was hesitant to recognize it, and Kylo…Kylo found a place he belonged.  Neither darkness or light where he was supported.  They didn’t want to lose what they had gained for the sake of something they might be able to achieve someday, though it would not come easily. 

“Can we go?” Hux asked, “Can we leave?” 

_‘Yes, Force-Null, you may leave.  Your trials are finished.  We hope you will take them to heart and meditate upon their teachings.’_

“Fat chance,” grunted Eleo, though Hux could feel that he didn’t quite mean it.  He would probably be thinking about it, unable to forget for a long time.  He had felt so much of his brother’s pain…felt Kylo nearly dying.  Hux found himself wincing in sympathy at the second hand memory that briefly entered his mind. 

 _‘How will we get him out?’_ asked Gaius, his voice coming through the connection. 

 _‘He shouldn’t be carried.  He should be kept as still as possible until we’re positive everything has healed properly,’_ explained Seigurd. 

 _‘It…it hurt so much I had to disconnect,’_ admitted Hathor, _‘He’ll be alright, won’t he?  He’ll be able to walk again?’_

 _‘He will, but not now.  He’ll need to rest for a long time before he ought to move about,’_ explained Seigurd. 

 _‘You know he won’t,’_ came Eleo’s automatic response. 

 _‘I’ll keep reminding him.  That felt…that felt terrible,’_ added Gaius. 

 _‘I shall wrestle him to the bed if he attempts to move from it!’_ declared E’Chon. 

 _‘T’would be a sorry thing for our goodly master if thou didst,’_ Mako thought to himself. 

Hux may not have liked it when the knights carried on their mental conversations, but he could see why he did it.  Once they started their buzzing and whirling of thoughts, it seemed like an impossibility for them to stop by themselves without the help of an interruption.  Thoughts were always difficult to stop, and Hux now had several new ones to dwell on.  Memories of his dog, of friends he had never known he had, of being beaten down until he detached himself from everything and couldn’t stop feeling…feeling empty, lost. 

Reconditioning…Hux could remember the way he was before and after the proceedure.  He was miserable before it, and after…he hadn’t felt miserable, but he had never felt the same highs of happiness that he had when he had been younger.  He had been rendered incapable of feeling extreme sadness, but it had also ensured he would never feel as happy as he did when his father handed him the little yellow puppy with the red bow around her neck. 

Hux looked around.  The ribbon was nowhere to be seen.  It had probably been an illusion but…he wished he could have it.  He wished he had some memento.  All of his holopics had vanished when he returned from reconditioning.  Any trace of her at his old home on Arkanis was probably gone as well.  There was nothing to remember her by, just long forgotten memories of being terrified and pressured into…while she looked up at him trustingly…so happy to see him when he had… 

Hux felt his eyes watering all over again at the thought of it.  He was miserable.  Right back to where he had been when he decided to submit himself for reconditioning.  He could remember being happy a long time ago, but now even basic contentment seemed impossible for him.  He tried to ignore it, burry it under things that he needed to do.  First and foremost, they needed to get Kylo away from this place. 

“I think…I think there’s a stretcher in the shuttle,” said Hux, wiping at his eyes. 

_‘…’_

_‘…’_

_‘Red, we don’t exactly need one.  Especially with the power you’re supplying.’_

“What?” asked Hux, before realization dawned on him, “Oh…oh, of course you don’t…” 

 _‘So…which of you is carrying me?’_ came Kylo’s voice nervously. 

_‘I believe Gaius Ren should do it, it would be excellent training.’_

_‘Wh-what!?’_

_‘No!  Absolutely not!  Gaius, I love you, but I’m too heavy for you.’_

_‘With the General’s power he should be sufficient enough to supplement his-’_

_‘Hm, I agree, I too shall accept this challenge!’_

_‘Ow, ow, E’Chon, honey, volume.’_

_‘No!  No, no, no!  I will die if you drop me!’_

_‘T’would take more than a scant fall to fell our beloved master.’_

Hux could hear their voices and feelings.  They weren’t alright, but they were trying to make jokes to ease tensions, to try to lift their spirits.  None of them felt good though, least of all Kylo.  Almost desperately, they were trying to sway their negative emotions into positive ones.  It was almost working, but not quite. 

There was just so much negativity in the air… 

“Please, could we go?” asked Hux quietly. 

_‘It’s okay.  We’re going home.’_

*** 

The ride in the shuttle was quiet, but Hux hadn’t disconnected his mind and could feel seven different sets of emotions running through his mind.  The knights felt…most of them felt violated, like he did, having strange entities pry through their minds to find their greatest weaknesses.  E’Chon especially felt dirty, even though it hadn’t been a life, Hux couldn’t bring himself to call those creatures alive, E’Chon had killed in a way he had all but sworn never to do.  Eleo’s thoughts were swirling with bad memories and insecurities.  Seigurd…Seigurd actually felt guilty over his passions, which was something Hux had never expected to feel from him.  Gaius felt heartsick; though his challenge hadn’t been a terribly personal one, he had still been forced to feel and witness his brothers being put through awful trials.  Mako and Hathor seemed the most stable, though Mako was hesitant to enter the shuttle and Hathor would occasionally dip into melancholy. 

Kylo was the hardest to get a read on, and that worried Hux.  He wasn’t sure whether it was his own emotional-illeteracy that kept him from figuring out what Kylo was feeling, or if Kylo was hiding something.  Why shouldn’t he though?  He had just seen Hux drive a knife into his doppelganger’s head when Kylo himself couldn’t bring to harm someone who looked like Hux.  It clearly showed which one of them cared about the other more.  Who was the least selfish.  Who was less willing to harm the other to advance their own interest.  If Kylo was disgusted with him… 

 _‘You aren’t disgusting,’_ assured Gaius. 

The small knight had almost immediately been scooped up by E’Chon, who had yet to release him.  He sat in the big knight’s lap, reaching over to pat Hux on the shoulder. 

“That’s right, I’m still sort of in all of your minds,” muttered Hux. 

 _‘Just enough to collect thoughts.  But…I guess when you’re panicked or emotional you get louder,’_ explained Gaius. 

The others may not have had the heart to tell him to either calm himself down or leave their connection. 

 _‘It’s not that…Seigurd really likes it.  You’re starting to contain your feelings, so the Force flowing through you isn’t as potent as it was before, but it’s still really strong,’_ Gaius elaborated.

“I think…perhaps I should leave you all alone,” said Hux quietly. 

 _‘Maybe not all of us…Kylo’s awake.  You should talk to him,’_ suggested Gaius. 

_‘Gaius no!  I look terrible and weak and…Force, I can’t even walk…’_

Kylo’s voice suddenly came thundering through, frightened and self-conscious like a cadet with stage-fright.  Hux felt all of the feelings fading away, leaving himself with his own horrid thoughts and feelings.  They were louder without the others to distract him.  Perhaps that was one way the Knights of Ren helped each other.  With so many voices and feelings constantly giving each other support and distractions when needed, it made carrying personal burdens less heavy.  Hux recalled his first conversation with Gaius.  The Knights were all connected, they felt each other’s pain and happiness.  They could support and uplift each other. 

Hux considered his own order.  It had always been about ambition.  Rising to the top to gain power and privilege so nobody could take advantage of him or hurt him.  Comradery was encouraged, provided it was not distracting or detrimental to performing duties.  Officers drank together, but it was only for morale and ensuring they were content enough to work.  Stormtroopers gave each other nicknames based on their numbers, but it was part of a social structure that illustrated who was well-liked and who was on the fringes.  Nothing Hux could think of, nothing that could be thought of as fun or social, was as deep or meaningful as the connection shared by the knights. 

He honestly felt unworthy to be part of it. 

Nonetheless, Hux stood stared across the shuttle.  A section had been curtained off and converted into a makeshift med-bay.  He knew Kylo was behind it, conscious but physically weak.  He had felt the knight’s self-consciousness about being seen in such a state, but even so, Hux wondered if there was more to it, if he didn’t want Hux to see him because he wasn’t ready to confront him.  All Hux knew was that every moment alone with his own thoughts was torture. 

He took the few steps that felt like miles and pulled back the curtain.  Kylo’s eyes flicked up towards him immediately and he choked out, “Hey.” 

“Hello yourself…” muttered Hux. 

Kylo let out a cough, “My throat’s dry.  This IV drip is keeping me hydrated, but it doesn’t exactly hit the spot.” 

Hux looked down at the bed.  All that pain, such a grievous injury, and Kylo was still trying to make snappy small talk with him.  Hux felt his eyes water again.  He didn’t understand.  He had just sobbed his eyes out and now his body and mind wanted to make him cry again?  His anger and shame at his own feelings only proved a catalyst and made him want to cry even harder.  He reached up, keeping his sleeve over his eyes to catch the tears as he choked, “I’m sorry…” 

“Hux…” said Kylo quietly. 

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I can’t even figure out why…” Hux hiccupped, letting out a disgusting whimper.  He remembered now.  This was what he had been like.  Crying at the drop of a hat over any little thing that reminded him of what he had done or the fact that nobody…that nobody liked him.  Nobody had ever liked him, and when they had…had that been it?  Had it never been about his training?  Was it just a cruel old man doing something unspeakable to his son because he felt like it? 

It couldn’t have been…

Hux felt a hand on his hip, which was level with Kylo’s bed.  He felt it tug on one of the many pockets, trying to pull him in closer.  Hux knew if he got any closer he would have to lean over top of Kylo, which would only injure the knight further in his condition. 

“When Seigurd used the Force that moved through you, I felt it.  I felt everything in your mind at that moment,” said Kylo.  Hux tried to calm himself, blotting his eyes with his sleeve like a child.  Kylo continued when he had calmed a little, “ What you did…it’s going to stick with me, but you weren’t wrong.  You kept yourself alive and safe.  I could feel your true feelings.  You aren’t a monster, Hux.” 

“You hesitated…I did it…what does that say about us?” asked Hux, pulling his arm away. 

“It says I think too much with my gut,” replied Kylo firmly, “I mean…look at where my choice got me.” 

“Aren’t you worried I might…that I could…” Hux trailed off before he could finish the sentence.

“No, I’m not, and do you want to know why?” asked Kylo.  He didn’t wait for Hus to answer the rhetorical question, continuing, “Because in the same situation, when I gave in to the dark side, when the real me had the real you by the throat…you didn’t do it.” 

Kylo moved his hand from Hux’s hip to his wrist, “I think…I think the practical test is a much more telling one than a simulation.” 

Hux took a moment to process the statement before asking, “That…was that a joke about my training methods?” 

“It was,” said Kylo with a smirk.  Colour was returning to his face.  He had lost quite a bit of blood, and he was no doubt still in shock from the pain and nearly dying, but he was trying to comfort him.  Kylo sighed, “That aside, could you bring me some water?” 

Hux didn’t really have the heart to make a snappy retort.  Later that night he would think up half a dozen, but in that moment, he was drawing blanks.  He looked about and found some bottled water, and opened one of the vessels to give to Kylo, “Can you drink by yourself?” 

Kylo slowly moved his arm and he propped himself up in a half-sit up position.  Hux stared, wondering if the healing had taken its course already.  Kylo gave a slight shrug, “Don’t worry, I’m not straining myself.  It’s the Force.” 

“How…how long will you be like this?” asked Hux. 

“Normally, that should have been it.  I should have died,” said Kylo frankly, “I saw Seigurd’s calculations in his mind.  Bed rest for a week or so, then light duties for a month.  I can go back to training and missions as usual after that.” 

“That long…” muttered Hux.  

Kylo summoned the bottle to his hand with his power, “Hux, didn’t you hear me?  I said I should have died.  Because of you, I’m going to live.  Force, I’m going to walk again!  That’s…Hux it’s amazing.” 

“But it’s my fault,” said Hux quietly. 

“How?  How is this your fault?” asked Kylo, taking a swig of water, “I did something incredibly stupid.  I let my enemy trick me, walk right up behind me, and shoot me point blank in the back.  That’s not your fault.” 

“I don’t know it just…it feels like it.  I feel like everything is my fault and I can’t explain why,” said Hux. 

“It isn’t.  I got out of there alive because of you.  You helped Gaius cross that chamber, kept Seigurd alive when his breathing stopped, you figured out Hathor’s challenge before any of us, you helped buy Mako time during his, you snapped Eleo out of his funk, you were there for E’Chon when I should have been, and then you saved me, in more ways than one.” 

“I know, I know all that I just…I can’t make myself feel normal,” Hux tried to explain, “This…whatever they did to me.  I don’t like it.” 

“Hux, as much as I can’t stand those spirits, they undid something that blocked your mind.  You hate it when people mess with you like that.  So…is that something you really want to go back to?” asked Kylo. 

Hux bit his lips slightly, “I…I’m considering it.  Being reconditioned again.” 

The bottle of water bobbed in the air before Kylo set it down.  He stared up with his mouth gaping as he asked, “Hux…r-really?” 

“Kylo, I can’t work like this,” said Hux, folding his arms over his chest, “I haven’t been able to go ten minutes without crying.  I can’t think straight.  I’m miserable…I don’t like it, but at least after the procedure I won’t feel like this again.” 

“Hux, that’s…It doesn’t solve anything.  It just covers up the pain and makes it so you can’t feel happy again,” said Kylo urgently. 

“Didn’t you hear me!?” snapped Hux, “I’m miserable!  I can’t think!  All that keeps going through my mind is Mol…Molly…” 

Hux rubbed at his eyes again, feeling fresh tears coming.  He shook his head, “I can’t live like this Kylo.” 

Kylo gave a quiet nod, “There…there are other ways.  We could help you process it.  Learn to live with it.” 

“That takes time.  When we go back, my men will need their General, not some cry-baby,” replied Hux, “I’ve been thinking about it.  It’s really the only way…I’m sorry.  It’s the only thing I can think of.  Would…would you stop liking me if I did?” 

“No…no, I wouldn’t,” assured Kylo, “I will no matter what you choose.  I just…when it broke, it was like I could finally see the person you’ve been hiding.” 

“A killer…” muttered Hux. 

“No, I mean you.  It’s always felt like you’ve been hiding, or avoiding something.  With the conditioning out of the way, I could finally feel all of you.  It’s your choice, and I’ll be here no matter what, but if my opinion is worth anything…I like you the way you are, bad memories and all,” said Kylo. 

“Stop…” Hux blubbered again, “Stop saying nice th-things…th-they make…make me cry…” 

“It’ll be okay.  I’m sure you can toughen up all on your own…” promised Kylo. 

   ***  

_‘Hey…Hux just said he…’_

_‘We could hear, the poor thing is too emotional to control his volume…’_

_‘No…he…why would he do that?’_

_‘He is in an incredible amount of pain, Gaius Ren.  It’s natural that he should want to end it in the quickest way possible.’_

_‘I know a thing or two about changing so that your mind and body sync up…but this isn’t right to me.  This isn’t him trying to become his real self, its him…hiding.  Deadening his feelings and just…suppressing it all.’_

_‘If you could-!’_

_‘T’is a mite too loud, brother…’_

_‘Ah, apologies.  It might be said of all of us that we have suffered much.  If we could choose to remove the memories and the pain, would it not be a great temptation?’_

_‘I…I hate to agree, but I have things I’d rather not remember, if I could.  I’d like to forget about Atem entirely some days.’_

_‘But if you forgot Atem, you wouldn’t be you.  I don’t like what happened to me or my family, but I wouldn’t be the same without those memories.’_

_‘Gaius is right…I don’t like being called to the light, and that might stop if forgot everyone, but if I did…I’ve been told I have my mother’s wits.  I don’t think I’d have them if I couldn’t remember her at all.’_

_‘Aye, and yet the temptation lingers.  T’is a sweet fruit that our Flower of War might take to quench his weary spirit.’_

_‘I don’t want him to.  I…I finally felt him.  All of him.’_

_‘It’s his mind, it’s going to be his choice, no matter what we think of it.  Red’s…he’s gotta choose what he thinks is best for him.’_

_‘But…for the record, we’re all against it?’_

**_‘YES.’_ **

_‘Of course!’_

_‘T’would be returning hence to where he began.’_

_‘And who’s to say he won’t need to do it over and over?’_

_‘I know it hurts him a lot, but…it would feel like losing him.’_

_‘It’s not a nice part of him, but covering it up won’t solve anything.’_

_‘And it would be a shame to lose such power.’_

_‘…’_

_‘Seigurd, we were doing great, and then you ruined it.’_

_‘Apologies, Master of Ren.’_


	40. Where are you golden boy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off on another little excursion, hopefully it won't affect my update schedule. If it does, I'll post on tumblr and twitter :)

Taro Yamada was not the highest ranking servant in the Warlord’s service, but he liked to think that he was an experienced and competent one.  He greeted guests as they came and went and saw to their needs.  Delivering poems quietly and discreetly, arranging shoes for guests who planned to leave, and ensuring that the halls were spotless.  When there were no guests, and the lords and ladies of the manner had no desire to go on outings, he would stand by the gates and watch the serenity of nature through the front gates.  The wind blew gently, rustling the leaves of the immaculately trimmed hedges and trees, growing in perfect harmony with each other…

…a harmony that was interrupted by the roar of a small shuttle.  It skidded to a halt in front of the Manner, the way young Lord Shinichiro used to always ignore the landing pad, and the engines abruptly stopped their groaning. 

He looked up, his brow furrowing as the shuttle doors remained shut, and whoever was onboard refused to disembark. 

Taro Yamada considered going straight up to the shuttle, pounding on the door and demanding that whoever was inside move it to another place.  He didn’t know who was inside though, and there were many who outranked him.  It would be rude and foolish to take such actions.  On the other hand, the shuttle couldn’t be left in front of the palace.  Should anyone inside unexpectedly decide to venture out, the first thing they would see would be the shuttle and the unsightly skid marks it left. 

He decided to approach.  He wouldn’t demand, simply request if it was possible for anyone to move the shuttle to a more convenient location.  That ought to be sufficient for whoever was inside.  Hesitantly, as he was still worried about placing his career in jeopardy, Taro Yamada ventured up to the shuttle.  The gangplank hadn’t been deployed, so he was forced to stand on the tips of his toes to knock at the bottom of the shuttle door. 

There was no reply. 

He knocked a second and third time, hearing nothing but a muffled voice from within.  Unfortunately, he would have to open the door from the outside.  He noticed the keypad on the side, and sighed as he went to retrieve a pole long enough to punch in the code to unlock the doors. 

It took some time, and a bamboo spear from one of the training rooms, but Taro Yamada eventually opened the door, dodging the gangplank just in time so as not to be knocked unconscious by it.  Peering inside the shuttle, he was met with a strange sight. 

There were foreigners, six of them, lying on the floor, with one of them lying on a bench.  Aside from the one by himself, they were all piled one on top of the other, and of all the strange things to be doing, they seemed to be patting each other’s hair and arms and backs as they lay on the ground.  His brow nearly arched off his face when he saw Lord Shinichiro in the thick of it, in the arms of the dark skinned foreigner, with his fingers twisted in the hair of one of the blond ones. 

Finally rediscovering his nerve, Taro Yamada called out, “Excuse me my lord, but the place you landed the shuttle is a little…”

He trailed off, passively allowing Lord Shinichiro to figure out the conclusion of the statement for himself.  The young lord glanced up briefly before letting out an uncharacteristically blunt, “Later.” 

“Please forgive my rude objection my lord, but-” he began. 

The dark skinned foreigner looked up and replied in perfect Heian, “Didn’t you hear him?  _Later_.” 

The other foreigners began to echo the word, except for the blond who Taro Yamada recognized as the one who had to have his boots pulled off when he arrived, who gave a sob and said something in a strange language.  When he did, all the others followed suit and began giving him their affection, which he seemed to return with some hesitance. 

Taro Yamada could only turn and shake his head, muttering to himself, “Gaijin…” 

   ***  

Hux spent several hours in a daze.  He wasn’t even aware that hours had passed until the evening light became golden and long shadows were cast along the woven bamboo floors.  He spent time with his blunt nails scratching along the mats.  Kylo was in another room recovering and Hux wasn’t in a state of mind to see him.  Their conversation in the shuttle, seeing Kylo in that condition tore at the freshly restored and delicate emotions in his mind.  He didn’t think he was prepared to see Kylo again any time soon. 

It felt like his mind had finally settled and he was feeling…nothing.  It was as if he had no more tears left now, or his mind was so exhausted that it just couldn’t bring Hux to feel anything at all.  He still had the memories, but he had gone completely numb and didn’t know what to do.  He had another breakdown in the shuttle and the knights had comforted him, but he felt like he wanted more, that he needed more in order to be able to feel again.  He didn’t feel worthy of it though.  It would be too much to ask, especially since the others had spent their time and attention on him already.  The others hand their own problems and he would only make it worse. 

The fold out mattresses and the thick blankets that went on top were still in the closet, but Hux felt like he had no energy to retrieve them and lay them out on the floor.  All he felt like doing was lying down on the cool mats and being numb.  He couldn’t even muster the strength to cry.  Ever since he was young he had been conditioned to kill anyone he came close to.  His father had done it purposefully, using him as a prototype, using fear to manipulate him into eliminating everyone he ever cared deeply about.  It made him feel…

…he didn’t feel.  He’d been trained not to. 

“General, honey?” 

Hux flicked his eyes up and saw Hathor.  Having briefly made eye contact he lowered his eyes and focused on the mat and the little shadows on the floor again.  He didn’t look up when the knight approached and knelt on the floor beside him, “You missed dinner.” 

Everyone else had gone to eat as soon as they got back.  They hadn’t eaten for several hours so it was understandable that the first thing they wanted to do was eat.  It was also something that they did as a ritual, feasting after a victory, even if it didn’t really feel liked one.  Hux had gone to lie down, saying he was too exhausted for food and that he would eat later. 

The knight leaned in a little closer, “If you want I can ask someone to bring you something.  I’m fluent in Heian.” 

Hux shook his head as much as he could from his position on the floor.  His voice came out dry and tired, “I’m not hungry…” 

“Okay…” said Hathor softly.  He paused for a moment before asking, “Do you want to talk to Kylo?  He’s worried about you.” 

Hux closed his eyes and scratched at the floor again, “I should talk to him, shouldn’t I.” 

“We’re all worried.  We can feel what you’re going through,” explained Hathor, “The Force moving through you is a lot stronger now, even if you can’t feel it.  We might not be probing for thoughts, but the Force around you can give us a sense of what you’re feeling.” 

“I’m going to take care of it,” said Hux, “I’m going to condition myself again.” 

Hathor let out a long sigh, shifting to make himself more comfortable, “You know that we all know you’re planning that, don’t you?” 

“You’re all connected…I assumed you’d all find out,” muttered Hux. 

“Can we talk about that?  I know you prefer talking,” said Hathor. 

It made sense that the knights would confront him in this way.  Gaius couldn’t speak in a conventional way, and Hathor seemed to have the most emotional intelligence out of all the knights.  He was alone, so it wouldn’t seem like he was being ganged up on.  Just the two of them speaking. 

“I need it,” said Hux quietly, “If I had months to dedicate to therapy I might not, but my men need me able to work and think clearly.  I don’t have enough time to try anything else.” 

“It’s your choice, but can we help you think it through?  I know you want to make the best decision,” continued Hathor. 

Hux sighed.  So Hathor, or someone supplying Hathor with thoughts, wanted to play devil’s advocate.  It was pointless.  There was no other way.  There was no time for therapy or trying out medicines to treat the trauma that had been done to his mind.  He needed to be well in a matter of days.  Nothing could change that fact. 

“What will you do if the conditioning gets erased again?  If you see something that brings the memories back,” asked Hathor, keeping his voice neutral, “Do you have a plan in case that happens?” 

Hux paused.  He hadn’t thought about that.  All he could think about was getting rid of the feelings, or what seemed to be a hollow lack of them now.  If he was somehow triggered into remembering his past and bringing back all of those intense emotions, how would he handle it? 

“Just get conditioned again, I suppose,” said Hux quietly. 

“Is that good for you?” asked Hathor, “How many times can you get conditioned before it does permanent damage?” 

Hux recalled the statistics he had read.  There was a limit on how many times a unit could be conditioned before it caused permanent brain damage.  He settled his cheek against the cool mat and muttered, “Seven…The ideal seventh is what they called it.  You’re considered useless after the eighth bout.” 

“So you have six more times you could potentially go through it.  If you do it again, that’ll make five.  Are you sure you want to do that to your mind?” asked Hathor. 

Hux closed his eyes again as if his eyelids could shield him from the truth.  Multiple reconditionings carried the risk of brain damage.  He didn’t want to hurt himself in such an irreparable and debilitating way, but it was the only option.  He didn’t have time for another solution.  He countered somewhat irately, “All treatments have side-effects.  If I took medicine there would be risks as well.” 

He could hear Hathor matching his frustration in his own voice, “It’s true, medicine can have bad side-effects.  But would those side-effects potentially kill your career?” 

“I don’t have time to experiment with medicine,” argued Hux, “I don’t want medicine.  I want to get rid of all these feelings.  They’re hurting me.  I don’t want to feel this anymore.” 

Hathor waited for a moment.  After a few seconds Hux felt hesitant fingertips gliding through his hair, “We don’t want you to hurt.  We just want to make sure you don’t cause yourself more long term pain.  We’re worried that conditioning yourself will leave you vulnerable.” 

Hux didn’t move.  He didn’t feel like he had the strength to lift himself off of the floor, let alone put his hand on top of Hathor’s to acknowledge the kindness the knight was trying to do for him.  Hathor continued, “And soon you’re going to need to eat something.  You’ll need water…and if I may…you’re starting to smell a little.  You haven’t taken off your dirty clothes yet.  That can’t be good for you.” 

Opening his eyes again Hux looked over Hathor.  Of course the appearance-conscious knight had changed his clothing.  Hux wasn’t sure how he hadn’t noticed an obvious detail like that.  It was nothing like his armour either.  He was wearing some sort of Heian robe, white, almost like a medical gown, but fastened in the front, covering the knight from his neck almost down to his ankles. 

Hathor pulled his hand away to reach for a pouch inside his robe.  He took something from it and held it up for Hux to see in the golden light, “We found these when we were changing.  I couldn’t stand the feeling of sweaty clothes so I made everyone do it.  We all have one, a symbol that we bested the temple.”

Hux looked at it blankly.  He had seen pictures, and even knowing what it was he was seeing and what it meant, he couldn’t feel excited.  He knew what he ought to feel.  Satisfaction that the knights had one, happy for their victory, some sort of triumph, but there was nothing.  He tried to pretend he felt something, even though it was pointless.  Hathor was bound to notice he was lying as he said, “I’m glad…” 

“We couldn’t have done it without you.  I mean that,” said Hathor, “You kept us all going.” 

Hux didn’t know why, but even though he felt a small thrill when he was praised, he also felt like crying.  He didn’t feel like he deserved praise or friendship or anything of the sort.  No, he was sure he didn’t deserve it.  How could he ever feel like he deserved anything good again?  He didn’t deserve to be happy or loved.  He was a horrible man who did horrible things and if all he ever received for the rest of his life was scorn, it would be perfectly fair. 

He felt fingers in his hair again as Hathor spoke, “Come on, you need to wash at least.  We’re all sharing a room and I’m sure you don’t want to smell.” 

“I don’t want to,” said Hux, full-aware of how childish he sounded. 

“Yes, but it’s something you need to do.  I can carry you if you’re that tired,” offered Hathor. 

The idea of moving was awful, but he didn’t want to be seen either being floated through the halls or dangling from the shoulder of a slighter man.  He gave a long sigh before he propped himself up and eventually managed to work himself into a half sitting position.  He looked at Hathor and felt pathetic, perfectly wretched.  He must have looked like as much of a mess as he felt. 

“Come on,” said Hathor, offering a hand, “I’ll even wash your hair if you want.  You’ve still got a bit of helmet-head.” 

Hux took his hand, feeling like a useless child, and Hathor helped to pull him to his feet.  He’d worked his own boots off before he had gotten out of the shuttle, but he was still wearing the rest of his tactical gear, or what was left of it.  All his weapons had been shed or destroyed inside the temple, leaving him with the light armour of his tactical vest and his clothing for protection.  He wondered for a moment if he doomed any other Force-Null who ever tried to enter and best the Living Temple.  Thanks to him, the Spirits had all the information they needed on how to counter modern technologies and weapons. 

Though he felt, after experiencing the Living Temple, that most Force-Nulls had the good sense to stay far away from it. 

He took a few unsteady steps, his muscles screaming with fatigue from the strain they had been put through.  By the third step he had caught himself and felt like he would have no trouble walking about.  He was conscious of each step though, willing himself to move forward.  He felt so miserable that his body was responding to his feelings, trying to shut itself down. 

Hathor slid the door to the hallway open and Hux stepped out, his bare feet touching the smooth, wooden floors and drawing a slight groan out of them.  He was surprised though when he heard another groan coming from the left as he exited the room. 

Turning his head he found the five able-bodied knights waiting for him.  Hux didn’t have the energy or feeling to say anything.  He simply looked them all over, Gaius crouched on the floor so the taller knights could lean over him and have a listen by the door.  The first thing that struck Hux was the absurdity of it.  The knights were mentally linked, there was absolutely no need for any of them to eavesdrop so long as one of them was in the room that they wanted to listen in on. 

“Hey,” said Eleo, raising a hand and greeting him as if the knights weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. 

“What are you doing?” asked Hux, even though he knew the answer. 

“Awaiting the emergence of our fair General that we might…deposit within our weary arms?” suggested Mako. 

Hux glanced at Hathor, “He knows I don’t understand a single word that comes out of his mouth, doesn’t he?” 

“Sort of,” replied Hathor. 

“Seigurd started it.  He wanted to be close,” said Eleo. 

Seigurd looked away and scratched at the bridge of his nose. 

“Shouldn’t some of you be with Kylo?” asked Hux. 

“Our goodly master is well on his way to mended.  He is supped and nourished and requires no further tending,” said Mako. 

“His command of the Force makes all mundane tasks quake in his presence!” declared E’Chon. 

Hux supposed that made sense.  Kylo wasn’t exactly an invalid, even when he was bedridden.  With the Force he could easily bring himself anything he needed, and call someone to help him if he needed something that couldn’t be accomplished with his power.  So long as his knights were in the same area, he probably didn’t need anybody by his side.  With his connection he really didn’t even need entertainment or a partner for conversation. 

Gaius got to his feet and dusted off the white robe he wore.  Shuffling forward slightly he reached out and took Hux’s hand, _‘Can I come with you?  I won’t talk if you don’t want to, I just want to make sure you’re okay…’_

Hux resisted the urge to recoil at the contact.  He could remember physical contact from other people and what he had to do to them as a consequence of becoming so close to them.  He’d been trained to be repulsed by touch, to avoid it and the attachment that it led to.  He’d always imagined he fell somewhere on the asexual spectrum, so he had tried to convince himself that touch wasn’t such a great loss for him.  He never really sought it out, so it shouldn’t bother him if nobody ever wanted to touch him again…but it did bother him.  Even if he didn’t seek out sex, he wanted touch.  But if he let himself become attached to whoever gave him the touches he craved… 

He didn’t really have time to muse on it though, not without making the situation awkward by standing silently in the middle of the hall like he was brain dead.  He gave a slight nod and Gaius pulled his hand back and making an affirmative hand gesture.  Hux recognized it as a standard First Order signal, one that was used when com-lines were taken out but line of sight wasn’t. 

Hux took a few steps to follow Hathor and turned back when he heard considerably more creaking than before.  He turned and saw the knights in midstride.  Sighing he asked, “Do you all want to come?” 

“We’ll allow you to use the changing rooms before us, if you would like to maintain your privacy,” offered Seigurd, “Though as to why you would want that I have no idea…” 

“You aren’t obligated to say yes…we’re just worried about you Red.  Worried enough that just feeling your mood doesn’t cut it,” said Eleo. 

Hux felt too numb to put up a fight.  If the other knights wanted to be in the hot spring with him, then so be it.  It was nothing that they hadn’t seen before, and he was so tired.  He didn’t want to argue anymore.  He just felt like he wanted everything to be over without actually stopping. 

He sighed and made a hand motion that they could follow him, “I’d like the change on my own, if I can.” 

   ***  

Hux began the process of stripping off his gear in the little changing area between the palace itself and the hot spring.  He took off the vest, his shoulders appreciating being free from any significant weight.  Then came the shirt he wore underneath.  Hathor had been right, he had been sweaty, so much so that he could see one or two little boils appearing as a consequence from keeping his pores clogged up with grime.  He sighed slightly at that, he hadn’t actually had pimples since he had been a teenager. 

It was when he started to remove his pants that something seemed off.  His pockets hand been emptied when the final spirit had flung away all the weapons it could detect.  He should have had nothing in his pockets at all, but as his pants dropped to the floor he heard something strike the ground by his feet. 

Hux started slightly and wondered if something had gotten caught or if some small knife had been left in his pockets after all.  He grimaced at the memory of what he had done with his boot knife and convinced himself it would not have been any better if he used a knife from his pocket instead.  He picked up his pants, meaning to fold them and clean out his pockets when he stopped, squeezing along them to figure out which pocket it had come from. 

Hux finally located it in his front pocket.  Reaching in, he felt the coolness of metal.  It was flat, and round like a coin.  He pulled it out and took a good long look at it. 

It was a victory token from the Temple.  The first to be earned by a Force-Null. 


	41. Let it all Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry to do this, but I'm going to have to switch to updating every OTHER week. Between my job and other projects, I just can't keep up this pace anymore. I'm really sorry about that, and I'll do my best to make sure each chapter is worth the wait.

His first instinct was to throw the thing away.  Somehow, something had slipped something into his clothing without his knowledge and he found the thought violating and disturbing.  His mind raced back to when a spirit had torn his belt from him, planted visions in his mind and used Kylo…used his image and that of the knights to frighten him.  All of the memories that he had tried to get rid of came rushing back and he felt like he was right back at the beginning again, feeling crushed and alone. 

The tossed the little coin onto the pile of clothing and tried to pretend he hadn’t seen it.  Even when they were trying to commend him the damned spirits managed to devastate him.  He wrapped a towel around himself and tried to forget about the whole thing.  He just wanted to go home and have the whole thing erased.  He knew it would disappoint the others.  He hated disappointing people and now he knew why.  He had been a disgusting, snivelling child desperate for daddy’s approval.  Hopefully, that would be erased too, and he could continue on as he had.  Calm, stoic and capable. 

Hux understood many of the merits of emotions now.  As he walked into the bath he reflected on how the knights made them useful, and when they became burdensome, they supported each other until they could function properly again.  If Hux had more time he might have considered asking them for assistance, but there wasn’t time.  Reconditioning was the only option.  It was that or risk having mental-breakdowns on the bridge or during meetings.  He couldn’t afford to do that.  He simply couldn’t… 

He looked around and felt like all the energy had been sapped from his limbs.  He knew he was supposed to scrub himself and wash his hair before entering the bath, but he didn’t feel like it.  He stood in the open-air hot spring and felt like he didn’t even have the ability to drag himself over to the pool.  Perhaps he shouldn’t have come.  He hadn’t been happy, stretched out on the floor, alone, in his guestroom, but he wasn’t happy here either.  It felt like coming outside was a wasted effort and it made him angry.  He wished Hathor had left him alone. 

He looked about for something that wasn’t the bath, a place that he might just sit, lie down and feel miserable until…until it all just went away.  He didn’t know how to work through these feelings.  Perhaps he was just supposed to suffer through them until they faded away.  He didn’t know if there was a way to get rid of them without having them forcibly removed. 

He someone softly knocking on the paper thin door before quietly asking something that was muffled by distance and the slim barrier.  The door slid open and he heard Hathor calling, “Honey, are you in there?” 

Hux didn’t answer.  He was…he was angry at Hathor.  He knew that made absolutely no sense at all but he was still feeling it and he didn’t know how to make it stop.  There was no reason to be angry with the knight, but the fact that he was there and had brought Hux away from his room seemed enough for his mind to reclassify him as a nuisance.  He didn’t want to talk to Hathor anymore.  He just wanted to lie down and feel miserable. 

Hathor carefully stepped into the bath, still wearing his robe, “There you are…do you want to wash up.” 

“I don’t want anything,” Hux replied sharply, “This was a bad idea.” 

“General, you need to wash,” said Hathor firmly, “You can’t go back on duty smelling like that, and I know shuttle rides are less enjoyable covered in sweat and grime.  I know you’re upset, but you still need to eat and wash.” 

“Just leave me alone,” said Hux. 

Hathor took a step forward, “General, I’ve been through this.  You think you understand the world and then…then suddenly you don’t.  You find out you’ve been a part of something terrible and you wish it wasn’t true, but you know it is.  It feels like there’s nothing in the universe worth striving for because…how can anything in such an ugly, cruel galaxy be worth it?” 

He inched closer, “I was a child…they thought my power was something it wasn’t.  They trained me to kill because they thought it would appease the sun.  It sounds ridiculous but I _believed_ it.  I believed so strongly that I took many lives needlessly, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do.  Then I found out all that blood was for nothing…I was just a killer by a more pleasant name.” 

He stood beside Hux, reaching out as if he meant to touch him but never made contact, “I know you believed things too.  That your family was distant, but kind.  That the First Order was harsh in its methods…methods you changed, if I’m not mistaken.” 

Hux crossed his arms over his chest and held them at the elbows, “It was wasteful…The old…my father’s methods were too full of needless cruelties.  It was sociopathic…we eliminated the killing.  Murdering promising cadets was pointless.  Stealing children brought us nothing but universal hatred while we were trying to legitimize our cause…I thought I was just being pragmatic.  I didn’t know I was so…that I was a…” 

He felt Hathor’s fingers brush over his own.  He spoke quietly, “You might be thinking ‘victim,’ but perhaps the word you’re looking for is ‘survivor.’  You survived all of that.  Too much to let these feelings get the better of you now.” 

Hux took a step back, “I just don’t feel like anything.” 

“Then you sit and I’ll wash, because, really, you’re covered in a layer of grime that needs to come off,” insisted Hathor. 

Hux sighed and dragged his feet towards the wash area with the basins and line of stools.  He sat down and felt like a child, too weak and incapable to even bathe himself.  He clutched the towel as it threatened to come undone with his movements and re-secured it around his hips.  He heard Hathor let out a grunt as he knelt behind him and started filling a basin with water and took a wash cloth, “I don’t think I’ve had a chance to really work on you since the first time we met.” 

“No…when you stopped on the Finalizer while Kylo was away you used those awful wax strips,” said Hux. 

“Yes, but your eyebrows were flawless and your legs had never been smoother,” argued Hathor, “I remember that now.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone swear so much during a waxing session.” 

“It hurt,” Hux argued. 

“But it was certainly worth it.  Mako thought so as well,” mused Hathor. 

Hux felt a wet cloth press to his back before scrubbing aggressively.  It felt less like the knight was trying to give him a massage and more like he was trying to strip paint off a stubborn surface.  Hux could just imagine how red and smarting his back was going to look when Hathor was through with him. 

“I know I should just focus on getting you washed, but your nails look chipped, and you’ve been neglecting the skin treatments I gave you, haven’t you?” said Hathor. 

“It’s too complicated,” argued Hux. 

“You run a military that controls a vast portion of the galaxy.  Moisturizing can’t be that complicated for you,” countered the knight. 

Hux sighed.  Hathor had a point, and Hux wasn’t up to arguing with him.  He winced occasionally as he listened for birds and the trickling of water.  He wondered where Kylo was and how he was feeling.  The knight probably wouldn’t be up to walking for a few days, so he was likely lying down.  Was he alone?  No…that was a silly question.  His thoughts were probably buzzing and mingling with the other knights, so he was probably far from lonely.  He might have even been watching and listening as they spoke. 

“Is Kylo there?” Hux grunted as Hathor began scrubbing at his shoulders. 

“He is,” replied Hathor, “He’s worried, but he’ll stop watching if you’re uncomfortable.” 

“No, it’s fine…I was just wondering,” replied Hux quietly. 

“Do you want to talk to him?” asked Hathor, “Well, it’s not exactly talking.  I don’t doubt that he’s powerful enough to control me if he wanted to, but I could relay messages if you want me to.” 

“No, I just wanted to know,” insisted Hux. 

“Well, just so you know, he’s worried, and he cares about you a lot,” said Hathor, “We all care, regardless of whether you feel like you deserve it or not.” 

Hux stiffened slightly, “Who said I felt that?” 

“Nobody, but I’ve done things that made me think that nobody could ever love me,” sighed Hathor.  Hux heard an odd noise, an honest-to-the-Emperor giggle as Hathor concluded, “Then of course I met Mako, and…I think you know the rest.” 

Hux felt the knight lean against him from behind and assured him, “So you know, it’s possible.  Even when you feel like you’re worthless, there’s someone who thinks you’re the dearest pulse of his heart.” 

The sentiment was horribly clichéd.  It was so nice it had to be a lie, and even though evidence to the contrary was right behind him, Hux couldn’t help thinking it was a lie.  These feelings were overriding his reason.  He had felt what Kylo felt towards him.  He knew the knight cared for him.  But the idea of anyone loving him when he found himself so wretched seemed like a farce.  Despite having first hand data that he collected with his own senses, Hux found himself doubting them. 

“How do you make it stop?” asked Hux, “How do you make all these awful feelings go away?” 

Hathor paused, moving away from Hux entirely.  Hux could hear a slick sort of sound as the knight rubbed either soap or some sort of oil through his hands, “It’s hard to say…everyone manages in different ways.  Eleo builds something, Gaius has a good cry and he’s fine within an hour, Mako meditates or writes poem, Seigurd reads, Kylo hits something and...well…I think you notice that I clean a lot.” 

Hux paused, “So…all that business with nails and oils is…?” 

“Incredibly therapeutic,” said Hathor, “It started with tidying up, but I found cleaning combined with self-care was perfect.  I got to work out some frustrations and remind myself that no matter who I was, the person I am now still deserves to be cared for.  So does anyone else I decide to work on.” 

“Do the others…” asked Hux. 

“No, they joined in because they like it, and they realized they look and feel better when they put in the effort,” explained Hathor. 

“Of course, it was dysphoric as fuck at first.” 

Hux turned and saw Eleo, towel slung over his shoulder, take a stool some distance away from him and start splashing himself with water.  Hathor shuddered and flinch, “At least wait until it warms up!” 

Eleo rolled his eyes and let the water run for a moment before resuming, “I mean, here I am, trying to feel comfortable in my body, and I can feel this weirdo putting on his make-up and primping every morning.” 

“Cleanliness has nothing to do with gender,” said Hathor.  He gestured to his eyes, “And this is-”

“Yeah, I know, it’s something men and women on your homeworld do,” said the knight, “It took a while to dissociate taking your time in the morning from being a girl.” 

“And we were all grateful when you did.  You stank up any room you walked into,” muttered Hathor. 

Hux lurched forward as Hathor began manhandling his hair.  When he had imagined aesthetic treatments he always envisioned them being relaxing.  He was fairly certain Hathor was trying to test the elasticity of his scalp as he scrubbed and squeezed at his hair.  His limbs still felt like putty though, and he doubted he would be able to take over if the knight stopped. 

“ _I_ stank up the room?  Obviously you don’t remember your perfume phase…” mumbled Eleo. 

Hux was forced to close one eye as the scrubbing became even more intense.  He could hear other footsteps plod their way into the bath.  They were quiet and hesitant as they approached the wash area.  Hux let out a slight sigh, “I’m depressed, not rabid.  You don’t have to skulk and tip-toe around me.” 

He heard a very loud sigh before E’Chon exclaimed, “It is well!  Silence is most tedious!  Has the soft-handed General recovered?” 

“Feeling any better, hon?” asked Hathor. 

“I don’t know…it’s all muddled,” admitted Hux. 

“Time will be required to undo the harm that has been done,” said Seigurd, sounding surprisingly close. 

“As the spinning sun doth change the faces of the moon,” began Mako, “Time may change to face of battle hardened man.”

Hux didn’t hear Gaius, but assumed the small night must have been nearby somewhere.  With his current aversion to touch he wondered if he would be able to communicate with Gaius at all.  He hoped he could will himself through it.  Of all the knights he probably enjoyed talking to Gaius the most, despite their unorthodox way of doing so. 

Before he could hazard looking about, Hathor dumped a basin of water over his head, rinsing out the suds.  Almost immediately Hathor began shampooing his hair for the second time, and after that he added something else.  What did they call it?  Conditioner?  He had no idea exactly what it did, but the knights seemed bizarrely insistent that he use it at least every other time he washed.  Kylo mentioned something about bounce, shine and softness, but they were things that Hux had never bothered about.  Those words didn’t seem particularly well suited to a General. 

“Have you been skimping on the conditioner?” asked Hathor. 

“I don’t have time…” muttered Hux. 

“It takes less than a minute.  Use the conditioner,” insisted Hathor. 

Hux looked away, feeling…more self-conscious than usual.  Usually if he didn’t know something he was slightly embarrassed, but he was able to reason that it was how people learned and ask his question anyways.  Likely because whatever barrier in his mind was gone, he couldn’t stem it by himself.  He had to force himself to say, incredibly quietly, “I’ve used it up, I don’t know where to get more.” 

“You haven’t asked Kylo?” asked Hathor. 

“I kept forgetting, actually,” replied Hux. 

“Loads of places have it.  If you stop on a planet that has a store for household items, they should have it.  The trouble is figuring out what bottle it is if you don’t read arubesh,” said Eleo. 

“T’is not always carried in a similar vessel,” reminded Mako. 

“It’s true!  I have visited a planet that only sold hair potions in bags!” added E’Chon. 

Hathor leaned forward, “Gaius says he’s been places where it actually came in bars.” 

Hux was about to look for the knight when Hathor poured another basin of water over him, “Alright, all clean.  You can go in the bath if you want, or if you’re really not up to it you can go back to your room.  It’s alright if you do.” 

He took a moment to consider it.  His mood was improving slightly, but he didn’t know how long that would last.  He certainly still felt like he would be better off hiding alone somewhere until the feelings ran their course, but he also didn’t feel like moving, and the bath was a shorter distance.  He was also, strangely, too exhausted to be bothered by being half-naked.  He was covered enough, and he could turn away if he was bothered by anyone else’s nudity.  Overall, being in the bath seemed like less work, and he was confident that the knights wouldn’t talk to him if he asked them not to.  They all seemed happier communicating through thoughts anyhow. 

Perhaps they were happier communicating without him…it was an absurd thought after everything Hux had experienced, but his unhappy mind was still telling him that it was the truth. 

He gave a nod and got to his feet, making his way slowly to the bath.  He kept his eyes on the ground, unable to help thinking that perhaps he was being stared at.  He made his way to the pool and slipped in quickly.  The towel that had been around his hips was already soaked from Hathor’s scrubbing, so Hux figured it was alright to wear it into the pool and take it off once he felt comfortable, leaving it to dry off a little on one of the rocks. 

He heard a splash and turned.  Gaius was looking up at him, and Hux had a difficult time placing the expression the knight was using.  He was clearly wanting something, and Hux could imagine what it was.  The knight didn’t just want contact, he needed it in order to communicate.  If Hux insisted on keeping a distance, Gaius wouldn’t be able to talk with him at all.  It made Hux feel…bad.  He felt like he needed space, but disappointing people felt so much worse than usual… 

He leaned against the rocks and looked at the water.  Whatever minerals were in it cast a sort of blue aura around his pale limbs, reminding him vaguely of old fashioned lights.  He watched the little air bubbles attached to his legs gradually wriggle themselves free and float to the surface.  This wasn’t like him at all, and yet now he could remember multiple times that he had shut himself up to stew in his own misery.  He didn’t like it, but it was all he seemed capable of doing at the moment. 

It didn’t seem right.  All of the knights, every single one of them had just as much reason or more to be upset, and despite that they were the ones trying to comfort him.  That was why he was here.  He was supposed to be a vessel, a sort of emotional center to provide group harmony, and here he was, completely incapable.  Failing at performing the very function that he had been brought along to provide. 

“It’s going to be okay, Red.” 

Hux heard the words and felt the water ripple, assuming that Eleo had entered the bath as well.  He heard the knight sigh, “I’m not really good with words…usually I just send thoughts and that makes everything alright.” 

“It’s fine…I’m useless like this.  Once I’m reconditioned you won’t need to worry about me,” said Hux quietly.  He didn’t look up as he added, “I know that you’re all aware of my conversation with Kylo.  I don’t expect I’m capable of keeping secrets from you.  I have to do it, it’s the only way.” 

“It is not!” 

Hux was confident that half the household had heard E’Chon’s exclamation.  He didn’t sound angry, but he certainly wasn’t happy about the situation.  Likely at someone else’s mental prodding he continued a little more quietly, “It is not.  We would assist you.” 

“I can’t wait.  When I return I’ll need to be at full capacity.  I just…I can’t,” said Hux quietly, reaching up and curling a strand of red hair around his finger.  He couldn’t look up.  He felt if he tried to look anyone in the eyes he would just start crying again. 

“We can feel your pain, the Force is thick with it.” 

Seigurd must have come in at some point, Hux hadn’t even noticed him.  He had felt the Force…sort of.  When he was connected to the knights, Hux could feel them use the Force, but he couldn’t replicate the sensations or ability in himself.  He supposed stopping themselves from having that sort of Empathic ability would be like asking them to shut down one of their senses.  The knight sighed, “It is your decision…and we will respect it.” 

He flinched as he felt a hand on top of his head.  He felt Seigurd gently untangle his finger from his hair and smooth it back down.  His touch was so sudden and so gentle, he was so understanding it…it just…

…made him burst into tears again. 

   *** 

_‘Way to go Seigurd, you made him cry!’_

_‘Poor thing…’_

_‘It is most unlike our flower of war.’_

_‘How…How do we fight this sadness!?  I wish to battle it!  I would cut it down!  How does one punch the sadness!?”_

_‘I…how…how do I make him stop?  I didn’t mean to cause any harm.  I’ll try once more…’_

**_‘Seigurd no!’_ **

_‘It…it made him cry harder.  Why is nothing working?  Something has to work…’_

_‘There’s always something but…I think he might just cry a lot at first.  He’s been holding this back for years.  I wish could feel better though.  It’s hard staying back like this.’_

_‘What would work?  Warm tea and a hot bath usually work for me…’_

_‘T’is a move that will prove a risk, but a thought has come upon my mind.’_

_‘That…that is risky…’_

_‘I can see it backfiring horribly.’_

_‘Y-yeah but…it also might work.  He doesn’t want people around, so maybe it might work.’_

_‘I agree with my smallest brother!  We must make every attempt!’_

_‘What do you think, Master of Ren?  You probably know him best.’_

_‘I can see it going either way, but it might work better if you make a task of it.  He wouldn’t like it being sprung on him, but if you put them in his room and said you needed someone to watch them, it could work.  Also…I’d like it if he was with me, just in case it goes badly.”_

_‘In the meantime…I feel I must once more attempt…’_

**_‘Dammit Seigurd, no!’_ **

_‘It didn’t work…’_

   *** 

Hux’s sobbing and hiccupping barely stopped long enough for him to register the sound of someone being slapped upside the head, hard, before Seigurd tumbled into the hot spring, armour and all. 


	42. Which to bury, us or the hatchet?

When Hux finally got control over himself, he felt humiliated.  How many times did that make in the same day that he had lost control and started sobbing like a child?  This time nothing bad had even happened.  Seigurd tried to be nice to him and he burst into tears like an infant.  He felt like a useless child, good for nothing except crying and eating up everyone’s time and effort.  He excused himself with a mumble and left the bath before he could be stopped.  He didn’t even take time to properly dry himself. 

He had been in such a rush that he’d forgotten that all he had was his dirty clothes.  Looking about he spotted another robe and figured that this might have been where the knights had gotten them, or one of them had been thoughtful enough to leave one lying out for him.  Gaius…it might have been Gaius.  He had seemed like he had been wanting to say something, and he was one of the more contentious knights.  Hux slipped the robe on and gathered his clothes into a bundle, careful not to drop or lose the coin he’d found in his pocket. 

He still wasn’t sure how he felt about it.  He had certainly earned it.  After such a harrowing experience it would be awful to have nothing but mental scars and humiliation to show for it.  The sight of it bothered Hux though.  It reminded him of everything horrible he had done, and he wondered if that was the point.  He found it odd that so few challengers had photographed their prize after the trials.  Now that he had been through it, knowing that he could barely stand the sight of it without being reminded of the trauma he’d been through, Hux understood. 

It must have been that way by design.  The spirits wouldn’t want their lessons to be so easily forgotten.  Hux also wondered what it was that he was supposed to learn from his experience.  If it was something along the lines of ‘be yourself’ it was an awfully cruel twist on a typically uplifting lesson.  He hadn’t been himself, who he was couldn’t handle his responsibilities.  He needed to change himself.  He needed to use everything at his disposal to make himself perfect.  What could he possibly gain from being himself? 

Recalling Seigurd’s constant rants about doing as the darkness bids and living naturally, Hux guessed that the spirits must have taken issue with his conditioning.  It wasn’t natural, even if he felt it was for the best.  The spirits, in a fit of feeling holier than thou must have decided that they ought to take matters into their own hands and ensure Hux fell more in line with their ideals. 

He stumbled back to his room and tossed his bundle on the floor.  He never should have left.  He should have just stayed here and not bothered with the bath.  He felt exhausted and awful.  He laid down again as the angry and sad feelings completely took over again.  He didn’t really understand.  Not a half hour ago he could have sworn he was getting better, and now the feeling was all gone. 

He curled in on himself slightly.  How did he become this pathetic?  He hadn’t wanted this.  He hadn’t wanted these memories.  He hadn’t wanted to be a killer.  He had just wanted to help…that was all he had ever wanted.  He supposed that desire never left, he still felt he could save the galaxy if he could just control it, but…he couldn’t remember ever wanting to kill anyone, especially not his classmates or his teachers or…

He wondered why his father would make him do that.  Hux recalled when he had taken control of the Order and the training protocol he had quickly struck murder from the requirements, along with training that required killing animals.  In his mind, at that time, it had seemed wasteful.  Why have promising cadets kill other promising cadets when they needed all the manpower they could get?  Why have them kill their pets when there was a clear correlation with mental disorders and those who followed those orders? 

And yet…his father had done it.  He hadn’t just stopped with Hux either.  He had to have noticed the effect the tests were having on their subjects.  If the training wasn’t producing capable soldiers, why did he continue?  Hux knew the answer, but he didn’t like it.

His father had been…torturing him…  Deliberately and without purpose. 

Hux lay his hands on his arms.  He felt tired and sick.  So tired…

_‘Hux.’_

Hux couldn’t be bothered to be outraged by the sudden voice in his head. 

_‘I know you hate this, but you don’t speak Heian so I wasn’t sure if you’d understand a messenger.  Can you come see me?  Please?’_

Hux closed his eyes, his thoughts automatically forming a defeated, _‘I can’t…’_

_‘Please?  I need you.  I need some help.’_

It was an obvious ploy.  If he needed someone’s help, he could easily call on any of the knights and they would come.  He wasn’t the only one who could help.  Thanks to being able to access Mako’s language ability, Kylo could probably call on any number of servants to help him.  Frankly, Hux wasn’t needed.  The fact that Kylo was calling specifically for him meant one of two things.  Either Kylo wanted to see him, or Kylo wanted him to snap out of his funk. 

The knights had mentioned that his mood could alter the way the Force flowed through him, which seemed to colour the mystical landscape that was only visible to them.  He was probably being a nuisance, flooding the area with negative feelings and energy.  This might have been Kylo’s discreet way of asking him to control his mood. 

With some effort he hauled himself to his feet.  Kylo was in another room somewhere, but he wasn’t entirely sure where.  He didn’t know how he was supposed to get there without someone else showing him how to-

_‘Turn, down the hall a little, second door on the right.’_

-or Kylo could tell him telepathically.  Hux sighed and slid the door open, following the directions to get to Kylo’s room.  He walked by the panels and listened to the floors creak under his bare feet.  He went into Kylo’s room without knocking.  The knight was more or less in his head, and was expecting him, so there seemed to be no point. 

Kylo was on his back, propped up against some pillows in the corner with a box balanced on his stomach.  Hux arched his brow slightly as he approached. 

“Mako mentioned that there’s this animal that’s popular at court, so they’re always breeding litters of them,” said Kylo. 

Hux felt the blood in his veins flee from his fingertips at the mention of animals.  When Kylo didn’t speak and Hux didn’t reply, he could hear movement, clumsy padding paws and scratching.  He hadn’t seen an animal up close since… 

Kylo looked up, seemingly knowing the effect the little animals in his box were having.  He shifted his grip on the box and continued awkwardly, “They need exercise…you could help me watch them?” 

“Why Ren?” asked Hux sharply, “Does Mako need someone to wrap them up in a sac?  Toss them in the hot spring so they can practice swimming?” 

Kylo’s eyes widened slightly at that, “No…Hux we didn’t mean-”

“Because that’s all I’m good for!” shouted Hux, not caring that the walls were paper thin, “The Spirits were right!  I’m not the nurturing, loving center you wanted!  I destroy everything I touch!” 

The creatures in the box stopped moving at the noise and Hux felt…he felt guilt when he heard it.  He shook his head as a sort of vindictiveness gripped him.  He was hurt and he wanted others to hurt just as much, if not worse than he felt.  It was just as well.  He was already a monster.  He might as well enjoy knowing that small, defenseless creatures were suffering.  He didn’t completely but…he felt he ought to. 

“Hux…we know you’re not a monster,” said Kylo. 

“I am!  How can you look at me and see anything but someone who’s heartless!?” demanded Hux, “You know what I’ve done!  You know what I’m building!  I’m…I’m just a monster.” 

“You’re not,” said Kylo firmly, almost angry, “If you’re a monster, then so am I, and E’Chon, and Seigurd, and Eleo, and Mako and Hathor, and even Gaius.  You’re not the only one who’s done awful things that you never wanted to.” 

Hux shook his head, “A stronger person would have said no.  Would have walked away from this…Would have never picked up that damned blaster…” 

“And would have died,” Kylo pointed out, “Died or worse.  You’re fighting a war Hux.  Nobody comes out of wars with their hands clean.  Even the kindest, most loving people wind up with blood on their hands.” 

“And that makes it okay,” growled Hux, “That justifies everything.” 

“I don’t have an answer, and I don’t think you really want an answer right now anyways,” observed Kylo. 

“You don’t want me touching whatever’s in there,” said Hux finally. 

“You don’t have to, but I’m letting them out of the box,” said Kylo. 

Before Hux could turn on his heels Kylo dipped his hand into the box.  He pulled out a grey bundle of fur and set it on the ground.  It was obviously a young creature, stumbling forward with its tail held high for balance.  Kylo reached into the box again and again until there were half a dozen of the little creatures padding their way across the woven mat floor. 

Hux glared at Kylo, “I think this is the most tasteless thing you’ve ever done.” 

“Leave then,” said Kylo, “I’m not forcing you to stay.” 

“You’re perfectly heartless, Ren,” growled Hux, turning and slamming the thin door behind him. 

   ***  

_‘He hasn’t called me ‘Ren’ for…it’s been a while…’_

_‘I beg your forgiveness, sweet master.’_

_‘No, I know what you were trying to do, Mako.  I thought it might help too.’_

_‘So…what do we do?  He won’t take medicine, he doesn’t want therapy…I really think reconditioning is a bad idea, but it’s the only solution he’s accepting.’_

_‘I don’t like it either, Gaius, but…it’s his choice.  We can’t force him.’_

_‘Can’t we do something though?  I mean, something short of smacking some sense into him.’_

_‘The General is Arkanisian.  From his anecdotes I’ve gathered that most of his social interaction involves ‘smacking.’’_

_‘That might be a generalization but…weirdly enough he might respond to someone literally slapping him out of his funk.’_

_‘Let’s try **not** slapping him.’  _

_‘But I want to battle the sadness!’_

_‘Ow, ow, volume, big guy.’_

_‘I feel like there has to be something we can try but…he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want anything we’ve tried offering.  I really thought Mako’s idea would work.’_

_‘Thy faith revives my weary soul, brother of my heart.’_

_‘It was a risky move, we knew this would be a possibility.  Are the kittens still in your…ah, wait, I can feel one biting your foot, Master of Ren.’_

_‘Yeah, ow…’_

_‘…’_

_‘Do you guys want to come over and pet them?’_

_‘Only because the General doesn’t seem to want company.’_

_‘Do you think…maybe if we wait for him long enough, he’ll come join us?’_

_‘I…I really can’t say Gaius.  I’m not sure how to predict him when he’s like this.’_

_***_

Hux sat in a corner feeling furious.  He wasn’t sure what he wanted.  He had left the door open for someone to spot him and come in…but he only wanted them to come in so he would have someone to shout at.  He knew shouting was wrong, and he would feel awful if he shouted at any of the knights, but he was waiting for someone to come so he could scream at them?  It made no sense.  No sense at all. 

He was barely starting to get control over his tears.  He almost felt as if he were too angry to cry.  He curled himself into a little ball, arms circling his knees and stewing in how angry he was feeling.  He was angry at his father, he was angry at Kylo, but most of all, he was angry with himself.  He shouldn’t have been short with Kylo.  As much as the sight of those animals cut him to the core, Kylo had been trying to help. 

They’d been so small and fragile, the way Molly had been when his father deposited her into his arms.  She had been so warm and soft, his only boyhood friend…then he shot her.  He knew he shouldn’t have done it, and no telling himself that his father would have been brutal with him seemed to justify his actions.  He couldn’t make his actions right in his mind.  All Molly had ever done was love him, and he’d killed her.  She had been helpless, her leash tied to a post.  She couldn’t even run away. 

And soon she would be gone again.  He would be reconditioned and he would forget all about her.  The sight of small animals wouldn’t bother him then.  It would be over and he could be normal with Kylo and the knights, the way he had been before the Temple Spirits had dismantled his conditioning. 

He started slightly as he detected movement from the corner of his eye.  One of the small animals, an orange one, tripped its way into the room.  Hux froze as it walked in, making a beeline for the closet, the door of which was open enough for a small animal to enter and get trapped inside. 

Swallowing slightly, he moved onto his hands and knees and crawled over.  The very least he could do was open the closet the whole way so the creature would be able to get out again.  Inside, the animal was rubbing its face against one of the mattresses, then began clawing at it with its nails. 

“No,” said Hux firmly, reaching in and scooping the animal up with one hand.  He had a feeling that it wasn’t allowed to tear up the bedding.  He knew he ought to bring her back to Kylo.  He had the thing’s siblings, and he was supposed to be looking after them.  He would probably send someone to come looking for her, and the last thing Hux wanted was to be bothered and pitied again. 

He set the creature down and shut the closet door.  He gave it a little push, “Go on.  Go back.” 

He had expected the thing to go away, since it seemed to like exploring.  Instead, it rolled onto its back, flopping back and forth to stretch its flexible body.  Then, possibly sensing his body heat, it decided to make a little home for itself wedged up against his leg. 

“No,” said Hux again, giving it a light push, “Go away.” 

It was a baby, whatever it was.  It wasn’t going to understand.  If Hux wanted it gone, he would have to take it to someone else so they could look after it. He couldn’t speak Heian, he had just snapped at Kylo, and the knights were bound to know about that.  He felt the only thing he could do was sit and hope his feelings of anxiety and anger would leave him, but he also didn’t want to wait with this animal that brought back so many bad memories. 

The creature made a soft noise and pressed its head against his leg, the same way it had done with the mattress.  It started making a rumbling sound, its whole body vibrating.  Hux had no idea whether that was a good thing or not.  It sounded like a growl, but also like it might be a purr.  The animal persisted, rubbing against his leg, trying to pet itself against him. 

Hux prodded it, letting it rub its face on his finger.  He held his hand in place, letting the creature use it however it liked, seeming to like attention on its face and near its ears the most. 

His arm was getting tired so he let the thing into his lap.  It wasn’t exactly like Molly.  Even as a puppy, Molly had been bigger.  Molly had also needed a lot of training to keep from running about and peeing on the floor.  This creature seemed slightly more manageable, if only because it was content to stay in one place for a long time and remain inactive.  She was orange, but not a solid orange.  There were other warm hues striped over her back, and her eyes were green. 

Part of his mind was telling him not to get close.  He couldn’t get close.  Attachments were detrimental to the First Order.  More than that…someone might make him kill it.  If he loved it he would have to kill it.  That was what had always happened.  He loved something and then it had to die.  It would happen to the animal and it was…

…it was bound to happen with Kylo. 

He was certain before that he had…affection for Kylo before.  When the knight went on a mission Hux worried, and he found the feeling of being alone unpleasant.  When he adjusted to it he had enjoyed being touched, and he found reciprocating to be less of a nuisance than he thought it would be.  He felt more content in Kylo’s presence but now…something was different.  It was like everything was amplified so powerfully that he was beginning to question if what he had felt before was really love. 

The feeling made him feel sick though.  He knew what followed when that feeling came upon him.  He couldn’t help dreading it.  It was awful.  He felt certain that at any moment he would receive a message, or someone would enter and he’d be ordered to crush the little creature in his lap. 

He moved his hand over it as it settled into place.  The poor thing was completely ignorant to everything.  It had no idea what it was doing to Hux or the inner turmoil it was causing.  Hux watched the door, waiting and dreading for the order to come. 

It never came, and the creature kept purring in his lap. 

It…it should go back to the others.  That was the best thing for it.  It ought to be with the other little creatures and someone who knew how to care for it.  It meant facing Kylo, and he would have to apologize for snapping.  He hated apologizing, but he felt as if he shouldn’t spent any more time with the creature.  He would only wind up becoming more attached to it. 

He scooped it up in his arm, keeping a hand over it to keep it from falling and hurting itself.  He kicked the door open with his foot…

And Hathor nearly crashed into him. 

“Honey, we’re sorry, we didn’t mean for it to get out, honest,” said Hathor, pulling the animal out of his arms. 

When the animal was taken from him, Hux felt his warmth leave him.  He felt as if he ought to say something.  Thank Hathor for taking the animal from him and saving him the trouble of confronting Kylo.  All he could feel was cold though.  Suddenly he didn’t want it to go.  Now that he was actually faced with parting with the little creature, he didn’t want to let it go. 

Hathor arched his brow.  No doubt the Force around him had shifted, revealing his emotions to the knight.  Or perhaps his own face had betrayed him.  In the state he was in, he had lost confidence in his ability to keep a good poker face.  Hathor held out the animal, “If you want to come sit with us, you don’t have to talk.  You don’t have to play with them either if you don’t want to.” 

Hux took the animal back, “If I apologized to you, could you pass it along to-”

“I’m afraid I can’t let you off the hook that easily,” said Hathor, who couldn’t seem to help grinning slightly, “I think it’s best for the both of you if you talked things out face to face. 

Hux grimaced slightly and held the animal to his chest, nodding his acknowledgement despite his dislike for the answer he received. 

Hathor reached out and stroked the animal with a finger, “They’re called kittens.  Cats when they grow up.  This one sort of looks like you, same hair and eyes.” 

Hux didn’t really have anything to say in response to that.  He was simply drawing blanks.  There was nothing he could add, and he really couldn’t agree that the kitten looked like him.  It was so small and fragile looking, even compared to him.  He stroked over its soft fur and felt its little claws cling to the fabric of his robe. 

“Do you want to sit with us?” asked Hathor, he glanced to the side briefly as if someone had just whispered in his ear, “We all want you back, but Kylo won’t leave me alon- ow!  Master of Ren, embarrassment is no reason to shriek like that!” 

Hathor rubbed at his ear and Hux couldn’t hold back the sniff of a laugh that escaped him.  That was just…so typical of Kylo.  Things would likely never be the same now, but at least some things were regaining a semblance of normalicy. 


	43. Many kinds of Cat

Hux held the kitten and wondered what he ought to say to Kylo.  Sorry was a good place to start, but it was a very difficult word for Hux to say.  He didn’t feel that his outburst had been wrong.  Even now he felt completely justified in calling out that showing him a bunch of small, helpless animals after what he had been through, with absolutely no warning on top of that, was wrong.  The idea had deserved to be called out as insensitive. 

But Kylo hadn’t meant for it to be insensitive.  He had tried to help.  It had backfired, but he had been making an effort and all Hux could do was shout at him.  The idea had been callous, but Kylo wasn’t.  He didn’t deserve the reaction that he had received.  He deserved an apology, Hux was just terrible at giving them. 

He stood outside the door with Hathor.  He knew that the knights must know he was coming in.  Hathor was right next to him, silent, likely relaying everything he heard, saw and sensed to the others.  Hux still couldn’t help thinking that the knight’s connection would make for an excellent base design of recon droids.  All of them silently communicating and feeding each other information, not only helping them explore surroundings, but grow and adapt to become stronger, harder for enemies to destroy or track. 

The kitten in his arms was becoming restless.  Hux supposed a baby of any sort could only be still and quiet for so long before it wanted to do something else.  It only seemed to grow more eager to escape when it heard other mewls and noises from its siblings. 

Maybe…at least for a few minutes, he wouldn’t have to say anything.  They could just sit for a while and Hux would work up the courage to apologize.  The kitten wanted to go back in, it was cruel to keep it on the other side of the door, letting it hear the other creatures but not see or interact with them.  He cautiously slid open the door and his eyes widened with what he saw. 

There were cats and kittens everywhere. 

They were all sorts of shapes and colours.  Fat, round ones, lithe, thin ones, short ones, long ones, black cats, white cats, orange cats, cats with spots and cats with stripes.  He arched his brow at the sight of multiple boxes.  It was as if the knights had robbed a nursery full of cats and set them loose in Kylo’s room.  Hux could scarcely count them all.  There were at least twenty, maybe thirty animals running loose, maybe more.  He tried counting.  E’Chon had several kittens in his lap, and Hux could have sworn one had made its way into his sleeve, and another at his shoulder was tangled in his hair.  Mako had several chasing a piece of fluff on a string.  Gaius only had one, a big fat cat in his lap that made Hux wonder if it might cut off the small knight’s circulation.  Kylo was covered in cats, who seemed to be nesting on his prone form.  Eleo was trying to take pictures of them and seeming to have little to no luck while Seigurd sat in the corner, covered in cat hair with the most idiotic grin Hux had ever seen on the knight’s face. 

They looked up at Hux as he came in and Mako called out, “Prithee brother of my heart, close the gap lest our newest companions quit us.” 

“How…how many cats are…?” Hux began, letting his orange kitten go and join the others. 

“The courts of Heian are always breeding prize cats as animal companions,” explained Seigurd, wiping his mouth in an attempt to straighten his lips, “We asked to…borrow them to aid in our recovery.” 

“How many?” repeated Hux. 

Seigurd gave a slight shrug, “All of them.  The darkness willed it be all of them.” 

Hux arched his brow and examined the organized chaos around him.  He was afraid to move forward in case he accidentally stepped on a cat.  The floor was very nearly covered in them, as well as their fur.  With all of their borrowed robes being white, Hux could easily see how each knight was slowly accumulating a layer of cat hair on their clothing. 

“There have to be…thirty or forty,” said Hux, reassessing his previous estimation. 

“I know!  T’is most pleasing!” exclaimed E’Chon, detangling one of the kittens from his hair. 

Hux arched his brow and looked for an empty space.  There were none.  He was going to have to shoo some of the cats out of the way so he could have even a scant, square foot to himself.  He looked around, feeling like an idiot as he stood in the middle of the room and staring at all of the cats.  Hathor managed to pick up a few, replacing them on his lap as he settled beside Mako.  Was that how it worked?  Just pick them up and let them sit on his legs? 

He tiptoed around several cats, watching especially for their tails, which seemed to be in the way no matter how hard he tried to avoid them.  He narrowly missed stepping on a grey cat’s swishing tail and crouched down.  He tried to pick it up, but the second he had it on his legs, it took off across the room. 

“Not all of them like being picked up.  Just let them come to you,” advised Kylo. 

Hux sat and looked at the cats, feeling sheepish.  None of them seemed to be coming to him, and he still had to say something to Kylo.  He had called the man heartless and stormed out of the room to sulk.  At the very least he was owed an explanation, and certainly deserved an apology.  Seeing as none of the cats were interested in him, he hugged his legs to his chest and tried to put the words together in his mind.  An apology was an easy enough thing to say, it was just a few syllables, but getting them past his lips was absolute agony. 

He looked back at Kylo over his shoulder, then looked back at the floor.  He couldn’t do it.  After years of equating apology with complete and utter failure, he just couldn’t do it.  He felt like he was going to cry again…no.  No more tears.  He cried enough.  He had to start controlling himself again, and this was a good place to start.  He wasn’t going to cry for the rest of the day.

Just two words, more if he wanted to explain, but that was unnecessary.  Hux wonder how the knights did this sort of thing.  Sometimes they disconnected from each other to calm down on their own, but when they rejoined…it seemed there was nothing left to say.  They could just instinctively feel that someone was sorry. 

Hux moved his hand back, groping blindly for Kylo’s.  He felt it and put his hand in the knight’s.  This seemed…as close as he could come to mimicking their connection.  He didn’t have the Force, but he had touch, and other non-verbal ways of conveying emotions.  It was strange, it was something that he had never considered useful.  What did he need emotional intelligence for when he was directing battles?  It was better to be detached and hardened, but this felt valid, important, and a useful aspect of his life that he’d never been able to explore properly.  He recalled all his attempts and hugs and kisses being roughly shoved away.  He suddenly realized all his memories of his father being stern, but fair were fabricated.  His father alternatively ignored and tortured him.  Every memory he had of an embrace being grudgingly accepted and reciprocated was a lie. 

This wasn’t a lie though.  This was very real, and he was trying his best to make sense of it and act in the right way to the best of his ability.  He squeezed Kylo’s fingers and asked, “Can I send you something?” 

He could feel it instantly when Kylo’s mind connected to his own.  It was no longer overwhelming or jarring to feel another person’s presence in his mind.  It still felt a little like being caught with no clothes on, but when he knew it was coming, when he extended the invitation, he felt more at ease with it.  He sent all his feelings at once, not really meaning to or knowing how to filter them.  He had thought of an eloquent speech, but all the thoughts and feelings, disjointed memories and emotions all just came pouring out of him. 

In return he felt something like sunshine.  He felt warm.  He felt…better.  He still felt a lot like he didn’t deserve to feel better, but he did, and he promised himself that he wasn’t going to cry over it. 

He leaned back and heard a grunt, _‘Ugh…still sore.’_

As soon as he heard the thought in his mind, Hux felt an overwhelming pressure in his own back.  He could feel that Kylo was more than sore.  If Hux had been in the same sort of pain, he would have asked for pain-medication by this point. 

He asked out loud, “Do you want any medicine?” 

“No, it’s okay, I don’t need it.  We all have pretty high pain tolerance,” explained Kylo, “We’ve trained to be able to put up with it for days if we have to.” 

“I don’t see why you should put up with it if you can have something to take the edge off of it.  If you were on a mission that’s one thing, but I can easily go to the shuttle and get you some,” said Hux. 

He felt Kylo’s mind pull away, along with his hand, replacing it on Hux’s back, “It’s fine.  I’ve got you.” 

Hux sighed, “I’ll agree with you now that love and emotion are very powerful forces, but they aren’t adequate replacements for medical science…” 

“I’ll be okay,” said Kylo quietly, “Honestly, I just feel like sleeping.  I’m exhausted…” 

Hux glanced behind him in time to see Kylo slowly rest one of his arms over his eyes to block out the light.  He looked at the knights, “Should we leave.” 

“Kylo could probably sleep through a fifty transport pile-up on Corruscant.  He’ll be fine,” said Eleo, “Question is, are you going to be fine?  Your mind got seriously messed with.” 

“I will be.  I just have to manage a while longer, then the blocks can all be put back in place.  I’ll be able to go back to normal,” said Hux. 

The knight smiled, but it was clearly forced, “Yeah…if it’s what you want, we’ll have your back.  Just…uh…make sure it’s what you really want before you do anything rash, okay?” 

“I do really want it,” said Hux quietly, watching the cats scurry around, “I’ve had a while to consider it.  I’m convinced it’s the right thing to do.” 

He saw something that was distinctly un-cat-like move in his peripheral vision.  Hux turned and saw Gaius reaching out.  Immediately Hux’s guilt hit him as if it had been a sac of bricks.  He’d been deliberately avoiding touch, meaning he had cut off Gaius’ sole means of communicating with him.  He also supposed he was being a terrible vessel or Queen or whatever he was.  He was supposed to be the one providing a means for relief, an ability to concur and commune peacefully.  Instead he had been sulking and crying and refusing touch. 

It took some effort with all of the cats in the way, but Hux managed to make his way beside Gaius, wedging himself in the miraculously cat-free space between the small knight and E’Chon.  Gaius continued stroking the fat cat on his lap with his free hand as he grabbed onto Hux’s arm, ‘ _I’m glad you’re back.  I was worried.’_

“I didn’t mean to…” replied Hux quietly. 

 _‘I know.  You need time, we all do when things like that happen.  I didn’t say it to make you feel bad, I just wanted you to know I care about you and I missed you,”_ explained the small knight.  He gave the large cat in his lap a scratch and asked, _‘So…the cats don’t bother you?’_

“They shocked me at first, but I think I’m alright now.  I think so long as I know it’s coming, I should be able to handle it.  Besides…it’s not as if I’ll be like this for much longer,” said Hux. 

 _‘I wish there was another way.  I know it’s what you want, I just wish there was a way to get the same results without doing that to your mind,”_ Gaius seemed to sigh. 

“I do too.  Too many conditionings can be damaging.  I just don’t see another way given the position I’m in,” replied Hux.  After a moment’s pause he added, “I feel like I should apologize for it.” 

 _‘N-no, it’s not that!  It’s just that we don’t want you to get hurt.  We want the best for you, if anything, we’re just trying to express that we’re sorry we can’t make things better as fast as you feel you have to be,”_ explained the knight. 

“Which makes me feel like I’ve somehow let everyone down…” mumbled Hux, “If you threw me back into the Temple now with the state I’m in, I’d be perfectly useless.” 

“That is no talk for a mighty General!” 

Hux felt a sudden thud on his back as he was pulled into a bear hug along with several cats.  He felt the familiar squeeze of E’Chon’s massive arms and felt almost like a child again.  The cats that had been caught in the grip squirmed away as E’Chon held him at an uncomfortable angle against his chest, “You are most useful!  The Living Temple itself quivers in fear of your usefulness!” 

Hux felt it was an exaggeration, as the knight was prone to making them, but there was some truth to it.  Something had caused the spirits to see it fit to bestow a victory token upon him, even though he had no ability to feel the Force.  It certainly hadn’t been an act of pity, and he was confident that it had nothing to do with his strength.  He had always been better at the mental than the physical, so his reward may well have had something to do with resourcefulness or his ability to assist the knights. 

Though, E’Chon couldn’t have known about that.  He had tucked his victory token out of sight in the bath, and when he had gotten his clothes he had shoved it in one of his sleeves, since the robes didn’t seem to have any pockets.  He wondered if he ought to show anyone.  He was sure the knights would be impressed, and the praise might feel good, but he was still ashamed of the circumstances he’d earned it under.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to look at it without recalling how his mind was violated and the memories he was forced to relive.  He noticed the knights weren’t exactly showing off their tokens either.  Hathor was the only one who had shown him theirs, and only to prove a point. 

“Now!  We must find a worthy companion!” shouted E’Chon, looking out over the room full of cats, “Only the finest shall suffice!” 

Hux wondered where the orange kitten had wondered off to.  He looked around when E’Chon loosened his grip enough for Hux to move his neck, hoping to see the orange cat.  There were a few of them and his heart sank a bit.  He would probably never be able to recognize her again.  It seemed there was at least one litter of pure, orange kittens. 

“It’s not as if I could keep it.  It’s alright,” said Hux.  He consoled himself with the reality of the situation.  Even if he found the kitten he liked again, he might be able to hold her for a while, but then she would be returned to wherever the cats were kept.  He was allowed to keep a pet if he chose, his rank permitted it, but he very much doubted that he would be gifted one of the court’s prize cats, given how chilly the warlord’s reception had been. 

“Still, we have all found suitable companions!  You must have one as well!” exclaimed E’Chon.  He looked around the room, “Which of these is best suited for battle!” 

“Uh…none of them?” said Eleo, unable to resist a grin, “They’re house pets, Big Guy.  I doubt they’d even be much good at hunting mice or bugs. 

Seigurd closed his eyes for a moment and held out a hand.  He paused for a moment before his eyes snapped open, “That one.” 

The blond knight pointed to a corner where, sure enough, there was an orange kitten pawing at the door, trying to wedge it open again with its tiny claws.  Hux looked over at Seigurd, slightly startled that the knight knew exactly which cat he had wanted.  He arched his brow, “Did you just…?” 

“It was obvious.  You aren’t as unreadable as you like to think you are, General,” explained the knight. 

“And he read _my_ mind,” muttered Hathor haughtily, “He looked at my cursory observations on the cat and figured out which one it was.  Don’t worry, General, he’s just trying to impress, though his technique needs work.” 

“My technique needs no further alterations,” replied Seigurd, “I act precisely as the ancients instruct.” 

“There may in truth be something to his claim, for there are many companions with whom he’s lain,” replied Mako with a shrug. 

 _‘Weird as it may be, he never does seem to have trouble with sex,’_ added Gaius, tapping Hux on the shoulder. 

“I am not ‘weird’ Gaius Ren,” said Seigurd sternly. 

“Yeah you are.  You’re like our weird old uncle,” insisted Eleo, hauling himself to his feet with a grunt and placing a very small datapad in his sleeve, which by this point must have had its memory loaded with pictures of cats.  He stumbled to the corner, trying not to trip over cats as he went to pick up the orange one. 

“So…we’re all back to normal?” asked Hux

“’Normal’ is an ever-changing social construct.  We are not as we were before, and never will be,” explained Seigurd, “We will change, we will adapt, time and the Force will bring the challenges they see fit.  Though if you meant to ask if we have recovered…I believe we are beginning to do so.” 

Hux nodded as Eleo cautiously made his way back and deposited the kitten on Hux’s lap, “So, this is the one you like?” 

“She’s the one that wandered into my room,” replied Hux. 

E’Chon easily hoisted Hux and the little kitten onto his own lap and locked his arms around them, “Then all is as it should be!  She will make a fine guard.” 

“E’Chon, no, it’s not an attack animal, it’s a house cat,” Eleo tried to explain. 

“But they have fangs!” protested the big knight, “They could be trained if necessary!” 

 _‘He’s not wrong…’_ Gaius thought, brushing Hux’s arm as he reached over to pet the orange kitten. 

“No way, not cats.  I’ve never met a cat that could be trained.  They just do whatever they want,” said Eleo. 

Hux could think of a few other creatures that ignored social norms and did whatever they pleased. 

Things went quiet for a moment, and Hux couldn’t bring himself to mind.  He was fairly certain that the knights were probably speaking with each other in their own way, but it didn’t bother him at all.  He was perfectly alright to spend a little time by himself being quiet.  He didn’t feel ignored, or if he was being talked about behind his back.  He had a hard time describing the feeling.  He was in a room full of people who were talking to each other, but not him, but he didn’t feel excluded, jealous or lonely in the least.  Strangely, he was comfortable to be like this.  It had never happened before.  Normally he felt he had to vie for attention or he had to keep other people engaged or entertained somehow, but this was different, and he had no idea why or how to describe it. 

The kitten seemed as if it wanted to leave at first, but soon it settled again, trying to crawl into his clothes and explore inside his sleeves.  It seemed to like trying to find new places.  The other animals seemed content enough to explore boxes, meaning they were probably a naturally curious species.  He tended to the kitten, patting her head or scratching under her chin while E’Chon treated him something like an overgrown cat, hugging him from behind and running fingers through his short hair.  It felt nice, so he kept quiet and let the knight do as he pleased. 

The door opened and the servant, the one who always seemed to be staring at them in exasperation opened the door.  He talked to Mako, calling him ‘Shinichiro’ again, saying…something.  Hux’s knowledge of the Heian language was limited to his experience of being briefly linked to Mako so he could speak a little bit.  The phrases he had used were still in his mind, but everything else was completely alien to him. 

Hathor turned over to face him as Mako kept speaking with the servant.  He mouthed the word, ‘dinner’ and drew a question mark in the air. 

Now that it was mentioned, he was hungry.  He hadn’t eaten anything but a ration bar in what had to be several hours.  In fact, hunger was probably a reason he had been crying so much.  During survival training he had noticed that several cadets seemed to instinctively cry or become overly emotional if they went too long without eating.  Perhaps if he ate something he would have an easier time controlling himself. 

He nodded back at Hathor, who seemed to relay something to Mako, who suddenly sat up and started speaking much more urgently.  The servant replied something, sputtering slightly, which only made Mako more insistent.  The servant looked about, mumbled something and then bowed deeply, his forehead touching the ground before he slid the door shut again. 

“What was that about?” Hux mumbled to Gaius. 

The small knight grasped his wrist excitedly, _‘It means we’re going to have an amazing dinner!’_


	44. Sushi:  Part 1

“And…why are the cats here exactly?” 

“Because the darkness demands it.” 

“…of course it does.” 

Hux recalled the first time he’s encountered the knight’s post-battle feasting ritual.  He supposed he understood it a little better now.  At first he had thought it was just an excuse to be loud, obnoxious, and ingest more calories than a person should in one sitting.  In many ways, he still had a sneaking suspicion that at least on some level, that was exactly what it was.  In other ways, it seemed a good way of reminding himself that he was alive, his allies were alive, and all the terrible things that just happened were behind them.  It still hurt, but Hux supposed at the very least he was alive to feel that hurt. 

He kept an eye on ‘his’ kitten.  It wasn’t really his, and he knew he really shouldn’t think of it as his.  He doubted very much after all the trouble he and the knights had been, that he would be gifted a specially bred animal from the royal court.  He couldn’t think of anything he had done for the Heian court that would merit such a gift.  The kitten wasn’t his, so as pleasant as she was, Hux tried not to get too attached to her. 

In the meantime, he had to keep at least some focus on not getting a mouth-full of cat fur.  Their meal mostly consisted of local grain, along with various fish dishes.  There was the fried, battered one that Hux had liked from before, and others.  There was a yellow-brown soup that he drank down quickly before a cat could shed in it, pickled vegetables, breaded cutlets, slices of fish, and other slices of fish that had been placed over lumps of grain.  The cats seemed especially interested in the sliced fish, but he was quickly warned by Gaius not to feed it to them. 

 _‘It’s got a hot spice between the fish and rice.  It wouldn’t be good for them,’_ explained Gaius, pulling on Hux’s arm as he picked at the fish. 

“Is there anything we can feed them?” asked Hux. 

Gaius looked around the table.  Hux knew nothing about cats.  Apparently they couldn’t eat the spicy green spread.  They seemed carnivorous though, with sharp teeth and claws for hunting, so they probably only wanted the fish and could have cared less for the grain.  Gaius pointed to the tray of fish in the center and patted his arm, _‘That one should be fine.  Just make sure it hasn’t touched the ginger, wasabi or pickles.’_

Hux wasn’t sure which side matched which word, but knew enough not to feed a cat a slice that looked like it had touched anything else.  He dangled it in front of the kitten in his lap, who sniffed it and held Hux’s fingers with a clawed paw so it could sniff and lick at the fish to her heart’s content.  When she tired of sniffing she attempted to eat it, trying to fit the whole thing into her tiny mouth. 

The other knights were as boisterous as ever.  They seemed to have brightened up when he had stopped sulking.  Had they been worried?  Hux couldn’t remember anyone ever being worried over him when he was upset.  If something happened to him and it threw plans or missions into chaos people worried, but this seemed different.  He hadn’t known that people could become so worried over someone else’s feelings that their own were drastically effected. 

Hux also wondered how everyone had recovered so quickly.  In the Temple they had been visibly distraught, and on the shuttle everyone seemed inches away from a complete breakdown.  How had they managed to get over things that had been so horrible?  Seigurd and Kylo nearly died.  Gaius was almost crust against a floor.  Hathor was forced to listen to everyone he loved die.  Mako had been confronted with his worst fears.  E’Chon had to relive and perform acts he swore never to do and yet…they all seemed fine now.  How had they done it?  How was it possible to get better so quickly?  If there was a way without conditioning then maybe…maybe he wouldn’t need it. 

“Gaius…how can you all be like this?” asked Hux, “I don’t understand.” 

 _‘Be like what?’_ asked the knight. 

Hux looked about and marveled, “Like nothing happened.” 

The small knight leaned against him and Hux was surprised at how automatically he placed his arm around the knight.  He used to flinch and feel every awkward movement when he tried to make contact with another person, but he was surprised that it simply happened.  Gaius didn’t seem to notice and explained, _‘It’s not that we aren’t affected, but we all talked through it all, and we know we have to move on.’_

“So I’m just not strong enough…” concluded Hux.  What other conclusion could he come to?  Inability to compose himself when everyone else had must be indicative of some sort of weakness.  A weakness that his father had always accused him of. 

 _‘I don’t think it’s that.  I think it’s something inside your mind.  General…I think you’re sick,’_ admitted Gaius. 

“Sick?” asked Hux. 

 _‘Not physically.  I think there’s something in your mind that stops you from feeling happy.  It’s natural not to feel happy or to feel guilt after what you went through, but…I can sense something.  It’s like a block.  It was there before, but if undoing the conditioning destroyed all the blocks, why would this one stay?’_ Gaius tried to explain, _‘It’s actually a surprisingly common problem, and you can take medicine for it to bring your mind back into balance.’_

“Medicine takes time though…” mumbled Hux.  Those seemed to be his only two options.  He could see traditional medication, which would take months of trial and error adjustments until the types and dosages were correct, or he could submit himself for reconditioning, which was much higher risk than medicine, but had the quick results he would need to return to active duty.  He looked down at Gaius, “I’m sorry, this isn’t an appropriate topic for the dinner table.” 

Gaius looked up at Hux, his mouth screwed slightly in annoyance, _‘I have six other people in my mind constantly.  We’re constantly exposed to each other’s sensations and thoughts.  You’ll have to do worse than that to make me lose my appetite.”_

“I suppose,” mumbled Hux. 

Gaius smiled and rubbed his head against Hux’s shoulder, much like one of the cats, _‘I’m glad you’re willing to address it though.  Ignoring it or denying it wouldn’t help you much.’_

So he was sick.  Hux supposed that made sense.  His teachers would have been better able to identify a mental illness in him, and not wanting to let medication get in the way of his studies, reconditioning was the quickest and easiest solution to the problem.  Rather than treat the problem, they blocked the memories and issues that exasperated it like a catalyst in a chemical reaction.  It was the first solution that he himself had jumped to when faced with the problem of needing a swift recovery and decent results. 

He tried to think back, did he ever have difficulty feeling happiness?  With his old memories no longer blocked off from him, he had found that he hadn’t been happy, but assumed it was a natural consequence of neglect.  Hux assumed that he had done his best to muddle through despite knowing his parents cared nothing for him.  Had there been something in his brain preventing him from feeling happiness?  He remembered that he felt better with Molly…but when he really thought of those memories, better had never meant cured.  Getting out of bet had been easier, but he had still struggled.  He laughed more, but he had more bad days than good days.  He had still been hounded by feelings of guilt, inadequacy and hopelessness, Molly had just made managing those feelings easier, because he wasn’t just living for himself anymore. 

So…it was possible that he’d had this illness for as long as he could remember.  It was possible that he’d been born with it and his parents either hadn’t noticed or refused to have him treated.  With the information Hux had about his father now, it wouldn’t surprise him if the man withheld medication from him for the express purpose of torment. 

He felt himself getting angry again and patted the cat in his lap.  It seemed to help a little.  He never felt comfortable bothering people with his problems, but an animal probably wouldn’t notice the difference between a pet to relieve stress and a pet given from pure affection.  All a cat or dog would understand was that they were being given physical attention integral to their socialization. 

Hux tried to eat and ignore the rowdiness around him.  Despite Kylo being laid up, he was still quite loud, cheerful even, as he tried to keep cats away from his food.  The whole atmosphere was happy, in spite of everything.  The trial was over, they had managed to help each other through it.  It was all over, Hux just wished he could appreciate it without all of the hurt he was feeling.  He tried to concentrate on the fact that he was predisposed to melancholy.  It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t anyone’s fault, it was just something that happened and he would have to find ways to cope. 

A man slid the door open and Hux didn’t recognize him.  He wasn’t wearing the same robes as the servants, and it wasn’t Ryunosuke.  He was wearing an admittedly gorgeous robe made from silk.  The colour was dull, muted, a decidedly masculine blue that offset his loose, black hair that fell to his shoulders.  Everyone stopped.  Mako looked up in a sort of shock and awe at the figure. 

Gaius quickly shook Hux’s arm, “It’s the Warlord.” 

Just as quickly as his arm was shaken, Hux looked down.  He had been ordered not to look the Warlord in the eyes and didn’t want to put relations between their people in jeopardy because he was in a bad mood.  He fixed his gaze on his cat and began listening to an exchange in a language that he couldn’t understand.  He couldn’t even catch words that would help him put the conversation in any sort of context.  He could only hope, whatever was happening, it wasn’t anything bad.  They’d had enough bad news. 

_***_

The Warlord looked down at Mako, his face not betraying any sort of hurt as he said, “The leaf returns to the branch from whence it came, yet does not inform the tree?” 

Kylo could feel Mako start slightly.  Being bedridden, Kylo hadn’t been able to go about and ask for an audience to report their success directly to the Warlord.  Instead, he had passed a message on through a servant and gave his knights permission to take a well-earned and well-deserved rest, now that their trials were done.  He had made sure to include that Mako had returned safely, but his knights needed some time to tend their physical and mental wounds.  Either the Warlord hadn’t heard that part, or he had taken offense to it somehow. 

_‘Is this guy for real?  We nearly died.  Is a night off too much to ask?’_

_‘Heian people are known for their work ethic.  Though I have my own opinions on my soon to be brother-in-law.’_

_‘If he means to insult us I will-’_

_‘I don’t think he’s trying to insult anyone…if anything he feels hurt.’_

_‘Indeed, there’s a thick darkness about him at present that was not there during out enitial meeting.’_

_‘Mako, do you want me to handle this?’_

_‘Nay, goodly master.  Thou hast sustained many injuries.  Long have I run from my demons, it is time I stood to face them.’_

Mako looked up at his brother, “I can offer no excuses for my rudeness.  At the very least I ought to have announced our return before imposing on your hospitality.” 

It was remarkably straightforward of Mako, dropping most of his poetic airs to speak with his brother, trying to find a common ground with him.  Hirotomo seemed to be fighting the urge to cross his arms.  It occurred to Kylo as the silence went on that the man had nothing to say.  He had come to see his brother, expecting a fight but needing to affirm with his own eyes that he was well, and now that there was no fight to be had, there was nothing left to say.  The Warlord pointed out a fault and Mako apologized. 

Hirotomo continued to look down, probably trying to think of a way to announce his exit when Mako asked, “Would you sit with us a while?” 

The Warlord arched his brow and Kylo could sense his apprehension.  Sit with a group of knights who clearly disliked him, one who had even attacked him, and a First Order lackey who was bound to turn on them one day?  He was clearly skeptical, but Kylo also felt a pull, a small amount of light.  All Hirotomo had wanted in all these years was for his brother to return.  If he couldn’t have Mako back in their family home forever, was he truly going to object to one of the few precious nights they might have on the grounds of pride? 

“I promise my beloved won’t raise his sword to you,” said Mako, hoping it would help. 

“That ought not be a point of bargaining…” mumbled the Warlord, looking at Hathor, who turned away with a slight huff.  He looked down at Hux, “And your Queen’s neck will break if he lowers his head any further.” 

Mako started again with surprise and Kylo couldn’t help letting his jaw slacken.  Was the Warlord…

“For this night, and only because he aided in returning my brother safely, he may raise his head,” said the Warlord.  He made to cross the room, but he paused.  The cats were still everywhere, making it difficult to cross. 

Seigurd raised his hand and suddenly the cats darted away, as if they had all been convinced they saw a piece of string moving on the other side of the room.  Lowering his hand, the knight pointed to a space beside Mako. 

The Warlord sat gracefully and stared across at Hux, who still had no idea he had permission to look up remained sullen and downcast.  In a gesture none of them had been expecting, Hirotomo reached across and placed a hand under Hux’s chin, coaxing him into looking up.  Hux didn’t seem to have been expecting to see the Warlord from the look of him or the feel of his energy.  There was a sudden spike of shock and fear in the room and Hux’s eyes went completely wide as he realized who he was staring at. 

Hirotomo retracted his hand and gave a hum, “As far as foreigners go, he’s not ugly.” 

Kylo felt the sudden urge to blurt out, “I think he looks fine.  He’s my wife after all.” 

_‘You just keep on digging that hole…’_

_‘I know what I said Gaius and dammit dammit dammit I don’t need you pointing it out!’_

“So…you approve?” asked Mako hesitantly. 

“I said he wasn’t ugly,” replied the Warlord, placing his hands in his lap, “I still have my reservations about his Order.” 

“Mako, tell your brother he’s being asinine,” grumbled Hathor. 

Mako’s jaw nearly dropped from his face as Hathor took a delicate sip of rice wine from a small, disc shaped vessel.  The Warlord leaned forward to look over Hathor from the corner of his eye.  Kylo sensed Mako’s thoughts, and not knowing what else to do, the Heian knight poured his brother some of the wine, all while Hux watched, still not knowing what was happening. 

“You’re the Atem knight who drew his blade in my presence,” noted Hirotomo. 

“You insinuated our bond was less than that of a true family.  I do not regret my actions, and I would do it again,” warned Hathor. 

“As you know nothing of our ways, I suppose I’ll have to forgive your ignorance,” said the Warlord evenly. 

Eleo raised a hand and quickly swallowed some sashimi so he could speak, “Yo, uh, not meaning to be rude, but you don’t seem to get how our bond works.  Knights of Ren use the Force to constantly share emotions and information to make ourselves better and stronger.  We’ve all spent year’s worth of time in Mako’s head so…yeah, we know your culture.  Not saying we know it as well as you do, but, trust me, we know it.” 

The Warlord’s brow arched at the sound of his language coming out of Eleo’s mouth.  He seemed to expect it from Hathor and Kylo, but he hadn’t been anticipating it from the others. 

Gaius reached his hand across the table, _‘I have something to say…will he let me?’_

Mako nudged his blood-brother’s arm, “Our smallest companion needs touch to commune without assistance.  He much desires to speak with you.” 

The Warlord looked over Gaius, and to Kylo’s surprise, extended his hand.  He heard Gaius in his mind as he concentrated on his speech, _‘We’re different.  We have different values and experiences.  I don’t think we’re ever going to see eye to eye.  We fought hard today, all of us, so…just tonight, could we stop fighting?  Hathor said sorry…”_

The Warlord glanced at Hathor before retracting his hand, “He did apologized, forced though it was…” 

Hathor gave another huff and downed more rice wine. 

_‘Hey, I can feel that stuff getting to your head.  Don’t go and get us all drunk.’_

_‘Don’t worry Master of Ren, I have excellent tolerance.’_

_‘Excellent my ass.’_

_‘Bwahaha!  It is true!  He is bested by liquor every time!’_

_‘Indeed.  Much more training is necessary.  I recommend a course of whiskey before upgrading to-’_

_‘Seigurd, no.  Absolutely no.  You’re a crazy old man and you need to be stopped.’_

“Hathor defended me during the trial from many foes,” said Mako.  He nodded in Hux’s direction, “As did the General.  He fought valiantly so I could reach my goal.” 

The Warlord’s brow shot straight up, “He _entered_ the Living Temple?” 

Kylo felt all his knights pause and searched Mako’s thoughts.  The notion that he would one day enter the Temple, as a likely candidate for the Knights of Ren, was impressed on him from an early age.  It was mentioned so often that he thought of it as a mundane thing at times, though that had changed considerably since his trial.  Hirotomo seemed to think otherwise.  For himself and other Force-Nulls, the Temple was a place to be avoided.  Childhood volleys of ghost stories often included ones about people who wandered into the Temple and were met with horror beyond imagining. 

Mako spoke up, “He followed, knowing full well the danger beyond the gate.” 

“Foolish…” the Warlord mumbled, though his tone suggested otherwise.  Kylo even detected a hint of admiration despite his misgivings.  He looked at Hux, “And how did he brave the trial with no abilities of his own?” 

“He doesn’t speak our tongue,” said Mako, “Perhaps we might be obliged by our smallest brother, kind.” 

Gaius touched Hux’s arm and Kylo detected him, just barely, in their connection and Mako sending all the information on Heian language that he needed to understand the conversation.  Seigurd chimed in, “He will understand you now, your highness.  You may pose your question to him.” 

The Warlord kept his focus on Hux and asked bluntly, “How did you survive?” 

Hux paused for a moment, shocked by the sensations and thoughts flooding his mind.  In a few moments he acclimatized and replied in heavily accented Heian, “I had weapons it hadn’t seen before.  I managed to take it by surprise.” 

“And you protected my brother?” he asked. 

Hux, still in a depressive and self-deprecating state quietly replied, “I did what I could.” 

The Warlord returned his attention to Mako.  His expression had softened slightly, and the darkness around him was beginning to fade, “Do not misunderstand.  My wish is that you would stay with us except when necessary.  That has not changed.  But if you must leave, it seems at the very least you have companions who will defend you.” 

 _‘He’s safe.  He will be safe.’_ Kylo heard the thought resonating from Hirotomo like a sigh of relief that was being repeated on a loop.  There was still longing, still hurt, still a sense of betrayal that his brother preferred the company of this adopted family to his own blood, but it seemed the Warlord wasn’t so self-centered that he couldn’t recognize that the other Knights, and even the General would care for Mako when he left. 

Mako extended his hand, “If it would help, I wouldst show you.” 

_‘Should he agree, may I allow him in?’_

_‘He better be in for an earful, darling.’_

_‘We have never had a Warlord in our company!  Might I-’_

_‘Don’t fight him!’_

Hirotomo raised a hand, considering whether to take Mako’s or not.  He looked at Mako, regretfully as he replaced his hand in his lap, “It is not my place.  I haven’t your gift.” 

“Brother…” said Mako pleadingly. 

“I am neither a Force-User nor one who will bring you balance.  It is not a gift I feel I can accept,” said the Warlord. 

He then used a gesture Kylo recognized immediately.  Mako would often touch someone gently on the lips with his fingertips to convey affection.  He hadn’t understood where that habit had come from until the Warlord reached out and brushed a stray piece of rice from his brother’s lower lip, pulling it away and wiping in on a tray in a way that was hardly regal.  Mako felt stunned by the gesture as the Warlord returned to his stoic demeanour, “However, I would accept your company in the realm of the physical.” 

“And verily thou willst have it,” said Mako elatedly. 

“Now…why are all the cats…” asked the Warlord, glancing about the room. 

“The darkness demanded it,” replied Seigurd, pulling a black cat into his lap and stroking it gently, “It is not the place of this servant to question its will.” 

“And you like cats,” said Eleo, nudging against him. 

“I have no objections to them…” mumbled Seigurd, much less austerely. 

Kylo sighed and raised his hand.  The tension that had been in the room lessened considerably.  He used his power to lift a bottle and pour himself a small glass of rice wine.  Hux picked up on this instantly and demanded, “Should you even be drinking like that?” 

“It didn’t get my liver.  I just need to wait for my back to heal,” said Kylo. 

Hux jumped up, uncaring of the Warlord’s presence and began tiptoeing around cats, holding an orange one under his arm as he reached for the liquor bottle, “No, absolutely not.  I forbid it until you recover.” 

“My liver is fine!” repeated Kylo frustratedly. 

“That’s not going to help you!  You need proper nutrition and to stay hydrated!” snapped Hux, pushing the bottle and cup away and finding a clear seat for himself by Kylo, “No liquor.” 

“But-”

“No!” 

_‘You’re whipped.’_

_‘You are soooo whipped.’_

_‘I’m not!  I just…don’t wanna argue, okay!’_

_‘Dude, come on, at least use this to your advantage.’_

_‘My advantage?’_

_‘Yeah…you know…’_

Kylo blinked as an idea appeared in his mind.  He fought back a grin at the image and quickly wondered if he had the courage to ask…who was he kidding?  He just faced down death and darkness, of course he could ask his boyfriend to dote on him. 

“Well, since I’m so feeble and sickly, maybe I should just leave my care to you…” said Kylo, laying back against the pillows and stroking a cat that had made a home for itself on his stomach. 

“Meaning?” asked Hux, crossing his arms. 

Kylo flushed slightly as he looked up at Hux and said, “Feed me?” 

Hux arched his brow and gave him a quizzical look, “Seriously?” 

“S-seriously,” confirmed Kylo, trying to look imposing as he lay on his sick bed. 

To his surprise, Hux actually heaved a sigh and picked up a piece of nigiri, holding it out with one hand poised underneath the other to catch stray, falling rice.  He held it next to Kylo’s mouth and said, “Well, open.” 

He was even more surprised to find that Hux was blushing the way Kylo normally did when they became affectionate.  Hux very, very rarely blushed, usually only doing so in response to Mako’s over-the-top praise.  Kylo wondered if it had something to do with his emotions intensifying. 

Hirotomo turned to his brother and mumbled, “Do all foreigners…?” 

“Nay…t’is only they,” replied Mako quietly. 


	45. Sushi:  Part 2

Hux wasn’t exactly certain of what he ought to do when he stopped serving Kylo.  Everything he’d read about and had been told about Heian had lead him to expect that he would never be allowed to look at the Warlord.  If he was ever allowed on the planet, he could expect to remain quarantined in a small room, spoken with on the opposite side of a screen, and never be allowed to leave the palace grounds.  So far, he had broken nearly all the conventions that he had been expecting, and now, he was doing something that ambassadors to Heian could have only dreamed of; sitting down to a meal with the Warlord himself. 

He supposed it was good though.  Mako and his brother had fought before they went to the Temple.  Hux hadn’t been certain as to what the fight was about exactly.  He couldn’t understand the language that was being spoken, and he hadn’t even been allowed to look up to read the situation.  He could guess though.  Mako was royalty, so perhaps something about his social status and being a knight was incompatible.  Or perhaps the Warlord was upset that his brother only seemed to come back to his former home when he needed a place to stay- 

_‘T’is none of those, though these theories give much due pause…’_

Hux started.  Right.  He was still connected.  Even if it was just enough to help him understand language, he supposed the others would be able to hear his thoughts.  He would have to be a little more careful about how he let his mind wander. 

_‘No need for that.  You’re free to think whatever you want.  It’s okay.’_

He supposed Gaius was right…with all the knights coming from such diverse backgrounds and planets, they were bound to disagree or have conflicting opinions.  He shouldn’t worry but…he did.  If he thought the wrong thing, if he thought something that went too far, would the knights still want anything to do with him?  He often thought, often needed to think, in very brutal and pragmatic terms.  Were the knights like that?  They’d known each other long enough to confirm that the knight’s weren’t novices to combat.  Was it such a stretch to imagine they too sometimes thought in painfully practical ways? 

_‘You could stay with us for a while, if you were up to it.  I know when you aren’t used to it you can be pretty uncomfortable, but if you’re curious, nobody minds if you listen in.’_

Hux sighed and thought to himself, and others he supposed, _‘I think I’ve had enough discomfort thank you…’_

_‘Fair enough.  We’ll try not to listen in on you.’_

Hux could still tell he was connected.  He could understand the Heian language that was being spoken, but he was grateful for the knowledge that the knights were giving him as much space as he wanted. 

And speaking of space, it was harder and harder to distance himself from ‘his’ kitten.  No matter how hard he tried to remind himself that the cat wasn’t his and would have to stay, he was hopelessly attached to it.  Normally…after he’d been reconditioned he considered it normal not to form bonds quickly, whether it was with people or objects.  It had taken months before he really thought of things like his toiletries and uniforms as ‘his’ and not ‘The First Order’s.’  He wasn’t even really his own person for the longest time.  It had taken ages before his senses of propriety and autonomy returned. 

With that barrier now completely gone, he felt attachment so fiercely that he was pre-emptively becoming upset over leaving the kitten behind.  He was dreading the knights leaving.  He was petrified that Kylo would have to go away on missions and leave him alone.  What would he do with himself if this continued?  He couldn’t manage a military, commanding missions where people were going to die, if he was emotionally invested in each and every one of his soldiers.  On some level he had to detach himself or he wouldn’t be able to make strategies.  As much as he wanted to keep casualties at a minimum, having no deaths or injuries on missions was incredibly uncommon. 

Even knowing this he couldn’t help playing with the kitten in his lap, letting her catch his finger and bite as it.  Hux assumed it was as much about play as it was honing some instinct that would help her later in life, but he didn’t mind.  She could bite if she wanted.  It didn’t hurt that much. 

What would hurt though was if he couldn’t get all of these feelings under control.  As much as he still felt the conditioning would be necessary…it would hurt.  It was going to be an unpleasant process.  But perhaps…perhaps if he could even make some small progress before they returned, it might not make him a liability. 

“Your foreigner doesn’t drink?”

Hux glanced up from the kitten and saw the Shogun regarding him with a mix of curiosity and disdain.  Mako gave an awkward smile before trying to explain, “Nay…he only disapproves because of our dear master’s injuries most grievous.” 

“The others are usually more…” Hirotomo trailed off, but Hux caught the implication.  He supposed whoever was in charge of relations with Heian was something of a drinker.  He also supposed that being shut up in a room alone, prohibited from interacting with others, drinking was a perfectly understandable way for ambassadors to spend their time. 

“I drink,” replied Hux, “My planet produced various grains before the Republic’s meddling.  We had a variety of spirits made from barley and wheat.” 

“Then ours isn’t to your liking?” asked Hirotomo. 

Hux vaguely heard Eleo’s voice echoing in the back of his mind, _‘Mako your brother’s an asshole.’_

“I haven’t tried it yet,” said Hux, trying to remain polite, “It doesn’t really feel right when I’ve told Kylo he can’t.” 

“If you want to, you can go ahead…” said Kylo, pushing a cat who had laid down on his chest away from his mouth.  He spat out some cat hair as he added, “I mean, you’re right, I shouldn’t while I’m recovering, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t if you really want to.” 

“Brother, why art thou so keen to make our Rose of War…a touch legless,” asked Mako. 

Hirotomo shrugged, “I’ve been told foreigners have smaller livers.” 

   ***  

_‘Wow…he just came right out there and said it.’_

_‘My people…haven’t been exposed to those beyond their borders.  Many are the rumours and long spun legends in our minds regarding outsiders.’_

_‘In fairness…I know I wasn’t much better when I left Atem.  It doesn’t excuse anything, but I understand why he might think that.’_

_‘Still…just…wow.’_

_‘Is he issuing a challenge!?’_

_‘Don’t fight-’_

_‘A drinking challenge!’_

_‘Oh…that’s okay then.’_

_‘Beware the amount you ingest E’Chon Ren, for we will all feel residual effects of the result.’_

Kylo watched Hux pour himself a glass, something that seemed to strike Hirotomo as odd.  Mako quickly supplied that it was because at foreign gatherings on Heian, one never poured one’s own drink.  They waited politely for someone seated beside them to pour them a glass.  He didn’t mention anything as Hux set the bottle down and took up his glass.  He smelled the liquor for a moment, taking in the scent cautiously before taking a sip.  He cocked his brow, “It’s…it doesn’t burn.” 

“Your liquors are meant to cause you pain?” asked Hirotomo. 

“They have a higher alcohol content, I think, so they tend to have a bit of…I’m not sure how to explain it.  It’s something like a burn or a sting, but it isn’t painful,” Hux attempted to defend. 

Gaius reached for the bottle and poured E’Chon a drink, _‘So…who else wants in on this before we propose it.’_

 _‘I’m game,’_ Eleo chimed in. 

 _‘I’d rather not.  I’m determined not to do anything unbecoming…’_ replied Hathor. 

 _‘I admit, I’m still not in such a mind for libations,’_ confessed Mako. 

 _‘I can sense Seigurd’s out, so it sounds like it’s the three of us, and maybe the General and the Warlord,’_ concluded Gaius. 

Kylo tapped Hux’s arm, “Would you be up for a drinking game?” 

Hux arched his brow, “What are you talking about?” 

“Well, I can’t, so would you like to be my second?” asked Kylo. 

Hux’s brow arched higher, “Who said anything about a drinking game?” 

“Guess you didn’t catch any of that,” said Eleo, “The Big Guy, Little Guy and me were thinking of having a bit of a game.” 

“And I,” corrected Hux. 

“I usually do, but since you won’t let me someone has to take my place,” said Kylo, a little bit more playfully.  Hux seemed better.  Still not one hundred percent, but better.  He was anxious, but he wasn’t despairing, and Kylo was determined to keep working until Hux could get calm again by himself.  So far he was doing alright, he had gotten himself out of his room and was interacting with others…sort of.  He mostly interacted with the kitten and answered questions if he was asked, but it was a step in the right direction and better than nothing. 

Hux looked down at his glass and gave a sigh, “I suppose I’d be a poor Arkanisian if I backed down from the challenge.” 

 _‘So your people are known for drinking?’_ asked Gaius, touching Hux lightly on the arm. 

“We’re rather infamous for it.  I’m surprised you haven’t heard,” said Hux glumly.  Kylo caught a few stray images of Hux’s academy days.  Arkanis was in the Outer Rim, making Hux low class in the eyes of anyone from the Mid or Inner Rim of the galaxy.  It seemed a reputation for being heavy drinkers came part and parcel with that. 

And yet, strangely, Hux seemed to feel compelled to uphold the drinking part of his reputation.  Probably something he had picked up as a young man trying to prove he was just as tough, if not tougher than the other cadets. 

“Intriguing.  I mean to join this game,” said Hirotomo, arching his brow slightly, “By which rules do you play?” 

“Alright, sounds like a plan,” said Eleo, thinking to himself, _‘I’m going to get this bastard completely shit-faced.’_

_‘Show him no mercy.’_

_‘Wow Priss, you’re still really pissed off.’_

_‘Well, I suppose it was bound to happen.  I’ve heard it’s common to hate one’s in-laws.’_

_‘Y-you still wish to-?’_

_‘I don’t think I can ask for your hand.  How do you feel about eloping?’_

_‘To gallivant across the galaxy towards forbidden romance!’_

_‘I’m going to hurl and I haven’t even drank anything yet…’_

_‘I wish you the best, however, I hope this journey will not part us for long.’_

_‘Getting married doesn’t take that long, does it?’_

_‘No, but the honeymoon might take a while…’_

“Do they often become silent?” asked Hirotomo. 

“Yes…and it’s incredibly annoying isn’t it?” muttered Hux. 

“Then shall we do battle!?” demanded E’Chon. 

“Hang on Big Guy, we have to think of a game.  Probably not anything where we need to know each other really well, since we haven’t known Red very long.  If we play most games they’ll be at a disadvantage,” said Eleo, “Not to mention Gaius will have a hard time playing anything where we have to talk.” 

“We could play a prediction game,” suggested Hux, “Like calling a flipping coin or something of the like.” 

“Or we could drink and the one who does not expel his dinner through his mouth is the victor!” exclaimed E’Chon. 

“Predictions seems a fairer game, t’is a vexing thing to keep tatami unpolluted,” suggested Mako. 

“What did he say?” asked Hux. 

“Don’t ralph on the mats,” translated Eleo. 

 _‘What if we played Eyes Up?’_ suggested Gaius. 

“Okay, Eyes Up,” said Eleo, “The rules are easy, everyone looks down, then when someone calls ‘Eyes Up’ you look up at someone.  If nobody looks back at you, you’re safe, if you’re locking eyes with someone, you both have to drink.” 

“And nobody will use their powers?” asked Hux, settling the orange kitten in his lap again. 

“It’s for the best if the three of you refrain.  Anything short of sobriety while using the Force often results in…less than commendable actions…” muttered Seigurd. 

_‘Like the time Kylo tried to re-enact his Grandfather’s death defying jump into Corruscanti traffic wearing nothing but-’_

_‘Gaius!  The first rule of Corruscant is that what happens there stays there!’_

_‘It was most regrettable.’_

_‘Like you can talk.  The last time you got drunk you declared yourself the Prettiest Princess of Transport Hopping Hobos.’_

_‘…Hathor Ren I might also be able to recall a time when you as well attempted to-’_

“So are we playing this game or are you all just going to chatter in your heads?” asked Hux. 

“Oh, we’re playing.  I’ve been curious about what sort of a drunk you and the Warlord here are,” said Eleo, “Alright, no powers.  Hey Boss could you call us in?” 

“Alright,” said Kylo as the players looked down into their laps.  He waited a few moments before calling, “Eyes up.” 

Eleo found himself locking eyes with Gaius.  Hux looked over at E’Chon, who was looking at Hirotomo while the Warlord seemed fixated on Hux.  Eleo raised his glass, “Looks like an early start for us Little Guy.” 

Gaius nodded and downed the small cup of rice wine without any hesitation.  Eleo followed shortly as E’Chon looked down immediately in frustration, “Next round!  I shall display my might next round!” 

“Sure thing Big Guy,” said Eleo, looking back down into his own lap. 

“Everyone ready,” asked Kylo, unable to keep himself from being concerned for Hux.  He was tall, and obviously he had some tolerance given his background, but he seemed so thin.  He was worried that Hux might be an easier drunk than he let on.  As he was getting second thoughts he called out, “Eyes up.” 

This time Hux and Hirotomo’s eyes met, while Gaius, Eleo and E’Chon found themselves in a sort of triangle.  The way Hux took his shot put Kylo at some ease.  Normally the Force around people warped a little bit when they were drunk.  It had less to do with the alcohol itself and more to do with the effect alcohol had on the emotions of whoever consumed it.  When people were drunk their emotions were a little looser, a little darker due to the depressant effects, and far less collected and controlled.  The Force around Hux went through a negligible shift.  Small enough that Kylo might not have noticed it if he hadn’t been looking for it. 

Hirotomo on the other hand let out a slight surge. 

_‘It’s to be expected.  I hate to say it dear, but you’re a bit of a light-weight.’_

_‘I…my rank s respectable among men.’_

_‘Sweetie, you can’t lie to us.’_

_‘Yeah Mako…I hate to say it, but you really can’t hold your liquor.’_

_‘M-my sweet master!  You wound me!’_

_‘Truth can cut as well as a blade…will you continue your game?  I will place several credits on E’Chon Ren’s victory.’_

_‘Oh?  In that case, my money is on the General.’_

_‘I…will refrain.  I would rather not choose between brothers lest our folly comes to light…’_

_‘Fair enough.  I’ve got to bet on Hux.  If he finds out I didn’t I think he’d be pissed.  So, if bets are laid…’_

“Eyes up!” called Kylo. 

E’Chon looked like he might flip the table when Gaius didn’t return his gaze.  Instead, only the Warlord and Eleo locked eyes.  Eleo gave a wink and kissed the air, a gesture that made Hirotomo’s brow arch and his lip curl.  Eleo laughed, “What’s the matter?  Nobody ever flirts with the Warlord?” 

_‘Um…Eleo?  How much did you drink before we started?’_

_‘Not much.  Why?’_

_‘Um, because you’re flirting with the guy who controls all the armies on this planet and really doesn’t like us much, and second of all, I’m starting to get a bit clouded.’_

_‘Just buzzed is all.  I’m barely getting started.’_

Kylo supposed Hux was the last person he needed to be worried about after all.  He looked around from his place on the floor and called again, “Eyes up.” 

E’Chon gave his most intense glare at the Warlord…who was looking at Gaius.  Gaius and Hux looked at each other while Eleo also seemed to be looking at Hirotomo again. 

_‘You see, my wager on E’Chon had nothing to do with ability.  Rather, he’s awful at this game.  He’ll be lucky if he drinks even once.’_

_‘H-hey Mako, your brother’s cute.’_

_‘Eleo, you should really stop using your powers.’_

_‘Come on Priss, I’m not even drunk yet.’_

_‘Eleo, I think you had too much before you started.’_

_‘I got this BOsS.  ImMa  MakE yOu prAoUd…’_

_‘He’s losing it.’_

_‘Indeed.’_

_‘I’lL TelL yoU when I’vE lOshT iiiiet.’_

On the outside, Eleo was showing little to no sign of inebriation.  He had a bit of a goofy look on his face, and he was a little flushed, but aside from that he looked pretty sober.  Gaius seemed to be trying not to laugh as E’Chon let out a growl and glared daggers at the floor. 

In the ensuing four rounds, Eleo drank twice, Hux drank three times, Hirotomo drank twice, and Gaius drank once.  E’Chon, by some stroke of awful luck, managed to avoid eye contact every single time.  Hux was starting to show a few signs of being drunk.  His posture slouched and he became more playful with the kitten.  Gaius made a few noises from time to time that were almost like giggles and though he kept a straight, flushed face, the Force around Hirotomo was going haywire. 

_‘Eleo, seriously, stop using the Force.’_

_‘eLeO StOp uSiNg tHe FoRcE.’_

_‘…seriously?’_

_‘Alright sweety, I’m cutting you off.’_

_‘YoU cAN’t meaIK me!  YooooUr not mY moa-’_

Hathor extended his hand and Eleo fell over backwards unconscious.  The Atem knight let out a light huff and simply said, “He’ll thank me later if he isn’t too hung over and he’s had his caf.” 

Hirotomo looked over at Hathor, “Was that your power?” 

“Yes,” said Hathor curtly. 

Hirotomo looked at his own hands, “I wonder…there are three of us.  If it were I who the Force had chosen…” 

_‘He better not be hitting on me.’_

_‘B-Brother of my Heart, my brother is not a man of such audacity.’_

_‘Your other brother had a threesome with Seigurd.’_

_‘He did indeed.’_

_‘Aye, verily, and yet…we three are most different despite being offshoots of the same branch.’_

“I wonder if I could have ever left,” reflected Hirotomo quietly, looking about at the others.  Kylo caught his thoughts.  He seemed to be wondering if he could have got along with all of these outsiders, if he would have adopted their ways or clung to his own, if he would have done as several knights from Heian did in the past, remaining on his home planet as long as possible unless a mission called him away.  He wondered why Mako chose not to do as other knights did. 

Kylo could sense that he didn’t seem to understand Mako’s attraction to Hathor.  Despite being from a  high ranking caste, Hirotomo seemed to think that Mako could have done better.  At least managing to attract a prince, emperor, or a warlord for himself, not a former priest from some backwater desert planet.  He also seemed to recognize that any attempt to dissuade Mako would only result in a stronger attraction.  So despite his misgivings, the Warlord remained silent on the subject. 

The thought of warlords drew his eyes to Hux.  Kylo knew that the consensus on Heian seemed to be that a trade alliance was keeping them from war, but the First Order was not to be trusted.  Hux was not to be trusted.  Kylo saw an image of ogre paintings flash in Hirotomo’s mind, linking Hux’s hair colour to monsters and demons.  Yet…he was very fair.  Fairer than most of the court ladies, who needed layers of make-up and avoidance of all sunlight to achieve the desired complexion. 

Kylo felt a pang of jealousy as Hirotomo seemed to be thinking, that with a less ridiculous hair colour, Hux just might be _pretty_.  With their rank being equal, and if Hux had been a woman, Hirotomo might have made a fine, if shrewish, empress of the First Order General. 

“Don’t think like that about my wife!” exclaimed Kylo. 

The room fell silent as shock, and then a low, thrumming anger emanated from Hux.  The General turned slowly, tilting his head and patting the kitten in his lap.  Frighteningly slowly, he asked, “Ren…what do you mean by ‘wife’?” 

_‘Uh-oh…he only calls you Ren when he’s angry or you’re alone.’_

_‘I’d say run, but you can’t…’_

_‘WHY WILL THE GALAXY NOT ALLOW ME TO BATTLE!?!’_


	46. Sushi:  Part 3

Hux stared across the room and tried not to show how drowsy he felt.  He’d had enough liquor to make him think that shouting at the Master of the Knights of Ren in front of the Warlord of Heian was a good idea, and then he’d had the bright idea to keep drinking even more after that.  His whole body felt hot.  Even the thin, white robe he wore felt like too much covering and if he had been alone he probably would have shed it and curled up to sleep in the nude. 

He supposed his current problem was only accentuated by the fact that the more he drank, the more competitive he seemed to become.  His pride couldn’t let him back out, and since the Warlord, Gaius and E’Chon weren’t letting up, the only plausible course of action was to keep right on drinking.  His head felt heavy and he was finding it impossible to cool down.  Strangely enough, despite not touching a drop, Hathor had begun to giggle uncontrollably and stopped all efforts to control himself around Hirotomo.  He was more or less draped over Mako’s shoulder and kissing his cheek between little flirtations.  Mako mumbled something quietly in turn, which Hux assumed was poetic and indecipherable. 

Hirotomo looked over at them, his movement seeming sluggish and laboured, “You’re both acting…odd.”

“Gaius is…doth…are…” Mako tried to begin. 

“They’re getting us drunk,” giggled Hathor, “We share a consciousness, so un…unless we disconnect we get drunk as well.” 

Kylo stared at the ceiling, grinning idiotically in spite of the tongue lashing Hux had given him, “We should probably disconnect…what do you think Seigurd?” 

Seigurd placed a cat on his head and announced, “I am king of these felines!” 

Hathor burst out laughing, flopping back as he clapped his hands in delight.  Mako turned, “My love has fallen!  I fly anon to his aid!” 

Gaius flopped across the table and pushed his glass away, a clear sign of surrender.  Hux glanced up at the Warlord and tried not to slur as he reasoned, “I suppose there’s just three of us now…” 

Hirotomo gestured at E’Chon elegantly with his entire hand, refraining from pointing, “He is still participating?” 

“I AM ATTEMPTING!” roared E’Chon. 

Gaius tried to crawl away, but gave up part way and rested his head on Hux’s thigh, reaching over to pat the sleeping kitten on Hux’s other leg.  Hux briefly heard a garbled echo in his mind, _‘I tRieD…’_

“BEHOLD MY COMPANION WHO FOUGHT BRAVELY AND FELL IN BATTLE!” announced E’Chon, jumping to his feet.  He was unsteady, and louder than usual, probably affected the same way the others were, since the knight hadn’t managed to get a drink during the entire game.  He stumbled over to Gais and picked him up, holding the small knight aloft, “GAZE UPON HIS VALIANT EFFORTS AND QUIVER BEFORE HIM!” 

Gaius looked half dead as he let E’Chon hoist him up by his underarms and hung like a limp ragdoll as E’Chon made sure everyone got a good look at him.  Hux looked at Hirotomo, “Can we continue with three?” 

“It stands to reason…” replied the Warlord, reaching for the bottle. 

Hux groaned as he heard a clatter.  Another man looked around and stared at them but…he couldn’t remember his bloody name.  Mako’s other brother.  It was…his name was… 

“So he did come!” exclaimed…whatever his name was.  Hux had no idea why he couldn’t remember, his memory was usually much more reliable.  He joined his brothers, happy to plop himself between them, patting Mako on the back as he reluctantly pried himself off of Hathor, “And you survived the trial!” 

“Aye,” replied Mako sheepishly, “With aid from my boon companions.” 

His brother hugged Mako tightly as Hux tried desperately to remember his name.  It was…started with an R…maybe an L…why couldn’t he bloody remember? 

“How didst thou find us?” asked Mako. 

“I heard a man shouting about not wanting to be feminized and assumed it was a foreign practice,” replied Mako’s brother…Liu…Ree-you…Hux felt he was getting closer as the man continued, “Whoever was shouting had quite the accent.  I haven’t heard anything quite like it.” 

“Accent?” asked Mako. 

“Yes, I heard all of you speak before and became familiar with your accents, but this time it was different,” his brother replied. 

Hirotomo squinted and gave Hux yet another once over, “Come to think of it…he sounded different before our game began…” 

His accent?  He must have slipped into Arkanisian without realizing, given he was still being supplied with language by Mako.  Everything coming out of his mouth sounded foreign to him, so he hadn’t noticed his pronunciation begin to shift at all.  Hirotomo grinned slightly as he declared bluntly, “That means he’s drunk.” 

Hux gestured at the dropps of spilled wine in front of the Warlord, “Well, either I’m drunk and you’re clumsy, or we’re both drunk.” 

Hirotomo glared slightly, “You address the Shogun.” 

“You address a bloody _airstrike_ …” grumbled Hux. 

Hirotomo leaned towards Mako and mumbled out the side of his mouth, “What’s an ‘airstrike’…?”

“Right, my little airstrike…” giggled Kylo, pawing at the bamboo mat in Hux’s general direction, “That’s something I can call you that isn’t girly…” 

“It’s a term of endearment then,” reasoned Ryu…Hux almost had it. 

“T’is, but only betwixt my master and his love,” explained Mako. 

“So, you believe yourself to be my equal?” asked Hirotomo. 

Hux slammed his cup down, “Look here…I’ve spent the last…Emperor’s sake I don’t even know how much time has passed, but I spent it being talked down to, smuggled about, and trapped in a Temple where everything was trying to kill me.   I’ve been shot at, crushed, infected, choked, mentally violated, and forced to do unspeakable things.  If that doesn’t make me at least equal with any man in this room, I don’t know what will.” 

“It wasn’t your trial.  It was forcing out an unwanted element.  Of course it was hostile,” said the drunk Warlord dismissively. 

Hux reached into his sleeve, pulled out his victory token and slammed it down on the table.  He hadn’t expected the whole room to fall silent. 

Kylo’s eyes widened, “Am I seeing what I think Mako is seeing?” 

Hathor snapped up and looked with his own eyes to try to confirm it.  Seigurd gently lifted the cat from his head and crawled closer to the table, “He…The Temple bestowed one on him.” 

Hirotomo’s lips parted in astonishment at the sight.  He looked at Hux, “So you _do_ share their power.  I thought you a Null like myself.” 

“I am,” said Hux, moving back uncomfortably, “A Force-Null, that is.” 

“Then why would it gift one to a Force-Null…” wondered Hirotomo out loud. 

“He passed the trial with the rest of us,” said Hathor sharply, “He _earned_ it.” 

Hirotomo could only stare at Hux in complete shock, “The miasma didn’t turn you back.  Most wouldn’t be so foolish…it’s meant to be impossible for ones like ourselves.  Any other who’ve attempted for curiosity have been turned away.” 

“I won’t pretend I got through by myself…it isn’t as if the others never helped me,” Hux tried to explain, “I just couldn’t let them go without me.  I don’t think I could have lived with myself.” 

“You misunderstand, it doesn’t allow Force-Nulls to enter.  It forces them out.  I’ve heard stories of men walking straight forwards only to find themselves at the exit again.  Others simply haven’t returned.  The spirits usually have no interest in beings like ourselves,” the Warlord tried to explain, “And yet it not only admitted you as a layman of the Ren Order, but allowed your participation in the trials.  It’s…highly unusual.” 

“Layman?” asked Hux, glancing at Kylo. 

“I guess technically…you believe that the Force exists, obviously, and you help us in battle, so I suppose you qualify,” Kylo tried to explain. 

He was…too drunk for this. 

Ryu…nose?  The other brother prodded the small medallion and examined it more closely, “So the Living Temple will test acolytes of Ren should they enter?” 

“It would seem the case,” noted Seigurd, “Our theory was that the Temple would either deny him entry, perhaps violently, or ignore him as an inconsequential being.” 

“It hasn’t allowed any Force-Null before…so why now…” Hirotomo wondered out loud. 

Hux wasn’t as good at reading people as a Force-User, but as he watched the Warlord’s brow furrow, there seemed to be something more in his features than confusion.  Something like regret.  Had he wanted to enter the Temple before?  Perhaps he had wanted to enter along with his brother.  Hux could understand the delicate balance that was needed between leading scores of men and personal wants.  He had, perhaps foolishly, felt that this trial would not be any danger to him and chose to participate, feeling that he would be able to return to duty.  Hirotomo seemed to have taken the wiser path, choosing not to accompany Mako, or perhaps sending soldiers to assist, prioritizing the leadership of his planet over his ties to his brother.  But perhaps if he had known it was possible for certain Force-Nulls, would he have chosen to go? 

“In any case, I hope the General has more than proven his worth,” said Hathor haughtily. 

The other brother looked at Mako, “Is he angry?” 

Mako held up his hand and motioned to indicate, ‘slightly.’ 

“He’s proven that he’s proud and loyal, perhaps to a fault.  I dare say the First Order Generals must be expendable if they charge into danger so lightly,” marvelled Hirotomo. 

Hux didn’t reply that he had no idea just how dangerous it would be, and in what ways.  He had expected a physical challenge, not psychological torture tailor made for his mind.  Of course, saying that would only indicate that he was a fool who didn’t account for danger before dashing straight into a situation.  He supposed…he supposed this decision had been made mostly by emotion.  He heard Kylo was leaving with the others and he wanted to help.  He had taken some precaution but…Hirotomo was right.  It was foolish for someone who so many depended on to take undue risk upon himself.  He’d made a bad decision, and Hux felt he had paid the price for letting emotion rule his choices.  It was a mistake he hoped not to repeat in the future. 

The Warlord reached forward, perhaps on some sort of instinct and brushed his fingers over Hux’s lips, the way he had with his brother.  Pulling his hand back Hux caught a glimpse of a piece of rice that must have been stuck to his chin or cheek.  Hirotomo sighed, “And yet…your foolishness may have been my brother’s salvation, so I cannot place blame upon you.” 

   ***  

_‘If I could stand up, I’d cut his hand off.’_

_‘Master of Ren, he was accepting our General and vessel as worthy.’_

_‘B-But!  I wanted to do that!’_

_‘I’m sure he’ll get food stuck to his face again.  You’ll have another chance.’_

_‘But…but…I wanted to do it…’_

_‘Another chance will come anon.’_

_‘Enough talk!  I wish to battle!  We are warriors!  Not old gossiping…gossipers!’_

E’Chon patted Gaius on the head, who let out a groaning noise at the contact and seemed about to pour himself another glass, before realizing his cup was full.  “We have yet to conclude our match!  I shall not desist until I have had satisfaction!” 

“Honey, the universe clearly doesn’t want you to drink.  Quit while you’re ahead,” advised Hathor. 

“Pay him no mind E’Chon Ren, do continue,” said Seigurd. 

“You’re only saying that because you have money on him staying sober…” muttered Kylo. 

“Wait, you’re betting on this?” asked Hux. 

“Ah, shall I place a wager as well?  I suppose I must support my brother,” said Ryunosuke. 

“General, sweetie, no pressure, but I have several credits riding on you wining,” said Hathor. 

Hux shot Hathor a slightly irritated look and said, “Well, I wasn’t going to back out anyways…”  

“Then we shall battle!” said E’Chon, looking down, “Prepare yourselves!” 

Hux and Hirotomo sighed as they both looked at their laps.  Kylo waited until they were all in place before calling, “Eyes up.” 

Seeing Hux and the Warlord lock eyes, Kylo felt a surge of outrage from E’Chon.  Before he could say anything, E’Chon flipped the table with a roar of frustration. 

Kylo raised his hands, catching the table and several plates and bottles before they could clatter to the floor.  He panted with the effort and looked to his other knights, “A little help!?” 

He felt some relief as the others took control of the table from him, righting and lowering it.  Hux reached out, stupefied as he took various items that were hovering in the air.  He looked down at Kylo in shock, “Is this…?” 

“Yes I’m holding them; No it doesn’t hurt.  Please help?” he asked, looking at everything that would fall if he didn’t hold them up. 

With the table lowered and righted, it wasn’t long before the other knights and the General were able to place everything into proper order.  Ryunosuke gave them a little applause as Hirotomo looked about with his brow arched, almost the same sort of way that Hux used to do before he became accustomed to their antics. 

 _‘Stalemate,’_ offered Kylo when the pressure was finally taken off of him. 

 _‘Stalemate,’_ echoed his knights, or at least the ones who hadn’t passed out. 

Hirotomo leaned over towards his brothers, “Are all foreigners…?” 

“Just us,” Hathor replied with a wry grin.  Mako nodded in agreement and couldn’t resist a smile as he helped set things in order on the table with his powers, “Just us.” 

Kylo could sense loneliness in Mako’s brother, and a sort of jealousy at being allowed to gallivant across the galaxy.  His own life was so ridged.  It needed to be, but it could be an awful burden.  There was another sort of jealousy stirring within him.  This was the sort of trouble the three of them used to get into.  Knocking things over, letting the palace cats loose or making a ruckus.  Hirotomo needed to grow up faster than the others, setting aside all things childish when he took up the mantle of Warlord.  All too suddenly his childhood, his ability to just be Hirotomo the older brother had been snatched from him.  His life became one of connections, appearances, strategy and unwavering strength.  He wasn’t allowed to be Mako’s friend and brother with so many other variables in play. 

But these knights…these foreigners were becoming the family he wanted to be but couldn’t become.  He couldn’t be there for Mako constantly like the knights could.  Even if Mako returned, they could never be like this, not fully and completely.  He understood why Mako left, and yet Hirotomo seemed to think the idea that Mako always wanted to leave as a failure on his part. 

The Warlord was really starting to remind Kylo of Hux. 

“Then you will stay the night and leave tomorrow?” asked Hirotomo. 

Mako’s smile faded as he gave a nod and looked over the table.  Kylo could feel Mako beginning to worry, which in turn made Hathor anxious for him.  At the risk or restarting their feud from earlier, Mako replied, “I must away with my companions.” 

Perhaps since he was drunk enough to voice his true feelings, Hirotomo muttered, “I wish you would stay…” 

Ryunosuke added in a much more chipper tone, “It would be nice to have you around longer.  Perhaps you’ll come back for a festival.” 

“I know not when…” replied Mako, trying to gently dodge the subject of returning. 

“But you will come back,” said Hirotomo. 

Mako nodded, “Indeed, I shall return.  I…confess…it has been my desire to be wed here.” 

Hirotomo glanced irately at Hathor, “To my assailant.”  He heaved a long sigh, “I’d have hoped you would at least find a chief…but I suppose I would lose your love if I denied your request.” 

“N-nay…” said Mako, surprised by the reply. 

“I would have preferred to see my brother with a princess or chieftain, but I’ve heard the priests on your planet are regarded to come from the highest stock,” observed the Warlord. 

“I’d say a higher stock than yours, but it wouldn’t be fair to Mako,” replied Hathor sharply. 

The Warlord gave Ryunosuke a wary look, “I don’t like this one…he’s mouthy and he tried to kill me.” 

“Sounds like the average in-law to me,” replied Ryunosuke. 

“Keiko hasn’t tried to kill me,” noted Hirotomo. 

Ryunosuke went quiet before asking Mako, “So about your blond companion…” 

Seigurd staggered to his feet, shaking out the numb feeling in his legs from sitting too long and brushing cat fur from his robes.  He looked at Gaius and Eleo who had passed out already, and Hux who seemed to be finding it difficult to stay awake.  He seemed to linger particularly on Hux and recalled his behaviour before the trials, which he only recently realized was more harmful than he realized.  He shook his head, “Apologies, I must tend my companions.” 

“It gladdens me to hear these words, for our goodly master is a mite heavy for two alone,” said Mako. 

“I would assist as well!” interrupted E’Chon. 

Hathor shook his head, “Someone needs to carry the other two, and the General looks like he might be a bit unsteady when he wakes up.” 

“E’Chon can take Eleo, Hathor or Mako can handle Gaius, Hux-” Kylo began to reason. 

“Can walk on his own,” argued Hux.  He gathered his orange kitten in his arms and practically crawled to the wall so he could support himself as he got up. 

_‘Help him anyways.’_

_‘I planned on it.’_

_‘And Mako…these cats of yours.’_

_‘I sense your thoughts…I am unsure if laws remain fixed or have changed in the sun’s courses ere I’ve roved.’_

_‘So it’s not possible to just take one?’_

_‘Nay, t’is never been a case where one’s been stolen away.  It must be made a gift, a sign of favour and affection.’_

_‘We’ve probably blown it there, haven’t we?’_

_‘Perhaps not…I am still a Prince of Heian, you may recall.’_

_‘Are_ you _allowed to give one of them away?’_

_‘…one kitten may not be missed.  Ah, my brother is struggling.’_

_‘Go with him then.’_

_‘Brother of my heart?’_

_‘I assume you’re coming back once he’s been put to bed…it’s alright.  He only gets to have you for a few more hours.  I’ll have you for a lifetime.’_

_‘I shall carry the others while you assist the Warlord!’_

_‘…many thanks…’_

Kylo felt his connection to Mako diminish slightly, probably since he was disconnecting from Gaius so he could walk a straight line.  He offered a hand to his older brother and asked, “Are your chambers were my memory deems them to be?” 

Hirotomo seemed surprised by the gesture, but accepted, allowing Mako to help haul him up, even though he almost immediately stumbled.  Ryunosuke took his other arm and Kylo couldn’t help being a bit jealous himself at the idea of Mako’s family mending itself.  He was happy for his knight, but couldn’t help wishing he would have this opportunity as well.  He knew it would never come though.  Not after what he had done and what he had aligned himself with. 

He watched as E’Chon slung Eleo over his shoulder, making sure the knight was secure there while Hathor, with a little difficulty, picked up Gaius. 

_‘Oof…I think he’s gotten heavier.  At least he’s not in his armour.’_

_‘I can carry them both!’_

_‘It’s alright E’Chon, I’m not that helpless.’_

_‘I will assist the Master of Ren, who will take the General?’_

_‘E’Chon?  He probably just needs a shoulder to lean on to support himself.’_

_‘I shall indeed assist him!’_

_‘Wait…E’Chon, I see what you’re thinking, he’s not going to like it.’_

_‘I cannot permit him to struggle!’_

Despite having Eleo on one shoulder, he managed to stoop and grab Hux by the backside and hoist him over his other shoulder.  Kylo flushed as he got a good feel of Hux’s ass through E’Chon’s hand.  He hadn’t…actually worked up the courage to try to grab Hux like that himself.  He gave Hux a little pat every now and then but he’d never grabbed and now he really wanted to… 

“You oaf!  Put me down!  I can walk!” protested Hux, “At move your hand!” 

He pounded his balled fists uselessly against E’Chon’s back and squeaked when his ass received another squeeze, quickly silencing Hux and causing him to let out a drunken whine.  E’Chon announced with pride “My hand has been moved!”

“That’s not what I meant!” whimpered Hux. 

“Now!  Behold our soft-handed General!  GAZE UPON HIS COURAGE AND HIS PLUSH BOTTOM!” announced E’Chon. 

“Oh god…” Hux grumbled, covering his face with his hands. 


	47. The Hangover

The inside of Hux’s mouth felt like it had a layer of fuzz in it.  He moved his tongue around, trying to get rid of the feeling and began to feel other sensations.  A lump in his throat, queasiness in his stomach and heavy eyelids.  Without a doubt, he had a hangover.  He let out a light groan as he registered a throb in his head.  He didn’t want to get up.  He was confident if he stood upright he would fall right back down again onto…what was he lying on again? 

Opening his eyes, he saw bright whiteness and he was forced to close them again.  The light hurt his eyes and made his headache worse.  He was lying on something white and warm and soft. 

It was then that he recalled that the knights had been wearing white. 

Sure enough, whatever he was lying on was moving rhythmically, making him hover up and down.  He could also hear breathing, which made him wonder which knight he was lying on.  If he had to guess, it was either E’Chon or Kylo.  He could also feel limbs draped across him, though he wasn’t certain if he was being embraced or if the knights had simply flopped over him in their sleep.  He felt a hand on his head, stroking his hair back, “’morning.” 

Hux sighed, “Hung over…” 

“I know, I could sense it.  The Force around you is off when you don’t feel good.” 

Hux could feel the chest he was lying again vibrate, so he must be lying on the speaker.  He felt sunshine flood into his mind, easing his headache.  Hux hummed, “Mm…your power cures hangovers?” 

“Makes ‘em easier to deal with,” replied Kylo groggily, “You okay?” 

Hux nodded.  He felt much better with Kylo’s energy providing relief from what he had done to his brain the night before.  He nuzzled against Kylo’s chest, a rare and childish act on his part, but it felt right.  He was comfortable and just wanted to bury his face in the warmth and musky scent beneath him.  He felt his hair being petted again and nearly blushed.  The gesture was hardly intimate, but he always imagined it as something wrong.  Something for weak children, and as he was neither weak nor a child, he felt awkward accepting it. 

He wasn’t going to protest or decline it, but something was bothering him, “Should I be on top of you with your body in this state?” 

“You’re not that heavy,” said Kylo, “And according to Seigurd I should be fine if you lie down like this, just don’t expect me to lift you and carry you around.” 

“How long until you can walk?” asked Hux quietly.  He paused, “I think I asked that already…” 

“A week, probably with a brace, and I’ll be on light duties for about a month.  I got off pretty lucky…I owe a lot of that to you,” said Kylo. 

The memories came back.  He delivered a death blow to a spirit using Kylo’s image, and Kylo hadn’t been able to do the same.  Kylo wouldn’t even harm someone who looked like Hux, while Hux had acted without hesitation.  Which of them cared more for the other seemed to be obvious.  Hux had no idea why Kylo even permitted him to stay, let alone sleep with him. 

“Hey, did you hear me?  You helped keep me alive.  You’re the reason I’m going to be on my feet again in less than a month.  Stop beating yourself up,” ordered Kylo.  Hux felt the hand settle itself over his head and press him into Kylo’s chest, “Just stop, alright?  You were protecting yourself, it’ll be alright.” 

Would it though?  Hux wasn’t certain it would be, and in his line of work he needed as much certainty as he could get.  He felt that awful heavy feeling coming back, and all the shame he felt about all the horrible things he had done on his father’s orders.  Things he’d done to everyone he loved and who hadn’t done a thing to deserve it.  He could finally see what he was and he didn’t like it.  How was he supposed to move on from this?  How was he going to do anything with all the horror in the back of his mind? 

He didn’t want reconditioning.  He didn’t want to subject his mind to it.  He really and truly didn’t.  He couldn’t think of another way out.  Everything else, therapy and medication, would take too long.  They left too much up to chance, made him far too vulnerable.  Still…he didn’t want it.  It was dangerous, and if his conditioning was ever reversed again, it could be a disaster.  He might walk blindly into another scenario by an enemy and have everything he worked for torn apart.  There had been signs.  If he’d had any recollection of Molly he might not have reacted so strongly.  If he didn’t recondition himself though, how was he supposed to do the rest of the work required of him? 

“It’ll be alright,” said Kylo quietly, “It’ll be- kriff!” 

Kylo’s hand retracted and Hux bolted up, trying to take his weight off of Kylo.  The knight reached out, grabbing him by the shoulder, “No, it’s not you, it’s not you…Eleo just got up…ugh, his hangover’s awful.” 

“Please stop making noise…” pleading a groaning voice to Hux’s right. 

Looking over, he saw Eleo sprawled out and groaning.  He threw an arm over his eyes to block out the morning light.  Hux turned back to Kylo, “Do they have caf on this planet?” 

“Mako remembers it as a rare delicacy, so probably not.  Lots of tea though,” explained Kylo. 

“I’m dying…” groaned Eleo. 

“No you aren’t,” said Kylo, who turned his attention back to Hux, “I think tea is the closest we’re going to get until we get back to our ship.  In the meantime, flag down a servant and ask for tea.” 

“I don’t speak Heian,” said Hux, before sharply adding, “And they may avoid me, since they don’t want to invoke your wrath by talking with your ‘wife.’” 

“It’s not what you think!  They were disrespecting you, so I said that so everyone would treat you like someone with status,” explained Kylo. 

“Not so loud…” groaned Eleo. 

“Your wife though?  Really?  Kylo, I’m a man!  Not a Queen or a wife or anything of the like.  Why are you constantly trying to turn me into a woman!?” demanded Hux. 

“I’m not turning you into a girl, okay!  They don’t have a word for same-sex spouses on this planet and they see two men in love as being, well, childish, something you grow out of.  I said wife because the word would carry more weight,” Kylo countered. 

“The word ‘wife’ might carry more clout but anyone with eyes can tell I’m not a woman!  You could have said ‘husband’ and it would have been fine,” said Hux. 

“Wife made more sense in context…” protested Kylo lamely. 

“You’re impossible…” muttered Hux. 

“So…you aren’t made I said we were married?” asked Kylo. 

“I’m mad that you keep giving me women’s titles,” grumbled Hux, “Now tell me how to ask for tea.” 

Kylo paused for a moment and quietly said, “O-cha o’ o-neh-gai-shi-mass.” 

Hux paused, committing the syllables to memory by mouthing them.  He got up and heard Eleo groan again, flopping onto his side and curling in on himself.  He also saw that all of the knights had gathered in close to him.  It brought a strange feeling welling up inside of him.  He was glad they were there, but he wished that they weren’t.  He felt like he didn’t deserve them. 

Trying not to think of it, he went to go find tea. 

   ***  

_‘…caf….caf….’_

_‘If I could get it for you, trust me, I would.’_

_‘Dying…’_

_‘And you’re bringing me down with you.’_

_‘We’re in bed?  Ugh…h-how did we get here?’_

_‘Hathor knocked you out before you got too drunk.’_

_‘Bastard…where is he?’_

_‘Here, and so are the others.’_

_‘Huh…shit this hurts…wait, some of this is yours.  Do we have something for that?’_

_‘It’s fine, just don’t tell Hux.’_

_‘Shit, you’re hurting almost as much as I am.  Need to get some pain meds…’_

_‘I’m not hurting you guys too much?’_

_‘We’ll find out about them when they wake up, but I can take it…you can feel what I mean, right?’_

Kylo felt a feeling flood into him, a sort of odd satisfaction when two puzzle pieces slotted perfectly together, and the chills of hearing and feeling them click together.  He felt his pain recede a little as well.  Eleo wasn’t particularly talented at healing, but he knew how to reduce pain and calm an inflammation with his power.  It seemed he had gotten better as well, probably from time spent with Seigurd and Hathor. 

_‘You’ve gotten better.’_

_‘Felt I had to.  Couldn’t let the rest of you keep picking up my slack.’_

_‘…mm…you two are being noisy.’_

_‘Good morning to you too, Priss.’_

_‘Master of Ren?  You’re in a lot of pain…’_

_‘I’ll be better once we get back to the transport.  Then once we get back to the Finalizer do I’ll be able to get more than enough medicine.’_

_‘In the meantime, how long do you think you can last?’_

_‘Not too much longer.  I don’t think I’ll be able to last another day.  I thought I might last longer last night, but after a whole night of this…I don’t think I can take it.  Sorry.’_

_‘I see, I’ll get ready to leave immediately.’_

Kylo felt Hathor wake up Mako with a gentle dream-smack; inserting his presence into Mako’s dream and giving him a kiss on the nose.  Kylo felt Mako’s eyes flutter open and look up at his lover. 

_‘Good morning, love.’_

_‘You two are so lovey-dovey I’m gonna hurl…’_

_‘Art thou certain t’was not thine own content that sickens thee?’_

_‘Nope.  You two are worse than the hangover.’_

_‘Good master…’_

**_‘He’s not feeling good.’_ **

_‘I’m sorry Mako…if you want to stay longer we can send someone to come get you later.’_

_‘I would like to stay, and yet…I know not what I would do in such happenstance.  I have seen my brothers…t’is all I desired.’_

_‘Love, if you want to stay longer it’s alright.’_

_‘Nay, I will go.  Should I linger, it may give my brother false ideas...’_

_‘If that’s what you think is best, but if you change your mind, you know you’re free to visit and stay for as long as you’re able.’_

_‘I know it well, and yet there are stars I’ve not yet seen and planets I’ve yet to walk.  I know not how long I could stay before wanderlust stakes its claim o’er my soul.’_

_‘Shall I go get breakfast then?’_

_‘Yes!  Something greasy…’_

_‘Should have mentioned breakfast to Hux when he went for tea…’_

_‘I’ll go find him and food, don’t any of you worry.’_

_‘…worry?’_

_‘’Morning short-stuff.’_

_‘Everything hurts…’_

_‘Been a while since your last hangover, has it?’_

_‘Yeah…’_

_‘Mako, which way is the kitchen?  Mind if I root around for directions?’_

_‘My mind holds no secrets, all is thine to behold.’_

_‘Can you two have one conversation, just one, that doesn’t leave me wanting to hurl?’_

_‘No, it’s too much fun to stop at this point.  Though if you don’t learn to live with it the stress is going to give you wrinkles.’_

_‘I already have bags under my eyes, and I don’t think they’re going anywhere.’_

_‘I don’t remember it hurting this much…my head is pounding…ugh…’_

_‘GOOD MORNING COMPATRIOTS!’_

**_‘VOLUME!’_ **

_‘Ah, yes, apologies.’_

_‘…ow…head…’_

_‘Oh man did that hurt…’_

_‘And now we’re all feeling it.’_

_‘I did give proper apologies!’_

_‘…I thought I might sleep a little longer.  Has everyone awoken?’_

_‘Seig, how the hell did you sleep through that?’_

_‘It is a talent, Master of Ren.  Shall I assist you?’_

_‘Yes.  All the yes.  I’ll take anything at this point.’_

He heard Seigurd crawl over, not bothering to get to his feet on the tatami mats.  Kylo felt Seigurd settle a hand over his forehead and felt a pleasant coolness.  He wasn’t sure what to compare it to, normally he hated the cold, but this sort of cold wasn’t bad.  A bit like a cold glass of water after a hot and sweaty training session, but it wasn’t a perfect comparison. 

“Our vessel compares it to peppermint,” said Seigurd. 

Peppermint…he hadn’t considered that, but it made sense.  Kylo opened his eyes to look up at his knight, “You know he hates it when you call him that?” 

“It will take some adjustment, I will endeavour to refrain…though I’m more concerned for the state of his mind, at the moment,” replied the knight. 

 _‘He seemed to be doing better yesterday.  I think the cats helped,’_ Gaius chimed in, his voice still slightly muted by his hangover. 

“He’s still not feeling great, he doubts himself a lot…I’m not sure how to fix it.  I keep telling him it’s alright, but he doesn’t believe it, I can sense it,” explained Kylo. 

“Consider, perhaps, he has been conditioned for many years, and only within the past few days has anyone told him that things are ‘alright,’” offered Seigurd, “I believe…this may have something to do with the General’s darkness.  It’s beautiful…and yet much of it comes from a place of pain.” 

Kylo hadn’t thought of it like that.  For things to balance, they needed to be equal.  He knew that well enough from his constant fight to keep light and darkness in line with each other.  Hux had spent years being conditioned and abused, and only a few months with anything resembling companionship.  His father had tarnished all his past relationships, so Hux couldn’t even retreat to his own memories without mental anguish.  For Hux to find any sort of balance, it was going to take decades of positivity to cancel out the negative. 

Kylo wanted to help.  He wanted to do something, but it would take so long, he barely knew where to start…probably with walking.  He wasn’t sure how much comfort he could be to Hux, since being bedridden like this only caused the General more guilt. 

“Still…the Force around him is amazing.  I could feel you using it to heal me.  And that time when we were blasting through barriers,” said Kylo, relaxing as he felt even more of the pain fade away from his consciousness. 

“Strong, but at a cost,” said Eleo, “Guess we should have noticed sooner.” 

They probably should have.  A lot of the signs were there, but Hux’s mind had been altered so heavily it was impossible to catch stray thoughts and memories.  Kylo guessed something was happening, especially the way Hux was so eager for praise and so devastated with criticism.  Criticism for Hux had always been a precursor for something terrible, and praise had been so rarely received.  He should have known, he should have done something sooner…

…he was starting to sound like Hux. 

Ashe thought about him, Hux returned, nudging the door open with his foot and carrying a big tray.  He set it down immediately and asked, “What’s an ‘oku-san’?” 

Kylo arched his brow.  The word translated immediately in Mako’s mind.  Wife.  Somehow Hux had learned the Heian word for ‘wife.’ 

“Um…why?” asked Kylo, hoping it was something benign. 

“Because when I asked for tea, a little old woman brought me to the kitchen, made _me_ brew the tea, then handed me this tray, brought me back here, and wouldn’t stop tittering the entire time!” exclaimed Hux. 

“I…have no idea why she would do that…” said Kylo feigning bewilderment, “How very odd of her.” 

_‘…he made us tea…’_

_‘Made by his own lily white hand…’_

_‘Just for us…’_

_‘Whoever that little old lady was, she knows what’s up.’_

E’Chon eagerly snatched up a cup, “I will sample the General’s tea!” 

“…Ow…” groaned Eleo as the other knights let out a synchronous wince. 

“Apologies…” muttered E’Chon, taking a sip of the steaming tea, “It is most agreeable!  Your tea is most delicious!”  

Hux flushed brighter red than usual and seemed to forget all about being called Kylo’s wife again. 

_‘Compliment him more!  If we keep complimenting him we can avoid telling him what it means!’_

_‘…you just don’t want him to get mad at you again.’_

_‘Gaius stop snarking and drink some tea!’_

Hux awkwardly brought the tray around, giving a cup to each knight.  Looking about he asked, “Where’s Hathor?” 

“I’m surprised you didn’t see him,” groaned Eleo, keeping a hand on his forehead, “He went to the kitchen to find a good hangover breakfast…I think he’s getting more Tempura.” 

“Tem-poo-rah?” asked Hux. 

“The fried stuff…he’s arguing with the staff right now because it isn’t a breakfast food,” Kylo explained.  He used the Force to lift himself up slightly, not feeling up to using his abdominal muscles, to take a sip of tea.  Heian tea was bitter, but it was hot and soothing.  He nodded his approval, “It’s good.  You did a good job, Hux.” 

It seemed that along with demolishing emotional barriers, Hux had lost most of his ability to suppress his blush.  Normally he could manage to reduce it to a slight pinking, though Mako could always get a bright red from him, but now it seemed that even the slightest compliments would turn Hux as red as his hair.  He even seemed to be trying to force himself not to smile. 

_‘Oh my gosh he’s so cute…’_

_‘Cute…’_

_‘So cute…’_

_‘Adorable…’_

“It’s alright to smile if you want,” offered Kylo. 

Hux looked away and didn’t make a sound, but thankfully it didn’t seem to be a sad gesture at all.  As awkward as he seemed, Hux felt like he was slightly more at peace with himself. 


	48. Back to Basics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, not dead, just really busy... 
> 
> Sorry for the radio silence. I was feeling really bad and work got insanely busy. I burned my hand twice, got sick, and got a few unexpected projects dropped on me. I was feeling really upset and angry, so I thought it would be safest just not to say anything instead of going on an emotional rant. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with me :) The story is winding down after 48 chapters. All that's left is to get the boys back to the Finalizer and tie up all the plot ends. If I keep going at this pace, the story should be completed around september or october, maybe sooner if I ever get the chance to go back to one chapter per week.

Hux had never been certain as to why praise made him feel giddy.  He always assumed it was because he had spent his childhood desperate to impress others.  Desperate to be noticed, praised and validated.  He tried not to make it obvious.  Cadets who were too forward with desires to impress instructors were disliked by the other cadets, especially if it won them special treatment.  ‘Sucking up’ was frowned upon by those who wanted to survive their Academy experience.  So Hux kept his wants to himself, doing what was required to get good grades and didn’t make a show of anything extra he happened to do. 

Then of course there were his newfound memories of his father’s meddling.  Anyone who might have shown him kindness…he had been forced to get rid of them.  He had memories of one of his teacher’s assistants, who thought he had been kind, and often thanked Hux for helping to carry materials for him.  One time the kindly, retired officer even pat him on the head.  It had been so long since anyone had touched him, Hux had to fight his body’s need to blush. 

Between those two things, the desire and constant denial, Hux supposed it was only logical that he would overreact to any praise that he was given.  It was just one more instinct he had to learn to control.  It would be horribly undignified if he suddenly swooned like an idiot because one of his peers gave him a simple compliment.  He was a grown man, not a child, it was high time he stopped reacting so strongly. 

“Wow, sweetie.  This kind of tea is actually really difficult to brew properly.  You did really well,” said Hathor, taking a sip of tea. 

Hux felt himself turning beet red and his heart rate speed up.  He really, really needed to get this under control.  He took another bite of the fried, breaded fish and hoped the grease would help settle his hangover.  It was helping a little, but it would have been nice to have a basic pain killer to deal with the lingering headache. 

Looking about, everyone was there, except the cats.  He recalled being embarrassingly picked up and brought to bed, so he supposed either they were still roaming around the palace, or someone had come to put them back in their usual room.  It felt odd that they were gone now, and he was surprised at how much he missed them.  It was for the best though, the orange kitten hadn’t been his to keep. 

It did get him thinking though.  Would he be ready for a pet if he got one?  Not just the logistical things like making his quarters ready, training them to get to an escape if there was an alarm, or having all the things a pet would need, but was he emotionally ready for one?  He liked them, he had liked the cats a lot, but knowing what he had done, he wasn’t certain he could care for one.  The things he had done would stick with him, and he was sure a pet would serve as a reminder of all those awful things.  He wasn’t sure whether a pet would do him more harm than good. 

It had been nice though, and the kitten was cute… 

“General, is that all you’re going to eat?  You can have more,” said Hathor, offering him some breaded vegetabes. 

“I usually don’t eat much,” admitted Hux. 

“I can see that…” muttered the knight, giving Hux a once over, “But this will be your last chance to eat Heian food for a long time.” 

He felt like a child being badgered into eating his greens.  He looked over at Kylo, who’d been propped up on every pillow in the room so he could get into a comfortable position to have some breakfast.  He hoped that Kylo might say something to excuse him from eating more, but no such help came.  Sighing, Hux took something that looked like it might be pumpkin. 

“Got to have at least a little meat on your bones, Red,” said Eleo through a mouthful of crispy fish, “Keep that nice little curve you’ve got in your ass.” 

Hux coloured slightly at that and Gaius gave a little sigh, shaking his head.  Hathor crossed his arms, “That was uncalled for.” 

“Your boyfriend wrote a sonnet about his nips,” countered Eleo. 

“He _WHAT_!?” shrieked Hux, backing away as his blush came back in full force.  He stared at Mako in disbelief.  The knight in turn gave a little bow, looking very pleased with himself. 

“Don’t worry, it was beautiful and very tasteful,” assured Hathor. 

“That’s not my concern!  You can’t just…about…you know!” said Hux, trying to mime out what he meant by waving his hands about. 

“Told you he wouldn’t like it…” Kylo muttered out the side of his mouth. 

“You weren’t much better!  Don’t think I’ve forgotten!” snapped Hux, suddenly feeling very self-conscious about his nipples.  He’d felt awkward about other parts of his body, usually his weight and lanky build, but never something as silly as his nipples. 

He also realized that it wasn’t the sort of self-consciousness he usually felt, the sort where he didn’t like something and wanted to hide it.  He’d never been in a situation where someone else liked part of him so much that he felt compelled to cover it up.  He knew that Kylo and the knights found him…desirable, but he imagined they liked him the way he liked them.  Sexual attraction was something he didn’t tend to feel, so others breaking him down into very specific parts they found alluring was…odd, to say the least.  Hux wasn’t sure how he felt about parts of his body being fixated on and singled out as attractive.

It didn’t feel good, but he was a bit curious.  Something about his chest was nice for the knights to look at and he wasn’t quite sure what or why.  Asses he could somewhat understand, since he’d often heard people talk about those, but this seemed different somehow.  Nipples weren’t a feature Hux wouldn’t have picked out as particularly sexual or appealing on a man. 

“You see General, when the Force leads one being to desire another, darkness will often cause the mind to fixate on certain features and scenarios,” explained Seigurd.

Was Seigurd…giving him ‘the talk’?  He knew how babies were made… 

“For example, when the darkness stirs the imagination, certain desires may surface.  The Master of Ren finds the notion of certain clothing and foodstuffs on your person,” continued Seigurd. 

“Seigurd’s git kinks too!  It’s not just me!” Kylo exclaimed childishly. 

“Bwahaha!  But our master’s kinks are indeed the mightiest!” declared E’Chon. 

Gaius made an odd noise that Hux supposed was supposed to be laughing as he rolled onto his back and kicked his legs in the air.  Kylo gave him a light swat, “It’s not funny, Gaius!” 

“It’s not a thing worth much shame,” shrugged Mako, “In every mind there hides a desire kept closed from the world.” 

“Some less closed than others,” said Hathor with a grin. 

“I am not going to keep eating if you two are going to rattle off a laundry list of kinks,” said Eleo, he gestured to his skull with the chopsticks, “It’s bad enough I get a front row seat up here whenever one of you gets a thought.” 

“You’re such a baby…” teased Hathor. 

“Methinks a child hath more fortitude…” added Mako, “Even the General remains unflinching.” 

“He’s not a child.  Surely the vessel has some worldly knowledge,” said Seigurd dismissively. 

Hux quickly shoved the pumpkin thing in his mouth and hoped they would start talking about something else or break off into their mental conversation while he chewed.  As he looked about, they stop giving him their attention.  They seemed to be expecting an answer, but Hux wasn’t certain what to tell them.  A few minutes kissing sloppily during parties.  A few glances at other boys in showers.  He certainly wasn’t going to tell them how he chickened out when he finally got up the courage to meet a boy in a discreet closet.  The boy in question had been older, just sort of rolled his eyes, pushed Hux out into the corridor and called him a baby for changing his mind.  Eventually he worked up the courage to do some things, mostly with his hands, but nothing he would consider serious. 

“Some…” said Hux, hoping that would satisfy them. 

The knights looked at him, and suddenly, all at once, they seemed to collectively realize what was going on. 

   ***  

**_‘He’s a virgin!?’_ **

_‘I didn’t know!  He’s thirty something so I figured he must have at some point!’_

_‘It would explain a lot though, wouldn’t it?  I mean, being so awkward when we all get in close.’_

_‘Oh god…oh god what do I do!?  He’s waited years for this and I’m going to set his standards and this is too much pressure!’_

_‘It’ll be okay.  He seems to like trying and figuring out new things.  He’ll probably like it.’_

_‘’Probably’!?  Only **probably** , Gaius!?  Force, I’m going to blow it!’ _

_‘Blowing might actually be a good place to start if he’s not used to anything penetrative.  You may want to build up to other things, figure out what he likes.’_

_‘Nonsense!  Conquer his fears!  Leave no room for hesitation!’_

_‘That sounds like a terrible idea…’_

_‘Ah!  You may well and truly romance him!  Rose petals upon the bed!  Candlelight!  To sweep him well and truly off those snowy feet!’_

_‘What if we start and he hates it!?’_

_‘Then do something else instead.’_

_‘Oh god, oh god, what if he hates…Seigurd?  You’re being unusually-’_

Kylo flinched as his mind was barraged with image after image of Seigurd’s deepest, darkest fetishes.  There was rope, lots of rope, lots of moaning, and he was pretty sure there was leather.  As an unspeakable, perverted descant, there was Hux, blushing as if all the blood in his body had gone to his face, and pleading, _‘B-be gentle…it’s my first time…’_

‘…’ 

‘…’

_‘…apologies…’_

_‘You are now no longer allowed to think my kinks are weird.’_

_‘They’re a little bit weird.’_

“For goodness sake, could you please not go quiet after that!?” snapped Hux, “I didn’t have the free time or privacy for much as a cadet, and when I got my commission I never got the chance between work and fraternization laws.  It’s probably more common than you think.” 

Kylo couldn’t help pinking at the sight of Hux, in light of the fantasies Seigurd projected into their minds.  He coughed slightly, “It’s just…we weren’t expecting it.  You’re in your thirties, aren’t you?” 

“So?” asked Hux haughtily. 

“For most of us, we were quite a bit younger.  I suppose we assumed it would be the same for you, dear,” explained Hathor. 

“Like I said, I’m not a complete novice.  It’s not as if I never learned anything or experimented a little,” huffed Hux. 

 _‘We’re not teasing, we’re just surprised,’_ Gaius offered, patting Hux’s hand, _‘It’s okay if you wanted to wait or just didn’t feel like it.’_

_‘Just didn’t feel like it?’_

_‘I’m not sure he really…likes sex.  Not the way we do.  I get the feeling he’s sort of apathetic to it.’_

_‘It would explain a lot, like how he gets freaked out by Mako’s mega-flirting.’_

_‘T’would seem he’s unused to lofty praise…’_

_‘It seems fitting!  A warrior such as himself is not easily conquered!’_

_‘Okay, for the last time, Big Guy, beating the crap out of someone is not a prerequisite for sex.’_

_‘But it is more enjoyable!’_

_‘Just so long as they’re cool with fighting first…’_

“So, uh…n-not now but…do you…want to?” asked Kylo, “If you never want to we can figure something out.” 

“Not never, but certainly not now,” said Hux.  He paused for a moment, and looking about nervously he asked, “Would that…would that be one at a time or…” 

“Sweetie, I know you’re brave, but there’s no way you can handle seven of us with next to no experience,” said Hathor firmly. 

Hux coloured slightly, but conceded, “Well, that’s…good to know…” 

“Two at most, so if you ever feel up to it, just ask Mako or I,” said the knight with a wink. 

_‘Hathor…’_

_‘No need to be so jealous, I doubt he’d accept, Master of Ren.’_

_‘But what if he does?’_

_‘Truly, I doubt he would have such intent.’_

“I swear I’ll demote you if you hit on him again…” grumbled Kylo out loud. 

Hathor gave a little shrug and held up a piece of Tempura for Mako to eat. 

“You two are gross, I’m waiting outside,” said Eleo. 

“Yes…outside…” said Seigurd sheepishly as he got to his feet. 

Hux watched Seigurd shuffle out of the room awkwardly, following Eleo.  He groaned, “I’m curious, but I’ve decided I don’t want to know why he’s acting like that.” 

 _‘It’s…for the best,’_ assured Gaius, giving Hux’s hand another pat.  He got to his feet shakily and shifted his grip to Hux’s shoulder, ‘ _I’m going to wait outside too.  I think some fresh air might help a bit.’_

“I suppose it would,” replied Hux. 

_‘Mako, can you still get him a cat?  I really think he’d like it.’_

_‘Surely I can!  Which was it that captured his fair heart?’_

_‘The orange one!  I remember it well!’_

_‘I hate to put a damper on your plans dear, but can we sneak one onto the shuttle?  I’d love to surprise him, but it’s such a small space, he’s going to see it.”_

_‘A distraction perhaps?’_

_‘I shall provide the mightiest distraction!’_

_‘E’Chon?  E’Chon, no!’_

   ***  

Without warning, Hux found himself being caught up and flung into the air, landing on E’Chon’s massive shoulder.  As he was forcibly dragged out of the room, the large knight announced, “We must make ready to depart!” 

“What!?” demanded Hux, “What does that have to do with- Put me down!” 

“We must ready ourselves to depart!  A final bath and we must put on our battle dress!” 

Hux groaned and allowed himself to be carried out.  His stomach was still a little upset from the hangover, and he didn’t want to worsen his condition with any of the contorting he would need to do to get loose.  Unlike the first time they met, Hux knew that E’Chon wasn’t going to try to hurt him, the big knight just seemed fond of carrying him about.  In fact, craning his neck, he could catch a glimpse of the corner of E’Chon’s mouth, which was grinning wide in a proud sort of smile, like he’d just done something brilliant. 

That alone made Hux suspicious.  Obviously the knight was doing this with some purpose in mind.  The first and most reasonable conclusion was that the other knights were planning something, and E’Chon volunteered to distract him.  Hathor especially seemed to like cleanliness and aesthetics, so it was unusual that he wouldn’t join them in the bath.  Either he was going to do something with Mako, or he was needed for some other reason.  It also seemed odd that Kylo wouldn’t argue with E’Chon over his preferred method of exiting a room with a partner. 

“You know I can walk,” Hux grumbled. 

He felt a hand pat his thigh reassuringly, “This is much more efficient!  I know you enjoy efficiency above all else!” 

Hux arched his brow.  E’Chon did this…because he thought he would like it?  Hux had assumed it was a display of power, which it must have been on some level, but did E’Chon always insist on carrying him off because he was convinced Hux appreciated the gesture? 

Hux tried to turn to talk to him.  He considered protesting for a moment.  E’Chon was taller, so his stride would be a little longer, meaning Hux would have to walk slightly quicker to keep up, but not by much.  It probably took more effort for E’Chon to carry him than it took Hux to keep a light, trotting pace beside him.  He was about to say something, then stopped.  E’Chon seemed so happy with himself, so convinced he was doing something kind, that Hux couldn’t bring himself to disappoint him. 

Instead he sighed, “Yes, yes I do appreciate it when things are efficient.” 

“Huzzah!” exclaimed the knight jubilantly, thrusting the door to the outdoor bath aside with a loud crack. 

Hux winced at the noise, and couldn’t help smiling slightly to himself.  It had been a while, since someone else’s good mood had infected him like this, and he was quite certain he didn’t mind in the least. 


	49. Super Serious Dark Side Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so grumpy a few weeks ago. I'm a bit better now.

The pain was getting worse.  Kylo couldn’t figure out if it was because he was actually in some sort of danger or because he knew how long it would take until he got a proper pain killer in his system.  Like how he felt hungriest when someone told him he couldn’t eat for a set amount of time.  Suddenly he would become hyper-aware of the time he would be forced to spend without relief.  It just made him irritated and more fixated on time. 

He also had to figure out how to sneak a kitten onto a transport and onto a shuttle. 

The easy answer was to hide it under a set of robes.  If kittens didn’t move around, that would be the best place to hide it.  Unfortunately for him, kittens did tend to move around, a lot, and wasn’t going to hold still under someone’s clothes for very long.  A carrier would be better for the cat, but Hux was bound to notice it.  The only way Kylo could think would be to distract Hux long enough to get the cat on the transport, and then distract him again to sneak the carrier onto the shuttle.

There was no way that Hux wouldn’t notice the cat on the shuttle.  It was such a small space that it would stand out no matter what.  They would have to give him the cat on the shuttle.  There was no way the cat would last all the way to the Finalizer in a small box, or that Hux wouldn’t notice an out of place crate. 

He lay back and groaned as Mako and Hathor helped him get dressed.  He supposed he could use the Force to get it all on, but he was having a hard time focusing.  There was no way he’d be able to concentrate enough to do the fine-motor activities that he would normally do with his hands.  He was certain he’d think about the pain and accidentally stab himself with a nail file, or something equally stupid. 

_‘Don’t worry, we wouldn’t let that happen.’_

_‘None are so skilled with a blade as the brother of my heart!’_

Mako had a point.  If anything good came from this, getting pampered by Hathor was always a treat.  He hadn’t been particularly image conscious until he became a Knight of Ren.  Or…at least conscious in a good way.  With a celebrity mother and father he couldn’t avoid attention, and had always been acutely aware of all his peculiarities.  Big, crooked nose, big ears, large lips, and moles all over his pale body.  He didn’t need the Force to know people thought he looked ugly.  At some point he more or less gave up on his appearance and resigned himself to the fact that he would be awkward and ugly for the rest of his life. 

And then he joined the Knights, and if there was one thing Hathor Ren would not tolerate, it was being able to feel oil through someone else’s senses. 

At first he figured for the sake of hygiene, he could take care of himself a little more.  Maybe wash a little more often and just make sure that he was clean.  It didn’t take long though, as he began to feel more sensations though their connection, he found that taking care of himself actually felt good.  Not because his appearance had somehow changed, but because the act of taking care of himself felt nice.  When he was cleaner he felt better, and while he figured he would always be insecure with his face, having someone clean it up felt amazing. 

There were also things he hadn’t considered, like his nails.  He’d washed his hands and cut his nails, but he hadn’t cared for anything else.  Now it was one of his favorite parts of his routine. 

_‘Glad to be of service.  I used to have to sit on you to make you do this.’_

_‘You stormed through our base and raving like a lunatic that the feeling of dirt under your nails was driving you insane.’_

_‘Well it worked, didn’t it?’_

_‘It was terrifying.’_

_‘Terrifyingly beauteous.’_

_‘Thanks, love.’_

_‘Ugh…could you two not?’_

_‘Why don’t you go tinker with something?  If you don’t like it, leave.’_

_‘Tinker with what?  I’m bored out of my skull…’_

_‘And bored into ours methinks…’_

_‘You’ve got Gaius and Seigurd with you.  There has to be something you guys can do.’_

_‘I want to practice with the Force!’_

_‘…really?  You?’_

_‘I don’t want it to hold me back anymore.  I know I’m the weakest, I don’t want you guys to cover my slack forever.’_

_‘I’m not exactly the toughest either, but I guess we could.  Any ideas on exercises Seig?’_

_‘…butterflies.’_

_‘…butterflies?’_

_‘If you can’t harness an insect’s mind, you’ll have no hope for mastering another person’s, or a complicated mammal.  Start with butterflies.’_

_‘I don’t want to chase stupid butterflies!’_

_‘Then occupy yourself with the bounty of other opportunities the Force has provided.’_

_‘…fine, I’ll get your god damned butterfly…’_

_‘Okay…I command you- what?  No!  Wait, not that way!  Come back, butterfly!’_

Concentrating a little more on Gaius’ eyes, Kylo watched as a blue butterfly lazily fluttered away as Gaius gave chase, mentally calling for it to stop, or at least fly towards him.  He also caught something through E’Chon’s eyes:  Hux washing up.  He felt himself pinken as he shied away from the sight.  It felt a bit like peeping, not being in the same room as Hux and being able to see him.  Surely by now Hux knew that they could see, but it still felt wrong.  Hux hadn’t said he could look and Kylo couldn’t tell if the General was aware of his presence or not.  The last thing he wanted to do was look or touch without Hux’s say so. 

“You’re quite the gentleman,” noted Hathor, “We’ve got to prop you up now and get you dressed, are you ready.” 

Kylo sighed through his nose.  He wasn’t ready, and he knew he wasn’t going to enjoy having his Knights do something as basic and menial as dress him, but there was no other way.  He nodded and groaned, “Let’s get it over with…Mako, are there carriers for cats?” 

“If there’s need for them to travel,” replied Mako, “Worry not sweet Master, all will be well.” 

Kylo saw flashes of memories.  Mako grew up with the cats, after a fashion.  He was allowed to play with them, but was made aware that the cats were often given away as gifts, so he shouldn’t get attached to them.  For Mako, there were always so many cats that he never picked a special favorite, he just liked being surrounded by them.  He had also seen how servants cared for cats, and how they needed to be put in a little crate before they were taken to their new homes. 

Hathor set to work laying out Kylo’s clothing and armour as Mako helped him out of his robe.  Kylo could manage most of it, like the belt and sleeves, but it took some wriggling and assistance to get the robe out from under him.  He felt a bit like a baby, lying on his back and occasionally being lifted so someone else could dress him.  He couldn’t stand up though, and moving his legs hurt a lot, so it was a necessary evil. 

Getting the clothes on was worse, but he tried to ignore it. 

“It could be worse.  You shouldn’t be like this for very long,” Hathor offered, helping Kylo sit up with the Force before pulling a shirt over his head, “And this is surprisingly good for training.” 

“Speaking of…are you okay?  Are you both okay?” asked Kylo. 

Hathor paused for a moment before giving a non-committal, “I’m fine.” 

Kylo gave him a harsh look and his knight relented, “I’m working on becoming fine.  I’m focusing on the fact that everyone’s alive.  What they showed me was something I always knew was possible, but experiencing it was…I’d rather not relive it.” 

Before Kylo could apologize, Hathor held up another garment, “Pants next.  I’m going to move your legs a little.” 

He could still feel pain through their connection, and Kylo expected that it wouldn’t change any time soon.  The things they saw and experienced in the Temple were not going to be forgotten so soon.  Unlike Hux though, it felt…dull, manageable.  It was out in the open, not hidden, moving with other emotions in a sort of harmony.  It didn’t stop the hurt, but the pain wasn’t festering and growing either.  It was a healthy way to handle pain, though Kylo regretted that it had to be there at all, especially in Mako and Hathor. 

“Ow,” he grunted, more from discomfort than from pain. 

“Sorry, one more leg,” said Hathor, “Love, are we ready to move him?” 

“Indeed, a moment’s repose to gather focus, if thou wilt grant,” replied Mako, who Kylo could sense beginning to meditate and prepare to help lift his master and help him to the transport. 

“And then you’ll get the cat, though,” Kylo asked quickly. 

Hathor grinned and snorted, “You are so smitten…” 

   ***  

Hux could tell something was happening that he wasn’t privy to.  It would have been impossible for even an unobservant person not to notice.  Firstly, E’Chon dragged him to the bath and insisted on keeping him there for a decent amount of time.  It had been nice, and Hux found his self-consciousness was much more manageable if there was only one person with him.  He was aware that the other knights could mentally drop in, but not being able to see them tricked his mind into believing he had more privacy than he did. 

He also found E’Chon was certainly not Hathor.  While Hathor’s scrubbing was firm, but gentle, more of a massage than a scouring, but E’Chon was E’Chon.  Everything else was a battle, so why should volunteering to give Hux a shampoo any different?  Hux sat, gripping the stool he was sitting on as E’Chon seemed to alternatingly attempt to crush his head and tug his hair out.  After his first scrub and dreading a second, Hux suggested, “Why don’t I do yours next?” 

E’Chon gave a very loud and enthusiastic yes and Hux quickly realized that he hadn’t helped anyone wash since he’d given Molly her baths. 

As he realized it he willed himself not to cry.  He needed to stop.  He had to find a way to live with what he’d experience and not let it keep a stranglehold on his feelings or how he interacted with others.  He couldn’t change what had happened.  Molly wasn’t coming back and nothing he did would change that either.  Hux knew he couldn’t let it this stop him anymore. 

It was easier thought than done but…this was a good, small step.  It was a small, low-stakes act.  If he needed to stop or cry it wouldn’t harm his position or image.  It seemed like such a ridiculous thing to get emotional over something like hair washing.  Out of context, it was an embarrassing thing for a grown man to get so upset about. 

He couldn’t shut out the feelings, but should he?  Erasing the memories had been what put him in this position.  Obviously getting rid of the memories wasn’t a perfect long term solution.  So, if he wasn’t able or willing to forget, what was left to be done with all of the feelings and bitter-sweet recollections that were swirling around his head?  Was it even right for him to keep them?  If someone under Hux’s command were experiencing a similar situation, Hux would recommend reconditioning without hesitation. 

Though, after a few moments of uncertain and careful washing, Hux soon found he had an entirely different problem on his hands. 

“E’Chon, your hair…” Hux began, uncertain of how to proceed. 

“What of it!?” exclaimed the knight.  Hux cocked his brow at that.  It was a very odd thing to shout, but he supposed the big knight still wasn’t much for volume control. 

“Well, I think I’ve done something wrong.  It’s completely matted,” explained the General. 

“Ah!  It is as it has always been!” laughed E’Chon, attempting to run a hand through his hair and getting it caught in a series of tangles, “It is nigh impossible to keep it from this state!” 

He recalled, briefly, at their first meeting, that someone usually kept E’Chon’s hair braided to avoid knots.  However…there were so many.  Too many to have accumulated because of a simple washing.  Hux was certain he must have done something wrong. 

“But there’s so many…” marvelled Hux. 

“That is indeed the way of it!  I shall do battle with it shortly!” proclaimed the knight, “Fetch my brush and I shall show it no mercy!” 

Hux really didn’t like the sound of doing ‘battle’ with hair.  It sounded painful.  Cautiously he suggested, “Perhaps I could…?” 

“Ho!  It shall be a test of the skills our brother Hathor taught you!” said E’Chon, who sounded delighted. 

Hux admittedly still wasn’t very good at the things Hathor taught him.  He couldn’t get quite as clean as the knight was able to get him, and he often neglected parts of his prescribed regimen if he felt pressed for time.  He supposed it had enough of an effect that he looked better, but it wasn’t much. 

Besides, he never had to do much with his hair apart from switching soaps.  He didn’t have to worry about combs or brushes or anything like that.  With E’Chon’s hair though, Hux felt it was completely different from anything he’d done before.  He’d never detangled anyone else’s hair, or braided it for that matter.  He knew how to tie a decent knot, but that was all, and it certainly wasn’t going to help him in this situation. 

There was a brush nearby, he hoped it was the right kind, but he figured he would have to work the knots loose with his fingers first.  If he just pulled through with the brush, some of the knots would be bound to pull or snap.  Just brushing like a maniac would have been fine on a manikin or something of the like, but on someone’s head where yanking would actually hurt, Hux knew he would need a gentler approach. 

Hux thought he would hate it.  From the look of it, the job would take forever, leaving them both sitting naked and wet by the bath where anyone could see or walk in.  He figured he would get tired or bored and get annoyed quickly with his lack of progress. 

Surprisingly though, he enjoyed it.  Pulling the little knots apart was just like a puzzle, and ever since he was young Hux had loved figuring out how to put things together and take them apart.  It wasn’t boring at all.  It had been a very long time since he’d done a puzzle for recreation, and in that moment, Hux found he had missed it quite a bit. 

It took some time, but he managed to work through it all, and barely thought of his own nudity or the knights during the whole process.  When he finished, E’Chon ran a hand through his hair and nodded in approval, “It is good!  Very good!” 

“I don’t know how to braid it though,” Hux mumbled dismissively, trying to avoid the giddiness the praise gave him. 

“Ah!  It is a most simple task!  A battle you shall easily overcome!” said the knight, “Through division you shall conquer!  Divide your opponent in three!” 

It took a moment for Hux to realise that when E’Chon said ‘opponent’ he meant his hair.  Hesitantly, Hux sectioned it off with his fingers, letting the middle section rest on E’Chon’s back and letting the other two tumble over either of the knight’s shoulders.  Once he had done that, the knight continued, “Now take the right section!  Bend it to your will!  Force it to the right and set the other in its place!” 

Once again, it took time to decipher hair styling tips out of what were clearly battle tactics.  Hux uncertainly crossed the right section over the middle one until they had exchanged places.  E’Chon roared excitedly, “Now the left!  Do not allow it to escape a similar fate!” 

Hux arched his brow at that and did the same.  E’Chon cheered, “It is effective!  Now, again!  Until your opponent is whittled to nothingness!  Use all of your might!” 

‘It’s just hair…’ Hux couldn’t help but think to himself as he repeated the motions, criss-crossing the strands over each other until, to Hux’s shock, the strands actually formed a braid.  A braid that looked like a braid, not a tangled mess that Hux had anticipated making.  E’Chon rose and turned, patting Hux on his shoulders, “You have fought valiantly!  I commend you, General!” 

‘It’s just hair!’ Hux thought to himself again.  E’Chon seemed pleased with himself though, so he kept his thoughts to himself, “I suppose we’ll have a rest and then go to the transport?” 

“Indeed!  Our Master will want to depart soon!  He is most restless!” declared E’Chon. 

“Oh…I would have thought Mako would want to stay longer,” said Hux. 

“Nay!  He doesn’t wish to give his brother false hope for a long retreat!” explained the big knight.  He looked down and cocked his head slightly, asking in a quieter volume by E’Chon’s standards, “Do _you_ wish to stay?” 

He hadn’t thought about it, but now that it had been suggested, Hux found he did.  The longer he stayed on Heian, the more time he had to recover from the Temple’s meddling and make a less drastic decision.  Even a few more days to bide his time would be nice.  Unfortunately though, they didn’t seem to have the pain-killers that Kylo needed.  Perhaps…if they got the supplies from the shuttle, and then maybe if there was decent medicine on Heian…

…no.  No he shouldn’t stay.  He couldn’t avoid this choice that he would have to make.  He would just have to make it as quick as he could, like ripping off a bandage.  He also couldn’t deny Kylo the treatment he sorely needed.  Perhaps medicine on Heian was among the best, but Hux didn’t know that for certain.  However, he did know that the Finalizer’s medical bay was fully equipped to give Kylo necessary treatment and the therapy he would need to fully recover.  If he kept Kylo from that he knew he would regret his decision. 

“No, I’m alright with leaving today,” said Hux. 

E’Chon curiously took a moment to respond, perhaps he’d been engaging in one of the mental conversations the knights often had.  After the moment passed he grinned and said, “I agree!  It is just as well!” 

   ***  

Hux really thought he’d seen all the strangeness he could have expected from the knights of Ren.  He truly, truly had.  When he and E’Chon left the bath, Hux found that their clothing had been left for them.  It was surprising, and meant that they wouldn’t have to return to their room, which only furthered Hux’s theory that the Knights of Ren were all planning something.  After dressing, he followed E’Chon towards the palace grounds outside.  It was walled, so hopefully he wouldn’t need the veiled hat that would keep locals from knowing a foreigner was among them. 

It was then that he spotted Eleo, shouting angrily at a butterfly that was feeding from a flower. 

He was about to ask what was going on, but was stopped as he watched Gaius running about, flailing his arms and chasing after another fluttering insect.  Seigurd on the other hand, was floating, his robes hanging limply beneath him, and he was covered in all manner of insects.  Hux arched his brow and finally gained enough presence of mind to ask, “What’s all this then?” 

Either Gaius tried to stop and failed or he tripped over his feet.  In any case, he fell flat on his face and skidded a good five feet before coming to a halt.  Eleo turned, and while Hux couldn’t see his face due to his mask, he was able to deduce quickly that he was at a loss for words. 

Seigurd finally spoke up, “We are training in the dark arts.” 

Hux arched his brow, “By screaming at the local fauna?” 

“Yes.” 

Hux kept his brow arched and stared at the knights.  They seemed to be waiting for something from him.  Not really knowing what else to do, he gave a dismissive wave and said, “Carry on…” 


	50. Sorry Not Sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its a few hours late. I slept in for the first time in about a month ><

Hux tried his best to stay out of the way as Gaius kept chasing after different insects.  He wasn’t exactly sure what this training was supposed to help with, but whatever it was, Gaius was clearly failing.  He finally seemed to give up, wheezing behind his mask as he flopped onto the ground again.  E’Chon approached, prodding Gaius’ ribs before patting him on the head sympathetically. 

Eleo, on the other hand, let out a string of what must have been curses in his native tongue and kicked over a flower in frustration. 

“So, what exactly is this training, Seigurd?” Hux asked. 

The knight’s head, still covered in colourful insects, turned and replied, “You are aware that we can influence the thoughts of the weak-minded?” 

He was aware, and found the concept terrifying.  From his reading, Hux discovered that so long as someone was strong-willed, and strong-minded, it would be difficult for a person to be influenced by a Force-User.  It had been his main concern when he discovered his co-commander was Force sensitive.  It was something he and Kylo never discussed, but after months of nothing influencing his thoughts, Hux assumed either he was immune, or Kylo had no interest in using his power on him.  He gave a nod in affirmation. 

“While animals and insects possess consciousness, they are significantly less complex than the minds of other sentients.  Their thoughts are much simpler, more necessity based, and thus easier to harness,” explained Seigurd. 

“I SAID LEFT, ASSHOLE!  LEFT!” Eleo shouted, kicking up dirt at a butterfly. 

“…usually…” Seigurd added quietly. 

“So people are more complicated,” observed Hux. 

“Infinitely.  An insect may only have thoughts necessary for survival and procreation, with fewer nuanced emotions or thoughts.  To influence an insect, one must only suggest the need for it to change direction, and it will submit readily,” Seigurd attempted to explain, “The ones I’ve gathered I’ve suggested ‘rest’ to, as well as the idea that my person is a safe place for them to rest.” 

Hux looked at the fast collection that Seigurd had accumulated on his robes.  Hux arched his brow, “How much effort would it take to control a person?” 

“That would depend on the person, their alignment, the Force around them, and their mind,” the knight seemed to regard him seriously, “Or do you mean to ask whether or not you can be easily controlled?” 

“It was just a thought,” said Hux, “The Temple did something to my mind.  I just wonder if I’m as safe as I thought.” 

Seigurd nodded, causing a few dragonflies to flutter up before settling back down on the knight’s hood.  He continued, “There are a variety of factors to consider, including mental health and emotional duress.  You may notice yourself being more susceptible to verbal influences when you are fatigued or emotionally drained.  However, one cannot force you to do anything you yourself have no desire to do.  The Force helps us reach into the mind, draw on desires and influence a person to act, but if that desire is not present, or the individual in question fights the urge to act on it, they cannot be forced.” 

“I still don’t really understand what happened…” said Hux quietly. 

Seigurd stood, or rather he unfolded his legs from his floating position to let his feet touch the ground.  He tilted his head up, scaring off the skittish dragonflies as he replied, “A repressed memory is different.  It’s the difference between reading a book and being able to suggest what comes next to the writer.  We have the ability to see all, but your will is your own if you are strong enough to resist the influence of others.” 

That wasn’t exactly comforting.  Hux didn’t like others being able to see him.  He didn’t even like people knowing the outline of his body, padding his uniform to create a more intimidating presence.  What he could take from this though was that repressed memories didn’t go away.  If he was reconditioned the memories would still be there, dormant, ready to come back and ruin everything if someone plucked it out of his mind and showed it to him. 

If he’d been a lower-ranking member of the order, it would have been a non-issue.  Force-sensitivity was rare enough that the average soldier wouldn’t encounter one.  Hux on the other hand, he had to contend with eight of them.  Seven Knights of Ren and the Supreme Leader and one of him.  There was a possibility that being around them had weakened the conditioning, since they sifted through his mind often enough to relay and receive information.  If he did go through with reconditioning, there was a high probability that over time, exposure to Force sensitives and working with them would undo it.  Once again leaving him blindsided. 

It was becoming more and more clear that reconditioning was a temporary solution to a permanent problem.  He also knew that his mind wouldn’t be able to endure multiple conditionings.  There was a limit to how many times he could undergo it before he caused permanent damage to his mind, and possibly his body.  He needed a lasting solution, but he wasn’t sure if there was one that could get him the results he needed. 

He also wasn’t sure if his pride would allow this.  Reconditioning was something he recommended to the men and women under his command fairly regularly.  If he couldn’t go through with something he ordered of his men, what did that say about him as a leader?  He tried telling himself that his situation was very different, that his working with and proximity to the Knights made reconditioning too hazardous, but he had a difficult time believing himself.  Somewhere there was a voice inside him to stop being soft, to stop making excuses for himself.

He just had to figure out whether to listen to it or tell it to shut up. 

Seigurd seemed to shudder for a moment.  He made a very odd movement, as if he meant to reach for something then jerked back into place.  He cleared his throat and spoke, “Ve-General, perhaps you may be of assistance…” 

A gloved hand wrapped around his wrist and dragged him to another part of the garden courtyard.  Hux pulled his hand back irately, “My assistance with what?” 

“The training.  Perhaps you may assist us,” said Seigurd more insistently. 

“How!?  I’m not going to let you try to make me do ridiculous things with your powers!” snapped Hux. 

“There is no time for foolishness!  The darkness wills it!” exclaimed Seigurd, “See how it moves through me!  It must be obeyed!” 

That was when Hux felt himself being lifted up by the hips into the air.  He floated, being pulled along by Seigurd, who walked at a quick pace, “This way General!  We must move this way!” 

“Seigurd Ren you will put me down this instant!” shouted Hux, kicking his legs fruitlessly in the air. 

Gaius ran up, still panting a little and tried to mime something.  E’Chon, with his long stride, walked alongside him and agreed with Seigurd, “Yes!  This way is much better!” 

“I can walk!” shouted Hux, “Put me down!” 

Despite his protesting, Hux was dragged away to a more secluded corner.  Seigurd put Hux down and said, “Yes, here is good.  There is excellent darkness here.” 

Hux didn’t believe him for a moment.  If this place was so ‘dark’ why hadn’t Seigurd come here in the first place?  Clearly the knights wanted him here for some other reason.  Gaius grabbed onto his forearm and tugged at it, _‘I’m trying to learn how to influence insects.  I wouldn’t mind your help.’_

“I can’t use the Force,” protested Hux. 

 _‘No, but you have a good idea of how we use it.  In fact, as far as Force-Nulls go, you’re probably one of the most informed just because of your experiences with us.  You’re more insightful than you think,’_ noted Gaius. 

That might be true.  Hux had felt what it was like to use the Force by being connected to the knights.  It had been…strange.  He supposed it might not be unlike a blind person seeing for the first time.  It had tapped into a sense that he had been living without.  For just a few moments he had been able to feel what Kylo felt every day.  Intuitively he knew how to control it.  It was odd to return to his own, Force-blind, mind and no longer be able to feel the Force at all. 

With that in mind, he had no idea what to tell Gaius.  He couldn’t feel any energy and he couldn’t harness it, so he wasn’t sure what use he would be. 

 _‘Just hold tight.  Can I let you in?’_ asked Gaius. 

Hux nodded and braced himself.  At first the knights only let him share a few senses at a time.  Thoughts, sight, and then a little touch.  Gradually Kylo helped him with sounds, even taste, but now he could handle all of them, if only for a short while.  He could also feel Gaius perception of the Force.  Unlike the others, it was muddled, a bit like listening with blocked ears. 

Gaius seemed to be trying to reach out to a bug on Seigurd’s shoulder, trying to call it over.  Hux could feel Gaius’ mind calling out to the insect, trying to convince it to fly towards him.  Hux could feel it, but he wasn’t sure how it was supposed to work.  He could feel Gaius try to send feelings at the butterfly, pleading, trying to persuade it to come towards him. 

From what Seigurd explained, Force powers were about suggestion.  A person, or insect in this case, had to be made to want to follow the Force-User’s orders.  They had to be made to think it was their choice, their want.  So what would an insect want?  Basic things, Hux supposed.  To be safe, to be fed, and possibly to procreate.  The butterfly on Seigurd’s shoulder must have already felt secure, which left two other options.  Perhaps if it wasn’t full… 

_‘Have you tried telling it you have food?’_

_‘But I don’t have any.  It’ll be able to see that I don’t actually have any…’_

It couldn’t be that difficult.  It was a bug.  Hux convinced grown men and women on a daily basis to follow orders they might not necessarily like.  Surely he could figure out how to make a butterfly move from one person’s shoulder to another.  Butterflies had no sense of duty or obligation, so if it wasn’t going to move for basic necessities, what would make it move?

_‘So if there’s nothing it wants, maybe we need to create a need.’_

_‘How?’_

_‘Basic suggestion.  During negotiations one can sometimes convince someone that they have a need.  For example, asking someone without a writing implement to sign something.  They didn’t need a stylus or pen before, but now they require one.’_

_‘Okay, so what’s our pen…?’_

_‘I have no idea…’_

He could hear Gaius thinking, mulling over ideas before trying, _‘It’s shady over here.  Aren’t you hot?’_

Hux didn’t understand it, but something about the butterfly’s presence changed.  He couldn’t figure it out, but Gaius sent out a clear command, _‘You will come over to my shoulder.’_

The insect, to Hux’s surprise, lazily fluttered over.  Suddenly Gaius’ thoughts burst out, _‘Look!  Look!  I did it!  I did it!  Everyone look!  I called it!’_

Hux could feel Gaius’ body tighten, resisting the urge to run about and show everyone what he had done.  His feelings were bright, blinding even, and it was all pure joy.  Hux couldn’t believe that something so simple had worked.  It was an insect, but he was still surprised that principles that he could easily grasp could be applied to the Force.  Perhaps it wasn’t as mysterious as he had thought it was. 

E’Chon moved to grab Gaius but the small knight called out, _‘Wait!  Don’t scare him!  I want to hang on to him a bit longer.  Wow…I can’t believe I did it!’_

Hux heard an echo of Seigurd in Gaius’ mind, _‘Well done, Gaius Ren.  Your command over the dark side of the Force is growing.’_

E’Chon patted Gaius on the helmet and, to Hux’s shock, actually whispered, “Well done indeed.” 

Hux’s jaw dropped.  More than Gaius’ new Force trick, E’Chon’s sudden mastery of volume control was incredulous.  He had to force himself to close his mouth and turn away so he wouldn’t start gaping.  He was about to turn around when Eleo swung him back around, “Hey, how about you help me with that trick too?” 

“Getting E’Chon to whisper?” asked Hux, trying to glance back. 

Eleo marched him further into the courtyard, throwing an arm over his shoulder so Hux wouldn’t be able to look.  He was speaking much quicker than usual, and seemed to be making an effort at being his usual, casual self, “No, the other one.  The one that makes bugs like you.” 

He might have been interested, but Hux was convinced that it was mostly a ruse.  He arched his brow at not being allowed to turn around, and still allowed Eleo to lead him away.  So there was something that the knights didn’t want him to see.  That was interesting… 

   ***  

_‘Do you think he’s figured it out?’_

_‘He knows.’_

_‘He most assuredly knows!’_

_‘Well, yeah, he’s smart enough to know something’s going on, he wouldn’t be my co-commander if he couldn’t see that much.  Do you think he knows about the cat though?’_

_‘Methinks the nature of our plot remains unknown to him.’_

_‘Indeed.  When he was connected to Gaius I could sense suspicion, but nothing specific.’_

_‘Okay, good, Mako’s putting it on the transport now.  Who’s going to sneak it onto the shuttle?’_

_‘…there isn’t anything we can hide it in or under for a few moments, is there?’_

_‘How about the big guy’s cloak?’_

_‘It is indeed roomy!’_

_‘So the big guy can pretend to get hot during the trip and drape the cloak over the crate, and then maybe he can get it on the shuttle with nobody noticing…Mako remind me why our shuttle got moved far away after we parked it right fucking here?  It can’t just be the aesthetics…’_

_‘……nay…’_

_‘Oh my god the extreme art fixation runs in your family doesn’t it?’_

_‘I happen to like it.’_

_‘It’s annoying as hell, Priss!’_

_‘I’m going to find more butterflies!’_

_‘Please do, dear.  I’m sure you’ll find the most beautiful specimens.’_

_‘I shall assist!’_

_‘Alright…we’ve almost got Kylo in.  Mako and I are going to handle formal goodbyes for him.  Make sure he doesn’t see the cat.’_

_‘He shall not see.  I will make sure of it.  Eleo Ren, distract him to the best of your abilities.’_

_‘Why me?  Why not drop trou and do a crazy dance?  That’ll- HOLY SHIT DON’T ACTUALLY DO IT YOU NERF HERDER!”_

Hux’s attention was temporarily grabbed by Seigurd grabbing at his robes and starting to squirm in an odd way.  Eleo dashed away from him and tackled the other knight to the ground. He arched his brow and tried to imagine that they could possibly be communicating to each other through their connection. 

After a few minutes he gave up and decided he was better off not knowing. 

   ***  

Kylo lay down in the middle of the transport on his cot.  He wasn’t in any state to make a formal goodbye to the Warlord.  Normally he would have sent Hathor to take care of it, but he and the Warlord were on, frankly, awful terms.  E’Chon was just as likely to bid a fond farewell as he was to declare war, so someone else needed to go in their stead.  He wasn’t sure how he felt about Mako being sent, but Heian culture frowned on touch between strangers, which left Gaius out, and Seigurd and Eleo were probably the worst diplomats Kylo had ever encountered. 

Which left Mako.  In some ways he was the best choice, having the most knowledge about Heian as well as familial connections, but those connections were also a source of tension.  The last thing Kylo wanted was for Mako to have a fight with his brother just before he left his home world.  He couldn’t think of a worse way for his knight to end a journey that had so many dismal moments. 

He could monitor their goodbye through the connection.  Mako was still open to them and not making any attempt to close himself off.  Kylo could also sense the Warlord’s feelings and what they were doing to Mako.  Hirotomo wanted desperately for Mako to stay longer.  He wanted to have his family close, and couldn’t comprehend Mako’s choice to leave.  His feelings made it difficult for Mako to pull away.  He didn’t enjoy upsetting his brother, but he wanted to make his own way and explore the Galaxy.  He couldn’t do that by staying… 

Mako made a final bow and Hirotomo did the same.  Kylo could feel the Warlord’s heart breaking despite the way he set his face in indifference.  Mako wanted nothing more than to reach out and embrace him, assure him he would visit, even send messages if he wanted them. 

_‘We’ve broken a lot of protocol already…If you have a chance to leave on good terms, you should take it.’_

Kylo couldn’t help his thoughts from betraying his reasons for wanting them to reconcile, _‘Because I can’t anymore.’_

Mako rose from his bow and opened his arms.  Not wide, just enough for Hirotomo to know that he would be open to a parting embrace if he wanted it.  Hirotomo’s face betrayed nothing, but much like Hux the shift in the Force around him told the knights everything they needed to know about his feelings.  Yes, he wanted the embrace, but not with so many eyes watching. 

He turned, and with a gesture dismissed the guards and servants.  Kylo watched the guard from before, the one who had escorted them, coming to the transport.  He was probably going along to try and ensure that the knights didn’t get ‘lost’ and wind up in an unsuspecting village.  It was all for show, the Warlord had to know that the knights, even with Kylo injured, could easily overpower the guards if they truly had a mind for it.  They had no such intention though.  They had no quarrel with Heian, and though a well-intentioned excursion to show Hux a village could be fun, it would worry Mako far too much for any of them to really enjoy it. 

When the area was empty enough for the Warlord’s liking, he closed the gap between himself and Mako.  Kylo could feel the breath tickling over his knight’s ear as he whispered, “Come back if you can, your rooms will be waiting.” 

Mako had questions.  What if he brought Hathor?  What if all of the knights joined them for a retreat?  What if he was away for years?  He kept his questions to himself though.  This was a victory, if a small one, and he didn’t want to ruin it.  Perhaps later he would ask, when a little time had passed and emotions were less high.  For now, he embraced his brother. 

“I’m going to miss you!”

Kylo grunted as the middle brother, Ryunosuke got the jump on them both and embraced both brothers, “And bring your weird blond friend by again!  He was fun.” 

Mako shuddered slightly as he felt the Force shift around his brother, becoming hotter, more irate as he realized that not one, but two of his brothers was having affairs with foreign men.  Mako nervously began, “M-my transport awaits o’er yonder…” 

“Which blond…” demanded Hirotomo. 

“Oh, apparently the General has ‘red’ hair.  Foreigners have words for different kinds of blonds,” said Ryunosuke, “I meant the other one.” 

“That would be Seigurd,” said Hathor, “I wouldn’t mind him.” 

Hirotomo shot a glare at Hathor before muttering to Mako, “If I have to contend with two of them running about.” 

Two?  But could that mean…he was alright with _one_ foreigner?  One of them having a foreign lover?  Kylo could feel Mako relay his conclusion to Hathor, who was surprised, but still offended by the blatant xenophobia. 

_‘He might accept!’_

_‘I wish he would use less ugly language…but that is progress.’_

_‘Then shall we proceed to plan our nuptial-’_

Hathor’s thoughts briefly exploded into a whirl of wedding plans that he’d been keeping a careful handle on.  It was just as powerful as Seigurd’s little outburst before, and grabbed the attention of everey knight.  Hathor’s face was burning, but he still sent out a clear thought. 

_‘Don’t expect an apology…I’m not sorry for those thoughts in the slightest.’_


	51. Away We Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. It's a short chapter. School and work have been rough.

Hux couldn’t help glowering at the veiled hat that the guard shoved into his hands.  He knew he would have to wear it, and he knew the reasons why it was for the best that he put it on, but he still didn’t like it very much.  His appearance would alarm any Heian citizens who saw him, and every minute he dug his heels in and tried to argue was a minute that Kylo was delayed in getting better treatment.  So he put it on and boarded the transport. 

Kylo was already there, lying on a cot on the floor, unable to sit up on the seat.  He was fully armoured and masked, which made Hux think he looked a little ridiculous.  It wasn’t as if he could fight, and he was probably less comfortable in his battle gear than he would if he wore a simple robe, or at lease forewent a few layers.  He leaned over and asked, “How are you holding up?” 

“I’ve been better,” said Kylo. 

Hux detected a bit of a grumble at his voice.  It was strangely familiar to hear Kylo a little bit angry, a little bit sharp.  He seemed much more like himself, oddly enough.  So much so that Hux couldn’t help grinning.  He took a seat near Kylo and couldn’t help noticing that E’Chon Ren was sitting a bit awkwardly, his legs flexed, pressing back against something that wasn’t near the foot of any other seat. 

Now things were a little bit clearer.  The knights were sneaking something on board and they didn’t want him to know about it.  Hux tried to think of what it could be.  Mako might have wanted to bring some comfort items from home, but Hux couldn’t understand why that would be kept secret from him. 

Unless it was illegal and potentially damaging to Heian-First Order relations… 

Hux craned his neck slightly, trying to get a good look at it.  It was a sizable box, but that was all Hux could see.  He hoped that his suspicions were completely unfounded.  He knew Gaius would know better, and hoped Kylo would be able to see the importance of not aggravating their allies.  So if it wasn’t harmless souvenirs, and it wasn’t contraband, why wouldn’t the knights tell him what they were sneaking on board? 

A gift?  Hux quickly banished the thought.  It seemed too presumptuous.  What had he done to deserve a gift anyhow?  It was clearly meant to surprise him, but it probably wasn’t going to be his to keep. 

He took his mind off of the box as the guard and the rest of the knights boarded.  Mako waved to his brothers, a gesture that was returned with a curt, polite nod from Hirotomo and overly excited waving from Ryun…nosuke.  Ryunosuke.  That was his name.  Hux wondered if he ought to make a goodbye or if he was expected to stay still and not make eye-contact with anyone.  He glanced towards the Warlord and saw that his attention was clearly fixed on his brother.  Hux supposed if he wasn’t on his best behaviour, it would be literally overlooked.  He made a note to perhaps send a message or gift as thanks for hospitality to try to smooth the whole thing over. 

Seigurd took a seat beside him.  For a moment Hux half-expected him to try to rest his head on his shoulder.  For a moment he saw the knight’s hand raise itself, then settle back into his lap. 

Hux was caught off-guard for a moment.  If Seigurd wanted to do something, he simply did it.  Something about the darkness wanting him to do it or moving him to do it or some such Force-sensitive nonsense that Hux didn’t understand.  Hux recalled on their first meeting the knight nearly threw a fit if he couldn’t fulfill the wishes of the darkness.  He looked at Seigurd’s hand, arching his brow for a moment and waiting for him to move again.  When he didn’t Hux gave a slight shrug and nudged Seigurd with his elbow, “Go ahead.” 

Seigurd instantly leaned up against him and placed a hand over his leg, “If you insist…”  

He hadn’t insisted, but it was strange to see Seigurd holding back.  And it wasn’t hurting anyone, as odd as Hux felt about the situation. 

   ***  

_‘See, isn’t it better when he says you can do it first?’_

_‘…the difference is miniscule, but I see your point, Gaius Ren.’_

_‘Really?’_

_‘He’s old.  He’ll get there, but he’s gonna take another century or two.’_

_‘I am only a week older than you, Eleo Ren.  Show some dignity and respect.’_

_‘Pft, we all know the likelihood of that happening.’_

_‘I can agree with that.’_

_‘Nobody asked you, Priss!’_

_‘Then don’t think it where I can hear it, dear.’_

_‘You are such a dick, Hathor…’_

_‘Ugh, don’t do that.  You never use my name.  It makes me worry I’ve overstepped.’_

_‘HathorHathorHathorHathorHathorHathor-’_

_‘Would you all mind disconnecting so I can slap him without a guilty conscience?’_

_‘Do you think the other knights were as messed up as we are?’_

_‘Probably were.  I know we all know about Queen Mittens.’_

_‘If following the will of darkness is madness…’_

_‘WE SHALL BEST THEM IN ALL THINGS BAR NONE!’_

_‘Ow…ow…’_

_‘T’was a mite loud…’_

_‘Apologies.’_

Kylo really, really wanted a pain killer.  Just a little more time and he could have some more.  They really should have just carried first aid kits with them, but they hadn’t and he really regretted it now.  He laid back and looked up at the sun and the sky through his visor as green leaves flashed by overhead.  If only he could have sat up to watch the countryside go by.  He would have liked to sit beside Hux as well, maybe with an arm around him.  Not being able to show physical affection felt so limiting, and unless Hux lay down beside him seeking out that attention, Kylo wouldn’t be able to give it. 

He listened to the other knights.  It was nearly impossible to stay silent.  Unless he cut himself off and detached his mind from their collective consciousness, he was going to naturally think of his own replies and opinions.  It was better than thinking about how much his body hurt and how frustrating it was not to be able to move. 

He ought to have died, he focused on that.  If it hadn’t been for Hux’s outburst he would have died.  He had felt all that darkness flowing around the General and being channelled into him, rapidly putting his body back together. 

He couldn’t help wondering if this was why his Master had approved.  In retrospect it did strike him as odd that Supreme Leader Snoke would allow one of his General to go on what could have turned into a suicide mission.  Perhaps in his wisdom he had foreseen that they would survive and reasoned that it would be safe for Hux to accompany them.  Perhaps he had even seen that Hux’s natural alignment would benefit the knights somehow.  Now that he had seen the power Hux could unleash, it became obvious that his power could be of use. 

…was that what Snoke had been counting on?  Using Hux as a magnet for darkness, and consequentially a living battery? 

He had to know about the Force around Hux.  It was impossible for Kylo not to feel it, so if Snoke had ever been in the same room as Hux, he would have felt it too for certain.  His Master had brought the Knights of Ren together, so it wasn’t a stretch for Kylo to think that Hux had been stationed where he would be noticed by them and consequentially selected as Queen of Ren. 

No…for that the Supreme Leader would have had to have foreseen that all of them would like Hux, at the very least.  He might have seen Hux’s dark affinity, but to find a person who had that affinity, and the necessary qualities to build connections with each of them, and to top it all off was brilliant enough to be a General…his Master couldn’t have predicted all of it from his first meeting with Hux.  He couldn’t have.  But to have brought such a person into their lives…

Perhaps it was all just the will of the Force.  The thought of his Master setting him up with Hux so the General could be his personal battery was a disturbing one. 

_“Our master is strong, but I agree, I don’t like thinking about him and sex in the same vein…”_

_“Ew!  Ew now I’m thinking about it and it’s gross!”_

_“So gross…ugh…”_

_“I didn’t force any of you to imagine anything!  You all did that to yourselves!’_


	52. Out of the Bag

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sick again. Blech...

Hux didn’t really have the heart to bother the knights.  He knew from their silence that they all must have been speaking in their own way to each other.  It would be easy to interrupt, all he would have to do was point out that he was left out of their conversation and they would either stop or include him.  It didn’t feel right though.  He was slowly coming to terms with what had transpired in the Temple, he couldn’t help feeling that he was overstepping his bounds; that he didn’t belong, truly.  Closeness to anyone was more frightening than ever.

It shouldn’t have had to feel this way at all.  He had been trained, programmed not to form attachments, and Hux supposed it could be reversed, but it would take time.  He thought back on how lax he had been before the Temple.  If asked, he would have said he liked the knights, and that he and Kylo were close.  He supposed by his usual standards they were close…but now things had changed.  He felt his fondness for Kylo had grown too intense.  He’d never felt anything like it before.  And the knights…he more than liked them now.  The thought of something happening to any of them froze his blood in his veins. 

And with that closeness came fear; fear that he would have to choose between the Knights and the Order.  Fear of inadequacy.  Fear that they might find someone else to be their vessel, someone with less emotional baggage to bog them down.  He was compromised, completely and utterly.  His attachment gave him a weakness that could be exploited and Hux was terrified that someday it would be. 

People often told him it was useless to worry himself over things that were far off, but he couldn’t stop.  They were possibilities that could come to pass and he knew he would need to be prepared in case they did.  He supposed before his conditioning was undone he would have been upset if some sort of harm befell the knights but now…he was positive it would be devastating, and the only answer he had to that sort of pain, the only one he knew, was reconditioning. 

Yet even that now carried its own risks… 

He still couldn’t choose between the two.  He didn’t want reconditioning, but he didn’t want to leave himself open to weakness.  But if he conditioned himself, he would give himself a massive blind spot, with a vulnerability others could exploit while he was unaware of its existence.  There was no perfect solution.  He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. 

He needed help, he couldn’t decide on his own.  He had a good idea of what the knights wanted, and he knew what anyone in the Order would advise him to do, but he couldn’t choose.  He had weighed both options and couldn’t choose either.  There was no neutral party he could go to for an unbiased opinion, and the people Hux knew he could rely on…would they help?  He still wasn’t certain that he was comfortable being weak or vulnerable in front of others… 

But there was no time for that.  They would get on the shuttle, go home and then…then he supposed he would have to make his choice.  How was he going to do this?  Flip a coin?  Create a new kind of probability software to figure out which choice was more likely to lead to failure?  Run a few simulations?  If he chose conditioning he didn’t know if the knights would accept him, and if he chose to go without it he would be a perfect hypocrite.  Neither felt right. 

He blinked as unfiltered light flooded his field of vision.  Gaius had pulled the veiled hat off his head and tugged on his head, _‘I thought you fell asleep.  You weren’t responding to anything.’_

“Sorry,” mumbled Hux.  Had he dozed off?  He couldn’t tell.  Sometimes he went so deep into thought that he couldn’t tell if he was dreaming or living. 

 _‘Well, we’re here.  The others are helping Kylo…we could use help with the IV.  Eleo wants to set it up, but Hathor says his hands are too dirty,’_ explained Gaius.

“I suppose something like that was bound to happen,” sighed Hux.  The knights couldn’t go five minutes without antics of some kind ensuing. 

The transport pilot gave him a slight, nodding bow that Hux returned as he passed.  He could see Mako lingering at the top of the gangplank, looking out on his planet before his departure.  Hux couldn’t begin to imagine what was going through his mind; leaving his family and childhood home and being crammed into the tight spaces he hated so much.  Gaius bounded past him without pause, so perhaps Mako wasn’t as melancholic about leaving as Hux assumed him to be. 

He asked as he passed the knight, “How is everything proceeding?” 

He heard a slight laugh from behind Mako’s mask, “Quips, quandaries and quarrels as is consistent for my companions.” 

“I think I understood that…” Hux muttered, “And you’ll be alright?”

“I don’t believe my fear is one that can be bested, however…there are more potent things deserving of fear,” said Mako. 

Hux nodded.  He supposed after witnessing the horrors of the temple, claustrophobia was the least of the knight’s worries.  Hux paused though.  Perhaps Mako would be a good person to ask, “Mako…how do you manage a constant, chronic fear?” 

“It hinders not my ability on the field of battle,” assured Mako, hesitantly adding, “Mostly…” 

“That wasn’t quite what I meant.  I suppose I was asking, does it lessen with time?  How do you cope with it, in terms of daily life,” Hux repeated. 

“Ha ha, so long as walls press not closely,” said Mako lightly, “Though…it shames me when it shatters my courage.  I believe I’ve failed my dearest companions.” 

It was the most straightforward Hux had heard Mako speak.  He shook his head, “You passed the test, you received your victory token, that should be all that matters.” 

Mako reached up and removed his mask for a moment.  He smiled softly and looked up at Hux, meeting his eyes levelly, “As did you.  Certain weaknesses cause the victory to ring hollow.” 

He wasn’t wrong.  He himself kept agonizing over things he had done during his trial.  Mako must have had a similar moment, perhaps doing or saying something that he was ashamed of.  He had been focused on fighting alongside Gaius, so he hadn’t really been paying attention beyond basic positioning and whether or not the objective had been achieved. 

“Fear ne’er quits,” confessed Mako, “But those we love help us to manage.” 

Those he loved…but Hux’s fears were so deeply tied to the people he loved.  He didn’t want to bother them, he was afraid that they might reject him. So many things could go horribly wrong if he exposed himself to that sort of pain.  It was terrifying, and with his feelings as intensified as they were it was unbearable. 

“It comes in time, as all things do,” promised Mako.  He gestured into the craft, “But for now, perhaps our Rose of War might settle another conflict?” 

“For the last time you are filthy and greasy and nowhere near sterile enough to do this!” 

“I wiped off my hands!” 

“On your grimy robes!  I can feel the dirt under your nails!” 

“Ah, yes, that…” noted Hux. 

He peered around the corner and saw Hathor and Eleo at each other over Kylo’s semi-prone body.  He resisted the urge to roll his eyes, and curiously, the urge to smile.  Why was he wanting to smile at this?  There was nothing really funny about it, not really.  It was familiar though, and even though it wasn’t amusing or even entertaining, that sameness brought relief and comfort. 

He could hear the gangplank retract as he stepped off of it, and Mako quickly make his way to the cockpit.  Judging from the way Hathor backed off slightly and would often glance in his lover’s direction meant they might be leaving in a few minutes.  Hux waved both knights off, “Here, I’ll take care of this.” 

“Just as well,” huffed Hathor, stalking towards the cockpit at a quick pace. 

“Whatever,” muttered Eleo, “Better strap in for takeoff soon, Red.” 

“After this,” said Hux. 

As he began to set up the IV, he couldn’t help noticing that E’Chon was still sitting in that stiff, unnatural way.  He was hiding something, and he supposed only time would tell what it was. 

   ***  

_‘Did any of you guys see what drugs he’s about to pump me full of?’_

_‘Pain-killers and muscle relaxants.  You’ll probably get a little loopy.’_

_‘Like…drunk-loopy or seeing pink Banthas loopy?’_

_‘Sleepy and lethargic, I assume.’_

_‘Good, I wouldn’t want to hallucinate something into Mako’s brain while he’s flying…’_

_‘Like when Seigurd took those death sticks?’_

_‘The Force willed it!’_

_‘Of course it did, grandpa.’_

_‘Do you think he noticed the cat?’_

_‘I think he did, dear.  He’s pretty observant.’_

_‘I was hoping it would be at least a little surprised…Do you think he will be?’_

_‘Unless his mighty brain has made that deduction!’_

_‘I doubt in truth his mind can strike so small a mark.’_

_‘So he knows, just maybe not that it’s a cat?’_

_‘Verily.’_

_‘Its energy has become more erratic.  Once we have left the planet’s atmosphere we ought to release it.’_

_‘Yeah…poor kitty.’_

_‘Kitty…kitty…pretty kitties…’_

_‘Oh, those feel like good drugs.’_

_‘…Nice drugs…gooooOOOOoooood drugs…’_

_‘Yeah, sorry, we’ve got to let you go before that shit starts getting to us too.’_

_‘AaaaaaaAAAaaawww…come back guuuuuuuyyyyysss…’_

Being on serious pain killers was always a strange feeling for Kylo.  He was awake, he was conscious, his mind was still functioning, and yet, he couldn’t focus.  All he really had was the moment he was in, because seconds later he might not be able to remember what he was doing exactly.  It was a little bit like floating.  It also wasn’t as if his body had gone numb, he could still feel his clothing and the hard bench under his body.  He could feel the lurch of going through takeoff and the pressure of the straps keeping him safe as they reached escape velocity. 

He could also feel when he was unstrapped and told by Seigurd that, “Even if the Force wills it…moving is inadvisable.” 

It was weird to hear that from Seigurd, but it made sense.  If he fell with his back still in dire need of a brace he could do some serious damage.  He supposed technically he didn’t need his body to use the Force, and prosthetics could be acquired, but…there was a reason that it would be bad, but Kylo couldn’t put his finger on it at that moment.  It was just something he shouldn’t do. 

What should he do…?  He knew there was something he had to do.  Something that he had to wait to get into space to do.  He tried to figure it out.  It wasn’t lying down, he was doing that and knew he had to keep doing that.  Was it contacting his Master?  No, Snoke would likely know everything before they opened a channel for transmission.  There was something, but he couldn’t figure it out over that persistent clicking and scratching noise. 

With a furrowed brow, Hux looked about asking, “What’s that sound?” 

That was when Kylo realized, “Kitty!” 

Hux looked over at him with concern and confusion, “I gave him the correct dosage?  Didn’t give him brain damage did I?” 

“No, kitty!  There’s a kitty for you!” Kylo exclaimed, or rather tried to exclaim.  The sound came out a bit less enthused than he wanted to be. 

Hux glanced at each knight in turn, “What’s he groaning about?” 

“We should probably let the poor little guy out of that cage anyways.  He’ll be getting squirrely,” said Eleo, “Hey Big Guy, move your legs.” 

E’Chon stood, and stepping aside revealed the little cat carrier.  Kylo could feel amid his muddle musings a sharp spike of surprise flooding the shuttle.  Obviously Hux hadn’t been expecting it to be a cat.  E’Chon picked up the crate and began plucking at the latch on the front, “It is sure to grow into a mighty warrior!” 

“It’s a cat…it’s probably going to be a lazy bum,” muttered Eleo. 

“A fine warrior!  One worthy of our General!” insisted E’Chon. 

Hux took a step back and shouted, “YOU _STOLE_ A CAT!?” 

“Technically no, Mako’s a prince, so he’s allowed to give them away,” said Hathor, resisting a laugh at Hux’s exasperation. 

Gaius grabbed on to Hux and was probably reassuring him.  Hux looked at all the knights and then at the cat.  It didn’t surprise Kylo when he started rambling, though that might have been the drugs, “I…what am I supposed to _feed_ it!?  Where will it sleep!?  It will be on a war ship!  What will we do if there’s an emergency!?  Can you train a cat to evacuate!?  Can you!?” 

“Hux…stop thinking and pet the kitty,” said Kylo lethargically. 

“Stop thinking!?  STOP THINKING!?  We need to bring it back!  We can’t bring a cat on a Star Destroyer!” shouted Hux.  

“…you’re really worried about it huh?” 

For the first time in a while, Hux seemed genuinely scared. 

   ***  

It was irresponsible!  It was completely and totally disregarding the small creature’s interests!  If something happened then it would be trapped!  He couldn’t put an officer or Stormtrooper in charge of evacuating it.  That was the exact sort of selfish thing he so often decried.  If he couldn’t train it to leave when it heard an alarm, then it had no business being on a ship. 

He pursed his lips as he looked about.  Why did none of the knights see this as a problem?  He couldn’t take care of this creature.  He had no experience aside from holding one and didn’t have any of the basic necessities that it would need…that was another problem.  How was he supposed to remove its waste?  Would it need something, some sort of special area to use for that sort of thing? 

Worried?  Yes, he was worried.  He couldn’t imagine what he was going to do now, or why the knights were so calm about all of this. 

“Yes, I am worried, that’s why we need to bring it back,” said Hux, trying to be calm, “I can’t make any sort of life for it.” 

 _‘I read about Admirals who had pets…we thought you’d really like it,’_ explained Gaius. 

It felt bad to reject the gift, but he couldn’t accept.  He shook his head, “I do…I just can’t keep it.  It would be happier on Heian.” 

“General, honey, remember what we talked about,” said Hathor, “We don’t get to choose when we lose someone, or how it happens, but are you going to shut something down before it starts because you know it might end.” 

“This isn’t about that,” said Hux, though he wasn’t sure.  He supposed anything could happen on Heian; accidents, illnesses, but it had other cats.  It had plenty of food and people to care for it.  He didn’t have anything he could offer that could possibly be better than that.  He didn’t…deserve it. 

E’Chon was still holding out the cat, which was starting to squirm, having been suspended in the air proudly for quite some time.  Hux reached out and took it, sighing, “I understand what you were all trying to do for me, but it’s not fair to the cat.  I can’t give it a good life.  I’m busy, I can’t care for it, and I don’t have any of the things it needs.” 

“That’s taken care of,” said Eleo, “We’ve got you enough stuff to get started, and if you need more, you can get more in a few weeks.” 

“They’re also raised to be given away,” noted Hathor, “Even if you don’t keep her, she wouldn’t stay at the palace for long.” 

“Verily, few remain a few score of days after they are born,” Mako called from the cockpit. 

“But they’d have a home, a stable one where someone would care for them,” argued Hux, “As much as I hate to think about it, we could get blown out of the sky at any time, either by an attack or severe malfunction.” 

“Hux, honey, it’s okay,” assured Hathor, taking him by the shoulders, “It’s okay, I promise.  You shouldn’t have to think about it.  Just…be a little selfish.  Besides, if you keep her, even if she has a short life you know she’ll be loved.  If we send her back we don’t know that.” 

“I just…Molly, I…I can’t do that again.  I can’t hurt one again, I can’t,” said Hux quietly.

He couldn’t.  He had all of these memories of trying so hard to care for something and then…he couldn’t.  He didn’t want to raise something just so he could hurt it.  He was going to make the cat miserable.  It would be unhappy with him.  He was taking her away from a stable, happy life and putting her in danger. 

 _‘I think you need her,’_ Gaius voice chimed in, _‘I really do…’_

It was so selfish though.  He didn’t deserve it.  He didn’t.  He’d done terrible things and was only going to do more terrible things.  He didn’t deserve to be happy… 

“Yes you do.” 

Kylo spoke languidly, probably from the drugs.  Hux watched his arm flop upwards in a way that was hardly sober and point at himself, “As your co-commander, I’m rec…reccoo...suggesting use of a therapy animal.” 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Hux, holding the kitten close, “What is that, some sort of New Republic placebo drivel?” 

“It’s a viable alternative to reconditioning,” said Hathor, musing to himself, “And a fairly covert one at that.  Nobody else will know she’s anything more than a pet.” 

“More than that, I believe we’re unable to turn around at this point if we don’t want to keep our Master waiting,” Seigurd chimed in.  He looked at Hux, strangely, the General thought to himself, a bit like he first had when he scanned him upon their first meeting.  Granted he hadn’t seen Seigurd’s face, but he got the same odd feeling.  The knight continued, “You may consider your decision.  Please consider what feels the most natural, no matter how ‘selfish’ it may seem.” 

   *** 

_‘…Holy shit Seigurd said PLEASE.’_

_‘HE DID INDEED!’_

_‘…it’s not such a rare phenomenon…’_

**_‘YES IT IS!!!’_ **

_‘Pinch me, I must have dreamed that…’_

_‘Pinching isn’t good for the skin.’_

_‘Ugh, whatever, Priss.’_


	53. Judge Dread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave you guys on a cliffhanger. This was all I had time to write this week :(

The kitten snuggled up against him, oblivious to the serious amount of trouble she was in.  Hux wondered what he ought to do with it.  If he wanted to send her back to Heian, then he would have to wait until he reached the Finalizer to do so.  He couldn’t just show up unannounced on Heian again, but he could give her to an ambassador and have them return the kitten during their annual visit.  It was sure to cause some trouble, but it might be better for the kitten in the end.  That visit was a long ways off though, and he couldn’t just give the cat away for someone else to care for while they waited. 

She leapt off of his lap and began to dart about, now free from the confines of her crate.  Hux thought about following her, but he decided not to.  There was no trouble for her to get into here.  The worst she might do is try to settle in Mako’s lap while he was flying.  She looked about, meowing at each knight as she passed them and looked for a good place to nest. 

It seemed he would be stuck with her for the better part of a year at least.  In that time he would have to figure out how to cat-proof the Finalizer.  The kitten would stay in his room, but if she got out, and judging from her curiosity and nimble movements she was going to get out, he would have to make necessary preparations.  She would need a tracker, first and foremost.  That way he would be able to find her if she got herself lost.  She would need to be introduced to a handful of crew members, in case Hux required someone else to find her.  If she hadn’t had them she would need vaccines, so he needed to plan shore leave to take her to a vet… 

He could keep her, couldn’t he?  Every logical brain cell in his head screamed at him that it was the most illogical course of action that he could take, but he wanted her.  He liked the cat, but he couldn’t bring himself to be selfish enough to accept her.  He felt as if he would ruin her life if he kept her. 

As she sniffed at E’Chon’s boot and rubbed her face against it, she didn’t seem upset.  It was hard to tell with cats.  Dogs wagged their tails and made a whole range of sounds, but aside from the occasional mewl, the kitten was quiet.  Hux supposed if she was miserable she would let them know it.  He would have to research cats and how they displayed their moods.  In the meantime though, she didn’t seem sad to be on a cramped shuttle so, was it alright? 

Hathor told him to be selfish.  Kylo wanted him to keep her.  Gaius seemed as if he would be crushed if Hux refused.  Everyone wanted him to keep her, and she didn’t seem averse to staying.  Did that mean he could keep her?  He just didn’t want to hurt her the way he had before. 

And what of his reconditioning?  Could he care for her if he chose to go through with it?  He would become the way he was before, he supposed, detached, unable to fully care about anything but the Order.  He would care for the kitten, he wouldn’t hate her, but he wouldn’t love her either.  He would probably incorporate her into his routine and carry on as usual. 

He hadn’t really thought about how his conditioning would affect his relationships.  He’d considered it briefly, but he hadn’t contemplated it.  Before he would say that he liked Kylo, and that he liked the knights, but now everything was amplified so much that he realized that he hadn’t even felt a passing fancy towards Kylo.  He had liked kissing him, he liked that they were more agreeable with each other, but the thought of something bad happening to Kylo, while upsetting and inconvenient, wasn’t the absolute devastation it was now.  His conditioning prevented him from feeling the full and complete love that he was feeling now. 

Love… 

He glanced over at Kylo.  He loved him.  He hadn’t really thought about that either, not with that word.  He was horribly compromised by his feelings, but he didn’t want to lose them.  In practical terms the conditioning was a risk and left him with a massive blind spot, and on a more selfish level, he would forget how he felt.  He would forget all his feelings, and the memories attached to them would all go away.  He wouldn’t be able to feel these things again unless someone reversed his conditioning again. 

Such emotions had always been discouraged by the order, but they were essential to Ren’s, and unfortunately Hux had found himself a member of both.  His intense emotions, the ones in danger of consuming him, were beneficial with the knights.  Seigurd had used his emotions to blast down barriers and even to bring Kylo back from the brink of death.  Without those feelings Hux wasn’t sure where they would be now. 

Could he justify it?  Being the only First Order officer who was allowed to experience emotions at their fullest?  He tried not to give orders that he himself would never follow.  That was something that others had done and he had hated it.  It was for his duties…if someone else had the same position, was an assistant to the knights, and he was asked to allow them to be free from conditioning, what would he do? 

…argue the point, probably, if he was being completely honest with himself. 

But after the arguing, if the Supreme Leader and his Co-Commander deemed it a necessity, then he would have allowed it.  Perhaps he should consult with Leader Snoke when he returned.  He knew Kylo’s opinion, the knight seemed to think it was perfectly fine for him to keep these newly awakened feelings, but Kylo didn’t head the Order’s military.

Hux didn’t expect anyone to be completely unbiased, no doubt the Supreme Leader had his own agenda concerning the knights, but his ultimate goal was to rule the galaxy.  He needed a military to do that, and thus wouldn’t do anything to purposefully jeopardize the Order, not at this stage in their operations.  If it was necessary for Hux to keep these emotions, or if it would prove too much of a hazard, then he Supreme Leader would surely say something. 

That was what he would do.  He couldn’t choose.  He would leave it to the Supreme Leader’s judgement.  The knights would respect their Master’s decision and they had said it wouldn’t change anything.  Hux supposed that if he lost his emotions and the knights left him because of it…at least it wouldn’t hurt.  He wouldn’t feel it at all.  It would be mildly upsetting, but he wouldn’t lose sleep over it.  For now though, just imagining it made him feel alone and sick.  He knew what he wanted, but he couldn’t…he couldn’t take it.  As much as he wanted it he didn’t think he could allow himself to have them. 

Could he tell Kylo?  No, the knight looked like he was still too heavily sedated to talk seriously about anything.  All that was left was to go home and wait for judgement. 

He watched the cat continue to explore the shuttle, finding a heating unit to curl up on top of.  For now he would keep her, there was nothing else for it.  And once his fate had be decided, then hers would as well. 

Hux could only hope that if he was recommended to go to reconditioning, that his altered self would at least be kind to her. 

   ***  

When they returned, Hux watched the proceedings silently.   After forcing the kitten back in her crate, something she seemed loathe to do, they departed the shuttle.  For Hux it was comforting to return to his usual environment.  The set temperature and humidity were instantly recognizable.  He resisted the urge to take in a big gulping breath and sigh with relief.  He actually had to remind himself to nod a greeting to officers as they passed and welcomed him back. 

Hux immediately noted the difference between them and the knights.  He had thought that his relationship with his crew was adequate, but now it seemed cold, distant.  It was because of the change, he knew that, though that didn’t stop the sting. 

The meeting with Supreme Leader Snoke was done mostly in silence.  Hux stood by Kylo’s side, waiting to be addressed.  He could only assume that they were communicating through the Force.  Occasionally a knight would move, either bowing or stepping forward, but aside from that they remained quiet.  He waited for his turn to speak, not wanting to interrupt but not knowing if anyone was actually talking.  It was agonizing to wait without feeling able to draw attention to himself. 

_‘Your concerns are noted.’_

Hux gasped at Snoke entering his mind and tried to keep his thoughts quiet.  So…he knew.  He knew what Hux wanted to discuss and would give him further instruction.  He just had to wait.  Would he get a chance to tell- 

Kylo exited the room and the knights followed. 

 _‘No, come back!’_ Hux thought.  He couldn’t explain it, but he didn’t want to be alone.  He had been frightened by the Supreme Leader before, everyone was, but now it felt crushing.  He didn’t want to be left alone.  Being alone was-

_‘If your capacity for control has not left you, you will calm yourself General.’_

Control himself?  Yes, he could do that.  He could be calm.  He took a deep breath in through his nose and held it for a moment before exhaling.  With that done he felt a little calmer.  Why was he afraid?  There was nothing to lose, just these troublesome feelings…was that it?  He was afraid to lose his feelings? 

It…it was exactly that.  He didn’t want to lose them.  Faced with the very real possibility of being forced to part with them, he truly didn’t want to.  He knew what he wanted now but the decision was out of his hands. 

“What is to be done with you?” asked the Supreme Leader, as if Hux’s opinion mattered outside of military matters. 

He didn’t want to lose his feelings, but he knew it was the least logical decision for someone in his position.  No, perhaps if he showed he could control them, perhaps he could keep them.  Logic wasn’t even entering his thoughts anymore.  He was acting on an instinct that he hadn’t even known he possessed.  Something inside him was driving him to keep his emotions. 

“I…leave that to your judgement,” said Hux reluctantly. 

Snoke looked down at him scrutinizingly, his massive hologram actually leaning in slightly as he considered it. 

Hux closed his eyes and waited. 


	54. Slightly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late to work and sorry for a short chapter. Been working on Bona's fic in addition to this one.

_‘When’s he coming back?  I’m getting worried…’_

_‘You don’t think we might have said something that got him in trouble?’_

_‘I have my doubts.  We reported everything to our master truthfully.’_

_‘Could it be the thoughts that lie beneath the surface we bare to him?’_

_‘Subconscious thoughts?  …I don’t know.  Do you think he can hear them?’_

_‘Sometimes Kylo picks up on them, don’t you?’_

_‘The odd time, so I guess it’s possible that he heard us thinking about Hux in the background…’_

_‘But even at that, it was just worry, perfectly normal thoughts.  I don’t think the General would be in trouble because of those…Master of Ren…were you still a bit… er?”_

_‘Doped up?  Um… even if I was I think our Master could tell the difference between my usual thoughts and how I think when there’s something in my system.’_

_‘He was most disinterested in your thoughts on clouds!’_

_‘… thanks E’Chon.’_

_‘And the pink elephants within the clouds!’_

_‘Thank you E’Chon.’_

_‘And he was most disinterested with how you won the poker game against the-’_

_‘THANK YOU E’CHON!’_

Kylo lay back and tried not to groan.  The drugs were wearing off.  When they had fully left his system, or had mostly left, then he would start to feel the pain again and he would need more drugs.  A medical droid was standing by, monitoring silently, and would probably give him the medicine he needed based on the medical records in the database, his age and his metabolism.  He didn’t need anything at the moment, and a brace for his back was being constructed in the medical wing, so all he could really do was wait until it was finished and fitted. 

The others were waiting on a collection of mattresses that they had piled in the middle of the room.  He wanted to join them, but couldn’t in case he did anything to make his back even worse.  Instead he used everyone else’s nerves, simultaneously feeling everyone touching each other.  He could feel Gaius’ head on E’Chon’s leg, Mako and Hathor threatening to meld into each other, Seigurd’s hand tangling in Eleo’s messy hair while Eleo’s nails clicked against E’Chon’s armor.  All of the touch was comforting, and he was glad he could still feel it even though he couldn’t directly participate. 

It was also good to have something soothing while he worried over Hux.  From what he could remember of their conversation with their Master, Hux’s fate was mostly undecided.  They’d given their report, detailing successes, shortcomings, strengths and difficulties, and with that of course came the role that Hux had played in all of those events.  What Kylo hadn’t been able to figure out though was their Master’s stance on the changes Hux had gone through. 

While Kylo was typically open to everything his knights felt, communication with his master was more limited.  He could hear thoughts, sometimes an emotion if a point needed emphasis, but that was all.  There was no sense of touch, smell, taste, sight, smell or sound; there were only pure, disciplined thoughts.  In that way, communication was a simple task, but Kylo never knew what his Master really felt about much of anything.  In this case, where Snoke had the final say and Kylo was deeply invested in the outcome, he felt horribly anxious. 

_‘I don’t know how much longer I can take this…what if he’s getting reconditioned right now?’_

_‘If he is, we promised we’d respect his decision even if we don’t like it.’_

_‘Which we don’t.  I feel like it would be the worst idea ever…’_

At that moment, Hux entered.  He looked paler than usual, but seemed otherwise composed, stepping into the room with his usual icy stare.  He looked like he’d gone back to normal.  But normal for Hux was something that was conditioned… 

“Hux?” asked Kylo, calling over to him anxiously, “H-how did it go?” 

Hux glanced at him and said, “I needed to stop by the medical bay.  Sorry to keep you.” 

He strode over to the medical droid and opening a panel on it added, “I wanted to check your file and add a few more details to make sure things are accurate as possible.” 

“Hux, did you do it?” asked Kylo. 

Hux sighed a heavy breath through his nose and replied, “Slightly.” 

“Slightly?” repeated Hathor, rising from his place on Mako’s chest. 

“I took something to take the edge off, calm me down, keep certain feelings under control, but my memories are intact,” Hux explained. 

“Are…are you going to do it?” asked Kylo. 

Hux remained silent for a moment and closed up the droid, letting his hand slide off it and fall limply to his side, “He said it’s of no consequence.” 

It took a moment for Kylo to figure out that ‘he’ meant their Master.  Hux had asked Snoke for advice?  Since the Supreme Leader, as Hux called him, controlled the First Order, that made sense, but it still surprised Kylo that Hux would willingly entrust such a personal decision to someone else.  Then again, being in the military, most of Hux’s personal decisions were made by regulations and protocol. 

“So that means…?” asked Eleo, sitting up and watching Hux skeptically. 

“It means I’m going to have to choose,” said Hux, “And I still…I’m not sure if I can go through with it.  I know which one I want, but going through with either decision has its disadvantages and if I decide not to do it then it’ll be…” 

Kylo could imagine the end to that sentence: a hypocrite.  He’d seen most people in the First Order break rules.  Just small, inconsequential things like being out a little after a curfew or Stormtroopers in training sneaking a little bit of alcohol back to their quarters.  When more important rules were broken, there were reprocussions, and something like refusing reconditioning was considered a major infraction.  If Hux refused and his crew discovered his secret, he would have to answer to them.  He would need t have a very good reason for refusing to do something he expected everyone under his command to do. 

His knights, who were slightly less shocked, instantly provided him with defenses Hux could use. 

_‘He is our vessel, our Queen.  To function at his full capacity, the ability to feel deeply is of the utmost importance.’_

_‘Should he allow his mind to shroud itself once more, He will not take the field with us, being source to our might in sure.’_

_‘Um …what?’_

_‘He said if the General reconditions himself, he won’t be able to provide us with a boost on missions like he did when Seigurd healed Kylo.’_

_‘If he does it too much he might damage his mind, and if he causes damage he won’t be able to make plans anymore!  Nobody else seems to be as good as him.’_

_‘My smallest brother is right!  He is a most laudable tactician!’_

_‘I know that, and you guys know that but…as much as I like him, he’s a stubborn ass.’_

‘Stubborn ass’ was putting it lightly. Hux might want something, but he was going to need a lot of coaxing, or even strong arming, to get him to take what he wanted.  When it came to power, Hux had no trouble exerting himself and grasping it, but smaller things like an extra hour of sleep or a hot bath would make Hux cringe, hesitate and question if he really deserved those simple pleasures. 

“Here, we set up some things for your kitten.  Why don’t we have a look?” said Hathor, rising to his feet with effortless grace and holding out a hand.  “You’ll need to learn how to change her litter and about what foods she can eat.” 

Hux frowned a little, “I’m still not certain this is the best place for her.” 

“They’re fairly apathetic creatures.  They’d be just as content being pampered in a palace as they would in a storage room full of boxes,” said Hathor dismissively.  After a moment’s thought he added, “Actually, I think they like empty boxes the best.  If you’re ever in doubt, just give her a box to sit in.” 

Hux seemed confused by this, but thanks to memories of Mako's childhood, Kylo could feel the knights sifting through examples of cats turning up their noses at expensive toys, only to gleefully play into the cheap boxes their treasures had arrived in.  Kylo watched Hux look around for the kitten, trying to keep his straight-backed, uniform dignity as he examined furniture for traces of fur and checked inside cabinets and cupboards for her.  In the end he found her at the back of an open cabinet, hiding behind a bag of unground caf beans. 

It took some effort for Hux to pull her out, scolding quietly, “No, no… not where we keep food.” 

Hathor pointed down at a box that had been set up in the corner, “Now, this is her litter box, you’re going to want to clean it a few times a week, once at the bare minimum, and this bag here is full of the food she’ll need.  You can find it most places that sell pet care items.  We didn’t bring any toys, but we figured you would want to pick those out yourself.” 

Hux emitted simultaneous waves of curiosity and terror at the idea of picking out something for his cat.  Something that suited him and expressed his feelings for the little kitten.  Kylo also noticed something different about the waves of emotion Hux emitted; they were stronger, purer.  Without any restraints to hold him back, it was like he was empathically sensing a different, stronger being.  It was still the same Hux, but he’d changed.  He felt whole like this, as frightened and inquisitive as he was. 

“How am I supposed to know what the right ones are?” asked Hux, though not unkindly.  He seemed genuinely concerned that he might choose the wrong toy. 

“They’re happy with just about anything.  You’ll learn what she likes best soon enough,” assured Hathor.  The knight seemed to be resisting a laugh, “Really.  Raising her will be nowhere near as difficult as raising your troops.  I promise.” 

Hux let out a sigh and put the cat down.  Kylo could sense how offended she was at being pried from her hiding place and her haughty determination to seek out another one.  Noticing the door to the bathroom was open, she made a beeline towards it, eager to find a new place to explore and nest in. 

Eleo noticed through Kylo’s sight and sent out a thought, _‘Our stuff is going to wind up covered in orange hair, isn’t it?’_

_‘Yep.’_


	55. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter again as I'm moving into a new apartment. Death and Taxes may also be postponed due to moving all these damned boxes.

Hux was still terrified for the kitten.  What would happen if she got loose?  How could he train her to evacuate herself?  How was he going to keep her from destroying anything important?  He quickly did a search on the holonet, looking for ways to curb her instinct to periodically sharpen her claws against a wall.  Apparently her claws could be removed, but the procedure could be damaging for her paws.  There were sprays he could purchase, with scents that could keep her away, so he supposed that would be his course of action for now. 

Another apparent problem was her fur.  She shed everywhere, and soon he could spot little ginger hairs everywhere.  He would have to take great care to keep her away from his clothing, and possibly start making even more use of his lint roller. 

The knights lay in a pile on the floor and Hux wondered if Mako was homesick already.  Hux had thought himself very good at reading people’s expressions, but after being part of the knight’s connection he could now see that his skills paled in comparison.  He could guess tha Mako was pensive, but he had no idea what he was thinking about.  A long time ago, when he first heard of the Force, he had thought that he would like to have those powers, but knew it was impossible for him, so concentrated on things he could improve and soon forgot all about having special abilities.  Now that he’d experienced them through the knights, it felt very strange that he didn’t have Force sensitivity.  He experimentally lifted his fingers, fixing his gaze on a spoon on the kitchenette counter. 

It didn’t move.  Not so much as a wiggle. 

It was silly.  He was Force-Null.  Surely something in the Temple would have picked up on any dormant abilities if he had them.  He was just a regular human, completely unremarkable. 

The kitten was still exploring.  She had sat in the bathtub for a long time, and then gotten out to perch on the toilet and the counter.  She had tried lapping at the faucets, trying to get droplets of water.  Hux gave her a bowl with water, but for whatever reason she liked the faucets much better.  Once she was finished exploring the bathroom, she returned to the suite and went from knight to knight, sniffing each in turn, as if making sure that all of her humans were present and accounted for.  She also seemed intent on trying to get Kylo’s attention, even though he was the one who was least able to move or pay her any attention. 

Hux sat down and pulled the kitten away.  Holding her and stroking her fur.  Once she was in someone’s lap she didn’t seem too want to squirm away, which from what Hux had observed was unusual for cats.  Most of the others were curious and independent, moving on from people when they felt like it, rather than staying for as long as a human wanted to hold them.  Hux suspected that she might have had some training, but he also guessed if she had, Mako would never have been allowed to take such an important cat. 

Assuming Mako even asked for permission.  Hux suspected that he hadn’t, but it couldn’t be helped…and he was willing to admit that despite stealing being very wrong, it was a sweet gesture. 

He glanced over and seeing how the knight still seemed lost in thought, Hux didn’t have the heart to ask where the cat came from.  When he thought about it, when Mako wasn’t expositing poetry, he seemed to be lost in thought.  That was how Hux had found him in the library when they first met. 

They’d all been so open to him it seemed.  They’d been completely transparent with him, though in Kylo’s case he had been a little inept at getting the words out.  Hux had been as honest as he could with them, though there had been things about himself that he hadn’t known at the time.  It was a bit unnerving just how upfront they had been straight away with him.  Most of the time he liked to keep most of his cards tight up against his chest, and most people he’d met had been the same. 

Loosening his arms from around the cat he asked, “Do you need to do that thing?” 

“What thing?” asked Eleo. 

“You know, that…thing,” asked Hux. 

“We do many things!” declared E’Chon. 

“Well, yes, I know that.  I meant that thing that you did last time,” Hux tried to explain. 

“Concurrence?” offered Gaius tapping Hux on the knee. 

“Yes, that was the one,” said Hux, “Do you need to do that?” 

Hathor glanced at Mako, the two of them sharing looks, and most likely thoughts, of surprise.  The Atem knight looked back at Hux with some concern, “Are you sure?  We know you aren’t really used to it, or the touching and attention.” 

“I’m aware, but I feel like I owe it to you,” said Hux. 

“It is not an obligation, this feeling should come from your own natural desire,” Seigurd explained. 

“It’s my desire to pay back what I owe.  You’ve all been… very accommodating with these changes I’ve been going through, and I feel I’ve behaved quite poorly.  I’d like to make up for it,” said Hux.

“You had your head messed with.  Anybody would be moody,” replied Eleo, “Don’t worry about it.  I mean, I’m the king of angry outbursts.” 

“No, our master is king of tantrums!” announced E’Chon. 

Kylo groaned and drew his hand over his face, “Thank you E’Chon…” 

“You are most welcome!” replied the big knight, with a very satisfied smile on his face. 

“In any case, I want to do this.  I want to make up for my outbursts and more than that, I want to help,” said Hux.  More than anything the Temple had been a lesson in helplessness, fighting to provide assistance only to be undermined over and over again.  Trying to be useful and having every attempt to be valuable thwarted.  In the end they’d won, with one final success of sorts, but the whole process had taught him to take full advantage and help when it was in his power to do so. 

Though he didn’t say anything, the knights seemed to sense his need.  Hux knew they wouldn’t be reading his thoughts, but their empathic powers meant that they could sense his feelings and his wants.  They must have felt that he wanted to do this.  It wasn’t the sort of need that he figured he was supposed to feel.  Seigurd seemed to describe it like a selfish, spontaneous impulse, not the all consuming need to be useful fed by anxiety and shame. 

“You’ve really got to stop overthinking this,” chided Kylo, “If you want to, that’s fine.  You don’t need to justify it to us.” 

Hux crossed his arms and felt warm blood rush to his face, his frustration and embarrassment suddenly boiling over, “I’m new to this!  You can’t expect me to know what’s fine and what isn’t.” 

“That’s why I was telling you,” said Kylo, exasperation creeping into his voice. 

“Well you could have watched your tone!” snapped Hux. 

   *** 

_‘Good to see you two are back to normal.’_

_‘I wish ‘at each other’s throats’ wasn’t our default…’_

_‘It takes two, Master of Ren, you aren’t exactly doing anything to change things.’_

_‘It’s more his fault than mine!’_

_‘Uh-huh…’_

_“It is!’_

_‘Yep, suuuuure is.’_

_‘I am the Master of Ren!  I am strongest in the Force and I say that all of our fights are mostly on Hux!’_

_‘That’s not how the Force works!’_

_‘Well, if nobody else will attend the beauteous one…’_

***  

Kylo felt Mako sit up and shift so he could wrap his arms around Hux and pull him down onto the mess of mattresses.  Hux felt warm against Mako, and he could feel his knights shifting to make some room.  Though Hux was getting much, much better at accepting physical contact, he still always felt nervous and excited about it.  Mako nuzzled against Hux and declared, “I for one am flattered by such attentions from our flower of battle.” 

“Hm, if the Master of Ren is just going to disparage him, I suppose we could keep him for ourselves,” added Hathor, running a hand through Hux’s hair. 

“You two are walking a very fine line…” growled Kylo. 

“I’m… still not sure how that works,” said Hux, “Aren’t the two of you…?” 

Hathor immediately picked up on what he was asking and excitedly replied, “Oh no, it’s nothing like the way you’re thinking of it.  If I slept with someone without Mako knowing and approving, that would be wrong of me, but since we both like you and we’re both open to the possibility of… oh, oh dear I didn’t mean to get you flustered.” 

Hux had been warm before, but now he was radiating heat, especially from his face, at the idea of the proposition.  He couldn’t catch Hux’s thoughts, but he was flooding the room with embarrassment, shock but most interestingly, curiosity.  Was Hux alright with that?  Kylo imagined ‘alright’ was a strong word at the moment, but curiosity meant the potential for openness and desire for exploration. 

Hathor added apologetically, “Sorry, I suppose I just got excited…” 

“N-No, it’s alright, I did ask,” replied Hux awkwardly. 

_‘THAT WASN’T A NO!’_

_‘OW!  HOW DARE YOU REPEATEDLY CHASTISE MY VOLUME!?’_

_‘Would both of you put a sock in it!?’_

_‘But he didn’t say no!  He’s curious!  Oh my!  Oh my, oh my…’_

_‘The beauteous one may lie with us yet!’_

_‘He didn’t say yes either you guys…’_

_‘B-Besides!  You can’t sleep with Hux!_ **I** _haven’t even slept with Hux!’_

_‘Who else might he desire to…’_

_‘Oh shit, Seig, you’ve got it bad.’_

_‘He might!  And if he did I would not be opposed to sating his desires.’_

_‘He still didn’t say yes.  Don’t you think we’re all jumping the gun a bit?’_

_‘Just because you want him to take initiative with you-’_

_‘Th-that’s not it at all!’_

_‘Your desires are nothing to be ashamed of, young Gaius.’_

_‘STOP TALKING ABOUT SLEEPING WITH MY BOYFRIEND WHEN I HAVEN’T EVEN SLEPT WITH MY BOYFRIEND!’_

_‘That is the weirdest ‘me first’ I’ve ever heard…’_

“I hope you aren’t talking about what I think you’re talking about…’ muttered Hux. 

“Sorry dear, you just got us excited,” said Hathor, hugging Hux and nuzzling against him again, “I’m just happy you’d even consider it.” 

“I don’t know, it just makes sense.  If I do… that, with Kylo, even if the rest of you aren’t connected, you’ll probably see it if you poke around in his mind.  I know there would be no hiding it from any of you, and I know Kylo doesn’t mind you seeing and feeling what he experiences, so it just makes sense that I at least see this as an available option,” reasoned Hux. 

“Not to put a damper on things, but you’ve got to make sure it’s something you want to do, not something you feel obligated to do.  There’s no rule saying you have to sleep with all of us, so if it makes you feel weird, you don’t have to,” cautioned Eleo, “If you didn’t want us to go digging you know we wouldn’t.” 

“I’m…aware, but we’ve talked, and I’ve told him that it’s alright.  I trust you not to spread any sordid details,” said Hux. 

“But we haven’t talked about going father than that,” protested Kylo, shocked at how whiney his voice had suddenly become. 

“Bwahaha!  How headstrong our General is!” bellowed E’Chon, clapping Hux on the shoulder, “It is good for you to be this way!  Seize what you desire and conquer it!” 

 _‘Don’t push yourself.  We’ll be happy with you no matter what.  We love you,’_ assured Gaius, crawling out of E’Chon’s lap to lie on Hux’s legs. 

Hux started at that.  Kylo guessed he wasn’t used to hearing that someone loved him, something he hoped to amend.  He supposed he should tell Hux that he loved him more often, something he heard the knights instantly agree on. 

Hux put a hand on Gaius’ head and quietly replied, “I think I love you too.” 

All thoughts went silent at that, and at least for a few moments, their seven minds were filled with peace. 


	56. The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this fic isn't canon-compliant, but then, it never really was. 
> 
> Saying goodbye to the KoR for now, but if the need to write them strikes me I might bring them back. I hope this ending is okay. Was tempted to leave it last chapter, but wanted to wrap up a couple things. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this for the year and a half I've been posting. So many of you have left comments every chapter and I want you all to know that it means the world to me. I don't really know what the future of this fandom is in the advent of TLJ, but I'll always the memories of everyone being so kind and understanding through many of the worst moments of my life. 
> 
> Thank you.

“Kylo, Kylo, he’s doing it again!” 

Kylo groaned.  His body felt like lead from the strain of healing itself and the effect of the drugs on his brain.  He could move, but he knew he shouldn’t.  Unable to summon the strength to walk unassisted, he kept his eyes closed and hoped he could get back to sleep. 

“Kylo, his hand is on my ass!” 

“Just leave it, he’s comfy…” mumbled Kylo, “Go back to sleep Hux.” 

“Well I’m not comfy…” grumbled Hux. 

Groaning once again, Kylo sighed, “I can’t move.  What do you want me to do about it?  Just move his hand.” 

“He’s stuck between Hathor and Mako’s hands!” protested Hux. 

What?  Kylo looked down and saw Eleo’s hand, pinned down by Mako and Hathor’s which had both drifted lower during the night, their fingers entwined with each other over Hux’s… 

Kylo rolled on his back.  He wanted to place his hand over his face, but it was too much effort.  His mind was foggy so the Force was out of the question.  He could only shake his head slightly and grumbled, “When they wake up I’m going to kill them.” 

Sensing he was awake, the medical droid hovered over and began scanning him for any progress his wounds were making and any irregularities in his recovery.  It beeped with satisfaction when it saw that everything was in order, and let out a series of noises expressing that it was surprised with his recovery.  Force healing was quicker than allowing his body to do all the work, but it probably wasn’t something that droids were programmed to be able to identify.  In the meantime, it reported that it could lower the dosage of his medicines and that his back brace would be fitted as soon as he was ready to put it on. 

It could wait.  He just wanted to lie down for a moment.  It felt good to be home.  The Heian palace had been relaxing, but this was better.  It truly felt like everything was over and he could finally relax.  There was nothing left, it was all over. 

The sound of fabric rustling broke the silence.  Glancing to the side, Kylo saw Gaius stand up, try to smooth down his hair and yawned.  Covering his mouth before stretching, Kylo nearly jumped when he heard a voice in his mind,

‘ _Good morning.’_

Kylo’s jaw dropped slightly.  He hadn’t done anything to reach out or assist and Gaius had managed to reach him all on his own.  But Gaius hadn’t seemed to realize what he had done.  The knight instead rubbed at his eyes and stumbled off towards the fresher. 

Kylo looked down at Hux, “Did you hear that?” 

“I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment!” hissed Hux. 

Hux couldn’t hear?  It might have been because he was Force-Blind, or it may have been because his mind was engaged and wasn’t calm enough to be receptive to Gaius’ projection.  Either way, it was a massive amount of progress.  At first Gaius needed physical contact with everyone to project, then he could do it with no contact and some assistance, but only between Force-Users.  Now he was able to do it all by himself. 

Hopefully it wasn’t just a fluke.  Either way, Gaius was getting stronger, and that meant the Temple wasn’t a complete loss. 

When he heard more noise he saw Hux gingerly poking at Eleo, whispering urgently and trying desperately not to wake anyone, “Eleo…your hand.  Your hand, Eleo.  It’s on my arse…” 

Hux’s accent slipped slightly at the end and Kylo couldn’t help but grin at it.  Hux hissed up at him, “Kylo!  It’s not funny!  Stop that snickering at once!” 

“You’re adorable,” said Kylo. 

He heard Hux suck in a sharp gasp before letting out a deeply offended, “I am _not_!” 

At that moment Seigurd’s eyes snapped open and he said, “I sense a disturbance in the Force.  What happened?” 

“Hux has three hands on his ass,” explained Kylo. 

Seigurd sat up and surveyed the situation, “Ah, so there are.  Well, if it’s what the Force desires.” 

Seigurd leaned forward and patted Hux’s bottom, causing the General to squeak.  The knight pulled back, “None can resist the will of the Force… among other things.” 

 _‘Okay, that was funny, but seriously, he’s_ my _boyfriend.’_

_‘It was the will of the Force.’_

_‘Yes, I understand, but I’m the Master of the Knights of Ren, and he’s my boyfriend.’_

_‘But the Force willed it.’_

_‘…I see you’ve made progress but clearly not enough of it.’_

_‘I will do my best to improve, Master of Ren.’_

_‘Ugh…before you go to the ‘fresher, can you put on some caf before Eleo wakes up and tries to kill us all?’_

_‘It shall be done, my master.’_

Hux buried his face in E’Chon’s chest and groaned, giving up on his situation for the time being.  E’Chon reached up, barely awake, patted Hux’s head and then drifted back to sleep.  This felt good, it felt normal.  The memories were still there, but just for this morning, everyone seemed to have gotten back to their old selves, though hopefully a little wiser. 

   *** 

“And you’ll use the conditioner every day.” 

“Yes, Hathor.” 

“A-and you’ll be sure to scrub under your nails and press your cuticles!” 

“I’ll remember.” 

“And face masks once a week!” 

Hux sighed as the knight clasped his hands and blubbered self-care instructions at him.  His own step-mother hadn’t even made this much fuss when he’d gone off to start his training.  The knight pulled him close and clasped him in an embrace.  Looking about awkwardly, Hux could see that his officers were familiar enough with the knight’s eccentricities to ignore the scene, but he still felt his cheeks pinking.  Hathor added more quietly, “Take care of yourself, no matter what you choose.  Promise?” 

“I promise,” Hux whispered, wanting to keep his current condition a secret. 

Hathor let go, squeezing his shoulder, but unfortunately leaving him vulnerable to an assault by Mako.  The Heian knight, despite being shorter, was strong enough to nearly lift him off his feet, “My pearl, my dove!  We part in such sorrow!  I shall live for the day we are reunited evermore!” 

That caught nearly everyone’s attention and Hux tapped Mako’s shoulder, lightly and rapidly, as if he were a training partner for grappling and Hux wanted to be let up.  The knight let him down and Hux sighed, “I’ll look after myself, and I expect the two of you to do the same.” 

“Until we meet again, fair General!” called Mako, joining Hathor’s side. 

“And the Master of Ren as well.  Don’t let him do anything stupid!” called Hathor. 

“I’m not stupid!” roared Kylo. 

The two knights must have been grinning behind their masks, pulling each other along as they raced off to their shuttle.  Hux watched as they raced inside, feeling a strange tug in his heart that hadn’t been there any other time the knights had left him.  He felt a strange sensation in his eyes and found himself wanting to cry.  The idea of their absence for what could be a long time began to tear him apart from the inside.  No, he couldn’t cry.  Not here.  He had to control it. 

Next he was picked up by E’Chon, who swung him about a great deal in a tight embrace, “I SHALL MISS YOU MOST DEARLY MY FINE COMPANION!” 

Hux squeezed his eyes shut and his mouth formed a silent scream as his ears started to ring.  Even with his mask, E’Chon was horribly, horribly loud, and the double filter did nothing to assist.  He patted E’Chon’s arm and choked out, “I’ll miss you too…but…air!”

“Ah, yes.  Breathing is most important,” said the big knight, letting Hux down and straightening his uniform, “I encourage you to continue doing so.” 

“I should hope I do,” said Hux, cracking a slight smile, “Safe journeys, E’Chon.” 

His heart started to break all over again as E’Chon went to his shuttle, and Hux felt his stomach turning inside out as he kept looking back over his shoulder.  He was soon distracted by a firm slap to the back of his greatcoat, “Seriously, why do you where this?  It hides your good side.” 

“Because it prevents unwanted grabbing,” said Hux sternly. 

“Yeah…well…look, I’m not really good at this. So I’ll see you later, right?” asked the knight. 

He gave a wave, and Hux took that to mean that he didn’t want a hug goodbye.  Hux wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  Part of him wanted a hug, but part of him knew that he would be able to contain himself a little better if he didn’t.  He gave an acknowledging nod and replied, “I think we will.” 

The answer seemed to satisfy the knight, who nodded in turn and turned to go to his own ship.  It was then that Seigurd stepped in and asked, “Might I be permitted to put my arms around your person?” 

Hux arched his brow, “…why do you ask?”

“I’m attempting to improve.  May I make physical contact with your person?” asked Seigurd. 

“Y-yes?” replied Hux uncertainly. 

“Excellent, because the Force did will it,” said Seigurd, closing the space between them and embracing him. 

Hux was stunned that he’d been asked permission, but he was happy for it.  He put his arms around the knight and found that he would miss Seigurd.  He hadn’t understood the knight at first, with his strange manners and constant criticisms, but there was something genuine about him, and he really seemed to be making an effort to make him more comfortable.  He was going to miss Seigurd, though he found himself slightly astounded by that. 

The knight let go, “I thank you for your contributions.  I know they were not easy for you… and I thank you for my life.” 

That astounded Hux even more.  He was used to being thanked out of formality, but this felt so… heartfelt that it caused a strange, warm shiver, to run over his chest.  He barely managed to stammer out, “Y-you’re welcome.” 

Seigurd nodded and went away as well, leaving Gaius as the only knight he hadn’t said his farewells to.  He knew this would be the most difficult.  Hux felt he had a good friendship with Hathor, but Gaius was…different.  With Hathor he felt he could go to the knight if he had some sort of difficulty, but Gaius had a way of finding and helping him before the difficulty even started.  They had shared memories through the Force and Hux had been the first knight who he had met. 

“Have you all said goodbye to Kylo?” asked Hux. 

‘We will, in our own way,’ said Gaius, taking Hux’s hand.  After a moment his mind was filled with a quiet, ‘I don’t want to go…’ 

Hux didn’t want him to go either. 

“Do you have to?” asked Hux, before correcting himself, “No, I suppose you have some sort of assignment or mission to tend to.” 

 _‘With E’Chon…so, I do.  I just wish I could have stayed a little longer,’_ explained Gaius regretfully. 

“Well, you’ll be back, won’t you?” asked Hux, trying to seem less bothered than he really was. 

 _‘Yes, but I’m going to miss you a lot.  You’re the only one who can’t connect,’_ explained Gaius. 

Hux nodded, “I could always ask Kylo to pass on a message, and we do have holo communications.  We could figure out a way.” 

‘I hope so…I’ll miss you General,’ said the knight, wrapping his arms around Hux’s middle. 

“I’ll miss you too, Gaius,” said Hux, returning the gesture. 

He didn’t want to let go, but he knew he had to.  Gaius held him tight and didn’t release him either.  The parting was so upsetting that he really didn’t care who saw him or what they thought.  He was going to miss Gaius, and never having missed anyone before with the full force of his feelings in a very long time, he felt as if his insides were going to burst. 

Gaius finally loosed his grip, _‘We have to go…I’ll see you again someday.’_

“I’ll see you soon,” said Hux, though he wasn’t sure how soon that would be.  

As Gaius trotted off, shoving his fingers under his mask as he went, Hux watched each shuttle begin to take off.  He felt tears prick at his eyes as he found himself wanting more time.  He didn’t want them to go at all.  They had to though.  There were missions, and tomorrow Hux would have to return to his duties.  They couldn’t stay. 

One by one they ignited their engines, taking off and disappearing into hyperspace.  They were gone, really and truly.  Hux felt his mouth twitching and moved as quickly as he could towards the blast doors.  He was going to cry, he knew he was.  He had to get away before he started.  Displays of excessive emotion were deeply frowned upon.  If someone spotted him openly weeping then he might be reported to the Supreme Leader for erratic behaviour.  That woulc make things all sorts of complicated. 

Stalking down the halls, he kept his head down, hoping to be perceived as pensive or overtired, which would not be unusual in the slightest.  He didn’t really remember most of the walk, who he saw or which ways he turned.  His mind was on autopilot as he walked as fast as possible.  He had to fight back horrid, weak noises bubbling up in his throat. 

“Sir?” 

Had he been spotted?  Hux looked up to find his accuser, Captain Phasma, approaching quickly. 

“Yes, Captain?” asked Hux, hoping his voice didn’t sound too strained. 

“I located…this, outside my quarters,” said Phasma. 

Hux’s brow shot up immediately when she produced a large piece of black armor, one half the size of her helmet.  There was a note fixed to it, which Phasma read out loud, “I had no opportunity to seek out an appropriate offering.  Please accept this in the meantime.” 

If he had been in a better mood, Hux might have laughed.  He wondered when E’Chon had found the time to deliver it, or find someone to pass it along in his place.  He grinned slightly as he said, “That would be E’Chon Ren’s doing.” 

Phasma said nothing, indicating a level of confusion.  Hux elaborated, “The one you tossed on the ground.” 

“Yes, him, of course,” said Phasma, “Are you well, General?  Your eyes seem bruised.” 

Hux quickly replied, “Rough mission.” 

“I’m relieved you were successful,” said Phasma evenly. 

She was nowhere near as sincere as the knights, and why should she be?  Her words rang hollow, and it occurred to Hux that talking to his men wouldn’t be the same if he stayed as he was.  Something was missing and it was painfully obvious.  Hux nodded, “Thank you, Captain.  As you were.” 

The hollow feeling returned to his chest as Phasma continued to walk past, not stopping to press him for details or inquire if he truly was alright.  He doubted anyone would.  With their conditioning, troopers and officers weren’t expected to care for anything except the Order.  He was now painfully, hyper aware of that. 

He entered his quarters and was ready for the tears to come.  At first they did silently, then he started sobbing, openly weeping and was grateful for the soundproof doors.  He sat on the floor, ripping his gloves off and wiping at his eyes and nose.  It felt like there was a hole in his chest and it was never going to close. 

“Hux?  Hux, come here, I’ve got your cat.” 

He’d been so distraught he hadn’t even notice that Kylo was on the bed.  Under normal circumstances, someone helping Kylo to his quarters to lie on his bed would be suspect, but since they did have some business and Kylo couldn’t even sit up on his own, it was the most practical thing to do.  Hux wiped at his eyes and Kylo repeated, “I’d come to you but I can’t.” 

“I know.  I know, I’m coming,” said Hux, his breath hitching from all the crying. 

“It’s okay, take your time,” said Kylo quietly. 

Hux gave his eyes one final wipe before making his way to the bed.  He still had so much to focus on.  Kylo’s recovery, getting his cat settled, and…and coming to a decision. 

He slowly sat down next to Kylo, careful not to injure his back and sighed, “I don’t know if I can do this…” 

“My Master gave you the choice,” said Kylo. 

“I think it may be a test and he wants to know what I’ll do.  But more than that I don’t want to make the wrong choice,” said Hux. 

“Alright, let’s work this out.  You go through with it, what happens?” asked Kylo. 

Hux thought about it for a moment, replying, “Then…I won’t love anyone.  Not the way I do now.  It wouldn’t hinder my abilities as a General, but it will make me less able to provide you with support.” 

“Okay, and what would happen if you don’t?” asked Kylo. 

“If I don’t…I’ll still be able to work, but I’ll be less efficient,” said Hux. 

“Right, so, how can we make you more efficient like this?”

Kylo reached out, inviting Hux to hold hands with him.  The cat was settled on his chest, staring at Hux, likely alerted to his presence by his excessive crying.  Hux slipped his hand into Kylo’s, “I’d need… I’d need support.  I’d need to be able to retreat to a stable environment.” 

Kylo gave his hand a squeeze, “I could do that.  Once I can stand up.” 

Hux smiled slightly and felt like crying again, despite being happy.  He looked over at the kitten, “Does she have a name?” 

“No, she’s all yours,” said Kylo, “Any ideas?” 

Hux thought for a moment before saying, “Millicent.” 

Kylo’s kind look slipped into disbelief as he repeated, “Millicent?”

Hux forced himself to huff and said, “You promised to support me.” 

“I do, I will, just… _Millicent_?” he asked. 

“I like the name.  You’ll just have to get used to it,” said Hux, “I shouldn’t have to be the only one getting used to something.” 

Kylo rolled his eyes and Hux looked him over.  He wondered if he should broach the topic.  It wasn’t as if they could act at the moment, Kylo was incapacitated, but Hux still wanted to discuss it.  It was just…embarrassing.  It hadn’t been embarrassing before, well, perhaps a little, but now it seemed to be a thousand times more humiliating. 

“What is it?” asked Kylo knowingly. 

It was a risky move, but Hux took it, leaning over and giving Kylo an all-too-quick peck on the lips.  He sat up straight again and looked away.  He wasn’t sure what expression was on Kylo’s face, and didn’t think he wanted to know, “That.  And…perhaps more.” 

“More?” asked Kylo. 

“Possibly,” replied Hux, “If you’re open to it.” 

“Hux, if I didn’t have a broken back I would take you up on it right now,” said Kylo eagerly. 

Hux gathered the courage to look back at him.  Instead of being repulsed, Kylo looked happy, though a little frustrated.  He declared, “When I’m better, let’s try it.  I’ve wanted to for a long time.” 

“Oh.  Good then,” said Hux, trying to seemed detached, though why he felt that way he didn’t know. 

As Millicent started purring, the future still seemed uncertain to Hux, but now they were a little bit brighter. 


End file.
